The Happiness ProjectThe Happiness Project

The First Church of Salem, Unitarian

Workshop III:

MINDSET MINDSET

A Key to Cultivating a Good Life

A Brief ReviewA Brief Review

1. Happiness is not merely “pleasure”1. Happiness is not merely “pleasure”

Pleasure fades fast…Pleasure fades fast…

2. Happiness is 2. Happiness is notnot a a thingthing to be attained to be attained

A Brief ReviewA Brief Review

Happiness as Happiness as processprocess and and judgmentjudgment

Self-CultivationSelf-Cultivation: The process of working : The process of working toward my goals and values; becoming a toward my goals and values; becoming a better better personperson..

AppreciationAppreciation: Appreciating what is good in : Appreciating what is good in who you are and what you have right who you are and what you have right nownow. .

Happiness is about Happiness is about Cultivating and Appreciating Cultivating and Appreciating

A A GoodGood Life Life

The Happiness ProcessThe Happiness Process

Everyday LifeCultivating my “best self”

1

Appreciate new attendees andmake them feel wanted

The Happiness ProcessThe Happiness Process

Everyday LifeCultivating my best self

1

2 Reflecting onMy Actions

Make new attendees feel welcome

The Happiness ProcessThe Happiness Process

Everyday LifeCultivating my best self

1

2

Appreciate: What is good about… this moment?Cultivate: How can I continue to improve?

Reflecting & Appreciation

The Happiness ProcessThe Happiness Process

Everyday LifeCultivating my best self

1

2 Reflecting onMy Actions

Welcome new attendees

Appreciate: There are some interesting people here

Cultivate: I’m nervous; but it’s about them, not me…

Three Areas of Three Areas of AA Good LifeGood Life

Work/Contribution

Health/Self-Care

Love/Relationships

A Good Life

Happiness isHappiness is

Work/Contribution

Health/Self-Care

Love/Relationships

Cultivation & Appreciation in Each Domain

MindfulnessMindfulness

One element of self-care is One element of self-care is mindfulnessmindfulness: : being aware of what is happening in the being aware of what is happening in the present momentpresent moment..

BREATHINGBREATHING is an act of is an act of centeringcentering

focuses our focuses our awareness awareness that can be done that can be done anytime, anywhere anytime, anywhere for immediate re-for immediate re-centeringcentering

Exercise I:Exercise I:Simple Breathing MeditationSimple Breathing Meditation

1.1. Close your eyesClose your eyes

2.2. Clear your mind of everythingClear your mind of everything

3.3. Attend to your breathingAttend to your breathing

4.4. When your mind wanders (and it will), bring it backWhen your mind wanders (and it will), bring it back

5.5. Let’s do this for one full minuteLet’s do this for one full minute

Now is the time for the most important Now is the time for the most important question for cultivating happiness:question for cultivating happiness:

What does this moment What does this moment have to offer? have to offer?

Exercise:Exercise:What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer?

1.1. Close your eyes and clear your mindClose your eyes and clear your mind

2.2. Attend to what feels good about your Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it.breathing. Consciously appreciate it.

3.3. Ask: Ask: What does this moment have to offer?What does this moment have to offer?

4.4. AppreciateAppreciate

CULTIVATING THE PRACTICE OF SELF-CULTIVATION

Reflecting upon and Developing Your MINDSET

Cultivating my best self

AppreciationReflection for Cultivation

MindsetMindset

How we think of the process of our own How we think of the process of our own learning and developmentlearning and development

Carol Dweck (New York University)Carol Dweck (New York University)

FixedFixed versus versus GrowthGrowth Mindsets Mindsets

Learn this and it can change your lifeLearn this and it can change your life

Really.Really.

I kid you not.I kid you not.

FixedFixed versus versus GrowthGrowth Mindsets MindsetsTheory of

Intelligence, Competence

or Ability

My Goals What I Do

Fixed •Seek Positive Evaluation•Avoid

NegativeEvaluation

•If I believe I have ability, I persist, seek challenge,mastery •If I believe I do not haveability, I am helpless/avoidchallenge/ do not persist

Incremental Increase Competence

•Seek challenge that fosters learning•persist, persist, persist

Ability

See, I think of my ability as a fixed lump of coal in my head. It’s innate. Or God given, or sump’n like that. There’s nuffin’ I can do ‘bout it!

Joe Fixedhead

Thick shell around encased “ability-as-thing”

Growth Mindset

Ability is not a fixed thing; it is a set of skills that can be and must be developed

Fixed MindsetFixed Mindset

I am my abilitiesI am my abilities My self-esteem is tied to my abilitiesMy self-esteem is tied to my abilities My abilities are fixedMy abilities are fixed

If I succeed, I feel good about myself!If I succeed, I feel good about myself! If I fail, I feel bad about myself.If I fail, I feel bad about myself.

