Three Lives: Stories of the Good Anna, Melanctha and the Gentle Lena
Transcript of Three Lives: Stories of the Good Anna, Melanctha and the Gentle Lena
TheProjectGutenbergEBookofThreeLives,byGertrudeStein
ThiseBookisfortheuseofanyoneanywhereatnocostandwithalmostnorestrictionswhatsoever.Youmaycopyit,giveitawayorre-useitunderthetermsoftheProjectGutenbergLicenseincludedwiththiseBookoronlineatwww.gutenberg.net
Title:ThreeLivesStoriesofTheGoodAnna,MelancthaandTheGentleLena
Author:GertrudeStein
ReleaseDate:March18,2005[EBook#15408]
Language:English
Charactersetencoding:ASCII
***STARTOFTHISPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKTHREELIVES***
ProducedbyS.R.Ellison,SuzanneShell,andtheOnlineDistributedProofreadingTeam.
ThreeLives
StoriesofTheGoodAnna,MelancthaandTheGentleLena
GERTRUDESTEIN
Doncjesuismalheureuxetcen'estnimafautenicelledelavie.[1]
JulesLaforgue
[Footnote1:ThereforeIamunhappyanditisneithermyfaultnorthatoflife.]
Contents
page
TheGoodAnna1Melanctha47TheGentleLena142
THEGOODANNA
PartI
ThetradesmenofBridgepointlearnedtodreadthesoundof"MissMathilda",forwiththatnamethegoodAnnaalwaysconquered.
Thestrictestoftheonepricestoresfoundthattheycouldgivethingsforalittleless,whenthegoodAnnahadfullysaidthat"MissMathilda"couldnotpaysomuchandthatshecouldbuyitcheaper"byLindheims."
LindheimswasAnna'sfavoritestore,fortheretheyhadbargaindays,whenflourandsugarweresoldforaquarterofacentlessforapound,andtheretheheadsofthedepartmentswereallherfriendsandalwaysmanagedtogiveherthebargainprices,evenonotherdays.
Annaledanarduousandtroubledlife.
AnnamanagedthewholelittlehouseforMissMathilda.Itwasafunnylittlehouse,oneofawholerowofallthesamekindthatmadeaclosepilelikearowofdominoesthatachildknocksover,fortheywerebuiltalongastreetwhichatthispointcamedownasteephill.Theywerefunnylittlehouses,twostorieshigh,withredbrickfrontsandlongwhitesteps.
ThisonelittlehousewasalwaysveryfullwithMissMathilda,anunderservant,straydogsandcatsandAnna'svoicethatscolded,managed,grumbledalldaylong.
"Sallie!can'tIleaveyoualoneaminutebutyoumustruntothedoortoseethebutcherboycomedownthestreetandthereisMissMathildacallingforhershoes.CanIdoeverythingwhileyougoaroundalwaysthinkingaboutnothingatall?IfIain'tafteryoueveryminuteyouwouldbeforgettingall,thetime,andItakeallthispains,andwhenyoucometomeyouwasasraggedasabuzzardandasdirtyasadog.GoandfindMissMathildahershoeswhereyouputthemthismorning."
"Peter!",--hervoicerosehigher,--"Peter!",--Peterwastheyoungestandthefavoritedog,--"Peter,ifyoudon'tleaveBabyalone,"--Babywasanold,blindterrierthatAnnahadlovedformanyyears,--"Peterifyoudon'tleaveBabyalone,Itakearawhidetoyou,youbaddog."
ThegoodAnnahadhighidealsforcaninechastityanddiscipline.Thethreeregulardogs,thethreethatalwayslivedwithAnna,PeterandoldBaby,andthefluffylittleRags,whowasalwaysjumpingupintotheairjusttoshowthathewashappy,togetherwiththetransients,themanystrayonesthatAnnaalwayskeptuntilshefoundthemhomes,wereallunderstrictordersnevertobebadonewiththeother.
Asaddisgracedidoncehappeninthefamily.AlittletransientterrierforwhomAnnahadfoundahomesuddenlyproducedacropofpups.ThenewownerswerecertainthatthisFoxyhadknownnodogsinceshewasintheircare.The
goodAnnaheldtoitstoutlythatherPeterandherRagswereguiltless,andshemadeherstatementwithsomuchheatthatFoxy'sownerswereatlastconvincedthattheseresultswereduetotheirneglect.
"Youbaddog,"AnnasaidtoPeterthatnight,"youbaddog."
"Peterwasthefatherofthosepups,"thegoodAnnaexplainedtoMissMathilda,"andtheylookjustlikehimtoo,andpoorlittleFoxy,theyweresobigthatshecouldhardlyhavethem,butMissMathilda,IwouldneverletthosepeopleknowthatPeterwassobad."
PeriodsofevilthinkingcameveryregularlytoPeterandtoRagsandtothevisitorswithintheirgates.AtsuchtimesAnnawouldbeverybusyandscoldhard,andthentooshealwaystookgreatcaretosecludethebaddogsfromeachotherwhenevershehadtoleavethehouse.Sometimesjusttoseehowgooditwasthatshehadmadethem,Annawouldleavetheroomalittlewhileandleavethemalltogether,andthenshewouldsuddenlycomeback.Backwouldslinkallthewicked-mindeddogsatthesoundofherhandupontheknob,andthentheywouldsitdesolateintheircornerslikealotofdisappointedchildrenwhosestolensugarhasbeentakenfromthem.
InnocentblindoldBabywastheonlyonewhopreservedthedignitybecominginadog.
YouseethatAnnaledanarduousandtroubledlife.
ThegoodAnnawasasmall,spare,germanwoman,atthistimeaboutfortyyearsofage.Herfacewasworn,hercheekswerethin,hermouthdrawnandfirm,andherlightblueeyeswereverybright.Sometimestheywerefulloflightningandsometimesfullofhumor,buttheywerealwayssharpandclear.
Hervoicewasapleasantone,whenshetoldthehistoriesofbadPeterandofBabyandoflittleRags.Hervoicewasahighandpiercingonewhenshecalledtotheteamstersandtotheotherwickedmen,whatshewantedthatshouldcometothem,whenshesawthembeatahorseorkickadog.Shedidnotbelongtoanysocietythatcouldstopthemandshetoldthemsomostfrankly,butherstrainedvoiceandherglitteringeyes,andherqueerpiercinggermanenglishfirstmadethemafraidandthenashamed.Theyallknewtoo,thatallthepolicemenonthebeatwereherfriends.ThesealwaysrespectedandobeyedMissAnnie,astheycalledher,andpromptlyattendedtoallofhercomplaints.
ForfiveyearsAnnamanagedthelittlehouseforMissMathilda.Inthesefiveyearstherewerefourdifferentunderservants.
Theonethatcamefirstwasapretty,cheerfulirishgirl.Annatookherwithadoubtingmind.Lizziewasanobedient,happyservant,andAnnabegantohavealittlefaith.Thiswasnotforlong.Thepretty,cheerfulLizziedisappearedonedaywithouthernoticeandwithallherbaggageandreturnednomore.
Thispretty,cheerfulLizziewassucceededbyamelancholyMolly.
MollywasborninAmerica,ofgermanparents.Allherpeoplehadbeenlongdeadorgoneaway.Mollyhadalwaysbeenalone.Shewasatall,dark,sallow,thin-hairedcreature,andshewasalwaystroubledwithacough,andshehadabadtemper,andalwayssaiduglydreadfulswearwords.
Annafoundallthisveryhardtobear,butshekeptMollyalongtimeoutofkindness.Thekitchenwasconstantlyabattle-ground.AnnascoldedandMollysworestrangeoaths,andthenMissMathildawouldshutherdoorhardtoshowthatshecouldhearitall.
AtlastAnnahadtogiveitup."PleaseMissMathildawon'tyouspeaktoMolly,"Annasaid,"Ican'tdoathingwithher.Iscoldher,andshedon'tseemtohearandthensheswearssothatshescaresme.ShelovesyouMissMathilda,andyouscoldherpleaseonce."
"ButAnna,"criedpoorMissMathilda,"Idon'twantto,"andthatlarge,cheerful,butfaintheartedwomanlookedallaghastatsuchaprospect."Butyoumust,pleaseMissMathilda!"Annasaid.
MissMathildaneverwantedtodoanyscolding."ButyoumustpleaseMissMathilda,"Annasaid.
MissMathildaeverydayputoffthescolding,hopingalwaysthatAnnawouldlearntomanageMollybetter.ItneverdidgetbetterandatlastMissMathildasawthatthescoldingsimplyhadtobe.
ItwasagreedbetweenthegoodAnnaandherMissMathildathatAnnashouldbeawaywhenMollywouldbescolded.ThenexteveningthatitwasAnna'seveningout,MissMathildafacedhertaskandwentdownintothekitchen.
Mollywassittinginthelittlekitchenleaningherelbowsonthetable.Shewasatall,thin,sallowgirl,agedtwenty-three,bynatureslatternlyandcarelessbuttrainedbyAnnaintosuperficialneatness.Herdrabstripedcottondressandgrayblackcheckedapronincreasedthelengthandsadnessofhermelancholyfigure."Oh,Lord!"groanedMissMathildatoherselfassheapproachedher.
"Molly,IwanttospeaktoyouaboutyourbehaviourtoAnna!",hereMollydroppedherheadstillloweronherarmsandbegantocry.
"Oh!Oh!"groanedMissMathilda.
"It'sallMissAnnie'sfault,allofit,"Mollysaidatlast,inatremblingvoice,"Idomybest."
"IknowAnnaisoftenhardtoplease,"beganMissMathilda,withatwingeofmischief,andthenshesoberedherselftohertask,"butyoumustremember,Molly,shemeansitforyourgoodandsheisreallyverykindtoyou."
"Idon'twantherkindness,"Mollycried,"Iwishyouwouldtellmewhattodo,MissMathilda,andthenIwouldbeallright.IhateMissAnnie."
"ThiswillneverdoMolly,"MissMathildasaidsternly,inherdeepest,firmesttones,"Annaistheheadofthekitchenandyoumusteitherobeyherorleave."
"Idon'twanttoleaveyou,"whimperedmelancholyMolly."WellMollythentryanddobetter,"answeredMissMathilda,keepingagoodsternfront,andbackingquicklyfromthekitchen.
"Oh!Oh!"groanedMissMathilda,asshewentbackupthestairs.
MissMathilda'sattempttomakepeacebetweentheconstantlycontendingwomeninthekitchenhadnorealeffect.Theywereverysoonasbitterasbefore.
AtlastitwasdecidedthatMollywastogoaway.Mollywentawaytoworkinafactoryinthetown,andshewenttolivewithanoldwomanintheslums,averybadoldwomanAnnasaid.
AnnawasnevereasyinhermindaboutthefateofMolly.Sometimesshewouldseeorhearofher.Mollywasnotwell,hercoughwasworse,andtheoldwoman
reallywasabadone.
Afterayearofthisunwholesomelife,Mollywascompletelybrokendown.Annathenagaintookherincharge.Shebroughtherfromherworkandfromthewomanwhereshelived,andputherinahospitaltostaytillshewaswell.Shefoundaplaceforherasnursemaidtoalittlegirloutinthecountry,andMollywasatlastestablishedandcontent.
Mollyhadhad,atfirst,noregularsuccessor.InafewmonthsitwasgoingtobethesummerandMissMathildawouldbegoneaway,andoldKatiewoulddoverywelltocomeineverydayandhelpAnnawithherwork.
OldKatywasaheavy,ugly,shortandrougholdgermanwoman,withastrangedistortedgerman-englishallherown.AnnawaswornoutnowwithherattempttomaketheyoungergenerationdoallthatitshouldandrougholdKatyneveransweredback,andneverwantedherownway.Noscoldingorabusecouldmakeitsmarkonheruncouthandagedpeasanthide.Shesaidher"Yes,MissAnnie,"whenananswerhadtocome,andthatwasalwaysallthatshecouldsay.
"OldKatyisjustarougholdwoman,MissMathilda,"Annasaid,"butIthinkIkeepherherewithme.Shecanworkandshedon'tgivemetroublelikeIhadwithMollyallthetime."
AnnaalwayshadahumoroussensefromthisoldKaty'stwistedpeasantenglish,fromtheroughnessonhertongueofbuzzings'sandfromthequeerwaysofherbrutishservilehumor.AnnacouldnotletoldKatyserveattable--oldKatywastoocoarselymadefromnaturalearthforthat--andsoAnnahadallthistodoherselfandthatsheneverliked,buteventhenthissimplerougholdcreaturewaspleasantertoherthananyoftheupstartyoung.
Lifewentonverysmoothlynowinthesefewmonthsbeforethesummercame.MissMathildaeverysummerwentawayacrosstheoceantobegoneforseveralmonths.WhenshewentawaythissummeroldKatywassosorry,andonthedaythatMissMathildawent,oldKatycriedhardformanyhours.Anearthy,uncouth,servilepeasantcreatureoldKatysurelywas.Shestoodthereonthewhitestonestepsofthelittleredbrickhouse,withherbony,squaredullheadwithitsthin,tanned,toughenedskinanditssparseandkinkygrizzledhair,andherstrong,squatfigurealittleovermadeontherightside,clothedinherbluestripedcottondress,allcleanandalwayswashedbutroughandharshtosee--and
shestayedthereonthestepstillAnnabroughtherin,blubbering,heraprontoherface,andmakingqueergutturalbrokenmoans.
WhenMissMathildaearlyinthefallcametoherhouseagainoldKatywasnotthere.
"IneverthoughtoldKatywouldactsoMissMathilda,"Annasaid,"whenshewassosorrywhenyouwentaway,andIgaveherfullwagesallthesummer,buttheyareallalikeMissMathilda,thereisn'toneofthemthat'sfittotrust.YouknowhowKatysaidshelikedyou,MissMathilda,andwentonaboutitwhenyouwentawayandthenshewassogoodandworkedallrightuntilthemiddleofthesummer,whenIgotsick,andthenshewentawayandleftmeallaloneandtookaplaceoutinthecountry,wheretheygavehersomemoremoney.Shedidn'tsayaword,MissMathilda,shejustwentoffandleftmetherealonewhenIwassickafterthatawfulhotsummerthatwehad,andafterallwedoneforherwhenshehadnoplacetogo,andallsummerIgaveherbetterthingstoeatthanIhadformyself.MissMathilda,thereisn'toneofthemhasanysenseofwhat'stherightwayforagirltodo,notoneofthem."
OldKatywasneverheardfromanymore.
Nounderservantwasdecideduponnowforseveralmonths.Manycameandmanywent,andnoneofthemwoulddo.AtlastAnnaheardofSallie.
SalliewastheoldestgirlinafamilyofelevenandSalliewasjustsixteenyearsold.FromSalliedowntheycamealwayslittlerandlittlerinherfamily,andallofthemwerealwaysoutatworkexceptingonlythefewlittlestofthemall.
Salliewasaprettyblondeandsmilinggermangirl,andstupidandalittlesilly.Thelittlertheycameinherfamilythebrightertheyallwere.Thebrightestofthemallwasalittlegirloften.Shedidagoodday'sworkwashingdishesforamanandwifeinasaloon,andsheearnedafairday'swage,andthentherewasonelittlerstill.Sheonlyworkedforhalftheday.Shedidthehouseworkforabachelordoctor.Shediditall,allofthehouseworkandreceivedeachweekhereightcentsforherwage.Annawasalwaysindignantwhenshetoldthatstory.
"IthinkheoughttogivehertencentsMissMathildaanyway.Eightcentsissomeanwhenshedoesallhisworkandsheissuchabrightlittlethingtoo,notstupidlikeourSallie.SalliewouldneverlearntodoathingifIdidn'tscoldher
allthetime,butSallieisagoodgirl,andItakecareandshewilldoallright."
Salliewasagood,obedientgermanchild.SheneveransweredAnnaback,nomoredidPeter,oldBabyandlittleRagsandsothoughalwaysAnna'svoicewassharplyraisedinstrongrebukeandwornexpostulation,theywereahappyfamilyalltheretogetherinthekitchen.
AnnawasamothernowtoSallie,agoodincessantgermanmotherwhowatchedandscoldedhardtokeepthegirlfromanyevilstep.Sallie'stemptationsandtransgressionsweremuchlikethoseofnaughtyPeterandjollylittleRags,andAnnatookthesamewaytokeepallthreefromdoingwhatwasbad.
Sallie'schiefbadnessbesidesforgettingallthetimeandneverwashingherhandscleantoserveattable,wasthebutcherboy.
Hewasanunattractiveyouthenough,thatbutcherboy.SuspicionbegantocloseinaroundSalliethatshespenttheeveningswhenAnnawasaway,incompanywiththisbadboy.
"Sallieissuchaprettygirl,MissMathilda,"Annasaid,"andsheissodumbandsilly,andsheputsonthatredwaist,andshecrinklesupherhairwithironssoIhavetolaugh,andthenItellherifsheonlywashedherhandscleanitwouldbebetterthanallthatfixingallthetime,butyoucan'tdoathingwiththeyounggirlsnowadaysMissMathilda.SallieisagoodgirlbutIgottowatchherallthetime."
SuspicionclosedinaroundSalliemoreandmore,thatshespentAnna'seveningsoutwiththisboysittinginthekitchen.OneearlymorningAnna'svoicewassharplyraised.
"Salliethisain'tthesamebananathatIbroughthomeyesterday,forMissMathilda,forherbreakfast,andyouwasoutearlyinthestreetthismorning,whatwasyoudoingthere?"
"Nothing,MissAnnie,Ijustwentouttosee,that'sallandthat'sthesamebanana,'deeditisMissAnnie."
"Sallie,howcanyousaysoandafterallIdoforyou,andMissMathildaissogoodtoyou.Ineverbroughthomenobananasyesterdaywithspecksonitlikethat.Iknowbetter,itwasthatboywasherelastnightandateitwhileIwas
away,andyouwasouttogetanotherthismorning.Idon'twantnolyingSallie."
SalliewasstoutinherdefencebutthenshegaveitupandshesaiditwastheboywhosnatcheditasheranawayatthesoundofAnna'skeyopeningtheoutsidedoor."ButIwillneverlethiminagain,MissAnnie,'deedIwon't,"saidSallie.
AndnowitwasallpeacefulforsomeweeksandthenSalliewithfatuoussimplicitybeganoncertaineveningstoresumeherbrightredwaist,herbitsofjewelsandhercrinklyhair.
Onepleasanteveningintheearlyspring,MissMathildawasstandingonthestepsbesidetheopendoor,feelingcheerfulinthepleasant,gentlenight.Annacamedownthestreet,returningfromhereveningout."Don'tshutthedoor,please,MissMathilda,"Annasaidinalowvoice,"Idon'twantSallietoknowI'mhome."
