Vol. 18 Issue 21 · LOS ANGELES'S FULL NAME IS "EL PUEBLO DE NUESTRA SENORA LA REINA DE LOS ANGELES...
Transcript of Vol. 18 Issue 21 · LOS ANGELES'S FULL NAME IS "EL PUEBLO DE NUESTRA SENORA LA REINA DE LOS ANGELES...
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Vol. 18 Issue 21 All Rights Reserved © 2020
YOU LIVE IN CALIFORNIA IF You make over $250,000 and don’t own a suit or a tie.
You can't afford to buy a house
and you’re rich.
The fastest part of your com-
mute is going down your driveway.
You know how to eat an arti-
choke.
You feel strongly that
surfing could end global
warming.
Your bedtime prayer starts
with the word “Dude”.
YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY IF Your first words were, “Hey, Taxi!”
You think Central Park IS 'nature,'
You've worn out your car horn.
You recognize eye contact as an act of aggression.
YOU LIVE IN THE
SOUTH IF You can rent a movie and
buy bait in the same store.
'y'all' is singular and 'all
y'all' is plural.
'He needed killin''' is a
valid defense.
Everyone has 2 first
names: Billy Bob , Mary
Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
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ANYONE WITH MONEY TO BURN WILL ALWAYS FIND HIMSELF SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WITH MATCHES
I'M ADDICTED TO PLACEBOS. I'D GIVE THEM UP, BUT IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE
ARE YOU AFFLICTED? LOOK UNTO JESUS
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I USED TO WORK IN A FIRE HYDRANT FACTORY. YOU COULDN'T PARK ANYWHERE NEAR THE PLACE
I AM ONE OF THOSE OLD-FASHIONED MINISTERS WHO BELIEVE THE WHOLE BIBLE AND EVERYTHING THAT IT CONTAINS - J.C. RYLE
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LOS ANGELES'S FULL NAME IS "EL PUEBLO DE NUESTRA SENORA LA REINA DE LOS ANGELES DE PORCIUNCULA."
LIFE OF THE PARTY On a fine Arizona afternoon a man was spotted driving along
the highway at a steady speed, when he
suddenly indicated right and pulled
off onto the shoulder. He quickly
jumped out of the car and opened
the trunk. From a large bag, he pro-
duced a party hat, streamers, a bottle
of lemonade, sandwiches and a cake.
After eating the food and drinking the lem-
onade, he launched into a little Irish jig.
The whole proceedings lasted about fifteen minutes, after
which he got back in his car and drove off.
Curious, the police followed him at a distance and half an
hour later, they saw him stop and repeat the whole procedure.
This was too much for the officers, so they decided to check
him out.
"Can we ask you the reason for all the stops and
the food, drink and Irish jigs?" one of the officers
asked.
"Well, sir," explained the man, "I'm on the
company's outin'."
"But you're the only one here," argued the
officer.
"Yeah, I know," replied the man. "I'm self-
employed!"
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GODLY THOUGHTS ARE THE KEY TO GODLY ACTIONS - DR. CHARLES STANLEY
I'M NOT JUST A GARDENER, I'M A PLANT MANAGER
EXCEPTIONS PROVE THE RULE ... AND WRECK THE BUDGET
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CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU AND TELL YOU GREAT AND UNSEARCHABLE THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW. JEREMIAH 33:3
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WHEN WE TRUST JESUS AS OUR SAVIOR, OUR SINS ARE FORGIVEN FOREVER—CHARLES STANLEY
"DON'T GO AROUND SAYING THE WORLD OWES YOU A LIVING. THE WORLD OWES YOU NOTHING. IT WAS HERE FIRST" - MARK TWAIN
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HANG ON! YOU MAY BE NEXT IN LINE FOR A MIRACLE!
I JUST ASKED MY HUSBAND IF HE REMEMBERS WHAT TODAY IS... SCARING MEN IS SO EASY
* A swarm of 20,000 bees followed a
car for two days because their queen
was inside the vehicle. The insects
were removed by a beekeeper after the
car was parked, but were back the next
day, as the queen was still inside.
* Peter Ostrum, who portrayed Charlie Bucket in the original
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," declined the offer of a
three-picture deal and bought a horse with his movie earn-
ings. His resulting love for animals led him to pursue a career
not as an actor, but a veterinarian.
* During World War II, Coca-Cola wanted soldiers to have a
taste of home and opened bottling plants near Europe. How-
ever, the soda was synonymous with the States, making it
problematic for non-Americans to be seen drinking it, espe-
cially in the Soviet Union where it was viewed as a symbol of
American imperialism. Soviet Gen. Marshal Georgy Zhukov,
a fan who didn't want to be seen consuming it himself, ap-
pealed to the company to make a clear version. A chemist at
the Austrian bottling plant obliged by removing the drink's
coloring, after which "White Coke" was bottled in clear glass
with a white cap and red star.
* "Jeopardy" fan Cindy Stowell dreamed nearly her entire life
of being a contestant on the show. In 2016 she successfully
auditioned and became a six-time champion even while bat-
tling Stage 4 cancer during filming. Sadly, she didn't live to
see her episodes air, but her $103,000 in winnings was do-
nated to cancer organizations.
* "Alice in Wonderland" author Lewis Carroll wasn't the best
at personal finance. Sure, he paid his debts on time, but
would also often overdraft upwards of 7,500 pounds sterling -
- in spite of being a mathematics scholar at Ox-
ford!
* The Vatican Bank is the world's only
bank that allows ATM users to perform
transactions in Latin.
Thought for the Day: "Failure is a
bruise, not a tattoo." -- Jon Sinclair
(c) 2020 King Features Synd., Inc.
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