YOU’RE A SUPER BOWL FAN POSER

YOU’RE ALL ABOUT THE LITTLE SMOKIES.

Sure, you’re planning to watch Super Bowl XLVII this Sunday. But are you really

a fan, or just making a sad attempt to hang out with the cool kids by pretending

to love football? Here are the Top 10 Signs You’re a Football Fan Poser.

YOU DON’T KNOW WHICH TEAMS ARE PLAYING.

And the free beer and pizza. Football game? What football game?

Clearly, you’ve heard the hype about the Mercedes-Benz commercial with Kate Upton washing a Mercedes in slow motion wearing daisy-dukes and a tank top. Relax. It won’t even air until the fourth quarter.

YOU’RE COUNTING THE MINUTES UNTIL THE MERCEDES COMMERCIAL.

YOU DON’T KNOW THE RULES.

When you keep saying things like, “Now explain what a first down is again?” everyone in the room knows you don’t really care about football. Or your reputation, apparently. If you are over the age of eight and you’re at a SuperBowl party, you should know the basic rules of the game.

YOU SPEND THE ENTIRE FIRST HALF DISCUSSING WHICH QUARTERBACK IS CUTER.

Just a little hint: it’s not “the red team” and “the white team.” It’s the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens.

Is it Joe Flacco or Colin Kaepernick? We surely do miss the Tom Brady days, when the Hottest Quarterback Contest winner was a given.

YOU SPEND THE ENTIRE SECOND HALF DISCUSSING WHICH TEAM’S CHEERLEADERS ARE CUTER.

If the party includes wives and girlfriends, this just makes you look like a chauvinistic jerk. Yes, everyone at the party can see that the girls are half-naked. Loudly praising the merits of the cheerleader’s navels, abs or other body parts could get you thrown out in the snow. Or worse.

YOU CHEER EVERY TIME EITHER TEAM MAKES A TOUCHDOWN.

No one in the room wants to hear your theory on how cheering for both sides shows good sportsmanship. Pick a team and stick to it. If you don’t have a team, it might be prudent to survey the room to see which team has the majority.

30 SECONDS TO THE HALF, SCORE IS 17-20... AND YOU’RE CHATTERING ABOUT BEYONCE.

Shut up already. You can watch Beyonce lip-sync after this last crucial play.

YOU’RE WEARING TIGHT JEANS.

Rookie mistake. All that fat and salt-laden Super Bowl party food and beer is sure to leave you bloated by halftime. This is the only party of the year where you can wear sweatpants.

YOU CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THAT GUY WHO WAS ON DANCING WITH THE STARS.

Um... that was Emmitt Smith. Not Alex Smith. There are so many differences between the two that we can’t even begin to count them.