Community Based Conflict Defusing/Resolution

Presented by:Bill Tibbo & Associates

Key Working SessionsCSIM Level I & Level IICommunity Based Conflict

Resolution/DefusingTalk So Your Teens Will Listen and

Listen So you Teens Will TalkCatch Them Being Good As They Can BeDeath NotificationTruth & Reconciliation Commission

Mental Health Service Management

Experiences - Our WorkEarthquake Turkey911Holocaust SurvivorsRitual Abuse Victims SARS Epidemic 2003Air France CrashTruth & Reconciliation Event

WinnipegUnited Nations 2011

Looking Back 26 Years

Holocaust Holocaust SurvivorsSurvivors

Residential Residential School School

SurvivorsSurvivors

Ritual Abuse Victims

EarthquakeEarthquakeTurkey Turkey 19991999

Terrorist Terrorist AttacksAttacks9/119/11

SARS EpidemicSARS Epidemic20032003

Hurricane IvanHurricane IvanCayman IslandsCayman Islands

20052005

Air FranceAir FranceCrashCrash

Transportation Transportation CrashesCrashes

Families of Abducted and

Murdered Children

United Nations

“The reality today is that we all are interdependent and have to co-exist on this

small planet. Therefore, the only sensible and intelligent

way to resolve Differences, clashes of interest, whether between individuals or nations is

through dialogue.”

The Dali Lama

Introductions – Objectives - Conflicts

Examples of Conflict in Your CommunityFrom the conflict examples

provided in the introduction select

2 workplace conflict examples2 community conflict examples2 individual conflict examples

The Roots to Community Conflict

Group arborist exercise.

Complete the roots chart reflecting your collective view of community conflict.

Conflict in Your Community Review roots of conflict.Discussion on why these conflict

continue to exist.

Communication

Communication - ListeningThe way we deliver a message will

be reflected in the way it is receivedThe better you listen, the better

that they willWhen you are listening, truly listenUse their name often, but in a non

confrontational mannerAsk for their willingness to talk

Listening Exercise

Active Listening Skills

Emotional LabelingParaphrasing/RefreshingReflecting/MirroringEffective PausesMinimal EncouragersI MessagesOpen Ended QuestionsBody Language

Active Listening

You are to sit with your partner and explain in as much detail as possible one of the best

experiences you have ever had in your entire life.

Listener see what you can learn!

ExerciseThen Change Positions

Active Listening Skills

Emotional LabelingParaphrasing/RefreshingReflecting/MirroringEffective PausesMinimal EncouragersI MessagesOpen Ended QuestionsBody Language

Communication QuestionsIf you ask questions, listen to the

answersBe clear in why you are having the

conversationBe clear on what your concerns are

aboutBe clear on what behaviors are expected

and those that are not acceptableAsk them if they are in agreement

Speed Greeting Exercise

Active Listening – Asking Questions

Why Conflict?Group ExerciseWhat is at the root of conflict?

- Describe the root of each of your workplace, community and individual conflict

Why does it exist? Does it serve a purpose?- Do any of these examples provide a purpose?

Imagine a world without conflict! What would be different? What would we gain? What would we lose?

Ask the Right Questions?The question may not be how to we

eliminate conflict, but rather “how do we create an environment where the conflict we face is productive and mutually beneficial?”

Normalization – Acceptable

Think

Behave Feel

Examples of Community Conflict

Group ActivityGiven the 6 examples of conflict,

How do these examples impact your community, your workplaces and/or individual relationships?

Conflict vs. Conflict vs. Conflict

In 3 columns outline elements of:o Individual (non work) conflicto Work place-work group conflicto Community Conflict• What do they all have in common?• What makes them unique from one

another?• What are people attempting to

accomplish in each situation?

What About Me?In the middle of conflict, we all ask

at some level, “What About Me?” Time for some me questions

How am I in any way contributing to this conflicts?

Why do I feel unsupported through this?

Tension and Productivity

PRODUCTIVITY

TENSION

Focus Resolution

Focus Tension

Who Owns The Resolution?Are we attempting to stop the conflict,

postpone the conflict, or solve the conflict?