Annawentsoftlythroughthehouseandreachedthekitchendoor.Atthesoundofherhandupontheknobtherewasawildscrambleandabang,andthenSalliesittingtherealonewhenAnnacameintotheroom,but,alas,thebutcherboyforgothisovercoatinhisescape.
YouseethatAnnaledanarduousandtroubledlife.
Annahadhertroubles,too,withMissMathilda."AndIslaveandslavetosavethemoneyandyougooutandspenditallonfoolishness,"thegoodAnnawouldcomplainwhenhermistress,alargeandcarelesswoman,wouldcomehomewithabitofporcelain,anewetchingandsometimesevenanoilpaintingonherarm.
"ButAnna,"arguedMissMathilda,"ifyoudidn'tsavethismoney,don'tyouseeIcouldnotbuythesethings,"andthenAnnawouldsoftenandlookpleaseduntilshelearnedtheprice,andthenwringingherhands,"Oh,MissMathilda,MissMathilda,"shewouldcry,"andyougaveallthatmoneyoutforthat,whenyouneedadresstogooutinsobad.""Well,perhapsIwillgetoneformyselfnextyear,Anna,"MissMathildawouldcheerfullyconcede."IfwelivetillthenMissMathilda,Iseethatyoudo,"Annawouldthenanswerdarkly.
AnnahadgreatprideintheknowledgeandpossessionsofhercherishedMissMathilda,butshedidnotlikehercarelesswayofwearingalwaysheroldclothes."Youcan'tgoouttodinnerinthatdress,MissMathilda,"shewouldsay,
standingfirmlybeforetheoutsidedoor,"Yougottogoandputonyournewdressyoualwayslooksonicein.""ButAnna,thereisn'ttime.""Yesthereis,Igoupandhelpyoufixit,pleaseMissMathildayoucan'tgoouttodinnerinthatdressandnextyearifwelivetillthen,Imakeyougetanewhat,too.It'sashameMissMathildatogooutlikethat."
Thepoormistresssighedandhadtoyield.Itsuitedhercheerful,lazytempertobealwayswithoutcarebutsometimesitwasaburdentoendure,forsooftenshehaditalltodoagainunlessshemadearapiddashoutofthedoorbeforeAnnahadachancetosee.
LifewasveryeasyalwaysforthislargeandlazyMissMathilda,withthegoodAnnatowatchandcareforherandallherclothesandgoods.But,alas,thisworldofoursisafterallmuchwhatitshouldbeandcheerfulMissMathildahadhertroublestoowithAnna.
Itwaspleasantthateverythingforonewasdone,butannoyingoftenthatwhatonewantedmostjustthen,onecouldnothavewhenonehadfoolishlydemandedandnotsuggestedone'sdesire.AndthenMissMathildalovedtogooutonjoyous,countrytrampswhen,stretchingfreeandfarwithcheerfulcomrades,overrollinghillsandcornfields,gloriousinthesettingsun,anddogwoodwhiteandshiningunderneaththemoonandclearstarsoverhead,andbrilliantairandtinglingblood,itwashardtohavetothinkofAnna'sangeratthelatereturn,thoughMissMathildahadbeggedthattheremightbenohotsuppercookedthatnight.AndthenwhenallthehappycrewofMissMathildaandherfriends,tiredwithfullnessofgoodhealthandburningwindsandglowingsunshineintheeyes,stiffenedandjustlywornandwhollyripeforpleasantfoodandgentlecontent,wereallcometogethertothelittlehouse--itwashardforallthattiredcrewwholovedthegoodthingsAnnamadetoeat,tocometothecloseddoorandwonderthereifitwasAnna'seveninginorout,andthentheothersmustwaitshiveringontheirtiredfeet,whileMissMathildasoftenedAnna'sheart,orifAnnawaswellout,boldlyorderedyouthfulSallietofeedallthehungrylot.
SuchthingsweresometimeshardtobearandoftengrievouslydidMissMathildafeelherselfarebelwiththecheerfulLizzies,themelancholyMollies,therougholdKatiesandthestupidSallies.
MissMathildahadothertroublestoo,withthegoodAnna.MissMathildahadtosaveherAnnafromthemanyfriends,whointhekindlyfashionofthepoor,
useduphersavingsandthengaveherpromisesinplaceofpayments.
ThegoodAnnahadmanycuriousfriendsthatshehadfoundinthetwentyyearsthatshehadlivedinBridgepoint,andMissMathildawouldoftenhavetosaveherfromthemall.
PartII
THELIFEOFTHEGOODANNA
AnnaFederner,thisgoodAnna,wasofsolidlowermiddle-classsouthgermanstock.
Whenshewasseventeenyearsoldshewenttoserviceinabourgeoisfamily,inthelargecitynearhernativetown,butshedidnotstaytherelong.Onedayhermistressofferedhermaid--thatwasAnna--toafriend,toseeherhome.Annafeltherselftobeaservant,notamaid,andsoshepromptlylefttheplace.
Annahadalwaysafirmoldworldsenseofwhatwastherightwayforagirltodo.
Noargumentcouldbringhertositaneveningintheemptyparlour,althoughthesmellofpaintwhentheywerefixingupthekitchenmadeherverysick,andtiredasshealwayswas,sheneverwouldsitdownduringthelongtalkssheheldwithMissMathilda.Agirlwasagirlandshouldactalwayslikeagirl,bothastogivingallrespectandastowhatshehadtoeat.
Alittletimeaftersheleftthisservice,AnnaandhermothermadethevoyagetoAmerica.Theycamesecond-class,butitwasforthemalonganddrearyjourney.Themotherwasalreadyillwithconsumption.
TheylandedinapleasanttowninthefarSouthandtherethemotherslowlydied.
AnnawasnowaloneandshemadeherwaytoBridgepointwhereanolderhalfbrotherwasalreadysettled.Thisbrotherwasaheavy,lumbering,goodnaturedgermanman,fulloftheinfirmitythatcomesofexcessofbody.
Hewasabakerandmarriedandfairlywelltodo.
Annalikedherbrotherwellenoughbutwasneverinanywaydependentonhim.
WhenshearrivedinBridgepoint,shetookservicewithMissMaryWadsmith.
MissMaryWadsmithwasalarge,fair,helplesswoman,burdenedwiththecareoftwoyoungchildren.Theyhadbeenleftherbyherbrotherandhiswifewhohaddiedwithinafewmonthsofeachother.
Annasoonhadthehouseholdaltogetherinhercharge.
Annafoundherplacewithlarge,abundantwomen,forsuchwerealwayslazy,carelessorallhelpless,andsotheburdenoftheirlivescouldfallonAnna,andgiveherjustcontent.Anna'ssuperiorsmustbealwaystheselargehelplesswomen,orbemen,fornoneotherscouldgivethemselvestobemadesocomfortableandfree.
Annahadnostrongnaturalfeelingtolovechildren,asshehadtolovecatsanddogs,andalargemistress.SheneverbecamedeeplyfondofEdgarandJaneWadsmith.Shenaturallypreferredtheboy,forboyslovealwaysbettertobedoneforandmadecomfortableandfullofeating,whileinthelittlegirlshehadtomeetthefeminine,thesubtleopposition,showingsoearlyalwaysinayounggirl'snature.
Forthesummer,theWadsmithshadapleasanthouseoutinthecountry,andthewintermonthstheyspentinhotelapartmentsinthecity.
GraduallyitcametoAnnatotakethewholedirectionoftheirmovements,tomakeallthedecisionsastotheirjourneyingstoandfro,andforthearrangingoftheplaceswheretheyweretolive.
AnnahadbeenwithMissMaryforthreeyears,whenlittleJanebegantoraiseherstrengthinopposition.Janewasaneat,pleasantlittlegirl,prettyandsweetwithayounggirl'scharm,andwithtwoblondebraidscarefullyplaiteddownherback.
MissMary,likeherAnna,hadnostrongnaturalfeelingtolovechildren,butshe
wasfondofthesetwoyoungonesofherblood,andyieldeddocilelytothestrongerpowerinthereallypleasinglittlegirl.Annaalwayspreferredtherougherhandlingoftheboy,whileMissMaryfoundthegentleforceandthesweetdominationofthegirltopleaseherbetter.
Inaspringwhenallthepreparationsforthemovinghadbeenmade,MissMaryandJanewenttogethertothecountryhome,andAnna,afterfinishingupthecitymatterswastofollowtheminafewdayswithEdgar,whosevacationhadnotyetbegun.
Manytimesduringthepreparationsforthissummer,JanehadmetAnnawithsharpresistance,inoppositiontoherways.ItwassimpleforlittleJanetogiveunpleasantorders,notfromherselfbutfromMissMary,large,docile,helplessMissMaryWadsmithwhocouldneverthinkoutanyorderstogiveAnnafromherself.
Anna'seyesgrewslowlysharper,harder,andherlowerteeththrustalittleforwardandpressingstronglyup,framedalwaysmoreslowlythe"Yes,MissJane,"tothequick,"OhAnna!MissMarysaysshewantsyoutodoitso!"
Onthedayoftheirmigration,MissMaryhadbeenalreadyputintothecarriage."Oh,Anna!"criedlittleJanerunningbackintothehouse,"MissMarysaysthatyouaretobringalongthebluedressingsoutofherroomandmine."Anna'sbodystiffened,"Weneverusetheminthesummer,MissJane,"shesaidthickly."YesAnna,butMissMarythinksitwouldbenice,andshetoldmetotellyounottoforget,good-by!"andthelittlegirlskippedlightlydownthestepsintothecarriageandtheydroveaway.
Annastoodstillonthesteps,hereyeshardandsharpandshining,andherbodyandherfacestiffwithresentment.Andthenshewentintothehouse,givingthedoorashatteringslam.
Annawasveryhardtolivewithinthosenextthreedays.EvenBaby,thenewpuppy,theprideofAnna'sheart,apresentfromherfriendthewidow,Mrs.Lehntman--eventhisprettylittleblackandtanfelttheheatofAnna'sscorchingflame.AndEdgar,whohadlookedforwardtothesedays,tobeforhimfilledfulloffreedomandofthingstoeat--hecouldnotrestamomentinAnna'sbittersight.
Onthethirdday,AnnaandEdgarwenttotheWadsmithcountryhome.Theblue
dressingsoutofthetworoomsremainedbehind.
Alltheway,Edgarsatinfrontwiththecoloredmananddrove.ItwasanearlyspringdayintheSouth.Thefieldsandwoodswereheavyfromthesoakingrains.Thehorsesdraggedthecarriageslowlyoverthelongroad,stickywithbrownclayandroughwithmassesofstonesthrownhereandtheretobebrokenandtroddenintoplacebypassingteams.Overandthroughthesoakingearthwasthefeatherynewspringgrowthoflittleflowers,ofyoungleavesandofferns.Thetreetopswereallbrightwithredsandyellows,withbrilliantgleamingwhitesandgorgeousgreens.Allthelowerairwasfullofthedamphazerisingfromheavysoakingwaterontheearth,mingledwithawarmandpleasantsmellfromthebluesmokeofthespringfiresinalltheopenfields.Andaboveallthiswastheclear,upperair,andthesongsofbirdsandthejoyofsunshineandoflengtheningdays.
Thelanguorandthestir,thewarmthandweightandthestrongfeeloflifefromthedeepcentresoftheearththatcomesalwayswiththeearly,soakingspring,whenitisnotansweredwithanactiveferventjoy,givesalwaysanger,irritationandunrest.
ToAnnaalonethereinthecarriage,drawingalwaysnearertothestrugglewithhermistress,thewarmth,theslowness,thejoltingoverstones,thesteamingfromthehorses,thecriesofmenandanimalsandbirds,andthenewlifeallroundaboutweresimplymaddening."Baby!ifyoudon'tliestill,IthinkIkillyou.Ican'tstanditanymorelikethis."
AtthistimeAnna,abouttwenty-sevenyearsofage,wasnotyetallthinandworn.Thesharpbonyedgesandcornersofherheadandfacewerestillroundedoutwithflesh,butalreadythetemperandthehumorshowedsharplyinhercleanblueeyes,andthethinningwasbegunaboutthelowerjaw,thatwassooftenstrainedwiththeupwardpressureofresolve.
To-day,alonethereinthecarriage,shewasallstiffandyetalltremblingwiththesoreeffortofdecisionandrevolt.
AsthecarriageturnedintotheWadsmithgate,littleJaneranouttosee.ShejustlookedatAnna'sface;shedidnotsayawordaboutbluedressings.
AnnagotdownfromthecarriagewithlittleBabyinherarms.Shetookoutall
thegoodsthatshehadbroughtandthecarriagedroveaway.Annalefteverythingontheporch,andwentintowhereMissMaryWadsmithwassittingbythefire.
MissMarywassittinginalargearmchairbythefire.Allthenooksandcranniesofthechairwerefilledfullofhersoftandspreadingbody.Shewasdressedinablacksatinmorninggown,thesleeves,greatmonsterthings,wereheavywiththemassofhersoftflesh.Shesattherealways,large,helpless,gentle.Shehadafair,soft,regular,good-lookingface,withpleasant,empty,grey-blueeyes,andheavysleepylids.
BehindMissMarywasthelittleJane,nervousandjerkywithexcitementasshesawAnnacomeintotheroom.
"MissMary,"Annabegan.Shehadstoppedjustwithinthedoor,herbodyandherfacestiffwithrepression,herteethclosedhardandthewhitelightsflashingsharplyinthepale,cleanblueofhereyes.Herbearingwasfullofthestrangecoquetryofangerandoffear,thestiffness,thebridling,thesuggestivemovementunderneaththerigidnessofforcedcontrol,allthequeerwaysthepassionshavetoshowthemselvesallone.
"MissMary,"thewordscameslowlywiththickutteranceandwithjerks,butalwaysfirmandstrong."MissMary,Ican'tstanditanymorelikethis.Whenyoutellmeanythingtodo,Idoit.IdoeverythingIcanandyouknowIworkmyselfsickforyou.Thebluedressingsinyourroommakestoomuchworktohaveforsummer.MissJanedon'tknowwhatworkis.IfyouwanttodothingslikethatIgoaway."
Annastoppedstill.Herwordshadnotthestrengthofmeaningtheyweremeanttohave,butthepowerinthemoodofAnna'ssoulfrightenedandawedMissMarythroughandthrough.
Likeinalllargeandhelplesswomen,MissMary'sheartbeatweaklyinthesoftandhelplessmassithadtogovern.LittleJane'sexcitementshadalreadytriedherstrength.Nowshegrewpaleandfaintedquiteaway.
"MissMary!"criedAnnarunningtohermistressandsupportingallherhelplessweightbackinthechair.LittleJane,distracted,flewaboutasAnnaordered,bringingsmellingsaltsandbrandyandvinegarandwaterandchafingpoorMissMary'swrists.
MissMaryslowlyopenedhermildeyes.AnnasenttheweepinglittleJaneoutoftheroom.SheherselfmanagedtogetMissMaryquietonthecouch.
Therewasneverawordmoresaidaboutbluedressings.
Annahadconquered,andafewdayslaterlittleJanegaveheragreenparrottomakepeace.
ForsixmoreyearslittleJaneandAnnalivedinthesamehouse.Theywerecarefulandrespectfultoeachothertotheend.
Annalikedtheparrotverywell.Shewasfondofcatstooandofhorses,butbestofallanimalsshelovedthedogandbestofalldogs,littleBaby,thefirstgiftfromherfriend,thewidowMrs.Lehntman.
ThewidowMrs.LehntmanwastheromanceinAnna'slife.
Annametherfirstatthehouseofherhalfbrother,thebaker,whohadknownthelateMr.Lehntman,asmallgrocer,verywell.
Mrs.Lehntmanhadbeenformanyyearsamidwife.Sinceherhusband'sdeathshehadherselfandtwoyoungchildrentosupport.
Mrs.Lehntmanwasagoodlookingwoman.Shehadaplumpwellroundedbody,clearoliveskin,brightdarkeyesandcrispblackcurlinghair.Shewaspleasant,magnetic,efficientandgood.Shewasveryattractive,verygenerousandveryamiable.
ShewasafewyearsolderthanourgoodAnna,whowassoonentirelysubduedbyhermagnetic,sympatheticcharm.
Mrs.Lehntmaninherworklovedbesttodeliveryounggirlswhowereintrouble.Shewouldtaketheseintoherownhouseandcarefortheminsecret,tilltheycouldguiltlesslygohomeorbacktowork,andthenslowlypayherthemoneyfortheircare.AndsothroughthisnewfriendAnnaledawiderandmoreentertaininglife,andoftensheuseduphersavingsinhelpingMrs.Lehntmanthroughthosetimeswhenshewasgivingverymuchmorethanshegot.
ItwasthroughMrs.LehntmanthatAnnametDr.Shonjenwhoemployed
herwhenatlastithadtobethatshemustgoawayfromherMissMaryWadsmith.
DuringthelastyearswithherMissMary,Anna'shealthwasverybad,asindeeditalwayswasfromthattimeonuntiltheendofherstronglife.
Annawasamediumsized,thin,hardworking,worryingwoman.
Shehadalwayshadbadheadachesandnowtheycamemoreoftenandmorewearing.
Herfacegrewthin,morebonyandmoreworn,herskinstaineditselfpaleyellow,asitdoeswithworkingsicklywomen,andtheclearblueofhereyeswentpale.
Herbacktroubledheragooddeal,too.Shewasalwaystiredatherworkandhertempergrewmoredifficultandfretful.
MissMaryWadsmithoftentriedtomakeAnnaseealittletoherself,andgetadoctor,andthelittleJane,nowblossomingintoapretty,sweetyoungwoman,didherbesttomakeAnnadothingsforhergood.AnnawasstubbornalwaystoMissJane,andfearfulofinterferenceinherways.MissMaryWadsmith'smildadvicesheeasilycouldalwaysturnaside.
Mrs.LehntmanwastheonlyonewhohadanypoweroverAnna.SheinducedhertoletDr.Shonjentakeherinhiscare.
NoonebutaDr.ShonjencouldhavebroughtagoodandgermanAnnafirsttostopherworkandthensubmitherselftooperation,butheknewsowellhowtodealwithgermanandpoorpeople.Cheery,jovial,hearty,fullofjokesthatmademuchfunandyetwerefullofsimplecommonsenseandreasoningcourage,hecouldpersuadeevenagoodAnnatodothingsthatwereforherowngood.
Edgarhadnowbeenforsomeyearsawayfromhome,firstataschoolandthenatworktopreparehimselftobeacivilengineer.MissMaryandJanepromisedtotakeatripforallthetimethatAnnawasaway,andsotherewouldbenoneedforAnna'swork,norforanewgirltotakeAnna'splace.
Anna'smindwasthusalittlesetatrest.ShegaveherselftoMrs.
