Judges: Hope For Troubled Times Chapters 1:1-2:5 “Israel’s Success and Failure” 14 Dec 11.
Hope For Troubled Marriages
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Transcript of Hope For Troubled Marriages
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Once Upon A Time ….
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There was a girl who longed for true love
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So when she finally
met a cute guy
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Who said he loved her…
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…she hopped into his car, waved gaily to her loved
ones…
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…and drove off into the sunset with him…
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…planning to live happily ever after.
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It was not too long before our would-be heroine
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Realized that
her life was …
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not exactly the enchanted dream she had imagined
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Conversations turned ugly…… over the smallest thing & matters from
finances to sex
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Humilityand
CHARITY
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Many couples don’t recognize serious difficulties until both parties simply want out-and end up with a broken marriage
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Basic Stages in Troubled Marriages
1. CRITICISM
•
Every husband & wife complains about each other
2. CONTEMPT
•
Hostile humor, mockery, name calling & other contemptuous behavior
3. DEFENSIVENESS
•
Takes every comment as an accusation & counter by lashing out
4. STONEWALLING
•
Staying away from each other
•
No longer have the energy or the inclination for confrontation
-
Dr. Gregory Popcak
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Genesis
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother
and clings to his wife, and they become
one flesh.
2: 24
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Marriage is not for the FAINTHEARTED
•
Sound marriages go through
cycles of developmentcycles of development–
From
RomanceRomance
to
disillusionmendisillusionment
to
mature lovemature love
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Tough Issues
Finances
sex
chores
In-laws
Gender roles
Cultural differences
Health issues
loneliness
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Tough Issues
religion
tragedies
infidelity
secrecy
violence
Domesticneglect
family
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Domestic Violence
•
Every 1 in 4 women experiences domestic violence during her lifetime
–
Forms:
•
Emotional
•
Economic
•
Sexual
•
Physical abuse
•
Men can be victims as well
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Domestic Violence P A T T E R N
•
The Longer you stay
in an abusive relationship, the more harm done
to your mental health, especially your self-esteem.
•
Leaving an abuser
without any planning can be dangerous
•
Seek professional help
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•
It can be hard to recognize and admit that you’re in an abusive relationship –
but
help is available.
Remember:
NO ONE DESERVES TO BE NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSEDABUSED
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FORTUNATELY most marriages ….
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Hosea
I will take you for my wife in righteousness and
in justice,
in steadfast love and
in mercy.
I will take you for my wife
in faithfulness
2 :19-20
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Successful Marriages don’t work on auto-pilot.
To become lifelong partnersTo become lifelong partners
•
Negotiating the stages of marriage &
the bumps requires:
Attention &
Hard work
•
Opinions &
interests must be:
balanced
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1. Communicate
••
Poor Communication Poor Communication is the number 1 reason for failed marriages
••
Good Communication Good Communication –
means listening as well as talking
–
Must be open, honest and frequent
–
Should not only talk daily but also
••
laugh & crylaugh & cry
••
share family joysshare family joys
••
accomplishmentsaccomplishments
••
struggles struggles
••
tragediestragedies
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2. Fight Fair
••
Don’t Don’t try to “WIN” arguments
•
Allow your spouse to maintain
SelfSelf--respectrespect
••
Don’tDon’t
complain, state the issues
honestlyhonestly
•
GRANT
Equal TimeEqual Time
••
understand understand the other person’s point of view
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3. Forgive••
stop stop holding grudges
•
Forgiveness is a challenge challenge &&
can lead to:can lead to:––
PeacePeace
––
HopeHope
––
GratitudeGratitude
––
joyjoy
•
It can lower your ––
Blood pressureBlood pressure
––
Risk of alcohol Risk of alcohol
––
Risk of substance abuseRisk of substance abuse
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4. Rebuild Trust
••
Trust takes years to build Trust takes years to build but can be damaged in an instant
•
Be honest honest
••
Keep Keep promises
••
RespectRespect
while supporting one another’s goals
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5. Decide Together
•
Make
Joint Decisions Joint Decisions about
••
FinancesFinances
••
Disciplining childrenDisciplining children
••
ChoresChores
••
VacationsVacations
••
Other important family mattersOther important family matters
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6. Work on Building Intimacy
•
schedule
regular dates regular dates and
romantic getawaysromantic getaways
••
Remember Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries
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7. Don’t Try to Change your Mate
••
Appreciate Appreciate &
respect respect your spouse’s ••
PersonalityPersonality
••
Likes Likes &&
DislikesDislikes
••
Personal HistoryPersonal History
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Ephesians
Put away from you
all bitterness and wrath and
anger and wrangling
and slander,
together with malice,
and be kind to one another,
tenderhearted,
forgiving one another,
as god in Christ
has forgiven you.
4: 31-32
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•
Fr. Larry Tan, SDB
Inspirational Series