2.11

Picture of the Week Vroom!!!

Concerning Being Arrested and Pregnant

Human Embryo (dramatization)

Saturday - National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day/Aggie Muster Day (good eats there)

Sunday - Oklahoma Day (who cares?)

Monday - World Laboratory Animals Day (put a rat in a maze)

Tuesday - Remembrance of Man's Inhumanity To Man Day (remember how mean you were to some-one)

Wednesday - Robigalia (God of Mildew) Celebra-tion

Thursday - Remember Your First Kiss Day (or if it was bad, you can forget it)

Strange Observances (holidays etc…)

Submit your photos at ramdiculous.com

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When I got there, he was insistent upon that fact that I could not be pregnant, it was, he said, a physical impossibility. I asked him to run tests so that he could see I was indeed pregnant. When the results came back from my various tests, the doctor informed me that I was, as he said, not pregnant but that I had a rather large and dense bowel movement that was unable to dislodge itself due to its im-mense girth. I wept openly with joy over not being pregnant, but boy was that a scare I never want to have to endure again.

-- Samuel Clemens

As a general statistical rule, the law of averages dictates that one out of every 200 people will either be arrested or pregnant at some point in their life. Both of these options are typically not good because when they happen, it is both spontaneous and incredibly unplanned. Sure, you can toe the line in a legal and moral sense, but if you screw up (or just plain screw) even once you are almost assured to have one of these life altering events happen to you. I know that in my experience, getting pregnant was the worst thing to ever happen. Oh sure, the prospect of new life is quite enthralling and can be a great journey filled with morning sickness, swollen feet and intense bouts of irritability and irrationality leading to having people who are close to you hate you, but in the end, it comes down to a gross inconvenience. Now, most would agree those are terrible things to say, especially because bring-ing a new life into the world is a beauti-ful thing. Well, they would be right, but I ask them, have you ever been pregnant unexpectedly? Because I have and it's a scary and confusing time. There's the whole uncharted waters thing of not knowing what to do, who you should tell, or who the hell the father is, AND we cannot forget the

most embarrassing and scary task of telling the parents you got knocked up because you were fornicating in a drunken or drug-induced stupor. What helped me the most when I discovered I had a little thing growing inside of me was to tell one of my professors. The impulse may have been linked to the fact that I was so loopy and crazed that I thought telling my professor would help me get an A in my class. Sadly, this did not work. My professor sort of stood there stunned with a look of confusion as to why I would tell her all of my personal life. Looking back, I think what I was really wanting was for the baby to jump from womb to womb, like sharing music wirelessly on my Zune, as I told the first person I was pregnant. I figured it was cheaper than an abortion, and less mean since the baby would still get to be born. But my fantasy was crushed when I asked my professor if she felt any different now that she was pregnant and she looked at me dumb-founded, asking what the heck I was talking about. As I explained my logic to her, she laughed at me. It was a hurtful laugh. Had I not been pregnant, I would have. I was deeply hurt that my plight was being taken so lightly. I pressed ahead with life though and made an appointment with my doctor.

Angelo State 's Fines t Paper Since Fal l 2006

Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week 2

Public Service 2

Quote of the Week 3

Weather 3

Facebook Invasion 3

Poetry Corner 4

Who’s this? 4

Thoughts To Ponder 4

T-shirt of the Week 8

Movies 8

Last Issue’s Answers 5

Colbert Cornert 6

April 20, 2007

Day Without Shoes

Volume 2, Issue 11

Awkwardness...

WALKING FARTS

This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that

make a normal person feel awkward… Submit your thoughts @ ramdiculous.com

Bryce Parsons

Disturbia

RAM OF THE WEEK Q: Why is it called "politics"? A: Because "poly" means "many," and "ticks" means "blood sucking parasites." Q: What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a rabbit? A: A pit bull. Bryce is our Ram of the Week, thank you for the few submissions that we got. Bryce is the newest member of the Ramdiculous Staff, kinda (this is not official). We assimilated him into the Ramdiculous Staff once he was irrationally fired from the RamPage. We, unlike the evil ones, enjoy his work and appreciate him.

I was genuinely interested in seeing this film, it had all the elements that make for a good thriller - semblance of plot, smoking hot chick, terror, blood spray , shovels, tunnels, creepy neighbors, and most importantly Shia LaBeouf. However, once again, the previews proved to be this films undoing. Upon arrival for the film, I was exuberant and antsy, I was expecting a thrilling thriller that really thrills. As the film progressed forward, however, I found myself wanting to take a nap. The opening se-quence is quite pastoral and then turns intense as a massive car crash, though random, occurs and kills Shia LaBeouf's characters'' father. After that, for the next hour and a half, there is not a whole lot of anything that actually happens. The director, brilliant as always, goes for the cheap, quick, and "unexpected" scares of people grabbing others or showing up out of left field for a brief instant. However, if you've watched any amount of thrillers or true horror films, and know the signs to look for, both visual and auditory, you can predict exactly when one of

these cheap scares will appear. And in some cases, you can actually predict what type of scare is coming. The feel of the movie is not even that which you typically associate with a thriller, it feels a bit more like a National Lam-poon film - quirky, light-hearted and

very sexually active. Overall, the acting was shoddy, some-what shallow and pedantic with the devil really being in the details that peo-ple seem to just make up at will. If it were not for Sarah Roemer being in this film (she's the smokin hot chick), I probably would have walked out. Wait, no I wouldn't have, the

ending actually rocked it pretty hard-core. Not because the movie ended, but because it actually had action and was tense. Based on the hottie and the ending alone, I'd give this film a solid C-, though it is up for interpretation. Go see it and tell me you don't get bored. If you can argue your case, hell, I'll give you five bucks.

