If You Don't Play You Can't Win

8/12/2019 If You Don't Play You Can't Win

1/37

If You Don't Play You Can't Win

Prologue

Never play poker with a demon. More to the point, never play strip poker with a demon.

And not because he'll cheat, either. That's a given. It's what you might be stripped of in

the course of the game that causes worry.

I can ust see all the people clutching their souls in terror.

!ela".

#our soul is perfectly safe for the moment.

I told you to never play strip poker with a demon, right$ %ell, that advice is slightly

faulty. #ou should never play strip anythingwith a demon. &ven if it's strip bingo and

you kick ass at strip bingo.

#ou will lose no matter what.

e'll cheat, remember.

#ou may have noticed that I refer to demons in the masculine form. That is because

most demons are males. %hich might e"plain why they enoy games that involve

stripping so much. It throws the whole theory of se"lessness right out the window.

(oing body shots with a demon might end badly.

Then again, doing body shots with an angel might end badly.

)lease note that demons are not *allen Angels.

They are the offspring of the *allen.

*allen Angels are a species unto themselves and are not to be toyed with. If you ever

meet up with one+run. *ast.

ody shots with a demon might end badly. ody shots with a *allen might kill you.

That's not to say you won't likethe dying. They're talented bastards.

#ou can tell them apart, though. The *allen have this holier-than-thou attitude. It's

because they really areholier than thou. (emons, however, are generally ust your

garden variety kind of arrogant. It's a fine distinction, but an important one. It is

important to know who you re dealing with. And how to play your cards, so to speak.

ad thing is, neither demons nor the *allen go around advertising their presence as such.

o you can't really tell them apart from people.

Many people go their entire lives positive that they have never met a demon and that the

forces of evil have not touched them.

They are wrong.

&vil is everywhere. As are demons.


2/37

/ike that woman who accidentally ammed her stiletto heel into your toes on the

sidewalk and put you into a foul mood for the rest of the day.

0r that lost-looking businessman who spilled a scalding hot cup of coffee onto your new

white shirt and made you late to your board meeting, as well as burning your chest.

It could be that sweet little girl who ran in front of your car in pursuit of her ball who,

remaining safe herself, watched with wide, innocent eyes as you swerve away from herand into a nearby tree.

0r it could even be a handsome young man in a bar with a drink in his hand and

captivating eyes.

)eople you've never seen before and likely never will again. 1nless you're very unlucky,

that is.

I happen to be very unlucky.

After reading thus far, you are probably waiting for me to tell you how you can avoid a

demonic encounter.

Thing is, you can't.

1nless, of course, you lead a puritanical life. Then demons will avoid you like the

proverbial plague. As will everybody else.

%ell. I have gotten 2uite sidetracked. My original point was 2uite a simple one.

(on't play games with demons.

It's not healthy.

Chapter 1

3And that's why the chicken had to have come first. It's only logical.3

3The chicken had to have hatched from an egg.3

3omething had to have laid that egg.3

3Maybe thatchicken was a live birth.3

34hickens don't give birth. ell, I don't think any birds do.3

3Maybe that first egg was laid by a cat.3

3Then I win.3

3ow do you figure$3

3I told you the egg came first.3


3/37

3No, you didn't. #ou said it was the chicken.3

3And you said it was a cat.3

3I did$3

3#eah.3

3%hatever. )our me another drink.3

I grinned and obliged. It was a *riday night and my roomie and I were each eight

martinis closer to aturday hangovers.

5eaira raised her drink in a toast to my drink-mi"ing abilities and managed to spill half

of it down the front of her shirt. %e both burst out laughing and couldn't seem to stop.

That was alright, though. %e needed the release.

3#ou're not wearing a bra,3 I told her once I'd regained some shred of sobriety.

3I know.3 he erked her thumb toward the ceiling fan. ure enough, there it was,

spinning la6y circles above our heads. %e laughed again and I got the hiccups. At thispoint, she was far more amused.

3itch.3

3#ou love me.3

3Truly$3

3Madly.3

3(eeply.3

3%hore.33#ou love me.3

3I do.3

3(oes that count$3

34ount as what$3

I scratched my head, confused. 3%hat are we talking about$3

3ow should I know$3

3Are we doing this again$33%hy not$3

3%hy should we$3

3%hat's your name$3

3/oki.3

3tatement. Two points73 5eaira umped up and cheered. And got smacked in the face


4/37

with her own bra. This was a fun game to play, but I could never tell when we were

playing and when we were not.

Now we were playing. )robably. 3%hy is your bra on the ceiling fan$3

3(on't you like it$3

3Am I supposed to$33Are you stupid or something$3

3)ersonal attack,3 I said triumphantly. 3even points.3 Naturally, there was no set points

system. %e gave ourselves however many points we thought we deserved.

I deserved seven points.

3%hat were we talking about$3

3ow should I know$3

3!epetition7 Twenty points73

3*ine. #ou win. I'm done playing.3

There was only a minimum of gloating on her part. he got distracted by a fly that

landed in her drink. As she was cussing and chasing the floundering bug around her

glass with a paper umbrella, the doorbell rang.

3I'll get it,3 I told her with a lopsided smile. I stumbled to the door and was proud 8 I'd

only bumped into two things on the way there. At the door was a young man of about

seventeen with our pi66a. e took my money, I took his pi66a, and he left. I kicked the

door shut and stumbled back into the living room.

5eaira was sprawled across the fat purple armchair and raised her head when I came in.

3o who was it$3

3)i66a delivery guy.3 I cleared some space on our coffee table by sweeping a bunch of

papers, books, and 9od knows what else onto the floor. 3Tell me, how come we didn't

have any good-looking pi66a boys when we were younger$3

3e was purdy$3

I nodded and handed her a slice of pi66a before biting into my own. 3I mean, he was

young, but purdy for his age. #ou could tell he'll grow up to be a heartthrob, you know$3

he licked pi66a sauce off her thumb and nodded. 3I get what you mean. %hat time is

it$3

3eats me. &levenish, maybe$3

3till early,3 she said around a yawn.

3%anna watch a movie$3

3Nah.3


5/37

%e were both silent for a few minutes and when I looked over at her I saw that she was

fast asleep.

ince waking her up was out of the 2uestion, I threw a blanket at her and stood up. The

room tilted dangerously and I braced myself to ride it out. 0nce it resolved itself to a

fairly steady rhythm, I felt confident enough in my walking abilities to risk the trip to

my bedroom.I made it.

/et's leave the how out of it.

I collapsed on my bed fully clothed and stayed there until morning. It might have been a

good idea to check that the doors and windows were closed, if not actually locked. :uite

honestly, it didn't even occur to me. The only thought that crossed my mind was one that

involved an Aspirin or three.

As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about anyway. Not a damn thing happened.

%hen I woke up it was to the sound of a roar that seemed to be coming from rightbeside me. It did not let up, either, but intensified until it nearly shook the bed.

It was my cat, purring at the foot of my bed.

I'd never known her to purr so loud.

I felt as though I'd taken a meat cleaver to the back of the skull. I tried to move, but

found that the attempt only put my head into further agony.

*uck.

To be completely honest, I'm not sure how I made it to the kitchen. ut I managed.The light was stabbing my eyes.

It was noon, but felt much earlier.

It promised to be a long day.

5eaira proved difficult to find. I didn't see her anywhere.

*ollowing the tuneless singing always pans out, however, and I tracked her to the

shower, where she was doing her best impression of *reddy Mercury. It hurt my soul.

(eeply.

And I told her so.

he shrieked. I smiled despite my headache.

Maybe the day wouldn't be so bad after all.

Chapter 2


6/37

The world had it in for me.

No, really. aturday's hangover lasted straight into unday and so my weekend was

ruined. 5eaira, bitch that she is, suffered no ill effects. None at all.

Then my cat ripped apart my favorite bra. (amned fetishist.

And now it was Monday. The horrors of this day are self-e"planatory. %orking for aginormous insurance company had its perks. I figure I'll find some eventually. As it was,

I was trying to stuff a dollar bill into a vending machine.

