“Stupid Muslim student population, using all

their social capital to curb MY freedom of

speech”, mumbles Piranha editor Wilt Crinsby

as he crudely etches his 12th caricature that day

of Mohammad, striving to deride the Muslim

doctrine of aniconism without any comedic merit

in a way he has never done to any Western

values, but it’s ok because it’s freedom of speech.

“Haha, this’ll show them. Especially the picture

of the willy. Fuckin’ trying to curb my free

expression”, he laughs, ignoring the irony that

he leads one of many all-white satirical

newspaper or website editorial boards in Ireland

alone, as well as in many West European

countries, and the groups for whom he holds an

inexplicable contempt have incomparably little

public recourse or ability to exercise same

expression, but free speech though.

“You see the thing is”, he begins, with stupid

stubble, a smug grin, and an opinion about the

limits of satire derived solely from two or three

AskReddit comment threads, “the thing is, it’s

not for entitled groups to come here and tell me

that I can’t have a laugh at the things they do. I

mean if someone from a minority religion [who

frequently had their places of worship burned to

the ground and were attacked in the streets for

wearing religious headwear] told a joke about

white people I wouldn’t be fucking offended, you

know? I’d take the joke, like. But all of a sudden,

when multiple satirical writing staffs from the

predominant racial and religious group which

socially and legally persecutes them tell a few

dozen jokes undermining the core tenets of their

religion then they all kick up a fuss. It’s like

they’re fucking having their cake and eating it

too. I mean, the contemptible actions of a small

amount of rogue extremists did technically

emanate from a quarter of the world’s

population of which I am not a member, so

surely, it’s THAT one and a half billion people

who can take a bit of flac for this.

“And, I mean, even if it is unfair or whatever”, he

continues, appreciating the symbolic significance of

the pen he’s spinning between his fingers and

imagining himself as some sort of warrior at the

forefront of a fight against oppression, “like, even if

it is unfair, it’s equal opportunities slagging you

know? I mean, our all-white staff also takes the piss

out of Christians and white people, which is

obviously qualitatively the same. I also flipped the

shit out at my 93 year old Catholic Grandmother

for saying ‘God Bless us’ at Christmas dinner there

last month and called her a fucking moron so you

can’t call me Islamophobic or a bad guy. Like, if

they want to set up commercially self-sustaining

all-Muslim media outlets in Western countries to

satirise ME then be my guest, you know”, he

continues, despite the fact that deep down he would

actually hate if that happened.

“That’s satire, you know? If we don’t go out of our

way to undermine actively vilified groups then who

will? Society? Well, ok society will, but there’s no

harm in adding a little extra. Je suis Charlie, like.

It’s just important that we show underprivileged

groups that we’re not afraid of them and that we

shall persevere. Three cheers for white people! To

be honest, if we don’t repeatedly share cartoon

images of the Prophet Mohammad and make social

media an inaccessible place for most Muslims, then

the terrorist have won, in my opinion. It’s basically

exactly what they wanted, like minorly

inconveniencing us with slightly increased airport

security checks in the aftermath of 9/11. They won

that battle, but the Musli…, I mean the terrorists

won’t win this one! Let’s show two fingers to the

bullies and target some Muslims!”

The interview is cut short at this point as Wilt

turns away to read the latest New Yorker article on

how Islam is the single greatest threat to the west.

“Hear fucking hear”, he whispers, nodding

furiously, his hand trembling on the mouse as he

bookmarks the article to read again later. He takes

out his Moleskine and adds a few bullet point notes

to his idea for the great American novel which is

about a dystopian future where affirmative action

has gone too far and young white men are put in

prison for not being politically correct enough.

“Ohhh yeah, this is it, man. This is fucking it.”

‘Haha Nothing is off Limits from Our Satirical

Genius’, Thinks All-White Piranha Writing Staff

As They Excessively Target Minority Religions

#JeSuisMore

FreeThanYou