- Kendall T Longbottom

Volume 2, Issue 11

THE WEEKLY JOURNAL by: George Ferguson

Scams. One word. We all have heard about them, but most have not experienced one yet. I could go through the list of the usual scams such as stealing people’s clothes when they are skinny dipping, or putting sour cream in your roommate’s deodorant. But of these I do not speak. They are the scams that you don’t really see coming. Unless you have read this article.

A few weeks ago I was trying to sell some stuff on the online classifieds. Little did I know I was about to be a scammers next attempt at scamming the scam game player thing. Here is the actual letter I received…….

“From: Emmanuel Sands

I have a keen interest in the item that you have for sale. Is this item still available? If so, what is your final asking price? and what is the item c o n d i t i o n ! Please get back to me as soon as possible.

Thanks!

Mac”

The first thought that popped into my head was “wow! This guy is a mentally challenged child!”. But since he knew how to operate a keyboard (or bongos?...) I will credit him with the age of 13. The second error he made was his name. I don’t know how he got the name “Mac” from “Emmanuel Sands”. Although I was kind of suspicious of this 13-year-old hacking at a computer, I replied……

“Well, I will be asking $450 now. I had to sell the hi hats that were going to come with it. the original asking price was $500. but it still is for sale, and just as a reminder, it comes only with the toms, bass drum, and the snare, as well as the snare stand and the hi hat stand. The hi hat stand is best with 13" hi hats. As far as the condition, they are in good condition. I painted them myself. They are red and black with yellow stripes. There is a spot on the bass drum hoop where the pedal has worn the paint off, but the paint on the drums are in perfect condition. They have been lacquered so the paint will be in good condition for a long time. If you are interested in looking at them, just let me know and I will send you my cell phone number. Thanks!

I thought that maybe he really was interested. But…..he didn’t call. And he responds…..

“ok that’s great but I will like if u can scan me the picture cuz has I have said it really needed urgently cuz am going to send you the cheque on Monday so I will appreciate it if you can send me the pics to see what am requiring for. thanks Mac”

Honestly, who the heck knows what he is trying to say. The third thing that tipped me off was that he was willing to throw down $450 without seeing pictures, or even looking at it. Cos that’s just stupid! I wrote back with the usual “This is a scam” thing, and being the well educated person he was, he wrote back completely denying the entire thing. So, let this be a lesson to everyone. If Nigerian scammers (no, I do not lie) contact you through email only, have a little fun with them. See how high you can get them to pay. Up the amount by thousands. If it is a scam, he will still agree. Then say you are bugs bunny and you are busy making a Looney Toons movie, and he will still believe you. if another contacts me I will be sure to post it. Again I say….all this really did happen, and the scammer really writes like that. Until next time, don’t eat the broccoli then go on a date.

Ramdiculous Page

What is your favorite TV Show?

BSM Activities

Tuesday: Freshman Bible Study @ 7:30 PM

Friday: Logos Lunch, $1 Lunch, @ 12:00 PM

Upcoming Events

Dierks Bentley Concert Thursday, April 26, 2007

Baseball and Softball Check RamPort

Quote of the Week

“Dude, It’s on”

Consumables of the Week

Drink: Dr. Flash (dr. pepper + red flash)

Snack: Philly Cheese steak

Make sure you have at least one this week

Nolan Ryan Paige

Shkoder, Albania

WEATHER:

This Week’s Happenings

Primetime TV

Volume 2, Issue 11

Show Time Channel Day

Monk 9:00 PM 25 USA Friday

Family Guy 8:00 PM 10 FOX Sunday

How I Met Your Mother 7:00 PM 5 CBS Monday

South Park 8:30 PM 53 Comedy Monday

Gilmore Girls 7:00 PM 14 CW Tuesday

Jericho 7:00 PM 5 CBS Wednesday

According To Jim 7:00 PM 2 ABC Wednesday

Lost 9:00 PM 2 ABC Wednesday

Scrubs 10:00 PM 10 FOX Thursday

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? 7:00 PM 10 FOX Thursday

CSI 8:00 PM 5 CBS Thursday

Ramdiculous Page

Kurt Crenwelge

Jeannette Chandler

DDOO YOUYOU KNOWKNOW WHOWHO THISTHIS ISIS??????

If you do, tell us at:

ramdiculous.com

THE ULTIMATE STUDY AIDE the test, otherwise you might run out of time. So next time you feel that test breathing down your neck, just run out and by play-dough, and the rest will take care of itself.

