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Intimate Relationships:Personality Development through

Interaction during Early LifeMaren CardilloNorthwestern University

AbstractThis paper reveals a theory of personality based on the formation of intimate relationshipsduring the early stages of a person's lifetime. During infancy, childhood, adolescence, andyoung adulthood, new needs and tensions arise in the individual. In attempt to seek ways ofadapting to these newfound stresses, people develop different kinds of intimaterelationships that ultimately form their personality. Relationships formed during each stageof life serve as a prototype for interactions in later stages. For this reason, there exists a

continuum of relationships formed throughout a lifetime that shape and mold specificpersonality traits.

Neither intimacy nor individual development can exist alone. The birth of a child initiates ahuman being into a life-long process of mutual adaptation between the child, his or herintimate relationship partners and the broader social environment. Intimate interactions andrelationships affect adaptations to the changing needs and stresses that evolve with eachstage of development throughout one's lifetime. Intimate interactions from early life serveas the basis upon which relationships later in life are formed. Environmental contingenciesto which individuals must adapt are rooted in these relationships. In an attempt to adapt toother people's styles of relating, one must adjust his or her own behaviors (Baldwin, 1992).Based on the fact that human development is a product of complex interplay of forces that

reside within the individual human being and the environment by which he or she issurrounded, it can be proposed that interpersonal interactions and relationships shapeindividual personality and coping styles. Psychological maturity involves integrating intimacyinto a life framework that encompasses all parts of the self.

Relationships Formed during Infancy andChildhood

Dimensions of Temperament

From the time of birth, every individual is biologically predisposed to approach the worldwith his or her own personal style. Studies of infants suggest that some variability in human

behavior may result directly or indirectly from genetic differences. Developmentalpsychologists term these differences as dimensions of temperament. Based on chemical,biological, experiential, interpersonal, and social factors, different dimensions oftemperament manifest themselves over time and across different situations. PsychologistsBuss and Plomin have proposed the existence of four basic temperament dimensionspresent in human beings (McAdams, 1989):

1. Emotionality is the tendency to express negative emotions such as anger and fearfrequently and vigorously.

2. Activity is the degree of physical movement that a person characteristically shows.

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3. Impulsivity is the degree to which a person acts quickly without deliberation, movesfrom one activity to the next, and finds it difficult to practice self-control.

4. Sociability is the tendency to be outgoing and friendly and to enjoy the company ofothers (McAdams, 1989, pp. 136-137).

According to this theory, persons are inherently born with tendencies to develop these four

temperaments to different levels. These dimensions are present in infancy and continue togrow throughout childhood and adulthood. The social environment reacts to thesetendencies, modifying and shaping them in different ways. Such modifications are theresults of interpersonal relationships that begin to form during early life. The development ofa unique interpersonal style is a function of temperament (McAdams, 1989).

The Mother-Child Relationship

A human being's first intimate relationship is the mother-child relationship. According toFreud (1949), a human being's first encounter with intimate behavior is with his or hermother during the act of breast-feeding. "The act of sucking is the most primitive manner ofknowing the innermost self of another, and to suck the other into one's innermost"(McAdams, 1989, p. 139). During infancy, the baby obtains nourishment and pleasure fromsucking at the mother's breast, thus reducing tension caused by the hunger drive.

Engagement in such a tension-relieving activity during this early stage serves as theprototype for relationships that develop later on in life. Life-stage-related changes in stress,tension, and needs are based on the outcome of such coping attempts formed duringinfancy. The need for security and comfort play an important role in shaping the interactionswith caregivers (McAdams, 1989, pp. 71-81).

Attachment

According to the Bowlby and Ainsworth (1991), the love between a mother and an infant isthe result of an attachment bond formed during the first year of life. Interactions between achild and his or her mother form behavioral patters that are reflected in later relationships.An example of the development of personality as a result of this bond can be seen in thesecurely attached infant. As a result of sensitivity and responsiveness on the part of thecaregiver, an infant may develop a "secure" attachment style (Rothbard & Shaver, 1994).

Infants who develop "secure" personality types feel confident and at ease when relating toothers. They learn how to take turns, how to lead and follow, and how to express andreceive. The attachment bond serves as a prototype and provides the earliest pattern forwarm and close relationships (McAdams, 1989, pp. 140-143).

Interactions with Peers

During preschool years, a child's need for autonomy and individuation influences his or herintimate interactions with peers. Children look to share and communicate while enjoying thecompany of their peers. These interactions are based on the quest for coexistence betweentheir newfound independence and the love they experienced during infancy.

Aspects of the parent-child relationship affect the efficacy of children's adaptations.Competencies acquired through interactions with parents are reflected in children's

interactions with peers. In laboratory studies, children who show more self-reliance andcontrol are found to have parents who are nurturing. In contrast, children who are lessautonomous are found to have parents who are more permissive (Prager, 1995, p. 89). Innursery school and kindergarten, children who had developed a secure attachment bondduring infancy are described by their teachers as more socially competent and popular. Theyare observed to show more dominance and initiative (McAdams, 1989, p. 143).

Such peer interactions characterized by autonomy, sensitivity, empathetic concern, andability to verbalize emotions reflect the formation of intimate friendships later on (Prager,

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ConclusionIntimate relationships formed during infancy, childhood, adolescence, and young adulthoodgive rise to continuing relationships, and ultimately to individual development. These lifestages are associated with richer bodies of knowledge about intimacy than any other (Savin-Williams & Berndt, 1990). Relationships are formed as adaptive measures necessary for

coping with adjustments and transitions. Concerns with the self and with one's ability toadapt cause people to seek identity through intimacy. Children seek to develop autonomywhile maintaining the ability to retreat to their caregiver for support. Adolescents areconcerned with developing individuation while still seeking acceptance of those aroundthem. Young adults confront the challenge of molding an adult identity. Relationshipsprovide context in which children, adolescents, and young adults can resolve life-stage-related preoccupations about their individual personality.