Post on 11-Aug-2014
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High-performancecommunication
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Ed BatistaAugust 4, 2014
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Seth
Anders
on
Who am I?
Executive coachInstructor @ Stanford GSBwww.edbatista.comHBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
Discussion #1Today’s headlineThe simplest feedback modelFeelingsThe net
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The headlineFeedback = essential for learningBut also stressfulSo create safetyBy criticizing with skill& expressing more appreciation
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The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
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The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
FeelingsDisclosing feelings = vulnerableBut feelings influenceAnd vulnerability closenessComfort with discomfort
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The netDavid BradfordHow to improve communication?
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The netMe You
Yourrespons
e
Mybehavi
orMyintention
The netStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
Discussion #25 levelsHierarchy of needsSafety, trust, intimacySocial threatSCARF model
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5 levels
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Richard FranciscoIn what ways do we communicate?Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning
5 levels1: Ritual2: Extended Ritual3: Content4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
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5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
HardestRiskiest
Most powerful for feedback
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Hierarchy of needs
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Abraham MaslowWhat motivates us as human beings?
Hierarchy of needs
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Physiological
Safety
Love & belonging
Esteem
Self-actualization
Hierarchy of needs
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Parallels in groups & relationships
Hierarchy of needs
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Psychological safety, trust & intimacy
Experiments, risk-taking & vulnerability
Learning, self-awareness & change
In groups & relationships…
Safety, trust,
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intimacy
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Safety, trust,intimacySafety = I won’t get hurtTrust = I believe you & you believe meIntimacy = We can make the private public
Safety, trust,intimacyFeedback can create these qualitiesBut there’s a problem…
Can I give you
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some feedback?
Feedback and
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social threat
Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Physiological
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Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Emotional
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Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”
CognitiveDecision-makingProblem-solvingCollaboration
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Social threat(Some) social situations ≈ Physical threatsMany times/dayMost common location?
Social threatPhysiological/emotional response plus…Cognitive impairmentDecision-makingProblem-solvingCollaboration
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Social threatResult?Massive communication failureWe give feedback ineffectivelyWe receive it poorly
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SCARF model
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David RockWhat social situationstrigger a threatresponse?
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SCARF modelDavid RockWhat social situations trigger a threat response?How can we minimize the risk of social threat?How can we create safety?
SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
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Use the modelWhen giving feedback…Be mindful of statusMinimize uncertaintyMaximize autonomyBuild the relationship*Play fair*
Use the modelWhen getting feedback…Cultivate in-the-moment awarenessRecognize our threat responseManage our emotionsSlow things down
Discussion #3RelationshipsThe net (again)MindsetSoft start
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Relationships
John GottmanWhat characterizes successful relationships?
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RelationshipsFeeling known by the otherA culture of appreciationResponding to “bids”Mutual influence
The net
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(again)
The netHow to improve communication?How to minimize defensiveness?How can we play fair?
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The netMe You
Yourrespons
e
Mybehavi
orMyintention
What I knowMe
Myintention
Mybehavi
or
What I don’tYou
Yourrespons
e
What you know
You
Yourrespons
e
Mybehavi
or
What you don’tMe
Myintention
Use the modelStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
Use the modelIntent ≠ impactMy intention doesn’t guarantee your responseImpact ≠ intentYour response wasn’t necessarily my intention
Use the modelResult?Lower risk of social threatLess chance of defensivenessIncreased sense of fairness
Carol DweckHow do we feel about our abilities?How do we feel about our mistakes?
Mindset
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Talent & intelligence are inherent traits
Mistakes are failures or character flaws
Negative emotional response to mistakes
Talent & intelligence can be developed
Mistakes are learning opportunities
Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more
Fixed Growth
Mindset
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Soft start
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Not like this
Soft start
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Like this
Soft startBegin with positive intent(But don’t bullshit)Emphasize mutual goalsBe mindful of your stress
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To sum upBuild safety, trust & intimacyUse the modelsMinimize social threatLess stressful feedbackMore learning
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Building a Feedback-Rich CultureHBR Guide to Coaching Your EmployeesMy background & coaching practice:
www.edbatista.com/about.htmlContact me:
www.edbatista.com/contact.html
For more info…