Volume One: Bruises by Jessica.R.W

7/30/2019 Volume One: Bruises by Jessica.R.W

1/51

1 | Jessica.R.W; V o l u m e O n e : B r u i s e s

Bruises

Volume 1


2/51


A journey marking my bruises on an inked paper map


3/51


With heart shaped burns on my palms.

You marked me yours,

I did not mind.

I did not mind.


4/51


I light you a cigarette, a stranger to me,

and a bond is formed.

Of two lonely smokers,

stood out on the empty streets,

nowhere to go,

no one to go to.

Nursing our flames of regret and comfort.

Nothing is needed to be said,

we silently understand each other.

It is a bond only secret smokers know.


5/51


One night we should spend together

One you will not forget

Your bed will become our ocean

The sheets our waves

Get sucked beneath

Ill kiss you gently

On your lips

Along your neck

Across your collarbones

Down your chest

Our soundtrack will be Bon Iver

And your breathless voice

Mixed with mine

Will resonate around our tangled bodies

The fear of being alone ceases to exist

Because I will have you

And you will have me

If only for a night.


6/51


Youre a liar

and so am I

but you look so good

when your shirts all off.

Were almost there

hes on his way down

You must try harder

If you want me now.


7/51


There is a place Id like to take you

My solitude, my fortress, my lonely island.

The place I go to hide from reality

A place of comfort and peace

A world of dreaming and ease.

It allows me protection from the outside creatures

We could both stay here for a while

Maybe a day or two

My bed, Id like to share with you.


8/51


Black & blue bruises

all over her knees

Red stained wrists

with strawberry laced lips

Won the battle

But lost the war

A lady forgotten once more


9/51


Let me feel your touch

trace my skin like a map

over my hills and valleys

explore me with your lips

and your resolute hands

break the boundaries

and cross the distance

for my skin

with your skin

tonight.


10/51


A kiss and a hand hold

gives a head rush and a shake through

What is it you do?

You disarm me

A goodbye comes quick

short and unwilling

but perhaps Ill see you soon

Youre something that could be.

Forever waiting too long

finding you, then losing you

to a city much brighter

than what I could ever hope to be


11/51


Transpire to me

We can cease to exist somewhere new

Only me and you

Reliant on the sparks

That cast shadow in our hearts.


12/51


A voice captured in time

creating lyrics and melody

is all I have presently.

however;

Your voice in close proximity

would be a gift to me

if we had absolute infinity.


13/51


A snowy afternoon

I spend in the cemetery.

Flowers on graves

turned white by Jack.

A sense of peace is given

by sleeping souls at rest.

Mothers, fathers, sons, daughters

laid under the Earth

covered by their winter leaves.

While distant; theyre calm and still at last.


14/51


Disarmed to the bone

Stripped by your aesthetics

Youve broken my golden rules

Wary and scared

I find youve planted yourself into my mind

You have 2 options now;

A) Leave. Tear my flesh apart and escape.

B) Stay. Bury yourself deeper and keep comfort.

All thats to be said is;

I hope you choose option B


15/51


Your deepest secrets

are ones Id like to know.

I want to hear the words

stumble out of your mouth

like beautiful stones,

that will break my bones,

and tear my skin;

causing a hole

that can only be filled

by the presence of you


16/51


Scarred by past ghosts

that still haunt my thoughts

and ignite my doubts

its alright he said

Lets take a ride

and begin this now.

You understand I wont leave this

till I can make your smile last forever

I may be perfect in your eyes

but in mine its all lies.

Ill tread water carefully

afraid to break my heart

Hope should set you free

I would like to give it you.

Dont walk away

You made this magical

I want this to be more

You are the inspiration I need

I am the rock for you to lean.


17/51


A home Id like to build with you

our own fortress surrounded by trees

No harm may prevail to you

Safety is key in our home of you

I will fill it with words

and you with melody

Our home it will be

just me and you.


18/51


Exit signs and departing flights

Airports cast their low lights;

Im longing for your voice again,

and the sight of your eyes in mine.

Weve been spending far too much time apart

Your voice I hear on the phone

A ghost asking if I am okay

I ask how many hearts did you break today?

