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Over-‐Scheduled Kids: How Much is too Much? By Kendra M. Thornton, PCC-‐S
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In 1939, a Childhood Education report complained about the decline in leisure caused by an increase in organized activities. In 1981, more than 30 years ago, the same message was repeated when David Elkind published his book, The Hurried Child (Vanderkam, 2009). Over-‐scheduled kids are by no means a new issue. Studies have shown sharp declines in the number of conversations that children have with family members, the number of family dinners shared, and the amount of free time for connecting (Doherty, 2010). The amount of time that children spend playing and on unstructured outdoor activities is on average 12 hours less a week than children spent 20 years ago; while the amount of time children spend involved in structured sports has doubled over this same period (Rosenfeld, 2001). If a child starts playing basketball at an early age, he or she will have played between 300 and 500 games by the time they are 14. Research also shows that 70% of kids abandon their predominant sport by the age of 13 (Bigelow, 2001). Our kids are burning out, emotionally and physically.
Today’s children are under considerable pressure to achieve and be competitive. Some stress is healthy because it keeps individuals motivated; however, the stress individual’s feel when they confront the normal challenges of life is very different from the distress that occurs when they feel overwhelmed (Elkins, 2003). I recently counseled a sixth grade student who planned to start an afterschool club because it would look good on her resume when applying to college. This mindset is not without repercussion. Rates of depression and anxiety in American
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children and adolescents have increased over the last fifty years Today five to eight times as many high school and college students meet the criteria for diagnosis of major depression and/or an anxiety disorder compared to half a century ago (Gray, 2010). According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, a division of the U.S Department of Health and Human Services, anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and disruptive disorders (such as ADHD) are the most common mental disorders among children affecting approximately 13% of children aged 9 to 17.
Over-‐scheduled kids miss out on important childhood experiences. First is the lack of time to play in a natural, creative way. Unstructured play allows children to pursue their interests, express their personalities, and explore ideas in depth. This type of play fosters a sense of self-‐awareness. Everyone, regardless of age, needs time to read, write, think, dream, build, create, and fantasize. Hectic schedules can adversely affect family relationships. Children need downtime with parents to relax, talk, play games and just hang out. Extended-‐family relationships may also suffer when lives are over-‐scheduled which deprives kids of a network of social support (Elkins, 2003).
Most parents have good intentions, enrolling their children in a plethora of activities because they want them to have a happy childhood. Parents sacrifice their own time to make sure their children are at practices and competitions. The last thing they want for their children is to feel stressed. Often the healthiest form of parenting consists of an equal balance of nurturing and limit setting. This is where feelings of safety and
“Today’s children are under considerable pressure to achieve and be competitive. Some stress is healthy because it keeps individuals motivated; however, the stress individual’s feel when they confront the normal challenges of life is very different from the distress that occurs when they feel overwhelmed.”
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security are rooted. At what point do parents become guilty of too much extraordinary and not enough ordinary? Kids can be good students, good athletes, good at art, or good looking, and still have low self-‐esteem if they do not have nurturing parents and limits set at home. Being the best player on the team does not guarantee a child’s positive self-‐image (Bisenius, 2011).
The number one factor in keeping children emotionally healthy, drug/alcohol free and out of trouble is the amount of time that they spend with their families (Doherty, 2010). What children need most are relationships, not constant stimulation. We must focus on building meaningful relationships with our children, not becoming their chauffeur (Rosenfeld, 2001). We need to spend time with our children with no goal in mind beyond the pleasure of spending time together. This is confirmation that we cherish and value them.
To be clear, I am not trying to discount the benefits of extracurricular activities, which have many positive consequences. Being part of a team builds relationship skills, accountability to commitments and fosters time-‐management. Kids who are involved show higher levels of academic performance, more involvement with school, fewer behavior problems and lower likelihood of taking drugs (Doherty, 2010). Plus, it looks great on college applications.
However, it is unrealistic to think that society will have an epiphany and suddenly realize the importance of stopping to smell the roses, so it is on us to help children figure out how to balance their commitments successfully. Juggling a busy school and activities schedule requires a variety of skills including resisting distractions, efficient and effective planning, estimating time needed for task completion, and managing multiple responsibilities simultaneously. These higher-‐order thinking skills are known as executive functions and the responsibility of the prefrontal cortex. Unfortunately, the expectation of mastery of these skills is inappropriate because this area of the brain is not fully developed in children and teens. In addition, these skills do not exist automatically in all children meaning they must be taught and practiced consistently (Jensen, 2005). Maturation of the frontal lobe is a slow process and may not be complete until as late as age 25 to 30.
Until frontal lobe development is complete, kids need parent support with executive functions. As counselors, it is our job to help parents understand this, but more importantly, give them suggestions about how to support their children. Encourage parents to talk to kids about breaking down tasks into smaller steps. Parents need to be sure children write down ideas and plans, even if they promise they will remember. Counselors can direct parents to always discuss potential problems and solutions before they occur. Parents and children need to have reasonable expectations and not do too much in one day. This will ensure that empty spaces of time are left for processing. Have parents do a self-‐evaluation periodically during which they stop and ask themselves if they are providing their kids with appropriate levels of routine and meeting their needs for practice and repetition. Most importantly, work with parents to show the power of positive reinforcement when they reward and praise successes. We all know parents of over-‐scheduled kids because they are the parents of the kids we counsel every day. You may even struggle with this in your own home. What do we do about it? Offer the families you work with these suggestions: • Set priorities: School should come first. If kids have a hard time keeping up academically, they may need to drop an
activity. Experts recommend that each child be involved in no more than one or two activities at a time (Bigelow, 2001). If your child really wants to take on another activity, discuss what other activity or activities need to be dropped to make room for the new one. Discuss how much time is required. Will homework suffer? Does your child realize that soccer practice is daily, plus the weekend games?
• Create family time: Plan at least one evening a week where everyone is expected to be home for dinner at the same time, even if it means eating takeout together. Schedule family fun time, too, such as playing a board game or going on a bike ride.
• Keep a calendar to stay organized: Display it on the refrigerator or other prominent spot so that everybody can stay up-‐to-‐date. If you find an empty space on the calendar, leave it alone! Downtime is important. Everyone needs a chance to relax, reflect on the day, or just do nothing.
• Model self-‐care for your children: Children are not necessarily stressed by the number of activities they are in, but rather from the amount of stress that parents are experiencing by orchestrating these activities. Take time for yourself to do the things you enjoy. You will feel “recharged.”
Kendra Thornton is a school counselor at The Summit Country Day School in Cincinnati and a volunteer for the Red Cross Disaster Mental Health Services Team. She can be reached at [email protected].