*If ten minutes ago counts as ancient and having Irish heritage makes you Celtic

By: George Orwell

“All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others”

I realized that my ten study tips last week lacked something very important: an aspect of studying without which, you are at a seri-ous disadvantage. That is the use of play-dough studying, an ancient art developed by the Celts*. I should warn you right away that it is very time-consuming and difficult. But if you can master this great art, you will with out a doubt make at least a 98.45820345 on every test for which you use this method of studying. The first thing you have to do is go out and by about ten things of play-dough. If you are on a budget, fewer will suffice, but I cannot guarantee anything. Once you have ac-quired your supplies, all that is left is the studying. Simply take your play-dough mold it to repre-sent each thing you are studying. For example: if you were study-

ing history, you would likely make historical figures out of the play-dough and act out the his-tory. Of course, everything has to be constructed, from charac-ters to settings to important documents, for this method to be beneficial. Another example might be English. Here it is easy to see what you should do. You can use the play-dough to dia-gram all your sentences. You can’t go wrong with diagrammed sentences, and as long as it would take you to do them all with play-dough, you would really have them down well. For that mat-ter, you should diagram every sentence in every story you were supposed to read. Though, you might want to get started at least 8 months before

Volume 2, Issue 11

There is one thing that even still

Helps control the insect’s will.

In my garage it does reside;

It is called insecticide.

It rids the yard of unwanted guests;

It keeps me safe from all those pests.

In its strength I will confide;

It is my friend, insecticide.

No longer will I have to fear

For insects won't be anywhere near.

By my rules they will abide

Cause of my friend insecticide.

Ramdiculous Page

(4/20/07)

Thoughts To Ponder

• Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are al-ways white?

• Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?

POETRY CORNER

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

let us know…

ramdiculous.com

Snidley Whiplash

CHECK US OUT @

Wonderful

Mixed-Up Child

Count Me Out

The Answers from last week:

Volume 2, Issue 11 Ramdiculous Page

Remember: Don’t wear shoes TODAY!

(you may want to bring some in your backpack though be-cause the UC and Cafeteria people might not let you in

without them)

If you want to know what this is about visit

www.ramdiculous.com/DAYWITHOUTSHOES

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Give us a call and set up a meeting.

[email protected]

(512) 567-4460

Walking Into Things you leave your hair dryer in the washing machine every other Thursday. Thursday is a crappy band. Band is a ring. Ring the bell. Bell of the ball. Ball ma-chine. Machine gun rally. Rally the troops. Troop is a group of boy scouts. Scouts are useful for prospecting baseball players. Players club. Clubber Lang was Mr. T. T Birds are from Grease. Grease monkeys work on cars. Cars was an entertaining movie. Movie review on page 2. Two priests and a rabbi walk into a bar.

--Albert Einstein

Painless is a good thing. Thing was on the Ad-dam's Family. Family Circus is a crappy car-toon. Cartoon charac-ters appear on cereal boxes. Boxes of tissue are standard issue for elementary school. School is cool. Cool Joe was a Snoopy character. Character analysis is an important aspect of theatre. Theatre is somewhat fun if you are any good. Good times is an old tv show. Show me the money. Money is the root of all evil. Evil things are not really good for life. Life is full of difficult choices. Choices mean options. Options are run on the

football field. Field your position. Position your-self thusly and receive the bread. Bread the chicken if you want to fry it. It was a very long book. Book a cruise to sunny Russia. Russia over here and touch me. Me, a name I call my-self. Myself, I prefer redheads. Redheads have tempers. Tempers flare. Flare gun. Gun it and go. Go away. Away far away, there was a land of tempting choco-late camels. Camels have humps. Hump, my hump, my lovely lady lump. Lump was a song by the Presidents of the United States. State regulations require that

Volume 2, Issue 11 Ramdiculous Page

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Words of wisdom from the great Stephen Colbert

Colbert on Cell Phones killing bees

“ . ..More importantly, bees make honey and you know who eats honey, bears, in fact

honey is the only thing bears like to eat more than us, and if they run out of honey, the next thing they're coming for, the only other thing

bees make, our babies. ”

Sports Scores Softball: 7-0 ASU

Baseball: 4-2 ASU

GO RAMS & RAMBELLES

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R A M D I C U L O U S P O L I C Y Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas State University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submis-sions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, [email protected]. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the admini-stration. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook or Myspace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable.

FRACTURE

1:00pm 4:30pm 7:20pm 10:00pm

IN THE LAND OF WOMEN

1:15pm 3:50pm 6:50pm 9:25pm

VACANCY

1:45pm 5:00pm 8:00pm 10:20pm

300

4:15pm 7:15pm 10:15pm

BLADES OF GLORY

2:00PM 4:35PM 7:50PM 10:30PM

REDLINE

2:10pm 4:40pm 7:10pm 9:35pm

FIREHOUSE DOG

12:55pm

Movies That We Want To See

A ANGELO STATE'S FINEST PAPER SINCE FALL 2006

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To Bring *REAL* News to ASU

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2.11

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Transcript of 2.11