Today's Objective:Analyze Effective Essay

Organization and Balance of Description and Reflection

How We Will Get There:Create Visual Representation of Sample Essay, Discuss Effectiveness, Discuss Description and Reflection, Write Snapshots and Thoughtshots

Essays that Worked--Connecticut College

-Founded in 1911, private Liberal Arts College-highly selective, residential college-Student: Faculty Ration=9:1-average class size is 18, 63% are 20 or below-average scholarship award is $29,000-in New London, Connecticut overlooking Long Island Sound

 Dear Prospective Applicant:Writing the essay for a college application can be one of the more dreaded parts of the application process for students.Admission officers are painfully aware of that fact, and we answer many questions about the role and purpose of the essay: "How much does it count?", "What should I write about?" and "How do I know if an experience is 'significant' or not?" are common queries. Writer's block often arises as you worry about offering a pithy snapshot of your life and academic prowess in three typewritten pages or less.The admission staff at Connecticut College compiled the following collection of outstanding essays to help you approach your own personal statement with confidence and excitement. Through the range of responses these students took, you will see that the essay - as a sample of writing and a reflection of your interests and values - can take many forms. While there is not any "right" or "wrong" topic, some approaches offer a bit more creativity and fluency than others. The samples we have selected reflect this idea.Each of these essayists was offered admission to Connecticut College, and each matriculated at the College. The writing samples they submitted often played an important role in obtaining the coveted "fat letter" on April 1.Your college essay provides a wonderful opportunity to share your thoughts with the Admission Committee and to let us see another side of you. Enjoy the experience. Remember that we look forward to reading your work and getting to know you a little bit better. Good luck as you face the computer screen! Sincerely,Martha Merrill '84 Dean of Admission and Financial Aid

Small Groups--Visual Representation of Essay

OrganizationPurpose:  to analyze organization and balance of description and reflection in effective college essays.

Process:1.  Read through the sample essay together and identify areas of description and reflection (2 different colored highlighters work well for this)2.  As a group, discuss the overall organization and the balance of description and reflection in the essay3.  Create a visual representation that communicates the organization of the essay and the balance of description and reflection.  Please include some words and phrases from the essay as part of your visual. Deliverable:  Be prepared to explain your essay and your visual representation to other groups.   

Sea of Experience and Mountain of Reflection

 

Today's Objective:Apply Revision Strategies to

Draft #1 of College Essay

How We Will Get There:Adding Snapshots and Thoughtshots, Exploding

a Moment, Discussing Tension in the Essay, Analyze Ending Types, Revising at the

Sentence Level

Discuss

1.  Based on the visual representations you saw and the essays you read, what is the most effective balance of description and reflection?  What is the best way to organize your essay?

2.  Consider the first draft of your college essay.  At this point, how would you describe your organization?  Balance of description and reflection?  What changes might you make as you continue revising?

Description and Reflection--Snapshots and Thoughtshots

Snapshot:  As a writer, you have a magic camera that you can point at the world and create snapshots that contain smells and sounds as well as colors and light.  A snapshot is when you choose a moment in time, zoom in, and describe all of the aspects of that moment using as much detail as possible.   Thoughtshot:  give insight into what you, or other characters in your story are thinking.  It is stepping back from description of what something looks like to reflection on what is going on.  It is through thoughtshots that you can subtly reveal your thinking on the college essay topic.  You may consider, what was I thinking then?  What do I think now?

Revision Strategy #1-- Adding Snapshots and Thoughtshots

1.  Trade your draft #1 with someone.2.  Read through the entire draft.3. -identify five places in their story where they can add a                                snapshot--label them with an *    -identify 7 places in the story where they can add a thoughtshot             and label them with a #4.  Author:        -consider the suggestions you have been given        -decide where you can add snapshots and thoughtshots        -In the next available writing space, write at least three             snapshots and five thoughtshots that can be added to             your story later on

Tension in the EssayTypes of Tension:1.  Narrative Tension--appeals to reader's desire to know what will happen next.  Will the story unfold in ways I expect?

2.  Causal Tension--problem posed, reader wonders about cause

3.  Emotional Tension--writer feels one way and we expect him or her to feel differently

4.  Thematic Tension--new way of seeing things or interesting juxtaposition

Discuss:  What type of tension do you already have in your essay?  If you don't have any, what type might you add?