Lehntmanandthedoctortodowhattheythoughtbesttomakeherwellandstrong.
Annaenduredtheoperationverywell,andwaspatient,almostdocile,intheslowrecoveryofherworkingstrength.ButwhenshewasoncemoreatworkforherMissMaryWadsmith,allthegoodeffectoftheseseveralmonthsofrestweresoonworkedandworriedwellaway.
ForalltherestofherstrongworkinglifeAnnawasneverreallywell.Shehadbadheadachesallthetimeandshewasalwaysthinandworn.
Sheworkedawayherappetite,herhealthandstrength,andalwaysforthesakeofthosewhobeggedhernottoworksohard.Toherthinking,inherstubborn,faithful,germansoul,thiswastherightwayforagirltodo.
Anna'slifewithMissMaryWadsmithwasnowdrawingtoanend.
MissJane,nowaltogetherayounglady,hadcomeoutintotheworld.Soonshewouldbecomeengagedandthenbemarried,andthenperhapsMissMaryWadsmithwouldmakeherhomewithher.
InsuchahouseholdAnnawascertainthatshewouldnevertakeaplace.MissJanewasalwayscarefulandrespectfulandverygoodtoAnna,butnevercouldAnnabeagirlinahouseholdwhereMissJanewouldbethehead.Thismuchwasverycertaininhermind,andsotheselasttwoyearswithherMissMarywerenotashappyasbefore.
Thechangecameverysoon.
MissJanebecameengagedandinafewmonthswastomarryamanfromoutoftown,fromCurden,anhour'srailwayridefromBridgepoint.
PoorMissMaryWadsmithdidnotknowthestrongresolveAnnahadmadetoliveapartfromherwhenthisnewhouseholdshouldbeformed.AnnafounditveryhardtospeaktoherMissMaryofthischange.
Thepreparationsfortheweddingwentondayandnight.
Annaworkedandsewedhardtomakeitallgowell.
MissMarywasmuchfluttered,butcontentandhappywithAnnatomakeeverythingsoeasyforthemall.
Annaworkedsoallthetimetodrownhersorrowandherconsciencetoo,forsomehowitwasnotrighttoleaveMissMaryso.Butwhatelsecouldshedo?ShecouldnotliveasherMissMary'sgirl,inahousewhereMissJanewouldbethehead.
Theweddingdaygrewalwaysnearer.Atlastitcameandpassed.
Theyoungpeoplewentontheirweddingtrip,andAnnaandMissMarywereleftbehindtopackupallthethings.
EvenyetpoorAnnahadnothadthestrengthtotellMissMaryherresolve,butnowithadtobe.
AnnaeveryspareminuterantoherfriendMrs.Lehntmanforcomfortandadvice.ShebeggedherfriendtobewithherwhenshetoldthenewstoMissMary.
PerhapsifMrs.LehntmanhadnotbeeninBridgepoint,Annawouldhavetriedtoliveinthenewhouse.Mrs.Lehntmandidnoturgehertothisthingnorevengiveherthisadvice,butfeelingforMrs.LehntmanasshedidmadeevenfaithfulAnnanotquitesostronginherdependenceonMissMary'sneedasshewouldotherwisehavebeen.
Remember,Mrs.LehntmanwastheromanceinAnna'slife.
AllthepackingwasnowdoneandinafewdaysMissMarywastogotothenewhouse,wheretheyoungpeoplewerereadyforhercoming.
AtlastAnnahadtospeak.
Mrs.LehntmanagreedtogowithherandhelptomakethemattercleartopoorMissMary.
ThetwowomencametogethertoMissMaryWadsmithsittingplacidbythefireintheemptylivingroom.MissMaryhadseenMrs.Lehntmanmanytimesbefore,andsohercominginwithAnnaraisednosuspicioninhermind.
Itwasveryhardforthetwowomentobegin.
Itmustbeverygentlydone,thistellingtoMissMaryofthechange.Shemustnotbeshockedbysuddennessorwithexcitement.
Annawasallstiff,andinsideallaquiverwithshame,anxietyandgrief.EvencourageousMrs.Lehntman,efficient,impulsiveandcomplacentasshewasandnotdeeplyconcernedintheevent,feltawkward,abashedandalmostguiltyinthatlarge,mild,helplesspresence.Andathersidetomakeherfeelthepowerofitall,wastheintenseconvictionofpoorAnna,strugglingtobeunfeeling,selfrighteousandsuppressed.
"MissMary"--withAnnawhenthingshadtocometheycamealwayssharpandshort--"MissMary,Mrs.Lehntmanhascomeherewithme,soIcantellyouaboutnotstayingwithyouthereinCurden.OfcourseIgohelpyoutogetsettledandthenIthinkIcomebackandstayrighthereinBridgepoint.Youknowmybrotherheishereandallhisfamily,andIthinkitwouldbenotrighttogoawayfromthemsofar,andyouknowyoudon'twantmenowsomuchMissMarywhenyouarealltogetherthereinCurden."
MissMaryWadsmithwaspuzzled.ShedidnotunderstandwhatAnnameantbywhatshesaid.
"WhyAnnaofcourseyoucancometoseeyourbrotherwheneveryouliketo,andIwillalwayspayyourfare.Ithoughtyouunderstoodallaboutthat,andwewillbeverygladtohaveyourniecescometostaywithyouasoftenastheylike.TherewillalwaysberoomenoughinabighouselikeMr.Goldthwaite's."
ItwasnowforMrs.Lehntmantobeginherwork.
"MissWadsmithdoesnotunderstandjustwhatyoumeanAnna,"shebegan."MissWadsmith,Annafeelshowgoodandkindyouare,andshetalksaboutitallthetime,andwhatyoudoforherineverywayyoucan,andsheisverygratefulandneverwouldwanttogoawayfromyou,onlyshethinksitwouldbebetternowthatMrs.Goldthwaitehasthisbignewhouseandwillwanttomanageitinherownway,shethinksperhapsitwouldbebetterifMrs.Goldthwaitehadallnewservantswithhertobeginwith,andnotagirllikeAnnawhoknewherwhenshewasalittlegirl.ThatiswhatAnnafeelsaboutitnow,andsheaskedmeandIsaidtoherthatIthoughtitwouldbebetterforyouallandyouknewshelikedyousomuchandthatyouweresogoodtoher,andyou
wouldunderstandhowshethoughtitwouldbebetterinthenewhouseifshestayedonhereinBridgepoint,anywayforalittlewhileuntilMrs.Goldthwaitewasusedtohernewhouse.Isn'tthatitAnnathatyouwantedMissWadsmithtoknow?"
"OhAnna,"MissMaryWadsmithsaiditslowlyandinagrievedtoneofsurprisethatwasveryhardforthegoodAnnatoendure,"OhAnna,Ididn'tthinkthatyouwouldeverwanttoleavemeafteralltheseyears."
"MissMary!"itcameinonetensejerkyburst,"MissMaryit'sonlyworkingunderMissJanenowwouldmakemeleaveyouso.IknowhowgoodyouareandIworkmyselfsickforyouandforMr.EdgarandforMissJanetoo,onlyMissJaneshewillwanteverythingdifferentfromlikethewaywealwaysdid,andyouknowMissMaryIcan'thaveMissJanewatchingatmeallthetime,andeveryminutesomethingnew.MissMary,itwouldbeverybadandMissJanedon'treallywantmetocomewithyoutothenewhouse,Iknowthatallthetime.PleaseMissMarydon'tfeelbadaboutitorthinkIeverwanttogoawayfromyouifIcoulddothingsrightforyouthewaytheyoughttobe."
PoorMissMary.Strugglingwasnotathingforhertodo.Annawouldsurelyyieldifshewouldstruggle,butstrugglingwastoomuchworkandtoomuchworryforpeacefulMissMarytoendure.IfAnnawoulddososhemust.PoorMissMaryWadsmithsighed,lookedwistfullyatAnnaandthengaveitup.
"YoumustdoasyouthinkbestAnna,"shesaidatlastlettingallofhersoftselfsinkbackintothechair."IamverysorryandsoIamsurewillbeMissJanewhenshehearswhatyouhavethoughtitbesttodo.ItwasverygoodofMrs.LehntmantocomewithyouandIamsureshedoesitforyourgood.Isupposeyouwanttogooutalittlenow.ComebackinanhourAnnaandhelpmegotobed."MissMaryclosedhereyesandrestedstillandplacidbythefire.
Thetwowomenwentaway.
ThiswastheendofAnna'sservicewithMissMaryWadsmith,andsoonhernewlifetakingcareofDr.Shonjenwasbegun.
KeepinghouseforajovialbachelordoctorgavenewelementsofunderstandingtoAnna'smaidengermanmind.Herhabitswereasfirmfixedasbefore,butitalwayswaswithAnnathatthingsthathadbeendoneoncewithherenjoymentandconsentcouldalwayshappenanytimeagain,suchashergettingupatany
hourofthenighttomakeasupperandcookhotchopsandchickenfryforDr.Shonjenandhisbachelorfriends.
Annalovedtoworkformen,fortheycouldeatsomuchandwithsuchjoy.Andwhentheywerewarmandfull,theywerecontent,andletherdowhatevershethoughtbest.NotthatAnna'sconscienceeverslept,forneitherwithinterferenceorwithoutwouldshestrainlesstokeeponsavingeverycentandworkingeveryhouroftheday.Buttrulysheloveditbestwhenshecouldscold.Nowitwasnotonlyothergirlsandthecoloredman,anddogs,andcats,andhorsesandherparrot,buthercheerymaster,jollyDr.Shonjen,whomshecouldguideandconstantlyrebuketohisowngood.
Thedoctorreallylovedherscoldingsasshelovedhiswickednessesandhismerryjokingways.
ThesedayswerehappydayswithAnna.
Herfreakishhumornowfirstshoweditself,hersenseoffuninthequeerwaysthatpeoplehad,thatmadeherlaterfinddelightinbrutishservileKaty,inSally'ssillywaysandinthebadnessofPeterandofRags.Shelovedtomakesportwiththeskeletonsthedoctorhad,tomakethemmoveandmakestrangenoisestillthenegroboyshookinhisshoesandhiseyesrolledwhiteinhisagonyoffear.
ThenAnnawouldtellthesehistoriestoherdoctor.Herworn,thin,lined,determinedfacewouldformforitselfnewandhumorouscreases,andherpaleblueeyeswouldkindlewithhumourandwithjoyasherdoctorburstintohisheartylaugh.AndthegoodAnnafullofthecoquetryofpleasingwouldbridlewithherangular,thin,spinsterbody,strainingherstoriesandherselftoplease.
TheseearlydayswithjovialDr.ShonjenwereveryhappydayswiththegoodAnna.
AllofAnna'ssparehoursintheseearlydaysshespentwithherfriend,thewidowMrs.Lehntman.Mrs.LehntmanlivedwithhertwochildreninasmallhouseinthesamepartofthetownasDr.Shonjen.TheolderofthesetwochildrenwasagirlnamedJuliaandwasnowaboutthirteenyearsofage.ThisJuliaLehntmanwasanunattractivegirlenough,harshfeatured,dullandstubbornashadbeenherheavygermanfather.Mrs.Lehntmandidnottroublemuchwithher,butgaveheralwaysallshewantedthatshehad,andletthegirldoassheliked.ThiswasnotfromindifferenceordislikeonthepartofMrs.
Lehntman,itwasjustherusualway.
Hersecondchildwasaboy,twoyearsyoungerthanhissister,abright,pleasant,cheeryfellow,whotoo,didwhathelikedwithhismoneyandhistime.AllthiswassowithMrs.Lehntmanbecauseshehadsomuchinherheadandinherhousethatclamouredforherconcentrationandhertime.
Thisslacknessandneglectintherunningofthehouse,andtheindifferenceinthismotherforthetrainingofheryoungwasveryhardforourgoodAnnatoendure.Ofcourseshedidherbesttoscold,tosaveforMrs.Lehntman,andtoputthingsintheirplacethewaytheyoughttobe.
EvenintheearlydayswhenAnnawasfirstwonbytheglamourofMrs.Lehntman'sbrilliancyandcharm,shehadbeenuneasyinMrs.Lehntman'shousewithaneedofputtingthingstorights.Nowthatthetwochildrengrowingupwereofmoreimportanceinthehouse,andnowthatlongacquaintancehadbrushedthedazzleoutofAnna'seyes,shebegantostruggletomakethingsgohereasshethoughtwasright.
ShewatchedandscoldedhardthesedaystomakeyoungJuliadothewaysheshould.NotthatJuliaLehntmanwaspleasantinthegoodAnna'ssight,butitmustneverbethatayounggirlgrowingupshouldhavenoonetomakeherlearntodothingsright.
Theboywaseasiertoscold,forscoldingsneversankinverydeep,andindeedhelikedthemverywellfortheybroughtwiththemnewthingstoeat,andlivelyteasing,andgoodjokes.
Julia,thegirl,grewverysullenwithitall,andveryoftenwonherpoint,forafterallMissAnniewasnorelativeofhersandhadnobusinesscomingthereandmakingtroubleallthetime.Appealingtothemotherwasnouse.ItwaswonderfulhowMrs.Lehntmancouldlistenandnothear,couldanswerandyetnotdecide,couldsayanddowhatshewasaskedandyetleavethingsastheywerebefore.
OnedayitgotalmosttoobadforevenAnna'sfriendshiptobearout.
"Well,Julia,isyourmammaout?"Annaasked,oneSundaysummerafternoon,asshecameintotheLehntmanhouse.
Annalookedverywellthisday.Shewasalwayscarefulinherdressandsparingofnewclothes.ShemadeherselfalwaysfulfillherownidealofhowagirlshouldlookwhenshetookherSundaysout.Annaknewsowellthekindofuglinessappropriatetoeachrankinlife.
ItwasinterestingtoseehowwhensheboughtthingsforMissWadsmithandlaterforhercherishedMissMathildaandalwaysentirelyfromherowntasteandoftenascheaplyassheboughtthingsforherfriendsorforherself,thatontheonehandshechosethethingshavingtherightairforamemberoftheupperclass,andfortheothersalwaysthethingshavingtheawkwarduglinessthatwecallDutch.Sheknewthebestthingineachkind,andsheneverinthecourseofherstronglifecompromisedhersenseofwhatwastherightthingforagirltowear.
OnthisbrightsummerSundayafternoonshecametotheLehntmans',muchdressedupinhernew,brickred,silkwaisttrimmedwithbroadblackbeadedbraid,adarkclothskirtandanewstiff,shiny,blackstrawhat,trimmedwithcoloredribbonsandabird.Shehadonnewgloves,andafeatherboaaboutherneck.
Herspare,thin,awkwardbodyandherworn,paleyellowfacethoughlitupnowwiththepleasantsummersunmadeaqueerdiscordwiththebrightnessofherclothes.
ShecametotheLehntmanhouse,whereshehadnotbeenforseveraldays,andopeningthedoorthatisalwaysleftunlatchedinthehousesofthelowermiddleclassinthepleasantcitiesoftheSouth,shefoundJuliainthefamilysitting-roomalone.
"Well,Julia,whereisyourmamma?"Annaasked."Maisoutbutcomein,MissAnnie,andlookatournewbrother.""WhatyoutalksofoolishforJulia,"saidAnnasittingdown."Iain'ttalkin'foolish,MissAnnie.Didn'tyouknowmammahasjustadoptedacute,nicelittlebabyboy?""Youtalksocrazy,Julia,yououghttoknowbetterthantosaysuchthings."Juliaturnedsullen."AllrightMissAnnie,youdon'tneedtobelievewhatIsay,butthelittlebabyisinthekitchenandmawilltellyouherselfwhenshecomesin."
Itsoundedmostfantastic,butJuliahadanairoftruthandMrs.Lehntmanwascapableofdoingstrangerthings.Annawasdisturbed."WhatyoumeanJulia,"
shesaid."Idon'tmeannothin'MissAnnie,youdon'tbelievethebabyisinthere,wellyoucangoandseeitforyourself."
Annawentintothekitchen.Ababywasthereallrightenough,andalustylittleboyheseemed.Hewasverytightasleepinabasketthatstoodinthecornerbytheopendoor.
"Youmeanyourmammaisjustlettinghimstayherealittlewhile,"AnnasaidtoJuliawhohadfollowedherintothekitchentoseeMissAnniegetrealmad."Nothatain'titMissAnnie.Themotherwasthatgirl,LilythatcamefromBishop'splaceoutinthecountry,andshedon'twantnochildren,andmalikedthelittleboysomuch,shesaidshe'dkeephimhereandadopthimforherownchild."
Anna,foronce,wasfairlydumbwithastonishmentandrage.Thefrontdoorslammed.
"There'smanow,"criedJuliainanuneasytriumph,forshewasnotquitecertaininhermindwhichsideofthequestionshewason.
"There'smanow,andyoucanaskherforyourselfifIain'ttoldyoutrue."
Mrs.Lehntmancameintothekitchenwheretheywere.Shewasbland,impersonalandpleasant,asitwasherwonttobe.Stillto-day,throughthisherusualmannerthatgavehersuchsuccessinherpracticeasamidwife,thereshoneanuneasyconsciousnessofguilt,forlikeallwhohadtodowiththegoodAnna,Mrs.Lehntmandreadedherfirmcharacter,hervigorousjudgmentsandthebitterfervourofhertongue.
Ithadbeenplaintoseeinthesixyearsthesewomenweretogether,howAnnagraduallyhadcometolead.Notreallylead,ofcourse,forMrs.Lehntmannevercouldbeled,shewassoverydeviousinherways;butAnnahadcometohavedirectionwhenevershecouldlearnwhatMrs.Lehntmanmeanttodobeforethedeedwasdone.Nowitwashardtotellwhichwouldwinout.Mrs.Lehntmanhadherunhearingmindandherhappywayofgivingapleasantwelldiffusedattention,andthenshehaditonhersidethat,afterall,thisthingwasalreadydone.
Annawas,asusual,determinedfortheright.Shewasstiffandpalewithherangerandherfear,andnervous,andallatrembleaswasherusualwaywhena
bitterfightwasnear.
Mrs.Lehntmanwaseasyandpleasantasshecameintotheroom.Annawasstiffandsilentandverywhite.
"Wehaven'tseenyouforalongtime,Anna,"Mrs.Lehntmancordiallybegan."Iwasjustgettin'worriedthinkingyouwassick.My!butit'sahotdayto-day.Comeintothesittin'-room,Anna,andJuliawillmakeussomeicetea."
AnnafollowedMrs.Lehntmanintotheotherroominastiffsilence,andwhenthereshedidnot,asinvited,takeachair.
AsalwayswithAnnawhenathinghadtocomeitcameveryshortandsharp.Shefoundithardtobreathejustnow,andeverywordcamewithajerk.