I'd already stubbed my toe on the one on my floor. Apparently it does not respond well

to violence because it started spouting smoke. I left the area at a trot.

Now this one was making a strange bu66ing noise and I kicked it ust in case.

No smoke. That was a good sign+.!ight$

I e"amined my dollar. The damn thing didn't even have a wrinkle7 It was a perfectly

clean, crisp dollar bill. And 9eorge %ashington was mocking me. e had to be. y now,even Mother Theresa would be mocking me.

And she's a saint.

I glared at the infernal contraption that promised unk food in vast 2uantities and kicked

it again. I heard a rip and looked down, already fearing what I would see. I had a run in

my tights going right up to my thigh.

I groaned and leaned my head against the warm plastic of the vending machine. My

watch read ;, which meant I'd been in the office for e"actly thirteen minutes, since I

had been late.

My boss would be by to chew me out before noon, and I needed my chocolate to survive

it. ut the world was not cooperating with me today.

I saw a man coming up to the vending machine.

All women instinctively recogni6e this kind of man. e was of the kind that makes

women wish they were back in the tone Age and that he would club them and drag

them off to a secluded corner of a cave, forest, meadow, or office building.

My aw did not drop, but it was a close thing.

(amn cave woman hormones.e didn't even look at me, but walked up to the vending machine and put the most

chewed-up dollar bill I had ever seen in my life up against the slot. I watched as the

machine ate it up without so much as a cough and he punched in his selection 8 with

very long, strong fingers, I noticed 8 and got a chocolate bar.

The last chocolate bar.

Mychocolate bar.


7/37

I knew crying was a childish thing to do. o as I slid down to the floor, I tipped my head

back against the cool cement wall to keep gravity from pulling the tears out of my eyes.

Taking a deep breath didn't help, but it drew the man's attention to me.

(amn it.

e was even purdier up close. 3%hy are you sitting on the floor$3 is voice was deepand beautifully cultured.

I was not in the mood to appreciate it.

3This is the day from ell.3

e looked slightly amused. 3Is it$3

3%ell,3 I clarified, 3I think this would actually be the week from ell. Three days' worth

of absolute horror, and I don't even get chocolate to make up for it.3

e licked the last trace of my chocolate off his thumb. 3orry.3

I made a face at him, feeling like I was back in grade school.

Then I wished I was back in grade school. %e had recess and snack time. I would do

anything for snack time.

The stranger reached a hand down to help me to my feet. I accepted it easily and nearly

fell back down again when one of my heels broke off. 3ee what I mean$3 I asked him,

pointing to the chunk of black plastic.

I took off my shoes and, holding them in one hand, started walking to the elevator.

uddenly, there was a hand at my elbow. 3/et me escort you to your floor. #ou seem to

be having rather terrible luck.3

3Thanks. My name is /okari.3 e took my hand and brushed his lips over it. It was an

outdated gesture, but it was a Monday, and I was more than willing to accept chivalry

from a total stranger.

3#our parents were odd. My name is Mikhail.3

I looked at him in shock. 3#ou think my parents were odd,3 I murmured. 3Most people

ust call me /oki.3

e shook his head. 3I will call you /okari.3

At my wonderful, gray, cramped little cubicle, he left me to my own devices.

My chair promptly sent a shard of plastic into my left calf.

My boss walked up in time to hear my curses. er finely penciled eyebrows shot up.

3That is not language that should be used in a business setting.3 *lipping her off would

have been a bad move on my part, so I ust nodded meekly. 3*urthermore, you know that

shoes are a re2uirement in this company.3 I nodded again, and pointed to the shoes and


8/37

broken heel on my desk. 3I see. #ou were late.3

3My car wouldn't start.3

3(on't let it happen again.3

3I won't.3

3#ou are free for the rest of the day. (o try to make an effort tomorrow.3

I nodded mutely, knowing that if I tried to speak, my lovely dragon of a boss would hear

ust what I thought of her. And very few of my thoughts were positive.

he walked away, snapping at a young secretary who promptly dropped all her papers. I

got up and walked over to help her. he smiled at me, and I felt slightly better.

3This isn't my day,3 she told me sadly.

I gave her a lopsided grin. 3?oin the club.3

Chapter 3

%hy is it that every time you trip and fall and sprain your ankle and let out a string of

curses that would turn a sailor's ears blue a good-looking man has to be there to witness

it and laugh$

No, really. It's an honest 2uestion. &specially when you consider the fact that it was the

same man who ate my chocolate.

And I was now flat on my ass and cussing very inventively. e didn't bat an eyelash.(amned gentleman. e was still laughing and I recovered myself enough to ask what

the hell he was doing on my street.

3#ou forgot your shoes at the office.3 e dangled the ruined pumps in front of my face

and I snatched them back, fuming.

3Thanks,3 I said grudgingly.

I had had the presence of mind to change into sweatpants and an ancient t-shirt before

going for a run. Apparently, today was a bad day all around. &ven for such a mundane

task as running.

e reached his hand down to help me up for the second time that twice-damned

Monday. I accepted it.

3ow'd you find me, anyway$3 I asked as I dusted myself off.

3#our boss-dragon gave me your address after I showed her your shoes.3

I stared at him in surprise. I was the only one that ever called her my boss-dragon. It was

childish and silly, but it was mine. 3I'm not at my house,3 I pointed out reasonably.


9/37

And it was true 8 we were about five blocks away.

e smirked. 3#our roommate pointed me in the direction you'd gone.3

3ow did you catch up to me$3

3I ran.3

astard.

e wasn't even breathing hard, while I was very sweaty and probably smelled like a

none-too-clean horse. I didn't like him. Not even a little bit.

39reat. I have my shoes. ye.3 I turned around and started walking back in the direction

of my house, this time taking the straightest route instead of the one with hills.

I was 2uite confident I'd left him behind.

In fact, I was absolutely positive.

1ntil I got to my door.

3Aren't you going to invite me in$3

I flipped.

Not literally, of course. That would not have been pretty. And might have re2uired a lot

more agility than I possess.

All I did was shriek.

/oudly.

Twice.

0nce when he spoke.

And once again when he took the key from my hand and opened the door himself.

I turned around and opened my mouth to tell him off, but was interrupted by my cat,

who inserted her claws into his face.

I would have laughed if I hadn't been worried. I'd had enough e"perience with Angel's

claws to know that they could easily leave scars.

3Angel7 (rop him, sweetie, he's not worth it.3

he turned her black face towards me and hissed. That hiss clearly said, 3hut up. Iknow better.3

Mikhail raised one hand and nonchalantly puller her off of him and dumped her in my

arms.

I didn't understand. is face should have been a mass of blood and gore.

It wasn't.


10/37

e had only one thin, shallow scratch down the left side of his face.

I tossed my cat onto the couch, where she immediately crouched, glaring at him.

34ome on. /et's get that taken care of.3

In retrospect, I should have slipped in and slammed the door in his face.

I should have called ;@@ and wept hysterically, never mind that I had no reason to do so.

I should have opened a can of tuna for Angel and given her catnip.

I should have shot my roommate.

ut I didn't.

ecause I am an idiot.

%hat I did do was go into the kitchen and make some tea. After tossing him a first aid

kit, of course.

%hen I brought the tea out, I was half e"pecting him to be playing at dying, and needinga nurse. It's what my best male friend, !ei, used to do when he fell off of trees,

buildings, and bicycles. My other male friends did the same thing.

I played nurse for all of them.

No wonder I maored in Accounting.

ut no. That ass was crouched ne"t to the back of the couch and staring solemnly into

my cat's eyes. e was talking to her.

I didn't drop the teacups, but it was a close thing.

3Angel$3 he hissed at him, swiped at his face, and walked to me. mart cat.

I put the tea on the coffee table and gestured him to a seat.

%e sat down and my cat curled up in my lap. And continued to glare at my unwelcome

visitor.

It should have occurred to me that 5eaira was at work and not likely to have given my

running direction to a total stranger.

ut it didn't.

Mikhail pulled out a deck of cards and said, 3%ant to play poker$3I shrugged. %hy not. 3ure.3

3trip poker,3 he clarified.

I looked him up and down carefully. #eah, seeing him naked might ust make my day a

whole lot better.

3/et's play.3


11/37

e dealt.

3o why do you call that little monster Angel$3

I petted her absently. 3ecause when I bought her, she had ust tried to gouge someone's

eyes out. I have a very developed sense of irony,3 I added.

3I see.3After removing my earrings, a bracelet, and one shoe, I started swearing. e had yet to

remove anything at all.

3/et's play strip bingo instead,3 I suggested. e agreed and I gloated. ingo was fun.

39reat. 0ne number gets rid of one piece of clothing and IN90 gets the loser to take

everything off.3 I came up with that on the spot. And I was very happy he agreed.

e let me spin the little arrow thing.

y the time we got to @, I was down to bra and panties and he was missing a tie. I

smacked the piece of cardboard against the edge of the table a few times. ut it was@.

3ingo,3 he said very softly.

I don't know whether I changed e"pression, but I could feel the blood drain from my

face. I looked at his card. e was right. e had won.

%ait.

e won$

No no no. e was not allowedto win. I was supposed to win.

e laughed, so I guess my e"pression showed my shock sufficiently.

I stripped and, following the years-old tradition, looped one strap of my bra onto a blade

of the ceiling fan.

I considered hating his guts, but sighed and decided against it. e had won fair and

s2uare. There was no way he could have cheated, after all. I was in charge of the spinner.

I smacked it against the table once more for good measure.

ut I was already naked.

%hy, oh why did the air conditioner choose that moment to turn on$

Chapter 4

I don't remember how I got him out of the house.

ut I did. And I leaned against the door in relief.


12/37

Nothing had happened. e had ust laughed his ass off as I tried to cover myself with

anything and everything at hand.

My cat was looking at me and I went to sit on the couch with her again.

he was a backasswards cat. /ots of cats are black with white feet. Angel was white

with black feet, a black face, and the tip of her tail was black, too.

3%ell. That was fun, wasn't it, my dear$3 he glared at me with her wonderfully

e"pressive green eyes. I was ealous of her eyes. Mine were a boring, common ha6el

mi"ture. My hair was also boring, medium brown. Nothing special about either of them.

Not like 5eaira. he was gray-eyed, auburn-haired, fair-skinned and cheeky.

I ran a hand down Angel's back and she nu66led my throat. I sighed. I'd had her since the

day I turned eighteen. he knew me better than anyone, which was ust fine with me,

since she wouldn't be telling.

I gave in to the urge to give her a can of tuna and did so, still buck naked, right before I

went to take a shower.

The hot water felt good against my skin.

I let the heat of the water wash away the heat of my embarrassment and all traces of

thought.

Thought returned, however, when I heard 5eaira cheering.

I 2uickly shut the water off, wrapped myself in an old robe, and walked out to see what

was going on.

3#ou're home early,3 I told her placidly.3#eah, I begged off so I could bake a cake for dinner,3 she said distractedly while

looking under the couch. 3%ell$ %here is he$7$3

I frowned at her in confusion. 3%here is who$3

3#our man, you silly girl.3

3I don't have a man,3 I told her flatly.

30h, alright. I suppose you've started wearing ties, then$3 she held up the offending

obect as evidence. 3And I must say, you have great taste in ties. Armani, you know,3 she

added sarcastically.

I flipped her off and made a silent grab for the striped piece of silk.

As always, I missed. As I nursed my bruised ego, I let her lead me to the couch.

3e's a coworker,3 I told her grudgingly. 3e ate my chocolate. And returned my shoes.

%hy'd you tell him where I'd gone$3

5eaira plunked down ne"t to me and laid a hand on my forehead. I brushed it off and


13/37

glared at her. 3weetie, I ust got home. I didn't tell him anything. I don't even know who

heis.3 I blinked slowly and Angel hopped up on my lap and nu66led my throat. 3/oki$

#ou don't look well.3

3#ou're right,3 I whispered. 3#ou couldn't have told him anything. ut then+how did he

know$3

My soft-hearted roomie rubbed my back and tried to inect some humor into thesituation. 3Maybe he's a stalker,3 she suggested lightly. I didn't reply. 3Alright. I've

decided we're baking a chocolatecake. #ou look as though you need it.3

he was right, though my mind still felt slightly muddled. he poked me with one long,

bright-green nail. 34ome on. I'll let you lick the bowl.3

I beat her into the kitchen.

I was a sucker for home cooking.

And an absolute disaster when it came to the actual cooking.

ut I was ust fine with cleaning and planning, which meant that 5eaira and I were

perfectly matched. he stayed out of the bills and I stayed out of the kitchen.

1ntil she promised me batter, that is.

3o is he good-looking$3 I nodded distractedly as I watched her work the mi"er. 3How

good-looking$3 she prompted.

I gave her a half-grin and pretended to swoon. er eyebrows went up.

3That good, huh$3

3#eah. ut he's not my man.3

he dropped an egg. 3%hy not$ oney, you needa man. &specially a gorgeous one.

&very girl needs one of those.3

3e beat me at strip bingo,3 I told her sullenly.

he laughed and I gave her a death-glare. he laughed harder and I sighed.

I wasn't much for intimidation.

3o what's this hunk's name$3

3Mikhail. And he isn't a hunk. e's an ass.33(oes he have a nice one, at least$3

I resisted my urge to giggle. 3#ep.3

The giggle snuck out anyway.

5eaira laughed and handed me the entire bowlful of batter.

I attempted to give her a worshipful look. Apparently, it worked, because she ust


14/37

laughed.

3%ell well. My little /oki's growing up.3

There was chocolate on the tip of my nose and I attempted to lick it off.

I failed.

3*uck you,3 I told her without malice.

he bolted into the living room, where she collapsed on the couch with her legs spread

and fanned her face with a nearby maga6ine. 30h, baby, don't make promises like that.3

I laughed and lobbed a fluffy pillow at her. 30ops. I'd forgotten how partial you were to

se".3

5eaira turned amused eyes to me. 3Is that your way of calling me a whore$ ecause that

was wonderfully inventive.3

lowing her a raspberry was very childish.

I was sure to tell myself that while I was doing it.

It was nice, being able to forget about my lost piece of chocolate. The bowl of chocolate

in my lap made it possible.

3#ou know what, I love you,3 I told 5eaira as I licked cake batter off my thumb.

3#ou only say that when you are drunk or on chocolate,3 she grumbled. 3ut I love you

too, you overgrown baby.3

I wrinkled my nose at her.

It was barely noon and I was already feeling lethargic.4ake batter does that to me.

3%anna go shopping$3 5eaira asked suddenly. I stared at her blankly. 3#ou know, mall

hopping$ #ou need a new bathrobe, at least.3

I looked at the tattered sleeve of my ancient robe. The other sleeve had been missing for

years. I narrowed my eyes at her. 3%hat's wrong with my robe$3

3%here do I start$3

9lancing at the clock, I groaned. 3Alright. #ou win. %e're going shopping. ut you're

getting me a smoothie.3

3*ine. #ou spring for pret6els.3

3(one.3

Chapter Five

Ah, the mall.


15/37

A baillion people all crammed into one space.

All the women are looking for bargains and trends.

All the men are looking for the e"it.

0r an easy lay.

%e were looking for a fun way to spend a day. And, since we both loved people-watching, the mall was an e"cellent place to be. 5eaira bought me a new robe.

I bought her a new teddy.

%e were ust close like that.

As agreed, I got us a pair of those divine giant soft pret6els Bthe cinnamon kindC and she

got us strawberry smoothies.

9ood smoothies. 9reat way to spend the day, really.

I looked around us and smiled. 3Ama6ing how many people called in sick today, huh$3

he shrugged carelessly. 3It's a Monday. %hat did you e"pect$3

3)eople normally work on Mondays.3

3I guess today's a special Monday.3

I cocked my head to better hear the music piping thought the tinny speakers and grinned.