Ive travelled fifteen thousand miles

and left my mark all over this land

Im quietly taking my leave

another thousand miles shouldnt be too hard.

And has anything changed?

I guess well see in fourteen more days.

We used to be so young,

nowadays I feel eighty years old.


19/51


I gave both my heart

and my body to you

I gave you my secrets

and gave you my lies

I showed you my skin

and showed you my scars

but it wasnt enough

was it my dear?

you still left

Now you are my lies

and you are my scars;

burnt out the entirety of my stars


20/51


The brave, lion heart

with a quiet, little roar

that hums love and care

for twenty years we adore

(for my Mum on Mothers day 2013)


21/51


Today;

our lack of words

is a silent convey

it drives me mad

and sends a dismay

that causes insanity

Today;

i wish i could be there

to share the pain

and kneel to your prayer

that allows me to fight

and stand as guard

Today;

i learn new things

lost without your guide

empty words falter my wings

find strength to no longer hide

while tonight, I fall to your side


22/51


sometimes I catch you looking

at me like Im something beautiful

that might fade and decay away

but the words that leave your mouth

are nothing more than sugar coated lies

because how can I believe

when all Ive been taught

is that words and kisses

they drip like honey

that burns like acid

revealing my skin raw

and my wrists laddered

with little white scars.


23/51


And through the sand

mirages a sea of blue

and then I know, I know

Im in love with you.


24/51


Before me,

there were many

who held your heart

and knew your scars.

I can only retrace

their lines left on your skin

and kiss those lips

that have already been stained.

Others have lay their heads

where I lay mine on your chest

and have ran hands down

and over your surface that I touch

Your secrets have already been told

and thoughts been shared

I am not the first, I know

but I hope,

I can be the last.


25/51


If I could

I would cut my heart out

from my chest, and serve it to you

on a silver platter coated with gold

so you could really see

the pain and the love

you cause to me

and the raw bloody hole left

will drip crimson down my chest

and no band-aid will fix this mess.


26/51


Six sides, locked shut

Unopened like Pandoras boxSquare hole, buried deep

For no mans eyes to see8 feet under, dead and goneLie my feelings for you son

Retrievable with labourTrust could make a saviourBut the trust lays at the bottomof my buried heart shaped box.


27/51


Young hearts beating together

pounding into one anothers flesh

carving blinding words out of coldest weather

Spitting out acid from mouths

and dripping down with burning new eyes.

Standing together holding hands

out of a feeling of trepidation

Warnings of exploding minds

casting to one everlasting soul

Finally standing tall with no more temptation.

Ripping from the seams with a tear

allowing the suture of wounds together

bruising begins to form black and blue marks

animalistic forms start to wear uncovering human

At last and at once we find the salvation


28/51


And with the strength I have left

I cast my broken body into the sea

And hope it makes its way to thee

Else tides carry it to lonely shores

to be lost and forgotten a once more.


29/51


Cold nights spent awake;

I think of your face

and that expression you pull

that tells me you want me.

I imagine your breath on my neck

and deep bite marks you trail down

all the way to my heaving chest.

I dream of your touch

and your light finger tips

running down my curved hips.

I wish your warm body

to be pressed against mine

with these cold nights spent awake.


30/51


Have you ever been

lying in your lovers arms

And had an image of

your slashed wrists

and red stained tiles

flash through your mind?


31/51


Brick by brick I laid

the foundations of an image

I had of you;

While, brick by brick you built

a wall to surround yourself

for solitary protection.

It started an image

and became a home;

my hand built safety thats

left my hands bloody and raw

And all at once my home fell down

but your wall remained tall.

So allow me to break your wall

the way it was built; brick by brick

So together we can rebuild a home

that heals my scarred hands

and makes brave your lone soul.

Because who wants one wall

when you can have an entire home.


32/51


As the fires blind raged

my head got so lost

beneath the sea of you

The flames rose higher

and I floated as I watched

the world burn from under me.

The flowers grew in ashy remains

I washed up on blackened shores

I climbed this highway line

on top I could see the beauty

Miles and miles

of your heart.

