Ifyou’llallowustoquoteGrandTheftAuto:ViceCity(meaningthere’saboutthreepeoplewho’llgetit,andthey’reprob-ablynotherewithgirls),“FIGHTLIKEMENWITHHUGECAJONES!” Stones,marbles,huevos,testicu-larfortitude,whateveryouwanttocallit,theHawkshavefoundtheirsthisseries,andnowweseeiftheCanuckscan.Down2-1inaGame5ontheroad(andwhoeverwinsGame5ofaseriestied2-2goesontowintheseries75%ofthetime),andtheHawkssimplysmiled,stretchedabit,andcontinuedtakingthegamerighttotheCanucks.Sundin’sgoal(weneverthoughtwe’dwritethatphrasethisseries.Wereallydidn’t)wastotallyagainsttherunofplay.TheHawkswerecarryingtheaction,werethemorephysicalteambysomemargin,andcreatedagreatmajorityofthechances. ItwasthesamestoryinGame4,wheretheCanucksscoredacompletesucker-punchofagoal.Bothtimes,whenalotofteamsmighthaveraisedafistatthegodsandthoughtitwasallagainstthem,theHawksputtheirheadsdownandwentrightbacktowork,andtheycameuptrumpsbothtimes.Youcanbreakdownanyfacetofthisseriesyouwant,butyoucanputitthissimply.Whentheweightoftheirsackhasbeentested,theHawkshavepassedbothtimes.TheCanuckshavefailedbothtests.Late In The Evenin’, Bout This Time Of Night We’dliketotakesometimetopointoutthatBrianCampbellmighthavehadhisbestgameasaHawkinGame5,andcertainlythemostimportant.TheCanucksclearlyfeel(asdidalotofHawksfans)thatCampbellcanbepushedoutofagameandbuildingifyourunhimenough.Itcertainlyhasn’tworkedinthepastthreegames.Campbell,infact,hasdroppedtwo‘Nucks,DemitraandHordi-suck.Nomatterhowhardhe’sbeenhit,hekeepscomingback,makingtherightplayattherighttime.Itwasmorethanjusthislast-ditchefforttostopKeslerona2-on-1inthe1stperiodThursday.51PhantomhascalmedthingsdownintheHawkszonenumeroustimes,beensmartwithgettingthepuckoutofthezone,andisstillasuretrap-buster.He’smadealltherightdecisionsonthepowerplay,leadingtothefirsttwogoalsSaturdaynight. Yes,hemakesalotofmoney,andnoneofuseverwill.Hecanbeinfuriating.Butheisoneofthefewveteransonthisteamwho’sseenallthisbefore,andisleadingby

example.It’stimeHawkfansgetoffhiscase,andappreciatewhatwehave.Listen To The Bell, Vancouver... Totonight’sencounter.Whenaseriesgoesthislong,therearen’tanysecretsanymore.Youknowexactlywhateachteamisgoingtotryanddo.TheCanucksaregoingtoplaythesamegamewesawinGames3and4.Theneutralzonewillhavelandminesinit,theCanucksd-menwillbarelycrosstheredlineunlesstheyhaveto,andtheirforwardswilltryandbeasdisciplinedandpatientastheypossiblycan. TheHawkswillalsoneedtobepatient.Lotsofchipsintotheoffensivezone(tryitsometime,VerStud,youmightlikeit)andbeatingtheVancouverDtothepuckandcreatingyourchancesfromthere.Simplepassesalltheway,asthe100-footbombsaremostcertainlynotgoingtobethere. Butreally,aswesaidalready,thisisallabouttheCanucksballs.They’vecomeupemptyinthatdepartmentwhencalledupon,attheendofGame4andatleastthelasttwoperiodsofGame5.Theyprettymuchfrozelasttimeout. Andthat’swheretheparadoxcomesinfortheCanucks.Howpatientanddisci-plinedcanyoubewhenyou’refacingelimina-tion?Canyouplaythattrapandwaitforamistakeknowingoneofyourownwillendtheseason?Atsomepoint,youhavetobelieve

oneofthemisgoingtotryandforcesome-thing,andthat’swheretheycouldgethurt. Atthesametime,theSedins,Sundin,andalotofotherCanucksdon’texactlyhaveareputationofhavingalotoffightinthem.IftheHawkstrythatlittleknowntactic,onlyusedinemergencies,knownas“scoringfirst,”andthe22,000-strongarefrothingatthemouth,andthebuildingisliterallyshaking,dotheCanuckshavethetesticularfortitudetobattlethroughtthat?Seemsunlikely. Thatbeingsaid,theHawkshavebeenguiltyonmorethanoneoccasionthispostseasonofthinkingthehomeadvan-tagewouldworkitsmagicbyitself.ThelasttimetheHawkscouldputateamaway,onlyKhabbyreallydidso,thoughthatwouldbefineifitworksoutthatwaytonight.TheHawksneedtocomeouttonightasiftheyjustsawsomedouchemakingoutwiththeirsister.Eatlightning,crapthunder,thewholebit.Aswesaid,iftheHawksgetuponeortwoearly,there’severychancetheCanucksstartlong-ingforthecoffee,rain,andweed.Butgoingdownearly,andthepressureshiftsrightbacktotheHawks,whowantnothingtodowithaGame7ontheroad.TheFatLadyisgoingthroughherscales,gettingreadytogoonstage.Makeitso.

-JohnnyUtah

We’re A Sexual Innuendo In This Burned Out Paradise

committedindian@gmail.comMay 11th, 2009

The Committed Indian

The REal Fan’s Program

HENRIK AND DANIEL ARE TOGETHER IN ETERNITY?

$3

secondcityhockey.com

$3

With each passing passing playoff game, I move farther and far-ther away from adulthood. I’m sure I’m not alone though. I can’t focus at work, and my job is writing about the playoffs, so I can’t imagine what all of you are going through at your respective places of employment. I’m sure there’s a lot of unhappy bosses around town these days. But having the Hawks turn you back into a child can also be wildly fun. After Jesus Havlat Christ tied Game 4, the loudest place to be after the period was the stairwell headed out for a pre-OT smoke. I’m not sure my feet ever touched the concrete. There was yelling and chanting, and I was leading it. I thought I might cough up a lung I was yelling so loug. After “Mountain” Ladd ended it, I nearly sent my comrade Adam tumbling down the concourse steps by leaping on his back a mere foot and a half from the stairs. I couldn’t stop leaping around, and high-fiving people. It was like I was seven and had just hit my first home run in Little League. Ask anyone who came to join us at Whirlaway for Game 5. I stood still for maybe 2.7 seconds once. Maybe. It’s becoming clearer and clearer why I’ll die alone. Whenever this run comes to an end, I’m going to sit down and tabulate what all the booze, nicotine, and stress has taken from the end of my lief, and I’m sure I’ll conclude I’m now only going to live until I’m 34. But that’s what we’re in it for, right? To tap into some raw emo-tion and passion that quite simply nothing else gets to. To become a kid

