The Iron Warrior Magazine: Volume 8, Issue 4

8/14/2019 The Iron Warrior Magazine: Volume 8, Issue 4

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he wel ome to the jungle issue ' J



Editorial Page Editor s Note:Q ?

inions express ed in l.etteIS tQ the Editor do not. y represent the opinions of the Engineering

ety and membeIS of the Iron Warrior Staff.

Course CritiquesShelley CarterA Mech

l1ey have come once again. 1 would like to say they have come and GONE

once again, but that would be a lie. So could all you del inquen t classes pleaseget moving and hand them in 1 know it s hard tQ believe, but I have better

things to do with my life than wait for you to do this menial little task so SKJ and Ican finish our job before exams start. When I signed up for this and said I wanted todo it so J woul d ha ve an excuse for failing 3A, I was just kidding.

When I agreed to hold this directorship I must say I was a little naive. I figured itwould be pre tty easy, as it only occurs once a term. Ha I know better now.

Course critiques, I believe, are a very important evaluation of your courses and professors. It s YOUR chance to voice your opinion, and you sho uld take it very seriously. t

doesn t take very long to fill out the evaluation an d comment sheets, and my congratulations to those of you who spent the time doing just that. It s interesting to see how manypeople actually fill out comment sheets. Some classes do an amazing job, and some class-es fail to write down a single comm ent good or bad.

Anyways, I don t really feel1ike preaching today, and I think you are all old enough todecide what you should and shouldn t do, so I will just say a few things.

1. It amazes me how some people managed to make it past first year. Computer cardsshould be filled out in PENaL. It even says so on the sheet, if you know how toread. The circles are supposed to be FILLED IN. Not check marked, thanks. Youwould be surprised at how many people are guilty of this. I really don t think it sthat hard to do properly. We even supply cool little coloured golf pencils for those of

you who don t carry one to class, for whatever reason n future, if you wotake the extra 20 seconds to do it properly, you will save the next director a goopLe of hours. Thanks.

2. You would not believe how many people filled out their student numbers inthe course number on the card. Or who wrote the numbers down but didnthe circles. Or didn t do either. Ok, maybe the numbering system wasn tstraightforward, but you can always ask I might bite your head off, but I wtruly happy, ecstatic even., at the time you will have saved me ( I really havtolerance for incompetent people).

That s it. n a nutshell. f you want the extended version, just come talk to mdon t recommend it. Now, here are a few helpful hints for next year:

1. Use PENaL.2. FILL IN the CIRCUS, nice and dark. It s ok to use that lead. It s cheap.

pick up more on your work term .3. Put the COURSE numbe r in the proper box (not your ID number, or your bor whatever). Fill in the drcles, completely, nice and dark wi th that wonderfulyour grandma gave yo u for your birthday. f you need some help, ask yorep. f you need a pencil ask your friend.

4. Fill out a nice comment sheet. It only takes you a minute to write down a sugor compliment. Future students will thank you for it.

n closing, I would just like to say that the vast majority of you were capable of dthis properly, and your good work did not go unnoticed. Maybe just ask your friethey need help next tenn. Thanks for taking the time to fill them out. Thanks SKJ

Nectar of the GodsKat; Princz

A Mechanical

Weil, I ve been slacking off for long enough. This being my Last issue andall, I shou ld really g t myself back in gear and write an editorial, so here itgoes ..

I thought that this last little editor s spew would be the perfect opportunity to thank thesubstance that has made each and every issue JX>SSible- cola. No, not the plural of colon Ispeak of the wonderful nectar of the gods, sold in the C&D, in convenient one litre bottles- Cola This carbonated soft drink contains sugar, caffeine, phosphoric acid and/ or citricacid, caramel, and flavouring from extracts of kola nuts and/ or cocoa leaves.

What are kola nuts you may ask? Why, th.eyare the nuts of the African kola tree. Kolatrees are generally cultivated in tropical areas. The bitter caffeine containing chest-nutsized seed produced by the tree are used in beverages or as a masticatory (for chewing).

The effects produced through timely ingestions of this amazing substance are akin tothose produced through the combination of Popeye and spinach. Sugar, coupled with therestorative powers of caffeine allow me to perfonn amazing feats. Without this remarkable influx of caffeine every ten minutes or so, I would not have been able to survive theendless, torturous nights spent in the little closet know n as the Iron Warrior office. Comforted by the knowledge that cola was by my side, and the warm fuzzy feeling associatedwith fuzzy cola coated teeth, I was able to press on and work all night until the issueswere done.

But I deceive you in saying that cola was my only salvation. Cola is not the only sourceof caffeine. Caffeine, or C SHlo N402 is also found in coffee, and tea. So, through a

rigourous regimen of these substances, one is also able to reap the benefits of caffeine,the world is able to function Imagine what a chaotic place this world would be if

deprived of their morning cup of coffee (or tea, because coffee tastes bad). Withoeasily accessible substance, caffeine, much of the world would grind to a halt, asfell asleep at work, provided they were awake enough to get there.

Through the miracle of caffeine the world is able to function. Caffeine proincreased alertness, and allows athletes to train for longer periods of time (Nicoon T.V.). It is an organic substance, produced from nuts or beans, and therefore mutain some meagre nutritional value. t can make any day special- if you have enois bilingual, spelt the same way in both English and French And it is completely l

But, caffeine is not without side effects. And, the illusions of grandeur created bycaffeine high, are not its only detrimental properties. Caffeine is highly addictivealso give you the shakes, and I ve even heard of it being linked to heart palpitatioask Sue), and dissolved stomach linings - but only if you drink too much. Thecola can be used to clean pennies (they look shiny and new after soaking in it foris not a comforting sight. It makes you wond er if, and how well, it cleans .out yourI would guess that it does pretty well, as it s used medicinally as a diuretic (increflow of urine). t s also extremely difficult to spell, and type over and over.

But despite its hannful side effects, you l l still find me lined up in the morningdaily dose. I refuse to let this wholesome, flavorful substance sit idly by.

n retrospect, I should have bought stocks in a soft drink company.

On a more serious note: Bye. I m outta here I wish the future staff the best of luckto all you new Execs out there - watch out. I llstill be around to hunt you down

spews are late .



Editor In ChiefKati Double Dipped Chocolate Princz

Layout EditorsChris Boston Cream Foster

Christian Apple Fritter Westarp

Advertising EditorsMike Sugar Twist Hennann

Natalie ''Cinnamon Twist Zgola

Iron Warrior StaffNathan Honey Cruller DoidgeTim Old Fashion GJazed Lee

Shannon Walnut Crunch McLarenChristopher Sour Cream Glazed Trudeau

ContributorsNicole Cberry Stick Abcarius

Galen Honey Stickohn ''RJltiSill

o nCommentary

Why am I in University

5

The Semi FormalLuau in Paradise

6 7

SCUNTApocalypse Now

8 70

e n 8

TAL ENGThanks o All Who Were There

72

ArtsArts Contest Winner

76 77

Bill in AustraliaBill s Most Excellent Adventure

78 79



ommentaryTaking The ong WayChris Foster

1B Mechanical

O·ginallY I was planning on writing an arti-Ie about the number of people who pro

crastinate, and then complain they have notime to do anything, but after an event this weekend,I've found a new and far more import ant topic towrite about.

This past weekend, was Mike's birthday (HappyBirthday Mike ). This being the case, a group of uswent to Collingwood to celebrate with some water slideriding. The adventure to Collingwood turned out to bejust that, an adventure. The trip consisted of as manyback roads as could possible be found in the province ofOntario, with Doof in charge of navigation, we weresoon off the map (i.e. I don't think we spent more thanfive minutes on a road on the map). With the goal offinding as many narrow bridges and steep hills as p0s-sible, we left the main highway with a left turn somewhere near nowhere. Being the lucky bunch that wewere, we found both (TOGETHER ). Unfortunately,as luck would have it, we were never intended to reachthe bridge. Infact, all thingsbeing equal, we only madeit about half way down the hill before gravity decidedthat the top of the car was heavier than the bottom. Forthose who failed Physics 115, this implies that we rolled

the car, which of course , we did . Fortunatel this timewe had some more of that luck, because no one wasinjured, although iki is probably emotionally scarredfor life (or she will be when her dad gets a hold of her).