3I don't like Mondays,3 I told her flatly.

Then I started to hum along with the music.

3#ou've a good ear for music.3

I screamed.

3talker7 4reepy, freaky, psychostalker773

As e"pected, Mikhail was standing ust behind me looking highly amused and not at all

shocked by my outburst. 3It's nice to see you, too,3 he said placidly.

5eaira started laughing, which drew more attention to us. I was beyond caring.

34an't I get a moment's peace from your abhorrent company$7$ #ou've managed to ruin

an already fucked-up Monday. *irst you eat my chocolate, then you beat me at 8 m'flrgrt

gfflme773My tirade had been halted by his hand over my mouth. And he'd placed it so skillfully

that I couldn't bite his palm. I couldn't even lick it. o I settled for screaming in

frustration.

is hand muffled it, but evidently not to his satisfaction, because he picked me up and,

waving to my roommate, started walking out of the mall.

In case the most important part was missed, the son of a bitchpicked me up. As in off


16/37

the groundkind of picked me up.

I wanted to shoot him.

I wanted to boil his eyeballs and testicles in bleach.

I wanted to hang him a do6en times over and line the noose with ra6or blades.

I wanted to+.No, I didn't.

After all, I was merely embarrassed+he would be dead.

9oddamn it.

I couldn't even be angry properly.

%hich pissed me off even more.

ow the fuck did he carry me so easily$ I was never e"actly a ballerina.

ut carry me he did, politely ignoring my kicking, cursing, and attempted punching.

Apparently he was very used to carrying violent women, since I didn't manage to doeven a little bit of damage.

e could have given me the satisfaction of one landed punch, I though bitterly as he

placed me carefully in the passenger seat of a )orsche. e kept me still and buckled me

up with one hand, the other still over my mouth. I glared at him until he removed it.

3astard,3 I spat.

3%ell. That's not very nice,3 he told me calmly as he climbed into the driver's seat.

Nice$Nice!?!?!e e"pected me to be niceto him$ After that nasty little stunt he pulled

in the mall$ Not fucking likely.

e seemed to read my mind, because as he peeled out of the parking lot, he turned to me

and said, 3I saved you 2uite a bit of embarrassment back there. #ou should be thanking

me, not cursing me.3

3aved$ #ousavedme embarrassment$ ow do you figure$3

3Those security guards were looking at you rather funny. &specially since no one but

you appeared upset.3

3I had every right to be upset.3 And I crossed my arms to make my point clearer.

3No you didn't. All I did was say you had a good ear for music. That is no insult.3

e was right, I had to admit+if only to myself. 3#ou beat me at trip ingo,3 I accused.

3#ou're the one who wanted to play.3

3#ou didn't have to agree.3

3#ou didn't have a poker face.3 e turned an appraising eye on me. 3till don't, as a

matter of fact.


17/37

3#ou ate my chocolate73

There. It was out. I admitted why I hated him.

It was a petty reason, but a damn good one from where I was sitting.

3I didn't see your name written on it.3

I didn't answer.

4ouldn't answer.

I settled for glowering out the window, my arms still crossed in a rather childish manner.

I knew he saw me as a petulant brat at the moment, but at that same moment, I didn't

give a shit.

After a few minutes of forced silence, I began to enoy the ride. I mean, it was my very

first time in a )orsche. ow could I be e"pected to notenoy it even a teensy weensy

bit$

onestly, I don't know what the hype is all about+.#es, I understand that it's a

wonderful piece of machinery that costs more than I make in a year and works

beautifully and looks pretty.

ut it's ust a car.

I was perfectly happy with my cute little (odge, thanks.

e wasn't a very good driver.

I reali6ed this after I had to dig my nails into the seat to keep from flying into him or out

the window.

After doing that twice, I ust kept my nails in the seat as a precaution.

The man had a death wish.

e went more than double the speed limit and took turns without slowing down even a

little.

%e should have been pulled over.

e should have been arrested.

y the time he got me home, I was more than willing to slap the cuffs on him myself.

Then again, that hadn't changed from my mood beforethe ride.

3Thanks for the ride,3 I said as my feet hit solid ground and I wobbled a bit before

recovering my land legs.

3No problem. I'll see you tomorrow.3

I flipped off his taillights.


18/37

Chapter Six

3I don't like Mondays,3 I sighed as I stared Bor glared, ratherC at the broken nail on the

middle finger of my right hand. (amn it all, I neededthat finger and the long purple nailon the end of it.

I glanced at the clock. Another ten minutes left.

I congratulated myself on another day of work survived without inury to myself or

others and reached for the chocolate bar sitting on the corner of my desk.

After last Monday's adventures, Mikhail had been leaving a chocolate bar on my desk

every blessed morning.

I bit into the chocolate and closed my eyes in ecstasy.

The man was a saint.

!eally and truly a saint.

4ouldn't be much else, really.

3!eady to go$3

I nodded, swallowed the last of the chocolate and accepted Mikhail's hand. e pulled me

out of my chair, I grabbed my purse, and we were out.

e opened the passenger door of his car for me and helped me into the seat.

/ike I said 8 saint.%e were several miles from our building when I thought to ask, 3%here are we going$3

e pushed down on the gas pedal and I buried my nails into the seat on refle".

3omewhere fun,3 he told me.

3%hy are we going somewhere fun$ %hy are we going anywhere at all$3

3ecause I felt like taking you out and am now doing so.3

3#ou never asked me out. I never agreed to letyou take me out. I haven't even spoken to

you since last week. ave you been drugging my chocolate$3e laughed at the accusatory note in my voice. 3No. No drugs from me. I ust thought

that, since you hate Mondays, I could brighten your day by taking you somewhere fun.

%ouldn't you like to have some fun$3

I looked at him sideways. 3ow did you intend that to be interpreted$3

e put his hands up and I checked to see that I was buckled up. 3I have none but

innocent intentions, I assure you. o tell me+fun or no fun$3


19/37

3*un,3 I said decisively. Though I was a tad skeptical about that 3innocent intentions3

bit.

5eaira would applaud my risk-taking abilities.

I suspected that I would regret them.

ut I'd already voted for fun, and was not about to take it back.%ithout turning to look at me, Mikhail handed me a blindfold. 3I e"pect you to do the

honorable thing and not peek.3

3Are you drunk$3 There was no malice in the 2uestion, I swear. I was ust curious.

e gave me a patroni6ing look. 3#ou said you wanted to have fun. It won't be much fun

if you aren't surprised.3

3I hate surprises.3

ut I tied the blindfold on anyway. Tight enough that I couldn't see anything. I grumbled

the entire time.

is laughter assured me that he was apprised of my annoyance. I tried to keep track of

the turns he made, but after about five that threw me rather violently into him or the

window, I decided that keeping track wasn't really important. *inally, his car lurched to a

stop and I deemed it safe to remove my nails from the seat and stop bracing my feet

against the floor and door.

I also opened my eyes, which had been s2uee6ed tightly shut. All I saw was black. As

much as it makes me feel like an idiot to admit it+I suffered a moment of panic and

thought I'd gone blind. Then, thankfully, I recalled the blindfold.

I do so hate my blond moments.

I turned to glare at my aggravating companion only to find the damned blindfold in my

way again.

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest.

3tay there.3 The door opened and closed behind him and I stayed put.

Naturally, I was e"pecting him to come around and open my door and, like a gentleman,

let me out.

I was wrong.

Instead of that, I heard the locks click into place.

That bastard.

I tried the door anyway and found it to be locked. :uite securely.

o, since there was nothing better to do until he came back, I set myself to planning my

ne"t shopping trip. It was all going well until I got to the part where I was running


20/37

Mikhail over with my shopping cart. At that point, I decided to switch to a different train

of thought.

%hen my awaii vacation daydream came to the bit where I was pushing Mikhail out of

an airplane, I decided that all my trains were going to the same place anyway.

o, to while away some more time, I decided to count the moments until his return.