"Mrs.Lehntman,itain'ttruewhatJuliasaidaboutyourtakingthatLily'sboytokeep.ItoldJuliawhenshetoldmeshewascrazytotalkso."
Anna'srealexcitementsstoppedherbreath,andmadeherwordscomesharpandwithajerk.Mrs.Lehntman'sfeelingsspreadherbreath,andmadeherwordscomeslow,butmorepleasantandmoreeasyeventhanbefore.
"WhyAnna,"shebegan,"don'tyouseeLilycouldn'tkeepherboyforsheisworkingattheBishops'now,andheissuchacutedearlittlechap,andyouknowhowfondIamoflittlefellers,andIthoughtitwouldbeniceforJuliaandforWillietohavealittlebrother.YouknowJuliaalwayslovestoplaywithbabies,andIhavetobeawaysomuch,andWillieheisrunninginthestreetseveryminuteallthetime,andyouseeababywouldbesortofnicecompanyforJulia,andyouknowyouarealwayssayingAnna,Juliashouldnotbeonthestreetssomuchandthebabywillbesogoodtokeepherin."
Annawaseveryminutepalerwithindignationandwithheat.
"Mrs.Lehntman,Idon'tseewhatbusinessitisforyoutotakeanotherbabyforyourown,whenyoucan'tdowhat'srightbyJuliaandWillieyougotherealready.There'sJulia,nobodytellsherathingwhenIain'there,andwhoisgoingtotellhernowhowtodothingsforthatbaby?Sheain'tgotnosensewhat'stherightwaytodowithchildren,andyououtallthetime,andyouain't
gotnotimeforyourownneither,andnowyouwanttobetakin'upwithstrangers.Iknowyouwascareless,Mrs.Lehntman,butIdidn'tthinkthatyoucoulddothisso.No,Mrs.Lehntman,itain'tyourdutytotakeupwithnoothers,whenyougottwochildrenofyourown,thatgottogetalongjustanywaytheycan,andyouknowyouain'tgotanytoomuchmoneyallthetime,andyouareallsocarelesshereandspenditallthetime,andJuliaandWilliegrowin'big.Itain'tright,Mrs.Lehntman,todoso."
Thiswasasbadasitcouldbe.Annahadneverspokenhermindsotoherfriendbefore.NowitwastooharshforMrs.Lehntmantoallowherselftoreallyhear.IfshereallytookthemeaninginthesewordsshecouldneveraskAnnatocomeintoherhouseagain,andshelikedAnnaverywell,andwasusedtodependonhersavingsandherstrength.AndthentooMrs.Lehntmancouldnotreallytakeinharshideas.Shewastoowelldiffusedtocatchthefeelofanysharpfirmedge.
Nowshemanagedtounderstandallthisinawaythatmadeiteasyforhertosay,"Why,Anna,Ithinkyoufeeltoobadaboutseeingwhatthechildrenaredoingeveryminuteintheday.JuliaandWilliearerealgood,andtheyplaywithallthenicestchildreninthesquare.Ifyouhadsome,allyourown,Anna,you'dseeitdon'tdonoharmtoletthemdoalittleastheylike,andJulialikesthisbabyso,andsweetdearlittleboy,itwouldbesokindofbadtosendhimtoa'sylumnow,youknowitwouldAnna,whenyoulikechildrensoyourself,andaresogoodtomyWillieallthetime.NoindeedAnna,it'seasyenoughtosayIshouldsendthispoor,cutelittleboytoa'sylumwhenIcouldkeephimheresonice,butyouknowAnna,youwouldn'tliketodoityourself,nowyoureallyknowyouwouldn't,Anna,thoughyoutalktomesohard.--My,it'shotto-day,whatyoudoin'withthaticeteainthereJulia,whenMissAnnieiswaitingallthistimeforherdrink?"
Juliabroughtintheicetea.Shewassoexcitedwiththetalkshehadbeenhearingfromthekitchen,thatshesloppeditontheplateoutoftheglassesagooddeal.Butshewassafe,forAnnafeltthistroublesodeepdownthatshedidnotevenseethoseawkward,bonyhands,adornedtodaywithanewring,thosestupid,foolishhandsthatalwaysdidthingsthewrongway.
"HereMissAnnie,"Juliasaid,"Here,MissAnnie,isyourglassoftea,Iknowyoulikeitgoodandstrong."
"No,Julia,Idon'twantnoiceteahere.Yourmammaain'tabletoaffordnow
usinghermoneyuponiceteaforherfriends.Itain'trightsheshouldnowanymore.IgooutnowtoseeMrs.Drehten.Shedoesallshecan,andsheissicknowworkingsohardtakingcareofherownchildren.Igotherenow.GoodbyMrs.Lehntman,Ihopeyoudon'tgetnobadluckdoin'whatitain'trightforyoutodo."
"My,MissAnnieisrealmadnow,"Juliasaid,asthehouseshook,asthegoodAnnashuttheoutsidedoorwithaconcentratedshatteringslam.
ItwassomemonthsnowthatAnnahadbeenintimatewithMrs.Drehten.
Mrs.DrehtenhadhadatumorandhadcometoDr.Shonjentobetreated.Duringthecourseofhervisitsthere,sheandAnnahadlearnedtolikeeachotherverywell.Therewasnofeverinthisfriendship,itwasjusttheinterchangeoftwohardworking,worryingwomen,theonelargeandmotherly,withthepleasant,patient,soft,worn,tolerantface,thatcomeswithagermanhusbandtoobey,andsevensolidgirlsandboystobearandrear,andtheotherwasourgoodAnnawithherspinsterbody,herfirmjaw,herhumorous,light,cleaneyesandherlined,worn,thin,paleyellowface.
Mrs.Drehtenlivedapatient,homely,hard-workinglife.Herhusbandanhonest,decentmanenough,wasabrewer,andsomewhatgiventooverdrinking,andsohewasoftensurlyandstingyandunpleasant.
Thefamilyofsevenchildrenwasmadeupoffourstalwart,cheery,filialsons,andthreehardworkingobedientsimpledaughters.
ItwasafamilylifethegoodAnnaverymuchapprovedandalsoshewasmuchlikedbythemall.Withagermanwoman'sfeelingforthemasterhoodinmen,shewasdociletothesurlyfatherandrarelyrubbedhimthewrongway.Tothelarge,worn,patient,sicklymothershewasasympatheticlistener,wiseincouncilandmostefficientinherhelp.Theyoungonestoo,likedherverywell.Thesonsteasedherallthetimeandroaredwithboisterouspleasurewhenshegavethembacksharphits.Thegirlswereallsogoodthatherscoldingsherewereonlyintheshapeofgoodadvice,sweetenedwithnewtrimmingsfortheirhats,andribbons,andsometimesontheirbirthdays,bitsofjewels.
ItwasherethatAnnacameforcomfortafterhergrievousstrokeatherfriendthewidow,Mrs.Lehntman.NotthatAnnawouldtellMrs.Drehtenofthistrouble.
Shecouldneverlaybarethewoundthatcametoherthroughthisidealisedaffection.HeraffairwithMrs.Lehntmanwastoosacredandtoogrievousevertobetold.Buthereinthislargehousehold,inbusymovementandvarietyinstrife,shecouldsilencetheuneasinessandpainofherownwound.
TheDrehtenslivedoutinthecountryinoneofthewooden,uglyhousesthatlieingroupsoutsideofourlargecities.
Thefatherandthesonsallhadtheirworkheremakingbeer,andthemotherandhergirlsscouredandsewedandcooked.
OnSundaystheywereallwashedveryclean,andsmellingofkitchensoap.Thesons,intheirSundayclothes,loafedaroundthehouseorinthevillage,andonspecialdayswentonpicnicswiththeirgirls.Thedaughtersintheirawkward,coloredfinerywenttochurchmostofthedayandthenwalkingwiththeirfriends.
Theyalwayscametogetherfortheirsupper,whereAnnaalwayswasmostwelcome,thejollySundayeveningsupperthatgermanpeoplelove.HereAnnaandtheboysgaveittoeachotherinsharphitsandheartyboisterouslaughter,thegirlsmadethingsforthemtoeat,andwaitedonthemall,themotherlovedallherchildrenallthetime,andthefatherjoinedinwithhisoccasionalunpleasantwordthatmadeabitterfeelingbutwhichtheyhadalllearnedtopassasifitwerenotsaid.
ItwastothecomfortofthishousethatAnnacamethatSundaysummerafternoon,aftershehadleftMrs.Lehntmanandhercarelessways.
TheDrehtenhousewasopenallabout.NoonewastherebutMrs.Drehtenrestinginherrockingchair,outinthepleasant,scented,summerair.
Annahadhadahotwalkfromthecars.
Shewentintothekitchenforacoolingdrink,andthencameoutandsatdownonthestepsnearMrs.Drehten.
Anna'sangerhadchanged.Asadnesshadcometoher.Nowwiththepatient,friendly,gentlemothertalkofMrs.Drehten,thissadnesschangedtoresignationandtorest.
Astheeveningcameontheyoungonesdroppedinonebyone.SoonthemerrySundayeveningsupperwasbegun.
IthadnotbeenallcomfortforourAnna,thesemonthsofknowingMrs.Drehten.Ithadmadetroubleforherwiththefamilyofherhalfbrother,thefatbaker.
Herhalfbrother,thefatbaker,wasaqueerkindofaman.Hewasahuge,unwieldycreature,allpuffedoutallover,andnolongerabletowalkmuch,withhisenormousbodyandthebig,swollen,burstedveinsinhisgreatlegs.Hedidnottrytowalkmuchnow.Hesataroundhisplace,leaningonhisgreatthickstick,andwatchinghisworkmenattheirwork.
Onholidays,andsometimesofaSunday,hewentoutinhisbakerywagon.Hewentthentoeachcustomerhehadandgavethemeachalarge,sweet,raisinedloafofcakybread.Ateveryhousewithmanygroansandgaspshewoulddescendhisheavyweightoutofthewagon,hisgoodfeatured,blackhaired,flat,goodnaturedfaceshiningwithoilyperspiration,withprideinlaborandwithgenerouskindness.Upeachstoophehobbledwiththehelpofhisbigstick,andintothenearestchairinthekitchenorintheparlour,asthefashionofthehousedemanded,andtherehesatandpuffed,andthenpresentedtothemistressorthecooktheraisinedgermanloafhisboysuppliedhim.
Annahadneverbeenacustomerofhis.Shehadalwayslivedinanotherpartofthetown,butheneverleftheroutinthesebakeryprogressesofhis,andalwayswithhisownhandhegaveherherfestiveloaf.
Annalikedherhalfbrotherwellenough.Sheneverknewhimreallywell,forherarelytalkedatallandleastofalltowomen,butheseemedtoher,honest,andgoodandkind,andhenevertriedtointerfereinAnna'sways.AndthenAnnalikedtheloavesofraisinedbread,forinthesummersheandthesecondgirlcouldliveonthem,andnotbebuyingbreadwiththehouseholdmoneyallthetime.
ButthingswerenotsosimplewithourAnna,withtheothermembersofherhalfbrother'shouse.
Herhalfbrother'sfamilywasmadeupofhimself,hiswife,andtheirtwodaughters.
Annaneverlikedherbrother'swife.
TheyoungestofthetwodaughterswasnamedafterherauntAnna.
Annaneverlikedherhalfbrother'swife.ThiswomanhadbeenverygoodtoAnna,neverinterferinginherways,alwaysgladtoseeherandtomakehervisitspleasant,butshehadnotfoundfavourinourgoodAnna'ssight.
Annahadtoo,norealaffectionforhernieces.Sheneverscoldedthemortriedtoguidethemfortheirgood.Annanevercriticisedorinterferedintherunningofherhalfbrother'shouse.
Mrs.Federnerwasagoodlooking,prosperouswoman,alittleharshandcoldwithinhersoulperhaps,buttryingalwaystobepleasant,goodandkind.Herdaughterswerewelltrained,quiet,obedient,welldressedgirls,andyetourgoodAnnalovedthemnot,northeirmother,noranyoftheirways.
ItwasinthishousethatAnnahadfirstmetherfriend,thewidow,Mrs.Lehntman.
TheFedernershadneverseemedtofeelitwronginAnna,herdevotiontothisfriendandhercareofherandofherchildren.Mrs.LehntmanandAnnaandherfeelingswereallsomehowtoobigfortheirattack.ButMrs.Federnerhadthemindandtonguethatblackenthings.Notreallytoblackenblack,ofcourse,butjusttoroughenandtorubonalittlesmut.ShecouldsomehowmakeeventhefaceoftheAlmightyseempimplyandalittlecoarse,andsoshealwaysdidthiswithherfriends,thoughnotwiththeintenttointerfere.
ThiswasreallytruewithMrs.LehntmanthatMrs.Federnerdidnotmeantointerfere,butAnna'sfriendshipwiththeDrehtenswasaverydifferentmatter.
WhyshouldMrs.Drehten,thatpoorcommonworkingwifeofamanwhoworkedforothersinabreweryandwhoalwaysdranktoomuch,andwasnotlikeathrifty,decentgermanman,whyshouldthatMrs.Drehtenandherugly,awkwarddaughtersbegettingpresentsfromherhusband'ssisterallthetime,andherhusbandalwayssogoodtoAnna,andoneofthegirlshavinghernametoo,andthoseDrehtensallstrangerstoherandnevergoingtocometoanygood?ItwasnotrightforAnnatodoso.
Mrs.Federnerknewbetterthantosaysuchthingsstraightouttoherhusband'sfiery,stubbornsister,butshelostnochancetoletAnnafeelandseewhattheyallthought.
ItwaseasytoblackenalltheDrehtens,theirpoverty,thehusband'sdrinking,thefourbigsonscarryingonandalwayslazy,theawkward,uglydaughtersdressingupwithAnna'shelpandtryingtolooksofine,andthepoor,weak,hard-workingsicklymother,soeasytodegradewithlargedosingsofcontemptuouspity.
AnnacouldnotdomuchwiththeseattacksforMrs.Federneralwaysendedwith,"AndyousogoodtothemAnnaallthetime.Idon'tseehowtheycouldgetalongatallifyoudidn'thelpthemallthetime,butyouaresogoodAnna,andgotsuchafeelingheart,justlikeyourbrother,thatyougiveanythingawayyougottoanybodythatwillaskyouforit,andthat'sshamelessenoughtotakeitwhentheyain'tnorelativesofyours.PoorMrs.Drehten,sheisagoodwoman.Poorthingitmustbeawfulhardforhertohavetotakethingsfromstrangersallthetime,andherhusbandspendingitondrink.IwassayingtoMrs.Lehntman,Anna,onlyyesterday,howIneverwassosorryforanyoneasMrs.Drehten,andhowgooditwasforyoutohelpthemallthetime."
Allthismeantagoldwatchandchaintohergoddaughterforherbirthday,thenextmonth,andanewsilkumbrellafortheeldersister.PoorAnna,andshedidnotlovethemverymuch,theserelativesofhers,andtheyweretheonlykinshehad.
Mrs.Lehntmanneverjoinedin,intheseattacks.Mrs.Lehntmanwasdiffuseandcarelessinherways,butsheneverworkedsuchthingsforherownends,andshewastoosureofAnnatobejealousofherotherfriends.
AllthistimeAnnawasleadingherhappylifewithDr.Shonjen.Shehadeverydayherbusytime.Shecookedandsavedandsewedandscrubbedandscolded.Andeverynightshehadherhappytime,inseeingherDoctorlikethefinethingssheboughtsocheapandcookedsogoodforhimtoeat.Andthenhewouldlistenandlaughsoloud,asshetoldhimstoriesofwhathadhappenedonthatday.
TheDoctor,too,likeditbetterallthetimeandseveraltimesinthesefiveyearshehadofhisownmotionraisedherwages.
Annawascontentwithwhatshehadandgratefulforallherdoctordidforher.
SoAnna'sservingandhergivinglifewenton,eachwithitsvariedpleasuresanditspains.
TheadoptingofthelittleboydidnotputanendtoAnna'sfriendshipforthewidowMrs.Lehntman.NeitherthegoodAnnanorthecarelessMrs.Lehntmanwouldgiveeachotherupexceptingforthegravestcause.
Mrs.LehntmanwastheonlyromanceAnnaeverknew.AcertainmagneticbrilliancyinpersonandinmannermadeMrs.Lehntmanawomanotherwomenloved.Then,too,shewasgenerousandgoodandhonest,thoughshewassocarelessalwaysinherways.AndthenshetrustedAnnaandlikedherbetterthananyofherotherfriends,andAnnaalwaysfeltthisverymuch.
No,AnnacouldnotgiveupMrs.Lehntman,andsoonshewasbusierthanbeforemakingJuliadothingsrightforlittleJohnny.
AndnownewschemeswereworkingstronginMrs.Lehntman'shead,andAnnamustlistentoherplansandhelphermakethemwork.
Mrs.Lehntmanalwayslovedbestinherworktodeliveryounggirlswhowereintrouble.Shewouldkeeptheseinherhouseuntiltheycouldgototheirhomesortotheirwork,andslowlypayherbackthemoneyfortheircare.
Annahadalwayshelpedherfriendtodothisthing,forlikeallthegoodwomenofthedecentpoor,shefeltithardthatgirlsshouldnotbehelped,notgirlsthatwerereallybadofcourse,theseshecondemnedandhatedinherheartandwithhertongue,buthonest,decent,good,hardworking,foolishgirlswhowereintrouble.
ForsuchastheseAnnaalwayslikedtogivehermoneyandherstrength.
NowMrs.Lehntmanthoughtthatitwouldpaytotakeabighouseforherselftotakeingirlsandtodoeverythinginabigway.
Annadidnotlikethisplan.
Annawasneverdaringinherways.Saveandyouwillhavethemoneyyouhavesaved,wasallthatshecouldknow.
NotthatthegoodAnnahaditso.
Shesavedandsavedandalwayssaved,andthenhereandthere,tothisfriend
andtothat,tooneinhertroubleandtotheotherinherjoy,insickness,death,andweddings,ortomakeyoungpeoplehappy,italwayswent,thehardearnedmoneyshehadsaved.
AnnacouldnotclearlyseehowMrs.Lehntmancouldmakeabighousepay.Inthesmallhousewhereshehadthesegirls,itdidnotpay,andinabighousetherewassomuchmorethatshewouldspend.
SuchthingswerehardforthegoodAnnatoveryclearlysee.OnedayshecameintotheLehntmanhouse."Anna,"Mrs.Lehntmansaid,"youknowthatnicebighouseonthenextcornerthatwesawtorent.Itookitforayearjustyesterday.IpaidalittledownyouknowsoIcouldhaveitsureallrightandnowyoufixitupjustlikeyouwant.Iletyoudojustwhatyoulikewithit."