Once we stopped, we came to the quick realizationthat we were infact upside down. This fact became blatantly apparent to us when we looked up and sawdown. For those of you who have not been in a sim.ilarsituation, let me make one thing clear SEAT-BELTSSAVE UVES. They are also really hard to get out ofwhen you are suspended by them. Once out of the car ,we realized that we needed to call someone, or morespecifically anyone. This was not a problem, we hadthe tedmology (my cell phone), but we were lacking thebasic knowledge of where we were Infact,all we knewwas that we had being heading north-west at the timeof the accident, although the car appeared quite fond ofthe south east direction.

With the help of a kind citizen who stopped, we wereable to phone 911. The operator, only doing her job,asked if anyone was injured and f we needed an ambulance. We reported that we had one passenger whohad a cut on his hand and that a first aid kit would bemore than sufficient. With this, the operator dutifullypassed on the information to the police and fire departments, as well as ambulances of Orangeville and Fer-gus. Her generosity was astounding; she sent us 2

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ambulances, 3 fire trucks and of rourse an OPP officer.As the incident was being \vrapped up, my brother

arrived from evnnarket to pick us up. From there hedrove Doof, Jay and myself to Collingwood, while Nikiwent home with her uncle who lived nearby - thanksSteve it 'vas reall appreciated.

However, the real purpose of this article is not to tellevcryon that there is one less car in the world, butinstead to instill some learned rommon sense in thosethat weren't there. First of all, driving som where in theunknown, is not alwa a good idea . True, Ontario isYours to Disco er , but, that should be expanded todo so at your own risk". I'm not saying don't go out

and explore, but be warned that not all hillsand CUlVesin the road are marked as appropriately as they wouldbe a little further from nowhere. Secondly, when youdo go exploring at the posted speed limit, ALWAYSWEAR YOUR SEAT BELT. This stems from the factthat the four people in the car quite agree that without aseat belt, a roll at l00km/h rouLd very easily have killedus all. Being a passenger in the back seat, 1 can tell youthat when my window shattered, I was very glad rwasnot flying around with it's remains. The other important thing is that gravel is just not the same as pavement, ask Niki, she's quite sure of this fact, now. At thispoint I'm hoping that what you have read will make aclliference, because for the four of us, it already has.

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Nicole Hensen

8 hemical

A reat big thank-you goes out to everyonewho suppor ted the Hawaiian Luau that

ascaraded as this term s semi-formal. Forthose unfortunate enough to miss this amazingevent, we had an outdoor semi-formal that was amasterful success. On July 12th, about 60 veryenthusiastic engineers and their dates attended thebest spectacle of the term as Waterloo Park was

transformed into an escape to paradise.This event was quite a sight to see as we had the full

range of participation Being a semi -fonnal, and m.ixing that with the Hawaiian them e, we saw a bit of

everything; from maori war paint and hula skirts to thetraditional formal -wear.

The night officially began with an outstanding dis-play of talent by Accapclleng . They perfonned a variety of pieces .

The caterer did a wonderful job of accommodatingthe Hawaiian theme as they had everything rangingfrom seafood to fresh fruit andcoconut to roa s t pi g . Andthough some thought that the

sight of the pig fresh off the spitwas more than their s tomachs

needed, I found that it reallyadded to the a trnosphere of the

event. No one could argue withth e q u ality (or quantity for th atmatter) of the food there and bythe time dessert rolled around, we

were all too stuffed to eat anythingmore .

I would like to comment on the entertainment of theevening but this writer left immediately after dinner toattend the eden musicfest (which was amazing). By theway, I made it in time to see The Cure. According toeveryone who attended, the O really knew how towork it up, and the dance floor was the place to be.Thank you to everyone who stayed. to help clean up .

As you can tell from the accompanying pictures ,everyone had a lot of un I m sure everyone had a greattime and danced. the night away. A speci l th nks goesout to Gayan Fernando and Jason Worry for all theirtime, effort and creativity which went into the preparation and presentation of this event. Everyone is encouraged to come out to the next semi-formal and help

make it as successful as this one.



Jason WOftyBSystems

.N;.ht that everyone enjoyed. and when manypeop le got laid too? Th a t is they received a

awaiian lay. Over the past weekend was

the summer ' 96 semi-formal held in the waterloopark. This year the semi-formal directors decided tothrow a twist into the night by holding the event out

side in the evening air. Luckily, the weather heldtogether even though fear struck many people asdark, threatening clouds crept in and the windpicked. up . But have no fear, becau se the night was

beautiful .The evening was catered by "Elvis" ..yes that' s right

Elvis was spotted in Waterloo. The roasted pig was

served. together with many other delicacies includingsweet-sour chicken, shrimp, pineappl es and coconuts ...

By the way, don t ever let a coup le of talented engineerstry to juggle coconuts and pineapples because fruitbreaks apart when dropped on the ground.

n addition to Elvisbeing spotted in the

Waterloo Park, so was

the tool. I t made aquick appearancewhich ended with thedestruction of the

pinata which hadbeen hanging for the

night. Candy wasspread everywhereand I m sorry to all thepeople who stepped

on the candy and now

have sticky shoes. :)

There was also music played to satisfy all the differenttaste bu ds. I should thank Guyan for running to the res-

cue w hen the DJ's CD player, suffering from a power

surge refused to work. Guyan pulled together two different CD players from people at the semi-formal and

the night was not a bust. Well done :)

Some of the other highlights from the evening ..welJthere was Mike and SKJ strategically positioning University of Waterloo Engineering stickers on the roof ofthe pavilion. Furthermore, there was some strange person dressed. in tribal body paint and wearing only

loin loth . In addition Llwrc W.l -> . \ limho conlc:-;t, an sddressed. in "('( onut bra and gr.1.s sk.irt, ,lIld I,\sl , butdefinitely not Icast, s ome mad m.1I1, probJbl y (Xl-'o.'ll'S.<

ing a touch of mad cow (Mo()oO ), dt 'idt'll to t' I'r 'ischis right to cemov ' his int ' Ivi 'W suit and run U r o l

th danrc floor howin g of{ his birthda y buil. Might sa y that he CilUS<..'CI quite a commotion .

AC APAL ' NC also pt rformed at the s( 'mifnrm , J

beautifully s inging a few of the song s found in theirrepertoire . Much thanks goes out to Darren Zacker and

the other s ingers for the p leasant, SWL'E tsongs ..h rc L t

hint to anyone el e looking for an addition to theirevent, try out A APALENG. "Jhey will d -finitely add

to the su cess of whatever event they attend.On a special note, a playg round was found just down

the hill from th semi-formal and added a s urplus of

entertainment to the crazycngin rs .] wish good luck to the semi -formal directors next

term on B-Soc and A-Soc and remember to not e afraidto try something different and advcnturou s ... ust

remember to advertise and sell lots and lots of t i k

One last note; always remember that duct tape shouldgo on the sticky side out not applied directly to the

skin ..because it reaJJy hurts to pull it off f should knowSmiles,J.



Aftermath of th

Apocalypse

Galen Beck B Electrical Bad Ohmbres

Mitch Valentik 2N Mitch Zero Tolerance

It was like a scene from a sickening cross betweenthe Jonestown doomsday cult and a LooneyToons movie gone mad. Four brave t eams of

mercenaries set forth; each driven by an inner pas

sion to conquer the world under the pretension of

saving it from itself. A band of ruthless overlords

clad in black, sat back, hidden almost completely by

the shadows with which they surrounded themselves. Even they could only but guess at the overwhelming horror that they had unwittingly released

on an unsuspecting world. A malevolent l augh ofsheer melodramatic terror, and the odd scrap ofinformation were the only tools they suppl ied to

what must have seemed an insurmountable chal

lenge.And then suddenly, as forces powerful enough to

cause the un iverse itself to shuddf'..r played like wanton

children; it began. The sign? A police car its lights hazyin the hot afternoon sun, slowly thundering d o w n adusty gravel road. Yes, truly, The Apocalypse hadbegun.

Fred and Mary-Jane thought they could escape thechaos of the world around them for an afternoon. Theyassumed all it took, was the token picnic lunch andmemories of more peaceful times; Columbia Lake

could provide the rest. That was Mary-Jane's first mis-

take; letting her guard down. Surely an ex-navy sealwould have scanned the battle field in front of her and

realized the madness that was beginning. But, alas, itwas not to be. They were to be as shocked and vilifiedto a degree, at the very least equivalent to those sameindividuals who consciously chose to be there.

As the proceedings progressed, the pnrticipants

began to take form :A young man clad in a bathing suit of the finest

royal purple, immersed from head to toe with rainbowmakeup which could be said to encompass the fullspectrum.

