Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships
-
Upload
ryan-dean-buchmann -
Category
Spiritual
-
view
2.423 -
download
0
description
Transcript of Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships
![Page 1: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
How to Form Healthy Intimate Relationships
“Theology on Tap” Edition
![Page 2: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/2.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
My Website
• www.pccsandiego.com
• pcc = Pastoral Counseling Center
![Page 3: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/3.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Slides are available
• www.slideshare.net
• Search on “introduction to intimacy” or “ryan buchmann”
• Movie clips will not be available.
![Page 4: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/4.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Book Recommendation
![Page 5: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/5.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Book Recommendation
![Page 6: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/6.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Characteristics of Intimacy
1. Intimacy is not easy and is often uncomfortable. Involves the risk of vulnerability,
rejection, disagreement, separation.
2.Intimacy happens when it happens.
![Page 7: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/7.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Movie ClipThe Incredibles
![Page 8: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/8.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Characteristics of Intimacy
1. Intimacy is not easy and is often uncomfortable. Involves the risk of vulnerability,
rejection, disagreement, separation.
2.Intimacy happens when it happens.
3. Intimacy is NOT sex, yet sex is a part of being intimate.
![Page 9: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/9.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Movie ClipSex and Breakfast
![Page 10: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/10.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
What is “intimacy?”
“Intimacy is The recursive experience… …of open self-confrontation…
![Page 11: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/11.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
What is “confrontation?”
• A meeting of persons face to face
• An open conflict of opposing ideas
![Page 12: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/12.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
What is “self-confrontation?”
• an event in which one is forced to recognize one's true self and its possible implications and/or consequences.
![Page 13: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/13.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
What is “intimacy?”
“Intimacy is The recursive experience… …of open self-confrontation… …of core aspects of the self… …in the presence of a partner.”
--David Schnarch
Author of Passionate Marriage
![Page 14: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/14.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
What is “intimacy?”
Intimacy starts from
within.
Relevant Point:
![Page 15: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/15.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Premise for this Talk
• Your job is NOT to somehow get your partner to reveal more about him/herself.
YOU are responsible for initiating the intimate
exchange.
![Page 16: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/16.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Premise for this Talk
YOU are responsible for initiating the intimate
exchange.What does that imply with respect to:
• Getting a date with someone?• Finding out if someone is into you?• Getting married?
![Page 17: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/17.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Question:
Exactly what is it that I should be revealing about
myself to my partner?
![Page 18: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/18.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
The Dimensions of Intimacy
The Four Aspects of the Human Person
![Page 19: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/19.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Dimensions of Intimacy
•Emotional•Intellectual•Spiritual•Physical
![Page 20: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/20.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Emotional Intimacy
• Entails knowledge of one’s feelings Being able to identify when one is
experiencing an emotion. The ability to label the emotion which
one is experiencing. The ability to know the source of the
emotion.
![Page 21: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/21.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Media Clip“What Dreams May Come”
![Page 22: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/22.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Intellectual Intimacy
• Knowing how you think and what you believe to be true. To which beliefs to do you hold rigidly?
To which do you hold flexibly? What drives, inspires, and motivates
your beliefs? What is the source of your beliefs? What experiences did you undergo to
form your beliefs?
![Page 23: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/23.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Book RecommendationEve Eschner-Hogan with
Steven Hogan
![Page 24: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/24.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Movie Clip
He’s Just Not That into You
![Page 25: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/25.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Spiritual Intimacy
• Each person does everything within their power to become their most authentic self.
• The authentic self is the very person that God created us to be. We are most happy when we are authentic.
![Page 26: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/26.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Natural Drives
• The drive to be one’s authentic self can be called the drive toward the autonomous self .
• Relationship is another primary human drive.
![Page 27: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/27.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Natural Drives
• People move toward relationship to insure survival of self and to procreate.
• People move toward autonomy to establish one’s individual identity and one’s place in the world.
![Page 28: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/28.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
The Delicate Balance
Human beings must delicately balance the drive for relationship with the drive for autonomy.
