Coaching is harder than it looks, and easier than you think!

Tom Wymore

Coaching Definition

Coaching is a relationship based process that uses a set of listening-centered skills to draw out God's best in people by raising their sense of expectation, increasing their awareness of what's really happening and building their sense of responsibility.

Coach: Mentor, Sponsor or Counselor?

Understanding the difference enables us to be intentional about Coaching

• “A Mentor goes before and pours in” • Mentoring requires expertise in the area being

mentored

• “A Coach stands beside and draws out” • Coaching requires Coaching skills but not

expertise

• “A Sponsor stands behind and puts forward”• A Sponsor creates opportunity and challenges

initiative

How is Coaching different from counseling?

• Mainly in its orientation. Coaching is primarily oriented towards…

• Future rather than the Past

• Strengths rather than Weaknesses

• Potential rather than just Problems

Coaching works when…

• A coachable challenge exists

• A coach is as committed to the process as they are to the person

• A coachee is as committed to the process as they are to the result

Essential Coaching Skills

Skill #1

The first “skill” to keep in mind is Coaching’s goal, which is to build three things…

Expectation

Awareness

Responsibility

Skill # 2

• The second skill is to choose a model, pattern, process or cycle to guide your interaction (we have a long list of models. All contain a few essentials)

• G.R.O.W• 5 R’s• Kolb’s experiential learning model• O.S.K.A.R• A.R.R.O.W.• A.C.H.I.E.V.E

O.S.K.A.R.solution focused coaching

Outcome

Scaling

Know-how & Resources

Affirm & Action

Review

ARROW

• The next coaching model is known as the coaching ARROW as discussed by Matt Somers. The coaching ARROW is defined as:

• Aims• Reality • Reflection• Options’• Way forward

A.C.H.I.E.V.E.

• the ACHIEVE model of Dembkowski and Eldridge.

• Assess current situation• Creative brainstorming of alternatives to

current situation• Hone goals• Initiate options• Evaluate options• Valid action program design• Encourage momentum

Coaching Process

Review

Relate

Reflect Refocus

Resource

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 3

Coaching Appointment

Clarify Action Steps

Celebrate and Evaluate

Listen and Ask Questions

CrystallizeKey Issues

What skills are needed to build:

Expectation

Awareness

Responsibility

Listening skills

• “I know that you think you understand what you heard me say, but I’m not sure you realize that what I said was not what I meant.”

-- Unknown

Listening is supported by two other primary skills…

• Asking Questions, and

• Giving Feedback

Core of the Coaching process

Ask,

Feedback,

Listen,

Feedback,

Ask,

Listen,

Feedback, etc.

“There are two aspects of listening in coaching. One is attention, or awareness. It is the receiving of information through what we hear with our ears, of course, but it is also listening with all the senses and with our intuition.

The second aspect is what we do with our listening. We call this the impact of our listening—specifically the impact of the coach’s listening on the client. As an experienced coach, you need to be conscious not only of your listening, but of the impact you have when you act on your listening.”

CO-ACTIVE COACHING, pp. 32 & 33

Use Discovery Listening!

• Summarize periodically – Without interpreting – Without evaluating

• Invite to say more– “What else?”– “Tell me more.”

• Unpack fully before giving your input

Effective Questions

1. are easy to understand2. can be answered briefly3. require thought [don’t be afraid of

silence]4. encourage disclosure5. are open-ended [ i.e., they don’t allow for

one-word answers ]6. flow out of the Coachee’s previous

statements7. “What” and “How” questions are to be

preferred over “Why” questions

Providing clear& frequent feedback

1. Restate “What I think I hear you saying is…” 2. Clarify “Here’s what I am hearing… Is that

correct?”3. Get a larger perspective “Let’s step back from

this and look at it from farther away.”4. Illustrate “This sounds like you are…”5. Acknowledge “You certainly took a big risk”6. Summarize “Let me recap what I have heard so

far.”