:uite literally.

I got to seven hundred and eighty-three before I heard the telltale click of the locks

popping up.

%hat$ #ou thought I was kidding$

Not so much.

I opened my eyes at the unlocking of the car, only to discover Byes, againC that I was still

wearing the blindfold. It made me feel like an idiot.

e opened the door and I could feel him leaning over me to unbuckle my seat belt.3Thanks for keeping your end of the bargain,3 he whispered in my ear ust before he

reached behind my head to untie the blindfold.

I glared at him briefly. It had to be brief. e was way too close to my face. %hy hadn't I

ever noticed that he had blue eyes$ #es, I realizethat blue is a common color. Not his

blue.

Anyway, it was only a brief look, like I said.

After that brieflook, I dragged my eyes away and looked past his shoulder to see the

treacherous humps that heralded the scent of puke and candy apples.3A carnival$3 I asked flatly.

3Nope. An amusement park73

3My, what an enormous difference.3

e looked dead serious when he said, 3There are no creepy carnies at amusement

parks.3

e wasn't kidding, either.

At least, he didn't look like he was kidding.

I pitied the poor carnies he didn't like.

I unfolded my body from the low-slung car and Mikhail immediately e"tended a hand to

help me to my feet.

I accepted it.

I shouldn't have, though.


21/37

3Alright. Now that we've established whereyou've brought me, all I need to know now

is whyyou brought me here.3

3cience says that amusement parks make great first dates.3

3Amusement parks$ %hy did science pick amusement parks$3 I didn't even notice the

3first date3 part of his sentence. %ell, I did, but I didn't pay any attention.

ut I should have.

3cience says that people are more attractive when you're scared.3

0h, lovely.

If he got any better-looking, I'd need bi-hourly cold showers.

3o are you coming$3

e looked like a kid holding his hand out to me+how could I say no$

#es, I know I should have.

ut I often do the opposite of what I should.

It's a bad habit.

Chapter Seven

4hocolate. Is. 9od.

That is all.lasphemous, aren't I$

Too damn bad.

Anyway, Mondays still sucked, but at least that one happened to fall on my birthday. 0r,

rather, my birthday fell on that Monday+.%hatever. It's the same thing either way.

5eaira was throwing me a surprise birthday party tonight.

he told me about it over breakfast.

That's the thing about 5eaira+she can't keep a secret.

There was going to be cake. 4hocolate cake.

And now, ust when I came back from lunch, there was a rather large, heart-shaped bo"

of chocolates on my desk.

I didn't need to wonder at the giver.

Though I did wonder at the fact that the bo" took up most of my desk and was neon pink

with orange hearts in color.


22/37

#es, the monster really wasfull of chocolates. Three deep.

Ten minutes to go before I was free to run out of the office screaming obscenities.

%ell, maybe notscreaming, but stage whispering perhaps. And not running+I'd break a

leg.

ut there was only ten minutes left. I cast a sidelong glance at the bo" that was sitting sotemptingly only a few inches away from me.

After casting a suspicious glance around me, I lifted the lid and snuck two of the

chocolates out.

They were both dark chocolate, which made rather good odds that the rest were dark

chocolate as well.

I popped one in my mouth whole, not bothering with looking like a lady, let alone acting

like one.

The single piece of chocolate barely fit in my mouth.The man was a saint. There was no longer any 2uestion of it in my mind.

e'd even behaved himself at the amusement park, even went so far as to buy me cotton

candy, which endeared me to him for all time.

%hat was not endearing was that he had the best sense of timing of any man I had ever

met.

&ver.

My cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk's from the second chocolate I'd stuffed in

my mouth, and I was chewing with a vigor that only comes when I have chocolate in mymouth.

Thatwas the moment he chose to walk into my cubicle.

3appy birthday,3 Mikhail said with a warm smirk. I am not 2uite sure how he managed

the warmth and the smirk all at once, but he did. It gave me the warm and fu66ies. o I

scowled at him. 3%hat$ %rong kind of chocolate$3

I held up one finger in a bid for patience and chewed even faster. wallowing the

masticated chocolate, I licked my lips. 3)erfect kind of chocolate,3 I corrected with a

grin. 3#ou even knew that I like nougat. o I have to ask+are you psycho$33#ou mean psychic$3

I thought about it for a moment. 3oth.3

e laughed and I smiled. %hat$ It was a nice laugh. All warm and deep and rich and+

chocolatey, if that makes any sense at all.

3As it happens, I am neither. I merely paid attention to the chocolates you spent e"tra

time savoring last week.3 e was right+he had presented me with a bo" of chocolates


23/37

right after the amusement park. mart man.

3And how did you know which ones I savored$3 I asked curiously.

3#ou roll your eyes in ecstasy and give off this low hum.3

3/ow hum$3

3More of a purr.3

I glared at him when his ga6e moved south. 34areful, man. This kitten has claws.3

3Meow.3

I nodded in satisfaction. 3&"actly.3 I licked a bit of chocolate off my lower lip and then

spoke again. 3o I'm guessing you're here to be my distraction before the surprise

birthday party, yes$3

e looked taken aback and I allowed myself to gloat. 3Actually, I am. o I thought I'd

take you to dinner and make certain you didn't have dessert.3

3#ou sonofabitch7 (essert is the best part of dinner773

3#es, but since you already know about the party, you also know that 5eaira is spending

the entire day baking a giant cake for you. I would hate to spoil your appetite.3

I gave him a look that I hoped was as patroni6ing as I intended it to be. 3My appetite is

unspoilable.3

3That's not a word.3

3crew you. It is now.3

3#ou can't ust invent new words when it suits you.33&"cept that I ust did.3

e and I held glares for a brief moment before we both busted out laughing.

3Alright. 1nspoilable is now a word. /et's go get some grub.3

3I can't.3 I pointed to a Tweety-shaped clock on my desk. 3I still have two minutes and

thirty-five seconds left.3

3(id you set the alarm on that thing$3

I looked at him blankly. 30f course I did. It gives me a reason to love my alarm clock. Itsignals freedom.3

3%hat tells you to get up in the morning$3

35eaira. And she generally gets things thrown at her for her trouble.3

e laughed again. 3I take it you're not a morning person.3

3I'm not an awake person.3 I considered my own words. 3%ell, I am an awake person. I

am ust not a getting up person. I like to stay in bed and enoy the warmth of the blankets


24/37

and know I have ten more minutes. Then 5eaira whips the blankets off and gets a pillow

or teddy bear thrown at her.3

3#ou sleep with a teddy bear$3

I lifted my chin into the air haughtily. 3I sleep with three teddy bears and a toy

salamander named ?ohn 4richton.3

3#ou have a toy salamander$3 he asked incredulously.

3(oesn't everybody$3

3I don't.3

3#ou should. They're cute.3

e didn't answer that one. I don't think he was capable of speech. 34ome on. #our two

minutes and thirty-five seconds are up.3

I accepted his hand as I always seem to do.

3They're still cute,3 I told him mutinously.

Chapter Eight

3urprise773

Not so much, but I let it slide this time.

The entire house was covered in streamers and, as I walked in, an ingenious contraption

consisting of a bucket and ropes sent a cloud of confetti falling onto my head.

I managed a shocked e"pression, especially when Mikhail pinched my side rather

forcefully. It was uncalled-for, but I appreciated the sentiment. 5eaira would have been

devastated had I not at least appeared surprised, and I am about as good at acting as I am

at gymnastics. Namely 8 not at all.

3appy birthday, /oki73

And then I was mobbed by, 5eaira, (arius, )hoeny", and !ei. (on't ask. 4ollege

buddies, all of them. &ven !ei. e was always the serious, studious one who bullied us

into studying when the frat parties called.And )hoeny"+well, Ny" is a law unto herself.

#es, Ny"'s a girl. If your parents named you )hoeny", you would go by Ny", too. I

know I sure as hell would.

