Expository Essays

What makes an “A” paperUnderstanding the Rubric

Common MistakesStrategy for Organization

Relevant Resources

NP NP/C

C C/C+

C+ C+/B

B B/B+

B+ B+/A

A0

2

4

6

8

10

12

Period 2Period 7/8

Essay ScoresPeriod 2 vs. Period

7/8

Essay Scores02468

101214161820

NPNP/CCC/C+C+C+/BBB/B+B+B+/AA

Essay Scores TOTAL

ORIGINAL thesis outlined from the beginning ORIGINAL thesis reinforced throughout the paper

(within each body paragraph and subtopic)and possibly reaches a new thesis

Organization of body paragraphs The beginning of the paragraph ends with the same

idea/concept at the end of the paragraph (IE: paragraphs come “full circle”)

Properly infuse quotes (Follows the IQCDC Method) Flawless in grammar, mechanics, and MLA Format Follows peer review guides and editing checklist

What constitutes an “A” paper?

Common Mistakes Found in YOUR Expository Essays

Thesis embedded with summary“Paul Tough the author of the article, “What if the Secret to Success is Failure”, believes that character can be conditioned and educated, to transform children into what they should be. However, Gladwell would disagree.”“Environment plays a role with learning, education and character development. Gladwell’s Broken Windows Theory elaborates the environment's effect on character and how we underestimate small details.”

Vague thesis“Even though Gladwell views are different than Levin and Randolph, both are correct in their respective ways.”“Let’s say someone is having a bad day, a simple “hello” can change their whole mood and in a sense that’s what Tough is trying to do. Yet, it won’t stick with someone for long.”

Common Mistakes: Thesis Statements

The school environment allows students to

naturally build character in a way that aids the development of a distinct identity devoid of social conformity.

Character is a human quality that is partly inside of us from birth, and partly made by our surroundings, but in no possible way can you completely control it or change it.

Examples of strong thesis statements

TOO MUCH SUMMARY Unclear distinction between authors voice vs.

own voice Compare/Contrast instead of analyze

Common Mistakes: Work with assigned

texts

Use as support for your own idea Advance an ORIGINAL argument Support thesis statement Have them “speak to one another"

The purpose of using Gladwell and Tough in your

essay is to:

Did not follow IQCDC Method

Introduce (minimal with author’s name) Quote (exactly as it appears in the text) Cite in MLA Format (Check O.W.L. at Purdue if

you need help) Discuss the meaning of the quote with attention

to some key word being used (AKA DON’T SUMMARIZE)

Connect to your thesis or the point being developed (Always go back to your thesis)

Common Mistakes: Structure and Organization

“A main par of character education that Randolph and Levin applied as an experiment was the Character Point Average. Levin created this character report card to give feedback to parents on how well their children placed in terms of good character. In the KIPP and Riverdale schools, the students didn’t take the experiment like Levin and Randolph had originally hope for. Randolph proceeded and said, “I have a philosophical issue with quantifying character. With my schools specific population at least, as soon as you set up something like a report card, you’re going to have bunch of people doing test prep for it” (Tough 6). This goes into whether character is the only factor that is affecting these students. Randolph concluded that debating over character was not the only approach to improving students’ characters. He even said that “It went deeper to the question of what character really meant” (Tough 6). Instead of focusing on the character only, these two headmasters have to analyze the context and environment that the students come from. This approach to character is exactly what Glad goes into in his “Power of Context” article.

Too much summary/Does not

follow IQCDC

STEP #1: Topic Sentence (State the subtopic or main idea of the

paragraph) STEP #2: Explain the subtopic/main idea of the paragraph STEP #3: INTRODUCE Example STEP #4: QUOTE Example and CITE in MLA Format STEP #5: DISCUSS this example and how it CONNECTS to your

thesis [Repeat Steps 3-5 depending on the amount of

support/number of direct quotes that you include] STEP #6: Put it all together explaining the purpose of everything

you mentioned (IE: What point are YOU trying to make?) STEP #7: Transition sentence to wrap up your ideas and bring

your paragraph AND essay “full circle”

Basic Organization for Body Paragraphs

No transitions between thoughts

“A child’s personality and the way they act are influenced by the immediate environment that they are in regardless of their background or past experiences. Malcolm Gladwell, the author of “The Power of Context” describes the “Broken Window’s Theory” in that, if windows are broken on a building, this will allow people living in the area to think, that there is a sense of lawlessness since no actions have been taken to stop the breaking of the windows.”

