should parents use corporal punishment to descipline their children's you will learn:

to understand children's behavior better. how to prevent misbehavior. how to deal with misbehavior. that discipline helps children learn how to behave. that there are many acceptable ways to discipline children.

disciplineif you have a choice of discipline skills, you will work with children better. you and the children will be less frustrated. most people who care for young children say that discipline is their big concern. they wonder "am i being too easy?" or "am i being too harsh?" effective discipline teaches children behavior that is right for that time and place. as a day care provider, you want to help children develop self-control. with self-control, children will know how to behave even when no one is watching them. children learn best from what actually happens, not from what is said to them. teaching children good behaviors is more than telling them what to do. children will test limits. they will whine and argue to find out how you react. if these negative behaviors are rewarded (the children get what they want), they will use the negative behaviors again. children learn by copying what they see others do. if you model good behaviors, children will copy them. rewards also help children learn good behaviors. if you are pleased with a child's behavior, let him or her know. praise the child, and tell him or her exactly what you are pleased about. also, you can use other rewards, such as smiling and nodding, to let a child know you are pleased. be sure to pay attention to children who are behaving well. do not let children who are misbehaving take all your time. avoid giving things (especially food) to reward good behavior. never shame or belittle a child for misbehaving. the child's self esteem will be damaged, and most likely the child will not improve his or her behavior.

some effective ways to discipline young childrentime out have the child rest or play alone for a few minutes. being alone helps children calm down. then you can use other methods to encourage better behavior.

use words talk calmly with the child. ask the child what happened and why. then talk about ways to work out the problem. try to find an answer that you both like. this helps the child learn to be responsible for his or her behavior. change the activity when children start doing something you do not like, stop them. then explain why you are stopping them. suggest something else they can do. if they want to scribble on the wall, give them paper to scribble on instead. fix up when a child misbehaves or hurts another child, expect him or her to help fix the problem. if a child spills a cup of milk, give him or her a cloth to clean it up. if one child makes another child cry, have the first child help soothe the other child. ignore some misbehavior is done to get your attention. the best way to deal with this is to ignore it. pay attention to good behavior. children need attention for good behavior, not for misbehavior. be firm be clear and firm when you tell the child what he or she needs to do. your tone of voice can show that you mean what you say. stay in control try to work out problems patiently as they come up. act before you getangry and frustrated.

activities to try1. for one day, count the number of times you say things like "don't slam the door" instead of "please close the door gently." then, for a few days try to say "please" more often. try to say "don't" less often. how do you feel when you talk to the children this way? how do the children act? 2. praise children for good behavior. this may help them to repeat the good behavior. 3. try looking at yourself in a mirror when you are disciplining. does your face or your tone of voice scare the children? remember, discipline should teach children acceptable behavior.

is corporal punishment an effective means of discipline?

corporal punishment leads to more immediate compliant behavior in children, but is also associated wi physical abuse. should parents be counseled for or against spanking?

washington -- corporal punishment remains a widely used discipline technique in most american families, bu also been a subject of controversy within the child development and psychological communities. in a large-sc analysis of 88 studies, psychologist elizabeth thompson gershoff, phd, of the national center for children in po columbia university, looked at both positive and negative behaviors in children that were associated with corp punishment. her research and commentaries on her work are published in the july issue of published by the american psychological association.

while conducting the meta-analysis, which included 62 years of collected data, gershoff looked for associatio between parental use of corporal punishment and 11 child behaviors and experiences, including several in ch (immediate compliance, moral internalization, quality of relationship with parent, and physical abuse from th parent), three in both childhood and adulthood (mental health, aggression, and criminal or antisocial behavior one in adulthood alone (abuse of own children or spouse).

gershoff found "strong associations" between corporal punishment and all eleven child behaviors and experie of the associations were negative such as with increased child aggression and antisocial behavior. the single d association was between corporal punishment and increased immediate compliance on the part of the child.

the two largest effect sizes (strongest associations) were immediate compliance by the child and physical abu child by the parent. gershoff believes that these two strongest associations model the complexity of the debat corporal punishment.