again and care so much about something because you don’t know any

better. To feel the exultant joy, and yes, the heart-pulverising pain that could be just a moment away, and that make all the good moments great. What a ride, and it might not even be close to over. -Okay, there’s something I obviously have to clear up. No, that

is not me in the picture. More than a few thought it was, though it might be one day. It really could be a chilling vision of my future. But believe me, if I put my actual picture in there, you’d see a lot of cry-ing children in the UC, and my numbers would go straight to to hell. I’m treading a fine line with over-bearing mothers somewhere, I’m sure, and putting my distorted, anarchic face in this would only make it worse. I only hope the dads who buy this for their sons -- and strangely, daughters -- or the kids who are buying it themselves, are hiding it from mom. I can only imagine what my mother would have done to me if she knew what I was reading in The Blue Line. Thankfully, my brother had me well-drilled in keeping it hidden from her. As for writing this, well, I think

she’d just be happy I’m not in the streets. Wait, I am in the streets selling this, does that count? Anyway, yeah, that’s why I don’t put my picture in this. And yes, I’m well aware that there are more than a few mothers who read and love this, and I can only hope your children know what a cool mom you are. If not now, they will one day, for sure. So, even though one day late, Happy Mother’s Day to all of you.

FROM THE EDITOR

Sam Fels

STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS

PUCK DROP

Eastern Conference Western Conference

TOP 10 LIST

Top 10 Things Uglier And Dumber Than Kevin Bieksa10. A three-toed sloth with Down Syndrome9. A lobotomized water buffalo8. Fox news employees7. A senile orangutan6. Retarded turkeys (though they could probably turn faster)5. Mike North4. Any of those douche-nozzles who threw garbage on the ice after Game 5, though that might have been him3. Cavemen with serious head injuries only2. Committed Indian staff, but just by a nose1. Detroit residents

*late game not included

Roberto Luongo-Goalie, Vancouver: Man, are we sick of this punk. He’s been too quick to use his goal stick and glove as weapons, too quick to bitch to the refs, too quick to gloat to the press after Game 3, and too quick too throw his teammates under the bus after Game 4. While he wanted to rub it in Buff’s face after going up 2-1 in

the series, after Game 4 he claimed that the Canucks gave up too many chances. Hey, Lou, the Hawks had 21 shots. How many great chances could they possibly have had? Four? Five? They played perfectly in front of you, and when you were asked to bail them out on one of the few mistakes they made all night, you came up short. Luongo blamed Havlat fanning on the shot, which, if even true, would mean it should have been an easier stop. Lunogo is named among the elite, and gets $6 mil to make the stops the Canucks absolutely have to have, and he hasn’t. The only time the Canucks have kept the Hawks in check is when his teammates are laying a blanket over him. Maybe he’ll steal the rest of the series, but nothing would delight us more to send him back to his closet full of hair-product in Vancouver for the summer, where no one can hear him talk anymore.

#1 Boston #8 Montreal

#3 New Jersey

#4 Pittsburgh

#5 Philadelphia

#1 San Jose #8 Anaheim

#2 Scum

#7 Columbus

#3 Vancouver

#6 St. Louis

#4 HAWKS

#5 Calgary teams re-seed after first round, with

highest remaining seed playing lowest remaining.

#2 Washington

#7 New York WAS (4-3)

#6 Carolina CAR (4-3)

PIT (4-2)

VAN (4-0)

BOS (4-0) ANA (4-2)

Scum (4-0)

HAWKS (4-2)

CAR 3-2

PIT 3-2

Scum 3-2

HAWKS 3-2

Committed Indian T-shirts....

Chicago Blackhawks 3-2

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit)

24 R The Perfect Beard 6' 2" 217 27 11 5 6 11 2 8 0 0 1 27 18.5 $6,000,000

88 R Patrick Kane 5' 10" 187 20 10 5 4 9 -3 10 2 0 0 24 20.8 $3,725,000

36 C Fabulous Weapon 6' 0" 188 22 11 4 5 9 3 18 1 1 1 19 21.1 $845,833

32 L VerStud 5' 10" 180 22 11 2 7 9 -1 6 1 0 0 14 14.3 $491,667

10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6' 1" 197 27 11 5 3 8 1 2 2 0 1 30 16.7 $3,900,000

7 D Brent Seabrook 6' 3" 220 23 11 1 7 8 4 8 1 0 0 23 4.3 $3,500,000

51 D 51 Phantom 6' 0" 188 29 11 2 5 7 4 0 2 0 0 16 12.5 $7,142,875

19 C Captain Marvel 6' 2" 209 20 11 2 5 7 0 24 1 0 1 26 7.7 $2,800,000

33 R Dustin Byfuglien 6' 3" 247 23 11 3 3 6 2 18 0 0 0 27 11.1 $3,000,000

25 D Cam Barker 6' 3" 213 22 11 3 3 6 -2 0 0 0 0 20 15 $2,768,587

2 D Duncan Keith 6' 1" 194 25 11 0 5 5 7 4 0 0 0 17 0 $1,475,000

16 L Mountain 6' 2" 198 23 11 2 1 3 4 10 0 0 1 16 12.5 $1,550,000

37 R Adam Burish 6' 1" 189 26 11 1 2 3 3 22 0 0 1 16 6.3 $712,500

26 C Samuel Pahlsson 6' 0" 204 31 11 1 2 3 0 0 1 0 0 6 16.7 $301,000

55 L Ben Eager 6' 2" 220 24 11 1 1 2 -1 31 0 0 1 11 9.1 $568,000

8 D Matt Walker 6' 3" 214 28 11 0 2 2 -3 10 0 0 0 $6 0 $600,000

22 R Troy Brouwer 6' 2" 213 23 11 0 1 1 0 6 0 0 0 15 0 $675,000

4 D Super Nintendo Jalmers 6' 2" 200 21 11 0 1 1 -1 4 0 0 0 6 0 $643,000

46 C Colin Fraser 6' 1" 188 23 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 $500,000

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary

39 Nikolai Khabibulin 6' 1" 209 36 11 657 2.56 7 4 0 0 279 28 .900 0 0 0 $6,750,000

38 Cristobal Huet 6' 1" 205 33 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 $5,625,000

Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 35 657 2.56 7 4 0 0 26.0/g 28 .900 0 0 0 $12,375,000

TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000

CAP SPACE: $274,000**space also affected by buyouts and injured players

*injured

Injury ListBrentSopel-Questionable(Talent)

Probable LinesLeft Wing Center Right Wing

22Brouwer 19Toews 88Kane16Ladd 36Bolland 24Havlat

32Versteeg 26Pahlsson 33Byfuglien10Sharp 37Burish 55Eager

Probable Pairings2Keith 7Seabrook

51Campbell 4Hjalmarsson8Walker 25Barker

Totals/Averages 6' 1" 203.4 24.16 37 63 16.5/g 12 1 29.0/g 11.56% $41,198,462

(Playoff stats)

Commenter GMH from our blog: “I was experiencing some existential rage when the Canucks drew blood from Kaner TWICE and escaped penalties BOTH TIMES, but the devil lives inside this kid, I swear it. It rises out of him in a mist, this baby-faced defiant wrathful version of Pat Kane, escapes his bodily confines to perform satanic miracles all over the of-fensive zone. The only thing more fearsome than that assist was the keep-in preceding it. The only thing more unholy than his face is his black magic.”