Common Mistakes: Structure and Organization

Randolph demonstrates how manipulating one’s environment successfully

allows one to maintain persistent character traits. Tough describes Randolph as a “big thinker” who is “always chasing new ideas” (Tough 1). Clearly Randolph is motivated, intelligent and innovative, or at least he is that way when he is at his school office. The key however, is the impact of the environment he has created for himself. Randolph likes to keep himself in an “open-concept work space” where the walls are “covered with whiteboard paint on which he sketches ideas and slogans” (Tough 1). Randolph has full control of his environment and by doing so, he maintains full control over the character traits he demonstrates in his office. Gladwell argues convincingly that this effect is a result of his “power of context” theory. He cites multiple psychological studies and notes that, “the reason that most of us seem to have a consistent character is that most of us are really good at controlling our environment” (Gladwell 191). Randolph is proof of Gladwell’s statement. Randolph controls his environment in order to maintain his character traits, even though he may not be aware of it. If this strategy of manipulating one’s own environment works for Randolph, then there is no reason why it would not work for his or Levin’s students.

Examples of Strong Transitions

MLA Format

INCORRECT: “The students who persisted in college were not…they were the ones with exceptional character strengths.” (Tough 4)

INCORRECT: Goetz further goes on to says that he acted “savagely, just like that, like a rat” (Gladwell 193) because “he was in a rat hole” (Gladwell 193).

INCORRECT: Tough states that when he spent a day at Riverdale in March “messages about behavior and value permeated the day” (Tough, page 7).

CORRECT: In Tough’s article, he writes about developing characters with the ability to put “an immediate crisis in perspective by reminding yourself of the larger context” (Tough 10).

Common Mistakes: Presentation

Switching tenses

The severe change in setting essentially was overwhelming, the students begin to develop a complacent character because no one is “holding their hands” in college.

ALWAYS WRITE IN PRESENT TENSE UNLESS YOU ARE REFERRING TO A PAST EVENT

Common Mistakes: Presentation

Sentence Fluency

When babies are born, infants look towards their parents or guardians for a form of self worth so that they can live on their own one day.

The debacle between how an individual’s character develops all depends on where this individual grew up and how he or she was raised.

Some viewed him as the messed up man he was… In Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point, he argues the effect that

run down New York City of the 1980’s had on the high crime rate. Much like the scripted blueprints that create them, humans are

anchored by the errors from their decisions. These decisions are based on behavior that has been influenced by the environment, either from a “poor rate hole” or a prestigious private school.

Common Mistakes: Presentation

Neglecting final peer review

NO FIRST PERSON PRONOUNS: My perspective is that Gladwell’s great understanding of situation and context…OR In my perspective, I believe…

DO NOT STATE THE OBVIOUS: The key words that Gladwell touches upon in that quote is “immediate environment”.

SPELLING/CONTRACTIONS: Just becuase one person ignores what is going on and doesn’t do anything, it causes us to not do anything.

FRAGMENTS: Those who get decent grades but have the personality, charisma, and people skills essentially needed for a job.

Common Mistakes: Presentation

Online Writing Lab at Purdue University

http://owl.english.purdue.edu Peer Review Guides #1 and #2 Online Peer Review (Using Google Docs as a way to

communicate with teacher and peers) Editing Checklist (This is the last step and will

separate an A paper from a B and a C from an NP) Piscataway Writing Lab (Open Mon-Fri from 6:45am-

7:10am and Mon, Weds-Fri from 2:00pm-3:00pm) Scheduled conference with Mrs. Loux

Resources for you: