English Jokes

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English Jokes

• If you took 3 apples from a basket that held 12 apples, how many apples would you have?

• 3!!!

• There is a cannibal on a plane and at lunchtime the airhostess comes and says: – Do you want the menu? And the cannibal said:

• I prefer the travellers’ list.

This man a man so small, so small, so small…

That he saw a marble and said:

The world is mine.

• How much is four by four?

– TIE!

• And two by one?

• SALE!

• This was a girl so silly, so silly, so silly that

• She was enclosed in a supermarket and died of starvation

• What month has got 28 days?

• All of them.

•How many letters are there in The English Alphabet?

18 letters! 3 in “the”, 7 in “English” and 8 in

“alphabet”

• What is the difference between cats and a dogs?

• Dogs think: – “Human beings are benevolent, they feed me

and take care of me, so they must be Gods”

• Cats instead think: – “Humans are benevolent, they feed me and

take care of me, so I must be God”.

• Why is the letter T like an island?

– Because it is in the middle of water.

What is a green dot in a corner?

A punished olive

• A man goes to the doctor and says:

– Doctor, I’ve got a problem! I’ve got two personalities

– And the doctor replies:

• Be quiet, sit down and let’s talk the four of us.

• Why shouldn't you put the letter "M" into the refrigerator?

• Because it turns ice into mice!

• There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left?

• 2 birds. The other 3 fly away!

This is a long joke…

• The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or American people.

• On the other hand, French people eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British and the Americans.

• Japanese people drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

• The Italians drink excessive amounts of red win and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or teh Amercians.

• So the conclusion is…

• …That you can eat and drink what you like because the only dangerous thing is …

• Speaking ENGLISH!