Annaknewthatitwasnowtoolate.However,"ButMrs.Lehntmanyousaidyouwouldnottakeanotherhouse,yousaidsojustlastweek.Oh,Mrs.LehntmanIdidn'tthinkthatyouwoulddothisso!"
Annaknewsowellitwastoolate.
"Iknow,Anna,butitwassuchagoodhouse,justrightyouknowandsomeoneelsewastheretosee,andyouknowyousaiditsuitedverywell,andifIdidn'ttakeittheotherssaidtheywould,andIwantedtoaskyouonlytherewasn'ttime,andreallyAnna,Idon'tneedmuchhelp,itwillgosowellIknow.Ijustneedalittletobeginandtofixupwithandthat'sallAnnathatIneed,andIknowitwillgoawfulwell.YouwaitAnnaandyou'llsee,andIletyoufixitupjustlikeyouwant,andyouwillmakeitlooksonice,yougotsuchsenseinallthesethings.Itwillbeagoodplace.YouseeAnnaifIain'trightinwhatIsay."
OfcourseAnnagavethemoneyforthisthingthoughshecouldnotbelievethatitwasbest.No,itwasverybad.Mrs.Lehntmancouldnevermakeitpayanditwouldcostsomuchtokeep.ButwhatcouldourpoorAnnado?RememberMrs.LehntmanwastheonlyromanceAnnaeverknew.
Anna'sstrengthinhercontrolofwhatwasdoneinMrs.Lehntman'shouse,wasnotnowwhatithadbeenbeforethatLily'slittleJohnnycame.ThatthinghadbeenforAnnaadefeat.TherehadbeennofightingtoafinishbutMrs.Lehntmanhadverysurelywon.
Mrs.LehntmanneededAnnajustasmuchasAnnaneededMrs.Lehntman,but
Mrs.LehntmanwasmorereadytoriskAnna'sloss,andsothegoodAnnagrewalwaysweakerinherpowertocontrol.
Infriendship,poweralwayshasitsdownwardcurve.One'sstrengthtomanagerisesalwayshigheruntiltherecomesatimeonedoesnotwin,andthoughonemaynotreallylose,stillfromthetimethatvictoryisnotsure,one'spowerslowlyceasestobestrong.Itisonlyinaclosetiesuchasmarriage,thatinfluencecanmountandgrowalwaysstrongerwiththeyearsandnevermeetwithadecline.Itcanonlyhappensowhenthereisnowaytoescape.
Friendshipgoesbyfavour.Thereisalwaysdangerofabreakorofastrongerpowercominginbetween.Influencecanonlybeasteadymarchwhenonecansurelyneverbreakaway.
AnnawantedMrs.LehntmanverymuchandMrs.LehntmanneededAnna,buttherewerealwaysotherwaystodoandifAnnahadoncegivenupshemightdosoagain,sowhyshouldMrs.Lehntmanhaverealfear?
No,whilethegoodAnnadidnotcometoopenfightshehadbeenstronger.NowMrs.Lehntmancouldalwaysholdoutlonger.Sheknewtoo,thatAnnahadafeelingheart.Annacouldneverstopdoingallshecouldforanyonethatreallyneededhelp.PoorAnnahadnopowertosayno.
Andthen,too,Mrs.LehntmanwastheonlyromanceAnnaeverknew.Romanceistheidealinone'slifeanditisverylonelylivingwithitlost.
SothegoodAnnagaveallhersavingsforthisplace,althoughsheknewthatthiswasnottherightwayforherfriendtodo.
Forsometimenowtheywereallverybusyfixingupthehouse.ItswallowedallAnna'ssavingsfixingupthishouse,forwhenAnnaoncebegantomakeitnice,shecouldnotleaveitbeuntilitwasasgoodasforthepurposeitshouldbe.
SomehowitwasAnnanowthatreallytooktheinterestinthehouse.Mrs.Lehntman,nowthethingwasdoneseemedverylifeless,withoutinterestinthehouse,uneasyinhermindandrestlessinherways,andmorediffuseeventhanbeforeinherattention.Shewasgoodandkindtoallthepeopleinherhouse,andletthemdowhatevertheythoughtbest.
AnnadidnotfailtoseethatMrs.Lehntmanhadsomethingonhermindthatwasallnew.WhatwasitthatdisturbedMrs.Lehntmanso?ShekeptonsayingitwasallinAnna'shead.Shehadnotroublenowatall.Everybodywassogoodanditwasallsoniceinthenewhouse.Butsurelytherewassomethingherethatwasallwrong.
Annaheardagooddealofallthisfromherhalfbrother'swife,thehardspeakingMrs.Federner.
Throughthefogofdustandworkandfurnishinginthenewhouse,andthroughthedisturbedmindofMrs.Lehntman,andwiththedarkhintsofMrs.Federner,thereloomeduptoAnna'ssightaman,anewdoctorthatMrs.Lehntmanknew.
Annahadnevermetthemanbutsheheardofhimveryoftennow.Notfromherfriend,thewidowMrs.Lehntman.AnnaknewthatMrs.LehntmanmadeofhimamysterythatAnnahadnotthestrengthjustthentovigorouslybreakdown.
Mrs.Federnergavealwaysdarksuggestionsandunpleasanthints.EvengoodMrs.Drehtentalkedofit.
Mrs.Lehntmanneverspokeofthenewdoctormorethanshecouldhelp.ThiswasmostmysteriousandunpleasantandveryhardforourgoodAnnatoendure.
Anna'stroublescameallofthematonce.
HereinMrs.Lehntman'shouseloomedupdismalandforbidding,amysterious,perhapsanevilman.InDr.Shonjen'shousewerebeginningsignsofinterestinthedoctorinawoman.
This,too,Mrs.FederneroftentoldtothepoorAnna.Thedoctorsurelywouldbemarriedsoon,helikedsomuchnowtogotoMr.Weingartner'shousewheretherewasadaughterwholovedDoctor,everybodyknew.
Inthesedaysthelivingroominherhalfbrother'shousewasAnna'storturechamber.Andworstofalltherewassomuchreasonforherhalfsister'swords.TheDoctorcertainlydidlooklikemarriageandMrs.Lehntmanactedveryqueer.
PoorAnna.Darkwerethesedaysandmuchshehadtosuffer.
TheDoctor'stroublecametoaheadthefirst.ItwastrueDoctorwasengagedandtobemarriedsoon.HetoldAnnasohimself.
WhatwasthegoodAnnanowtodo?Dr.Shonjenwantedherofcoursetostay.Annawassosadwithallthesetroubles.SheknewhereintheDoctor'shouseitwouldbebadwhenhewasmarried,butshehadnotthestrengthnowtobefirmandgoaway.Shesaidatlastthatshewouldtryandstay.
Doctorgotmarriednowverysoon.Annamadethehouseallbeautifulandcleanandshereallyhopedthatshemightstay.Butthiswasnotforlong.
Mrs.Shonjenwasaproud,unpleasantwoman.Shewantedconstantserviceandattentionandneverevenathankyoutoaservant.SoonallDoctor'soldpeoplewentaway.AnnawenttoDoctorandexplained.Shetoldhimwhatalltheservantsthoughtofhisnewwife.Annabadehimasadfarewellandwentaway.
Annawasnowmostuncertainwhattodo.ShecouldgotoCurdentoherMissMaryWadsmithwhoalwayswrotehowmuchsheneededAnna,butAnnastilldreadedMissJane'sinterferingways.Thentoo,shecouldnotyetgoawayfromBridgepointandfromMrs.Lehntman,unpleasantasitalwayswasnowoverthere.
ThroughoneofDoctor'sfriendsAnnaheardofMissMathilda.AnnawasverydoubtfulaboutworkingforaMissMathilda.Shedidnotthinkitwouldbegoodworkingforawomananymore.ShehadfounditverygoodwithMissMarybutshedidnotthinkthatmanywomenwouldbeso.
Mostwomenwereinterferingintheirways.
AnnaheardthatMissMathildawasagreatbigwoman,notsobigperhapsasherMissMary,stillshewasbig,andthegoodAnnalikedthembetterso.Shedidnotlikethemthinandsmallandactiveandalwayslookinginandalwaysprying.
Annacouldnotmakeuphermindwhatwasthebestthingnowforhertodo.Shecouldsewandthiswaymakealiving,butshedidnotlikesuchbusinessverywell.
Mrs.LehntmanurgedtheplacewithMissMathilda.ShewassureAnnawouldfinditbetterso.ThegoodAnnadidnotknow.
"WellAnna,"Mrs.Lehntmansaid,"Itellyouwhatwedo.Igowithyoutothatwomanthattellsfortunes,perhapsshetellussomethingthatwillshowuswhatisthebestwayforyounowtodo."
Itwasverybadtogotoawomanwhotellsfortunes.AnnawasofstrongSouthGermanCatholicreligionandthegermanpriestsinthechurchesalwayssaidthatitwasverybadtodothingsso.ButwhatelsenowcouldthegoodAnnado?Shewassomixedandbotheredinhermind,andtroubledwiththislifethatwasallwrong,thoughshedidtrysohardtodothebestsheknew."Allright,Mrs.Lehntman,"Annasaidatlast,"IthinkIgotherenowwithyou."
Thiswomanwhotoldfortuneswasamedium.Shehadahouseinthelowerquarterofthetown.Mrs.LehntmanandthegoodAnnawenttoher.
Themediumopenedthedoorforthemherself.Shewasaloosemade,dusty,dowdywomanwithapersuading,consciousandembracingmannerandverygreasyhair.
Thewomanletthemcomeintothehouse.
Thestreetdooropenedstraightintotheparlor,asisthewayinthesmallhousesofthesouth.Theparlorhadathickandfloweredcarpetonthefloor.Theroomwasfullofdirtythingsallmadebyhand.Somehunguponthewall,somewereontheseatsandoverbacksofchairsandsomeontablesandonthosewhat-notsthatpoorpeoplelove.Andeverywherewerelittlethingsthatbreak.Manyoftheselittlethingswerebrokenandtheplacewasstuffyandnotclean.
Nomediumusesherparlorforherwork.Itisalwaysinhereatingroomthatshehashertrances.
Theeatingroominallthesehousesisthelivingroominwinter.Ithasaroundtableinthecentrecoveredwithadecoratedwoolencloth,thathassoakedinthegreaseofmanydinners,forthoughitshouldbealwaystakenoff,itiseasiertospreadtheclothuponitthanchangeitfortheblanketdeadenerthatoneowns.Theupholsteredchairsaredarkandworn,anddirty.Thecarpethasgrowndingywiththefoodthat'sfallenfromthetable,thedirtthat'sscrapedfromofftheshoes,andthedustthatsettleswiththeages.Thesombregreenishcoloredpaperonthewallshasbeensmokedadismaldirtygrey,andallpervadingisthesmellofsoupmadeoutofonionsandfatchunksofmeat.
ThemediumbroughtMrs.LehntmanandourAnnaintothiseatingroom,aftershehadfoundoutwhatitwastheywanted.Theyallthreesataroundthetableandthenthemediumwentintohertrance.
Themediumfirstclosedhereyesandthentheyopenedverywideandlifeless.Shetookanumberofdeepbreaths,chokedseveraltimesandswallowedveryhard.Shewavedherhandbackeverynowandthen,andshebegantospeakinamonotonousslow,eventone.
"Isee--Isee--don'tcrowdsoonme,--Isee--Isee--toomanyforms--don'tcrowdsoonme--Isee--Isee--youarethinkingofsomething--youdon'tknowwhetheryouwanttodoitnow.Isee--Isee--don'tcrowdsoonme--Isee--Isee--youarenotsure,--Isee--Isee--ahousewithtreesaroundit,--itisdark--itisevening--Isee--Isee--yougointhehouse--Isee--Iseeyoucomeout--itwillbeallright--yougoanddoit--dowhatyouarenotcertainabout--itwillcomeoutallright--itisbestandyoushoulddoitnow."
Shestopped,shemadedeepgulps,hereyesrolledbackintoherhead,sheswallowedhardandthenshewasherformerdingyandblandselfagain.
"Didyougetwhatyouwantedthatthespiritshouldtellyou?"thewomanasked.Mrs.Lehntmanansweredyes,itwasjustwhatherfriendhadwantedsobadtoknow.Annawasuneasyinthishousewithsuperstition,withfearofhergoodpriest,andwithdisgustatallthedirtandgrease,butshewasmostcontentfornowsheknewwhatitwasbestforhertodo.
Annapaidthewomanforherworkandthentheycameaway.
"ThereAnnadidn'tItellyouhowitwouldallbe?Youseethespiritsayssotoo.YoumusttaketheplacewithMissMathilda,thatiswhatItoldyouwasthebestthingforyoutodo.Wegooutandseeherwhereshelivesto-night.Ain'tyouglad,Anna,thatItookyoutothisplace,soyouknownowwhatyouwilldo?"
Mrs.LehntmanandAnnawentthateveningtoseeMissMathilda.MissMathildawasstayingwithafriendwholivedinahousethatdidhavetreesabout.MissMathildawasnotthereherselftotalkwithAnna.
Ifithadnotbeenthatitwasevening,andsodark,andthatthishousehadtreesallroundabout,andthatAnnafoundherselfgoinginandcomingoutjustasthe
womanthatdaysaidthatshewoulddo,haditnotallbeenjustasthemediumsaid,thegoodAnnawouldneverhavetakentheplacewithMissMathilda.
AnnadidnotseeMissMathildaandshedidnotlikethefriendwhoactedinherplace.
Thisfriendwasadark,sweet,gentlelittlemotherwoman,veryeasytobepleasedinherownworkandverygoodtoservants,butshefeltthatactingforheryoungfriend,thecarelessMissMathilda,shemustbeverycarefultoexaminewellandseethatallwasrightandthatAnnawouldsurelydothebestsheknew.SheaskedAnnaallaboutherwaysandherintentionsandhowmuchshewouldspend,andhowoftenshewentoutandwhethershecouldwashandcookandsew.
ThegoodAnnasetherteethfasttoendureandwouldhardlyansweranythingatall.Mrs.Lehntmanmadeitallgofairlywell.
ThegoodAnnawasallworkedupwithherresentment,andMissMathilda'sfrienddidnotthinkthatshewoulddo.
However,MissMathildawaswillingtobeginandasforAnna,sheknewthatthemediumsaiditmustbeso.Mrs.Lehntman,too,wassure,andsaidsheknewthatthiswasthebestthingforAnnanowtodo.SoAnnasentwordatlasttoMissMathilda,thatifshewantedher,shewouldtryifitwoulddo.
SoAnnabegananewlifetakingcareofMissMathilda.
AnnafixedupthelittleredbrickhousewhereMissMathildawasgoingtoliveandmadeitverypleasant,cleanandnice.Shebroughtoverherdog,Baby,andherparrot.ShehiredLizzieforasecondgirltobewithherandsoontheywereallcontent.Allexcepttheparrot,forMissMathildadidnotlikeitsscream.Babywasallrightbutnottheparrot.ButthenAnnaneverreallylovedtheparrot,andsoshegaveittotheDrehtengirlstokeep.
BeforeAnnacouldreallyrestcontentwithMissMathilda,shehadtotellhergoodgermanpriestwhatitwasthatshehaddone,andhowverybaditwasthatshehadbeenandhowshewouldneverdosoagain.
Annareallydidbelievewithallhermight.Itwasherfortunenevertolivewithpeoplewhohadanyfaith,butthenthatneverworriedAnna.Sheprayedforthem
alwaysassheshould,andshewasverysurethattheyweregood.ThedoctorlovedtoteaseherwithhisdoubtsandMissMathildalikedtodosotoo,butwiththetolerantspiritofherchurch,Annaneverthoughtthatsuchthingswerebadforthemtodo.
Annafoundithardtoalwaysknowjustwhyitwasthatthingswentwrong.Sometimesherglassesbrokeandthensheknewthatshehadnotdoneherdutybythechurch,justinthewaythatsheshoulddo.
Sometimesshewassohardatworkthatshewouldnotgotomass.Somethingalwayshappenedthen.Anna'stempergrewirritableandherwaysuncertainanddistraught.Everybodysufferedandthenherglassesbroke.Thatwasalwaysverybadbecausetheycostsomuchtofix.StillinawayitalwaysendedAnna'stroubles,becausesheknewthenthatallthiswasbecauseshehadbeenbad.Aslongasshecouldscolditmightbejustthebadwaysofallthethoughtlesscarelessworld,butwhenherglassesbrokethatmadeitclear.Thatmeantthatitwassheherselfwhohadbeenbad.
No,itwasnouseforAnnanottodothewaysheshould,forthingsalwaysthenwentwrongandfinallycostmoneytomakewhole,andthiswasthehardestthingforthegoodAnnatoendure.
Annaalmostalwaysdidherduty.Shemadeconfessionandhermissionwheneveritwasright.Ofcourseshedidnottellthefatherwhenshedeceivedpeoplefortheirgood,orwhenshewantedthemtogivesomethingforalittleless.
WhenAnnatoldsuchhistoriestoherdoctorandlatertohercherishedMissMathilda,hereyeswerealwaysfullofhumorandenjoymentassheexplainedthatshehadsaiditso,andnowshewouldnothavetotellthefatherforshehadnotreallymadeasin.
ButgoingtoafortunetellerAnnaknewwasreallybad.Thathadtobetoldtothefatherjustasitwasandpenancehadthentobedone.
Annadidthisandnowhernewlifewaswellbegun,makingMissMathildaandtherestdojustthewaytheyshould.
Yes,takingcareofMissMathildawerethehappiestdaysofallthegoodAnna'sstronghardworkinglife.
WithMissMathildaAnnadiditall.Theclothes,thehouse,thehats,whatsheshouldwearandwhenandwhatwasalwaysbestforhertodo.TherewasnothingMissMathildawouldnotletAnnamanage,andonlybetoogladifshewoulddo.
Annascoldedandcookedandsewedandsavedsowell,thatMissMathildahadsomuchtospend,thatitkeptAnnastillbusierscoldingallthetimeaboutthethingsshebought,thatmadesomuchworkforAnnaandtheothergirltodo.Butforallthescolding,AnnawasproudalmosttoburstingofhercherishedMissMathildawithallherknowledgeandhergreatpossessions,andthegoodAnnawasalwaystellingofitalltoeverybodythatsheknew.
YesthesewerethehappiestdaysofallherlifewithAnna,eventhoughwithherfriendsthereweregreatsorrows.ButthesesorrowsdidnothurtthegoodAnnanow,astheyhaddoneintheyearsthatwentbefore.
MissMathildawasnotaromanceinthegoodAnna'slife,butAnnagavehersomuchstrongaffectionthatitalmostfilledherlifeasfull.
