Ways Parents Can Build Ways Parents Can Build Self-EsteemSelf-Esteem

Teach your child skills.Teach your child skills. When children say, “I can’t,” they sometimes mean, “I don’t know how.” When children say, “I can’t,” they sometimes mean, “I don’t know how.” Show your child how to complete each step of a new task.Show your child how to complete each step of a new task. Have your child practice each step until it is mastered, then move on to next step.Have your child practice each step until it is mastered, then move on to next step.

Hold high expectations.Hold high expectations. If you believe your child will do well in school, they probably will.If you believe your child will do well in school, they probably will. Be careful…If you put too high expectations on your child, then you could harm Be careful…If you put too high expectations on your child, then you could harm

your child’s self-esteem.your child’s self-esteem.

Be clear about the messages you’re Be clear about the messages you’re sending your child.sending your child.

When your child brings home a school assignment, focus first on the correct When your child brings home a school assignment, focus first on the correct responses. Then help him understand why his other answers were incorrect.responses. Then help him understand why his other answers were incorrect.

When your child helps with household chores, thank him/ her for help and talk When your child helps with household chores, thank him/ her for help and talk about one thing they did especially well. about one thing they did especially well.

Take a tip from Thomas EdisonTake a tip from Thomas Edison Each time Edison said he’d learned something that didn’t work, he was one step Each time Edison said he’d learned something that didn’t work, he was one step

closer to finding something that did.closer to finding something that did. Teach the “success mind-set” at home. When your child is unsuccessful, try to find Teach the “success mind-set” at home. When your child is unsuccessful, try to find

something she/ he can learn from mistakes. You might ask, “What would you do something she/ he can learn from mistakes. You might ask, “What would you do differently next time?”differently next time?”

Be sure that you let your child know you’re proud of him/ her for trying. Be sure that you let your child know you’re proud of him/ her for trying.

Let your child overhear a compliment.Let your child overhear a compliment. Kids sometimes have trouble “hearing” a compliment spoken directly to them. But Kids sometimes have trouble “hearing” a compliment spoken directly to them. But

when they overhear you talking about what a good job they did, they’ll believe what when they overhear you talking about what a good job they did, they’ll believe what they hear. That will make them work even harder!they hear. That will make them work even harder!

Make a scrapbook of accomplishments.Make a scrapbook of accomplishments. Great way to record your child’s successes. Get a 3-ring binder, lots of paper, and Great way to record your child’s successes. Get a 3-ring binder, lots of paper, and

set aside some time to work with your child in preparing the scrapbook!set aside some time to work with your child in preparing the scrapbook! Helpful categories for the scrapbook:Helpful categories for the scrapbook:

Things I’ve learned in school (words I can spell, math problems I can do, stories I’ve written)Things I’ve learned in school (words I can spell, math problems I can do, stories I’ve written) How I help (things I do around the house, things I do outside).How I help (things I do around the house, things I do outside). Artistic skills (my favorite drawings, songs I can sing).Artistic skills (my favorite drawings, songs I can sing). Places I’ve visitedPlaces I’ve visited Books I’ve readBooks I’ve read Things I’m proud of.Things I’m proud of.

Read Read The Little Engine That The Little Engine That CouldCould

Talk about the things your child can accomplish when Talk about the things your child can accomplish when they repeat, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”they repeat, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

Provide a regular place to Provide a regular place to display your child’s best display your child’s best work.work.

The refrigerator door was made just for this! The refrigerator door was made just for this! Have your child choose a school paper, drawing, or Have your child choose a school paper, drawing, or

photo that shows some recent accomplishment. photo that shows some recent accomplishment. Change the display often.Change the display often.

Help your child do something for someone Help your child do something for someone else.else.

Help clean nearby park, shovel an elderly neighbor’s sidewalk, or collect Help clean nearby park, shovel an elderly neighbor’s sidewalk, or collect food for shelters.food for shelters.

By giving to others, your child can feel a real sense of accomplishment.By giving to others, your child can feel a real sense of accomplishment.

Give your child more responsibilities and Give your child more responsibilities and freedom as they grow older…freedom as they grow older…

At least once a year, rethink the rules you set for your child.At least once a year, rethink the rules you set for your child.

Teach your child to set goals.Teach your child to set goals. Five-step process:Five-step process:

(1)(1) Beginning of week, help child identify one challenging (but attainable) goal. Beginning of week, help child identify one challenging (but attainable) goal. (i.e. getting to bus stop on time every day, getting 90% on spelling test).(i.e. getting to bus stop on time every day, getting 90% on spelling test).(2)(2) Write goal on paper and post on refrigerator.Write goal on paper and post on refrigerator.(3)(3) Talk about how to accomplish goal. Break down into smaller steps. Talk about how to accomplish goal. Break down into smaller steps.

(i.e. Lay out clothes at night, set alarm clock 15 minutes earlier, study a few (i.e. Lay out clothes at night, set alarm clock 15 minutes earlier, study a few words each night of week).words each night of week).