Fixed MindsetFixed Mindset

If I If I believebelieve I have high ability, I persevere I have high ability, I persevere and work hard. This is because I know I and work hard. This is because I know I will succeed. will succeed. No threat…no fear…and no No threat…no fear…and no courage needed…courage needed…

When I succeed I will feel good about When I succeed I will feel good about myself.myself.

I will have status, self-esteem, esteem I will have status, self-esteem, esteem from others…from others…

Fixed MindsetFixed Mindset

If I If I believebelieve that I have LOW ability, my self- that I have LOW ability, my self-esteem is threatened. esteem is threatened.

Failure means I’m Failure means I’m dumbdumb. I will see myself . I will see myself as dumb. You will see me as dumb. as dumb. You will see me as dumb.

I feel I feel shameshame, low , low self-esteemself-esteem I will avoid the challenge; choose an easier I will avoid the challenge; choose an easier

task. I may devalue the task. task. I may devalue the task. Since I do not put forth the effort to meet the Since I do not put forth the effort to meet the

challenge, I do not improve. challenge, I do not improve.

Smart and dumb are Smart and dumb are simply beside the simply beside the point, thank youpoint, thank you. They don’t come up.. They don’t come up.

Conceptions of high and low ability are Conceptions of high and low ability are simply beside the point, thank yousimply beside the point, thank you. They . They don’t come up. don’t come up.

If they do, well, low ability simply means: If they do, well, low ability simply means: I I better work extra hard. better work extra hard.

Growth MindsetGrowth Mindset

Growth MindsetGrowth Mindset

I am not my abilities; I am not my abilities; I am a processI am a process; I am a ; I am a work in progresswork in progress. .

Intelligence and ability – no matter what it is Intelligence and ability – no matter what it is – is not fixed; it must develop– is not fixed; it must develop

Any “ability” – set of skills – requires Any “ability” – set of skills – requires effort effort and hard workand hard work in order to develop. in order to develop.

My self-esteem is not tied “fixed ability”; it is My self-esteem is not tied “fixed ability”; it is tied to the tied to the process of becomingprocess of becoming – to my – to my progressprogress relative to where I was or am. relative to where I was or am.

Growth MindsetGrowth Mindset

My GoalMy Goal: To learn; to : To learn; to develop; to improve; to develop; to improve; to take the next step. take the next step.

If I put forth effort, I will improve. (I can’t help but to improve!)

And baby steps count.

This, of course, naturally brings us to….This, of course, naturally brings us to….

NapkinsNapkins

Critical Feedback Critical Feedback and the Growth Mindsetand the Growth Mindset

Failure and the Growth MindsetFailure and the Growth Mindset

FailureFailure doesn’t mean I lack a fixed ability. doesn’t mean I lack a fixed ability. It means that I haven’t developed the skill yet.It means that I haven’t developed the skill yet.

Failure means I need to put forth more effort to develop the skill.

If I adopt a growth mindset, failure need not threatened my self-esteem

Ability

Joe Fixedhead

Criticism and Critical Feedback Criticism and Critical Feedback

Joe, I think that the diagram you made may need a few changes.

Joe Fixedhead

Criticism and Critical Feedback Criticism and Critical Feedback

WAH!!! YOU DON’T LIKE MY CHARTS. YOU DON’T LIKE ME.

WAH!!! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I AM MY DIAGRAMS?

Incrementally Improving Irma

TAKE TWOTAKE TWO

Irma, I think that the diagram you made may need a few changes.

Hmm… What can I learn from this?

Esteemed Boss

A Mild Digression to a A Mild Digression to a Complex IssueComplex Issue

This is not to say that people do not differ This is not to say that people do not differ in their abilities or dispositions. They do.in their abilities or dispositions. They do.

BUT!BUT!

AbilityAbility: She is able to do this.: She is able to do this.

Does this baby have the Does this baby have the abilityability to do mathematics? to do mathematics?

Does this baby have the ability Does this baby have the ability

to do mathematics?to do mathematics?

Of course not.Of course not.

This child will need to put forth a lot of This child will need to put forth a lot of effort and activity to learn how to add, effort and activity to learn how to add, subtract, do algebra, etc. subtract, do algebra, etc.

But, all things being equal, But, all things being equal,

this baby….this baby….

may be more (or less) may be more (or less) predisposed to developpredisposed to develop

mathematical skills mathematical skills in the futurein the future… …

……than this babythan this baby

Regardless of their Regardless of their dispositionsdispositions, they can both , they can both learn math, and will have to exert effort to do so.learn math, and will have to exert effort to do so.

All skills develop over time. All skills develop over time.

Abilities Abilities andand Dispositions Dispositions

Abilities aren’t fixed; they developAbilities aren’t fixed; they develop

People differ in People differ in dispositionsdispositions……

But dispositions are not But dispositions are not abilitiesabilities……

Abilities aren’t abilities until the person Abilities aren’t abilities until the person

is, well, is, well, ableable!!

