Body speaks workshop secrets of body language farzin fardiss version september 2010

Farzin FardissHelping people

Communicate better

Body Speaksor Secrets of Body Language

Farzin [email protected] Manager and Member of BoardPars Saman CompanyDec, 13, 2013

Farzin FardissHelping People

Communicate BetterBody Language Skills Workshop 2

Agenda

What do we mean by body language?

Role of body language

How can we interpret others behavior?

How can we improve our own behavior?



Definition



Does it really need to have narration for Chaplin's performances ?



Why is Steve Jobs one of the best sales person and presenters of the whole world?



How Willy Brandt Captured the Peace Nobel Prize in 1971?



How are you today? (گفت خود پيداست از زانوي تو)



The same day but in the opposite mood!



Can you guess what is the right man doing?



Why aren’t you pouring her some soup?She can’t even wait for a minute!



If you ask him what is the solution he would just kill you!



Is he satisfied with the result?



What about him?



You should be so lucky not to be near him, he is so determined, isn’t he?



Can you give me a better definition of struggle?



Does it really need any Comment?



Types of Communication

Communication

Non Verbal(Body language & Voice)

Verbal(Written & Oral)



More important than what you say is how you say that!

Verbal are for transfer of information but non-verbal are for communication of feeling and Attitudes.

Psychologists* say that a person's impact depends 7% on what is said (words)38% on how it is said (voice, tone, stress)and 55% on body language*Albert Mehrabian

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Ingredients of body language

Body language is the first language on earth

Body language includesPosture, Walking and Body Plane

Appearance - Dress style

Gestures and openness

Personal Space

Eye contact

Facial Expression



Non-verbal (Voice)

Verbal Communication is always accompanied by Non-Verbal communication

Tone

ProjectionDeliver with Clarity and Emphasis

PitchHigh or low Tone of speaking

PaceUsually 120-160 wpm

PausesFor emphasis, understanding



‘Non-verbal channels are the

ones which seem to be least aware in

ourselves, but most aware in others’



Reception and Perception Channels

Three dominant senses which are used to interpret the outside world:

Sight (visual person, 55%)

Touch (kinetic person, 30%)

Hearing (auditory person, 15%)

Each person has a predominant sense



What is Body Language?

Body language is the language transmitted by gestures and postures and provides information about an individual’s character, emotions, and reactions

A person can stop speaking, but he can’t stop communicating with his body




Signals emitted unconsciously always tell the truth

Gestures are the direct and unrepeatable expression of the personality

Each gesture synthesizes multiple contents, both conscious and unconscious




Body language is a sensorial process from the point of view of perception and emission

The more signals we consciously attempt to perceiveand understand, the more accurate will be our interpretation of a person’s conduct

Only those persons who live in awareness of their body will be able to maintain sensitive contact with their surroundings



Ladies perceive body language better!

“I feel that you are not telling the truth”

“I doubt your statement being true”

Experience of Showing 10 sec shots from infants cry in Hospitals without Sound

Most women recognize correctly

Most men say he/she wants his/her mother

This pattern is just the same for grandmothers/fathers



Application of Body Language

Social LifeAttraction and LoveNegotiationLecture and PresentationSales & MarketingInvestigations …Frankly Speaking, For A Better Life



Body language or kinesics Exercise 1

A favorite sport of many people is ‘people watching’ or,as Desmond Morris has called his very popular book,‘manwatching’What do you do when you are waiting on a railway platform, alone or at a busy doctors clinic…Possibly you can’t hear, so you are actually listening/ hearing/ reading their body languageIt is needless to state that to be a good body language reader you have to sharpen your powers of observation



‘Actions speaks Louder

than Words’



‘its not what he says, but the

way he says it’



Arabian proverb

‘He who does not understand a look will not understand a long

explanation either’’العاقل باالشاره‘



Interpretation



Do not judge immediately!

Some gestures or postures have different meanings in different parts of the world or in different cultures

Like any other language, body language consists of words, sentences and punctuation. Each gesture is like a single word and a word may have several different meanings. It is only when you put the word into a sentence with other words that you can fully understand its meaning.

Gestures come in ‘sentences’ and invariably tell the truth about a person’s feelings or attitudes.

The ‘perceptive’ person is one who can read the non-verbal sentences and accurately match them against the person’s verbal sentences



Shoulder Shrug Gesture –Universal Body Language

I don’t know

or understand

what you are talking about

Exposed palms,

hunched shoulders

and raised brow



Critical Evaluation Gesture –Universal Body Language

Hand -to-face gesture, with theindex finger pointing up the cheek

while another finger covers the mouth and the thumb supports the chin. The legs are tightly crossed

and the arm crosses the body (defensive) while the head and chin

are down (hostility)

‘I don’t like what you are saying and I disagree with you’



Thumb Up Gesture –Non Universal Body Language

Britain, Australia and New Zealand “Ok” Signal

Greece and Iran

“Get Stuffed”

In Italy “Five”



Everything’s OK Gesture –Non Universal Body Language

“OK” in English Speaking Countries, Spreading all over

the world

But

in France it also means ‘zero’ or ‘nothing’;

in Japan it can mean ‘money’;

in some Mediterranean countries it is an orifice signal, often used to infer that a man is

homosexual.



Victory Gesture –Non Universal Body Language

“Up yours” in England, New Zealand, Australia when palm

facing in

But

Winston Churchill used it palm facing out in World War II as

“Victory ” sign



Do not judge gestures individually!

Scratching the headItching

Dandruff or fleas,

Sweating,

Uncertainty,

Forgetfulness

Lying



Gestures should be considered in context!

Context the gesture occur in

Person’s physical restrictions or disabilities (tight close or illness)

Social Status, Power or Prestige

More linguistic, less body language

Age and Education

Lower age, more body language



Gestures vs. Age (Telling a lie or )



Openness and Honesty

Submissive Palm Position



Openness and Honesty

Dominant Palm Position

Submissive Palm Position

Aggressive Palm Position



Shaking Hands 1

Dominant hand shake for taking control

Submissive hand shake for giving control

Normal shaking



Shaking Hands 2

Dead Fish Hand shake

weak character

knuckle grinder is the trademark of the aggressive ‘tough guy’ type



Shaking Hands 3

keep you at a distance

Fingertip grasp or Stiff-arm thrust

Arm Pull Hand Shake The initiator is from a closer

intimate zone culture



Double Handed Handshake 1

Intention:

Show sincerity, trust or depth of feeling towards the receiver



Double Handed Handshake 2

Extent of feeling is related to the distance that the initiator’s left hand is moved up the receiver’s right arm



Glove Hand Shake (Politician’s)

The initiator tries to give the receiver the impression that he is trustworthy and honest, but when this technique is used on a person he has just met, it has the reverse effect. The receiver feels suspicious and cautious about the initiator’s intentions. The glove should only be used with people to

whom the initiator is well-known.



Hand Clenched Gesture

Frustration gesture, signaling that the person is holding back a

negative attitude



Steepling Hands

Confident or ‘know-it-all’ attitude

Specially for accountants, lawyers, managers

Raised SteeplingWhile Speaking

Lowered SteeplingWhile Listener

The movements preceding the steeple gesture are the key to interpret the outcome



Gripping Hands

Superiority

Confidence

Unconscious act of fearlessness

Recommended when you are in a high stress situation, such as being interviewed by newspaper reporters or simply waiting outside a dentist’s surgery, Since you will

feel quite relaxed, confident and even authoritative.



Gripping Arms, Wrists

Signal of frustration and an attempt at self-control



Thumbs display

In palmistry, the thumbs denote strength of character and ego.

They are used to display dominance, superiority or even aggression



Thumbs Up Gesture

Defensive or negative attitude, (folded arms)

plus a Superior attitude (displayed by the thumbs)



Deceit, Doubt, Exaggeration or Lying

when we see, speak and hear untruths or deceit, we often

attempt to cover our mouth, eyes or ears with our hands



Do not interpret hand-to-face gestures in isolation

When someone uses a hand-to- face gesture, it does not always mean that he

or she is lying.

It does, however, indicate that the person may be deceiving you and further

observation of his other gesture clusters can confirm your suspicions.



Mouth Guard

Hand which covers the mouth

Thumb which is pressed against the cheek as the brain sub consciously instructs it to try and suppress the deceitful words that are being said

Fake cough

As a speaker

“Would someone care to comment on what I’ve just said?”



Nose Touching

Several light rubs below the nose

One quick, almost imperceptible touch

Like the mouth guard gesture, it can be used both by the speaker to disguise his own deceit and by the listener who doubts the speaker’s words



Eye Rub

Men usually rub their eyes vigorously

If the lie is a big one they will often look away, normally towards the floor

Women use a small, gentle rubbingmotion just below the eye, either because they have been brought up to avoid making robust gestures, or to avoid smudging make-up

They also avoid a listener’s gaze by looking at the ceiling



Ear Rub

Rubbing the back of the ear,

The finger drill (where the fingertip is screwed back and forth inside the ear),

Pulling at the earlobe or

Bending the entire ear forward to cover the ear hole

This last gesture is also a signal that the person has heard enough or may want to speak



Neck Scratch

Index finger of the writing handscratches below the earlobe, or may even scratch the side of the neck

Signal of doubt or uncertainty

‘I’m not sure I agree.’

Mostly 5 times



Collar Pull

Lie causes a slight trickle of sweaton the neck when the deceiver feels that you suspect he is lying

Feeling angry or frustrated and needs to let the cool air circulate around neck



Pain in the neck

Exaggerated version of the collar pull

When lying usually used to avoid your gaze and look down

Signal of frustration or anger

The hand slaps the back of the neck first and then begins to rub the neck



Forgetfulness

Forgetfulness by slapping his head, either on the forehead or the back of the neck, as if he were symbolically hitting himself

Forehead, is not really sorry

Neck, is almost sorry



Fingers in the mouth

When a person is under pressure

Inner need for reassurance

Giving the person guarantees and assurances is appropriate



Boredom

His supporting hand holds his head up to stop himself from falling asleep

Drumming the fingers on the table and continual tapping of the feet on the floor are often misinterpreted by professional speakers as boredom signals, but in fact they signal impatience



Interested Evaluation

Closed hand resting on the cheek, often with the index finger pointing upwards



Negative or Critical Evaluation or thought

Finger points vertically up the cheekand the thumb supports the chin

The listener is having negative or critical thoughts about the speaker or his subject



Chin Stroke

Chin-stroking gesture is the signal that the listener is making a decision

Removing glasses and putting one arm of the frame in the mouth

Pipe-smoker puts his pipe in his mouth

Pen or pencil

The following movements will indicate whether their decision is negative or positive



Standard Arm Cross as a Barrier

Hide and Sick in Childhood

Decrease in understanding of a class in case of this gesture = 38%

Attempt to block out the impending threat or undesirable circumstances

When a person has a nervous, negative or defensive attitude, he will fold his arms firmly on his chest, a strong signal that he feels threatened

Besides the feeling of threat, less attention



Reinforced Arm Cross

Clenched fists

Indicates a hostile and defensiveattitude

This cluster is often combined with clenched teeth and red face, in which case a verbal or physical attack may be imminent



Reinforced Arm Cross

Stop any attempt to unfold the arms and expose the body

In a lawyer’s office

The prosecutor may be seen using a fists-clenched arm-cross

The defence may have taken the arm- gripping position



Partial Arm Barrier

Mostly seen at meetings where a person may be a stranger to the group or is lacking in self-confidence

Holding hands with oneself for people who stand before a crowd to receive an award or give a speech



Disguised Arm Cross

Highly sophisticated gestures used by people who are continually exposed to others

Politicians,

Sales people,

Television personalities

and the like who do not want their audience to detect that they are unsure of themselves or nervous



Standard Leg Cross Gesture

Like arm barrier gestures, crossed legs are a signal that a negative or defensive attitude may exist

One leg is crossed neatly over the other, usually the right over the left

When the crossed legs gesture is combined with crossed arms, the person has withdrawn from the conversation



American Figure 4 Leg Lock Position

Leg cross indicates that an argumentative or competitive attitude exists

Figure 4 leg cross with one or both hands, using them as a clamp; a sign of the tough-minded, stubborn individual who may need a special approach to break through his resistance

this



Standing Leg Cross Gestures



Open Body and Open Attitude



Ankle-Lock Gesture

Male version; is often combined with clenched fists resting on the knees or with the hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair

Female version; the knees are held together, the feet may be to one side and the hands rest side by side or one on top of the other resting on the upper legs

Mentally ‘biting his lip’, holding back an emotion or attitude or valuable concession



Foot Lock

Almost exclusively used by women

The top of one foot locks around the other leg to reinforce a defensive attitude

The woman has become a mental recluse or has retreated like a tortoise into her shell



Straddling a Chair

Most chair straddlers are dominant individuals who will try to take control of other people or groups when they become bored with the conversation, and the back of the chair serves as good protection from any ‘attack’ by other members of the group.

