30 POEMS

Pravasan Pillay

Published by Tearoom Books 2015Stockholm, Sweden

30 Poems© Pravasan Pillay

Cover and graphic design by Jenny Kellerman Pillay

Some of these poems have previously appeared inCarapace, Donga, Green Dragon, Litnet, and New Coin.

Contents

Can I get a witness?.................................7Letter box ..............................................8The magnificents ....................................9Beached...............................................10A poet’s worry ......................................11outside the willowvale ............................12Tremor................................................14Folding handkerchiefs for a stranger ........15Come on now missy ...............................16The pavement is lonely ...........................17I perfume my regret ...............................18Early yawning ......................................20Freeway ...............................................21Pension ................................................22Backseat, Umgeni .................................23I used to smoke too much ........................24Short cuts .............................................25Set this house right ................................26

Heartburn ...........................................27To cup your breasts ...............................28A ribbon for second place ......................30 She’ll fit in ...........................................31Durban nights (will kill you) ..................32Ventilation ..........................................34The gloomy one they’re all waiting for .....35Premises ..............................................36An epitaph from Mobeni Cemetery .........37I married a goose ..................................38Others .................................................40I’m sorry I faded ...................................41

We are not parted, Jessica –Not yet.I am still hoola-hooping in your wedding ring.

– Not Parted, Julius Chingono

Can I get a witness?

You say call you whenI’m sober but calling you whenI’m sober is what got mein this mess.

7

Letter box

Father’s Day wascreated by thecard companieshe saidshutting the emptyletter box.It’s all commercialhe lectured to a deserted street.

8

The magnificents

A car full of factory womenon a work dayrejoiced.We chased aftermotorcades of house-coatsthrowing dandelions upsmoking exhaustpipes. From behind tinted windowsthey kissed tiny love-noteson the backs of wage packetsto allwho stood in their breeze. These magnificentsdrove through stopstreets.

9

Beached

The young couple lounge on the beachlaughing discreetly at the gut of themiddle-aged x.“Promise me never that.”“I don’t see it happening,” he replies,reaching for the ring.

10

A poet’s worry

I find that when I do not think of myself,I do not think at all – Jules Renard

Hypothetically,if we were to achievethis saltutopia whatwouldbecomeof my poems?

11

outside the willowvale

outside the willowvalenear umbilounderneath a treei fall with you againa strand of hair in a booklaughterrollingslowshall we exchange hesitant poetry?sneak me another glass hide it beneath the roots there where it hugs the tardaring a drunken afrikaner sings songs

12

spits into the micdance now it’s darkyou leadi follow this slouched hearti ate a warm apple while I waited for youdurban dust settling over mei talk with folks to pass the time

13

Tremor

He keeps silentto watch your lipsto listenfor tremors in yoursyllables.He wants to pick yourvoicein a crowded placeand stammer:“Ah it’s you.”

14

Folding handkerchiefs for a stranger

She lines cornersmind elsewhere.In her mouth a ball of cottonthat she shapes with her tongue. She knows he won’t notice this editing this pruning. Her warm breath so close.

15

Come on now missy

Come on now missyI circle twist outside your gate.Windspilled wine.Music will be the death of me.I had so many plans.

16

The pavement is lonely

The pavement is not as welcomingas he thought it’d be whenhe said: “You keep the house, and I, my dignity.”

17

I perfume my regret

It just so happens that I perfume myregret.The rare scent of missed opportunitiestickles my nostrils.I have been known to jasmine my chanceswith handfuls of camphor.I’ve stayed up nightsto bottle the fine spray of lost oceansin underground distilleries offorgetfulness.My dry china heart is lotioned with the milkof a thousand bleeding paw paws.Those cast stones of youthbrought forth the stickiness of today.I spent my past in another countrygathering the petrified seeds and petals

18

of herbs and flowersin gardens of never could be.My past-time is permutationsmutations.The more infinite the better.I am erect at the wordremember.The very scent of it.

19

Early yawning

They’re at the stage whereeven a yawn is touching.Neverthelessit’s not yet nineand she worries for thefuture.