(4)(4) As week progresses, ask how things are going. If problems come up, talk about As week progresses, ask how things are going. If problems come up, talk about possible solutions.possible solutions.

(5)(5) At the end of the week, evaluate with child how well they did. Was goal achieved? At the end of the week, evaluate with child how well they did. Was goal achieved? Why or why not?Why or why not?

Most important, praise child for trying. Then set a new goal for the next Most important, praise child for trying. Then set a new goal for the next week.week.

Every time your child accomplishes a goal successfully, he/she is building Every time your child accomplishes a goal successfully, he/she is building self-esteem to help reach the next goal.self-esteem to help reach the next goal.

Nurture your child’s unique gifts.Nurture your child’s unique gifts. Build on your child’s strengths.Build on your child’s strengths. Your behavior can also show your child that you value their Your behavior can also show your child that you value their

interests. (i.e. If your child is concerned about the environment, interests. (i.e. If your child is concerned about the environment, you could make a family effort to recycle. If your child loves you could make a family effort to recycle. If your child loves sports, you might set aside time each week to watch a game sports, you might set aside time each week to watch a game together).together).

Show your child you love and accept Show your child you love and accept him/her for who they are.him/her for who they are.

Studies have shown that parents who were warm and accepting Studies have shown that parents who were warm and accepting when their children were young had children with high self-esteem when their children were young had children with high self-esteem at age 12.at age 12.

Be careful not to compare siblings to one another. Comparing Be careful not to compare siblings to one another. Comparing children is harmful to self-esteem.children is harmful to self-esteem.

Help each child find and feel good about their own strengths.Help each child find and feel good about their own strengths.

Praise a special effort with a special Praise a special effort with a special reward.reward.

For example, one mom made her child “Queen for a Day” For example, one mom made her child “Queen for a Day” for an outstanding report card!for an outstanding report card!

Show your child how much you love him/her every day.Show your child how much you love him/her every day. 10 ways to say “I love you” 10 ways to say “I love you”

(1)(1) When you & your child are around other adults, include them in your conversations with them.When you & your child are around other adults, include them in your conversations with them.(2)(2) If your child breaks something, help them fix it.If your child breaks something, help them fix it.(3)(3) When your child says, “Watch me,” take time to watch them.When your child says, “Watch me,” take time to watch them.(4)(4) When your child says, “Read me a story,” treat it as the most wonderful invitation you’ll receive all When your child says, “Read me a story,” treat it as the most wonderful invitation you’ll receive all

day.day.(5)(5) Say “I love you” as often as you can. Make sure you say it at least 2 times—just before your child Say “I love you” as often as you can. Make sure you say it at least 2 times—just before your child

leaves for school or you leave for work, and the last thing before turning out the light.leaves for school or you leave for work, and the last thing before turning out the light.(6)(6) Take up a new hobby or sport with your child. Spend time learning it together. Take up a new hobby or sport with your child. Spend time learning it together. (7)(7) Give your child a hug.Give your child a hug.(8)(8) Write notes and put them in your child’s lunch box.Write notes and put them in your child’s lunch box.(9)(9) Sometimes, take your child for ice cream or a special treat “just because you’re such a great kid.”Sometimes, take your child for ice cream or a special treat “just because you’re such a great kid.”(10)(10)Set aside some time to talk with your child every day. During that time, don’t watch television, Set aside some time to talk with your child every day. During that time, don’t watch television,

wash the dishes or pay bills. Just be there.wash the dishes or pay bills. Just be there.

Focus on the positive.Focus on the positive. Don’t ignore behavior that falls short of your expectations. But try to focus on the Don’t ignore behavior that falls short of your expectations. But try to focus on the

positive.positive.

Always keep two pictures by your child’s bedside.Always keep two pictures by your child’s bedside. A picture of your child surrounded by family and a picture of he/ she doing something A picture of your child surrounded by family and a picture of he/ she doing something

they love. they love. The first picture will remind your child that they are loved.The first picture will remind your child that they are loved. The second picture will remind your child that they are capable.The second picture will remind your child that they are capable. Change pictures often and their self-esteem will grow.Change pictures often and their self-esteem will grow.

Be careful of “over parenting.”Be careful of “over parenting.” Some parents make such an effort to help their children be successful that they don’t let Some parents make such an effort to help their children be successful that they don’t let

their kids learn for themselves.their kids learn for themselves. These parents think they’re helping, but the message their sending is, “You are not These parents think they’re helping, but the message their sending is, “You are not

capable of doing this by yourself. I must help you or you will fail.”capable of doing this by yourself. I must help you or you will fail.” Let your child try…and fail…and try again.Let your child try…and fail…and try again.