- Horsemen, in the co lou rs of blood, light, and theeterna l midnight void, sat poised, overbearing, and contained, ready to wreak havocfrom their perch atop a steel beast.

- The devil himself, devoid of his traditional scarlet, respJendid in an orange thatcould be expec ted to do no less than drivethe most stable man mad.

- A th rong of knights bearing banners ofconquest, swords cast from the finest metalsof the earth, and the mandatory coconutsthat befit men of their stature.

- And finally, there grouped a collection

• emotionless from the throngs around them.af mysterious individuals detached and

• Their bodies, in the dirty blue of garb thathas seen far too many battles already,

guarded a wondrous sailess vessel virtuallyoverflowing with a myriad mix of the tools

and subsequent spoils of war.And then it struck. n a thunderous cacophony

reflective of the true destructive power of the earth in

the throes of its final hours, the Apocalypse had begunamidst an explosion smelling of sulphur and brimstone.

From the very start, the dedication that each team

had brought with them was apparent. Socrates had

always maintained tha t there existed three t ypes of

seekers in the world. Those who sought honour, thosewho sought wealth, and those who were the seekers ofglory. These were truly the seekers of glory, as the wiz-ened old philosopher had envisioned.

Before any team could hope to challenge the world,they needed to n l the test. A marathon of man and

beast through the rarely seen underworld that is theback roads was more than befitting, and the participants responded admirably. Never caving in to theimmense psychological drain they felt entering theirbodies, the 4-man assault squads that each team hadchosen persisted and maintained, and it was but one

grueling, long hour later that they received theirreward. The Gods knew now, that they were ready,and so the keys were given forth onto the masses.

List after list of excruciating riddles and mindless trivia. Primitive engineering challenges that demanded

ingenuity and raw talent. Endless acquisition lists filledwith hard-to-get items. And finally, a roster of eventsrequiring an army of thousands . This is what they had

endure d, volunteered, strifed, and searched to achieve?Was this to be the best the god s could offer? But, alas.

At first, none of it worked. Our modem informationsociety ground to a halt. AJJ the S UNT lists, schedules,and road trips which had beenpainstakingly converted into

HTML refused to install under

Windows 95 Was this to be the

final sick curse of the Gatekeeperknown as Bill? Could his irreverent, misplanned e mpireto be the undoing of thethemselves? In a wave oferation, and genuine

intuit ion, the abilities ofteams to overcome ethereal n r ·_ •• .

riers shone through, and

text became a reality. T hehad learned its first and no< m .. '''.,

stopped, whatever the cost.The events wer e the first chance for the teams to

the waters of the stormy seas now surrounding thEvery event pitted team against team in a passiocontest of spirit and dedication. The tasks at h

ranged from a blistering encounter with the unbridledfirepower ofaXY-67 Laser Rifle, to a nightmar

search through endlessly varying terrain for the symof enemy oppression

Dramatic trends (yes, even more dramatic thamelodramatic high prose that this article is writtebegan to develop, and the participants began to becaware of their enemies weaknesses, and theirstrengths. FUBAR gained notoriety for its wackyoutrageous stunts. The Four Horsemen dominatplethora of events. The Kniggits displayed the

medieval talents during the never-ending Quests.LUM became renowned for their unquenchable spand their well-oiled mach ine like efficiency.

The events would not be the end of the night ho

er. As the witching hour drew nearer, the overlbegan a systematic and ruthless takeover of each teheadquarters. Take no prisoners, spare no one. was the appropos motto for the night t was timnovelty, and adventure.

The Kniggits were the first to greet the young

lords. Well aware of the Gods status as forthcomimembers of the lightning sciences, they pulled a fpolitical strings and invited the lords and lieges intoinner sanctum itself, the master study room 1hethey bombarded their senses with a strategic asment of more coconuts, a pool table, and a ro



table" -style discussion of philosophical matters . (ie. themerits and drawbacks of ECE427) leav ing these comfortable surroundings, the Gods set forth once more(now imbued with critical knowledge beyond theirscholarly years)in search of the chaos that was gripping

the world.After many agonizing minutes, the overlords had

travelled o'er rolling hills and through lush valleys. Itwas time to get wet

Their dreams were answered by the silver carriage,glis tening in the waxing crescent of the moon thatappeared on the horizon. A large door squeaking on itsfreshly greasedhinges rolled.up to reveal a mystical hotspring bubbling with effervescent charm Seventeen hot,sleep-deprived overlords eagerly climbed into therefreshing dream of an oversized, cow-shaped. tub, andsettled down for a long summer's nap.

The haven of beauty and heavenly wonders theywere experiencing was shattered in a grinding of cogsand gears, as the mystical caniage grow1d to a startlinghalt. Pirates And on the open seas no less All goods

were confiscated in a brazen display of power as theyblatantly exhibited their overwhelming authority overthe dominion of the rolling sea of asphalt. Withinmoments, the overlords found themselves wonderingwhat had happened. The hot-tub had just been gettingcozy ..

Wandering around aimlessly, still confused by thesudden reappearance of pirates, the Gods were back in

the mighty fortress known only as POETS,when a vir-tual oasys sprang up around them. Graced by exoticfoods and dips that could only be adequately describedas sinful, faith became rekindled and a new hope for thesalvation of the world was bom.

t was then that the kidnapping took place. The godssuddenly found themsel ves engrossed in the Apocalypse, virtual prisoners of the Four Horsemen no less.

Confused, nmned and munbed by the toob of sensorydeprivation that the agents of Tonka u.c;ed, the godfound themselves reeling in a virtual infemo that was tobecome the Apocalypse. Terrified, they were about toconfess their lifetime of aimes when the were greeted

with the undying truth.The world was not to end in a fiery inferno 0 itwas to be a "Disco Inferno" Exploding in a multitudeof lights, and a kaleidoscope of sounds, Frida ightFever was bom.

Forced to take care of the pressing matters at hand,(namely to guarantee the security of the rest of theworld) the gods departed, though thoroughly refreshedby their experience.

The graveyard stretch began A seri of mid-morning events occurred to refresh the body and replenishthe soul. The sandman tried his hardest to 0 ercomethe forces of caffeine,but in the end neither proved to bea match for a hastily organized retreat to the sanctitythat is Mel's Diner. Enjoying hearty breakfast specialsall around, the gods returned to the battlefield invigorat

ed and revitalized for another rowld of combat.t was then that the sun finally rose, it's rays sharp like

hot knives. The wannth of j cut through the dirt,sweat and pain of the night before to reveal fourragged. teams, still desperately clinging to individual hopes of being the heroes of this, Engineering'smost desperate hour .

Alas, they were not alone. The morning shift ofthe friendly neighbourhood pirates had left theirown greeting. A fresh round of parking ticketsforall

Scouring through legions of answers, and solutions; through scores of acquisitions and items;and improvising wherever possible, the godsmade the rounds. Who had the necessary goods?After hours of talk, who would still be standing

when the counting was over. And finally, almost asswiftlyas it had begun25 h urs earlier, in that infamouse>.. Pl ion, it w over.

The d . ion time had finall ' come.Riddl had been lved. M teriollS items had been

retrienxi from lands afar. Mercenaries had uccessfullycompleted valiant qu Is. Travellers had returned fromdistant lands of despair.

But only one team could survive.1he overlords huddled in a dark comer to decide the

outcome. Merit and value .. Spirit and pizza .. Comp le-tion of l.ist$.... The quest..... ll1ese were the buzzwords,and qui kly did the take hape. It wa clear, veryshortl who wa in command. A clear winner rose overall. 111€ Apocalypse was over . The answer was known .And maybe it Wil . obvious aU along. Who better to endthe Apocalypse then the Four Horsemen themselves.

Proclamation to all and SLUldry:

1st place - Four Horsemen2nd place - FOEAR3rd place - Kniggils ASYLUM (tie)

. . . . I



Mike HermannB Systems The Far SyDe

FUBAR Team Member

Ouly 5th, 1996 the Apocalypse arrived, and

he world came to the end. That was the

theme of Summer SCUNT 96, and it truly

did. After months of preparation by some teams,

a n d last minute entries by others, 27 hours ofSCUNTing tested the endurance, spirit, ingenuity,

courage, and intestinal fortitude of everybodyinvolved.