"that these two disparate constructs should show the strongest links to corporal punishment underlines the co over this practice. there is general consensus that corporal punishment is effective in getting children to comp immediately while at the same time there is caution from child abuse researchers that corporal punishment by nature can escalate into physical maltreatment," gershoff writes.

but, gershoff also cautions that her findings do not imply that all children who experience corporal punishme out to be aggressive or delinquent. a variety of situational factors, such as the parent/child relationship, can m the effects of corporal punishment. furthermore, studying the true effects of corporal punishment requires dra boundary line between punishment and abuse. this is a difficult thing to do, especially when relying on paren reports of their discipline tactics and interpretations of normative punishment.

"the act of corporal punishment itself is different across parents - parents vary in how frequently they use it, h forcefully they administer it, how emotionally aroused they are when they do it, and whether they combine it other techniques. each of these qualities of corporal punishment can determine which child-mediated process activated, and, in turn, which outcomes may be realized," gershoff concludes.

the meta-analysis also demonstrates that the frequency and severity of the corporal punishment matters. the m often or more harshly a child was hit, the more likely they are to be aggressive or to have mental health probl

while the nature of the analyses prohibits causally linking corporal punishment with the child behaviors, gers summarizes a large body of literature on parenting that suggests why corporal punishment may actually cause negative outcomes for children. for one, corporal punishment on its own does not teach children right from w secondly, although it makes children afraid to disobey when parents are present, when parents are not present administer the punishment those same children will misbehave.

wikipedia

corporal punishment is forced pain intended to change a person's behaviour or to punish them. historically speaking, most punishments, whether in judicial, domestic, or educational settings, were corporal in basis.in india history consists of many instances of corporal punishment. in modern world, corporal punishment has been largely rejected in favor of other disciplinary methods. modern judiciaries often favor fines or incarceration, whilst modern school discipline generally avoids physical correction altogether. although corporal punishment is still used in many domestic settings, it has been banned in over seventeen countries.[1] corporal punishment in canada is restricted to children under the age of 13, and only by parents or guardians, and only such punishment that does not leave marks. there has been much dispute in recent years over where the line should be drawn between corporal punishment and torture, or whether a line should indeed be drawn at all.

[edit] history of corporal punishment

"the naughty children"; german caricature of 1849. while the early history of corporal punishment is unclear, the practice was certainly present in classical civilizations, being used in greece, rome, egypt and israel, for both judicial and educational discipline. practices varied greatly, though scourging and beating

with sticks were common. some states gained a reputation for using such punishments cruelly; sparta, in particular, used frequent part of a disciplinary regime designed to build willpower and physical strength. although the spartan example was unusually extreme, corporal punishment was possibly the most common type of punishment. in medieval europe, corporal punishment was encouraged by the attitudes of the medieval church towards the human body, with flagellation being a common means of selfdiscipline. in particular, this had a major influence on the use of corporal punishment in schools, as educational establishments were closely attached to the church during this period. nevertheless, corporal punishment was not used uncritically; as early as the eleventh century saint anselm, archbishop of canterbury was speaking out against what he saw as the cruel treatment of children.[2] from the sixteenth century onwards, new trends were seen in corporal punishment. judicial punishments were increasingly made into public spectacles, with the public beatings of criminals intended as a deterrent to other would-be miscreants. meanwhile, early writers on education, such as roger ascham, complained of the arbitrary manner in which children were punished.[3] probably the most influential writer on the subject was the english philosopher john locke, whose some thoughts concerning education explicitly criticized the central role of corporal punishment in education. locke's work was highly influential, and in part influenced polish legislators to ban corporal punishment from poland's schools in 1783.[4] during the eighteenth century the frequent use of corporal punishment was heavily criticized, both by philosophers and legal reformers. merely inflicting pain on miscreants was seen as inefficient, influencing the subject merely for a short period of time and effecting no permanent change in their behaviour. critics believed that the purpose of punishment should be reformation, not retribution. this is perhaps best expressed in jeremy bentham's idea of a panoptic prison, in which prisoners were controlled and surveyed at all times, perceived to be advantageous in that this system reduced the need of measures such as corporal punishment.[5] a consequence of this mode of thinking was a diminution of corporal punishment throughout the nineteenth century in europe and north america. in some countries this was encouraged by scandals involving individuals seriously hurt during acts of corporal punishment. for instance, in britain, popular opposition to punishment was encouraged by two significant cases, the death of private frederick john white, who died after a military flogging in 1847, and the death of reginald cancellor, who was killed by his schoolmaster in 1860.[6] events such as these mobilized public opinion, and in response, many countries introduced thorough regulation of the infliction of corporal punishment in state institutions. the use of corporal punishment declined through the twentieth century, though the practice has proved most persistent as a punishment for violation of prison rules, as a military field punishment, and in schools.