It was after about the eighteenth hug and twenty-third kiss that I noticed that Mikhail

was the only one not collecting on the free affection being given out. And he was the

only male I had any romantic interest in on the premises.


25/37

1h oh+

That could only mean trouble.

%ith these girls Band potentially !ei if he was feeling flamboyant tonightC and the

bottles of boo6e I spotted all over the coffee table and stacked in a corner of the room,

the poor man was in deep shit.

e managed a brave smile, though, as he put down the giant bo" of chocolates onto a

free space on the couch. The big table in the dining room was invisible behind several

stacks of polychromatic bo"es, bags, and a giant bow or si", though a small bit of dark

brown was visible above the gifts. *rom the smell, I gathered that it was 5eaira's

chocolate cake.

)hoeny" grinned at me. 3o, it's your choice. oo6e or food first$3

he was a few inches shorter than me, with the most beautiful blue eyes in the world.

:uite captivating, as was her smile. er figure was that of a model. And, unlike most

women, she hated it with a burning passion. %e all believed her to be on crack. er hairwas a few shades lighter than 5eaira's, 2ualifying for classically brunette, which she

always caught hell for from me.

3%ell,3 I drawled, 3considering I ust ate+.)our me a drink or si"teen73

3That's my girl73 Ny" tossed her model worthy brunette tresses and went over to the

counter top, which was serving as a makeshift bar. he immediately set to mi"ing

rattlers for all of us.

They would ust be the first course, I knew, but they were a good way to start.

(arius was the sort of pretty man you would e"pect to be an angel. e ust looked thatway. A sweet, unassuming, perfectly innocent smile, wide eyes the color of good indigo.

/ight freckles in wide band from one cheekbone to the other, not missing the bridge of

his straight nose.

e was not an angel. If there is any comparison to be made, he was a human version of

my cat. eing pretty worked well for him.

!ei brought drinks around on a tray with all the ease and confidence of a waiter. %hich

he was. That and a bartender. (epending on what Murphy's /aw needed him for.

I snagged mine and took a swig. It was e"cellent as always. 0nce everybody had a drinkin their hand, 5eaira stood up and raised her glass to signal a toast.

3Tonight, I drink to party girls and boys, to chocolate cakes, to nights spent discussing

the scumminess of men and the slutiness of women, to the minds that we sullied, to the

minds that sullied ours, to late nights, to early mornings, to the si"teen bo"es of nicotine

gum we once chewed in one week, to past escapades, to nights spent in ail, to nights

spent on park benches, to e"ams aced with the aid of a bottle of ?im and a scrip for

Adderall split between us misfits, to splits in fate, to splits in pants, and, last, but


26/37

certainly not least, to the woman among us who discovered the soul-healing properties

of chocolate and made addicts of us all.3

The drinks were downed in one synchroni6ed gulp and I smiled at 5eaira.

/eap frogs were mi"ed and I knew that I would not be at work tomorrow. Too much

variety in li2uor.

This time, )hoeny" and !ei stood up together. 3To tradition,3 they chorused, as they

looped Ny"'s bra straps onto the blades of the ceiling fan and the strap of !ei's wife

beater. (rinks were downed and 5eaira and I followed suit, as did (arius with his shirt

and tie, though he did it with the flair of a drama 2ueen.

)ulling bras through sleeves was one thing with friends Beven the male onesC, 2uite

another in the presence of a very obviously straight, handsome male.

3%ell, /oki, now that I've ensured a hangover, what do you want ne"t$3

3end me over73

Mikhail snorted at my e"clamation. 3%ould if I could, babe. I would if I could.3

Ny"'s light laugh came again. 3I approve, /oki. #ou've got good taste in men. And

you've always had good taste in drinks. 9ood move. And, if you're lucky, you'll be

mi"ing the two tonight73

3If you don't mi" the drinks, then there is no chance in hell that he's getting that lucky,3 I

oked.

3I didn't say anything about himgetting lucky,3 she countered easily.

ut she went to get the drinks, for which I was very grateful.Mikhail kept his eyes on me while the drinks were being mi"ed, as though he were

seriously considering Ny"'s words.

I crossed my eyes at him.

e stuck his tongue out and we were cool.

Ny" handed us our drinks with a flourish.

Mikhail stood up, his long legs unfolding slowly, so that each female Band a drunken

!ei'sC eye was on him. Ny" looked at me and gave me a roguish wink before turning her

attention to him.

3I drink to /okari. And only to /okari. he brings a shining, witty, and sometimes

uvenile light to my life, and hopefully to all of yours.3

That got him applause.

I flipped him off.

5eaira saw the warning signs and asked a shade too brightly, 3%ho wants cake$3


27/37

omething closely resembling a stampede resulted.

Chapter ine

No Monday could ever go by without something bad happening.

I decided this the third week after my birthday, when I twisted my ankle so bad I had to

go to the hospital.

And no Monday could ever go by without Mikhail bringing a smile to my face.

I decided this after he picked me up from the hospital and took me to an actual carnival,

hiding his dislike of carnies admirably as he plied me with candy apples.

Apparently, he had decided that Mondays were for us. And us alone. e always picked

me up to take me to work. And he always took me home again after we were done with

whatever he had planned.

Though he never tried the blindfold trick again. That would have gotten stubborn

resistance from me.

o I was not particularly surprised when my computer 6apped me and Mikhail was there

to hear me curse. e generally was.

Though I had had no clue prior to this that a plastic keyboard could conduct electricity.

Apparently, it not only could, but did.

Dery actively.

I was sucking on my inured fingers and glaring at Mikhail, who could not seem to stop

laughing, when he sobered up and said, 3/et's go to the beach.3

3The beach$3

3#eah. /et's go.3

I e"amined his face for any trace of humor. It was totally absent. 3%hat for$3

e shrugged. 3?ust a walk today, I think.3

3Alright. /et's go.3

And we did. traight to his car.

I was so used to his erratic driving habits by that point that I trusted my seat belt and did

not spend the entire ride double-checking it. My nails were in the seat on refle", but I

was no longer praying to 9od to get us to our destination safely.

Mikhail had incredible luck when it came to driving.


28/37

It never ceased to ama6e me.

ut it never hurt to be careful.

I forced myself to lean back into the seat, slowly rela"ing my muscles one by one.

It was difficult, because I kept my arm muscles tensed until the last, when I forced

myself to move my hands into my lap. It was dangerous, I knew. ut I had to get used toit sometime, and a Monday was as good a day as any.

But could be wrong, I thought as my shoulder slammed into his.

It didn't hurt, which surprised me a little.

I tipped my face up and sniffed. #es7

The smell of saltwater was stronger now and I had to smile.

e hadn't been kidding. %e really weregoing to the beach. And it gave me the warm

and fu66ies again.

It was a bad habit of mine, but a fairly recent development.

%alking along the beach holding hands is very corny and makes people giggle. That was

e"actly why I dodged his hand and kept both of mine clasped in front of me as we

walked south from where he'd parked the car.

It was sweet. Middle of August, hot and melty. igh school and college students were

enoying their last weeks of summer by playing volleyball for days on end. As we

wandered by a group of girls, I noticed how Mikhail's eyes followed their trim,

smoothly-muscled forms. I poked my tummy fat self-consciously. I supposed I should be

ealous and wish I had their figures.ut I didn't. I was too la6y to keep a figure like that even if I had it. And besides+

Mikhail was favoring mewith his company. e's bought me chocolate. /ots of

chocolate. Therefore, logic would suggest that he didn't care that I wasn't perfect.

o there was no malice or envy when they smiled and waved and he and I reciprocated.

There was no apparent purpose to the walking, and it was done in companionable

silence. The sun glowed a neon orange as it sank into the earth, and its eweled tones

reached onto the water. It was beautiful, the way the glowing water met the hori6on and

the first of the evening stars. A spectacular clash of day and night and I smiled.

3There's someone I want you to meet,3 Mikhail suddenly said.

I glanced up at him in confusion. 3That is the single most random thing you have ever

said. %hy can't you ust enoy the sunset$3 I turned back to the water.