Opening ceremonies were at noon on the Friday, and

the SCUNT began with a bang. The four teams eachtried their best to impress the SCUNT gods, and fineclisplays of creativity were seen. The Kniggets began

their theme of Mony Python, OaSYS proclaimed theirlove of SCUNIS, the Four Horseman acted out the thestory of Apocalypse, and FUBAR created some naturalclisasters, lit a captain on fire, and blew up the world.After the end of the world all the teams hurriedly left on

a gravel run to get all the lists, trivia, quest, and road

trips.The road trips were nlUDerOUS and challenging. The

teams sent cars to Ottawa, Pickering, Tweed, Belleville,Toronto, Guelph, Alliston, and London. Some were

quick and some were definitel y not. Guelph took Shane

and I only 4 hours, and we were pretty slow at it. Our

Ottawa squad of Keith, Barry, and Faisalleft before thestart of the SCUNT, and didn't get back till judging.

Every road trip was a blast, and well put together. Ilived in Guelph for 10 years, and was quite impressed

with how much I didn't know about the roads around

the outskirts of Guelph. And I had no idea we had that

many banks in downtownThe events, great to begin with, where only enhanced

by the fact that the SCUNT Gods participated in them.They got really behind schedule by the end of the night,mostly due to some blue-suited disruptions, but that

didn't keep us from having fun. You could really tellwho the hard-core SCUNTers were when you lookLUat who was doing events at 5: in the moming.

The trivia was really tough, and based on a wide

variety of subjects. The Beetles, Robotech, politics, Th

Simpsons, Ek. Com 99, and other topiCS head<..>d I.ists thatseemed almost impossible. Some deep thoughts, as

well as some very creative oncs, eventually gave us theanswers. Or close enough that it was an answer ofsome kind.

The guest were tough as well, and FUBAR never

even found out about a lot of them. We clid build anifty shelter, thanks to Shannon and Nathan. The Net

Quest was interesting too, and thanks to Letitia, Sri, and

Shane, we managed to answer that one as well.We had some incredible stunts, which are not really

printable, but thanks to Steve and Ryan for some great

handiwork on the bike and tractor.Some Assorted FUB R SCUNT Memories:

The Water Balloon and Super Soaker game, which

was the first event Great game, but it really hurts when

a SCUNT god steps on your face because you're blindand your legs have been shot off.

Passing out at 7: in the morning because some of ushadn't slept in about 50 hours. All hail Sleep Deprivation

Amy shaving her legs for judging

The big & @ # bolt38 degrees - not quite used, but we had calculations

to prove it.

We'll just try it out, and if it works, great. If not, thenwell just make it bigger.

Vanessa - not just a SCUNT gcxt but a town too.What You've changed the schedule again?It wasn't spherical, but it's definitely how the world

would look ifFUBAR ran it.Look, Mike, chips off two blocks. That means you

just broke an .ankle and dislocated a shoulder.I'm not launching without a helmet and face maskKim's only job at opening ceremonies, the most

important one of all, yelling "RUN "Do you want us to blow it up - Asked whenever

we showed the plane at judging.Goo Jokes - let 's get gooey""Orris makes gcxxi goo"

You got goo on m y nose, and you know w

trungs go from there"icknarnes - VC Boy,Hot Tub Boy,Ignitor Boynator Boy,Goo Girl

Through all the late hours, and excitement,

were some real great SCUNTers on FUBAR I'd

thank Mike, Jay, Kim, and Chris for captain the wcraziest, and most insane team around Thanks

to all the SCUNTers, especially Elliot, Kelly, SK],ca, Sanjay, Gord, Simon, Niki, Adrienne, EliseKevin, and everybody I've missed.

Go Big, or Go Horne

- uttered many times during the FUBAR S

preparation



Ta l n g F e s t

Michael OlleyDer Elecs

istening to the Tal-Eng tapes as I write this article, it

is only now that I realize how much I enjoyed thenight of Thursday uly 11th .

The first act, despite their tardy arrival, were quick on theirfeet. Melinda and Nicole (both A Olem) and Darren Zachertapped their way into our hearts And yes, we do love younow that you can dance. Next up, for the first time thatevening, Brad Duck stomped the crowd into a frenzy with

some country favorites. Then the Bomber was filled with

ladies screams as Ben Thomson showed off his muscles

which will be competing in the body building nationals thisfall. Mike West then entertained the crowd with some originals as well as a cover or two on his acoustic guitar. Aftergreat anticipation th most recently formed group to performin Tal-Eng, Kim Darren and Dan performed their hit MoreThan Words". The Brad Duck Show then continued its notso-rcgularly scheduled programming with some soaring sax-ophone solos. Mike West then returned as a guest star, and

once again played a few tunes so that Brad could take abreath and pick up his guitar for an encore. With the conclusion of the Brad and Mike show came a brief pau se for some

election results and some bad jokes form the new presidentand master of ceremonies,

Doron.After the break, Lukas,

Doug and Rob kicked outsome covers, and when Dan

joined them on saxophone thecrowd were up and dancing

to "Sad Songs". Mo e's OrcIe,the local barbershop quartet,performed some Moxy Fru-

vous covers along with otheracapeUa tunes to round outtheir set. For a change, two,

count em, two acoustic gui-tars were played in harmony

by Mike and Joe from 3A

Mech.Kent Walker, with a long list of credentials, was up next

with some help from the crowd, including some good support from Brenda's head. He dazzled th e crowd with histightrope juggling and, luckily for me, not too pa inful falls.Then Acapelleng performed a set to warm up for their big gigthe next night at the semi-formal.

And then there were l l l E ~ e .

Carpet, a band from 3A Civil up next with their wild outfits and rockin' tunes soon became crowd favorites. Then

Drool Puddy entertained the crowd with seven originalsongs due to be released on CD this fall . Lastly, the Tal-Engveterans and Bomber faithful favourites Two Lips On An

Organ finished up the evening with as many songs as theycould before we kicked them off the stage.

And thus the summer 1996 Tal-Eng came to a close and

was deemed by all to e a success. Of course there are some

people I need to thank for all their help and support. Firstly,Ed Fletcher and my co-director Darren Zacher, who showed

me the ropes and helped a great deal in the organization.Special thanks go to the Bent crew for setting up and ru n

ning the technical side ofTal-Eng so professionally (and if you

ever get a chance, ask them to tell you some jokes or stories).Also a thank-you to Doron for being the MC and to all the

bands and acts for coming out to show off Engineering's Talent .

Finally, I would liketo thank the awesome

crowd that showed up

to enjoy all the festivities. I only hope everyone involved had asmuch fun as I did.



'nle Sandford Fleming Foundation

4306 Carl Pollock Hall. University of WalerlooWaterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G 1

Waterloo Campus Activity

(519) 888-40()8

One of the services that the Sandford Berning Foundation offers is an opportunity for Engineers to develop their skills in parliamen.tary debate. t::kbatingteaches the abilities of public speaking, persuasion, quick thinking and organization. This term debates was marked by some heated discussion over everything from the threat of the Earth being taken over by mosquitoes to how Artsi "should Tite up all our labs for us. There ,vas paper throwing, somersaults,fist pounding, and some creative uses of points of order. The grand finish was the finals in POETS on Friday. When the dus t cleared here were th results.

FirstMichael WorryTanya Reeves

Second:O1amath PalihapitiyaParker Mitchell

Semi-FinalistJon PocockAnuj Kapur

Semi-FinalistFrank TurcoMalrolm J-lill

ParticipantSanjay KulkarniShan Pounder

Thanks to all the organizers, debators and judges. We are glad the need for more than technical education is recognized.

n organization devoted to the advancement of Engineering education

s EHere, more or less (mostly less - we made at least

five pies) is the recipe I used to make pecan pies withSue at the last EngSoc Potluck (Fall '95). I was hoping toget the best recipes from this year's Potluck, but due toscheduling (the Potluck happened before our deadline)it didn't happen . So, here are some desserts to keep youbusy in the kitchen during finals.

Pecan PieK Pr ncz

A Mech

This is just the filling. You'll have to check out thenext colurrm for the crust.

4 eggs2 cups com syrup3 tbsp melted butter11/2 tspvanilla1/4 tspsalt

11/2 cup whole pecansBeateggs.Add nuts, except forI/ 4 cup.Add the com syrup, melted butter, vanilla, salt.Mix well

Add mixture to pieshell.Use rest of pecans to decorate the top of the pie.Bake at 45 }>Ffor 10 to 15 minutes, and then at 350 F

for 30 to 40 minutes until golden.

T

Basic Pie CrustK Pr ncz

A Mech

I

This is for a single crust pie - that is only a bottomcrust, no top. The recipe seems to always make toomuch dough, so you can use the rest to decorate the topor something- you know, nifty cooki-cutler cut hapes,etc. £ you want a pie with a double crust - wi th a topand bottom, just double the recipe.

