Babs Quincy, CounselorNeal Edman, VP for Student Affairs

Your Communication Maintain communication even if your son

or daughter ignores you

On the other hand, don’t call them too much

Listen to their problems; don’t always rush to solve

The best thing to do: Have a conversation about how and when you will communicate

You can reach them all the time!

That’s the good news&

That’s the bad news

Boundaries should apply here, too

Have the cell be a bridge not a leash

Discuss expectations ahead of time

How often do you expect to hear from them?

What topics do they need to discuss with you?

What works for you and them in terms of who initiates?

Beliefs, Ideas and Friends

Students will be exposed to new and different things at Westminster

They will “try on” different hats or “identities”

Give them space to explore

Pick your battles wisely

Resist lecturing. This can negatively impact communication

Behaviors

They might pull away

They might spend more time with friends

They will explore independence and autonomy

Respect and encourage this

Let them make mistakes

Use the same patience you did when they were learning to walk

There is more time for yourself and your partner!

More opportunity for new adventures

But there is the sadness of letting go

Showing your son or daughter the door prematurely may be very difficult for them

There is a process of transition going on:

adult-child relationship

adult-adult relationship

You will need to decide how to handle the question Who is in charge?

“As long as you are under my roof…….” or “As long as I am paying the bills…”

These should be discussed and negotiated

Set your house rules

What are your expectations when your student is home on

breaks?

How do you communicate any concerns you have about their

behavior?

Cheerleader

Encourager

Consultant

Safety net

Lecturer or dictator Ignorer Dropper inner Private investigator Attorney Being their voice in matters that

are theirs

Listen

State your concerns

Be ready to compromise - as long as their demands or behavior are not disruptive to the family unit

They will appreciate your open ears and mind, and that you have the time to listen

Believe it or not, your student will continue to take your words of wisdom seriously

Respect their privacy

Try not to intrude

Allow them to settle their problems by themselves. Westminster has plenty of professionals to help them along the way

Please leave that to us. The Residence Life and other professional staff members will be happy to keep an eye on or intervene if you fear that your student is having emotional, drug/alcohol-related, or other serious problems.

Since college is not a court of law, the best thing to do is to help your student learn to:

negotiate problems

be assertive, but not aggressive

be an educated consumer

become independent and self-reliant

You want them to be articulate self-advocates

Your role is to be a sounding board and coach. Let them take it from there

You got them this far, and this is quite an accomplishment

Have faith in your parenting skills and your ability to make the

transition in your parenting style