ItwaswellforthegoodAnnathatherlifewithMissMathildawassohappy,fornowinthesedays,Mrs.Lehntmanwentaltogetherbad.Thedoctorshehadlearnedtoknow,wastoocertainlyanevilaswellasamysteriousman,andhehadpoweroverthewidowandmidwife,Mrs.Lehntman.
AnnaneversawMrs.Lehntmanatallnowanymore.
Mrs.LehntmanhadborrowedsomemoremoneyandhadgivenAnnaanotethenforitall,andafterthatAnnaneversawheranymore.AnnanowstoppedaltogethergoingtotheLehntmans'.Julia,thetall,gawky,good,blonde,stupiddaughter,cameoftentoseeAnna,butshecouldtelllittleofhermother.
ItcertainlydidlookverymuchasifMrs.Lehntmanhadnowgonealtogetherbad.ThiswasagreatgrieftothegoodAnna,butnotsogreatagriefasitwouldhavebeenhadnotMissMathildameantsomuchtohernow.
Mrs.Lehntmanwentfrombadtoworse.Thedoctor,themysteriousandevilman,gotintotroubledoingthingsthatwerenotrighttodo.
Mrs.Lehntmanwasmixedupinthisaffair.
Itwasjustasbadasitcouldbe,buttheymanaged,boththedoctorandMrs.Lehntman,finallytocomeoutsafe.
EverybodywassosorryaboutMrs.Lehntman.Shehadbeenreallyagoodwomanbeforeshemetthisdoctor,andevennowshecertainlyhadnotbeenreallybad.
ForseveralyearsnowAnnaneverevensawherfriend.
ButAnnaalwaysfoundnewpeopletobefriend,peoplewho,inthekindlyfashionofthepoor,useduphersavingsandthengavepromisesinplaceofpayments.Annaneverreallythoughtthatthesepeoplewouldbegood,butwhentheydidnotdothewaytheyshould,andwhentheydidnotpayherbackthemoneyshehadloaned,andneverseemedthebetterforhercare,thenAnnawouldgrowbitterwiththeworld.
No,noneofthemhadanysenseofwhatwastherightwayforthemtodo.SoAnnawouldrepeatinherdespair.
Thepooraregenerouswiththeirthings.Theygivealwayswhattheyhave,butwiththemtogiveortoreceivebringswithitnofeelingthattheyowethegiverforthegift.
EvenathriftygermanAnnawasreadytogiveallthatshehadsaved,andsonotbesurethatshewouldhaveenoughtotakecareofherselfifshefellsick,orforoldage,whenshecouldnotwork.Saveandyouwillhavethemoneyyouhavesavedwastrueonlyforthedayofsaving,evenforathriftygermanAnna.Therewasnocertainwaytohaveitforoldage,forthetakingcareofwhatissavedcanneverbereliedon,foritmustalwaysbeinstrangers'handsinabankorininvestmentsbyafriend.
Andsowhenanydayonemightneedlifeandhelpfromothersoftheworkingpoor,therewasnowayawomanwhohadalittlesavedcouldsaythemno.
SothegoodAnnagaveheralltofriendsandstrangers,tochildren,dogsandcats,toanythingthataskedorseemedtoneedhercare.
ItwasinthiswaythatAnnacametohelpthebarberandhiswifewholivedaroundthecorner,andwhosomehowcouldnevermakeendsmeet.Theyworked
hard,werethrifty,hadnovices,butthebarberwasoneofthemwhonevercanmakemoney.Whoeverowedhimmoneydidnotpay.Wheneverhehadachanceatagoodjobhefellsickandcouldnottakeit.Itwasneverhisownfaultthathehadtrouble,butheneverseemedtomakethingscomeoutright.
Hiswifewasablonde,thin,pale,germanlittlewoman,whoboreherchildrenveryhard,andworkedtoosoon,andthentillshewassick.Shetoo,alwayshadthingsthatwentwrong.
Theybothneededconstanthelpandpatience,andthegoodAnnagavebothtothemallthetime.
AnotherwomanwhoneededhelpfromthegoodAnna,wasonewhowasintroublefrombeinggoodtoothers.
Thiswoman'shusband'sbrother,whowasverygood,workedinashopwheretherewasaBohemian,whowasgettingsickwithconsumption.Thismangotsomuchworsehecouldnotdohiswork,buthewasnotsosickthathecouldstayinahospital.Sothiswomanhadhimlivingtherewithher.Hewasnotaniceman,norwashethankfulforallthewomandidforhim.Hewascrosstohertwochildrenandmadeagreatmessalwaysinherhouse.Thedoctorsaidhemusthavemanythingstoeat,andthewomanandthebrotherofthehusbandgotthemforhim.
Therewasnofriendship,noaffection,nolikingevenforthemanthiswomancaredfor,noclaimofcommoncountryorofkin,butinthekindlyfashionofthepoorthiswomangaveherallandmadeherhouseanastyplace,andforamanwhowasnotevengratefulforthegift.
Then,ofcourse,thewomanherselfgotintotrouble.Herhusband'sbrotherwasnowmarried.Herhusbandlosthisjob.Shedidnothavethemoneyfortherent.ItwasthegoodAnna'ssavingsthatwerehandy.
Soitwenton.Sometimesalittlegirl,sometimesabigonewasintroubleandAnnaheardofthemandhelpedthemtofindplaces.
StraydogsandcatsAnnaalwayskeptuntilshefoundthemhomes.Shewasalwayscarefultolearnwhetherthesepeoplewouldbegoodtoanimals.
Outofthewholecollectionofstraycreatures,itwastheyoungPeterandthejollylittleRags,Annacouldnotfinditinherhearttopartwith.ThesebecamepartofthehouseholdofthegoodAnna'sMissMathilda.
Peterwasaveryuselesscreature,afoolish,silly,cherished,cowardmale.Itwaswildtoseehimrushupanddowninthebackyard,barkingandbouncingatthewall,whentherewassomedogoutbeyond,butwhentheverylittlestonetherewasgotinsideofthefenceandonlylookedatPeter,PeterwouldretiretohisAnnaandblothimselfoutbetweenherskirts.
WhenPeterwasleftdownstairsalone,hehowled."Iamallalone,"hewailed,andthenthegoodAnnawouldhavetocomeandfetchhimup.OncewhenAnnastayedafewnightsinahousenotfaraway,shehadtocarryPeteralltheway,forPeterwasafraidwhenhefoundhimselfonthestreetoutsidehishouse.Peterwasagoodsizedcreatureandhesatthereandhehowled,andthegoodAnnacarriedhimallthewayinherownarms.HewasacowardwasthisPeter,buthehadkindly,gentleeyesandaprettycolliehead,andhisfurwasverythickandwhiteandnicewhenhewaswashed.AndthenPeterneverstrayedaway,andhelookedoutofhisniceeyesandhelikeditwhenyourubbedhimdown,andheforgotyouwhenyouwentaway,andhebarkedwhenevertherewasanynoise.
Whenhewasalittlepuphehadonenightbeenputintotheyardandthatwasallofhisoriginsheknew.ThegoodAnnalovedhimwellandspoiledhimasagoodgermanmotheralwaysdoesherson.
LittleRagswasverydifferentinhisnature.Hewasalivelycreaturemadeoutofendsofthings,allfluffyanddustcolor,andhewasalwaysboundingupintotheairanddartingallaboutoverandthenundersillyPeterandoftenstraightintosolemnfat,blind,sleepyBaby,andtheninawildrushaftersomestraycat.
Ragswasapleasant,jollylittlefellow.ThegoodAnnalikedhimverywell,butneverwithherstrengthasshelovedhergoodlookingcoward,foolishyoungman,Peter.
BabywasthedogofherpastlifeandsheheldAnnawitholdtiesofpastaffection.Peterwasthespoiled,goodlookingyoungman,ofhermiddleage,andRagswasalwayssomethingofatoy.Shelikedhimbutheneverstruckinverydeep.Ragshadstrayedinsomehowonedayandthenwhennohomeforhimwasquicklyfound,hehadjuststayedrightthere.
Itwasaveryhappyfamilytherealltogetherinthekitchen,thegoodAnnaandSallyandoldBabyandyoungPeterandthejollylittleRags.
TheparrothadpassedoutofAnna'slife.Shehadreallyneverlovedtheparrotandnowshehardlythoughttoaskforhim,evenwhenshevisitedtheDrehtens.
Mrs.DrehtenwasthefriendAnnaalwayswentto,forherSundays.ShedidnotgetadvicefromMrs.Drehtenassheusedtofromthewidow,Mrs.Lehntman,forMrs.Drehtenwasamild,worn,unaggressivenaturethatnevercaredtoinfluenceortolead.Buttheycouldmourntogetherfortheworldthesetwoworn,workinggermanwomen,foritssadnessanditswickedwaysofdoing.Mrs.Drehtenknewsowellwhatonecouldsuffer.
ThingsdidnotgowellinthesedayswiththeDrehtens.Thechildrenwereallgood,butthefatherwithhistemperandhisspendingkepteverythingfrombeingwhatitshould.
PoorMrs.Drehtenstillhadtroublewithhertumor.Shecouldhardlydoanyworknowanymore.Mrs.Drehtenwasalarge,worn,patientgermanwoman,withasoftface,lined,yellowbrownincolorandthelookthatcomesfromagermanhusbandtoobey,andmanysolidgirlsandboystobearandrear,andfrombeingalwaysonone'sfeetandneverhavinganytroublescured.
Mrs.Drehtenwasalwaysgettingworse,andnowthedoctorthoughtitwouldbebesttotakethetumorout.
ItwasnolongerDr.ShonjenwhotreatedMrs.Drehten.Theyallwentnowtoagoodoldgermandoctortheyallknew.
"Yousee,MissMathilda,"Annasaid,"Alltheoldgermanpatientsdon'tgonomorenowtoDoctor.IstayedwithhimjustsolongasIcouldstandit,butnowheismovedawayuptowntoofarforpoorpeople,andhiswife,sheholdsherheadupsoandalwaysisspendingsomuchmoneyjustforshow,andsohecan'ttakerightcareofuspoorpeopleanymore.Poorman,hehasgotalwaystobethinkingaboutmakingmoneynow.IamawfulsorryaboutDoctor,MissMathilda,butheneglectedMrs.Drehtenshamefulwhenshehadhertrouble,sonowIneverseehimanymore.DoctorHermanisagood,plain,germandoctorandhewouldneverdothingsso,andMissMathilda,Mrs.Drehteniscominginto-morrowtoseeyoubeforeshegoestothehospitalforheroperation.Shecouldnotgocomfortabletillshehadseenyoufirsttoseewhatyouwouldsay."
AllAnna'sfriendsreverencedthegoodAnna'scherishedMissMathilda.HowcouldtheynotdosoandstillremainfriendswiththegoodAnna?MissMathildararelyreallysawthembuttheywerealwayssendingflowersandwordsofadmirationthroughherAnna.EverynowandthenAnnawouldbringoneofthemtoMissMathildaforadvice.
Itiswonderfulhowpoorpeoplelovetotakeadvicefrompeoplewhoarefriendlyandabovethem,frompeoplewhoreadinbooksandwhoaregood.
MissMathildasawMrs.Drehtenandtoldhershewasgladthatshewasgoingtothehospitalforoperationforthatsurelywouldbebest,andsogoodMrs.Drehten'smindwassetatrest.
Mrs.Drehten'stumorcameoutverywell.Mrs.Drehtenwasafterwardsneverreallywell,butshecoulddoherworkalittlebetter,andbeonherfeetandyetnotgetsotired.
AndsoAnna'slifewenton,takingcareofMissMathildaandallherclothesandgoods,andbeinggoodtoeveryonethataskedorseemedtoneedherhelp.
Now,slowly,AnnabegantomakeitupwithMrs.Lehntman.Theycouldneverbeastheyhadbeenbefore.Mrs,LehntmancouldneverbeagaintheromanceinthegoodAnna'slife,buttheycouldbefriendsagain,andAnnacouldhelpalltheLehntmansintheirneed.Thisslowlycameabout.
Mrs.Lehntmanhadnowlefttheevilandmysteriousmanwhohadbeenthecauseofallhertrouble.Shehadgivenup,too,thenewbighousethatshehadtaken.Sincehertroubleherpracticehadbeenveryquiet.Stillshemanagedtodofairlywell.ShebegantotalkofpayingthegoodAnna.This,however,hadnotgottenveryfar.
AnnasawMrs.Lehntmanagooddealnow.Mrs.Lehntman'scrisp,black,curlyhairhadgottenstreakedwithgray.Herdark,full,goodlookingfacehadlostitsfirmoutline,goneflabbyandalittleworn.Shehadgrownstouterandherclothesdidnotlookverynice.Shewasasblandaseverinherways,andasdiffuseasalwaysinherattention,butthroughitalltherewasuneasinessandfearanduncertaintylestsomedangermightbenear.
SheneversaidawordofherpastlifetothegoodAnna,butitwasveryplainto
seethatherexperiencehadnotlefthereasy,noryetaltogetherfree.
Ithadbeenhardforthisgoodwoman,forMrs.Lehntmanwasreallyagoodwoman,ithadbeenaveryhardthingforthisgermanwomantodowhateverybodyknewandthoughtwaswrong.Mrs.Lehntmanwasstrongandshehadcourage,butithadbeenveryhardtobear.EventhegoodAnnadidnotspeaktoherwithfreedom.TherealwaysremainedamysteryandadepressioninMrs.Lehntman'saffair.
Andnowtheblonde,foolish,awkwarddaughter,Juliawasintrouble.Duringtheyearsthemothergavehernoattention,Juliakeptcompanywithayoungfellowwhowasaclerksomewhereinastoredowninthecity.Hewasadecent,dullyoungfellow,whodidnotmakemuchmoneyandcouldneversaveitforhehadanoldmotherhesupported.HeandJuliahadbeenkeepingcompanyforseveralyearsandnowitwasneedfulthattheyshouldbemarried.Butthenhowcouldtheymarry?Hedidnotmakeenoughtostartthemandtokeeponsupportinghisoldmothertoo.Juliawasnotusedtoworkingmuchandshesaid,andshewasstubborn,thatshewouldnotlivewithCharley'sdirty,cross,oldmother.Mrs.Lehntmanhadnomoney.Shewasjustbeginningtogetonherfeet.Itwasofcourse,thegoodAnna'ssavingsthatwerehandy.
HoweveritpaidAnnatobringaboutthismarriage,paidherinscoldingsandinmanagingthedull,long,awkwardJulia,andhergood,patient,stupidCharley.Annalovedtobuythingscheap,andfixupanewplace.
JuliaandCharleyweresoonmarriedandthingswentprettywellwiththem.Annadidnotapprovetheirslack,expensivewaysofdoing.
"NoMissMathilda,"shewouldsay,"Theyoungpeoplenowadayshavenosenseforsavingandputtingmoneybysotheywillhavesomethingtousewhentheyneedit.There'sJuliaandherCharley.Iwentintheretheotherday,MissMathilda,andtheyhadanewtablewithamarbletopandonittheyhadagrandnewplushalbum.'Whereyougetthatalbum?'IaskedJulia.'Oh,Charleyhegaveittomeformybirthday,'shesaid,andIaskedherifitwaspaidforandshesaidnotallyetbutitwouldbesoon.NowIaskyouwhatbusinesshavetheyMissMathilda,whentheyain'tpaidforanythingtheygotalready,whatbusinesshavetheytobebuyingnewthingsforherbirthdays.Juliashedon'tdonowork,shejustsitsaroundandthinkshowshecanspendthemoney,andCharleyheneverputsonecentby.IneverseeanythinglikethepeoplenowadaysMiss
Mathilda,theydon'tseemtohaveanysenseofbeingcarefulaboutmoney.JuliaandCharleywhentheyhaveanychildrentheywon'thavenothingtobringthemupwithright.IsaidthattoJulia,MissMathilda,whensheshowedmethosesillythingsthatCharleyboughther,andshejustsaidinhersilly,gigglingway,perhapstheywon'thaveanychildren.Itoldhersheoughttobeashamedoftalkingso,butIdon'tknow,MissMathilda,theyoungpeoplenowadayshavenosenseatallofwhat'stherightwayforthemtodo,andperhapsitsbetteriftheydon'thaveanychildren,andthenMissMathildayouknowthereisMrs.Lehntman.YouknowsheregularadoptedlittleJohnnyjustsoshecouldpayoutsomemoremoneyjustasifshedidn'thavetroubleenoughtakingcareofherownchildren.NoMissMathilda,Ineverseehowpeoplecandothingsso.Peopledon'tseemtohavenosenseofrightorwrongoranythingthesedaysMissMathilda,theyarejustcarelessandthinkingalwaysofthemselvesandhowtheycanalwayshaveahappytime.No,MissMathildaIdon'tseehowpeoplecangoonanddothingsso."
ThegoodAnnacouldnotunderstandthecarelessandbadwaysofalltheworldandalwaysshegrewbitterwithitall.No,notoneofthemhadanysenseofwhatwastherightwayforthemtodo.
Anna'spastlifewasnowdrawingtoanend.Heroldblinddog,Baby,wassickandliketodie.Babyhadbeenthefirstgiftfromherfriendthewidow,Mrs.LehntmanintheolddayswhenAnnahadbeenwithMissMaryWadsmith,andwhenthesetwowomenhadfirstcometogether.
Throughalltheyearsofchange,BabyhadstayedwiththegoodAnna,growingoldandfatandblindandlazy.Babyhadbeenactiveandaratterwhenshewasyoung,butthatwassolongagoitwasforgotten,andformanyyearsnowBabyhadwantedonlyherwarmbasketandherdinner.
Annainheractivelifefoundneedofothers,ofPeterandthefunnylittleRags,butalwaysBabywastheeldestandheldherwiththetiesofoldaffection.AnnawasharshwhentheyoungonestriedtokeeppoorBabyoutanduseherbasket.Babyhadbeenblindnowforsomeyearsasdogsget,whentheyarenolongeractive.Shegotweakandfatandbreathlessandshecouldnotevenstandlonganymore.Annahadalwaystoseethatshegotherdinnerandthattheyoungactiveonesdidnotdepriveher.
Babydidnotdiewitharealsickness.Shejustgotolderandmoreblindand
coughedandthenmorequiet,andthenslowlyonebrightsummer'sdayshedied.
Thereisnothingmoredrearythanoldageinanimals.Somehowitisallwrongthattheyshouldhavegreyhairandwitheredskin,andblindoldeyes,anddecayedanduselessteeth.Anoldmanoranoldwomanalmostalwayshassometiethatseemstobindthemtotheyounger,realerlife.Theyhavechildrenortheremembranceofoldduties,butadogthat'soldandsocutofffromallitsworldofstruggle,islikeadreary,deathlessStruldbrug,thedrearydraggeronofdeaththroughlife.
