Authentic Relationships

discover the lost art of “One Anothering”

By Wayne Jacobsen and Clay Jacobsen

Chapter 2

Adapted from:

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

NKJ John 13:34

To love another person is to see the face of God

Les Misérables

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

NKJ John 13:34

To love another person is to see the face of God

Les Misérables

Part 1- Starting InsideChapter 2 - Loving Others Like God Loves YouPart 1- Starting InsideChapter 2 - Loving Others Like God Loves You

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.

NKJ 1 John 4:11,12

Our loving others may be the only “face of God” that they ever see

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.

NKJ 1 John 4:11,12

Our loving others may be the only “face of God” that they ever see

Chapter 2 - Loving Others Like God Loves YouChapter 2 - Loving Others Like God Loves You

• Jesus loved in the singular• Jesus loved in the singular

One at a TimeOne at a Time

• How do you eat an elephant?• One bite at a time!• How do you love a city full of people?• One person at a time!• Actually, we are not commanded to love,

encourage, serve, or share with everyone• We are commanded to love, encourage, serve, or

share with one another

• How do you eat an elephant?• One bite at a time!• How do you love a city full of people?• One person at a time!• Actually, we are not commanded to love,

encourage, serve, or share with everyone• We are commanded to love, encourage, serve, or

share with one another

• Jesus freed us to demonstrate love in the moment, for whoever is before us

• Jesus freed us to demonstrate love in the moment, for whoever is before us

One at a Time (cont.)One at a Time (cont.)

• We will never learn to love others unless we do it one at a time

• To help an individual, we do not have to start a ministry and look for others with the same need

• All we have to do is take the circumstances at hand and do the best for that person

• Jesus has come to us as Love so that we might come to love as Jesus!

• We will never learn to love others unless we do it one at a time

• To help an individual, we do not have to start a ministry and look for others with the same need

• All we have to do is take the circumstances at hand and do the best for that person

• Jesus has come to us as Love so that we might come to love as Jesus!

• It is not about getting love but giving it• It is not about getting love but giving it

Not Getting but GivingNot Getting but Giving

• Jesus did not say to “get love from each other”• He told us to simply “give love to one another”• If we focus on what others can do for us then we

are going to be disappointed• To engage in loving others we must shift the focus

from our wants, agenda, and needs to theirs• God has given us the freedom to not be focused on

ourselves all the time• Jesus spent His ministry following His Father’s

instruction to love those around Him

• Jesus did not say to “get love from each other”• He told us to simply “give love to one another”• If we focus on what others can do for us then we

are going to be disappointed• To engage in loving others we must shift the focus

from our wants, agenda, and needs to theirs• God has given us the freedom to not be focused on

ourselves all the time• Jesus spent His ministry following His Father’s

instruction to love those around Him

We can not do for others what has not already been done for us

We can not do for others what has not already been done for us

Living LovedLiving Loved

• A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. NKJ John 13:34

• "I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. NKJ John 17:23

• We love Him because He first loved us.

NKJ 1 John 4:19

• A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. NKJ John 13:34

• "I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. NKJ John 17:23

• We love Him because He first loved us.

NKJ 1 John 4:19

Living LovedLiving Loved

No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day. NKJ John 6:44

No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day. NKJ John 6:44

NKJ John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

17 "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

18 "He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

Living Loved (cont.)Living Loved (cont.)

And He said, "Therefore I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father." NKJ John 6:65

Without Me you can do nothing. NKJ John 15:5b• We must turn our attention to God realizing He is

the source of every good thing• We must reject the tendency towards self-effort

and self-striving, so that God can bring about real fruit, and so He can work permanent and effective change into our lives

NKJ John 15:5a "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit;

• Before a man can seek God, God must first have sought the man (prevenient grace)

• Before a man can seek God, God must first have sought the man (prevenient grace)

Living Loved (cont.)Living Loved (cont.)