The smoke blew wild, we felt young

childish screams we dived

hands entangled and entwined

he turned and said to me

tear the veins from your broken hands

we took still all our claims

and we died.


33/51


fading light

past the sunrise

your body wrapped on mine

your fingers locked so tight.

a sight sore for eyes

we grew up, grew old

a bed left empty

this greed we hold

and we forfeit

lost in darkness

Im chasing you

with quickening youth.

we finally find

dont we darling

this isnt right

Im living alone.

with the waning moon

we dance a lullaby

sends fast dreaming

of our lost youth.


34/51


You have no need to worry

Everything you know fades

and changes, a big storm

hovers over you.

Run to me, bring your ghosts

You know, when the storm settles

I will be here, because I, I love you.

I will not forget your past

I promise to, hold your mind

bruised and broken heart

I will not go. I will stay happy

with you, your fears

become distant memories

because I, I adore you.

Travel far, keep your heart close

Your head may grow weary

then find your way back to me

because I will have stayed

waiting for you, to fix the pieces

and take you home

because I, I still love you.


35/51


A sadness kicks in

shaking and numbing

I turn my words

into my blades

I dont cut my skin

but carve words to my paper

it flows as easily as the blood does

but its not the same relief

as drawing a knife to my wrist

and tearing out my veins from within


36/51


I stand locked out

of a once familiar place

unable to understand

how it possibly got to this

Uncounted years of trying

to find my way back in

I finally lose all my strength

and am forgotten on the other side

of an impalpable brickwall


37/51


I walk down my old streetfull of familiar dark placeslit up by broken streetlampsreminding me of a simpler timeand a happier me.The stone houses on eitherside are locked and emptyI recall your eyes to be something similarAnd I wonder, is loving someone

supposed to cast this much shadow?


38/51


Winter days fade into summer nights

and I still sit and wait for you

Dark nights become filled with light

But my head lays down low.

A lost puppy waiting for its owner

I wait by my phone for a reply

But silence stares, nobody rings.

Youre busy being alone

Filling your lungs with such poison

Trying to escape from your world

You must forget Im here

But Ive reminded you so many times

I must just be furthest from your mind.

Soon Autumn leaves may fall

But I can no longer wait for you.


39/51


i.

It was time to leave

so you walked me to the bus stop

you masked your face with a blank expression

and when I squeezed your hand

your grip on mine loosened off.

ii.

I worried Id lose you tonight

but mind could not form words

and my mouth refused to open

for any attempt to fix this.

iii.

I did not want to go

my feet dragged while you pulled me along

we reached the bus stop early

I looked into your hollow eyes

that appeared to be fighting tears.

iv.

You asked me what was wrong

and still my mouth kept closed

my bus was leaving so I kissed you quick

but your cold lips showed no reply

so I turned my back and I left

v.

My ride home hurt

as my mouth finally opened

and I sat at the back and cried

with the realisation that

I may havejust fucked it all up.


40/51


We could raises our glasses

high to the sky in a vain attempt

at being better than what we are

Even at thirteen thousand feet

you could never tell me how you think

you would use the clouds as a mask

to hide yourself from my eyes and my touch

and you would use the rain as a deflection

of my questions about this reality we seek

Take your mind off her, erase her

well I wish I could replace her

you see, were a plane crash waiting to happen

the warning signs are lit in my mind

as I clutch at anything for asafety of kind

but I dont think any seat-belt or life raft

could ever prepare me and save me from this.


41/51


Raindrops hit the dead street

and light bounces, reflecting.

I found you down an alleyway

lost, hidden beneath a cardboard box

surrounded by empty beer bottles, drunk.

A dirty man, eyes cracked open

a smile spread across your face

your angel had come, saint.

Grabbed you by your wrist

pulled your up, took you home

back to my place, undress.

Your hands around my face

we kissed my legs around your waist

your breath down my neck, fuck.

We laid together on the floor,

the ceiling became our picture show

my doubts came creeping, dead.

You disappeared, never really there,

this was a story I made up

an attempt to hold your memory, alive.

But this flame went out long ago.


42/51


The wine I take

I take to forget you

to erase the beatings you handed

after one wrong word I spoke

a hand to my face, youd hit.