[edit] modern usage

in the modern world, corporal punishment remains a common way of disciplining children however its use has declined significantly since the 1950s. it has been outlawed[1] in many countries however some legal systems permit parents to use mild corporal punishment on their children. many parents in the modern world do not however or use it rarely. race and gender have a significant influence on corporal punishment in the western world. black children and male children are much more likely to be hit at home and school[7] and corporal punishment of boys tends to be more severe, more frequent and more aggressive than corporal punishment administered to girls [8]. ironically, while the research suggests that corporal punishment is potentially counterproductive for children, it is even more counterproductive for boys than girls [9] in terms of punishment in educational settings, approaches vary throughout the world. school corporal punishment is banned in most western nations and in industrialized nations outside the west. all of western europe, most of eastern europe, new zealand, japan and south africa have banned school corporal punishment, as have many other countries. corporal punishment is legal in some parts of canada. in australia, corporal punishment is banned in all state schools but continues in private schools in a couple of states[10]. in the united states, 23 states allow corporal punishment in schools. there is some disagreement about how much paddling occurs in us schools. some estimates place the number of paddlings at approximately 350,000 a year, while the national association of school psychologists [11] places the number at 1.5 million cases a year.[12] evidence suggests that in the united states, racial and sexual discrimination play a large role in school corporal punishment, with black students being much more likely to be hit than white students, and male students being much more likely to be hit than female students, for the same infractions.[13] corporal punishment of male students also tends to be more severe and more aggressive [14]. in some places, this sexual discrimination has the force of law. for instance, in queensland, australia, school corporal punishment of girls was banned in 1934 but corporal punishment of boys in private schools is still legal in 2007. [15] some societies retain widespread use of judicial corporal punishment, including malaysia and singapore. in singapore, male offenders are typically sentenced to caning in addition to a prison term. the singaporean practice of caning became much discussed in the u.s. in 1994 when american teenager michael p. fay was sentenced to such punishment for an offence of car vandalism. when used in the home as a form of domestic punishment for children, smacking (spanking in american english) is most common form of corporal punishment. although this form of punishment of children is either banned and/or declining in use in many countries.

[edit] the legality of punishment

legality of corporal punishment in europe corporal punishment prohibited in schools and the home corporal punishment prohibited in schools only corporal punishment not prohibited while the domestic corporal punishment of children is still accepted in some countries (mostly eastern), it is declining in many others; it is even illegal in a number of countries. the practice has been banned in austria, bulgaria, croatia, cyprus, denmark, finland, germany, greece, hungary, iceland, israel, italy, latvia, norway, romania, south africa, sweden, the netherlands, ukraine[1], uruguay and new zealand[16]. these developments are comparatively recent, with sweden, in 1979, being the first country to forbid corporal punishment by law.[17] in a number of other countries there is active debate about its continued usage. in the united kingdom its total abolition has been discussed[18]. the australian state of tasmania also is continuing to review the state's laws on the matter, and may seek to ban the use of corporal punishment by parents.[19] the matter is also under review in other australian states. united nations human rights standards prohibit all corporal punishment.[20] such debates, however, do not always lead to the banning of domestic corporal punishment and the supreme court of canada recently reaffirmed in foundation v. canada the right of a parent or guardian to use corporal punishment on children between the ages of two and twelve; this decision was contentious, being based upon s.43 of the criminal code of canada, a provision enacted in 1892.[21] similarly, despite some opposition to corporal punishment in the usa, spanking children is legal, with some states explicitly allowing it in their law and 23 us states allowing its use in public schools.[22]. a ban has been proposed in massachusetts and california, on all corporal punishment of children, including by parents, and a series of laws in minnesota severely restrict the use of corporal punishment of children. in most parts of eastern asia (including china, taiwan, japan, philippines, and korea it is legal to punish one's own child using physical means. in singapore and hong kong,