• We can not forgive unless we are experiencing God’s forgiveness

• We can not serve others unless we know God is providing all of our needs

• We cannot live in kindness to others until we see God’s kindness towards us

• “One Anothering” scriptures are less mandates to obey than they are descriptions of what love frees us to do

• We can not forgive unless we are experiencing God’s forgiveness

• We can not serve others unless we know God is providing all of our needs

• We cannot live in kindness to others until we see God’s kindness towards us

• “One Anothering” scriptures are less mandates to obey than they are descriptions of what love frees us to do

• Such love does not begin in the human heart• Such love does not begin in the human heart

Living Loved (cont.)Living Loved (cont.)

• This kind of love only flows from God Himself• God will provide everything you need when you

need it - He is the great I AM!• This security in God’s love is what will free us to

live a “One Anothering” life• The more you experience the reality of God’s

love, the more you will find yourself sharing it• God does not want us to pretend to love others• God wants to set us so free in His love that it

spills from us and touches others

• This kind of love only flows from God Himself• God will provide everything you need when you

need it - He is the great I AM!• This security in God’s love is what will free us to

live a “One Anothering” life• The more you experience the reality of God’s

love, the more you will find yourself sharing it• God does not want us to pretend to love others• God wants to set us so free in His love that it

spills from us and touches others

• How do you see God exemplify “One Anothering” in your life?

• How do you see God exemplify “One Anothering” in your life?

Living Loved (cont.)Living Loved (cont.)

• Ask God to show you how He has “One Anothered” you in the past

• Ask God to show you how He has “One Anothered” you in the past

• Realize we treat others the way we perceive God treats us (Psalms 115:4-8)– If you believe God is judgmental with your sins then

you will be judgmental of others

– If you believe God is impatient with your weaknesses then you will be impatient with others

– If you believe God is uninvolved in your pain then you will be uninvolved with others

• Realize we treat others the way we perceive God treats us (Psalms 115:4-8)– If you believe God is judgmental with your sins then

you will be judgmental of others

– If you believe God is impatient with your weaknesses then you will be impatient with others

– If you believe God is uninvolved in your pain then you will be uninvolved with others

• NAS John 14:15 "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.?

• NAS John 14:15 "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.?

Living Loved (cont.)Living Loved (cont.)

• What do you hear this verse saying?– A - I can prove my love for Jesus by keeping

His commandments– B - If I am “head over heels” in love with

Jesus then I will naturally keep His commandments

• A - is legalism (i.e., performing to earn God’s pleasure)

• B - is grace (performing out of gratitude)

• What do you hear this verse saying?– A - I can prove my love for Jesus by keeping

His commandments– B - If I am “head over heels” in love with

Jesus then I will naturally keep His commandments

• A - is legalism (i.e., performing to earn God’s pleasure)

• B - is grace (performing out of gratitude)

Living Loved (cont.)Living Loved (cont.)

NKJ Revelation 2:1 "To the angel of the church of Ephesus write, ' These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands:

2 "I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars;

3 "and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name's sake and have not become weary.

4 "Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.

5 "Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place -- unless you repent.

• The church at Ephesus originally performed works because they were “head over heals” in love with Jesus - to bring Him pleasure!

• The church at Ephesus originally performed works because they were “head over heals” in love with Jesus - to bring Him pleasure!

Living Loved (cont.)Living Loved (cont.)

• Then they left their first love and started doing the works to try and earn Jesus’ pleasure

• Jesus said they needed to go back to being “head over heals” in love with Him as the motive for their works

• Remember, good works are motivated out of love and dead works are motivated by the desire to please or earn acceptance

• Then they left their first love and started doing the works to try and earn Jesus’ pleasure

• Jesus said they needed to go back to being “head over heals” in love with Him as the motive for their works

• Remember, good works are motivated out of love and dead works are motivated by the desire to please or earn acceptance

• Living in God’s love is the first step to “One Anothering”

• Living in God’s love is the first step to “One Anothering”

Living Loved (cont.)Living Loved (cont.)

• If living in His love does not occur first, then the process will wear you out with self-generated good works (the Bible calls these dead works) that will not bear the fruit of the kingdom– Good works are those done in God’s ability

– Dead works are those done in our ability

• “One Anothering” is not to be a chore but rather the joy of sharing God’s life with His people and the world

• It really boils down to our motive for doing

• If living in His love does not occur first, then the process will wear you out with self-generated good works (the Bible calls these dead works) that will not bear the fruit of the kingdom– Good works are those done in God’s ability

– Dead works are those done in our ability

• “One Anothering” is not to be a chore but rather the joy of sharing God’s life with His people and the world

• It really boils down to our motive for doing

• There are two fruits to “One Anothering”• There are two fruits to “One Anothering”

The Fruits of One AnotheringThe Fruits of One Anothering

• First, it demonstrates the reality of Jesus to a world that cannot see Him

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

NKJ John 13:35

• First, it demonstrates the reality of Jesus to a world that cannot see Him

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

NKJ John 13:35

The Fruits of One AnotheringThe Fruits of One Anothering

• Second, it is the only way to know the fullness of Jesus’ joy

NKJ John 15:8 "By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.

9 " As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.

10 "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love.

11 "These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.

12 "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

• A self centered life is its own punishment• A self centered life is its own punishment

The Fruits of One Anothering (cont.)The Fruits of One Anothering (cont.)

• Expecting and demanding from others only results in stress, disappointment, and despair

• Captured by the reality of the love of God we are freed to focus on others rather than on ourselves

• Focusing on others is where we find the joy of deep and abiding friendships

• God designed it so that right relationships are the surest way to find fulfillment and freedom

• Expecting and demanding from others only results in stress, disappointment, and despair

• Captured by the reality of the love of God we are freed to focus on others rather than on ourselves

• Focusing on others is where we find the joy of deep and abiding friendships

• God designed it so that right relationships are the surest way to find fulfillment and freedom

• The ultimate “One Anothering” Scripture – LOVE ONE ANOTHER John 13:34b

• The ultimate “One Anothering” Scripture – LOVE ONE ANOTHER John 13:34b

The Greatest is LoveThe Greatest is Love

• All the “One Anothering” Scriptures are expressions of how we let God’s love live out through us

• They show us how to express that love and expose to us the deepest treasures of what it means to be part of God’s family

• NKJ 1 Timothy 1:5 Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith,

• All the “One Anothering” Scriptures are expressions of how we let God’s love live out through us

• They show us how to express that love and expose to us the deepest treasures of what it means to be part of God’s family

• NKJ 1 Timothy 1:5 Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith,

Love is PatientLove is Patient

Patience is the ability to wait. This is the normal attitude of Love; Love passive; Love waiting to begin; not in a hurry; calm; ready to do its work when the summons comes but meantime wearing the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. For Love understands, and therefore waits even with people that are not rich, influential or powerful. It does not rush people but rather gives them time to grow.

Love is KindLove is Kind

Love active. Think about how much of Christ’s life was spent in doing kind things – in merely doing kind things! God has put in our power the happiness of those about us, and that is largely to be secured by our being kind to them. One of the greatest things a man can do for his Heavenly Father is to be kind to some of His other children. Kindness is the quality of being warm-hearted, considerate, humane and sympathetic. However, kindness has the toughness to confront others with their shortcomings and helps them overcome them.

Love is not EnviousLove is not EnviousLove is not envious. This is Love even when in competition with others. Whenever you attempt a good work you will find others doing the same kind of work, and probably doing it better. Envy them not. Envy is a feeling of ill will to those who are in the same line as us, a spirit of covetousness and detraction. Love is generous in its opinion of others. It enjoys the success of others! If you only enjoy recognized personal successes then you will feel rejected much of the time. It remembers that in the world we can not control how others will respond to us but we can control how we respond to others.