1/21/31-11/2

cup floursaltcup shorteningWater

Mix flour and salt.Add shortening to flour.Break up shortening into pea sized pieces with fork.Add water.Mix until doug h like consistency is aheived.Roll out into circular shape, about 3mm thick.

I was going to include a recipe, but I never measureout the ingredients, so I have no idea what the correctproportions are. It's about five apples per pie. Addsugar until the peeled, sliced apples are well coated. UseLemon juice to keep the apple slices fromrusting(browning). Add cinnamon until the apples area medium brown colour, or to taste. I like cinnamon SO Iadd a lot..

•C N

Here is a recipe from Shelley for muffins. They tastereally good even though they are caBed 'Sunshine'Muffins.

Sunshine MuffinsShelley Carter

A Mech

2 cups whole whea t flour1 cup sugar2 ip b.lking soda1 ISp cinnamon2 cups gratt>d .1rrots1/3 cup chop\X'CI dried apricoL l1 /3 cup cllocolnl 'cll ips

banana, mLIShl>d3 eggs3/4 cupoi2 tsp vanilla

Combin flour, sugar baking soda, and cinnamon.Mix well.Stir in carrots, apricots, d1ocoJat 'cl1ips, and banana.Beat together eggs, oil, and vanilla.Stir into floLu' mixture until just moistenl>d.Spoon into grcasccl muffin cups and bake at 375 F fo

15 to 20 minutes.Makes approximately 2 dozen.



Summer

Term

Blue skies in summer terms are fineExcept when they are so divineThat we can hardly workBut find instead the headTurns constantly to play or love Wanting to flee tlle labs and textsTo feel again freedom nd feelingsInstead of still more silly theories:How to calcu late everything.

Time seems such a trap right now-

We s top to see the view feel sun

But feel also how time does runAnd dread those cunning questions onExams which come too soon for fun.

But think the joy of marking themWhen we are off to play again

c Westarp4AChem

Anonymous



rts ContestDeclares a Winner

Darren Zacher nd Mike OlleyYour soon not to be arts directors

Congratulations to the winners of the Arts Submissi on contest

The winning submissions are

rtistry

1st Formula-One Racer2nd Wolves in Pencil

Prose

1st The Engineer's Soliloquy

Honorable mentions to Orris and Kati fol their somewhat eclecticsubmissions Awesome

Thanks to everyone who exercised their left half this term. Have a greatwork term, we'll see you all in the Winter

K. Prin cz

3 tech

c.f.tyt\' br y l w

c Potvin

3AChem



Why Studyfor Finals

when ...

I

ou can colourthe old Exec blue

[ ® ® ~W []t® © J@®®w@rr

Crossword of the

Macabre AnswersOK, here are the answers to last issue's crosswor

have heard all sorts about how you should numthese things, will try better next time .

CROSS

1. Arch Demon of Hell: Mephistopheles2 Prophecy of doom: apocalypse3 Famous Boston serial killer did this: strangle4. Eats the dead: ghoul5 To cut up, seriously: mutilate6 One of the four horsemen: famine7 Speech about the dead: eulogy8. Decay: decomposition9 Egyptian god of the undelworld: Osiris10 Party after the funeral: wake

11 One of the three fates: Atropos12. Where vampires rest coffin13 Famous demon catcher: Faust14. One of the seven deadly sins: wrath15. Old grave site: tomb16. Creatures partially responsible for decay: maggots17. Execution tool: noose18. Devil: demon19. Spirit ghost20. Post mortem21. Walking undead zombie22. Death 's steed: pale23. Not quite dead, but looks like it maimed24. Irish screaming spirit banshee25. s tone, found in Hell: brim26. Remove a person's parts: dismember

27 Translucent apparition: wraith28. Fancy place to keep your dead: sarcophagusDOWN

1. Stone guardian: gargoyle2. To remove the thinking p rt decapitate3. Three headed guard dog of Hell: cerberus4. Bone : marrow5. Number of loops n a hang man's noose: thirteen6. The final end to end all ends: armageddon7. The only thing a skeleton has: bones8. Egyptian symbol of the afterlife: ankh9. Death'sfavouriteweapon: scythe10. Another of the fates: Ootho11. Itwillmakeyour rawl: flesh12. Not alive: dead13. Getting busy with the dead: necrophilia

14. Ash storage device: urn15. Embalming to an extreme: mummificat ion16. Inferno's author: Dante17. Oothes for the deceased: sh roud18. High Demon of Hell: Beelzebub19. Hell's water supply: Styx20. Undead: nosferatu21. Angry spirit poltergeist22. Stab through, especially with a long device: skewer23. Demon temptress: sycophant



ACROSS1) MOving yellow disk3 E9 miss7) hitting the quarterback9 Protect this in chess10) and dragons

Crossword MasterChris Trudeau

A Comp11 played on a chess board12) a game that summons spirits14 the first video game

Here is something to help youprocrastinate during your exams.The theme is games .. and I think I

18) based on the almighty fixed the numbering .19) chess piece that moves diagonally20 littleship blowing up rocks Puzzle Master21) do not pass go, do not collect 200 Jason Murray22) throwing sharp things A Comp23) ice or field24) n court or on a table25) a game and a musical26) fuzz ball jumping on block pyramids27) old_

30) the name of this card gameis the last thing you say31) william's yard34) castle35 c r a z y _37) a game with marbles40) think Vegas43) Gvils should play this44 type of hockey45} dice game46) slithering thingsand this48) a card game with a fancy scoreboardSO the most expensive place51) all games have at least one of these singular)52) board game requiring a VCR54) a lottery game55) hide a n d _56) wack the birdDOWN1 Canadian money game2) video game about drug cops3) this board has triangles4) apology5 card gambling6) you're it7) sticks and coloured balls8) what you need to win at skeets13) card game & insult15) clue 7 + numbers16 vertical board game17) chess piece21) tower of blocks

26) the newest from id28) the id game29 a game, or a bug32 football33 most sportsrequire one of these36) used n curling38 lonely card game39 2141 game with a bubble42) roll t h e _4 7 _ t o s s

48) t a r o t _

49) a type of goal53) fish5 7 _ b o a r d

58) game where you plot to takeover the world

~ -IC.

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- - l J I ~ r - - t - - + - ' - - ' - _ 1

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Bill's Most Excellent Adventures

ill GrayN Comp Off, but not Forgotten

JIme 18 - Adelaide - Australia

Arriving in Adeiaide had an extremely calming effect on my mind . With almost threeweeks to spend in these quiet surroundings,

1 was sure 1'd emerge a ver y calm, seda te individual,stress-free and ready to continue my voyages. Andthis goal may have been accomplished if it hadn tbeen interrupted by one moment of careless confidence.

I'm not really sure how Melody and I formulated thisidea, but I do know that we had great hopes of visitingtwo of Adelaide's better known tourists spots: VictorHarbour and the Borassa V alley.The former is one ofAustralia's premier h l ~ w t c h i n gsites, and the lattera world famous wine region. Both were under 100km

from Adelaide, and the routes seemingly easy. Thus,the decision was somehow made to rent acar for theweekend.

After doing a qui k search of rental companies it was obvious that the far and awaycheapest place was "Rent-A-Bug". Asuspicious of the low price, but ( ,()T.hrlpnt

with previous rental experiences (inda) we reserved a car and prepared forweekend. We felt ready. We were wrong.

I should mention now three importantfacts regarding the rental of this car First,Australians drive on the leftside of the road.Second, automatic transmissions areered grand luxuries, reserved for largeing sedans; thus any car we could affordrent woul d definitely have a manualmission. Third, neither of u s couldstick. Butfull of that brash confidencemakes us jump out of airplanes, I saw it as a challenge .And I was right

Then we saw the car. It was a 1.6L 4-speed fourbanger Mitsubishi Colt. Last I checked, Mitsubishimade VCIrs . The car was a good ix years old, andhadn't aged well. Rust spots and small dents coveredthe body, the i d ~ v i c wmirror was cracked and most ofthe in5trumentati n knobs came off in our hands. It ranon leaded gasoline; till availabl in Australia until theyear 2(0), Our insurance had a $900liability. I doubtedthe car was worth that much . The car was an wldeniable shit-box.I wondered. if it would even pass a safety

inspection in Canada. And it was ours for the next threedays .

The car rental guy gave directions to a side streetwhere I could get used to shifting with my left hand. Jjust wanted to get used to the third pedal by my feet.No point in mentioning that to him, I figured.