Refining Listening Skills

Keys to Listening Well…

1. Be Self-Aware

2. Be Self-Monitoring

3. Don’t answer your own questions!

4. Watch out for tendencies to tell stories

Refining Listening SkillsMore Principles for Good Listening…1. Believe in the power of listening2. Don’t allow yourself to become distracted3. Avoid passing judgment on what you are

hearing4. Demonstrate focus via eye contact and your

body language5. Encourage the one speaking to keep saying

more6. Feedback and questions both support and

grow out of the coach’s careful listening!7. Don’t be thinking of solutions or suggestions

while they are talking

Skill # 3

Three Levels of Listening1. Internal Listening• Listening to the words instead of the

other person with the focus on what it means to me

• Assessments, judgments, discernment and analysis are going on in my head

• The impact is on me – my own thinking and clarity. I am wondering what to say next. This does not lead to insights about the other person

Skill # 3

Three Levels of Listening• Focused Listening• Listening for understanding – what is

behind the words (values, qualities)• Attention is with the other person – being

more open and intuitive• Acting like a mirror – being reflective

about what is seen and heard

Skill # 3

Three Levels of Listening

1. Expansive Listening

• Being fully present and feeling free to explore possibilities

• Listening with all my senses

• Noticing whatever wants to be noticed and offering it to the other person without attachment

Think about it!!!

Identify 3 ways you are “listening challenged” - write them down

What solutions could you use to address your listening challenges?

Share your “listening challenges” and solutions with a partner.

Refining Question-Asking Skills

• What constitutes a good question? • Which of these would be good Coaching

questions? Why?

1. “Why are you not watching the ball?”

2. “Are you watching the ball?”

3. “Which way is the ball spinning as it comes toward you?”

4. “How high is it…as it crosses the net?”

Good Questions Will Help…

1. Bring Clarity

2. Expand Horizons

3. Explore Viewpoints and Options

4. Increase Awareness

5. Focus Priorities

6. Promote Action

Some Helpful Hints

• resist the temptation to fix things• Ask them to restate your comments

to help ensure understanding• Avoid leading questions • Don’t be thinking of the next

question while they are talking — this means you’re not listening!

• Try “Curious Questions”

INFORMATION GATHERING

CURIOUS

What topics will you include in the report?

What will finishing the report give you?

How much exercise do you need each week?

What would “being fit” look like for you?

What are the training options available?

What do you want to know that you don’t know today?

Use Curious Questions

The Purpose of Good Questions

Good questions raise awareness– Awareness is knowing what is happening

around you– Self-awareness is knowing what you are

experiencing.

Good questions result in people taking responsibility– Responsibility is ownership of the experience– Responsibility is ownership of the learning

Structuring Good Questions

• The wording of the question determines the wording of the answer.– The actual framing of a question

demands a coaches time, energy, and careful preplanning. 

Structuring Good Questions

• The question must be designed with the other person in mind.– People tend to ask questions as if they

were to answer them themselves.– Remember that the language, the word

choice, and the direction of thought are for the sake of the one who must answer.

Characteristics of Good Questions

• PERSONAL

• CONSTRUCTIVE

• SINGLE-SPECIFIC

• SELECTIVE

• CLEAR AND BRIEF

• CONCRETE

Characteristics of Good Questions

• PERSONAL: Pronouns such as "you," "our," or "we" would be used.

• The pronouns used in the question will assist a person in taking responsibility.

Characteristics of Good Questions

• CONSTRUCTIVE: A question that elicits a positive, creative response. – A question, which asks for the "most

important improvement," is worth much more than one which asks for "our biggest weakness."

Characteristics of Good Questions

• SINGLE-SPECIFIC: Avoid any questions that split the focus of attention. Keep the sentences clear and to the point.

Characteristics of Good Questions

• SELECTIVE: Words like "one" and "best" and "most important" will help a person dip into his/her storehouse of information and come up with his/her best.

Characteristics of Good Questions

• CLEAR AND BRIEF: Few people have the ability to hear a complex question, translate it into their own thinking and hold it in their memories.

• When complexity overwhelms them, they tend to give up, or become confused or frustrated.

• A clear, concise question in the ‘language’ of the listener is the key link to a clear and concise answer.

Characteristics of Good Questions

• CONCRETE: – ask concrete operational questions

(think about a grade five student)– Use care when asking questions

requiring abstract thought– avoid hypothetical questions

• Hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers

Feedback is Crucial

1. Positive

2. Accurate

3. Clear and Continuing

4. Positive

THE ULTIMATE COACHING VERSE

• My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” JAMES 1.9 [NLT]

Coaching Process

Review

Relate

Reflect Refocus

Resource

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 3

Relate

• Establish coaching relationship and overall agenda.

• Key Ideas:– Trust– Clear purpose

• “How can I help you?”