He is often discreet and can slip into the straddle position almost unnoticed

Stand or sit behind him



Picking Imaginary Lint

Person disapproving of the opinions or attitudes of others but feeling constrained in giving his point of view, the non-verbal gestures that show is displacement gestures, that is result from a withheld opinion (Picking imaginary pieces of lintfrom the clothing is a sample)

The lint picker usually looks away from the other people towards the floor while performing this minor, irrelevant action to show this one of the most common signals of disapproval



Neutral Head Position

Person who has a neutral attitudeabout what he is hearing

Head nod (Up and Down) is a positive gesture used in most cultures to signify, ‘Yes’, or affirmation

The headshake (Left and Right) usually means ‘No’



Interested Head Position 1

Head tilted to one side shows that interest has developed

Giving a sales presentation or delivering a speech, always make a point of looking for this gesture among your audience.

When you see them tilt their heads and

lean forward using

hand-to-chin evaluation gestures, you are getting the point across



Interested Head Position 2

Women use this head position to show interest in an attractive male

When others are speaking to you, all you need do is use the head-tilted position and head nods to make the listener feel warm towards you.



Disapproval Down Head Position

The attitude is negative and even judgmental

Critical evaluation clusters are normally made with the head down and, unless you can get the person’s head up or tilted, you may have a communication problem



Both Hands Behind Head Gesture

Professionals as accountants, lawyers, sales managers, bank managers or people who are feeling confident, dominant, or superior about something

‘I have all the answers’

‘Maybe one day you’ll be as smart as I am’,

‘Everything’ s under control’

‘Know-it-all’ individual

People may find it irritating



I am just as smart as you!



Aggressive Ready for Action Gesture

Aggressive pose

Display of fearlessness

Birds fluff their feathers to make themselves appear bigger when they are fighting or courting;

Humans use the hands-on-hips gesture for the same purpose



Seated Readiness 1

One of the most valuable gestures that a negotiator can learn to recognize is seated readiness

In the selling situation if the potential buyer were to take this gesture at the endof the sales presentation and the interview had progressed successfullyup to that point, the sales person could ask for the order and expect to get it



Seated Readiness 2

Whenever the seated readiness gesture followed the chin stroking gesture (decision- making), the client bought

The seated readiness gesture is also taken by the angry person who is ready for something else - to throw you out

The preceding gesture clusters give the correct assessment of the person’s intentions



Starter’s Position

Readiness gestures that signal a desire to end a conversation or encounter are leaning forward

with both hands on both knees, or

with both hands gripping the chair

Would be wise for you to take the lead and terminate it; this allows you to maintain a psychological advantage and to keep the control



Eye Signals

Eyes may well give the most revealing and accurate of all human communication signals because they are a focal point on the body and the pupils work independently

The pupils will dilate or contract as the person’s attitude and mood change from positive to negative and vice versa. When someone becomes excited, his pupils can dilate up to four times their normal size. Conversely, an angry, negative mood causes the pupils to contract to what are commonly known as ‘beady little eyes’ or ‘snake eyes’

Pupil watching was used by the ancient Chinese gem traders who watched for the pupil dilation of their buyers when negotiating prices



Eye Contact

‘Look a person in the eye when you

talk to him’



Eye Contact

‘to build a good rapport with another person, your

gaze should meet his about 60 to 70 percent of

the time’



Eye Signals

Interesting or appealing

Hostile



Eye Signals

Shy or Timid

Cultural Limitations

Dishonest or holding back information



Gaze Behavior

Intimate Gaze Social Gaze Business Gaze



Sideways Glance

Used to communicate either interest or hostility

When it is combined with slightly raised eyebrows or a smile, it communicates interest and is frequently used as a courtship signal

If it is combined with down-turned eyebrows, furrowed brow or the corners of the mouth down-turned, it signals a suspicious, hostile or critical attitude



Eye Block Gesture

Compared to the normal rate of six to eight blinks per minuteduring conversation, the eyelids close and remain closed for a second or longer as the person momentarily wipes you from his mind

If a person feels superior to you, the eye block gesture is combined with the head tilted backwards to give you a long look, commonly known as ‘looking down one’s nose’

When you see an eye block gesture during a conversation, it is a signal that the approach you are using may be causing a negative reaction and that a new tack is needed if effective communication is to take place



Controlling a person’s Gaze



Smoking

One of the displacement activities

While a smoker will cover up his anxiety by smoking, non-smokers perform other rituals such as grooming, nail biting, finger and foot tapping, cufflink adjusting, head scratching, taking a ring off and putting it back on, playing with a tie and demonstrating numerous other gestures that tell us the person needs reassurance