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ongst all d-men in Corsi Rating during the play-

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# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit)33 C Henrik Sedin 6' 2" 190 28 9 4 5 9 2 2 1 0 0 17 23.5 $483,000

22 L Daniel Sedin 6' 1" 185 28 9 2 6 8 3 8 1 0 0 30 6.7 $2,500,000

23 D Alexander Edler 6' 3" 220 22 9 1 6 7 -3 6 1 0 0 10 10 $4,000,000

13 C Mats Sundin 6' 5" 231 38 7 2 4 6 -2 2 0 0 1 10 20 $883,000

6 D Sami Salo 6' 3" 215 34 6 3 3 6 0 2 2 0 2 11 27.3 $522,000

42 C Kyle Wellwood 5' 10" 180 25 9 1 4 5 0 0 0 0 0 6 16.7 $3,575,000

18 R Steve Bernier 6' 2" 225 23 9 2 2 4 -1 7 2 0 2 14 14.3 $3,500,000

17 C Ryan Kesler "A" 6' 2" 205 24 9 2 2 4 -3 12 1 0 0 26 7.7 $3,750,000

14 L Alexandre Burrows 6' 1" 190 27 9 3 1 4 1 20 0 0 1 18 16.7 $950,000

38 R Pavol Demitra * 6' 0" 200 34 6 1 2 3 -2 2 1 0 0 13 7.7 $3,500,000

3 D Kevin Bieksa 6' 0" 205 27 9 0 3 3 3 14 0 0 0 16 0 $750,000

21 L Mason Raymond 6' 0" 182 23 9 1 1 2 -2 2 0 0 0 13 7.7 $1,750,000

10 C Ryan Johnson 6' 1" 202 32 9 1 1 2 1 2 0 0 0 4 25 $1,150,000

8 D Willie Mitchell "A" 6' 3" 210 31 9 0 2 2 -4 20 0 0 0 1 0 $3,500,000

55 D Shane O'Brien 6' 3" 224 25 9 0 1 1 -2 22 0 0 0 7 0 $3,575,000

37 C Rick Rypien 5' 11" 170 24 9 0 1 1 -1 38 0 0 0 5 0 $550,000

24 L Darcy Hordichuk 6' 1" 215 28 9 1 0 1 1 14 0 0 0 4 25 $5,363,000

2 D Mattias Ohlund "A" 6' 3" 220 32 9 1 0 1 5 6 1 0 0 13 7.7 $242,000

36 R Jannik Hansen 6' 1" 201 23 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 $987,000

9 L Taylor Pyatt 6’ 4” 230 27 3 0 0 0 -2 2 0 0 0 7 0 $1,575,000

5 D Ossi Vaananen 6' 4" 215 28 3 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 $500,000

...ARE HERE!!!!. CHECK SECOND CITY HOCK-EY.COM FOR DETAILS

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary

1 Roberto Luongo "C" 6' 3" 205 29 9 560 2.04 6 3 0 1 274 19 .931 0 0 0 $6,750,000

30 Jason LaBarbera 6' 3" 225 29 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 $461,000

Totals/Averages 6' 3" 215 29 9 560 2.04 6 3 0 1 30.8/g 19 .931 0 0 0 $7,211,000

TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $53,858,000

CAP SPACE: $2,852,000*space also affected by buyouts and injured players

those about to die 2-3

* injured

Injury ListPavolDemitra-Out(TrickKnee)

Probable LinesLeft Wing Center Right Wing

14Burrows 33H.Sedin 22D.Sedin17Kesler 13Sundin 21Raymond9Pyatt 42Wellwood 18Bernier

24Hordichuk 10Johnson 37Rypien

Probable Pairings2Ohlund 23Edler8Mitchell 6Salo3Bieksa 55O’Brien

Totals/Averages 6' 2" 206.1 27.7 22 40 21.6/g 9 0 29.4/g 11.0% $42,030,000

(Playoff stats)

As we said on the blog, the fact that this wanker took the penalty that may doom the Ca-nucks season is so wonderful we want to punch ourselves in the sack. Keep talking, dipshit.

Luongo’s stats from this series would be a SV% of .905 and a GAA of 2.80. Not horrible, but not glittering either.

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Items Confiscated At O’Hare Customs From

The Canucks LuggageOh those pesky customs agents. They can be so cold. But they were kind enough to share with some

of the things they’ve been picking out of certain players’ bags.

Daniel and Henrik Sedin’s pajamas

Playing cards, that were taped to Mats Sundin’s

forearms for some reason

Alex Burrows’ dildo

Roberto Luongo’s hair-prod-uct (the sheer amount of it constituted a bomb threat)

Cucumber found in Willie Mitchell’s pants

Kevin Bieksa’s Gloria Este-fan CDs. No wonder he’s

so angry!

What To Watch For: Only if the Canucks go down big early. Then we’re sure they’ll act in a totally classy and grown-up manner. Otherwise, there’s simply too much at stake for both teams. It’ll be chippy, and nasty, and there’s be a few board meetings around both

goalies, but we’re unlikely to get fists flying.

Team Opp PPG PP%ANA 37 10 27DET 41 12 29.3VAN 37 10 24.3CHI 42 11 23.8CBJ 13 3 23.1WSH 46 10 19.6BOS 28 5 17.9SJS 24 4 16.7PIT 55 8 14.6PHI 30 4 13.3CAR 38 5 13.2NYR 31 4 12.9NJD 27 3 11.1CGY 18 2 11.1STL 24 1 4.2MTL 8 0 0

Power Play

Team TS PPGA PK%NJD 29 2 93.1CAR 39 4 89.7VAN 42 5 90.5PHI 32 4 87.5

WSH 54 8 85.2BOS 17 3 82.4PIT 43 8 83.7

NYR 33 6 81.8ANA 43 9 79.1CHI 37 8 81.1SJS 23 5 78.3STL 18 4 77.8MTL 16 4 75CGY 24 7 70.8DET 27 8 70.4CBJ 22 7 68.2

Penalty Kill

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Nose

Black Eye

Bruised Ego

Just Dancing

Analysis

5-9-09 Walker v.O’Brien

2nd.12:12 √ After a big scrum started by Versteeg,

O’Brien goes looking for a partner like a drunk cougar on Clark St. Walker finally

obliges, and pretty much blisters him.

3-29-09 Keith’s locks v.

Burrows

3rd.5:50

We don’t even have a category for this one. Needless to say, after this we reserved a room for Burrows in the bath house at Belmont and

Halsted.