The Happiness ProcessThe Happiness Process

Everyday LifeCultivating my “best self”

1Make a pretty napkin

The Happiness ProcessThe Happiness Process

Everyday LifeCultivating my best self

1

2 Reflecting onMy Actions

Make a pretty napkin

The Happiness ProcessThe Happiness Process

Everyday LifeCultivating my best self

1

2

Appreciate: What is good about my napkin? {It stands up; It looks like a fan}Cultivate: How can I make it just a tiny bit better?{Make it tighter next time}

Reflecting & Appreciation

The Happiness ProcessThe Happiness Process

Everyday LifeCultivating my best self

1

2 Reflecting onMy Actions

Welcome new attendees

Appreciate: There are some interesting people here

Cultivate: I’m nervous; but it’s about them, not me…

Cultivating my best self

Appreciate the MomentTake the Next (Baby?) Step

Happiness as Happiness as Appreciation and CultivationAppreciation and Cultivation

GOALSTATE

Look at how far I have to go! How overwhelming! I’ll never get there! Never, never, never!

I’m a failure…

How Not To Cultivate a SelfHow Not To Cultivate a Self

Don’t judge yourself simply in comparison Don’t judge yourself simply in comparison to where you want to be…to where you want to be…

Yes, it’s important to know where you’re going…Yes, it’s important to know where you’re going…

GOALSTATE

But don’t judge yourself on how far you’ve But don’t judge yourself on how far you’ve got to go, but instead on got to go, but instead on how far you how far you have come. have come.

GOALSTATE

Just last week I needed help just to stay on my feet!

Mindfulness: Mindfulness: Appreciate the present.Appreciate the present.

GOALSTATE

I have farther to go, but I appreciate where I am.

Mindfulness: Mindfulness: Cultivate the future.Cultivate the future.

GOALSTATE

I’ve got my eye on the NEXT STEP

Some Cultural Illustrations:Some Cultural Illustrations:

American Self-EsteemAmerican Self-Esteemvs.vs.

Chinese Self-CultivationChinese Self-Cultivation

The US-Chinese Learning GapThe US-Chinese Learning Gap

ChineseChinese Students outperform Students outperform AmericanAmerican students in students in mathematicsmathematics (and science) at (and science) at all ages and grade levels beyond the age all ages and grade levels beyond the age of 4of 4

AmericanAmerican students outperform students outperform ChineseChinese students on students on somesome open-ended tasks open-ended tasks and and tasks involving tasks involving creative outcomescreative outcomes

US Approach to Learning US Approach to Learning Self-Esteem/Task/Ability FocusSelf-Esteem/Task/Ability Focus

I am motivated to enhance my I am motivated to enhance my self-esteemself-esteem. . My intelligence and abilities are fixed.My intelligence and abilities are fixed.If I do well, I am If I do well, I am smartsmart and feel good and feel goodIf I do poorly, I am If I do poorly, I am dumbdumb; I feel bad; I feel bad

GoalGoal: Focus on : Focus on tasktask; do well to show ; do well to show ability and enhance self-esteemability and enhance self-esteem

Life-Long Process of Life-Long Process of Self-PerfectionSelf-PerfectionImprove the Self to Bring Improve the Self to Bring HonorHonor to Family to FamilyLearning as MoralLearning as Moral Process; Filial Piety Process; Filial PietyDiscipline, Concentration, Hard WorkDiscipline, Concentration, Hard Work

Chinese Chinese Self-CultivationSelf-Cultivation

GOALGOAL: : FocusFocus on Learning, Improvement and on Learning, Improvement and

Self-PerfectionSelf-Perfection

Alternative Approaches to LearningAlternative Approaches to Learning

USAAbility Orientation

CHINAVirtue Orientation

•Self-Esteem•Ability Focus•Task Focus•Outcome Focus

but•Rampant “Me-ism”

•Moral Self-Cultivation•Incremental Life-Long Learning•Academic and Moral Discipline•Love of Learning •Modesty in Success but•Threat of Familial Shame

Development of “Hao-Xue-Xin” (China)“Heart and Mind for Wanting to Learn”

Jin Li, Brown University

USA CHINA

Need for Self-Perfection/Spiritual Power

.15 .79

Information/Facts/Skills/Understanding

.95 .32

College Students: What is Learning?

Perceptions of Source of Success/FailureJin Li, Brown University

Nation Content

USA •Ability•Learning as Task to be Performed•Creative Strategies

China •Diligence•Persistence•Concentration

Preschoolers: Finish the story…Bird who tries hard and succeeds in learning to fly...

Bear who tries but fails to catch fish…

The Point of this Cultural Analysis

…is NOT to say: the Chinese are happier than the Americans

It is simply to say:

Effort and Reflection Bring Development

What values determine your developmental path?…Identify them

…cultivate them,…and appreciate the moment and the movement..

Prelude to Some ExercisesPrelude to Some Exercises

Serenity PrayerSerenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.and wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer acknowledges that we cannot change everything; that we must accept situations that we cannot change, and even forgive ourselves our trespasses…. And then, work toward the changes that will make for a better life.