Chemistry Jokes

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CHEMISTRY JOKESThe optimist sees the glass half full.The pessimist sees the glass half empty.The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.Q:What do you do with a dead chemist?A:BariumQ:What do you call a clown who's in jail?A:A silicon.Q:What is "HIJKLMNO"?A:H2O.Q:What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?A:Polar Bond.Q: Why is a physics book always unhappy? A: Because it always has lots of problems.Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An AlgorithmDid you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg!Q: How do 5 gay men walk? A: One Direction!Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school? A: Because he/she was going to high school!

Q: What happened to the plant in math class? A: It grew square roots.

Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation? A: Expla-nation.

Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? A: Because she couldn't control her pupils?

Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle? A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate! Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7 8 9Q: What's the longest word in the dictionary? A: Rubber-band -- because it streches.Q: Name a bus you can never enter? A: A syllabusTeacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?" Student: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?" Simon: "No Mis." Teacher: How can we keep the school clean? Student: By staying at home. Teacher: What is irony? Student: "Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe."

Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang? A: The NucleusQ: What comes down but never goes up?A: Rain , AgeQ: Im tall when Im young and Im short when Im old. What am I?A: A candleQ: Marys father has 5 daughters Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the fifth daughters name?A: If you answered Nunu, you are wrong. Its Mary!Q: How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it?A: It can have a hole in it.Q: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower everything was pink!What color were the stairs?A: There werent any stairs, it was a one story house!Q: What travels around the world but stays in one spot?A: A stamp!Q: If I have it, I dont share it. If I share it, I dont have it. What is it?A: A Secret.Q: Take away my first letter, and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even take away my letter in the middle, I will still sound the same. I am a five letter word. What am I?A: EMPTYQ: What has hands but can not clap?A: A clockQ: What can you catch but not throw?A: A cold.Q: A house has 4 walls. All of the walls are facing south, and a bear is circling the house. What color is the bear?A: The house is on the north pole, so the bear is white.Q: What is at the end of a rainbow?A: The letter W!Q: What is as light as a feather, but even the worlds strongest man couldnt hold it for more than a minute?A: His breath!Q: What starts with the letter t, is filled with t and ends in t?A: A teapot!Q: What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?A: Silence.Q: A man was driving his truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. Up ahead, a woman was crossing the street. How did he see her?A: It was a bright and sunny day!Q: What kind of tree can you carry in your hand?A: A palm!Q: If an electric train is travelling south, which way is the smoke going?A: There is no smoke, its an electric train!Q: You draw a line. Without touching it, how do you make the line longer?A: You draw a shorter line next to it, and it becomes the longer line.Q: How many months have 28 days?A: All 12 months!Q: We see it once in a year, twice in a week, and never in a day. What is it?A: The letter EQ: Mr. Blue lives in the blue house, Mr. Pink lives in the pink house, and Mr. Brown lives in the brown house. Who lives in the white house?A: The president!Q: How do you make the number one disappear?A: Add the letter G and its GONE

Method 1 of 2: To Become Taller1. 1Consume a balanced diet.A person will look a lot shorter when having a plump body. Not only that, being fit by eating right will make you taller and feel better!. Eat plenty of lean protein. Lean protein, such as white poultry meat, fish, soy, and dairy, helps promote muscle growth and healthy bones. Simple carbohydrates such as pizza, cakes, sweets, and soda, are the stuff to stay away from.. Eat plenty of calcium. Calcium, found in leafy green vegetables such as spinach and kale, and in dairy (yogurt and milk), helps promote healthy bones.[1]. Get enough zinc. Studies, although they have been inconclusive so far, point to a possible link between zinc deficiencies and stunted growth in boys.[2]Good sources of zinc include oysters, wheat germ, pumpkin and squash seeds, lamb, peanuts, and crab.[3]. Get enough vitamin D. Vitamin D promotes bone and muscle growth in children[4], and a deficiency has been shown to stunt growth and cause weight gain in teenage girls.[5]Vitamin D can be found in fish, alfalfa, or mushrooms commonly.