3-29-09 Eager v.Bieksa

3rd.5:50 √ √ During Burish-inspired melee, Eager drops

Bieksa like a drunken cougar, and then has to sit there and get bled on.

3-1-08 Wiz v. Burrows

3rd.9:49 √ Wiz reacts to elbow from Burrows, and like

most Vancouver fags, Burrows quickly opts for takedown.

HAWKS vs. CANUCKSFight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com

The Fight Card

Spotlight

Buff

No one has been harder on Buff than this here publication. Most of our frustration stemmed from knowing what he could be, and not seeing it realized. Consider that corrected. Byfuglien has been the best player on either team all series long, and probably shouldn’t book any vacation plans to BC, unless he wants to come home in pieces. He’s been physical, he’s been annoying, he’s been driven, he’s been in Luongo’s kitchen from the get-go. It’s been a pleasure to watch. He clearly has the Canucks rattled, as there have been times when Luongo seems more concerned with punching him in the back of the head than stopping the puck. Bieksa and O’Brien didn’t even wait for Buff’s first shift to start before yapping at him and trying to stir something up. Finally, in Game 5, Buff was rewarded with the goals to highlight what has been a superlative peformance so far. All of which will make the offseason more intriguing. As The Fifth Feather pointed out in their wrap of Game 5, Tallon very well may have to choose between Buff and Havlat. If Havlat is resigned, that money’s going to have to come from somewhere. If we were guaranteed that we would get this Buff every game, his $3 million would look a snip. But do you trust him to do that? We neither. How-ever, when removed from the scoring line and put in a role to do what he does best, i.e. be big and a pain, he has thrived, and maybe that’s the key to success in the years to come. Bears watching.

The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL847-952-8000

kagroyalo@aol.com

KNOW THY ENEMY

Hawks-canucks: the Last 4

May 9th, 2009: Hawks 4, Nucks 2Most complete effort of the series. Hawks take it to Canucks for the last two periods, outshooting

them 21-11, and Fabulous Weapon grants them the winner on the PP that they so richly deserve.

May 7th, 2009: Nucks 1, Hawks 2 (OT)Absolute torture for Hawks fans, absolute bore for the neutrals. Nucks snuff out the Hawks in a lock-

down formation for 57.5 minutes, until JHC ties it and Mountain wins it, sending UC into

orbit.

May 5th, 2009: Nucks 3, Hawks 1Yep, learning is still for dorks. Hawks take bad,

lazy penalties, don’t come out with a spark, or even a sniffle, and are snuffed out by simply a superior

defensive effort by Vancouver.

May 2nd, 2009: Hawks 6, Nucks 3Hawks think learning is for dorks, and make same mistakes as Game 1, with 1st period penalties and tentativeness galore. Then comes big Midwest-

ern foot in Pacific Northwest ass, as they reel off 5 straight goals to even series.

For the final time, Zanstorm from Nucks Misconduct is kind enough to let us know what the feeling in Vancou-ver is.

So, how’s your heartburn?A: I’m not feeling the burn too bad. I took some Zan-tac this morning.

The big question tonight is can the Nucks play that disciplined, patient, tight trap-game they want to with the season on the line and all that pressure?A: They can if they want to. The disciplined part has me concerned, as the Hawks seem to be under the Canucks’ skin....especially Kevin Bieksa, aka: Ed Jovanovski the 2nd. God help us.

We know you hated Byfuglien after Game 2, are there burned effigies of him around town now?A: Buffy played hockey in my neighborhood in the WHL (Prince George Cougars), so I can’t hate him completely. He’s aggressive and effective. It’s Burish and Eager that I hate.

How much of a stomach-punch was Game 4? You played an almost-perfect playoff road game, and were only two minutes away...A: That hurt way more than Game 5 no doubt. Thanks for bringing that up, bastard!

Tonight’s obviously about your testicular fortitude. Can the Sedins be counted on to show theirs?

A: That seems to be the questions going around right now. Where are the Sedins? I can see their play out there and I somewhat like it. They just are not cashing in. And what the hell has happened to Burrows?

Who’s been your best player this series? Your worst?A: Best: Alex Edler, going by points. Worst: Hmm...Bieksa, Burrows

Bottom line: Do the Nucks get it back to Vancou-ver tonight?A: (Flips coin) HEADS! Yes it’s going 7 games!

We’d like to take this time to thank both Zanstorm and Yankee Canuck for their help during this series. Our laziness and lack of sobriety didn’t leave them much of a window to answer our questions, and they always came through. We wish them the best of luck in the 2009-2010 season, which should start for them in a couple hours.

NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING

Colin Fraser 0.83 0.34 6.97 0 0 0 1.62 6.49 -4.87 4.87

Adam Burish -0.29 -0.16 8.24 2.65 0.66 1.99 2.69 2.54 0.14 1.84

Duncan Keith -0.02 0.1 20.42 2.94 1.6 1.34 2.48 2.69 -0.21 1.54

Brent Seabrook -0.03 0.2 18.86 2.6 1.45 1.16 2.73 2.73 0 1.16

Brian Campbell -0.17 -0.38 14.98 3.64 2.55 1.09 2.23 2.06 0.17 0.92

Jonathan Toews -0.18 -0.46 12.39 3.52 2.64 0.88 2.38 2.06 0.32 0.56

Andrew Ladd -0.08 0.21 12.52 2.61 1.74 0.87 2.7 2.38 0.32 0.55

Ben Eager -0.3 0.14 8.95 2.44 1.83 0.61 2.74 2.3 0.43 0.18

Patrick Sharp -0.14 -0.18 11.15 2.93 2.45 0.49 2.6 2.14 0.46 0.03

Kris Versteeg 0.24 -0.21 12.73 2.14 1.71 0.43 2.88 2.4 0.48 -0.05

Dave Bolland -0.01 0.26 13.11 3.33 2.91 0.42 2.43 1.94 0.49 -0.07

Martin Havlat -0.07 0.26 13.38 3.67 3.26 0.41 2.28 1.79 0.49 -0.08

Dustin Byfuglien 0.21 -0.12 13.86 1.97 1.57 0.39 2.98 2.48 0.5 -0.1

Cam Barker 0.06 -0.43 12.99 2.94 2.94 0 2.58 1.93 0.64 -0.64

N. Hjalmarsson -0.12 -0.01 13.06 1.67 2.09 -0.42 3.07 2.26 0.81 -1.23

Samuel Pahlsson 0.25 0.07 12.85 1.7 2.12 -0.42 3.05 2.25 0.8 -1.23

Troy Brouwer -0.22 0.12 10.16 1.61 2.15 -0.54 2.98 2.23 0.74 -1.28

Matt Walker 0.08 -0.23 13.24 2.06 2.88 -0.82 2.92 1.95 0.97 -1.8

Patrick Kane -0.12 0.09 12.26 3.43 4.41 -0.98 2.58 1.03 1.55 -2.53

Hockey SabermetricsCHICAGO

Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calcu-lated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60.