Now, being an engineer (albeit a Comp) I knewenough about cars to understand the interactionbetween engine speed, road speed and gear, and knewwhat part the clutch played in all that. So I hopped inthe car and promptly stalled it pulling out of the park-ing lot. Much to the delight of the car rental guy.

; Eventually I got moving, with much shaking andsquealing of tires (or tyres). Trying different combinations of high-revs, low-revs, clutch out fast, clutch outslow, I justcouldn't find that magical spot that allowed

Be Excellent to Each Other

every other car on the road to accelerate smoothly fromintersections. Let's not even talk about starting on anuphill slope, especially when the car behind is a RollsRoyce.

All that aside, I was able to get around Adelaide during rush hour without too much difficulty, and pulledonto the wrong side of the road only three times;one ofwhich necessitated a ride over a concrete meridian .Once the manual transmission was under control, Icould start concentrating more on the actual driving.And that's when the real fun began

Let's discuss the "round-about" first; their ingenioussubstitute for the four-way stop. It is a big circle intowhich four or more streets converge . Entering into theround- about, you turn left, but you signal rig ht Unlessyou're taking the first road you encounter . In that ease,you'd signal left. In any event, you ceasesignalling rightand signal left when you want to exit. Make sense?Now expand the concept to involve multiple lanes.

Look kids Parliament BigBen

Assuming you can make it through that, you soondiscover that all lines on the road are white . You'reexpected to figure out the rest yourself.A dashed linecould mean both lanes are going the same way. Or thatit's a two-way traffic road and passing is allowed. Thisis confounded further by dashed white lines indicatingthe path you should follow if turning right at an intersection; for all four directions, sometimes with multipleturning lanes. The result is a mass of jumbled lines thateveryone is expectedto decipher.

Stop and yield signs are usually implied and often

ignored. Left turns at a red light are not allowed, butoccasionally are if the left-hand-turn light is present.There are also signs explaining "Turn Left AnytimeWith Care", making me believe all unmarked left turnsare to be taken with reckless abandon

On the topic of traffic lights, for some unknown reason they are painted flat-black. So at night, all you cansee are these mystical red and green lights suspendedseemingly in mid-air, somewhere in the distance. By thetime you're close enough to discern an intersection, youhave to brake hard an d hope no one rear-ends you.

Through perseverance and quick-thinking (and notjust a bit of luck) we made it through the weekendunscathed, and saw some incredible scenery. Nowhales, though.

At one point, while looking for some leaded gasoline,

I ask a gas-station attendant which pump has lgas. He looks at me dumbly. ''Leaded gas?"I repeslowl y blink s and asks, "Gas? Or petrol? ""Petrol". This he recognises and informs me"Super" means "Leaded". Must stand for Supechance of lead poisoning, of which this guy seehave an acute case. I'm pretty sure the majority of Cdians would have made the leap from "petro"gas".Toomuchtoask,Isuppose.

July2 - Alice Springs - AustraliaWhat trip to Australia would be complete with

visit to the heart of the continent. Alice Springs is aas close to the centre of Australia as one can get. Bis merely a transfer point to and from the small toYulara, some 400km to the south -west. The reasogoing to Yulara- Ayers Rock.

The Aboriginal name for Ayers Rock is Uluru,soon learned that it is much more than just a large

in the middle of the desert. Uluru has huge spiritunificance to the local native population

. a l(xx)kmradius) and was also a rh T ,1 I r l lY site .

Uluru was originally on Aborigine relands until the Australian governmen t rethe tourism potential of the site. Thus, thesurrounding Uluru was excised from

, ; > T V ,, , , , and turned into a national park.years of negotiations, the landwas f

back to its original owners, and ijointly managed by the Aboriginal ownersthe Australian National Conservation AgencThe result is a tourist experience concentraton the spiritual significance of Uluru

than its physical presence.But the physical aspect of the rock is i

sible to ignore. Rising 348m from the flat scruland, Uluru looms dominant over everyth

surrounding it. It is 3.6km long and about 9km arouthe base. And i t is all one stone, which earns it the tthe world's largest monolith . Even more amazingestimated that two-thirds of the rock is still uground. Once up close to Uluru, an interesting seriholes and caves becomes apparent, eroded by theover thousands of years. It's no wonder the Aborigmade this a major spiritual icon.

Although frowned upon by the Aboriginal leadis possible to climb to the top of Uluru and get aning view of the scrub that surrounds. Twenty-speople have died on the climb; mostly from

attacks, but a few from fatal tumbles. As a reasonabperson, I made the 16k m climb in about an hourrecord is 11 minutes.

The walk around the base meandered. through aprising amount of vegetation, for a desert. The refor this vegetation soon became apparent as it begrain. Arid continent my ass This rain continuethree straight days. While this was the first rainChristmas, it still put a damper on the whole" outexperience .

July 7 - Cairns - AustraliaLeaving the dry outback we returned to the

tropical area of the north-east coast. While the purpo

ontinued on next p ge



Bill's ost Excel ent Adventures

continued from previous p ge . .

f this return to Australia's centre for backpacker decaen ce was to do some more diving on the Great Barrier

eef, we had a couple of extra days to kill; and Cairnsas no shortage of activities to suck your wallet dry.After watching an assortment of world travellers cas

ate themselves on a mechanical bull at the bar, weecided it would be wise to spend some time in slightlyuieter environs. So we caught ah Sambus to the townKuranda the next morning.While the town of Kuranda is an interesting one, nes

ed in tropical rainforest and home to a huge marketith some incredible wares, it is also a terminus of theuranda ScenicRailway, which we rode back to Cairns.he bus ride from Cairns to Kuranda had taken 20 mines. The train ride back was over 90 minutes.Plans for this railroad began in 1882, toprovide a reli

ble supply route to the miners in the Atherton Tablends, a large plateau rich in gold and tin that was cutf from the coast by a small range of very steep mounins. The part of the track that overcame this barrier,alled "Section Two" is an incredible feat of engineerg.Section Two, as planned, would run 24.5km, rising1.6m in elevation and requiring 15 tunnels, 93 curvesd dozens of difficult bridges, mounted many metresove ravines and waterfalls. One bridge joins directlya tunnet which presents an odd sight as the train

unges into a hole in the middle of a rock-face.Work began in 1887,and this stretch was built in just

ver four years " ..not with bulldozers and jackharners ..but with strategy, fortitude, hand-tools, dynaite, buckets and bare-hands". Up to 1500 men were

mployed in the project, earning less than a dollar a

y. Over 2.3 million cubic metres of earth wasmoved by these men, by hand. Some sections hadopes averaging 45 degrees, entirely covered wit h a6m to 7.6m layer of disjointed rock, rotting vegetation,ould and soil. Thebid for Section Two was $580,188.

comparison, Section One was 13.2km throughwamps and jungle, and was contracted for 40 (0 ) .

The trip was every bit as amazing as anticipated, ase beauty of the surroundings was equalled only bye incredible task of building the line. Thanks to theilway, the Tablelands developed into a source of timr and its rich grazing land could no w be utilized.The following morning saw Melody and I up brightd early to catch a boat out to the Great Barrier Reef.

he dive boat sits on the Reef,only going to port everyo weeks for fuel and water. Our transfer to the boats with an organized tour company who was making

eir real money on an over-priced day-trip to a largentoo n permanently moored on the Reef. The ride out

as particularly hellish Knowing of my body's dislikeboats, I had taken my motion sickness pills beforend and had no problems. Pity the rest of the passenrs lacked my foresight.In a word, puke-o-rama. Everyone and their sister, itemed, had a cute little white bag wrapped aroundeir lips, being filled with that morning's cappuccinoddanish.The six dives themselves took place over a 24 hourriod (overnight on the boat) wi th the boat movingtween two different reefs . It was, of course, spectacu. Of particular interest were the huge lobster, 2rn+sea

e Excellent to Each Other

snake and numerous Im+ ray that were spotted in ourtravels.

All too soon it -was time to leave the Reef; this time forgood. As we boarded the day-trip boat to return to

land, I wondered if I would ever get here again. Onlytime will tellfor sure.

July 11 Melbourne - AustraliaAfter our relatively quiet but ridiculously expensive

stay in Cairns, w e headed for the last stop in our travelsof the great continent "Down Under" - Melbourne.Located in Victoria, Australia's most densely populatedstate, Melbourne is second only to Sydney as a home tofinance, industry and excitement. To sum it up, Melbourne is a big Australian city while Sydney is a bigworld city. But that doesn't stop Melbourne's three mil-lion inhabitants from raising the ire of every other Australian city through their fierce devotion to the "horneteam" in just about every sport that's played competively; Aussie Rules Football especially.

