Volume 2 Issue 10

OCTOBER

Nebraska day of the older person Another great day with Rey Maintaining Ties that bind Real help for real people

IN THIS ISSUE

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I am proud and pleased to announce that once again, Desert Ministries carried the mantle for “Nebraska Day of the Older Person.”

In 1999, the United Nations passed resolution 45/7 declaring 1999 as the “International Year of the Older Person.” I called the Nebraska State Office on Aging and asked them if I could host a celebration.

Part of that first event was requesting the Governor of Nebraska to declare the first Wednesday of October as “Nebraska Day of the Older Person.” Each year since 1999, we have successfully instigated this day of honoring our senior citizens of Nebraska.

It is our hope that younger people will take this day to celebrate the lives of elders, and create expressions of gratitude for the contributions our elders have made to us, to our state, and to our nation.

Older adults play an important role in our society, in our organizations, and in our families. They model behavior for us, even as one geneticist expressed to me, “They teach me how to problem solve.”

Our elders are our source of hope and encouragement. They, nearing their own finish line, stop to look back and cheer us on, “I made it! So can you!”

More importantly they share their values, traditions, and a life time of accumulated wisdom.

Finally, Nebraska Day of the Older Person promotes intergenerational contact.

When we say intergenerational we do not just mean children and older adults, but contact across all ages, and all generations.

Some of us are 9, some of us are 39, some of us are 59 and some of us are 89. Whatever our age, we promote the concept of contact among all ages.

We want to break down discriminatory walls of all kinds. One of the last great walls to be brought down is age segregation.

Join with me this month, and promote the cause of the elderly to your church, your civic group, your company, and your friends. Join us as we celebrate “Nebraska Day of the Older Person.”

“Nebraska Day of the Older Person” October 7, 2010

By Paul Falkowski, MA, Executive Director

Cristo Rey that is. Twice a year our friends from St. Peter Claver Cristo Rey High School give us a ring and we set up a day when they can bring about 30 students, stop by the St. Joseph Campus, and spend some time with the great residents that call these two facilities home.

So, at about 10:00 a.m. on October 1st, I looked out my window to see our friends walking up the path to the far southern door of the building.

Little did I know that most of the day would be filled with one surprise after another. Yet by day’s end, both the students and I had accomplished much and learned even more.

For about the first 30 minutes I acclimated the teenagers to the world of long-term care volunteering.

We visited topics such as: negative stereotypes, levels of care (nursing homes & assisted living), communicating with residents, etc. Then the group separated into three groups: one went downstairs to the “Cozy Corner,” a place where older adults usually play cards, while two other groups went into the “Clubhouse” and the “Movie Room.”

Aby, Desert Ministries’ administrative assistant, was instructed to go and find residents so that the students could socialize with them.

However, this task was more than difficult. During the re-flooring of the dining room, the tables had been moved into the facility entrance, into the “Cozy Corner,” and even into the “Angel Loft.”

This change left no place for our older adults to relax or be in community. Therefore, most of the residents were in their rooms.

Fortunately for us, we have a resident that is as fond of us as we are of her.

She found us as we were taking a group of teenagers around the facility and up into the “Angel Loft,” a special place in the Tower where one can see the entire city.

This fine woman of 93 allowed us to come and take a look at her room. This allowed me to show the teenagers the types of rooms with which our older adults are being accommodated.

Another great day with Rey. By Andrew S. Dungan, MACE

Before exiting her room, this sweetheart brought out a very large bag of candy and began giving some to everyone.

It was truly a moment of beauty and love. After lunch, I was pleased that part of the group was able to transform the dining room back into what it should be.

The residents had been waiting and with 15 teenagers the job was done quickly.

All the tables were moved back, all the chairs were cleaned and placed around the tables.

I was even able to teach the kids about why the staff are so methodical about placing certain chairs in certain places.

I said to them, “You see, some of the residents need chairs that are lower so that they can be closer to their food or a resident may need a chair without wheels so the chair doesn’t slip and these staff know these things about the residents.”

The teens were amazed that the set-up was so

purposeful.

During the time the guys were helping me set up the dining room, the girls of St. Peter Cristo Rey were helping Aby gathe items out of a storage room for a rummage sale.

By the time the bus arrived at 1:45 PM, I ran back upstairs to see that the girls had already filled the hallway with boxes.

I was amazed at the amount of work they had accomplished!

What started out as a crazy day turned out to be a wonderful day in which the teenagers were able to learn and serve.

In fact, I had several teenagers ask me if they could come back as volunteers.

No doubt in my mind: these kids are special. They are here to serve!