AndsoonedayoldBabydied.Itwasdreary,morethansad,forthegoodAnna.Shedidnotwantthepooroldbeasttolingerwithitswearyage,andblindoldeyesanddismalshakingcough,butthisdeathleftAnnaveryempty.ShehadthefoolishyoungmanPeter,andthejollylittleRagsforcomfort,butBabyhadbeentheonlyonethatcouldremember.
ThegoodAnnawantedarealgraveyardforherBaby,butthiscouldnotbeinaChristiancountry,andsoAnnaallalonetookheroldfrienddoneupindecentwrappingsandputherintothegroundinsomequietplacethatAnnaknewof.
ThegoodAnnadidnotweepforpooroldBaby.Nay,shehadnottimeeventofeellonely,forwiththegoodAnnaitwassorrowuponsorrow.ShewasnownolongertokeephouseforMissMathilda.
WhenAnnahadfirstcometoMissMathildashehadknownthatitmightonlybeforafewyears,forMissMathildawasgiventomuchwanderingandoftenchangedherhome,andfoundnewplaceswhereshewenttolive.ThegoodAnnadidnotthenthinkmuchaboutthis,forwhenshefirstwenttoMissMathildashehadnotthoughtthatshewouldlikeitandsoshehadnotworriedaboutstaying.Theninthosehappyyearsthattheyhadbeentogether,Annahadmadeherselfforgetit.Thislastyearwhensheknewthatitwascomingshehadtriedhardtothinkitwouldnothappen.
"Wewon'ttalkaboutitnowMissMathilda,perhapsweallbedeadbythen,"shewouldsaywhenMissMathildatriedtotalkitover.Or,"IfwelivetillthenMissMathilda,perhapsyouwillbestayingonrighthere."
No,thegoodAnnacouldnottalkasifthisthingwerereal,itwastoowearytobeoncemoreleftwithstrangers.
BoththegoodAnnaandhercherishedMissMathildatriedhardtothinkthatthiswouldnotreallyhappen.AnnamademissionsandallkindsofthingstokeepherMissMathildaandMissMathildathoughtoutallthewaystoseeifthegoodAnnacouldnotgowithher,butneitherthemissionsnortheplanshadmuchsuccess.MissMathildawouldgo,andshewasgoingfarawaytoanewcountrywhereAnnacouldnotlive,forshewouldbetoolonesome.
Therewasnothingthatthesetwocoulddobutpart.Perhapsweallbedeadbythen,thegoodAnnawouldrepeat,buteventhatdidnotreallyhappen.IfwealllivetillthenMissMathilda,cameouttruer.Theyalldidlivetillthen,allexceptpooroldblindBaby,andtheysimplyhadtopart.
PoorAnnaandpoorMissMathilda.Theycouldnotlookateachotherthatlastday.Annacouldnotkeepherselfbusyworking.Shejustwentinandoutandsometimesscolded.
Annacouldnotmakeuphermindwhatsheshoulddonowforherfuture.Shesaidthatshewouldforawhilekeepthislittleredbrickhousethattheyhadlivedin.Perhapsshemightjusttakeinafewboarders.Shedidnotknow,shewouldwriteaboutitlaterandtellitalltoMissMathilda.
ThedrearydaydraggedoutandthenallwasreadyandMissMathildalefttotakehertrain.Annastoodstrainedandpaleanddryeyedonthewhitestonestepsofthelittleredbrickhousethattheyhadlivedin.ThelastthingMissMathildaheardwasthegoodAnnabiddingfoolishPetersaygoodbyeandbesuretorememberMissMathilda.
PartIII
THEDEATHOFTHEGOODANNA
EveryonewhohadknownofMissMathildawantedthegoodAnnanowtotakeaplacewiththem,fortheyallknewhowwellAnnacouldtakecareofpeopleandalltheirclothesandgoods.AnnatoocouldalwaysgotoCurdentoMissMaryWadsmith,butnoneofallthesewaysseemedverygoodtoAnna.
ItwasnotnowanylongerthatshewantedtostaynearMrs.Lehntman.There
wasnoonenowthatmadeanythingimportant,butAnnawascertainthatshedidnotwanttotakeaplacewhereshewouldbeundersomenewpeople.NoonecouldeverbeforAnnaashadbeenhercherishedMissMathilda.Noonecouldeveragainsofreelyletherdoitall.ItwouldbebetterAnnathoughtinherstrongstrainedwearybody,itwouldbebetterjusttokeeponthereinthelittleredbrickhousethatwasallfurnished,andmakealivingtakinginsomeboarders.MissMathildahadletherhavethethings,soitwouldnotcostanymoneytobegin.Shecouldperhapsmanagetoliveonso.Shecoulddoalltheworkanddoeverythingasshethoughtbest,andshewastoowearywiththechangestodomorethanshejusthadto,tokeepliving.Soshestayedoninthehousewheretheyhadlived,andshefoundsomemen,shewouldnottakeinwomen,whotookherroomsandwhowereherboarders.
ThingssoonwithAnnabegantobelessdreary.Shewasverypopularwithherfewboarders.Theylovedherscoldingsandthegoodthingsshemadeforthemtoeat.TheymadegoodjokesandlaughedloudandalwaysdidwhateverAnnawanted,andsoonthegoodAnnagotsothatshelikeditverywell.NotthatshedidnotalwayslongforMissMathilda.Shehopedandwaitedandwasverycertainthatsometime,inoneyearorinanotherMissMathildawouldcomeback,andthenofcoursewouldwanther,andthenshecouldtakeallgoodcareofheragain.
AnnakeptallMissMathilda'sthingsinthebestorder.TheboarderswerewellscoldediftheyevermadeascratchonMissMathilda'stable.
SomeoftheboarderswereheartygoodsouthgermanfellowsandAnnaalwaysmadethemgotomass.OneboarderwasalustygermanstudentwhowasstudyinginBridgepointtobeadoctor.HewasAnna'sspecialfavouriteandshescoldedhimassheusedtoherolddoctorsothathealwayswouldbegood.Then,too,thischeeryfellowalwayssangwhenhewaswashing,andthatwaswhatMissMathildaalwaysusedtodo.Anna'sheartgrewwarmagainwiththisyoungfellowwhoseemedtobringbacktohereverythingsheneeded.
AndsoAnna'slifeinthesedayswasnotallunhappy.Sheworkedandscolded,shehadherstraydogsandcatsandpeople,whoallaskedandseemedtoneedhercare,andshehadheartygermanfellowswholovedherscoldingsandatesomuchofthegoodthingsthatsheknewsowellthewaytomake.
No,thegoodAnna'slifeinthesedayswasnotallunhappy.Shedidnotseeheroldfriendsmuch,shewastoobusy,butonceinagreatwhileshetookaSundayafternoonandwenttoseegoodMrs.Drehten.
TheonlytroublewasthatAnnahardlymadealiving.Shechargedsolittleforherboardandgaveherpeoplesuchgoodthingstoeat,thatshecouldonlyjustmakebothendsmeet.Thegoodgermanpriesttowhomshealwaystoldhertroublestriedtomakeherhavetheboarderspayalittlehigher,andMissMathildaalwaysinherlettersurgedhertothisthing,butthegoodAnnasomehowcouldnotdoit.Herboarderswerenicemenbutsheknewtheydidnothavemuchmoney,andthenshecouldnotraiseonthosewhohadbeenwithherandshecouldnotaskthenewonestopayhigher,whenthosewhowerealreadytherewerepayingjustwhattheyhadpaidbefore.SoAnnaletitgojustasshehadbegunit.Sheworkedandworkedalldayandthoughtallnighthowshecouldsave,andwithalltheworkshejustmanagedtokeepliving.Shecouldnotmakeenoughtolayanymoneyby.
Annagotsolittlemoneythatshehadalltheworktodoherself.ShecouldnotpayeventhelittleSallyenoughtokeepherwithher.
NothavinglittleSallynorhavinganyoneelseworkingwithher,madeitveryhardforAnnaevertogoout,forsheneverthoughtthatitwasrighttoleaveahouseallempty.OnceinagreatwhileofaSunday,SallywhowasnowworkinginafactorywouldcomeandstayinthehouseforthegoodAnna,whowouldthengooutandspendtheafternoonwithMrs.Drehten.
No,Annadidnotseeheroldfriendsmuchanymore.Shewentsometimestoseeherhalfbrotherandhiswifeandhernieces,andtheyalwayscametoheronherbirthdaystogivepresents,andherhalfbrotherneverleftheroutofhisfestiveraisinedbreadgivingprogresses.ButtheserelativesofhershadnevermeantverymuchtothegoodAnna.Annaalwaysdidherdutybythemall,andshelikedherhalfbrotherverywellandtheloavesofraisinedbreadthathesuppliedherweremostwelcomenow,andAnnaalwaysgavehergoddaughterandhersisterhandsomepresents,butnooneinthisfamilyhadevermadeawayinsidetoAnna'sfeelings.
Mrs.Lehntmanshesawveryrarely.Itishardtobuildupnewonanoldfriendshipwheninthatfriendshiptherehasbeenbitterdisillusion.Theydidtheirbest,boththesewomentobefriends,buttheywereneverabletoagaintouch
oneanothernearly.Thereweretoomanythingsbetweenthemthattheycouldnotspeakof,thingsthathadneverbeenexplainednoryetforgiven.ThegoodAnnastilldidherbestforfoolishJuliaandstilleverynowandthensawMrs.Lehntman,butthisfamilyhadnowlostallitsrealholdonAnna.
Mrs.DrehtenwasnowthebestfriendthatAnnaknew.Heretherewasneveranymorethantheminglingoftheirsorrows.TheytalkedoverallthetimethebestwayforMrs.Drehtennowtodo;poorMrs.Drehtenwhowithherchieftrouble,herbadhusband,hadreallynownowaythatshecoulddo.Shejusthadtoworkandtobepatientandtoloveherchildrenandbeveryquiet.ShealwayshadasoothingmotherinfluenceonthegoodAnnawhowithherirritable,strained,worn-outbodywouldcomeandsitbyMrs.Drehtenandtalkallhertroublesover.
OfallthefriendsthatthegoodAnnahadhadinthesetwentyyearsinBridgepoint,thegoodfatherandpatientMrs.DrehtenweretheonlyonesthatwerenowneartoAnnaandwithwhomshecouldtalkhertroublesover.
Annaworked,andthought,andsaved,andscolded,andtookcareofalltheboarders,andofPeterandofRags,andalltheothers.TherewasneveranyendtoAnna'seffortandshegrewalwaysmoretired,morepaleyellow,andinherfacemorethinandwornandworried.Sometimesshewentfartherinnotbeingwell,andthenshewenttoseeDr.HermanwhohadoperatedongoodMrs.Drehten.
ThethingsthatAnnareallyneededweretorestsometimesandeatmoresothatshecouldgetstronger,butthesewerethelastthingsthatAnnacouldbringherselftodo.Annacouldnevertakearest.Shemustworkhardthroughthesummeraswellasthroughthewinter,elseshecouldnevermakebothendsmeet.Thedoctorgavehermedicinestomakeherstrongerbutthesedidnotseemtodomuchgood.
Annagrewalwaysmoretired,herheadachescameoftenerandharder,andshewasnowalmostalwaysfeelingverysick.Shecouldnotsleepmuchinthenight.Thedogswiththeirnoisesdisturbedherandeverythinginherbodyseemedtopainher.
Thedoctorandthegoodfathertriedoftentomakehergiveherselfmorecare.Mrs.Drehtentoldherthatshesurelywouldnotgetwellunlessforalittlewhile
shewouldstopworking.Annawouldthenpromisetotakecare,torestinbedalittlelongerandtoeatmoresothatshewouldgetstronger,butreallyhowcouldAnnaeatwhenshealwaysdidthecookingandwassotiredofitall,beforeitwashalfreadyforthetable?
Anna'sonlyfriendshipnowwaswithgoodMrs.DrehtenwhowastoogentleandtoopatienttomakeastubbornfaithfulgermanAnnaeverdothewaysheshould,inthethingsthatwereforherowngood.
Annagrewworseallthroughthissecondwinter.Whenthesummercamethedoctorsaidthatshesimplycouldnotliveonso.Hesaidshemustgotohishospitalandtherehewouldoperateuponher.Shewouldthenbewellandstrongandabletoworkhardallnextwinter.
Annaforsometimewouldnotlisten.Shecouldnotdothisso,forshehadherhouseallfurnishedandshesimplycouldnotletitgo.AtlastawomancameandsaidshewouldtakecareofAnna'sboardersandthenAnnasaidthatshewaspreparedtogo.
Annawenttothehospitalforheroperation.Mrs.Drehtenwasherselfnotwellbutshecameintothecity,sothatsomefriendwouldbewiththegoodAnna.Together,then,theywenttothisplacewherethedoctorhaddonesowellbyMrs.Drehten.
InafewdaystheyhadAnnaready.Thentheydidtheoperation,andthenthegoodAnnawithherstrong,strained,worn-outbodydied.
Mrs.DrehtensentwordofherdeathtoMissMathilda.
"DearMissMathilda,"wroteMrs.Drehten,"MissAnniediedinthehospitalyesterdayafterahardoperation.ShewastalkingaboutyouandDoctorandMissMaryWadsmithallthetime.ShesaidshehopedyouwouldtakePeterandthelittleRagstokeepwhenyoucamebacktoAmericatolive.IwillkeepthemforyouhereMissMathilda.MissAnniediedeasy,MissMathilda,andsentyouherlove."
FINIS
MELANCTHA
EACHONEASSHEMAY
RoseJohnsonmadeitveryhardtobringherbabytoitsbirth.
MelancthaHerbertwhowasRoseJohnson'sfriend,dideverythingthatanywomancould.ShetendedRose,andshewaspatient,submissive,soothing,anduntiring,whilethesullen,childish,cowardly,blackRosiegrumbledandfussedandhowledandmadeherselftobeanabominationandlikeasimplebeast.
Thechildthoughitwashealthyafteritwasborn,didnotlivelong.RoseJohnsonwascarelessandnegligentandselfish,andwhenMelancthahadtoleaveforafewdays,thebabydied.RoseJohnsonhadlikedthebabywellenoughandperhapsshejustforgotitforawhile,anywaythechildwasdeadandRoseandSamherhusbandwereverysorrybutthenthesethingscamesoofteninthenegroworldinBridgepoint,thattheyneitherofthemthoughtaboutitverylong.
RoseJohnsonandMelancthaHerberthadbeenfriendsnowforsomeyears.RosehadlatelymarriedSamJohnsonadecenthonestkindlyfellow,adeckhandonacoastingsteamer.
MelancthaHerberthadnotyetbeenreallymarried.
RoseJohnsonwasarealblack,tall,wellbuilt,sullen,stupid,childlike,goodlookingnegress.Shelaughedwhenshewashappyandgrumbledandwassullenwitheverythingthattroubled.
RoseJohnsonwasarealblacknegressbutshehadbeenbroughtupquiteliketheirownchildbywhitefolks.
Roselaughedwhenshewashappybutshehadnotthewide,abandonedlaughterthatmakesthewarmbroadglowofnegrosunshine.Rosewasneverjoyouswiththeearth-born,boundlessjoyofnegroes.Herswasjustordinary,anysortofwomanlaughter.
RoseJohnsonwascarelessandwaslazy,butshehadbeenbroughtupbywhitefolksandsheneededdecentcomfort.Herwhitetraininghadonlymadefor
habits,notfornature.Rosehadthesimple,promiscuousimmoralityoftheblackpeople.
RoseJohnsonandMelancthaHerbertlikemanyofthetwoswithwomenwereacuriouspairtobesuchfriends.
MelancthaHerbertwasagraceful,paleyellow,intelligent,attractivenegress.ShehadnotbeenraisedlikeRosebywhitefolksbutthenshehadbeenhalfmadewithrealwhiteblood.
SheandRoseJohnsonwerebothofthebettersortofnegroes,there,inBridgepoint.
"No,Iain'tnocommonnigger,"saidRoseJohnson,"forIwasraisedbywhitefolks,andMelancthasheissobrightandlearnedsomuchinschool,sheain'tnocommonniggereither,thoughsheain'tgotnohusbandtobemarriedtolikeIamtoSamJohnson."
Whydidthesubtle,intelligent,attractive,halfwhitegirlMelancthaHerbertloveanddoforanddemeanherselfinservicetothiscoarse,decent,sullen,ordinary,blackchildishRose,andwhywasthisunmoral,promiscuous,shiftlessRosemarried,andthat'snotsocommoneither,toagoodmanofthenegroes,whileMelancthawithherwhitebloodandattractionandherdesireforarightpositionhadnotyetbeenreallymarried.
Sometimesthethoughtofhowallherworldwasmade,filledthecomplex,desiringMelancthawithdespair.Shewondered,often,howshecouldgoonlivingwhenshewassoblue.
MelancthatoldRoseonedayhowawomanwhomsheknewhadkilledherselfbecauseshewassoblue.Melancthasaid,sometimes,shethoughtthiswasthebestthingforherherselftodo.
RoseJohnsondidnotseeittheleastbitthatway.
"Idon'tseeMelancthawhyyoushouldtalklikeyouwouldkillyourselfjustbecauseyou'reblue.I'dneverkillmyselfMelancthajust'causeIwasblue.I'dmaybekillsomebodyelseMelanctha'causeIwasblue,butI'dneverkillmyself.IfIeverkilledmyselfMelancthait'dbebyaccident,andifIeverkilledmyselfbyaccidentMelanctha,I'dbeawfulsorry."
RoseJohnsonandMelancthaHerberthadfirstmet,onenight,atchurch.RoseJohnsondidnotcaremuchforreligion.Shehadnotenoughemotiontobereallyrousedbyarevival.MelancthaHerberthadnotcomeyettoknowhowtousereligion.Shewasstilltoocomplexwithdesire.However,thetwooftheminnegrofashionwentveryoftentothenegrochurch,alongwithalltheirfriends,andtheyslowlycametoknoweachotherverywell.
RoseJohnsonhadbeenraisednotasaservantbutquiteliketheirownchildbywhitefolks.HermotherwhohaddiedwhenRosewasstillababy,hadbeenatrustedservantinthefamily.Rosewasacute,attractive,goodlookinglittleblackgirlandthesepeoplehadnochildrenoftheirownandsotheykeptRoseintheirhouse.
AsRosegrewoldershedriftedfromherwhitefolksbacktothecoloredpeople,andshegraduallynolongerlivedintheoldhouse.Thenithappenedthatthesepeoplewentawaytosomeothertowntolive,andsomehowRosestayedbehindinBridgepoint.HerwhitefolksleftalittlemoneytotakecareofRose,andthismoneyshegoteverylittlewhile.
