SORRY OR

THANK YOU

SORRY OR

THANK YOU-

mac meg

hello this is a collection of things ive stopped and started thinking about since august

theyre all about toronto where i lived for 347 days and a very bad person i met there who scrambled me

i hope you might find the thoughts entertaining in some way

thank you for your feelings have a nice day

1. nestle pure life water bottles2. bright eyeshadow3. david cronenberg4. the switch on my lamp5. black Joe Boxer boxer briefs6. ramen noodles in buckets7. subway 2 for 1 sub coupons8. snow on a baseball field9. un-winter boots10. thick hair11. skulls12.my own skull13.my ribs14.sia15.bicycles16.christie subway station17.honest ed’s18.koreatown19. twins20.daryl hannah in blade runner21.safe sex22.my facial structure23.playgrounds24.a mattress on the floor25. travis bickle26.malcolm macdowell27.popcorn time28.cannibal holocaust29.unsafe sex30.alcoholism31.blades32.Blade 33.hickeys34.corpses35.william s burroughs36.queer37. i remember your skirt38. i deleted it39. i wanted to go further i didnt want to wake you40.mystic river41.party pizza for two42.a claw43.your mothers credit card44.christmas45.Welbutrin 46. racoon when drunk47.vaporwave music48.being too good for father john misty49.aids testing50.broad shoulders

i call this one ‘triggers on a bad day yes i am a sjw’

secondary title: ‘the seriousest thing in here’

1if i was a bolder person i would have told you to that the water in your building tastes the same as it does in mine and that i know this for sure because i am a self taught veritable water tasting expert and my palette is primed for even a drop of dasani and other such insults to our ecosystem

41 through 43i will never eat pizzaiolos fucked pizza ever again in my life even though i often got their big slice at lunch with everyone at school and i would finish mine faster than all of them which made me feel off-the-wall yet down-to-earth like a healthy businessman lunching at hooters

horrifying in a funny way BUTonly sort of

funny ,that is

i dont know what was wrong with me: i dont know what: Was, Is, and Will be wrong

hmmm

ive never been on a date with a 54 year old but i wish i had that story

2015-01-03i am flopping off the mattress on your floor to look at the movies on your bookshelf

i’m sure i see an Araki, i’m pretty sure

you tell me my hair is new waveyou try to count my ribs and you can’t

you’re terrified because i’m pretty

i’m sleeping in a girl’s bed in Decemberi wake up to ten texts from you

you say you can't sleep because of me

and i show her and we laugh

2015-11-03I was crying on the mattress on your floor the posters on your walls were scaring me

I was sure my life was fake I was pretty sure

you told me to stop fucking acting like that you triied to go to sleep and you did

I am terrified I am just

I havent been in a boys bed since 14february when I was with you by accident

you haven't texted me since june

and Id like to sleep

not sure i like this type of thing

ok i dont

this is my fire escape at my old apartment. i miss it more than anywhere. i used to try to go onto the roof of the other building but i got too scared every time and came back over

i liked to stand on it when i was alone it was the only tranquil place in the world and i can hear the sound of the metal right now in my head now im sadder

after my dentists appointment in the upper beachesi dont know why i chose a dentist so far away its a 30 minute streetcari wonder if he will like this when i post it to instagramhe doesit’s scary to look atthe only person i see is a man with a hat with a pocket on it

ha ha ha ha

life to lead above the beachesno need to eat no-name canned peaches

want: 1. a microwave2. a toaster3. a 24 pack of coronas

i never want a boyfriend. im not paying bills

lmao im too sensitive for the city

im too weak and poor for an air conditioner

im packing my groceries at no frills and there’s an old man whistling to himself next to me and he presses the button for the conveyor belt and it pulls his groceries and lcbo bag closer and he looks at me and says

“if you’re nice to it it’ll treat ya good”

referring to the conveyor belt and possibly life in general and im jarred cause this was my first time outside in 3 days so i don't say anything and i regret it

im self aware, babyim a self aware baby

laugh laugh

this is one of two remaining screenshots

i was stuck in a construction zone too drunk to think. he didnt answer his phone. i got really scared and ran and fell in the awful construction dirt over and over

ITS NOT EASY AND ITS GOOD

please. what?

heres the second

there is one other screenshot i recorded but later deleted. it went like this:

him: You’re my most terrifying romantic interestme: dsorry

me: are u awakehim: Yeahme: hello :)him: How’s it going?me: alright…him: Okay

‘when you finally told me i somehow said’

“thank-you for that

you are not a bad personyou could have done more

im fine with your tendenciesnot bothered at all

you are not a bad personthats just what im for“

my real dream world is confusion and bad people

in my Dream dream world im sleeping forever in a bed so comfy i cant feel my body and i will never do anything ever again and im more darkness than touchable figure

my lease is up in october

im moving then

rent will be cheaper

it’s going to be fine

eat me sigmund actually dont

id like to wear flannel all day and live in a house with my wifeand live and be happy like thatand one room would be empty just to dance when im funny and one room would Just be a huge bed-covered floorand the blinds would be open cause id never be scaredand the blinds would be dusty enough to be home

and we have at least one hundred solar panelssome galaxies have one hundred trillion stars

it’s overcast and here i am

here i am with you and youre my wife here we are heres our comically large fish that you wanted to get so we didwe named her Leonard Cohen Memorial Fish cause the 2030s havent been perfect

and i love you and i love you and i really love someone today and guess what its youits you

and and and oh my god

‘a mess thats nicer’

i didnt know him . this is my building

when i didnt know him. he is a bad

person it was a good place

heres the neon saying the tim hortons is OPEN 24 HRS. no matter what

here are seven pics of me that i sent to the person who didnt deserve them. i am repurposing them so u can see my face seven times saying thank you. this is what they were destined for i think and this is their home thank you

while making some of this i listened to klezmer music and early 1900s archived recordings from a royalty free music site which i would like to thank. thank you freemusicarchive.org .this is the end of this

what an odd day