7/28/2019 Why I Must Be King of Europe

1/3

Why I Must Be King of

EuropeI am the best choice to be King of Europe. And I'm not joshing withyou, my dear reader. By now, if you still have not realized, theEuropeansall 500,000,000 of them!have forfeited anyresponsible claim to be intelligent enough and inclined indeed to

join in, in a spirit of fraternized, concerted effort, to attempt tosalvage themselves from the brutal economic and political climatein which the world is now embroiled. Could there be promise to

think that Europeans might be so bright as to enjoy their owncompany and progress to a higher quality of life for the benefit ofthemselves and those with whom they trade and communicate?Are they just too dense? Too snotty? Have they ensconcedthemselves in a shell of snobberythe sanctuary of those fullyfrustrated?

I now step forward...

You must understand that for millennia Europeans have beenbrained-washed into submitting themselves to some sort ofoverseer whether it be a pope, a bishop, a king, a queen, a prince,a princess, a dictator, a general, a padrone, an organized crimehoncho, a mafia boss, a megalomaniac andeven in Italya SilvioBerlusconi! Just as sheep follow their shepherd or sheepdog,Europeans must have, at their beck and call, some authoritativefigure to whom they donate their allegiance and blindfoldedlyaccept the guru's power to influence or command their thought,

opinion and behavior. This obsequiousness is in the sinews of theEuropean peoples, and without some magnificent nominal head towhom all Europeans might pay homage, there is slim possibility forWestern Civilization I to integrate and join forces to, together,rescue itself from an eventual decline.

It is for these reasons that I volunteer to be King of Europe. I wantto deliver this undignified enormous division of land and itspopulace, on the globe, from undoing its very self. I want to unify500,000,000 individuals so that they might constitute a force ofprogress, innovation and creationsomething even FB is notcapable of effectuating. I would like to gift Europeans with the joy

7/28/2019 Why I Must Be King of Europe

2/3

of aspiration and extricate them from their mental depression, theirnever-ending hopelessness. I will endeavor to persuade them tostop wearing DEPRESSED STRESSED ELEGANTLY DRESSED and I CORRUPTION tee shirtsjust to begin.

At this point, you probably are trying to understand why I think I amqualified to assume the role of King of Europe. Let me put yourmind at rest. I was born in Brooklyn, New York. The father of mymother had been born in the Prussian part of France. His wife hadbeen born in Ireland. The father and mother of my father had beenborn in the Old Soviet Union. If you draw a line from Ireland toFrance and then to the eastern part of the Confederation of Russia,you will see that my line of descent is overwhelmingly integrated.No Italian, no Frenchperson, no German, no Russian, no

Irishperson...no member of the European Union enjoys such adiversity of cultures and groupings. (I also lived in Venezuela foralmost seven years.) What is more, I have been a resident of Italysince 1 May 1983quite a considerable measure of time. While Iam not a native-born Italianwithout any Italian bloodlineI amwilling to contact the Italian Red Cross and ask them to infuse mycirculation system with Italian stock. This procedure will furtherenhance my royal curriculum vitae. A line drawn from Ireland, toFrance, to Italy and then to eastern Russia, will enlarge my

European family tree and give additional leverage to my pressingclaim to ascend the European throne and rule over my EuropeanKingdom for the benefit of the 500,000,000 European subjects whowill pay homage to me and what I intend to accomplish for them.

My first act as King of Europe will be to carve up my Kingdom intoQuasi-Sovereign Body Politics. The Kingpins of these regions willprepare a Kingdom Report for me each month detailing the state oftheir domains as they regard the social, economic and political

realities of their respective responsibilities. An annual KingdomAssembly will be convoked.

It is understood that the European condition is desperate. Good,Royal sense is the order of the day. If forces contrary to my wishes,for example, financial institutions, politicians and their bedfellows,

journalists, pose a threat to the stability of the Kingdom, they willbe post haste condemned to reflection cells for a timetrustingthat they will alter their opinionsin the appropriate RoyalDungeons. (Anything is better than head choppings-off.)

My Distinguished Subjects, I terminate this my appeal to assume

7/28/2019 Why I Must Be King of Europe

3/3

the throne and serve as King of Europe with this admonition: Ileave it to you to decide whether or not I have the mettle andmental capacity to govern the people of the Kingdom of Europe;and, I assert that I am a sincere, honest, thrifty (no horses, nocarriages, no missiles) individual with a sense of humor that helps

other people enjoy themselves; further, it is my overwhelmingdesire to bring the Kingdom of Europe from being a cove for thepropagation of malfeasance and injustice to being, for the world, afocal point of creation and progress.

Your Royal Highness...

ASJ the First

Authored by ASJ6 July MMXIII

Calenzano, Italy

* * *