punishing one's own child with corporal punishment is either legal but discouraged, or illegal but without active enforcement of the relevant laws. culturally, people in the region generally believe a minimal amount of corporal punishment for their own children is appropriate and necessary, and thus such practice is tolerated by the society as a whole. in the philippines, corporal punishment is used on children at the home, as well as at school. the parents use belts, their hands, and caning to discipline their children. the people's republic of china and taiwan have made corporal punishment against children illegal in the school system, but it is still known to be practiced in some form in many areas (see corporal punishment in taiwan). the most common forms of punishment are mild chastisements, such as shaking by the arm or shoulder, or slapping the back of the head or ear; more serious punishments, such as striking with the cane, are less common. such incidents are increasingly leading to public outcry, and in recent years have lead to the dismissal of teaching staff. similarly, in south korea, corporal punishments occur for students if they forget their homework, violate school rules, or are tardy to school. there is resistance, particularly from conservatives, against making the corporal punishment of children by their parents or guardians illegal. in 2004, the united states declined to become a signatory of the united nations's "rights of the child" because of its sanctions on parental discipline, citing the tradition of parental authority in that country and of privacy in family decision-making. most countries have banned the use of corporal punishment in schools, beginning with poland in 1783. the practice is still used in schools in some parts of the united states (approximately 1/2 the states but varying by school districts within them), though it is banned in others. many schools, even within the 23 states, require written parent approval before any physical force is used upon a child. some nations retain judicial applications of corporal punishment to child offenders, for instance iran. [4];

[edit] criticism of corporal punishmentthe examples and perspective in this article or section may not represent a worldwide view of the subject.please improve this article or discuss the issue on the talk page.

academic studies have established that under some circumstances, corporal punishment of children can increase short-term compliance with parental commands, although comparisons in the same studies with alternative punishments such as one-minute timeouts did not establish that corporal punishment was more effective. [23] the american academy of pediatrics (aap), however, in an official policy statement [5] (reaffirmed in 2004) states that "corporal punishment is of limited effectiveness and has potentially deleterious side effects. the american academy of pediatrics recommends that parents be encouraged and assisted in the development of methods other than spanking for managing undesired behavior." in particular, the aap believes that any corporal

punishment methods other than open-hand spanking on the buttocks or extremities "are unacceptable" and "should never be used". the policy statement points out, summarizing several studies, that "the more children are spanked, the more anger they report as adults, the more likely they are to spank their own children, the more likely they are to approve of hitting a spouse, and the more marital conflict they experience as adults." [24] spanking has been associated with higher rates of physical aggression, more substance abuse, and increased risk of crime and violence when used with older children and adolescents.[25]" the american psychological association opposes the use of corporal punishment in schools, juvenile facilities, child care nurseries, and all other institutions, public or private, where children are cared for or educated (conger, 1975). they state that corporal punishment is violent, unnecessary, may lower self-esteem, is likely to train children to use physical violence, and is liable to instill hostility and rage without reducing the undesired behavior. [26] the canadian pediatrics society policy on corporal punishment states "the psychosocial paediatrics committee of the canadian paediatric society has carefully reviewed the available research in the controversial area of disciplinary spanking (7-15)... the research that is available supports the position that spanking and other forms of physical punishment are associated with negative child outcomes. the canadian paediatric society, therefore, recommends that physicians strongly discourage disciplinary spanking and all other forms of physical punishment" [27] england's royal college of paediatrics and child health and royal college of psychiatrists have called for a complete ban on all corporal punishment, stating "we believe it is both wrong and impracticable to seek to define acceptable forms of corporal punishment of children. such an exercise is unjust. hitting children is a lesson in bad behaviour."[28] and that "it is never appropriate to hit or beat children" [29] the australian psychological society holds that physical punishment of children should not be used as it has very limited capacity to deter unwanted behavior, does not teach alternative desirable behavior, often promotes further undesirable behaviors such as defiance and attachment to "delinquent" peer groups, encourages an acceptance of aggression and violence as acceptable responses to conflicts and problems[30] unesco states "during the commission on human rights, unesco launched a new report entitled "eliminating corporal punishment - the way forward to constructive child discipline". the united nations committee on the rights of the child has consistently recommended states parties to the convention on the rights of the child to prohibit corporal punishment and other forms of violence against children in institutions, in schools, and in the homes...to discipline or punish through physical harm is clearly a violation of the most basic of human rights. research on corporal punishment has found it to be counterproductive and relatively ineffective, as well as dangerous and harmful to physical, psychological and social well being. while many states have developed child protection laws and systems violence still continues to be inflicted upon children" [31] the united nations committee on the rights of the child recommends that states parties to

the convention on the rights of the child to prohibit corporal punishment in institutions, in schools, and in the home. [32] many opponents of corporal punishment argue that any form of violence is by definition abusive. psychological research indicates that corporal punishment causes the destruction of trust bonds between parents and children. children subjected to corporal punishment may grow resentful, shy, insecure, or violent. adults who report having been slapped or spanked by their parents in childhood have been found to experience elevated rates of anxiety disorder, alcohol abuse or dependence and externalizing problems as adults. [33] some researchers believe that corporal punishment actually works against its objective (normally obedience), since children will not voluntarily obey an adult they do not trust. a child who is physically punished may have to be punished more often than a child who is not. researcher elizabeth gershoff, ph. d., in a 2002 meta-analytic study that combined 60 years of research on corporal punishment, found that the only positive outcome of corporal punishment was immediate compliance; however, corporal punishment was associated with less long-term compliance.[34] corporal punishment was linked with nine other negative outcomes, including increased rates of aggression, delinquency, mental health problems, problems in relationships with their parents, and likelihood of being physically abused. opponents claim that much child abuse begins with spanking: a parent accustomed to using corporal punishment may find it all too easy, when frustrated, to step over the line into physical abuse. one study found that 40% of 111 mothers were worried that they could possibly hurt their children. [35] it is argued that frustrated parents turn to spanking when attempting to discipline their child, and then get carried away (given the arguable continuum between spanking and hitting). this "continuum" argument also raises the question of whether a spank can be "too hard" and how (if at all) this can be defined in practical terms. this in turn leads to the question whether parents who spank their children "too hard" are crossing the line and beginning to abuse them. before 1997, although there were many studies linking spanking with higher levels of misbehaviour in children, people could argue that it was the misbehaviour that caused the spanking. however, since that time several studies have examined changes in behaviour over time and propose a link between corporal punishment and increasing relative levels of misbehaviour compared to similar children who were not corporally punished. reasons for corporal punishment possibly causing increased misbehaviour in the long run may include: children imitating the corporally-punishing behaviour of their parents by hitting other people; acting out of resentment stemming from corporal punishment; reduced selfesteem; loss of opportunities to learn peaceful conflict resolution; punishing the parents for the acts of corporal punishment; and assertion of freedom and dignity by refusing to be controlled by corporal punishment. the problem with the use of corporal punishment is that, if punishments are to maintain their efficacy, the amount of force required may have to be increased over successive punishments. this was observed by the american academy of pediatrics, [6] which stated that: "the only way to maintain the initial effect of spanking is to systematically increase the intensity with which it is delivered, which can quickly escalate into abuse".

additionaly, the academy noted that: "parents who spank their children are more likely to use other unacceptable forms of corporal punishment."[36] another problem with corporal punishment, according to the skeptics, is that it polarizes the parent-child relationship, reducing the amount of spontaneous cooperation on the part of the child. the aap policy statement says "...reliance on spanking as a discipline approach makes other discipline strategies less effective to use". thus it has an addictionlike effect: the more one spanks, the more one feels a need to spank, possibly escalating until the situation is out of control.

