Unethical Speech Breaking A Damaging Habit

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Lesson Description

Unethical Speech is a destructive force in any relationship whether it shows up in one’s personal or private life.

Learn why this is one of the top habits I recommend you eliminate from your behavioral repertoire and discover how to accomplish this tremendously important task.

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Definition

Unethical Speech is any derogatory or damaging statement against an individual.

It can be anything which, if it would be publicized, would cause the subject physical or monetary damage or would cause him anguish or fear.

Unethical speech can also be speech that will incite or increase the listener's ill feelings against another person.

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Examples of Unethical Speech

Repeating confidential information.

Disparaging another (even if the information is true!) or yourself.

Negative comments made as a joke.

Bringing up a person’s negative past.

Discussing the shortcomings of another (even if they are true).

Tale-bearing.4

Damages Caused By Unethical Speech

Cuts speaker off from good things.

Damages people, relationships and reputations.

Wastes time.

Maintains the problem.

Breeds misunderstanding, closed thinking.

Creates a negative impact on your mind and body.

People who gossip to you will eventually gossip about you.

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Why do we do it?

Creates the illusion of bonding.

Feels good.

Seeing the negative in others is a manifestation of our unconscious mind telling us there is a problem with ourselves.

Unethical Speech enables us to avoid responsibility and takes the focus off of ourselves and some area of pain to which we are holding on.

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How can we stop?

A principle from the field of Neuro-Psychology states that you cannot create change in a vacuum.

In other words, you cannot stop a behavior without replacing it with another behavior that is equally accessible and one that fulfills the same purpose.

What new behavior creates bonding, feels good and causes true intimacy?

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We can overcome our animalistic impulse to demean others by practicing a concept I call Mindful Positive Intention (MPI).

When you see someone doing something, and you can assign either a negative intention to that person’s actions or a positive intention, then assign a positive intention.

This is the first step in the MPI process.

Mindful Positive Intention (MPI)

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1. Imagine the person engaging in the specific behaviors as you first became aware of them and that could lead to Unethical Speech. For example, visualize someone that you have damaging information about (Tom used to do drugs).

2. Instead of repeating that knowledge to another person, force yourself to have Mindful Positive Intention and imagine what outcomes Tom was after through doing drugs in his past (e.g. he needed immediate stress relief, they helped him cope with grief, he was in great emotional pain and he reached out to drugs rather than kill himself, etc.).

3. Ask yourself if you have always behaved perfectly in every situation in which you have been in pain, were grieving, or felt stressed?

4. Would you want to be captured on camera, filmed in detail at your weak moments in life only to have them broadcast to those friends, family and strangers?

5. Get in touch with the feeling of empathy for Tom.

6. Now imagine a future scenario in which you would have been tempted to engage in Unethical Speech about Tom and while holding onto the feeling of empathy for Tom, watch yourself practice more appropriate behaviors.

Seeing another through the MPI process immediately transforms the other person and you.

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When Unethical Speech Becomes Ethical Speech

You may need to repeat damaging information in order to help others if:

You witness theft or damage to property.

You witness a person damaging someone’s reputation and no amends have been made.

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Six conditions must be met to use Unethical Speech:

1. You must have witnessed the incident yourself, rather than knowing about it from rumor.

2. You should take care to think through what you witnessed and not make hasty conclusions.

3. You should first approach the the person who has committed the offense and clarify what you saw with him. If your facts are straight, you should encourage the person to make the situation right. If he does not listen then you may inform others of the individual's guilt.

4. NEVER exaggerate the offense for dramatic effect or any other reason. Do not add to words or actions at all. Do not leave out any detail that may cause the listener to misconstrue the information.

5. You must have pure intentions. They can include any of the following:

a. You believe it is possible to help the victim. This is indicated by only speaking to other people who are capable of helping him.

b. It is possible the wrongdoer will make up for his actions and improve himself.

6. If your pure intentions can be achieved in another way, you should not use unethical speech.

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As a general rule, if you engage in the same behavior as the wrongdoer that

you have witnessed, you should not publicize the incident.

Congruency Test

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Should you listen to Unethical Speech?

Will the information have future relevance to me, or will I be in a position a situation to speak to offending individual in order to bring about some positive outcome?If the answer is yes, then it is permissible to listen to the information.

Although you are permitted to listen to the information, the you should not treat the information as true when you hear it. You should apply “innocent until proven guilty” as you investigate the matter.

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Practice and review.

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Next Steps

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