Player GFON/60

Dustin Byfuglien 16.13

Brian Campbell 11.89

Kris Versteeg 11.4

Patrick Kane 11.21

Brent Seabrook 10.76

Martin Havlat 8.22

Cam Barker 6.68

Patrick Sharp 5.5

Dave Bolland 4.05

Jonathan Toews 4.01

Player GA/60

Colin Fraser 0

Kris Versteeg 0

Matt Walker 0

N. Hjalmarsson 2.91

Patrick Sharp 6.09

Adam Burish 7.4

Dave Bolland 8.67

Samuel Pahlsson 9.86

Duncan Keith 10.29

Brent Seabrook 10.5

Power Play RatingsThis is a measure of a team’s goals-for per 60 minutes of player being on the

ice on the power play.

Penalty Kill RatingsThis measures how many goals a team

gives up per 60 minutes the player is on the ice on the PK.

Corsi RatingShots attempted for a team vs. how many are at-

tempted against while a given player is on the ice, per 60 min.

NAME CORSI

Brian Campbell 17.5

Jonathan Toews 17.2

Patrick Sharp 16.1

Adam Burish 15.9

Patrick Kane 15.2

Troy Brouwer 12.4

Ben Eager 11

N. Hjalmarsson 7.5

Cam Barker 5.5

Duncan Keith 2.4

Dustin Byfuglien 1.6

Samuel Pahlsson -0.4

Martin Havlat -1.2

Brent Seabrook -1.4

Andrew Ladd -3.5

Dave Bolland -6.2

Matt Walker -6.2

Kris Versteeg -6.9

Colin Fraser -17.2

Penalties Drawn vs. Taken

NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60

Dave Bolland 2.9 0.8

Dustin Byfuglien 1.6 0.8

Patrick Sharp 1.5 0.5

Kris Versteeg 1.3 0.9

Martin Havlat 1.2 0.4

Brian Campbell 1.1 0

Jonathan Toews 0.9 1.8

N. Hjalmarsson 0.8 0.8

Samuel Pahlsson 0.8 0

Adam Burish 0.7 0

Brent Seabrook 0.6 0.6

Ben Eager 0.6 3

Patrick Kane 0.5 2

Andrew Ladd 0.4 1.3

Matt Walker 0.4 0

Colin Fraser 0 0

Duncan Keith 0 0.3

Cam Barker 0 0

Troy Brouwer 0 1.1

Face-offsPlayer Face-Offs Taken FO%

Jonathan Toews 150 59.3

Samuel Pahlsson 131 51.1

Dave Bolland 192 45.8

Adam Burish 67 44.8

Total Playoff Rank: 9th 50.2

(playoff stats)

Hockey Sabermetrics

Player GAON/60

Jannik Hansen 0

Kevin Bieksa 2.18

Ryan Kesler 3.77

Alex Burrows 4.21

Mattias Ohlund 4.31

Willie Mitchell 4.6

Ryan Johnson 5.65

Alex Edler 6.58

Sami Salo 6.74

M. Raymond 7.41

Power Play RatingsThis is a measure of a team’s goals for per 60 minutes of player being on the

ice on the power play.

Penalty Kill RatingsThis measures how many goals a team gives up per 60 minutes the

player is on the ice on the PK.

Corsi RatingThis measures how many shots are attempted for a team vs. how many are attempted against while a

given player is on the ice, per 60 min.

