Attending to Matters of the heart

Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions

Attending to matters of the heart

Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions

Attending to matters of the heart

Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions

Attending to matters of the heart

Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions

Attending to matters of the heart

Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions

Today’s themes

The value of awareness of our feelings The value of wise expression of our feelings

missionary experience

Change Loss Pressure – demands – difficulties Danger Conflict Joy of knowing God and living out his

purposes

What are emotions?

SadGladMadBad

Afraid

Everyday experience OF Feelings

Feelings are instantly triggered by perception Memory, event, or situation Quicker than rational thought

For example, fight or flight response

Feelings can also follow thoughts In moments of reflection

For example, embarrassment, gratitude, etc. Influenced by rational thought

Everyday experience OF Feelings

Emotions by their nature focus on the present Color the present Guide action toward immediate goals

Are influenced by the past… Remembering generates emotion

And are influenced by anticipation of the future Concern for what might happen, worry

A definition

Emotion: A feeling and its thoughts; mind and body states; and the tendency to act.

Understanding emotion

belief/thought

behavior/motivationphysical state

feeling

Putting emotions into perspective

personality

moodemotio

nFleeting More enduring

Everyday experience of feelings

Our emotions are like waves

Face into them and let them run their course

Everyday experience of feelings

Feelings are powerful Too powerful to stay bottled or stuffed

If clogged… Emotional pipes tend to leak or burst

Leaks and bursts

Body languageTone of voice

SarcasmImpatience

DefensivenessExplosions of anger or tears

“Walking on eggshells”

A Biblical perspective on emotions

Unbiblical view

Out of concern for sin, we may be wary of feelings …

… and perhaps conclude we shouldn’t have feelings.

Small groups

Discuss Bible verses Group 1: Gen. 6:5-6, Ex. 34:14, I Kings 11:7-10, Ps. 149:4, Eph.

4:30, Heb. 12:2 Group 2: Mt. 26:37-38, Mark 3:5, 10:14, Jn. 11:34-35, Jn. 15:10-

11 Group 3: Ps. 25:16-18, Ps. 43:5, 2 Cor. 1:7-9 2, Phil. 4:10-12, 3 Jn.

1:4 Group 4: Ps. 56:3; Ps.62:8; Lam. 2:19a; Ro. 12:9, 15; Phil. 4:4, 6-7

Why are these in the Bible? What might God want us to learn about emotion?

Guarding your heart

Proverbs 4:23

“Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.” (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

What is your heart? What are you guarding it from?

Discuss this in pairs or triads

Guarding your heart

Strategies for guarding your heart

Spiritual disciplines: Intake of the Word Prayer Fellowship and accountability Desiring what God desires Dealing with sin

These disciplines and others are critical to emotionally-healthy spirituality.

Guarding your heart

… Does not mean becoming un-emotionallike Spock

… But rather becoming fully humanlike Jesus

Emotional intelligence

Improving your emotional intelligence

Strategies for getting smarter :1. Hearing feelings2. Heeding warning signs and managing stress3. Expressing feelings constructively

1. Hear your feelings

An exercise to make sense of emotion Check-in with yourself:

1. “(Today) I feel…” 2. “When I feel this way, the thoughts that go

through my head are…”3. “When I feel this way and think these

thoughts, what I want to do is…” and/or “how I feel in my body is…”

Hear your feelings

Acknowledge those feelings

Acknowledging the reality of our feelings is the first step in choosing a healthy response. “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you

teach me wisdom in the inmost place.” Psalm 51:6

2. Heed warning signals

Some reactions to stress: Foot on the gas

Heated, angry, can’t sit still Foot on the brake

Shut down, depressed, withdrawn Foot on both gas and brake

Tense and frozen

Emotional intelligence

Feelings can feel like the whole of reality, yet they are only a part of reality.

Reality

My feelings

Emotional intelligence

Manage “Foot on the gas” Slow down Calm and soothe

Manage “Foot on the brake” Speed up to get unstuck Physically move

Emotional Intelligence & community

God is relational and we are made in his image – for relationships Honestly connect

Provides support and feedback from others Danger in isolating

Get help when needed Member care or counseling support

3. Express feelings constructively

How can we share our emotions with others? Consider your motive and purpose.

Don’t tear others down. Do build others up.

3. Express feelings constructively

Don’t tear others down Anger escalating Blame

Making others responsible for your feelings and actions Complaining

Stuck in misery Defensiveness

Take responsibility for your feelings

3. Express feelings constructively

Do build others up in love Share your feelings with skill Own and work your feelings into conversation

sad/mad/glad/bad/afraid Not “I feel you are unreasonable”

Use “I” statements Rather than “You make me mad” Try “I feel angry because …”

XYZ formula

(X) When ______________ happens,or When you ______________,

(Y) I feel ___________ .

(Z) I need ____________or I want ___________.

Express feelings constructively

When responding to the sharing of feelings, give the gift of ACKNOWLEDGEMENT You don’t have to agree!

Three levels of acknowledgement: “I can see how you think that way.” “I can see how you feel that way.” “You are right.” (Most powerful.)

Attending to matters of the heart

Benefits of awareness and wise expression of our feelings Authentic spirituality Intimacy with others

Effective communication and conflict resolution Longevity in ministry

Averting burnout Short accounts