3#ou're not even facing the sunset.3

I scowled darkly at him. 3*ine. I'll rephrase. %hy can't you ust enoy the effect of the

sunset on the water$3


29/37

3ecause there's someone I want you to meet,3 he said pragmatically. There was no

arguing with him and I threw up my hands in defeat.

3%here to$ ack to the car$3

3No, I think we can make it to her place on foot.3

At that point I should have balked.I should have turned around and stalked over to the nearest pay phone to get 5eaira to

come pick my ass up.

I should have slapped him and proceeded to forget about his e"istence.

ut I didn't.

ecause I'm an idiot.

And because I was more curious. After all, he hadn't given me any reason to be ealous.

I didn't suppose there was any harm in meeting whoever this woman was.

After all, what's the worst that could happen$

I'll tell you true+I shouldn't have asked.

Chapter !en

%e came to a neat little ranch with a white picket fence and a magnolia tree in the front

yard. It was sweet. I liked it immediately.

It was the sort of house to make you start daydreaming of 9ranny's place. #ou know the

kind of granny I mean. Not my kind of granny. The kind of granny /ittle !ed !iding

ood used to have, not the kind of granny that would blow the big bad wolf to tiny

shreds of fur.

I can hear the outraged gasps from here. )&TA will murder me in my sleep. ut come on

now 8 you get my point. I can't be the only one out there with a granny like that.

My point is+.it was that sort of house. The kind to make you homesick even if you'd

never had a home like that one.

I must have stopped dead in my tracks to muse and stare, because Mikhail had to pokeme twice to get me to look at him.

34ome on in, guys,3 a pleasant young voice called.

I looked away from Mikhail and back to the house again. /eaning against the door amb

was a woman about my age, maybe a year or two younger, wearing an emerald silk top

and a fitted black silk pencil skirt. er hair was a raven black color and pulled into a

chic knot on top of her head.


30/37

My stomach twisted slightly, but it passed.

Mikhail's eyes warmed at the sight of her and he almost dragged me forward. The

woman wound her arms around his neck and planted a sound kiss on his cheek. 3I've

missed you, dearest. ow have you been$3

3:uite well, my dear. This is /okari. /okari, this is Maeve.3

he turned a radiant smile at me and I did my best to muster one in return. I must have

succeeded, because her beautiful green eyes widened. 30f course7 I've heard so much

about you73

I laughed a bit at that. 3Nothing good, I imagine.3

er own laugh came more naturally than mine. 30n the contrary, my dear. Nothing but

good. ut please, come in. I've ust brewed a pot of tea. 1nless you'd prefer coffee+$3

3Tea would be lovely, thanks,3 I said, wondering what kind of game the man was

playing.

Maeve led us inside and directed Mikhail to a chair while she sat me ne"t to her on a

floral-printed couch. The seating arrangement confused me more than slightly. After that

greeting, it was safe to assume that I was the odd one out.

And yet+here I was, being treated like a welcome and long-awaited guest. The tea was

poured and Maeve presented me with a tin of butter cookies. 3I'm absolutely hopeless in

a kitchen,3 she told me with another of her infectious smiles.

It couldn't help but make me crack a grin. 3#ou think so$ I once lit a stove on fire.3

3I once set curtains on fire.3

3I once burned water.3 he stared at me. I nodded gravely and held up my right hand.

34ross my heart. %ater.3

he gave me a short burst of applause. 3ravo, lady7 That takes talent, right there. I'm

betting there's a story to go with it.3

3There's a story to go with almost everything I do.3

34an I hear this story$3

Mikhail leaned forward, his eyes on mine. 3#es, I'd like to hear this too.3

I shifted in my seat and wrapped both hands around my teacup to absorb the heat. 3Notmuch to tell, really. I put on a pot of water to boil and went to the living room to get a

book. I got distracted by a different book and when I went to check on the water, the

kitchen was full of smoke and the water was gone. Technically, I burned the pot. ut

burning water sounds way cooler.3 I shrugged and dropped my ga6e to the steam rising

from my tea.

The surface of the brown li2uid was surprisingly smooth. ow strange. My hands were


31/37

never so steady. ut that was alright. The steam swirled and curled into the air and I let

my eyes follow it, let it clear my mind. My head felt oddly light and I wanted nothing

more than to take a nap.

3Maeve73 Mikhail's voice snapped me out of my temporary stupor.

he looked slightly embarrassed, though I couldn't imagine what by. 3I'm sorry,3 she

murmured and took up a spoonful of sugar. he didn't wait for my nod before dumping itin, disturbing the glassy surface of the tea.

I frowned at it in disappointment and then turned to Maeve again. 3Now it's your turn to

tell a story.3

he and Mikhail e"changed a look, but damned if I could tell you what it was all about.

is face was blank+scary-blank.

3%ell+.would you like to hear about the time I kicked Mikhail's ass at ping pong$ 0r

about the time I went ice skating and ripped my instructor's throat out$3

3I'd prefer to hear the latter,3 I told her, honestly assuming the second option was a funlie. I didn't want to hear about Mikhail with her+or anyone else, for that matter.

ut I was being silly.

I knew I was.

I blamed it on the fact that it was a Monday.

3%ell,3 she started, leaning towards me in a conspiratorial manner, 3I wanted to learn to

ice skate. My instructor was an absolute oy to look at. 9reat body, pretty face, lovely

sense of humor. #ou know the kind I mean$3 I pointedly avoided looking at Mikhail as I

nodded. 3%ell, I was wearing really sharply forged blades on my skates. (on't ask. I wasyounger then and dumber. %ell, after I went five whole minutes without falling down, I

decided I was good enough to show off in front of him. I've always been rather limber,

and so I decided to do a spin while holding one of my ankles in the air above my head.

That didn't work out too well. I ust raised my leg up and heard a rrriiiiip. I had an

ohshitohshitohshit reaction, of course. There was blood every where, and the ice was

tainted red. )eople were screaming. My instructor died on the spot.3

I couldn't help it. I laughed. he could be considered my enemy, andshouldbe,

considering that kiss on her stoop+but she was also nice and made me laugh. er face

was a very e"pressive sort and I liked her.

(on't even give me that look. I liked her.


32/37

Chapter Eleven

39od damn son of a fucking bitch73

#eah. I'm inventive.

At that point in time, the curses were directed at my pretty little pink pen. It had ust

s2uirted dark blue ink onto my pretty little white button-down shirt and maimed itirreparably.

This is why I prefer ballpoint pens. They're neater.

ut they make my handwriting look worse than it already is, which is why I was using a

fountain pen at the moment.

tupid fountain pen. It had to have picked a Monday.

I had learned to e"pect the warm laughter that came on the heels of any minor or maor

calamity.

And it came, ust as I knew it would.

&"cept.

It was not Mikhail's laughter. I had become so used to his laugh that any deviance

grated. ?ust as this did. It was a woman's laughter.

I whipped around to face the female intruder with a glower on my face.

It cleared off, though, once I got a look at her. 3ey Maeve,3 I said with a small sigh of

relief. 3To what do I owe the pleasure of your company$3

he leaned against my desk, and her presence made my cubicle look deplorably stuffy.

er hair was pulled into a loose braid and she wore a cashmere sweater over a black

skirt.

I never could understand people like her. It was obvious she had put little to no effort

into her appearance, and yet everything ended up looking elegant on her petite yet curvy

frame.

3%ell,3 she drawled, 3since Mikhail's busy, I thought I'd come to take you for a drive.3

he cocked her head to the right as she looked at me. 3I promise I won't kill you. I'm not

so bad behind the wheel as my twin brother.3

I hated it when people read my mind. It irritated me. It still does, but that's anothermatter.

I looked at my ruined pen in disgust and looked back at her. 3Alright. /et's go.3

%e did.

I didn't look back at the building. I didn't wave to the people I passed.

I should have.