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4

Relate: establish coaching relationship and agenda

• How are you doing?

• Where are you now?

• How can I be praying for you?

• What do you want to address?

• How can we work together?

Reflect

• Discover and explore key issues

• Key Ideas:– Interrogate reality

• Identify the “big rocks”

• “What needs to be addressed?”

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4

Reflect:discover and explore key issues

• What can we celebrate?

• What’s really important?

• What obstacles are you facing?

• Where do you want to go?

• How committed are you?

Refocus

• Determine priorities and action steps

• Key Ideas:– Bifocal vision– Action planning

• “What will you do?”

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4

Refocus: determine priorities and action steps

• What do you want to accomplish?• What are possible ways to get there?• Which path will you choose?• What will you do?

- who, what, where, when, how

• How will you measure your progress?

Resource

• Provide support and encouragement

• Key Ideas:– What do you have?– What do you need?

• “How can you move forward?”

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4

Resource: provide support and encouragement

• What resources do you already have to accomplish your goals?- people, finances, knowledge, etc.

• What resources will you need?

• What resources are missing?

• Where will you find resources you need?

• What can I do to support you?

Review

• Evaluate, celebrate, and revise plans

• Key Ideas:– Look back on progress– Learn from experience– Determine what’s next

• “What can we celebrate?"

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4

Review: evaluate, celebrate, and revise plans

• What's working?

• What’s not working (or didn’t work)?

• What are you learning?

• What needs to change?

• What further training would be helpful?

• What's next in our coaching relationship?

RELATE

Unit 1 (30 minutes)

Page 7

Coaching 101 Handbook

• Summarize periodically – Without interpreting – Without evaluating

• Invite to say more– “What else?”– “Tell me more.”

• Unpack fully before giving your input

Use Discovery Listening!

Coaching 101 Handbook – Page 6 (blank page)

Key Actions: RELATE

• Coaching relationship and process defined.• Compatibility of coach and leader assessed.• Rapport and mutual respect established.• Trusting relationship begun.• Coaching agenda and guidelines

determined.

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 13

Evaluation

• What appeared to be happening with each person during the conversation?

• What was the dynamic of energy?

• How did the body language change?

• How did questions work to uncover deeper reflection?

REFLECT

Unit 2 (60 minutes)

Page 21

Coaching 101 Handbook

Key Actions: REFLECT

• Deeper understanding of key issues gained.

• Issues sorted by importance/urgency.

• Priority issues identified and agreed upon.

• Commitment to address issues obtained.

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 25

Reflect Tools

• What God Has Called You To Do• Priority Clarification• Balancing Personal Roles and Priorities • Ministry Evaluation• Understanding Key Issues

Coaching 101 Handbook – Pages 26-31

REFOCUS

Unit 3 (40 minutes)

page 35 in the

Coaching 101 Handbook

Coaching 101 Handbook

The key to increasing coaching effectiveness…

…is preparation before the session!

Key Actions: REFOCUS

• Vision clarified• Possible solutions brainstormed• Decisions made according to priorities.• Commitment to action confirmed• Change dynamics considered• Action steps determined and timeline

developed• Accountability structure agreed upon

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 41

Think about it…

• Who do you want to invest in?

• How can you prioritize coaching in your schedule?

• What will you stop doing to free up time and energy to focus?

RESOURCE and REVIEW

Unit 4 (75 minutes)

Resource - Page 49

Review -

Coaching 101 Handbook

Abundance or scarcity?

• God provides all that we need to do what God has called us to do.

• Our mindset is very important – abundance mentality vs. scarcity mentality

• Perspective: If God wants you to do something, then God has already provided what you need to get started.

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 48

Key Actions: RESOURCE

• Existing resources assessed• All resource needs brainstormed• New resource(s) identified to accomplish

goals• Where and how to find new resources

determined• Role of coach clarified and confirmed

(pg.54)

REVIEW

Page 59

Coaching 101 Handbook

Key Actions: REVIEW

• Action plan and process evaluated

• Progress celebrated

• Learning maximized

• Midcourse corrections made

• New projects identified

• Coaching relationship evaluated

• Pray together – provide spiritual encouragement and prayer

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 65

Coaching Process

Review

Relate

Reflect Refocus

Resource

Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 3

Coaching Appointment

Clarify Action Steps

Celebrate and Evaluate

Listen and Ask Questions

CrystallizeKey Issues