[edit] corporal punishment, fetishism, and bdsmcorporal punishment is sometimes fetishized, and is the basis of a number of paraphilias, most notably erotic spanking. this phenomenon was first noted by the german psychologist richard von krafft-ebing, who suggested that sadism and masochism often developed out of the experience of children receiving corporal punishment at school.[37] whilst this has been a popular interpretation, it was disputed by sigmund freud, who suggested that a sexual interest in corporal punishment developed in early childhood and rarely related to actual experiences of punishment.[38]

[edit] ritual and punishmentthis section does not cite any references or sources.please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. (help, get involved!) unverifiable material may be challenged and removed. this article has been tagged since july 2007.

corporal punishment in formal settings, such as schools and prisons, is often highly ritualised, sometimes even staged in a highly theatrical manner. to a great extent the spectacle of punishment is intended to act as a deterrent to others and a theatrical approach is one result of this. one consequence of the ritualised nature of much punishment has been the development of a wide variety of equipment used. formal punishment often begins with the victim stripped of some or all of their clothing and secured to a piece of furniture, such as a trestle, frame, punishment horse or falaka. a variety of implements are then used to inflict blows on the victim. the terms used to describe these are not fixed, varying by country and by context. there are, however, a number of common types which are frequently encountered when reading about corporal punishment. these are:

the bastinado. the rod. a thin, flexible rod is often called a switch. the birch, a number of strong, flexible branches, bound together in their natural state. the bamboo canes. a durable rottan cane is often called a rattan. the paddle, a flat wooden board or leather pad with a handle.

the strap. a strap with a number of tails at one end is called a tawse in scotland and northern england. the whip. varieties include the russian knout and south african sjambok, in addition to the scourge and martinet. the cat o' nine tails was a popular implement used in naval discipline. the hairbrush and belt are traditionally used in the united states and great britain as an implement for domestic spanking. the wooden spoon, commonly used in australia the wired clothes hanger, a common and easily available substitute for a bamboo canes in hong kong.

in some instances the victim of punishment is required to prepare the implement which will be used upon them. for instance, sailors were employed in preparing the cat o' nine tails which would be used upon their own back, whilst children were sent to cut a switch or rod. in contrast, informal punishments, particularly in domestic settings, tend to lack this ritual nature and are often administered with whatever object comes to hand. it is common, for instance, for belts, wooden spoons, slippers or hairbrushes to be used in domestic punishment, whilst rulers and other classroom equipment have been used in schools. in parts of england, boys were formerly beaten under the old tradition of "beating the bounds" when a boy was paraded around the boundary of an area of a city or district and would often ask to be beaten on the buttocks. one famous "beating the bounds" happened around the boundary of st giles and the area where tottenham court road now stands in london. the actual stone that separated the boundary is now under the centerpoint office block. see "london" by peter ackroyd for more information on this subject.

[edit] administration of punishmentin formal punishment medical supervision is often considered necessary to assess whether the target of punishment is in a fit condition to be beaten and to oversee the punishment to prevent serious injury from occurring. the role of the medical officer was particularly important in the nineteenth century, a time in which severe punishment was common, but growing public criticism of the practice encouraged medical regulation. corporal punishment can be directed at a number of different anatomical targets, the choice depending on a number of factors. the humiliation and pain of a particular punishment have always been primary concerns, but convenience and custom are also factors. there is an additional concern in the modern world about the permanent harm that can result from punishment, though this was rarely a factor before the nineteenth century. the intention of corporal punishment is to discipline an individual with the infliction of a measure of pain, and permanent injury is considered counterproductive.

