Gender Communication Gender Communication Differences:Differences:

Men are from Mars. Women Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus, and I’m your are from Venus, and I’m your

interpreter.interpreter.

Childhood Study:Childhood Study: Development Development of social skills begins at a very early age.of social skills begins at a very early age.

BOYS:BOYS: group-orientedgroup-oriented teamwork= strong group teamwork= strong group

of friendsof friends

GIRLS:GIRLS: individual-orientedindividual-oriented one-on-one talking= one one-on-one talking= one

or two best friendsor two best friends

Differing Perceptions:Differing Perceptions:

STATUS LENS:STATUS LENS:(males)(males)

looking for differences to looking for differences to achieve statusachieve status

young boys try to “one up” young boys try to “one up” each othereach other

stronger personalities give stronger personalities give orders= leader= orders= leader= HIGHER STATUSHIGHER STATUS

weaker personalities accept weaker personalities accept orders= subordinate= orders= subordinate= LOWER STATUSLOWER STATUS

CONNECTION LENS:CONNECTION LENS:(females)(females)

look for similarities to look for similarities to achieve connectionachieve connection

try to achieve equalitytry to achieve equality

Non-verbal Non-verbal Communication:Communication: LISTENING LISTENING

RITUALSRITUALS“Parallel Chairs” Study: when speaking, boys kept chairs side by “Parallel Chairs” Study: when speaking, boys kept chairs side by

side, but girls turned their chairs to face each other.side, but girls turned their chairs to face each other.

MEN:MEN: avoid direct eye contactavoid direct eye contact are still listening, are still listening,

although they may not although they may not look directly at youlook directly at you

misinterpret direct eye misinterpret direct eye contact as contact as confrontational or confrontational or flirtatiousflirtatious

WOMEN:WOMEN: direct, face-to-face gazedirect, face-to-face gaze used to focus on used to focus on

connectionconnection misinterpret no eye misinterpret no eye

contact as a sign of not contact as a sign of not listeninglistening

VERBAL COMMUNICATION:VERBAL COMMUNICATION:CONVERSATION RITUALSCONVERSATION RITUALS

not to be taken literallynot to be taken literally tools used for establishing friendly tools used for establishing friendly

connections to facilitate connections to facilitate communicationcommunication– example:example: “How are you?”... “Fine, “How are you?”... “Fine,

thanks”thanks”

CONVERSATION RITUALSCONVERSATION RITUALS

RITUAL OPPOSITION:RITUAL OPPOSITION:(MEN)(MEN)

boys “play fight”boys “play fight” playing Devil’s Advocateplaying Devil’s Advocate used NOT to challenge but used NOT to challenge but

rather to explore possibilitiesrather to explore possibilities

Women misinterpret oppostion Women misinterpret oppostion as:as:

indication of bad idea or indication of bad idea or mistakemistake

personal attackpersonal attack

RITUAL APOLOGY:RITUAL APOLOGY:(WOMEN)(WOMEN)

““I’m not sorry I’m not sorry I’m sorryI’m sorry”” means I’m sorry means I’m sorry thatthat

happenedhappened NOT a personal apologyNOT a personal apology used as a transition in used as a transition in

conversationconversation

Men misinterpret apology as:Men misinterpret apology as: disorganizationdisorganization incompetenceincompetence

CONVERSATION RITUALSCONVERSATION RITUALS

MEN:MEN: use playful insults use playful insults

and teasingand teasing related to the related to the

status dimensionstatus dimension

WOMEN:WOMEN: use complimentsuse compliments related to the related to the

connection connection dimensiondimension

SMALL TALKSMALL TALK: : ““Greasing the Greasing the Wheels”Wheels”

REPORT TALK:REPORT TALK:(men)(men)

focuses on information-- focuses on information-- details, statisticsdetails, statistics– sports and hobbiessports and hobbies

RAPPORT TALK:RAPPORT TALK:(women)(women)

talking about personal talking about personal subjects in order to give subjects in order to give sense of connectionsense of connection– ““How’s your family?”How’s your family?”

GIVING ORDERS:GIVING ORDERS:

DIRECT:DIRECT:(men)(men)

dictate ordersdictate orders not bossy or offensivenot bossy or offensive

Women misinterpret direct orders Women misinterpret direct orders as:as:

impolitenessimpoliteness overbearingoverbearing

INDIRECT:INDIRECT:(women)(women)

use strategies not to appear use strategies not to appear bossybossy– ““could we do this…”could we do this…”– ““do you think it’s do you think it’s

possible…”possible…”– ““I would do it this way…”I would do it this way…”

Men misinterpret indirect Men misinterpret indirect approach as:approach as:

not being managerialnot being managerial easier to say “NO”easier to say “NO”

THE “DOUBLE BIND” FOR THE “DOUBLE BIND” FOR WOMEN:WOMEN:

Expectations for how an authority figure should speak is Expectations for how an authority figure should speak is based upon men in authority.based upon men in authority.

If a woman is direct (masculine) she appears If a woman is direct (masculine) she appears pushy or bossy.pushy or bossy.

If woman is indirect (feminine) she appears If woman is indirect (feminine) she appears incompetent.incompetent.

Quick Tips:Quick Tips:

FOR MEN:FOR MEN: give compliments more give compliments more

freelyfreely use praise to temper use praise to temper

criticismcriticism asks for another’s asks for another’s

opinion to make them opinion to make them feel includedfeel included

FOR WOMEN:FOR WOMEN: give ideas outright give ideas outright

without disclaimerwithout disclaimer be more concrete when be more concrete when

giving ordersgiving orders