**For more information on the St. Peter Claver Cristo Rey Catholic High School movement, I

"No doubt in my mind: these kids are special. They are here to serve."

This last week, my mom and I took off from a girl’s getaway. We had a great time, doing whatever we felt like.

I don’t think we’ve ever taken an overnight trip together. We agreed that we should do this kind of thing more often.

We live in neighboring states and see each other about every three to four months. We’ve worked really hard to stay close as a family, even living 500+ miles apart.

We talk on the phone a couple of times a week and send quick emails every so often.

Mom even got a Facebook page and we’re going to try out Skype! We try really hard to keep up with each other, but it always seems like we’d really like to have more time.

More time with family is something most people strive for. I’ve thinking about how time with family would change when a family member is admitted to a long-term care facility.

Obviously there would probably be some kind of change in the frequency and duration of family contact, and the relationship would probably change somewhat too.

So I did some research, and here is what I found.

-Half of family members experienced a change in their relationship.

-Changes in relationship can be positive or negative.

-Most family members continue to be involved in their loved-one’s care.

- Patterns of visitation established early tend to last throughout admission.

-Visits may decrease the longer someone is in long-term care.

-Contact tends to drop by about half after admission to long-term care.

Maintaining the Ties That Bind By Erin Dittman

So what to do with this information? Chances are, if you have a loved-one in long-term care, you are still in contact with them and involved in their care.

That’s great news! Keep it up, maintaining that contact is good for both of you! Maybe your relationship has changed in some way, that’s pretty normal and okay too.

If things are a bit strained, work on it a little bit and try to find some way to improve it.

If your family is considering or just went through the transition to long-term care, find a visitation pattern that works for your entire family and stick to it.

Understand that transition might be difficult, but keep visiting! This last finding bothered me; contact tends to drop by half.

If you were seeing each other daily or weekly, that might not be so bad, but I only see my mom every three or four months. That would translate to one or two visits each year for us, and I’m not sure I’m ok with that.

I’m going to have to work extra hard to make sure I can maintain regular contact with my mom and dad if there comes a time when they need long-term care. It might be difficult at first, but maintaining ties that bind is always worth working for.

So tell me readers, get involved here, how do you maintain a good relationship with your loved-one in long term care? Let’s get a discussion going about how we are able to keep relationships from weakening when a loved-one is admitted to a long-term care facility.

What ideas to you have about staying involved? What worked for your family? Let’s share with each other and see if we can do a little better job staying involved.

Encourage each other that we are working hard to maintain and strengthen intergenerational family relationships. Hang in there, change is likely, but it doesn’t have to be negative.

“...how do you maintain a good relationship with your loved-one in long

term care?”

There’s nothing more fulfilling for me that to hear one activity director after another stand up in a meeting and have them tell the audience that Desert Ministries’ volunteers are above and beyond their expectations.

But the best is yet to come. At the Activities Directors Association meeting, we presented our new training program.

Being in a room full of creative people, we led them through the “The Human Sticky Note” activity.

We divided everyone up into subgroups, and then gave them five minutes to list what they believe are the top five ingredients of the “perfect” volunteer.

After five minutes each subgroup sent a representative to the front of the classroom with their list.

One by one we asked them to write on a large flipchart sticky note, one of the ingredients their group had named.

Then we stuck the paper to them while. It was awesome, as each person came to the flipchart and wrote one salient ingredient of the “perfect” volunteer.

Soon 10 people were lined across the front of the room with a large sticky note attached to them. On their sticky notes were written these words:

Compassionate – loyal – reliable – common sense – friendly – committed – accepting – humorous – innovative - selfless 

We then went on to say that this precisely describes the volunteer we are now creating. The five key concepts our volunteers are trained to understand are:

community, compassion, commitment, presence, selflessness

Starting this November, we will screen potential volunteers, (including background checks and checking references), then offer the volunteer candidate the opportunity to be trained volunteers so that when they arrive at a nursing facility they will hit the ground running.

Desert Ministries’ volunteers are self-starters that require minimal oversight, and provide “real” help. If you thought the previous generation of volunteers was remarkable, wait until you see the next generation. Now that is real excitement for all of us at Desert Ministries!

Be sure to visit our website and our blogs, particularly Erin Dittman’s blog dealing with familial issues related to long-term care. I think you will find her writing very informative.

“Real Help for Real People!”

By Paul Falkowski, MA, Executive Director

Happy Birthday

Carolyn L Dods

Julie Armstrong

Thomas Jahlson

Heida M Melnick

Karl Kosloski

Paul Falkowski

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