NAME CORSI

Henrik Sedin 12.6

Daniel Sedin 10.8

Alex Burrows 3.9

Pavol Demitra 3.8

Kevin Bieksa 1.9

Alex Edler -2.5

Steve Bernier -3.3

Shane O'Brien -4.2

Mats Sundin -4.4

Ryan Kesler -6

Willie Mitchell -7.6

Mason Raymond -9

Sami Salo -9.1

Jannik Hansen -9.9

Taylor Pyatt -14.1

Mattias Ohlund -15.4

Kyle Wellwood -16.8

Rick Rypien -23.2

Ossi Vaananen -32.6

Darcy Hordichuk -36.1

Ryan Johnson -41.9

Penalties Drawn vs. Taken

NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60

Rick Rypien 2.8 2.8

Alex Burrows 2.4 1

Ryan Johnson 2.4 0.8

Kyle Wellwood 1.7 0

Henrik Sedin 1.4 0

Steve Bernier 1.1 0

Mason Raymond 1.1 0.6

Kevin Bieksa 0.8 1.6

Pavol Demitra 0.8 0.8

Shane O'Brien 0.6 3

Mattias Ohlund 0.4 1.1

Willie Mitchell 0.3 1

Ossi Vaananen 0 2.2

Daniel Sedin 0 1

Darcy Hordichuk 0 1.2

Jannik Hansen 0 0

Sami Salo 0 0

Alex Edler 0 1.3

Mats Sundin 0 0.7

Ryan Kesler 0 1

Taylor Pyatt 0 1.6

Face-offsPlayer Face-Offs Taken FO%

Ryan Johnson 112 58.9

Mats Sundin 88 53.4

Ryan Kesler 72 52.8

Kyle Wellwood 91 49.4

Henrik Sedin 156 49.4

Total Playoff Rank: 3rd 52.2

Player GFON/60

Daniel Sedin 10.18

Alex Edler 10.15

Kevin Bieksa 9.94

Henrik Sedin 9.81

Sami Salo 9.75

Steve Bernier 9.42

Mats Sundin 8.21

Kyle Wellwood 7.73

Ryan Kesler 6.77

Pavol Demitra 5.14

Mattias Ohlund 4.9

NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING

Ossi Vaananen -0.01 -0.09 9.21 2.17 0 2.17 0.93 1.87 -0.93 3.11

Daniel Sedin -0.3 0.73 13.61 2.94 1.47 1.47 1.26 2.3 -1.05 2.51

Alex Burrows -0.28 0.75 13.69 1.95 0.97 0.97 1.68 2.52 -0.84 1.81

Henrik Sedin -0.31 0.79 14.76 2.71 1.81 0.9 1.3 2.17 -0.87 1.77

Darcy Hordichuk -0.15 0.1 5.35 1.25 0 1.25 1.83 2.33 -0.5 1.74

Kevin Bieksa -0.02 -0.13 17.09 1.56 0.78 0.78 1.88 2.82 -0.94 1.72

Jannik Hansen 0.42 -0.34 9.13 0 0 0 1.39 2.78 -1.39 1.39

Ryan Johnson -0.02 -0.04 8.27 1.61 0.81 0.81 1.79 2.33 -0.54 1.34

Mattias Ohlund -0.08 0.03 17.75 2.25 1.88 0.38 1.44 2.16 -0.72 1.1

Steve Bernier 0.11 -0.68 12.03 2.22 2.22 0 1.59 1.99 -0.4 0.4

Sami Salo 0.12 -0.32 10.94 2.74 2.74 0 1.92 2.24 -0.32 0.32

Rick Rypien -0.11 0.13 7.19 0.93 1.85 -0.93 1.91 2.09 -0.17 -0.75

Kyle Wellwood 0.16 -0.43 11.94 1.68 2.79 -1.12 1.79 1.79 0 -1.12

Mason Raymond 0.14 -0.38 11.85 1.13 2.25 -1.13 1.98 1.98 0 -1.13

Shane O'Brien -0.27 0.04 11.12 1.8 3 -1.2 1.75 1.75 0 -1.2

Willie Mitchell 0.12 -0.03 19.2 1.39 2.43 -1.04 2.03 1.78 0.25 -1.3

Alex Edler -0.2 -0.07 15.89 1.26 2.52 -1.26 2.03 1.8 0.23 -1.48

Mats Sundin -0.06 -0.74 11.76 1.46 2.92 -1.46 2.16 1.62 0.54 -2

Pavol Demitra 0.19 -0.68 13.33 2.25 3.75 -1.5 2.25 1.61 0.64 -2.14

Ryan Kesler 0.07 -0.53 13.27 1.51 3.52 -2.01 1.86 1.45 0.41 -2.42

Taylor Pyatt -0.19 -0.17 12.78 0 4.69 -4.69 1.15 0.57 0.57 -5.27

VANCOUVER (playoff stats)

As the Chicago Blackhawks have gotten more popular, a curious phenomenon has shown itself at the United Center: Hockey Chicks.

You go to Cub games in the summer, and can spot the teenyboppers in Theriot jerseys, or you can go to a Sox game and see the slumpbusters in Konerko jerseys (do they even make those in small?), but what to do about hockey season?

Well, most Hockey Chicks have shown themselves to come in one of two Hawks sweaters...Patrick Kane and Patrick Sharp.

If you see a Hockey Chick in a Kane #88 sweater, you’ll probably be better off passing, or fly-ing wingman for your nephew or kid brother. Otherwise, set your TiVo, because your ass is gonna be on “NBC Primetime”, claiming “She told me she was 21!”

The ones in Sharp #10 sweaters are a safer bet. These are your more mature Hock-ey Chicks, and in some cases even serious Puck Bunnies. You can tell the Puck Bun-nies by their longing glances at the Wives’ Section, and the daggers stared back at them from that very section. Still, you’ve got a shot here, especially if you also have a Sharp sweater, since they’ll eventually take you home once they know they’ve got no shot at the actual Sharp, and will probably ask you to hang your sweater over their bedpost. Sure, they’re pretending you’re someone else, but laid is laid. Your fragile psyche will have to go elsewhere for soothing.

But there are other sweaters, and other types of Hock-ey Chicks in them. Here’s where we can help.

If you see a Hockey Chick in a Martin Havlat #24, She’ll be the combination of pretty, fast, and delicate.

If she’s wearing a Duncan Keith #2, tell her a joke. Make her smile. This gives you a chance to see if she has all her teeth. These girls are probably fast.

Anyone in a Bobby Hull #9 or Stan Mikita #21, steer clear, unless you’re working your way through your mom’s Canasta group.

A Hockey Chick in an Adam Burish #37 will put up a game fight. Don’t expect much scoring here.

The ones wearing Brent Seabrook #7 sweaters promise to be physical. She doesn’t look all that quick, but you’ll prob-ably be sore the next day.

A Hockey Chick in a Brent Sopel #5 is probably related to Sopel, so it’s a good news/bad news proposition. Bad news: She might look like Sopel. Good news: Free Hawks tickets in the family section!

The ones in Ben Eager #55 sweaters will be frustrating. She can’t make up her mind about whether she wants to fight or score.

Finally, if she’s wearing a Jack Skille #11, or a Jordan Hendry #6, don’t make any long-term plans. Just when you think you might be able to have a good time, she’ll be off to Rockford again.

Hope this helps. We at HOCKEENIGHT are doing our part to allow neophyte Hawks fans to immerse themselves completely in the NHL experience.

Forklift is one-half of the Hawks blog HOCKEENIGHT.com, and also does the Hockeenight Podcast, which all Hawks blog-gers contribute to.

STANLEY CUP PLAYOFF LEADERSPoints

Player Team P

1 A. Ovechkin WAS 172 S. Crosby PIT 163 R. Getzlaf ANA 164 E. Malkin PIT 145 N. Backstrom WAS 1410 Martin Havlat CHI 10

GoalsPlayer Team G

1 A. Ovechkin WAS 102 S. Crosby PIT 93 Eric Staal CAR 94 J. Franzen DET 75 E. Malkin PIT 610 M. Havlat CHI 5

GAAPlayer Team GAA

1 C. Osgood DET 1.972 Cam Ward CAR 1.983 Tim Thomas BOS 2.004 R. Luongo VAN 2.045 S. Varlamov WAS 2.159 N. Khabibulin CHI 2.56

SV%Player Team SV%

1 Jonas Hiller ANA .9442 Cam Ward CAR .9363 Tim Thomas BOS .9324 R. Luongo VAN .9315 M. Brodeur NJ .92912 N. Khabibulin CHI .900