most commonly, corporal punishment is directed at the buttocks, with some languages having a specific word for their chastisement. for example, the french

call this fesse, the spanish nalgada. the english term spanking refers to punishment on the buttocks, though only with the open hand. this part of the body is often chosen because it is painful, but is arguably unlikely to cause long-term physical harm. in the united kingdom the term spanking is becoming more associated with sex play and the term smacking is used more often.

the back is commonly targeted in military and judicial punishments, particularly popular in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. however, damage to both spine and kidneys is possible and such punishment is rarely used in the modern world. although the face and particularly the cheeks may be struck in domestic punishment, formal punishments avoid the head because of the serious injuries that can result. in some countries, domestic and school punishments aimed at the head are considered assault. the hands are a common target in school discipline, though rarely targeted in other forms of corporal punishment. since serious injury can be caused by striking the hand, the implements used and the numbers of blows must be strictly controlled. in western asia corporal punishment was directed against the feet. although this was mostly used on criminals, a version was in use in schools in the region.

one common problem with corporal punishment is the difficulty with which an objective measure of pain can be determined and delivered. in the nineteenth century scientists such as alexander bain and francis galton suggested scientific solutions to this, such as the use of electricity.[39] these were, however, unpopular and perceived as cruel. the difficulty in inflicting a set measure of pain makes it difficult to distinguish punishment from abuse, and has contributed to calls for the abolition of the practice.

disciplining your childhow do you keep a 1-year-old from heading toward the vcr? what should you do when your preschooler throws a fit? how can you get a teenager to respect your authority? whatever the age of your child, it's important to be consistent when it comes to discipline. if you don't stick to the rules and consequences that you set up, your child isn't likely to either. here are some ideas about how to vary your approach to discipline to best fit your family.

ages 0 to 2

babies and toddlers are naturally curious. so it's wise to eliminate temptations and no-nos items such as vcrs, stereos, jewelry, and especially cleaning supplies and medications should be kept well out of reach. when your crawling baby or roving toddler heads toward an unacceptable or dangerous play object, calmly say "no" and either remove your child from the area or distract him or her with an appropriate activity. timeouts can be effective discipline for toddlers. a child who has been hitting, biting, or throwing food, for example, should be told why that behavior is unacceptable and taken to a designated timeout area a kitchen chair or bottom stair for a minute or two to calm down (longer timeouts are not effective for toddlers). it's important to not spank, hit, or slap a child of any age. babies and toddlers are especially unlikely to be able to make any connection between their behavior and physical punishment. they will only feel the pain of the hit. and don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. make sure your behavior is role-model material. you'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your child to pick up toys while your stuff is left strewn around.

ages 3 to 5as your child grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences, make sure you start communicating the rules of your family's home. explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a certain behavior. for instance, the first time your 3-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that's not allowed and what will happen if your child does it again (for instance, your child will have to help clean the wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). if the wall gets decorated again a few days later, issue a reminder that crayons are for paper only and then enforce the consequences. the earlier that parents establish this kind of "i set the rules and you're expected to listen or accept the consequences" standard, the better for everyone. although it's sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasional bad behavior or not follow through on some threatened punishment, this sets a bad precedent. consistency is the key to effective discipline, and it's important for parents to decide together what the rules are and then uphold them.

while you become clear on what behaviors will be punished, don't forget to reward good behaviors. don't underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have discipline is not just about punishment but also about recognizing good behavior. for example, saying "i'm proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a child for the opposite behavior not sharing. and be specific when doling out praise; don't just say, "good job!" if your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. decide how many times your child misbehave before some punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be displayed before it is rewarded. post the chart on the refrigerator and then track the good and bad behaviors every day. this will give your child (and you) a concrete look at how it's going. once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem. timeouts also can work well for kids at this age. establish a suitable timeout place that's free of distractions and will force your child to think about how he or she has behaved. remember, getting sent to your room may have meant something in the days before computers, tvs, and video games were stored there. don't forget to consider the length of time that will best suit your child. experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down (to teach self-regulation). it's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. for example, instead of saying "don't jump on the couch," try "please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor."