The cityitselfis a wonderful mixture of modern officetowers intermixed, and often incorporating, Victorianstyle buildings. The result is a downtown that leaves nodoubt as to Melbourne modem facilities while constantly reminding you of its colourful past.

Permanently settled in 1835, 57 years after Sydney,Melbourne was to become the capital of Victoria, abreakaway colony which separated from New SouthWales in 1857. The distance from "civilized" Sydneyand the discovery of gold in 1851 resulted in an atmosphere of lawlessness that necessitated the building of ajail (or gaol). By1864, the jailwas the largest building onthe Melbourne skyline . It was at the forefront of prisondesign, beingbased on the Model Prison at Pentonville,England

All but one cell block was demolished (or repopulated by the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology)and this remaining block is open to tourists today. It

offers a rather disturbing peek at 19th century prisonlife. Inmates were kept in solitary cells at all times, andhad to wear hoods whenever they were outside theircells. A strict rule of ilence was enforced at all timcs,usually pu nishab le by the cat-o'-nine-tails.

The Melbourne Gaol was also the site of 135 hangings, mostly for murder and some on extremely weakevidence. Since they didn 't have photographic capabilities for record keeping, a "death mask" was made foreach executed prisoner. I found these plast r faces(made by pouring plaster on the deceased face) a bit too

realistic,with bits of eyelash and some stray fada hairsticking out here and there.

From the dark recesses of the jail to the gleamingbuildings of the financial district, our next stop was theRialtoTowers; the tallest building in the southem hemisphere at 253m. s far as tall buildings go, this one canbe summed up l l one word; unspectacular. The observation deck isn t even near the top floor. Their bigdrawing card is membership in The World Federationof Great Towers. While this may sound enviable, itshould be noted that the SearsTower isn't in this Federation, so it's not a very comprehensive group. But if itmakes the Aussies feel proud .. lt should be noted, however, that a new building is being planned that wouldcorne up taller than the CN Tower. Now that'd beworth $10 for a ride to the top.

Other highlights of Melbourne include:

TIle Queen Victoria Market Witll the "0££ Ya TreeBong hop" and an old Italian lady who somehowmanaged to sell u twice as much ravioli as wewanted

A public transport s tem involving trams, whichnecessitates car dri ers making right turns from thelefthand lane of the roadThe h tel that couldn't fit "heat" into its budget,but has uper clothes dryers which melted myswimming trunks, consequently ruining four otherhilts in the process

Subway doors that are "electronically operated"yet must be opened by hand

July 12 - Air New Zealand Flight 366- Over The Tasman Sea

As we rushed to the Melbourne Airport, I nodded ableary farewell to Australia. Being Sam,it wasn't goingto get mudt more sentimental than that. And now thatAustralia can fall into the "Been tllere, done that, got theT-shirt" category (parts of it, anyways) I must now tum

my a tention to tlle next half of my vacation.For the next two months, I will be exploring some

other locations down here. Next stop is New Zealandfor three weeks, then it's off to wanner climes, withthree weeks i.n Fiji and another week in the CookIslands. There had been plans for a Tahiti stopover aswell, but the flights just didn 't work out.

Unfortunately, these journeys will not be relayedback to Canada, since you will aU be writing exams andsuch thingsas I lounge under a palm tree. Perhaps 111

keep a journal forpublication in W97.Right now I'm watching a claymation film (on the

plane) about a diabolical penguin who drives a wedge(no, not literally) between a dog and his master. The

penguin then outfits the master with a set of radio controlled pants. The dog (who packs a Swiss Army Knife)uncovers the penguin's plot to steal a diamond, andtries to foil the plans. The ending was one of the funniest things I've ever seen [ed: great flick].

With this flight coming to an end soon, I1l have to saygoodbye and thank C ClyOIlC who h 1S t<lkcJ\tlw limptoread each of these arti les. 1 hopt? you/V( C J ~ ) y l x lthem.My scheduled rt>tumdnle is 'plcmlx'f 4, nl which Ume1 will be doing my sixth <lnd (hopefully) final workterm, at ThinkNct . in Tor nto([email protected]). If you rt'ally can', I rl'tum toWaterloo in W97 for my 413 ompEng t rm, get myring in March, then do my 4A l rm in 597, graduatingin August 1997.

Some final thanks to Darren Zacher for actiJlg asmye-mail relay, EngSocfor providing a budg ,t that ) bal'ely touched, and the staff of the IW for wading l h r o L l ~ ~ h

the tripe r 1Th:1il them to prescnt my story in a dear andentertaining manner .

And with that, I wish eWlyone a wonderful summ 'r,and good luck on exams.

P.S. - 2]7 days 'till IRS



• ·o·c ·e· w·sYour NEW Prez: Doron Solomon

Well the Spring 96 term is rapidly

coming to a close. With only a couple of

weeks until the end of exams, th ere's stilllots to do (like study). Don't forget theEOT (End of Term) Pub Saturday nightat th e Bomber. Everyone's going to be

there so make sure you come by andhave some fun. Also, directorships forWinter 97 have been posted in CPHfoyer. There are still some directorshipsthat need to be filled, so if you're interested in one stop by the Orifice by Friday, or

at the beginning of next term, if there arestill any left.

Speaking of the Orifice, it closes for theterm this Friday at noon. Make sure you

get anything done (like copying old

Your NEW VP I:

Kim Whitear

Hey there everyoneWell, Katie [Ed: it is Katil made a point

of announcing at the joint council meeting that the "newly exected elec." (verbatum) must write their first spews forthis issue of the IW. So, here Iam .......................... spewing". Actually,since I was only elected last Thursday, Idon't have much to spew about yet, but

don't worry, there will be wrs comingup in the next two tenns ....promise

This past weekend, I got the chance tomeet the A-Soc. exec at the A-Soc./B-Soc.jOint exec. meeting .... they are a pretty

awesome group J 'm planning on

spending some time during work-termweekends with the current A-Soc. VPInternal, Nancy Baggio to learn the ropesand pick her brain for a while. Also, Iwas initiated in my minute taking skillsat both th joint exec meeting AND thejoint council meeting (you know, 9 hours

of meetings turns into a whole lotta

notes ).Hmmmm .f think I'm all spewed out

for now. Just a reminder: if you have any

ideas about events you would like to seenext term, I've put up a suggestion sheetin the orifice for you to write 'em allllllllll-ill down on before the end of the term

Good luck on finals everyone and have agreat work term

Cia'.

im Whitear

exams) before Friday. Starting at noon

there is going to be an Orifice cleaningparty. If you like throwing out lots of oldcrap, come on by and lend a hand. It's agreat way to warm up for EOT.

Next winter is going to be a great term.I plan to start looking into the ideas I presented in my election campaign. n Ori-fice Committee has already been formed

and during our work term A-Soc willcontinue to look into the problems with

the Orifice and how we can try to solvethem. I also want to find some new ideason how we can communicate better

within the society. Once we have more

effective c ommunication I want tointo how we can improve the societythe way it functions in order to get m

of you involved.That's about all I have to say for n

Directors keep your eyes peeled for

mailout sometime in October. Therebe information on what's going on on

Soc and, if there's going to be a J

Council, where it is and when. Inmeantime, have a great work term

make sure you come back to schoolJanuary psyched up for a great term

oran Solomon

Your NEW VP ••

John Faber

Hello from the world of FABES

Hi I'm your new VP External. When

you last heard from me I was in the middle of a campai gn against a very compe

tent opponent. Well I won. Actually Iwas acclaimed. Anyway this is to say Hi.HI

Also I wanted to tell you about the

Summer Meeting of the Canadian Federation of Students. As you know, and if

you don't, I am the VP Finance OntarioRep for the Federation. last weekend wehad a meeting in Montreal. It was fun.We spent about thirty hours in meetingsand got a lot accomplished. Over the nextsix months the federation willbe working

on several things. This includes contin-

ued relations with the Canadian Couof Professional Engineers (CCPE),Association of Consulting EngineeringCanada (ACEC) and the Provincial Pfessional organizations. In Ontario

Provincial Organizatio n is the PEo.

As well, the CFES will be working

Incorporation of the three main brancThese are the Congress of Canadian Eneering Student s (CCES), Canadian Eneering Competitions (CEC) and PrMagazine. This willtake a lot of work

we hope to get it done. There are m

more things but these are some of

ones th at concern me.