![Page 29: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/29.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
The Delicate Balance
Togetherness urges us toward others for attachment, affiliation, and for approval. Finds expression in
companionship, family, and society itself.
![Page 30: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/30.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
The Delicate Balance
Individuality is defining one’s self as separate from others. Individual beliefs,
choices, personal autonomy.
![Page 31: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/31.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
The Delicate Balance
Balancing between individuality (autonomy) and togetherness (relationship) creates a constant tension.
Individuality
Relationship
Togetherness
![Page 32: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/32.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
The Delicate Balance
In the early stages of a relationship, the goal is to develop togetherness (e.g. things in common).
Togetherness pushes us to follow the directives of the other, to be a part of the group.
![Page 33: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/33.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
We Become Like Those We Love!
![Page 34: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/34.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
It gets dicey!
Once togetherness has been established, we yearn to retain our individuality.
We are propelled to follow our own directives, to be on our own, and to create a unique identity.
This flies in the face of the “rules of togetherness.”
![Page 35: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/35.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Differentiation
• The ability to maintain your sense of self…
• …when you are emotionally and/or physically close to others…
• …especially as they become increasingly close to you.
--David Schnarch“Passionate Marriage”
![Page 36: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/36.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Differentiation• For the undifferentiated person,
the need for togetherness resembles a neediness to be loved and accepted (aka “clingy” or “high maintenance”).
• There is a continued need for contact, validation, and consensus from the other.
• This leaves us unable to maintain a clear sense of who we are.
![Page 37: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/37.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Differentiation
• The differentiated person does not say “I need my space.” They can stay in the relationship and know who they are.
• Differentiation is the ability to maintain your sense of self when your partner is away or you are not in a primary love relationship.
![Page 38: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/38.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Media Clip“The Incredibles”
![Page 39: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/39.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Media Clip“The Incredibles”
![Page 40: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/40.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Media Clip“The Incredibles”
![Page 41: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/41.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Excuse Me…
Weren’t we talking about Spiritual Intimacy?
![Page 42: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/42.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Spiritual Intimacy
• The act of becoming your authentic self while remaining in a relationship is a movement toward authenticity which is directly connected to God’s plan.
![Page 43: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/43.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Spiritual Intimacy
[Jesus] called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
Mt 18:1-3
![Page 44: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/44.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Book Recommendation
![Page 45: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/45.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Book Recommendation
![Page 46: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/46.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Physical Intimacy
• Easy to do: a smile, a handshake, an embrace, a kiss on the cheek.
• As a couple we hold hands, walk arm in arm, or snuggle.
• Physical intimacy entails connecting with someone through any of the senses: sight, sound, touch, smell, or taste.
![Page 47: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/47.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
The Problem
People think intimacy can be experienced by
having SEX!
Very BAD!
![Page 48: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/48.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
The Problem
![Page 49: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/49.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Physical Intimacy
• When physical intimacy is established too quickly, it begins to stunt the growth of the relationship.
• We begin judge the quality and value of our relationship on the basis of physical intimacy.
![Page 50: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/50.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
A Better Approach
Intimacy
Sex
![Page 51: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/51.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Movie ClipWhen Harry Met Sally
![Page 52: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/52.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Consider this…
• Which of the 4 dimensions of intimacy is the easiest to do?
A. Emotional
B. Intellectual
C. Spiritual
D. Physical
![Page 53: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/53.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Consider this…
• …So if the physical dimension is gone (i.e. “stopped having sex”), what does that say about the actualization of the other dimensions?
![Page 54: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/54.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Cautionary Note!
• Don’t try to force intimacy.
Remember: Intimacy will happen when it happens. Be open to it!
YOU are responsible for initiating the intimate exchange.
Show yours first.
![Page 55: Theology On Tap - Healthy Intimate Relationships](https://reader036.fdocuments.us/reader036/viewer/2022081518/54803ff4b4af9f517c8b45ce/html5/thumbnails/55.jpg)
Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTIPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern
Questions?