Help your children build family pride.Help your children build family pride. Teach child about relatives as far back on family tree as possible.Teach child about relatives as far back on family tree as possible. Talk about country or countries from which their ancestors came.Talk about country or countries from which their ancestors came. Read books about heritage.Read books about heritage. Talk about famous people who share same background.Talk about famous people who share same background. Teach about different cultures.Teach about different cultures. Help child learn that all people have many reasons to be proud.Help child learn that all people have many reasons to be proud.

Don’t use hurtful words.Don’t use hurtful words. ““Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,”

isn’t true! Words used as a parent can either build your child’s self-isn’t true! Words used as a parent can either build your child’s self-esteem…or destroy it.esteem…or destroy it.

Expressions that can build self-esteemExpressions that can build self-esteem Knowing you, I’m sure you will do fine.Knowing you, I’m sure you will do fine. You can do it if you try.You can do it if you try. I have faith in you.I have faith in you. You’re trying your hardest and your work will pay off.You’re trying your hardest and your work will pay off. I can see you put a lot of effort into that.I can see you put a lot of effort into that. You can figure it out.You can figure it out. That was a good try. Don’t worry about the mistake.That was a good try. Don’t worry about the mistake.

Expressions that can hurt a child’s self-esteemExpressions that can hurt a child’s self-esteem You usually make mistakes, so be careful.You usually make mistakes, so be careful. I doubt that you can do it.I doubt that you can do it. You can do better.You can do better. That’s a good job, but the corners are ragged.That’s a good job, but the corners are ragged. Better get some help.Better get some help. If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all. That looks too difficult for you to try.That looks too difficult for you to try.

Promote self-discipline.Promote self-discipline. To do this:To do this:

Enforce family rules (i.e. about bedtime, not eating sweets Enforce family rules (i.e. about bedtime, not eating sweets before meals, picking up toys at the end of the day, etc.)before meals, picking up toys at the end of the day, etc.)

Establish orderly routines at home. Let your child know clearly Establish orderly routines at home. Let your child know clearly what is expected of them. Rely less and less on parental what is expected of them. Rely less and less on parental discipline and more and more on self-discipline.discipline and more and more on self-discipline.

Expect your child to assume some responsibilities at home. Expect your child to assume some responsibilities at home. (i.e. Younger children- responsibilities might be picking up toys (i.e. Younger children- responsibilities might be picking up toys and feeding pets. Older children can be expected to set table and feeding pets. Older children can be expected to set table and help with dishes.)and help with dishes.)

Help your child learn the skills Help your child learn the skills needed to work with others.needed to work with others.

Give plenty of chances to play with other children.Give plenty of chances to play with other children. Show ways to resolve conflicts.Show ways to resolve conflicts. Teach ways to express emotions using “I” statements. (i.e. Teach ways to express emotions using “I” statements. (i.e.

“I feel angry when you do that…”“I feel angry when you do that…” As children grow older, their relations with friends become As children grow older, their relations with friends become

an important part of their self-esteem.an important part of their self-esteem.

Make yours an “equal opportunity” Make yours an “equal opportunity” household.household.

Children’s self-esteem will flourish if they’re allowed to Children’s self-esteem will flourish if they’re allowed to develop their own talents and interests.develop their own talents and interests.

Use self-fulfilling prophesies.Use self-fulfilling prophesies. Take a minute to identify the positive behavior you see Take a minute to identify the positive behavior you see

from your child. (i.e. when your child does their homework from your child. (i.e. when your child does their homework without nagging, say, “You are being responsible.” When without nagging, say, “You are being responsible.” When your child has cleaned his room, take a minute to say, “You your child has cleaned his room, take a minute to say, “You are being very helpful.” When your child offers to share a are being very helpful.” When your child offers to share a toy, say, “You are a generous person.”toy, say, “You are a generous person.”

When children hear these positive messages repeated over When children hear these positive messages repeated over and over (and when they are matched with their own and over (and when they are matched with their own behaviors), they begin to think of themselves as behaviors), they begin to think of themselves as responsible, helpful, generous people—and to act in ways responsible, helpful, generous people—and to act in ways that reinforce their images of themselves.that reinforce their images of themselves.

• Experts say that the secret to developing Experts say that the secret to developing healthy self-esteem is simple:healthy self-esteem is simple:

Make sure the praise you give is deserved. Make sure the praise you give is deserved.

Children know when they’ve done Children know when they’ve done something well or tried their best, and something well or tried their best, and that’s when praise is important. Children that’s when praise is important. Children thrive on deserved praise and learn from thrive on deserved praise and learn from it!it!

When it comes to children’s self-esteem, When it comes to children’s self-esteem, there is simply no doubt that parents there is simply no doubt that parents make all the difference in the world!make all the difference in the world!

• Information taken from:Information taken from:

The Parent InstituteThe Parent Institute

www.parent-institute.comwww.parent-institute.com

This powerpoint is available on the This powerpoint is available on the school’s website: school’s website: http://ecboe.org/hbeshttp://ecboe.org/hbes

Go to the school counselor’s page (Tanya Ragan)Go to the school counselor’s page (Tanya Ragan)