Oh, as a word of advice, when goina bar in Montreal don't wear sandles.

Finally I want to say hi to the

directors. I believe that by the timegets out the directors will have been

sen. It will be fun working with you,

hope I will be able to meet with all of

soon.Thank s for your time.Bye

Fabes

-

_ - - • • _ .: • • • _ _ _ - •• __ • 0 " _ • .: __ . _ _ • - : : : : _ _ __ _ ~ ::.-::_- _::_-.- .



• ·o·c ·e· W·

VP External Last Spews ..

Well, exams are around the cornerand how do you feel about that? Another term whizzed by and you're one step

closer to graduation. I ve really got a lotout of involvement with engsoc, and I

really recorrunend getting involved toanyone who hasn't yet. It is time consuming, but it has its rewards (writingspews not included) and you come out

of a term of engsoc involvement with afew new friends and a sense of having

accomplished something (maybe it s justa misinterpreted sense of relief).

I have a few more announcements

before I officially sig n off, so read on.

ConferencesToday is your last chance to get a con

ference application into the VP Externalbox for an application to the ESSCOAGM and the PEO conference. ESSCO(Engineering Student Society Council o fOntario) AGM (Annual General Meeting) is being held at Queen's on the

weekend of August 24. The PEO (Professional Engineer s of Ontario) confer-

ence is in September sometime and isbeing held at Guelph University.

FrontrunnersIf you haven't signed up now, it may

be too late.Thanks to all the directors who have

put a lot of time and effort into making

this a great term.111 see you all next term.

Nicole lxarius

. . . . . ..

Eng oc

CalendarAugust

5 • Civic Holiday

September2 - LabourDay3 Fra3hIW9 - l..ecturesBegin11 COt.mdJMeeting 113 - 0CYr

14 - RoshHashanah2 : - Tripto the

Brt.inswickHouse. ENGWEEKSfartS

t ~~ ~

VP Finance

Hello from the land of corporations,

birthdays and goodbyes. So ends another chapter in EngSoc Financial history.You ll have to excuse if this spew takeson a slightly nostalgic tone, but it s thelast of my 2G-something VP-F spews .

It seems suiting that I entered execwith a proposal for a C&D Manager on

my plate, (thanks SKJ) and now move

on with a proposal to hire a Corporate

Manager. I wonder who was :re-electedto exec to create the Office Manager position? I remember the original seed of

idea for computerized. finances, the back-

up fund, SAVE, the corporate manager,and the rest of my initiatives. I remember

Doof and I spending over 200 hours tocreate a C&D inventory system that

proved unuseable. I remember ratification and various collections of morons

feeling concrete or frosh week is relatedto finances?? I sincerely hope Council

doesn t make a habit of treating its most

involved members like criminals. No, no

bitterness there at all.I 'd like to thank everybody that

helped me during my terms: my fellowexec members , especially Viddles.

Besides having an unusual affinity forduct tape, he has always been the voiceof reason, and my strongest supporter.Many people don't realize the work that

goes on behind the scenes, but Viddlesand JVD finally had the guts and initiative to deal with a lot of issues that otherpresidents had let linger. My respect forthem both. Thanks to m y roorrunates

and lab partne rs over t he years, especially SKI. Your advice has been invaluable,and I think you can trace most of my initiatives back to seeds of our late night

conversations. Yes, I said I ll mop the

floor and I ' l l get around to it soon.

Thanks to m y girlfriend, Georgia, for

sharing me selflessly with my second

pe s ...love, the Engineering Society. Thanks toa series of finance directors, notably

Doof, Jason and Kitty. Your helpallowed me that rare privledge of sleep.This paragraph would not be completewithout thanking Mary, for exceeding allexpectations and making the C&D morethan I had ever dreamed. (Keep going ..Orifice, POEIS, more ..)

I'd like to finish with a quote from

Rush.:

We are young,wandering the face of the Earth,wondering what our dreams might be

worth,learning that we're only immortalfor a lim ited time./I

My thanks to all those that have sup-

ported my dreams and immortality. My

condolences to those that would try otherwise.

Mike Worry

9 Coundl Meeting 311 ~ IW 212 Columbus Day

14 - Thanksgiving17 - OKTOBERFEST24 - TAL-ENG0 End of DaylightSavings

30 - CounciI Meeting M

31 Hallowe'en

ovember



• ·o·c ·e· w·sPrez Final Spews ... WEEF Guy s Last

Spews

Well here we are at the end of term,and as you probably already know, Ihave lost all of my powers. Well not thatI had any real power anyways. So, aswith all past executives, the time hascome to pass m y insightful wisdomalong to the masses . So here it goes ..........Well enough of that

I have been racking m y brains for

hours now trying to say something use-

Well, it looks like we ve come to theend of the road. This term seems to havejust flown by, and now it's nearly over.However, we ve all had a great time

aJong the way.The semi-formal was fantastic despite

the small threat of rain. It's great to seethat you can both dress up engineers

(except for the loincloth, the co conut bra,the wetsuit and the one individual who

was briefly in less) and take them out. Inever thought Waterloo Park could be

fuL The truth is that it's not there. Personal shot, it's ok rwould like to let youknow that I had a great time as Presidentover the past 16 months and that 1'd do itagain at a moment s notice. I have

enjoyed working with so many differentpeople throughout the terms. But I must

confess, I am really looking forward tograduation. Someday I will look back at

these years and say, ya those were thebest years of my life " Right now I findthat a bit difficult with all those assignments and exams looming ever closer.

I promised myself that I wouldn t cry.There that s better. Anyways, have agreat work tenn, and 111 be back in thewinter for one last time. Good luck toeveryone this tenn and take care.

Brian

Go ahead Impeach me - I dareyaVidler

The WEEF funding council took placeon Monday July 15th. In att ndancewere 16 WEEF reps from all years and

departments. Thanks to all of them, forcoming out and for helping make themeeting run smoothly.

WEEF has $126,557 dollars of interest, on the prineiple to distribute this year.

As a result, a target of $40,(0) was set forthis funding allocation. Additionally ,there are $14,000 dollars left over fromprevious years that may be available for

I spending (if the Board of Directors sodecides).

As can be seen from the table labeled'WEEF PRELIMINARY FUNDINGDECISION ' we went slightly over$40,(0), and came out almost exactly at1 3rd of $126,(0). The funding decisionwill now go before the Board of Direc-

: tors (B.OD) to be approved. A m ting: of the board o directors for this purpose: will take place in mid-August or early

September (e erybody s chedulvery full). After the 8.0.0. approvdecisi n th mon y willbe distrib

Thanks to all tho e who gaWEEF thi t rm. Keep up the

work'

Ka Iil

VP-Internal Last Spews ...that good, and the full pig at dinner was

the icing on the cake. Thanks to Gayan,Jay and Niki for putting together thisnight in paradise.

TalEng reinforced the fact that there' san artistic side to the engineers. The

show opened with a tap group puttingon a great performance . This set the

stage for the other great performancesfor the night. We also heard from a greatcross section of soloists and duets. Onthe non-musical side, we saw a tight

rope walker and bodybuilder. n the

large groups we heard amaz ing performances from an acapella group and abarbershop quartet. We concluded with

several fantastic bands to rock the nightaway. Thanks to all of the performersfor your excellent jobs, and hats off toMike Olley for pulling the whole thingtogether.

Joint ouneil was h>ld in t11' middleof July as we got togcth r with our Of f -stream friends to di 1CUSSsome issue:>. Anew formal policy for th lW was introduced (it's not really new materint more

documentation of current practices withsome modifications.) In additi on to this,a proposal for a Corporate Manager was

aJso presented . All in all, the meeting

was informative, went quickly, and thebrunch at Weavers was fantastic.

As the academic term is drawing to aclose, so does our term in office as EngSoc exec. I d like to thank all of the directors over our past two terms for the time,dedication and the fabulous work you

did I d also like to take this opportunityto wish the new exec, Doron, Kim, Jayand John, all the best in the next 16

months . They ve got some excellentideas, so we re aJl in for a fabulous time

n t tl'nn .To nd a fant<lstic term (despi

w ath ' 1 ), lh 're's no bcUl'r Wlly lhE r Pub .It the 13ombshl'ltel' . W "two dolbr drinks and a fabul uIt' s on Saturday, July 27th andone's go ing to be there ( man,

like a thrc day brcak until 'xamssaid)

Well, that s about a ll 1 have t

Hasta Lucgo, and be:.;t of luck On

and the work term.

Ed Flelcher



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