20

Freeway

the freeway is anythingbut

21

Pension

Sitting in the backyardwatching her dry theclotheshe forgets about the short skirts at the stopand decides on thatpension plan.

22

Backseat, Umgeni

The steering lockis lodged in the smallof her back.That, she remindshim, will be theironly precaution.

23

I used to smoke too much

I used to smoke too much, sometimes thirty,forty cigarettes a day.Then I devised a strategy to stop.I would imagine that the cigarette was my cock.

Do you really want to do this, I wouldask myself, flame poised over tobacco tip.Do you really want every intake of breath to mean an incrementally smaller member?

This, in a roundabout way, is my explanation of how I stopped smoking cigarettes andbegan smoking telephone poles.

24

Short cuts

She owned a specialcompassthat pointed the wayto Hell.Like Columbus thisgirl believed in short cuts.

25

Set this house right

Six o’ clock abandons him standing at thestopmouthing things to say.At the houseshe sets dinner matsperfectly parallel. Each thinking of tomorrow.

26

Heartburn

It ain’t right to split with meafter a chickentikka.

27

To cup your breasts

My stekie,tonight,to cup your breasts in my handswould be a wonderful thing. To spend these hours before dawndeciphering the mystic Brailleof your dark areola, such enlightenment. Resting my thoughts in the ample hollowof your shoulders,having our hands meet at your apex.Ja!Tonight, to discover a scar on your backwould be a tender delight.

28

Tonight,all that I will needis to shape my hands around your self.The curve of your belly becomes a miracletonight.My stekie, listen,let us leave tomorrow for tomorrow. For now,a neat harmony of beingswe will formwhen my distant hand falls asleepon you.

29

A ribbon for second place

He doesn’t want to talk toyouand she won’t give me the time.It seems thehour for compromise.

30

She’ll fit in

She wants to impress his parentsandthat involves leaving him behind.

31

Durban nights (will kill you)

alone at a bar counter, static on the radiopeeling labels with old man hands yet none to applaud or kiss the barmaid has lost interest in youand talks to the cook sharing wonderful jokes that you strain to hearand whispering when they spot youyou stack your coins and order another and she smirks at the five-cent pieces as you hide your filthy nails underneath last week’s classifieds you rest your ear on the counterto listen for sirens and woodborers as the stool nearby is dragged too loud and your head spins and spins

32

“i got your message. it’s monday you know.” “i’m not feeling right.” “what’s wrong?” “things.” “okay let’s talk.” “what about your work?” “it’s night now.”

33

Ventilation

With a tired walk he shows her the house.“There’s no ventilation,” she announces. He agrees.Later, alone: “Since when do you breathe.”

34

The gloomy one they’re all waiting for

Wash his hair in the kitchen sinkbetween yesterday’s dishes.You’ve been telling the walls all he’s fit foris staring down drainsso get the soap out thecupboard.

35

Premises

One day I will endand abandon the premises, etcetera.

36

An epitaph from Mobeni Cemetery

Her true passionlay inhoweversand indeed herweekendswere devoted to them.

37

I married a goose

I married a gooseAnd lived in a pondPeople did frownAbout our bond

We got no peaceIn my hometownRan to the cityGot hounded around

People were cruelSpat in my faceSaid I should stickTo my own race

People will sayYou should live your lifeWhat business of theirsWho I take as a wife

38

If they grew feathersIf they grew a beakThen maybe from themA wife I would seek

39

Others

You will be freewhen the worldis devoid ofothers. Until thenI suggest manners.

40

I’m sorry I faded

The last time you saw meI had a hickie onmy neck andyou slapped mebut that was yearsago and nowyou’re just standingthere in your saritelling me how much you likemy tie.Don’t the old deserve slaps?

41

Pravasan Pillay has published a chapbook of poetry, Glumlazi (2009), and a collection of

co-written comedic short stories, Shaggy (2013).

also by tearoom books

Glumlazi by Pravasan PillayKnock Knock Jokes Pertaining to Common Human

Ailments by Pravasan PillayRomancing the Dead by Gary Cummiskey

Reader Digest: Poetry and Recipes eds. Pravasan Pillay and Victoria Williams

Loop #1, Loop #2I Remain Indoors by Gary Cummiskey