Monster Jokes

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Transcript of Monster Jokes

How do vampire footballers get the mud off

How do vampire footballers get the mud off? They all get in the bat tub.

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula? A blood hound.

Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he's a pain in the neck.

What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails? He cut all his fingers off.

What was the Californian hippie vampire like? He was ghoul man. Real ghoul.

What's a vampire's favorite sport? Batminton.

What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.

What did Dracula say to the Wolf man? You look like you're going to the dogs.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone? A fangster.

Where do Chinese vampires come from? Fanghai.

What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve? Auld Fang Syne.

What do vampires have for lunch? Fangers and mash.

What happened at the vampires reunion? All the blood relations went.

Why did he have fang decay? He was always eating fangcy cakes.

If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do? Join his fang club.

What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving Day.

Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.

What do you call a vampire with no eyes? No idea.

How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs.

What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Well, fangcy that!

Why was Dracula thought as being polite? He always said fangs.

What do you get if you cross a vampire with a jar of peanut butter? A vampire that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

What do you get if you cross a Rolls-Royce with a vampire? A monster that attacks expensive cars and sucks out their gas tanks.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?A bite in shining armor.

What happened when two vampires went mad? They went bats.

What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work in the evening? Have a nice bite!

What's Dracula's favorite coffee? De-coffiin-ated.

Q: What do you do if a werewolf eats your Halloween candy?A: Eat an apple instead!

Q: What do you call a hairy beast with clothes on?A: A wear-wolf!

Q: Why do werewolves howl at the moon?A: Because no one else will do it for them!

Q: What do you call a werewolf with no legs?A: Anything you like he cant chase you!

Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?A: Terrier-fied!

Q: What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?A: He got ticks!

Q: What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a hyena?A: I dont know but Ill join in if it laughs!

Q: How can if you have a stupid werewolf?A: It howls at full cups of milk!

Q: What happens if you cross a werewolf with a sheep?A: You have to get a new sheep!

Q: Why was the werewolf arrested in the butchers shop?A: He was chop-lifting!

Q:Why do werewolves do well at school?A: Because every time theyre asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!Q: What does it mean if there is a werewolf in your fridge in the morning?A: You had some party last night!

Q: What do you call a hairy beast thats lost?A: A where-wolf!

Q: How do you know that two werewolves have been in the fridge?A: There are two sets of paw prints in the butter!

Q: How do you make a werewolf laugh?A: Give him a funny bone to eat!

Q: What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a frog?A: An animal that can bite you from the other side of the road!

Q: What did the werewolf say to the other werewolf at dinner?A: Please pass the vampire!

Q: Mommy, Mommy, whats a werewolf?A: Dont worry about that honey and comb your face!

Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?A: He was trying to make both ends meet!

Q: Why did the boy take an aspirin after hearing a werewolf howl?A: Because it gave him an eerie ache!

Q: What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?A: A terrified postman!

Q: What do you call a hairy beast in a river?A: A weir-wolf!

Q: What is a werewolfs favorite food?A: You!!!!

Q: Mommy, why do all the other kids call me a werewolf?A: Well take your friend out of your mouth before you speak!

Q: When does a dog go moo?A: When it is learning a new language!

Q: What did the cowboy say when the werewolf ate is dog?A: Well, doggone!

Q: What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?A: It became a wash and wearwolf.

Q: Whats a werewolfs favorite nighttime story?A: A hairy tail!

Q: What happened when the blind werewolf chewed a bone for an hour?A: When he got up he only had three legs!

Q: Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves party?A: He had them howling all night!

Q: How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?A: Throw a stick and shout fetch!

Q: Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son Camera?A: Because he was always snapping at things!

Q: How do you make a werewolf stew?A: Keep him waiting for until the full moon!

Q: Why are werewolves thought of as quick witted?A: Because they always give snappy answers!

Q: What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?A: A were-wolf!

Q: When is it bad luck to have a werewolf follow you?A: When youre a human!

Q: How does a werewolf eat an elephant?A: One bite at a time!

Q: What parting gift did a mommy werewolf give to her son when he left home?A: A hair comb!

Q: Did you hear about the sick werewolf?A: He lost his voice but its howl is right for now!

Q: Why shouldnt you grab a werewolf by its tail?A: It might be the werewolfs tail but it could be the end of you!

Q: What do you call a dentist who cleans a werewolfs teeth?A: CRAZY!

Q: What happens if you cross a hairdresser & werewolf?A: A creature with an all over perm!

Q: Where does the werewolf sit in the cinema?A: Anywhere he wants to.

Q: What happened to the werewolf who ate garlic?A: His breathe was worse than his bite.

Q: What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?A: A mad dog that chases airplanes!

Q: How do you stop a werewolf howling in the back of a car?A: Put him in the front!

Q: Why was the werewolf upset with the skeleton?A: He had a bone to pick with him!

Q: What did the vampire say when he heard the werewolf was coming?A: Wolf where!

Q: Whats a werewolf favorite hobby?A: Collecting fleas!

Q: What werewolf will laugh at any joke?A: A ha-ha hawling werewolf!

Q: What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?A: A monster who bites you, and then one that eats you!

Q: Why dont werewolf make good dancers?A: Because they have two left feet!

Q: What type of markets do werewolves avoid?A: Flea markets!

Q: Why did the monster call his werewolf Frost?A: Because Frost-bites!

Q: Why do dogs run in circles?A: Because its too hard to run in squares!

Q: What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?A: Ruff!

Q: What happened to the werewolf that swallowed a firefly?A: A bright werewolf!

Q: Why does the werewolf love Halloween?A: The treats turn up on the front door step all night long!

I used to be a werewolf but Im all right nooooooooow!

Frankenstein Jokes

A monster collection ofFrankenstein jokes for kids.Q: How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?A: He bolts it down!

Q: What kind of book did Frankensteins monster like to read?A: One with a cemetery plot!

Q: How did Frankensteins monster eat his lunch?A: Nuts and bolts!

Q: How does Frankenstein sit in his chair?A: Bolt upright!

Q: Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?A: He didnt want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q: Why did Frankenstein the monster give up boxing?A: Because he didnt want to spoil his looks!

Q: Whats the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes?A: You cant mash Frankenstein!

Q: What does Frankensteins monster call a screwdriver?A: Daddy!

Q: What did Frankensteins monster say when he was struck by lightning?A: Thanks, I needed that.

Q: How does Frankenstein jump start his day?A: With a shock of lighting!

Q: What happened when a vicar saw Frankenstein walking towards him?A: He made a bolt for it!

Q: What did one of Frankensteins ears say to the other?A: I didnt know we lived on the same block!

Q: How do you know Frankenstein is tired?A: Hes dead on his feet!

Q: Why cant Frankenstein have children?A: His nuts are in his neck!

Q: What happened to Frankensteins monster on the road?A: He was stopped for speeding, fined $150 and dismantled for three months!

Q: What should you do if you find yourself in the same room as Frankenstein?A: Keep your fingers crossed that its a fancy dress party!

Q: Who brings the monsters their babies?A: Frankenstork!

Q: Why did Frankenstein go to a psychiatrist?A: He thought one of his screws was loose!

Q: What did Frankenstein get when he put his goldfishs brain in the body of his dog?A: I dont know, but it is great at chasing submarines!

Q: How can I stop Frankenstein charging every time is out?A: Why not take away his credit card?

Q: What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?A: Great! A jolt to the bolt!

Q: What do you call a clever monster?A: Frank Einstein!

Q: Someone told me Frankenstein invented the safety match.A: Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements!

Q: What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?A: He gave him the cold shoulder!

Q: How did