Women and

Communication in the

Workplace

Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman

Consulting Member of EM Technical Staff, Oracle

DBAKevlar.com

Communication

• 52% of Women stated that they felt communication holds them back in the workplace.

• 90% of communication is non-verbal

• Male Dominated Tech Arena- It is essential to communicate effectively.

“Men insult each other and don’t mean it, women compliment each other and don’t mean it.”

From a young age, females learn to give

compliments; it's almost reflexive. Compliments are a way of reaching out to one another, an offer of affirmation and inclusion. Men are more likely to volunteer evaluations instead of hand out compliments.

• Risk taking in childhood. • Approval response with adults. • Cultural expectations. • Unconscious bias and stereotypes.

How do women weaken their image

while communicating?

“Bossy” - Boys vs. Girls

Too Much Nodding

• To Women, Nodding Communicates: “I hear you”.

• To Men, Nodding Communicates: “I agree with you.”

Options to Address

• Do not assume, lessen nodding.

• If you find yourself repeating information, men are less likely to listen once a topic is repeated, ask for clarification instead.

Uptalk

• A rising reflection in the end of a sentence.

• Appears as a questions instead of a statement or an opinion.

• Vocal pattern is less likely to be taken seriously.

Options to Address

• Practice bringing voice down at the end of a sentence.

• Practice more direct speech and ask to open for discussion than search for discussion with speech pattern.

Being Assertive

• Do you think you can get me that data by tomorrow?

• You think we are a great team, right?

• Unintentionally sends a weak message instead of one of strength.

• Minimizes the message.

Options to Address

• Remove taglines before you speak, (Right?)

• Practice bolder speech ahead of time, before speaking out loud.

• Use Statements instead of questions.

Allowing to be Interrupted

• Men are raised to more easily jump in and speak in conversations. Women are more likely to wait for a turn.

• Women are also more likely to be cut off or interrupted.

Options to Address

• If interrupted, “I’m not finished.” or “Please, wait till I’m done.”

• Do not hesitate to jump in when you should. Don’t be scared to be wrong- it’s more important to communicate and it gets easier with time.

• Commit to making one contribution at every meeting/event/discussion.

Losing Credit for Ideas

• There’s always one more than happy to take credit for other’s ideas.

• It impedes other’s professional progress and is limiting to company’s progress.

Option to Address

• Speak up and clearly take credit for your contributions:

• “I just stated that a minute ago.”

• “How is that different than my proposal that I made?”

• Take credit for all that you do.

Problem Solving

• Women often prefer to go over all avenues of an issue before deciding on a resolution.

• Discussion can be viewed as an obstacle by many men to a solution, same with making decisions.

Options to Address

• When discussing an issue with male colleagues, get to the point clearly unless very specifically stated in the agenda.

• Ensure deadlines are clear for both parties.

Physical Space

• Men have a tendency to be very unreserved, more relaxed- sprawled out, stretched legs, arms comfortably sat out at the table.

• Women in surveys were found to check their appearance in sitting approximately 10 times per hour. They have a tendency to sit “drawn in”- keeping arms and legs close to the body.

Option to Address

• “Own your space”.

• When standing, keep feet firmly planted on floor, arms at a comfortable distance from body.

• When sitting, spread out to own the space in front of you and cross legs at ankles if necessary.

• Avoid clothing that constricts movement and allows the ability to spread out more, (dress pants over pencil skirts, etc.)

The Workplace Bully

• Avoid those that communicate via “win through intimidation and isolation.”

• This type of communication, (from a peer/manager) undercuts productivity, creativity and harmony in any workplace.

Options to Address

• Document all communication, (i.e. ask for everything in writing.)

• Always be gracious to a bully and do not take responsibility for their behavior- remember, this is their problem, not yours.

• If the bully is a manager, consider a new department or a new job. Life is too short and your energy is too valuable for this type of person.

Avoidance of Public Speaking

• Public speaking can quickly dismiss any misconceptions created by physical impressions.

• Public speaking gives the opportunity to offer visibility and equal exposure in the technical arena.

Options to Address

• Find mentors, locate smaller venues to speak at, get out there and shine.

• Don’t let initial set-backs hold you back.

• Join local organizations like “Toastmasters” to practice public speaking.

Network Building

• Due to complexities in male/female work relationships, it can be difficult to reach out and network for women, but it is essential to career and communication enhancement.

Options to Address

• Reach out using Social Media Tools such as Linked in, to build connect to those in industry.

• Start informal mentoring by asking 1 or 2 important questions of those you respect.

• Join online forums to offer guidance and create a clear online professional persona for networking.

• Clearly separate professional from personal social media forums.

Goal Oriented Communication

• Remember what you goal is for the conversation and keep on the path.

• This will often require you to keep other’s goals included in your own. Without including their agendas, you won’t get far with your own…

Goal Oriented Communication and

Emotion • You have a right to feelings.

• You feel things for a reason and it is a strength.

• Place the emotions aside and think about WHY you felt the way you do in the conversation.

• What do you want to accomplish with the conversation?

• Use these words, (without the emotion) to reach that goal.

Why Small Changes Are Wins

Additional Tips

• Say what needs to be said- this is not a popularity contest, but do say it in a way that you would want it said to you.

• Always try to do the right thing over being right in a conversation. Being gracious can be contagious.

• Know when it’s not your problem in communication and when to walk away.

Communication Challenge

Women very often compliment each other on appearance to open conversation.

• Open conversation with compliment on a business or technical contribution the woman made.

• Offer to assist or network with the woman on the project/challenge.

Communication Motto to Live By:

Feel with your heart, think with your mind and say what you mean.

References • McManus, Barbara F. "Gender and Modes of Communication." March 1999. (August 27, 2010)

http://www2.cnr.edu/home/bmcmanus/gendercom.html • Booher, Diane. "Gender Negotiation Communication Style Differences: Women." (August 27, 2010)

http://www.negotiations.com/articles/gender-bender/ • Evans, Lisa. “Are We Speaking a Different Language. Men and Women’s Communication Blind Spots.”

(June 11, 2014) http://www.fastcompany.com/3031631/strong-female-lead/are-we-speaking-a-different-language-men-and-womens-communication-blind-s

• Radicati. "Email Statistics Report, 2009-2013." May 6, 2009. (August 30, 2010) http://www.radicati.com/?p=3237

• Rosetti, Paolo. "Gender Differences in Email Communication." The Internet TESL Journal. Vol. 4, No. 7. July 1998. (August 30, 2010) http://iteslj.org/Articles/Rossetti-GenderDif.html

• Roter, Debra, Hall, Judith H. & Aoki, Yutaki. "Physician Gender Effects in Medical Communication." The Journal of the American Medical Association. Vol. 288, No. 6. August 14, 2002. (August 26, 2010) http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/full/288/6/756

• Tannen, Deborah. "The Power of Talk: Who Gets Heard and Why." Harvard Business Review. September-October 1995. (August 27, 2010) http://www9.georgetown.edu/faculty/tannend/pdfs/the_power_of_talk.pdf

• Torppa, Cynthia Burggraf. "Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships." The Ohio State University Extension. 2010. [September 3, 2010]

• Whitworth, Damian. "Why Men and Women Argue Differently." The Times. October 30, 2007. (August 27, 2010) http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article2764731.ece

• Shavin, Naomi. Forbes, “What Work Place Bullying Looks Like” • http://www.forbes.com/sites/naomishavin/2014/06/25/what-work-place-bullying-looks-like-in-2014-

and-how-to-intervene/