The cigarettes I smoke

I smoke so my lungs fill

with red ash that burns

To carry on your trace

my self inflicting grace

After, this is all I know

Your anger directed to me

Your teared face finding mine

eyes beg for forgiveness

resist flashes the anger back

So I accept and forgive

To live in fear of the person you become

when you take that poison bottle in.


43/51


I dont want an extravagance

of flowers sent to my door

that smell like fresh spring

I dont want to be called a beauty

with eyes that shine ever bright

like an eighth wonder of the world

I dont want you to present me with jewels

I can wear around my neck that sparkle with the sun

or diamonds I can place on my fingers

I dont need the generic romance

All I ask is for your simple comfort when Im sad

for small words to keep me going

through my dark days

All I need is to be able to find your light

which you have kept so hidden

I only need you to try

Without this light

I become afraid

Ill be lost in this darkness

Without you as my guide.


44/51


I remember a time

when I didnt have a forrest fire

searing though my bones

Its burning branches coil around

my throat, I choke

Ashy remains of my heart I cough up

inside the flames rise higher

I await the crows pecking at my eyes

and the maggots to bury deep inside

This fire continues to eat me alive.


45/51


We both take in drugs to cope

To get that satisfactory high

that deals this numbing agent

straight to our brain, forget all pain

Our drugs define us and our future

both only to end six feet under

Your dealer provides pills

My dealer hands me a razor

Sugar high drugs induce affects

reaching climax, a cool breeze state

a sense of calm finally passes through

My climax hits as blood runs red like hate.

Coming down you crash like waves

to your pillow, a place gone comatose

Blood dries up with my stained sheets

I drift, my mind gone blank it is my fast cheat.

Long term is apparent on your inside

Emotionally raw and used up by blunts

See, I wear my scars on my sleeve

The white lines Ive overcome

Im proud, Im done. Are you?


46/51


You take another hit

with a little white pill

to be removed from all reality

You dont want to hear

what anyone has to say.

You take yourself away

from such unspeakable pain

Shut everyone out

close your mind down

You dont want to talk right now.

This is your broken heart

ruined and grey, lost in the dirt

Come on, let me in

Well find better ways

to deal with your pain.

So many days ago

you buried your soul to a grave

she stole your life, a piece of heart

Every day its hard to cope

your feet get so unsteady.

I dont want to dig another grave

for one more ruined heart

I promise you

well find better ways

to deal with your pain.


47/51


I fall in love, not with

the sound of your

voice in the morning early

or with your timid smile

when I find you close in the night

nor with your grin when I snake

my hand though yours tight.

I fall in love with the sadness

deep in your eyes

the one you try so often to hide

with your undoubtful strength

and unwavering love for her and her lost life

I fall for the quiet moments we share

and the hopeful future we may have

someday

soon

somewhere.


48/51


My heart no longer beats

in the same way

Instead it cracks every day

Im slowly learning

you are everything to me

while I am nothing to you

Breaking point reaches

these angels have left me

footsteps in the snow

patience runs slow

I can no longer wait

for you to fall into me.

Is this all we can be?


49/51


maybe tonight I could stop dreaming

instead of hiding, start believing

I can step out of the darkness

so you can see me in a new light

before I leave forever again

leaving behind this fairy-tale

storing in my heart reality instead

with this sunset I fade out again

strangers in the street we meet

your eyes catch me again

lost in my dreaming again

but I step away from the games

I cant play with the flames

even if they bring light

they burn out my life

shadowing my dreaming


50/51


Im left up here

an angel struck my face

a faint dust trail

moves through you

I find your name.

From forest greens

to fires blazing

you tread this ground

breaking your promises

this not all too kind.

I raise the dead

as I find your grave

a life restored

you gave me a light

we shall not break

I marveled at your strength

as I fell in tangled roots

painting a picture of you

I lost you in the dark

Mothers searching for you

shes coming soon

you lost her on the dark

side of the moon

a missing half to you.

England broke your bones

you smoke on Sundays

this highway line you follow

takes a toll on you

I still see the beauty in you.


51/51


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Volume One: Bruises by Jessica.R.W

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Transcript of Volume One: Bruises by Jessica.R.W