Love does not boast is not puffed upLove does not boast is not puffed up

To put a seal on your lips and forget what you have done. After you have been kind, after Love has stolen forth into the world and done its beautiful work, go back into the shade again and say nothing about it. Love hides even from itself. Love waives even self-satisfaction. It is humble in relationships with others. It is not on an ego or power trip. It remembers that leadership is serving others. Love does not boast is not puffed up.

Love does not behave rudelyLove does not behave rudely

Love is courteous with good manners. This is Love in society, Love in relation to etiquette, Love in little things. The secret of politeness is to Love. Love cannot behave itself unseemly. Love is courteous. Love is friendly. Love has good manners. It treats other with dignity even if they do not seem to deserve it.

Love does not seek even that which is her ownLove does not seek even that which is her own

Love is unselfish and selfless. This is the giving up of not just our rights but of ourselves. To be abandoned to God’s will and purpose for our lives. Remember that there is no greatness in things – greatness is only found in unselfish love. There is no happiness in having, or in getting, but only in giving – for Life consists of giving and serving.

Love is not easily provokedLove is not easily provokedIll temper is the vice of the virtuous. The one blot on an otherwise noble character is to be easily ruffled, quick-tempered, or have a touchy disposition. An evil temper can cause the name of Christ to suffer more than vice, worldliness, greed, or even drunkenness. Temper is significant in not only what it is but even more so in what it reveals. Temper is the symptom of a lack of Christ conformity within our souls. However, souls are not made sweet by taking the acid out but rather by putting the Spirit of Christ within. Love is even-tempered even with less powerful, rich or influential people.

Love thinks no evilLove thinks no evil

Love is guileless. Guilelessness is the grace for suspicious people. Love imputes no ill motive, sees the bright side, and puts the best construction on every action. Love believes in others knowing this is what helps others to believe in themselves. Love believes the best in others giving the benefit of the doubt.

Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truthLove does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth

Love is sincere. The self-restraint which refuses to take advantage of the faults of others. The Love which delights not in exposing the weakness of others, but covers them like a medicated bandage over a wound. The sincerity of purpose which endeavors to see things as they are, and rejoices to find them better than suspicion feared or slander denounced. It gets not pleasure out of the shortcomings or failures of others. Love embraces those that fail and it builds up those who have been hurt. It finds no room for racism or sexism. It is not full of hypocrisy or dishonesty.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never failsLove bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails

Love quietly covers all things. Love does not give up for the Battle is the Lords. Love perseveres!

Loving one another (John 13:34)

Forgiving one another (Ephesians 4:32)

Accepting one another (Romans 15:7)

Bearing with one another (Ephesians 4:2)

Being devoted to one another (Romans 12:10)

Honoring one another above ourselves (Romans 12:10)

Greeting one another (2 Corinthians 13:12)

Being hospitable to one another (1Peter 4:9)

Being kind and compassionate to one another (Eph. 4:32)

Sharing with one another (Hebrews 13:16)

One AnotheringOne Anothering

HomeworkHomework

• Read Part 1, Chapter 3– A Soft Place to Fall

• Go to the Web Address below and take the assessmenthttp://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

Return next week with your top two love languages• Words of Affirmation

• Receiving Gifts

• Quality Time

• Acts of Service

• Physical Touch

• “Pray the Word” Daily

• Read Part 1, Chapter 3– A Soft Place to Fall

• Go to the Web Address below and take the assessmenthttp://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

Return next week with your top two love languages• Words of Affirmation

• Receiving Gifts

• Quality Time

• Acts of Service

• Physical Touch

• “Pray the Word” Daily

Pray the Word (Ephesians 3:14-21)Pray the Word (Ephesians 3:14-21)

I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, I ask that He would grant us, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Holy Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith; that we, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that we may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, I ask that He would grant us, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Holy Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith; that we, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that we may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Discussion QuestionsDiscussion Questions

• Turn to page 33• Turn to page 33

For Additional ResourcesFor Additional Resources

• Wayne Jacobsen• Lifestream http://www.lifestream.org

• Wayne Jacobsen• Lifestream http://www.lifestream.org