Tips For Writing

As your proof-read and revise, ask yourself…

1. How is my grammar and spelling?

2. Does my thesis make sense?

3. Do I have evidence that is correctly cited?

4. Does my evidence support my topic sentence and my thesis through the whole paper?

5. Are direct quotes introduced appropriately?

6. Does my commentary / analysis repeat the evidence? (THIS IS BAD)

7. Do I analyze how my evidence connects to my thesis?

8. Do I have an MLA citation mistakes? (period in the wrong place, citation, works cited page, etc.)

9. Is there a title page and works cited page?

Checklist• Thesis is clear• Topic sentences match

body paragraph and thesis• Introduce evidence with

phrase like “According to” if using a direct quote

• Cite evidence in MLA format• Introduce commentary

with phrase like “This shows that…”

• Format: double spaced, 12pnt TNR font, title page, last name page number on top right corner of each page

• Commentary / analysis: 2 sentences, does NOT repeat the info in your detail, explains why it’s important and how it proves your thesis

• Works cited page is in ABC order and correct MLA format

• FORMAL grammar

Body ParagraphWell-Developed Paragraph Formula

1. Topic sentence (must relate to thesis)

2. Detail (can be combined with topic sentence) explaining what the topic is

3. Evidence with citation4. Commentary / analysis about the

detail5. Transition to next paragraph / topic.

Correct Use of Evidence

Evidence: From Amsterdam News, 1923, Boas stated that there is nothing to show that the white race is superior. He proclaimed that there are people of “low moral standing” in all races. He also felt that the definition of race was too vague, “since there are no hard and fast lines between them” (Race Superiority Bunk).

Phrases to start evidence

• According to _________,• In ____________, one learns that

• The author ,_________ ,wrote

• The book, ________, describes

• Research from ______ indicates

• ______ explains

Phrases to start your commentary

• This is important because• One can see that• This shows that• The importance here is• This indicates that • This illustrates that• This demonstrates that• From this information, it is clear that

Transitional phrases

Hint at what's in the next paragraph: On the other hand, there were other areas that had a huge affect on history.

Transitions!

• Also• On the other hand• This lead to• In addition to• Furthermore

• Therefore• After• Another• Eventually• In the same way• This resulted in

In-text citation: options

1. If you mention the author in the the introduction to the quote / evidence, you only have to cite the page number or article title.

According to Professor Bale, of the History department at Yale University… oneself and one’s place in the world" (11).

Notice this example explains who this person is and what his qualification is in order to include him as research

Student example (grammar errors are from the student)

Topic sentence / detail: The Industrial Revolution and capitalism influence the creation of socialism and communism because workers eventually became tired of getting exploited and they creating socialism and communism.

introduction to evidenceEvidence: Karl Marx and Friedrich Engles are considered to be the

creators of the socialist system and also created the Communist Manifesto in 1848, and they believed that they always are two classes fighting, the “haves,” the bourgeoisies, and the “have-nots,” the lower class, also known as the proletariats (Lopez).

Commentary:This explains the conflict between the two classes…

Transitional phrase: On the other hand, the working class didn’t agree with this idea

introduction to evidence

Evdience two: Philosophers started to get involved in this conflict; one of them was David Ricardo who said that the “poor were meant to supply the workforce” (“David Ricardo’s Ideas”).

Commentary: This means that as the population…

Conclusion / transition: These conflicts open the road for socialism because the working class especially didn’t believe in capitalism. Many individuals didn’t know what was best for society.

WRITE YOUR OWN• SEPARATE SHEET OF PAPER, glued on page 4,

and Works Cited on page 5• 20 minutes

– Partner check and label each component of paragraph

• Write out Prompt: What was the War Guilt Clause in the Treaty of Versailles and what was Germany’s response to it? What were Germany’s main complaints?– Using pages 424 – 427 in your textbook AND the article given

to you from the internet.• MUST use one detail from you textbook and one from the article given

to you to support your answer.• Create a works cited page (on page 5 of notebook) with the two sources

ExampleThe war guilt clause in the Treaty of Versailles was created to punish Germany for WWI. Germany believed the treaty was harsh and protested against giving up territory. According to the Modern World History textbook, the war guilt clause required Germany to “pay reparations, give up territory such as Alsace-Lorraine, and reduce its military” (Beck et al. 425). This shows that…

Trade with a partner in your group

• LABEL each part of the WDP– Topic sentence, detail one, citation,

commentary, transition, detail two, commentary, concluding sentence.

– HIGHLIGHT or box the phrases used to introduce details and commentary

• If not finished, finish at home and show me tomorrow– In this case you may label it yourself

Correct Works Cited - alphabetical order and indentation

Beck, Roger B. et al. Modern World History: Patterns of Interaction. Sacramento: McDougal Little, 2006. Print.

Brockdorff-Rantzau, Count von. “Leader of the German Peace Delegation Letter to Paris Peace Conference President Georges Clemenceau on the Subject of Peace Terms.” firstworldwar.com: a multimedia history of world war one. N.P. 22 August 2009. 2 Feburary 2010.

Websites

Last name of author, First name.“Title of Article.” Title of Website. Publisher of

Website. Day Month Year published. Day Month Year accessed.

• Use n.p. if there is no publisher • Use n.d. if there is no publishing date

– EXAMPLE (no author available)– “Vladimir Lenin.” PBS.org. Microsoft Corporation. 2000. 2 March 2010.