33/37

er car gleamed like a ewel among the grimy, dusty vehicles in the parking lot. It was a

sparking silver Aston Martin and I could feel my aw slowly drooping. Maeve's small

hand came up to my chin and my teeth snapped together. 3I ust got it washed,3 she said

by way of e"planation.

3(oesn't change the fact that it's a ond car,3 I told her with a half-smile. 3(oes

everyone in your family drive a great car$3er face+changed. An odd half-smile slid across her face and I frowned. ut it passed

and I was left unsure anything had been different at all. 3Not 2uite,3 she said.

3ecause that's not ambiguous,3 I told her.

he laughed and unlocked the car. 39et in. I'll e"plain what I can.3

The last bit had an ominous ring, and I laughed at the idea.

I did that a lot.

I shouldn't have.he hadn't lied to me 8 she wasa good driver. he used her turn signals and did not

double the speed limit. Not much, anyway.

%e drove in a friendly silence and, with the sky turning an odd gray color, I could feel

my eyelids droop. The drowsiness that came over me was irresistible and, leaning my

face against my seat belt, I closed my eyes and let myself drift away.

I opened my eyes. ut I didn't see much as they closed immediately to accommodate a

wide yawn.

)opping my aw back into place, I shook the fu66 from my skull.0pening my eyes for the second time, I looked out the windshield. It was an interesting

view. %e seemed to be on the outskirts of a small country town, parked ne"t to a field. It

had cows in it.

Maeve was leaning against a fence pole with her head down, but she looked up when I

looked at her. he motioned me over to her and, with a slight frown, I undid my seat belt

and left the car.

I shouldn't have.

I wandered over to her, kicking the loose gravel at the side of the road as I did.A fat brown cow let off a forlorn moo in my direction and, feeling impulsive, I mooed

back.

It choked on its cud.

Am I ama6ing, or what$

)oor cow. Not every day a weird woman moos at you.


34/37

3top scaring the animals,3 Maeve said solemnly. It was strange+there was really no

trace of humor either in her voice or on her face.

The grin slowly faded from my face. I raised a 2uestioning eyebrow at her. 3o what's

up$3

he gave me the sort of once-over that makes you want to stand up straight and brush

the dust and wrinkles out of your clothes. I resisted. Mostly. I did brush a hand 2uicklyover my skirt. 0nly once, though. It was a good compromise.

3ow religious are you$3 she asked me carefully.

I raised my eyebrow slowly. 3Not particularly. %hy$3

3%ell,3 she started slowly, 3it's a matter of principle. (o you like Mikhail$3

My head spun at the sudden change of subect. 3#eah, I do.3

3I thought so. (o you love him$3

My aw dropped for the second time that day. This time I snapped it back myself. 3I+um+3 I broke off in order to grab a hold of a coherent thought. 3+unh$3 I failed.

3(o. #ou. /ove. Mikhail$3 er eyes were boring into me and I shifted uncomfortably.

he saw it and sighed, making an obvious effort to tone down her intensity. 3?ust+don't

think about it too hard. The answer should ust come to you.3

I blinked. 3#es,3 I said without thinking at all.

39ood.3

Mikhail. I whipped around to find him standing not two inches behind me. My heart

took a flying leap into my throat and stuck there. Thankfully, it only stuck there for asecond before dropping out of the bottom of my right foot.

Mikhail was horny. No, really+he had horns. lack ones. Thin ones. They twisted. ut

it was Mikhail. is skin pale. Iridescent white, glowing.

ut then he grasped me by the chin and forced my face up to his. And his eyes were the

same. The same warmth and honesty. It was him. The man I loved was a+umm. %ell,

that was a good 2uestion.

e sighed and I almost umped out of my skin. 3#ou never did get around to telling her,

did you$3 I found myself wishing he would make eye contact with someone other thanme. The one he was speaking with, if it wasn't too difficult.

3No,3 Maeve replied easily, 3you showed up too soon. o much for planning. Now

you've got her scared out of her wits.3

3he's not scared.3

es am"

3#es she is.3


35/37

3Then she would run away.3

#emme go and watch me fly"

3%hy are you holding her, then$3

e slowly moved his hand from my chin. Me$ I bolted in the direction of the nearest

church. They couldn't have placed it conveniently close to me. Nono. It was a block ortwo away.

#es, I am a coward. hut up. %hen the guy you love turns effervescent and sprouts

horns, we'll see how you react. I collapsed into the church whispering half-remembered

prayers.

I looked up to see Maeve perched on the back of a pew. 3illy girl,3 she told me calmly,

3churches haven't been built on holy ground in centuries. They have no effect on

demons.3

3(emons,3 I breathed.

3#es, dear. (emons.3

I took a deep breath. I turned. I walked out of the church. Into the murky sunlight.

Mikhail was standing across the street with his head down and his hands at his sides. I

took another breath. I let it out.

e raised his head and looked at me. %ith the street between us, he raised his right hand,

palm up.

I took a breath. I took a step. And another. And another.

I took his hand.

Epilogue

And so here I am. #ears later and still with him. #ou e"pect a fairytale$ Nah. Not 2uite. I

live in hell. ow much fun could that possibly be$ Mikhail is my claim to sanity. Maeve

my link to my original plane of e"istence.

(id you e"pect a big white wedding with flowers and a poofy dress$ Not 2uite. A

marriage is a union blessed by god.

Mikhail and I have a union overseen by /ucifer himself. An honor, I am told. I am also

told there was a ceremony involved. I was too busy rationali6ing+and pinching

myself+to now be able to recall much of it.

%e make our home on one of the first levels of hell. %ith the philosophers. (ante was

never so right as the day I arrived. I+I have met Dirgil. I speak to him often. omer, the

blind poet, is here too. Though he is more pretentious that Dirgil.


36/37

e seemed pleased I had read The Aeneid, though he continues to be bitterly

disappointed that it was published at all. e never finished it...but I know how it was to

have ended.

It's strange to speak with historical figures. I won't lie to you. It's disconcerting. The

people we learned so much about in school+they e"ist. They truly do. 5eaira would

love to be here, but she has her asylum to rule.ut I'm not 5eaira. I don't like it. It's strange. It's awkward. It makes me feel horribly

inferior.

%hy do I continue to sociali6e with them, you ask$

In turn I ask you what choice I have.

%hen Mikhail is gone BI don't ask what he does+to be honest, I'd rather not know.C I

have no one to speak with unless Maeve is here. And I have always been a social

creature.

#ou suggest befriending the other demons$ Ah well. After being burned by one, stabbedby another, and nearly killed by a third, I have learned that steering clear of them is a

wise choice. 1ntil I learn my way around a bit better, that is.

I hear there are other women like me here. I have met one or two. (rawn, haunted

women. I wonder if I look like them now. )robably not. I am very adaptable.

#ou may notice that my e"uberance and general cheerfulness has slightly dampened.

It isn't. It's ust+.harder to draw forth. The pervading gloom in this place isn't

conductive for good spirits and fun parties and chocolate cakes and colored streamers.

%hat I wouldn't do for one of 5eaira's chocolate cakes.0h7 I may as well mention that I am still in almost regular contact with 5eaira. %hich

has gotten her in a bit of trouble. he is more accepting than society is, you see. o now

I visit her at an insane asylum. 0f course, they don't call it that+.but it is what it is. The

good news is, she's as sane as she ever was+.no matter whatever that may tell you.

he has the entire place wrapped around her finger. They're slightly afraid of her. %hich

is why she is now spoiling my cat. They keep a respectable distance from each other, to

appease 5eaira's allergies. Angel helps her run the place. It's amusing to watch, it really

is. The two of them striding down sterili6ed hallways side by side is a view to be

admired.

I have a hellhound now. As of yesterday. A hellpuppy, rather. e's a cute little thing. All

smoke and shadow with soul-scorching eyes.

#eah. !eal cute.

I named him ?ordan. *or Michael.

I'm hoping there will be a resemblance some day. ut, from the dirty looks ?ordan's been


37/37

If You Don't Play You Can't Win

Documents

Transcript of If You Don't Play You Can't Win