"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.

"Why not, son?" asked his father.

"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day.

Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."

"But why don't you want to go today?" said the father.

"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"

An old pirate was sitting in a bar. He had a parrot on his shoulder, a wooden leg, an eye patch and a hook instead of his right hand.

A young sailor was talking to the pirate and he asked him about his life.

‘So, how did you lose your leg?’, the young man asked the pirate.‘Arrr! ,’ said the pirate, ‘One day, I fell into the sea when some sharks were near. My men saved me, but one of the sharks got my leg.’

‘And how did you lose your hand?’‘I was fighting with another ship and a sailor cut off my hand with a sword.’

‘What an interesting life!’ said the young man. ‘How did you lose your eye?’‘I was eating an orange when the juice went into my eye.’

‘But I don’t understand. How did you lose your eye from orange juice?’ ‘Well,’ said the pirate, ‘it was my first day with the new hook.’

Alfred was in prison because the police thought that he had killed a man and hidden the body. The police had never found the body.

He was married and his wife, Sally, sent him letters about life at home. Alfred knew that his letters were opened and read by the prison guards.

One day Alfred received a letter from his wife. He opened it and read,  'Dear Alfred, I want to plant some potatoes in the back garden. When do you think is the best time to plant potatoes?'

Alfred wrote back, 'Dear Sally, don't plant potatoes in the back garden. This is very important! Please don't plant them there!'

A week later, Alfred received another letter from his wife. 'Dear Alfred, You won't believe it! Last week ten policemen arrived and dug up the back garden.'

Alfred wrote back, ' Dear Sally, Now is the best time to plant potatoes.'