2Exercise throughout the teen years and in puberty to improve your height modestly.Do jumping exercises frequently, such as skipping. Be active. Get out and about and work your muscles for at least 30 minutes each day. Join a gym. Joining a gym will help give you access to a lot of great exercising and muscle-building machines. It will also keep you motivated to work out (you'll feel silly if you're not exercising in the gym). Join a sports team. People who join sports teams can use their natural competitiveness to burn extra calories and hopefully get their bodies taller. The great thing about team sports is that half the time, you don't even realize that you're exercising. If nothing else, walk around. If you can't find the time to do anything else, get up and walk around. Walk to the grocery store. Walk to the library. Walk to school.3Get adequate sleep each night.Sleeping is the time when your body grows, so having plenty of sleep is equivalent to giving your body more time for growth. Get between 9 and 11 hours of sleep per night if you're a preteen or still younger than 20. The human growth hormone (HGH) is produced naturally in our bodies, especially during deep or slow wave sleep.[6]Getting good, sound sleep will encourage the production of HGH, which is created in the pituitary gland.

4 Understand that a majority of your height will be predetermined by genetics.Scientists reckon that 60% to 80% of your height is determined by genes.[7]Unfortunately, either you have the tall gene or you don't. That's not to say that you can't grow tall if you have parents who are on the shorter side; it just means that having shorter parents means you're more likely to be on the short side.

5Try not to stunt your growth.There might not be a lot you can do to increase your height, but you can take several steps to make sure your natural height isn't shortened by environmental influences. Drugs and alcohol are both thought to contribute to stunted growth if they're ingested while you're young, and malnutrition can keep you from reaching your full height, as well.. Does caffeine really stunt your growth?Scientific study shows that, no, caffeine does not stunt growth.[8]Caffeine does, however, have a higher chance of keeping you from sleeping soundly and regularly. Kids and adolescents needs about 9-10 hours of sleep, and caffeine may hurt your ability to get that much sleep.. Does smoking really stunt your growth?The effects of smoking and second-hand smoke on body mass index (BMI) are inconclusive. According to Columbia University's Internet Health Resource, "Although the studies that have been done are largely inconclusive, the available research suggests that children who smoke or who are exposed to second-hand smoke are shorter than those who do not smoke or are children of non-smokers."[9]. Do steroids really stunt your growth?Absolutely. Anabolic steroids inhibit bone growth in young children and teens, along with lowering sperm count, decreasing breast size, elevating blood pressure and putting you at higher risk of heart attack.[10]Children and teens who suffer from asthma and use inhalers that dispense small doses of the steroid budesonide are, on average, half an inch shorter than those not treated with steroids.[11]

6Expect to be in your twenties when you stop growing.A lot of young kids look at themselves and ask,"Have I finished growing yet?"If you're under 18, the answer is probably "No!"[12]If you haven't stopped puberty yet, then you haven't stopped growing.[13]Try to be thankful that you have a little time to grow taller instead of worrying about how tall you will be.

Method 2 of 2: Exaggerating Your Height1Have a good posture.Always stand straight instead of hunching your back. Spread out your shoulders slightly towards the back. Having a good posture will make you look much taller!2Wear tighter clothes.Tighter clothes accentuate the lines of your body. If you wear baggy clothes, those lines disappear, making you look smaller. Wear tight clothes that make you feel good about yourself, however, not ones you're nervous about wearing or uncomfortable in.3Show the best features of your body.If you have long legs, wear shorts or mini-skirts to highlight your legs. Try to avoid wearing leg warmers or leggings which will visually shorten your legs and make you look shorter.4Wear dark colored clothes.Sometimes, looking taller is all about looking slimmer. If you're able to look slimmer, there's a good chance you'll also look taller. Colors like black, dark blue, and forest green can all contribute to looking both slimmer and taller, especially if you go dark on both the top and the bottom.5Wear clothing withverticalstripes.It makes you look taller. Horizontal stripes do