ages 6 to 8timeouts and consequences are also effective discipline strategies for this age group. again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. kids have to believe that you mean what you say. this is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say. be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment ("slam that door and you'll never watch tv again!") in anger, since not following through could weaken all your threats. if you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that. the credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day. huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. if you ground your son or daughter for a

month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away.

ages 9 to 12kids in this age group just as with all ages can be disciplined with natural consequences. as they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of discipline. for example, if your fifth grader's homework isn't done homework before bedtime, should you make him or her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? probably not you'll miss an opportunity to teach a key life lesson. if homework is incomplete, your child will go to school the next day without it and suffer the resulting bad grade. it's natural for parents to want to rescue kids from mistakes, but in the long run they do kids a favor by letting them fail sometimes. kids see what behaving improperly can mean, and will probably not make those mistakes again. however, if your child does not seem to be learning from natural consequences, you should set up your own consequences to help modify the behavior more effectively.

ages 13 and upby now you've laid the groundwork. your child knows what's expected and that you mean what you say about the consequences of bad behavior. don't let down your guard now discipline is just as important for teens as it is for younger children. just like the 4-year-old who needs you to set a bedtime and stick to it, your teen needs to know boundaries, too. set up rules regarding homework, visits by friends, curfews, and dating and discuss them beforehand with your teenager so there will be no misunderstandings. your teen will probably complain from time to time, but also will realize that you're in control. believe it or not, teens still want and need you to set limits and enforce order in their lives, even as you grant them greater freedom and responsibility. when your teen does break a rule, taking away privileges may seem the best plan of action. while it's fine to take away the car for a week, for example, be sure to also discuss why coming home an hour

past curfew is unacceptable and worrisome. remember to give a teenager some control over things. not only will this limit the number of power struggles you have, it will help your teen respect the decisions that you do need to make for him or her. you could allow a younger teen to make decisions concerning school clothes, hair styles, or even the condition of his or her room. as your teen gets older, that realm of control might be extended to include an occasional relaxed curfew. it's also important to focus on the positives. for example, have your teen earn a later curfew by demonstrating positive behavior instead of setting an earlier curfew as punishment for irresponsible behavior.

a word about spankingperhaps no form of discipline is more controversial than spanking. here are some reasons why the american academy of pediatrics (aap) discourages spanking:

spanking teaches kids that it's ok to hit when they're angry. spanking can physically harm children. rather than teaching kids how to change their behavior, spanking makes them fearful of their parents and merely teaches them to avoid getting caught. for kids seeking attention by acting out, spanking may inadvertently "reward" them negative attention is better than no attention at all.

ten things we know about corporal punishment1. poor children, minorities, children with disabilities and boys are hit more frequently in schools, sometimes at 2-5 times the rate of other children. 2. corporal punishment has been abolished in more than 100 nations of the world. 3. corporal punishment teaches children that violence is a way to solve problems. research shows that this message is taught to those who inflict pain, those who

receive it, and those who witness it. 4. corporal punishment of children is related to decreased internalization of moral rules, increased aggression, more antisocial behavior, increased criminality, decreased mental health outcomes, increased adult abusive behaviors, and increased risk of being victimized by abusive relationships in adulthood. 5. school violence has not increased since paddling use has declined. violent crime in schools has declined dramatically since 1994. the annual rate of serious violent crime in 2003 (6 per 1,000 students) was less than half of the rate in 1994. 6. academic achievement is a risk factor in the use of corporal punishment of children. 7. corporal punishment reinforces physical aggression as an acceptable and effective means of eliminating unwanted behavior in our society. 8. significantly more school shooting deaths were found in states allowing school corporal punishment than those who do not. 9. there is overwhelming evidence that harsh interventions are damaging to children, both emotionally and physically. the effects of such trauma may be compounded when a child has preexisting learning difficulties. when schools respond to these challenges using harsh methods, children can be further traumatized. 10. school corporal punishment is more widely used in states in the south and southwest and in rural districts rather than urban and suburban districts.