Pipe smokers perform a cleaning, lighting, tapping, filling, packing and puffing ritual with their pipes and this is a very useful way to help relieve tension when they are under pressure

If the smoker lights a cigarette and suddenly extinguishes it earlier than he normally would, he has signaled his decision to terminate the conversation



Cigarette Smokers Attitude

Feeling positive, superior or confident will blow the smoke in an upward direction most of the time

Negative, secretive or suspiciousframe of mind will blow the smoke down and from the corner of the mouth most of the time

Continual tapping of a cigar or cigarette end on the ashtray shows that an inner conflict is taking place and that you may need to reassurethe smoker



Stall

Glasses-in-mouth gesture can be used to stall or delay a decision

Continually taking the glasses offand cleaning the lenses is another method used by glasses wearers to gain time for a decision

Silence is the best tactic in return



Peering Over Glasses

Whoever is on the receiving end of this look may feel as though he is being judged or scrutinized

Looking over the glasses can be a very costly mistake, as the listener inevitably responds to this look with folded arms, crossed leggy and a correspondingly negative attitude



Territorial Gestures

People lean against other people or objects to show a territorial claim to that object or person

Also used as a method of dominance or intimidation when the object being leaned on belongs to someone else



Intimidation or territorial Gesture



Ownership Gestures

Leg-over chair gesture not only signifies the man’s ownership of that particular chair or space, but also signals that customary etiquettes may be relaxed



Carbon Copies and Mirror Images 1



Carbon Copies and Mirror Images 2

This ‘carbon copying’ is a means by which one person tells the other that he is in agreement with his ideas and attitudes

‘As you can see, I think the same as you, so I will copy your posture and gestures’



Body Lowering and Status

Lowering the height of one’s body in front of another person has been used as a means of establishing superior/sub ordinate relationships

Tall people command more authority than short people

There are some circumstances under which lowering the body can be a dominance signal. E.g. where you slouch down and make yourself comfortable in an easy chair in another person’s home while the owner is standing



Body Lowering and Status

Height can also be detrimental to some aspects of one-to-one communication where you need to ‘talk on the same level’ or have an ‘eye-to-eye’ discussion with another person



Pointer Postures

The direction in which a person points his or her torso or feet is a signal of where he or she would prefer to be going

It is noticeable that often in negotiations, when one person has decided to terminatethe negotiation or wants to leave, he will turn his body or swing his feet to point towards the nearest exit

Do something to get the person involved and interested or else terminate the conversation on your terms, which allows you to maintain the control



Pointer Postures Open Formation

The angle at which people orient their bodies also gives many non-verbal clues to their attitudes and relationships.

For example, people in most English speaking countries stand with their bodies oriented to form an angle of 90degrees during ordinary social intercourse.

This also serves as a non-verbal invitation for a third person to join in the conversation by standing at the third point



Pointer Postures Closed Formation

When intimacy or privacy is requiredby two people, the angle formed by their torsos decreases from 90 degrees down to 0 degrees

Both parties may mirror each other’s gestures if they are interested in each other



Pointer Postures

Third Person is welcome and accepted



Pointer Postures

Third Person is not accepted although the two person are looking at him!



Pointer Postures-Seated Body Pointing

Crossing the knees towards another person is a sign of acceptance or interest in that person.



Pointer Postures

Not only do the feet serve aspointers, indicating the directionin which a person would like togo, but they are also used topoint at people who areinteresting or attractive



Pointer Postures



Territories and Zones



Zone Distances



Intimate Zone



Personal Zone and Negative reaction in case of an intruder



Practical Applications of Zone Distances 1

Personal Area (territory) is dependent of the population Lion in a forest in Africa, 60km

Lion in a cage in zoo, 10m

Rural Areas, Urban Areas, Lift

The intrusion of a stranger into intimate zone causesphysiological changes

heart pumps faster,

adrenalin pours into the bloodstream,

blood is pumped to the brain and the muscles

as physical preparations for a possible fight or flight situation



Practical Applications of Zone Distances 2

Police interrogators use territorial invasion techniques to break down the resistance of criminals being questioned

Managers do the same to extract information from subordinates who may be withholding it.

Salesmen should take care not to do this with their customers



Impact of Living Area on Territories!



Interpretation



Being Different



Questions?

Farzin FardissHelping people

Communicate better

Thank You

Body speaks workshop secrets of body language farzin fardiss version september 2010

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Transcript of Body speaks workshop secrets of body language farzin fardiss version september 2010