The resolution is owned by those who are there at the time…not deferred.

A solution may not always be possible, but a resolution is. What is the difference?

Is it possible to resolve or solve each of the conflicts? How ? Why?

Group Exercise Given your example identify

- who owns the conflict?- is a solution/resolution possible? - how can the conflict be resolved or solved and how?

Just Some ThoughtsThe Familiarity Rule “Kick Your Shoes Off”What is at Risk?What is socially acceptable?

Timing Is Everything

Take the Time to Know Your Thoughts

What Is Good Timing?Is Responding immediately always the

best philosophy? How will it work in your situations?

Am I or are we prepared to respond/act?Can we be proactive in this situations,

and if so what does that look like?What is considered too late?How does the 24 hour rule apply to

conflict resolution?How does it apply to the identified

conflicts?

Know Your ReasonsGroup ExerciseGiven each conflict respond to each of

the following points.When conflict occurs, before responding

know why am I/we doing so.What is your motivation and your

“Perfect Outcome”?Retaliation, or evening the score is never

a good reason. Is it possible that retaliation is or could

become a factor in your conflict?

Delay it & We Defuse IT

Knowing WhenEXERCISE Which of the identified conflicts

would require you to delay your response to conflict?

What are your reason for the delay?

Are there any circumstances in which you would consider not respond at all? Reasons.

EscalationThe conflict then

reaches a new level

Sometimes driven by both parties

Positive and Negative Escalation

Standards of BehaviourWhy do we even have them?What would our circumstances be

like without them?How important are they to

maintain?How might they impact the

conflicts that we have identified?

Policy & ProcedurePolicy and procedure are essential in the

home (not normally policy, maybe unwritten or non-verbalized house

rules), the workplace, and in the community.

In what way does policy and procedure benefit from conflict?

In what way does policy and procedure create possible roadblocks to resolution or solution.

How will policy and procedure have an affect on our identified conflicts?

Looking Ahead

Forecasting Areas of Potential ConflictStaff on Staff Client on

StaffCommunity

Now Add Conditions

Consider These ConditionsExercise – Impact of Conditions on Your Conflict Recent Separation

Troubled Teen At Home

Alcohol or Drugs a Factor

Child Just Went Off to University

Brand New Mom

Steps To Dealing With Potential Conflict

Develop a planDecide who will

speak with the individual

Speak with them on their own

“Is this a Good Time to talk?”

“I need to speak with you about something quite important”

Steps To Dealing With Potential Conflict“I want to speak with

you before…because I am concerned about how you will react when …”

“As you know, that cannot happen for these reasons…”

I want to be able to work with you to problem solve so it does not occur.”

Pre-emptive Communication

Scenario: Most Common in the Community

Mindset for Success Communication Gap

Know the Expectations

Listen more Speak Less

Personal points of view and feeling.

Sparks

Remain Calm

Speak when you are angry and you will give the best speech that you will ever regret. Lawrence J. Peters

Skills in the Eye of the Storm1. Positive Attitude

2. Quiet Place

3. Take Control

4. Listen Watch & Learn- Active Listening

5. Analyze and Acknowledge

6. Speak Softly & In Control Peggy Lee

7. Reach Agreement

8. Thanks

Dispute Resolution AssessmentReview Process

0 1 2 3 4 5

Greeted person/people in friendly manner

Asked questions to clarified their concerns

Took control of the situation. Ensured they understood why you are having the conversation Remained calm throughout the situations – did not get personalListened Actively & acknowledged their feelings. Demonstrated they understand the other person feelingsDid not escalate unless situation may result in harm

Reached a level of agreement

Recorded information for sharing and follow up

REAL PLAYExercises

Your Conflicts

Dispute Resolution AssessmentReview Process

0 1 2 3 4 5

Greeted person/people in friendly manner

Asked questions to clarified their concerns

Took control of the situation. Ensured they understood why you are having the conversationRemained calm throughout the situations – did not get personalListened Actively & acknowledged their feelings

Did not escalate unless situation may result in harm

Reached a level of agreement

Recorded information for sharing and follow up

Blood Video – Father not listening