Hockey Chicks: A Primer

Fork Lift

Forklift Off

We’re now two big victories away (one in Detroit, another in Chicago) from the long-awaited 1995 Conference Finals rematch between the Red Wings and Blackhawks. I know, there’s much work to be done before we begin previewing that potential series, but both teams now own 3-2 series leads coming out of each’s respec-tive game five’s and both appear to be teams trending upward while their opponents exhibit the opposite. In the last 22 years (significant because that goes back to the point the NHL advanced to the all 7-game, 4-round playoff format), Chicago and Detroit have met in postseason just four times, with the two splitting the match-ups. Chicago was an awful team in 1987 when they were swept by a Red Wings team that would go on to lose to the eventual Stanley Cup champion Edmonton Oilers in the Campbell Conference final. 1989 was a different story as the Hawks, led by Mike Keenan in his first season as head coach, deflated the regular season Norris Division champion Red Wings in the first round four games to two. It was the Hawks that year who would go on to lose to the eventual Stanley Cup champion Calgary Flames in the conference final. The Red Wings owned the best record in the Campbell Conference in 1992 when the Hawks swept them in four straight in the Norris Division Finals (2nd round) on their run to the Stanley Cup Finals and those mighty Pittsburgh Penguins. But 1995 was a heartbreaker. The Blackhawks were one of the NHL’s best teams in that lockout-shortened season up until Derian Hatcher took out Jeremy Roenick’s knee right in front of the Hawks’ bench and a national television audience on April 2nd. Roenick tore his ACL, and would not return until Game 2 of the conference semi’s series with Vancouver, missing the seven-game first round joust with Toronto (including a home ice Game 7 that most Hawk fans regard as the greatest night in this building’s history, as far as hockey goes). Roenick’s absence prompted the reacquisition of Denis Savard (ironic, because it was the arrival of Roenick in 1989 that led to Savard’s original exit), who went on to one-last unforeseen, and remarkable run of greatness in a Hawks’ sweater. Chicago swept the Canucks and moved on to the conference finals for a meeting with heated division rival Detroit. Scotty Bowman was in his second season as coach of the Red Wings, a team, at the time, who hadn’t one a Stanley Cup in forty years. Darryl Sutter led arguably the best Blackhawks’ squad in a period since the mid-80’s until today. Ed Belfour was at his very best in those playoffs, coming off three overtime wins against Vancouver and forced Detroit into three more, including two double-overtimes, though all were losses. Vladimir Konstantinov ended game 3 at the UC midway through the second overtime with a long wrist shot that Belfour misplayed, and Slava Kozlov ended the series in another 2OT game at the Joe. All four of the Wings’ victories in the 1995 series with Chicago were decided by one goal. Both teams struggled through injuries. Steve Yzerman and Sergei Fe-dorov each missed time with knee and shoulder issues respectively. Roenick never should’ve came back on the bad knee and couldn’t return to his usual form, and the Wings as a whole were much too quick for Hawks’ forwards like Brent Sutter, Dirk Graham and Bernie Nicholls. Chicago Blackhawk fans are used to seeing their beloved stars run up against teams with two dominant centers in the post-season. Gretzky/Messier, Lemieux/Francis, Yzerman/Fedorov, Sakic/Forsberg – you know how the story ends. Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, Johan Franzen and Marian Hossa – I expect this go-around to be no different. Which side is Scotty Bowman on? Red Wings’ coach Mike Babcock admitted again in his Game 5 post-game press conference Sunday he and Scotty still discuss coaching strategy on a regular basis. This was largely considered as Bowman’s role within the Red Wings along with having a voice pertaining to advance scouting and evaluating players. Essentially his position within the Detroit organization was opulent and expendable when Scotty last summer decided he wanted to spend more time with his son Stan, who was in remis-sion for Hodgkins. But evidently Scotty now claims a paycheck from the Blackhawks for largely doing nothing other than undermining the GM while advising the Red Wings bench boss pro bono. Duncan Who? First it was Brent Seabrook emerging as the dominant backliner carrying his team through the first round against the Flames and now it’s Brian Campbell who has lifted the Hawks in the second round.

Ever since he missed the final game of the regular season, something has gone noticeably wrong with Duncan Keith. He’s a mess in the defensive zone and is lacking his patented first-step quickness to recover from miscues and poor decisions. After studying his every move very carefully in Game 2 of the Calgary series, I went on record (which I realize means little) believing Keith is skating on a bum left foot or ankle, or possibly a bad left knee. Whatever the case, he gingerly uses his left skate and his balance and first step quickness are obviously off. Campbell’s taken his share of criticism this season, both fair and not. Rocky Wirtz didn’t airmail Campbell’s agent a blank check and tell him to fill in the zeros. The Hawks went into unrestricted free agency seeking a much needed puck-rushing defenseman and power play quarterback. Campbell was the best option on the market to fill both roles and the Hawks had to outbid other teams, most notably the San Jose Sharks and New York Rangers to get him. Yes he’s overpaid, but UFA’s almost always are, and the only other options were Wade Redden, Mark Streit or Ron Hainsey. Dale Tallon made the right choice. While he struggled through February and most of March, Campbell is playing his best hockey as a Hawk in the playoffs. His check in game two on Pavol Demitra knocked the Canucks’ forward right out of the series. Campbell’s teammates rely on him to lug the puck every time he’s on the ice and they should, he’s been near flawless in 11 playoff games. He ended that horrid fifty-game scoring drought in the series-clincher at Calgary and showed his shooting eye and confidence may indeed be

back when he sent a laser past Roberto Luongo in Game 3. Keith was very good all through the regular season and I’m not attempting here to take any of that away from him. It’s hard to believe he’s the same guy who couldn’t clear a puck around a pylon three seasons ago. But he’s not hovering around greatness just yet. The Duncan Keith admiration society would be bleeding members if Keith were earning four or more million dollars a season. Aside from his quickness,‘active stick’ and maybe his instincts, there isn’t much of anything to his game that separates him from any of his defensive teammates. Maybe he will be the second-coming of Brian Leetch one day, but that day hasn’t come yet. Tip-ins… As speculated here a couple weeks ago, Akim Aliu is taking the brunt of the heat for his April dust-up with Kyle Beach which had the two swiftly kicked off the Rockford IceHogs during the AHL play-offs. He’s on his official/unofficial final warning….. Jeremy Roen-

ick told XM Radio/NHL Live last month he’d make a decision on whether or not he’d return for one more season in June. When asked if the Boston Bruins (his hometown team) and Blackhawks were to meet in the Finals, who he’d root for Roenick said he’d be cheering for the Blackhawks. Could J.R. be angling for a possible return?.... Say goodbye to Martin Havlat. His agent and the Hawks are no longer discussing a new contract. Both sides say they will resume talks once the season ends, but 95% of the time, when a player gets this close to unrestricted free agency, he jumps into it. At 27, Havlat’s next contract will be the biggest of his career. Unless the Hawks have a plan to move players like Byfuglien or Barker who will occupy significant cap hits of their own going forward, the Hawks probably won’t have the room to match an offer Havlat is likely to receive out on the open market. They could go the route Detroit did with Zetterberg and Franzen, front-load his deal and extend it seven to nine years with him earning a million per season on the back stretch, but that’s a big commitment to a guy who until this year has never proven he can stay healthy. Havlat’s affection for this team and the city will be tested. Hometown discount or bust….. ChrisBlock@TheThirdManIn.com TheThirdManIn.comPuckChatter.net

Chris writes the definitive Hawks blog at The Third Man In, and his new NHL-wide blog Puck Chatter. He can be reached at the above address.

We Said We’d See You Again

Block Party

Chris Block

The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT2008-2009 Samuel Pahlsson (COL 7th round 1996) and

Logan Stephenson (PHX 2nd round 2004) from ANA for James Wisniewski (CHI 5th round 2002) and Petri Kontiola (CHI 7th round 2004)

Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001)Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998)Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001)

2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from PHI for Jim Vandermeer (FA PHI 2000)Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for Tuomo Ruutu (CHI 1st round 2001)

Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995)

2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and Bryan Smolinski (BOS 1st round 1990) for Tom Preissing (FA SJ 2003), Josh Hennessy (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003)Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for Brandon Bochenski (OTT 7th round 2001)

2005-2006 Niklas Hjalmarsson (4th round) Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006

Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round 1992)

2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round)Dave Bolland (2nd round)Troy Brouwer (7th round)

2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round)Dustin Byfuglien (8th round)

Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Jim Van-dermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990)

2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round)Adam Burish (9th round)

COACHESHead Coach-Joel QuennevilleAssistant Coach-John TorchettiAssistant Coach-Mike HavilandAssistant Coach- Marc BergevinGoaltending Coach-Stephane Waite