Creating Tension

1.  Withholding Information--can be risky, but work if done well

2.  Manipulating time--starting in the middle, at the end, slowing down time

3.  Juxtaposition--interesting placement of moments, ideas, or information in proximity to each other

4.  Questions--raising questions or explicit (if well placed and not overwhelming) Discuss:  What tension strategies have you already used?  What others might you try?

Revision Strategy #3—Exploding a Moment

• Creating Tension: • This revision strategy will help you focus

in on and emphasize the climax of your story. Exploding a moment involves identifying THE moment in your story and then slowing down time—writing about that moment in slow motion in order to emphasize all aspects of the moment. So, you will pick a moment in the story that may have only lasted a few seconds but you will describe it in “slow motion”.

Exploding a Moment Example

“I watched myself begin this horrible deed. My hand seemed to suddenly have a will of its own. I picked up the milk carton. The spout was already open. My arm extended over Carol’s head, tipping the carton. The liquid poured in a slow, steady thick unending stream through her long blonde hair, soaking the back of her clothes and running onto the floor. As the milk reached the floor I shifted the spout slightly to begin another milky journey down the front of her. It poured over her forehead, in the eyes, running in rivers down each side of her nose, converging on the chin and splashing into her plate. Her food was soon awash and the milk spilled over the edge, and ran into her lap. And still I poured on—it was too late to stop now. The rapture of it all. Oh, sweet revenge.”

Exploding a MomentLabel the next available page in your notebook “Revision Strategy #3—Exploding a Moment”• Trade your personal essay with a peer

Peer Responder:• Read the story• Identify and label what you think is “THE moment” in the story—the most

important, significant moment• Hand story back to writer

Writer:• Identify what you think is “THE moment” (may or may not be the same as

the one your peer identified)• On the sheet labeled “Exploding a Moment” write for AT

LEAST TEN MINUTES exploding that moment with as much detail as possible.

EndingsFrom "Taxonomy of Endings" by Bruce Ballenger-The Eureka Ending:  the revelation that explains everything

-The Snake Biting Its Tail:  ending by returning to the beginning -The Dead Horse Ending:  repeats what you already said-The Dallas Ending:  It was only a dream

-The Breakfast to Bed Ending:  began with alarm clock, ends in bed

-The Escape Ending:  seems to end mid-breath -The Trailhead Ending:  Opens a new subject or new question -The Open Door Ending:  willful decision to not answer question -The Joltin' Joe Ending:  suprise -The Seam Tightening Ending:  reaches back into the essay and seizes some significant detail, image or idea and with a final yank the gaps close and the essay makes sense-

The Ending1.  Consider the ending type you have on your first draft.  In the next available writing space, write three alternative endings.  Try out some of the types we discussed.  Label them Ending #1, Ending #2 and Ending #3.

2.  Pass your paper to the right.  Read the three endings and put a star next to the one you like best.  

3.  Pass the paper you have back.  Read the three endings and put a star next to the one you like best.

4.  Return the endings to the author.  Take your endings and go share and discuss them with someone else in the room.   Choose the one you like best. 

Titles

Consider the titles and lead examples.

Write at least three possible titles for your essay.

In Small Group:Allow each person to read each title with the first sentence of his or her essay.  Discuss which title is the best.  Indicate choice. 

Revision at the Sentence Level--Mixin' it Up!

Sentence Variation:1.  Painting with Participles:  -ing verb attached at beginning or end  of sentence.  evokes action.Example:  Hissing, slithering and coiling, the snake moved through the grass.

2.  Adding appositives:  noun that adds second image to preceding noun, amplifies still images or clarifiesExample:  The raccoon, a scavenger, skulks through the night looking for food.

3.  Periodic Sentence:  long sentence in which the completion of sentence (main clause) is delayed until the end; creates suspenseExample:  "Filling the air with their clangor,startling pigeons into flight from every belfry, bringing people into the streets to hear the news, bells rang" 4.  Loose Sentence:  main idea (clause) is placed at the beginning of the sentence and details follow, sentence is open/trails offExample:   "Bells rang, filling the air with their clangor,startling pigeons into flight from every belfry, bringing people into the streets to hear the news."