Marriages in BirbhumMarriages in Birbhum

Married and living in ‘sasurals’, away from the comfort of their own homes, before they can fathom what lies in store for them, these child brides are deprived of the joys of childhood in their lives. The arms that cradled dolls carry children of their own now.

However, every popular tradition faces rebellion. Love further colours and empowers these children to marry of their own accord. Not all love marriages are acceptable, but the fact is it is a change, nonetheless.

Marriages are made not only in heaven but in different ways in Birbhum.

While on one hand the practice of child marriage, as sanctioned by the village elders, continues in all the villages, whether they be Adivasis, Bengalis or Santhals, the youth are now marrying early at their own will often outside their communities. Love marriages are the new trend in this district.

Interestingly, Bihari-Bengali marriages are more acceptable if the caste and religion match, a Hindu-Muslim marriage from the same region, however, is abhorred. Dilip Kumar Saha, a cycle-rickshaw driver, came from Bihar in search for work and met his future wife. Since his caste matched hers, language was not a problem and they have been married 10 years now.

Lokhi Kisko, a Santhali woman from Bon Danga, had a completely different story to narrate.

Her sindoor smeared forehead marked her as a married woman, which in her case is a small adjustment she makes every day to survive in the village. Having left her husband years ago, she now lives with her parents.

The village Mukhya, Ram Kisko is Lokhi’s first cousin. He denied the existence of cross-community marriages in his village. Lokhi mused, “They are scared of accepting changes, and will always be.”

She is in a relationship with a Muslim man who lives near Bolpur. Sheikh Murtaza provides for Lokhi’s upkeep. Despite being romantically involved for four years now, Lokhi does not intend to marry him as that could only result in “maar-kaat.” (Beating, killing)

Lokhi’s story is one of having escaped child marriage. She was 14 when she got married and had her son at the young age of 15. An incompatible marriage and she was back in her parents home, leaving her son , her only “bondhu” (friend) behind as her husband would have it no other way.

On being asked about child marriage and early pregnancies, Lokhi explained, “I don’t know how young my mother was when she had me. She barely looks like my elder sister.”

Lokhi’s cousin, Ram Kisko is a young 27-year-old Mukhya.

He too married as early as at 14 years of age. His wife was 13 then. His now pregnant wife had her first child at 14.

A Bengali village not so far from Bondanga, Paruldanga, houses yet another Lokhi who was married early.

Lokhi Narayan Hazra is 22-years-old now. She has an eight-year-old son and a six-year-old mentally handicapped daughter.

Lokhi Narayan Hazra with her children

Her husband, Narayan Hazra, met her while fixing the marriage of Lokhi’s brother and Narayan’s sister. That marriage never happened.

She had her son at 14 years of age. Girls marry by the maximum age of 15 in their community; she said “Ponero bochor mane dhore nao je biye hoye gailo.” (If she’s 15, consider her married.)

Asking for dowry is a common practice. She knows no other way. Gold, cash, furniture; dowry can be anything the groom’s family demands. If the girl’s family cannot pay up, they can start looking for other grooms, she said.

“My husband didn’t ask for money because he wanted to marry me and not my money.”

A shocking story of child marriage comes from Bakajal gram which is an Adivasi village. Bodi Mounar and his wife, Balika Mounar married earlier than his own parents.

Balika’s name ironically signifies the age at which she married Bodi. She was 11 and he was 13. She had her first child at 12. Fifteen years from then, Bodi’s is a family of five now.

Bakajal also houses the third Lokhi in this narrative of child marriages, Lokhi Soren. A 21-year-old girl with a baby in her arms she married young like the rest at 15 years of age.

What is unusual though is that her husband is over 40 years old. On being asked if it was difficult for her to adjust with him, her curt response was, “amader baipar apnera boojben na. amra shukhi achhi.” (You won’t understand our lifestyle. We are happy with it.)

“The youngest a girl marries would be around 11 years. My parents also married quite early,” said Lokhi Soren.

Kankalitala Gram Panchayat Pradhan threw up his hands in defeat. “We urge them to not marry before 18. The Purohits in the temple have also been warned against performing marriage ceremonies.”

Kankalitala Gram Panchayat office

On one hand child marriages and child pregnancies dot the map of Birbhum. Whether this is an imposition or a choice, one cannot say. However, making a choice is definitely coming into its own when choosing partners in this district.