GM HISTORYDale Tallon (2005-Present)Bob Pulford (Too Fucking Long)Mike Smith (2001-2004)Bob Murray (1999-2000)

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com

The Making of The Vancouver Canucks

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT2008-2009 Steve Bernier (SJ 1st round 2003) from BUF

for 2009 3rd round pick and 2010 2nd round pickShane O’Brien (ANA 8th round 2003) and Michel Ouellet (PIT 4th round 2000) from TB for Lukas Krajicek (FLA 1st 2001)Jason LaBarbera (NYR 3rd round 1998) from LA 2009 7th round pick

Pavol Demitra (OTT 9th round 1993)Darcy Hordichuk (ATL 6th round 2000)Ryan Johnson (FLA 2nd round 1994)Mats Sundin (QUE 1st round 1989)Kyle Wellwood (TOR 5th round 2001)- off waiversRob Davison (SJ 5th round 1998)Ossi Vaananen (PHX 2nd round 1998)-off waivers

2007-20082006-2007 Taylor Pyatt (NYI 1st round 1999) from BUF

for 2006 4th round pickRoberto Luongo (NYI 1st round 1997), Lukas Krajicek (FLA 1st 2001), and 2006 6th round pick from FLA for Bryan Allen (VAN 1st round 1998), Todd Bertuzzi (NYI 1st round 1993), and Alex Auld (FLA 2nd round 1999)

Wille Mitchell (NJ 8th round 1996)

2005-2006 Mason Raymond (2nd round)

Alex Burrows (Undrafted FA)Rick Rypien (Undrafted FA)

2004-2005 Alex Edler (3rd round)Jannik Hansen (9th round)

2003-2004 Ryan Kesler (1st round)2002-2003 Sami Salo (OTT 9th round 1996) from OTT for

Peter Schaefer (VAN 3rd round 1995)2001-2002 Kevin Bieksa (5th round)1999-2000 Daniel Sedin (1st round)

Henrick Sedin (1st round)1996-19971994-1995 Mattias Ohlund (1st round)

GM HISTORY2007-Present: Mike Gillis2005-2007: Dave Nonis1999-2005: Brian Burke1988-1999: Pat Quinn

COACHESHead Coach: Alain VigneaultAsst. Coach: Rick BownessAsst. Coach: Ryan WalterAsst. Coach: Darryl WilliamsGoaltending Coach: Ian Clark

Playing at home............ 28-10-8Playing on road........... 25-18-4Scoring first.......... 36-7-5Opponent scores first........ 17-21-7Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 5-2-1Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 23-7-7Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0Editor listens to Liz Phair on way to UC and risks being called gay by everyone... .... 0-1-0Playing on a Monday.............. 3-3-1 Playing on a Tuesday................ 7-5-0Playing on a Wednesday........... 10-2-4Playing on a Thursday.............. 4-4-0Playing on a Friday................ 6-4-4Playing on a Saturday............. 12-5-3Playing on a Sunday................ 11-5-0Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 52-26-11Are out-muscled by opponent.... 11-22-4Outshoot opponent....... 39-18-7Are outshot by opponent.... 13-10-5Havlat shies from contact......... 16-6-6Patrick Kane scores............... 14-9-3Jonathan Toews scores.......... 18-3-6Martin Havlat scores............. 20-5-2Patrick Sharp scores............ 18-5-2Dustin Byfuglien scores......... 11-3-1Dustin Byfuglien wins a foot-race??!!!!!..... 4-1-0Andrew Ladd scores............. 15-0-1Dave Bolland scores......... 13-2-5Adam Burish scores....... 5-2-1, and totally ruins that joke51 Phantom scores....... 4-3-1Duncan Keith scores........ 5-3-0Brent Seabrook scores...... 5-1-2VerStud scores.... 14-8-1Troy Brouwer scores.... 8-0-0Scoring a Power Play goal....... 36-14-10Not scoring a Power Play goal... 17-13-2Allowing a Power Play goal...... 23-21-10Not Allowing a Power Play goal....... 29-7-2

Scoring a short-handed goal........... 7-2-0Allowing a short-handed goal......... 2-4-1Taking 30 or more shots......... 37-19-8Taking less than 30 shots..... 16-9-4Allowing 30 shots or more...... 20-9-6Allowing 30 shots or less......... 33-19-6100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 23-8-81st of a back-to-back...... 6-6-32nd of a back-to-back..... 9-5-2Opponent played night before.... 11-5-2Taking more than 5 penalties..... 18-18-5Taking 5 or less penalties.... 35-10-7Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 10-7-7Burish takes a penalty....... 12-8-2Keith takes a penalty......... 16-6-3Sharp takes a penalty....... 10-3-2Toews takes a penalty..... 11-8-3Havlat takes a penalty.... 8-4-1Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-551 Phantom blows a coverage...... 33-24-9Toews is trying too hard...... 3-8-3At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 6-4-4No fights in 300 Level..... 19-5-4Playing Eastern Conference..... 9-7-3Playing Western Conference..... 44-22-9Playing Central Division...... 10-7-7Playing Northwest Division.... 19-10-1Playing Pacific Division 15-5-1Playing Atlantic Division 2-3-2Playing NASCAR Division 4-1-0Playing Northeast Division 3-2-1Playing in October.... 4-3-3Playing in November.... 6-3-3Playing in December...... 10-1-1Playing in January..... 7-6-1Playing in February..... 7-4-1Playing in March...... 6-7-2Playing in April...... 10-3-1Playing in May.... 3-1-0

UC plays really stupid goal song..... 28-6-8Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 3-11-4Getting obliterated on face-offs....... 20-12-4Are even close on face-offs..... 33-16-8Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 43-22-12Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D during 4-on-4........ 43-22-12Pat Foley screws up a name...... 49-22-12Ice Crew wear skirts....... 8-1-3Ice Crew wear pants....... 3-1-0Ice Crew wear shorts.... 17-8-5Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her shapely ass.... 0-1-0Leading after 2 periods...... 39-2-4Losing after 2 periods...... 4-20-4Tied after 2 periods......... 10-6-4In overtime.......... 8-5In shootout....... 4-7Cam Barker plays....... 45-24-9Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 6-2-3Lacking a #2 center........ 38-22-9In 1-goal games..... 15-7-12In 2-goal games...... 17-11-0In 3-goal games....... 11-6-0In 4+ goal games...... 9-3-0Scoring 3+ goals..... 48-9-8Scoring less than 3 goals...... 5-18-4PA plays Ministry....... 0-0-0PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 28-10-8PA plays Stranglehold....... 9-3-4PA plays P.J. Harvey........ 0-0-0Fraser fights...... 7-3-1Burish fights....... 5-2-0Seabrook fights..... 1-0-0Barker fights......... 0-0-2Buff fights......... 1-1-2Sharp fights........ 1-0-0Eager fights.......... 12-4-2On Comcast...... 40-16-9On WGN....... 11-7-3On Vs........ 2-6-0

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