Danny's 13 Commandments

7/28/2019 Danny's 13 Commandments

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Commandment No.1Never tell somebody they are wrong

GalileoYou cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself

Alexander PopeMen must be taught as you taught them not. Things proposed unknown as things

forgot.

Telling somebody they are wrong is tantamount to saying I am smarter than you are.Thats a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you

before you even start.


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Commandment No.2The Secret of Socrates

Get the other person saying yes yes yes. Keep youropponent from saying no.

Do not begin by discussing the things on which you differ, emphasise and keep onemphasising the things upon which you agree.

Psychological patterns are clear. Once you have said no, all of your pride demands thatyou maintain that position. The neuromuscular system sets itself into a condition ofrejection and there is sometimes an observable degree of physical withdrawal.


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Commandment No.3Avoid the temptation to interrupt if you disagree

If you interrupt somebody when they are talking to you, they wont pay attention to youwhile they still have ideas of their own waiting for expression.


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Commandment No.4Make the recipient feel that the idea was his

Ask the user for his help to solve the problem. During the brainstorming session,indirectly give suggestions to the recipient and let them think out the conclusion.


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Commandment No.5If you are wrong, openly admit it

If you openly and enthusiastically admit that the other person was right and you werewrong, the only way that the other person can maintain self-esteem is by being gracious

and forgiving.


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Commandment No.6Try to see things from the other persons point of view

Somebody may be totally wrong, but they don t think so. Do not condemn them, try tounderstand why they think what they do. There is a reason why the other person

thinks and acts the way he does. If you find out that reason, you have the key to hisactions. Ask yourself, How would I feel, how would I react if I was in your shoes?


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Commandment No.7If you must find fault, begin with honest appreciation.

It is apparent from your work that you have put a great deal of time and effort intodeveloping a solution to the problem, and that is good..


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Commandment No.8Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly

What we need to do is sit down together and re-examine the problem to see if thesolution that you have generated is the best in the current circumstances.


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Commandment No.9Talk about your own mistakes before criticising

others

You have made a mistake but it is no worse than many I have made. I have noinclination to criticise you, but do you think it could have been better if you had.....


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Commandment No.10Ask questions instead of giving orders

No one likes being told what to do. Avoid saying Do this or Do that and use Haveyou considered this or Do you think this would work.


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Commandment No.11Let the other person save face

Avoid the temptation to rub somebodys nose in it if they are wrong! Instead, use apositive approach and help them learn from their mistake.

I thank you for your work, it is not unusual for an individual to make an error on anew project and I have confidence that when you do it again, you will get it right. I

know you have done your best, and I think it was your lack of experience, not your lackof ability, that was the reason for failure.


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Commandment No.12Praise all small improvements and avoid harping on

faults

Since we started on the Project you have made excellent improvement, and if you continuewith the same level of effort, you can still improve in....

WarningBeware of using the word but between giving honest appreciation and indirect criticism, it

brings into question the sincerity of the praise. The praise may appear to be only acontrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure.

ContrastSince we have started the Project you have made an excellent but you still need to improve

in....


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Commandment No.13Give a dog a good name. Give the person a reputation

to live up to and create a self-fulfilling prophecy

You are a good operator. You have done good work for a number of years. In fact, wehave had a number of compliments about your work. Yet, of late, your work has notbeen up to your old standards. Because you have been outstanding in the past, I felt

sure you would want to be made aware of this, and perhaps jointly we could find someway to correct the problem.

Danny's 13 Commandments

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