Rosenowintheeasyfashionofthepoorlivedwithonewomaninherhouse,andthenfornoreasonwentandlivedwithsomeotherwomaninherhouse.Allthistime,too,Rosekeptcompany,andwasengaged,firsttothiscoloredmanandthentothat,andalwaysshemadesureshewasengaged,forRosehadstrongthesenseofproperconduct.
"No,Iain'tnocommonniggerjusttogoaroundwithanyman,noryouMelancthashouldn'tneither,"shesaidonedaywhenshewastellingthecomplexandlesssureMelancthawhatwastherightwayforhertodo."NoMelanctha,Iain'tnocommonniggertodoso,forIwasraisedbywhitefolks.YouknowverywellMelancthathatI'sealwaysbeenengagedtothem."
AndsoRoselivedon,alwayscomfortableandratherdecentandverylazyandverywellcontent.
Aftershehadlivedsometimethisway,Rosethoughtitwouldbeniceandverygoodinherpositiontogetregularlyreallymarried.ShehadlatelymetSamJohnsonsomewhere,andshelikedhimandsheknewhewasagoodman,andthenhehadaplacewhereheworkedeverydayandgotgoodwages.SamJohnsonlikedRoseverywellandhewasquitereadytobemarried.Oneday
theyhadagrandrealweddingandweremarried.ThenwithMelancthaHerbert'shelptodothesewingandthenicerwork,theyfurnishedcomfortablyalittleredbrickhouse.Samthenwentbacktohisworkasdeckhandonacoastingsteamer,andRosestayedhomeinherhouseandsatandbraggedtoallherfriendshowniceitwastobemarriedreallytoahusband.
Lifewentonverysmoothlywiththemalltheyear.RosewaslazybutnotdirtyandSamwascarefulbutnotfussy,andthentherewasMelancthatocomeineverydayandhelptokeepthingsneat.
WhenRose'sbabywascomingtobeborn,RosecametostayinthehousewhereMelancthaHerbertlivedjustthen,withabiggoodnaturedcoloredwomanwhodidwashing.
Rosewenttheretostay,sothatshemighthavethedoctorfromthehospitalnearbytohelpherhavethebaby,andthen,too,Melancthacouldattendtoherwhileshewassick.
Herethebabywasborn,andhereitdied,andthenRosewentbacktoherhouseagainwithSam.
MelancthaHerberthadnotmadeherlifeallsimplelikeRoseJohnson.Melancthahadnotfounditeasywithherselftomakeherwantsandwhatshehad,agree.
MelancthaHerbertwasalwayslosingwhatshehadinwantingallthethingsshesaw.Melancthawasalwaysbeingleftwhenshewasnotleavingothers.
MelancthaHerbertalwayslovedtoohardandmuchtoooften.Shewasalwaysfullwithmysteryandsubtlemovementsanddenialsandvaguedistrustsandcomplicateddisillusions.ThenMelancthawouldbesuddenandimpulsiveandunboundedinsomefaith,andthenshewouldsufferandbestronginherrepression.
MelancthaHerbertwasalwaysseekingrestandquiet,andalwaysshecouldonlyfindnewwaystobeintrouble.
Melancthawonderedoftenhowitwasshedidnotkillherselfwhenshewassoblue.Oftenshethoughtthiswouldbereallythebestwayfor
hertodo.
MelancthaHerberthadbeenraisedtobereligious,byhermother.Melancthahadnotlikedhermotherverywell.Thismother,'Mis'Herbert,asherneighborscalledher,hadbeenasweetappearinganddignifiedandpleasant,paleyellow,coloredwoman.'Mis'Herberthadalwaysbeenalittlewanderingandmysteriousanduncertaininherways.
Melancthawaspaleyellowandmysteriousandalittlepleasantlikehermother,buttherealpowerinMelanctha'snaturecamethroughherrobustandunpleasantandveryunendurableblackfather.
Melanctha'sfatheronlyusedtocometowhereMelancthaandhermotherlived,onceinawhile.
ItwasmanyyearsnowthatMelancthahadnotheardorseenorknownofanythingherfatherdid.
MelancthaHerbertalmostalwayshatedherblackfather,butshelovedverywellthepowerinherselfthatcamethroughhim.Andsoherfeelingwasreallyclosertoherblackcoarsefather,thanherfeelinghadeverbeentowardherpaleyellow,sweet-appearingmother.Thethingsshehadinherofhermothernevermadeherfeelrespect.
MelancthaHerberthadnotlovedherselfinchildhood.Allofheryouthwasbittertoremember.
Melancthahadnotlovedherfatherandhermotherandtheyhadfounditverytroublesometohaveher.
Melanctha'smotherandherfatherhadbeenregularlymarried.Melanctha'sfatherwasabigblackvirilenegro.HeonlycameonceinawhiletowhereMelancthaandhermotherlived,butalwaysthatpleasant,sweet-appearing,paleyellowwoman,mysteriousanduncertainandwanderinginherways,wascloseinsympathyandthinkingtoherbigblackvirilehusband.
JamesHerbertwasacommon,decentenough,coloredworkman,brutalandroughtohisonedaughter,butthenshewasamostdisturbingchildtomanage.
TheyoungMelancthadidnotloveherfatherandhermother,andshehadabreakneckcourage,andatonguethatcouldbeverynasty.Then,too,Melancthawenttoschoolandwasveryquickinallthelearning,andsheknewverywellhowtousethisknowledgetoannoyherparentswhoknewnothing.
MelancthaHerberthadalwayshadabreakneckcourage.Melancthaalwayslovedtobewithhorses;shelovedtodowildthings,toridethehorsesandtobreakandtamethem.
Melanctha,whenshewasalittlegirl,hadhadagoodchancetolivewithhorses.NearwhereMelancthaandhermotherlivedwasthestableoftheBishops,arichfamilywhoalwayshadfinehorses.
John,theBishops'coachman,likedMelancthaverywellandhealwaysletherdoanythingshewantedwiththehorses.Johnwasadecent,vigorousmulattowithaprosperoushouseandwifeandchildren.MelancthaHerbertwasolderthananyofhischildren.Shewasnowawellgrowngirloftwelveandjustbeginningasawoman.
JamesHerbert,Melanctha'sfather,knewthisJohn,theBishops'coachmanverywell.
OnedayJamesHerbertcametowherehiswifeanddaughterlived,andhewasfurious.
"Where'sthatMelancthagirlofyours,"hesaidfiercely,"ifsheistotheBishops'stablesagain,withthatmanJohn,IswearIkillher.Whydon'tyouseetothatgirlbetteryou,you'rehermother."
JamesHerbertwasapowerful,loosebuilt,hardhanded,black,angrynegro.Herbertneverwasajoyousnegro.Evenwhenhedrankwithothermen,andhedidthatvery,often,hewasneverreallyjoyous.Inthedayswhenhehadbeenmostyoungandfreeandopen,hehadneverhadthewideabandonedlaughterthatgivesthebroadglowtonegrosunshine.
Hisdaughter,MelancthaHerbert,lateralwaysmadeahardforcedlaughter.Shewasonlystrongandsweetandinhernaturewhenshewasreallydeepintrouble,whenshewasfightingsowithallshereallyhad,thatshedidnotuseherlaughter.ThiswasalwaystrueofpoorMelancthawhowasalwayssocertainthatshehatedtrouble.MelancthaHerbertwasalwaysseekingpeaceandquiet,and
shecouldalwaysonlyfindnewwaystogetexcited.
JamesHerbertwasoftenaveryangrynegro.Hewasfierceandserious,andhewasverycertainthatheoftenhadgoodreasontobeangrywithMelanctha,whoknewsowellhowtobenasty,andtouseherlearningwithafatherwhoknewnothing.
JamesHerbertoftendrankwithJohn,theBishops'coachman.JohninhisgoodnaturesometimestriedtosoftenHerbert'sfeelingtowardMelanctha.NotthatMelancthaevercomplainedtoJohnofherhomelifeorherfather.ItwasneverMelanctha'sway,eveninthemidstofherworsttroubletocomplaintoanyoneofwhathappenedtoher,butneverthelesssomehoweveryonewhoknewMelancthaalwaysknewhowmuchshesuffered.ItwasonlywhileonereallylovedMelancthathatoneunderstoodhowtoforgiveher,thatsheneveroncecomplainednorlookedunhappy,andwasalwayshandsomeandinspirits,andyetonealwaysknewhowmuchshesuffered.
Thefather,JamesHerbert,nevertoldhistroubleseither,andhewassofierceandseriousthatnooneeverthoughtofasking.
'Mis'Herbertasherneighborscalledherwasneverheardeventospeakofherhusbandorherdaughter.Shewasalwayspleasant,sweet-appearing,mysteriousanduncertain,andalittlewanderinginherways.
TheHerbertswereasilentfamilywiththeirtroubles,butsomehoweveryonewhoknewthemalwayskneweverythingthathappened.
ThemorningofonedaywhenintheeveningHerbertandthecoachmanJohnweretomeettodrinktogether,Melancthahadtocometothestablejoyousandintheverybestofhumors.HergoodfriendJohnonthismorningfeltveryfirmlyhowgoodandsweetshewasandhowverymuchshesuffered.
Johnwasaverydecentcoloredcoachman.WhenhethoughtaboutMelancthaitwasasifsheweretheeldestofhischildren.Reallyhefeltverystronglythepowerinherofawoman.John'swifealwayslikedMelancthaandshealwaysdidallshecouldtomakethingspleasant.AndMelancthaallherlifelovedandrespectedkindandgoodandconsideratepeople.MelancthaalwayslovedandwantedpeaceandgentlenessandgoodnessandallherlifeforherselfpoorMelancthacouldonlyfindnewwaystobeintrouble.
ThiseveningafterJohnandHerberthaddrunkawhiletogether,thegoodJohnbegantotellthefatherwhatafinegirlhehadforadaughter.PerhapsthegoodJohnhadbeendrinkingagooddealofliquor,perhapstherewasagleamofsomethingsofterthanthefeelingofafriendlyelderinthewayJohnthenspokeofMelanctha.TherehadbeenagooddealofdrinkingandJohncertainlythatverymorninghadfeltstronglyMelanctha'spowerasawoman.JamesHerbertwasalwaysafierce,suspicious,seriousnegro,anddrinkingnevermadehimfeelmoreopen.HelookedveryblackandevilashesatandlistenedwhileJohngrewmoreandmoreadmiringashetalkedhalftohimself,halftothefather,ofthevirtuesandthesweetnessofMelanctha.
Suddenlybetweenthemtherecameamomentfilledfullwithstrongblackcurses,andthensharprazorsflashedintheblackhands,thatheldthemflungbackwardinthenegrofashion,andthenforsomeminutestherewasfierceslashing.
Johnwasadecent,pleasant,goodnatured,lightbrownnegro,butheknewhowtousearazortodobloodyslashing.
Whenthetwomenwerepulledapartbytheothernegroeswhowereintheroomdrinking,JohnhadnotbeenmuchwoundedbutJamesHerberthadgottenonegoodstrongcutthatwentfrom-hisrightshoulderdownacrossthefrontofhiswholebody.Razorfightingdoesnotwoundverydeeply,butitmakesacutthatlooksmostnasty,foritissoverybloody.
Herbertwasheldbytheothernegroesuntilhewascleanedandplastered,andthenhewasputtobedtosleepoffhisdrinkandfighting.
Thenextdayhecametowherehiswifeanddaughterlivedandhewasfurious.
"Where'sthatMelanctha,ofyours?"hesaidtohiswife,whenhesawher."IfsheistotheBishops'stablesnowwiththatyellowJohn,IswearIkillher.Anicewaysheisgoingforadecentdaughter.Whydon'tyouseetothatgirlbetteryou,ain'tyouhermother!"
MelancthaHerberthadalwaysbeenoldinallherwaysandsheknewveryearlyhowtouseherpowerasawoman,andyetMelancthawithallherinbornintensewisdomwasreallyveryignorantofevil.Melancthahadnotyetcometo
understandwhattheymeant,thethingsshesooftenheardaroundher,andwhichwerejustbeginningtostirstronglyinher.
Nowwhenherfatherbeganfiercelytoassailher,shedidnotreallyknowwhatitwasthathewassofurioustoforcefromher.Ineverywaythathecouldthinkofinhisanger,hetriedtomakehersayathingshedidnotreallyknow.Sheheldoutandneveransweredanythingheaskedher,forMelancthahadabreakneckcourageandshejustthenbadlyhatedherblackfather.
Whentheexcitementwasallover,Melancthabegantoknowherpower,thepowershehadsooftenfeltstirringwithinherandwhichshenowknewshecouldusetomakeherstronger.
JamesHerbertdidnotwinthisfightwithhisdaughter.AfterawhileheforgotitashesoonforgotJohnandthecutofhissharprazor.Melancthaalmostforgottohateherfather,inherstronginterestinthepowershenowknewshehadwithinher.
Melancthadidnotcaremuchnow,anylonger,toseeJohnorhiswifeoreventhefinehorses.Thislifewastooquietandaccustomedandnolongerstirredhertoanyinterestorexcitement.
Melancthanowreallywasbeginningasawoman.Shewasready,andshebegantosearchinthestreetsandindarkcornerstodiscovermenandtolearntheirnaturesandtheirvariouswaysofworking.
InthesenextyearsMelancthalearnedmanywaysthatleadtowisdom.Shelearnedtheways,anddimlyinthedistanceshesawwisdom.TheseyearsoflearningledverystraighttotroubleforMelanctha,thoughintheseyearsMelancthaneverdidormeantanythingthatwasreallywrong.
Girlswhoarebroughtupwithcareandwatchingcanalwaysfindmomentstoescapeintotheworld,wheretheymaylearnthewaysthatleadtowisdom.ForagirlraisedlikeMelancthaHerbert,suchescapewasalwaysverysimple.Oftenshewasalone,sometimesshewaswithafellowseeker,andshestrayedandstood,sometimesbyrailroadyards,sometimesonthedocksoraroundnewbuildingswheremanymenwereworking.Thenwhenthedarknesscoveredeverythingallover,shewouldbegintolearntoknowthismanorthat.Shewouldadvance,theywouldrespond,andthenshewouldwithdrawalittle,dimly,andalwaysshedidnotknowwhatitwasthatreallyheldher.Sometimesshe
wouldalmostgoover,andthenthestrengthinherofnotreallyknowing,wouldstoptheaveragemaninhisendeavor.Itwasastrangeexperienceofignoranceandpoweranddesire.Melancthadidnotknowwhatitwasthatshesobadlywanted.Shewasafraid,andyetshedidnotunderstandthathereshereallywasacoward.
BoyshadnevermeantmuchtoMelanctha.Theyhadalwaysbeentooyoungtocontenther.Melancthahadastrongrespectforanykindofsuccessfulpower.ItwasthisthatalwayskeptMelancthanearer,inherfeelingtowardhervirileandunendurableblackfather,thansheeverwasinherfeelingforherpaleyellow,sweet-appearingmother.Thethingsshehadinherofhermother,nevermadeherfeelrespect.
Intheseyoungdays,itwasonlymenthatforMelancthaheldanythingtherewasofknowledgeandpower.ItwasnotfrommenhoweverthatMelancthalearnedtoreallyunderstandthispower.
FromthetimethatMelancthawastwelveuntilshewassixteenshewandered,alwaysseekingbutnevermorethanverydimlyseeingwisdom.AllthistimeMelancthawentonwithherschoollearning;shewenttoschoolratherlongerthandomostofthecoloredchildren.
Melanctha'swanderingsafterwisdomshealwayshadtodoinsecretandbysnatches,forhermotherwasthenstilllivingand'Mis'Herbertalwaysdidsomewatching,andMelancthawithallherhardcouragedreadedthatthereshouldbemuchtellingtoherfather,whocamenowquiteoftentowhereMelancthalivedwithhermother.
InthesedaysMelancthatalkedandstoodandwalkedwithmanykindsofmen,butshedidnotlearntoknowanyofthemverydeeply.Theyallsupposedhertohaveworldknowledgeandexperience.They,believingthatsheknewall,toldhernothing,andthinkingthatshewasdecidingwiththem,askedfornothing,andsothoughMelancthawanderedwidely,shewasreallyverysafewithallthewandering.
ItwasaverywonderfulexperiencethissafetyofMelancthainthesedaysofherattemptedlearning.Melancthaherselfdidnotfeelthewonder,sheonlyknewthatforheritallhadnorealvalue.
Melancthaallherlifewasverykeeninhersenseforrealexperience.Sheknew
shewasnotgettingwhatshesobadlywanted,butwithallherbreakneckcourageMelancthaherewasacoward,andsoshecouldnotlearntoreallyunderstand.
Melancthalikedtowander,andtostandbytherailroadyard,andwatchthemenandtheenginesandtheswitchesandeverythingthatwasbusythere,working.Railroadyardsareaceaselessfascination.Theysatisfyeverykindofnature.Forthelazymanwhosebloodflowsveryslowly,itisasteadysoothingworldofmotionwhichsupplieshimwiththesenseofastrongmovingpower.Heneednotworkandyethehasitverydeeply;hehasitevenbetterthanthemanwhoworksinitorownsit.Thenfornaturesthatliketofeelemotionwithoutthetroubleofhavinganysuffering,itisverynicetogettheswellinginthethroat,andthefullness,andtheheartbeats,andalltheflutterofexcitementthatcomesasonewatchesthepeoplecomeandgo,andhearstheenginepoundandgivealongdrawnwhistle.Forachildwatchingthroughaholeinthefenceabovetheyard,itisawonderworldofmysteryandmovement.Thechildlovesallthenoise,andthenitlovesthesilenceofthewindthatcomesbeforethefullrushofthepoundingtrain,thatburstsoutfromthetunnelwhereitlostitselfandallitsnoiseindarkness,andthechildlovesallthesmoke,thatsometimescomesinrings,andalwayspuffswithfireandbluecolor.
ForMelancthatheyardwasfulloftheexcitementofmanymen,andperhapsafreeandwhirlingfuture.
Melancthacamehereveryoftenandwatchedthemenandallthethingsthatweresobusyworking.Themenalwayshadtimefor,"Hullosis,doyouwanttositonmyengine,"and,"Hullo,that'saprettylookin'yallergirl,doyouwanttocomeandseehimcookin."
AllthecoloredporterslikedMelanctha.Theyoftentoldherexcitingthingsthathadhappened;howintheWesttheywentthroughbigtunnelswheretherewasnoairtobreathe,andthenoutandwindingaroundedgesofgreatcanyonsonthinhighspindlingtrestles,andsometimescars,andsometimeswholetrainsfellfromthenarrowbridges,andalwaysupfromthedarkplacesdeathandallkindsofqueerdevilslookedupandlaughedintheirfaces.Andthentheywouldtellhowsometimeswhenthetrainwentpoundingdownsteepslipperymountains,greatrockswouldracketandrolldownaroundthem,andsometimeswouldsmashinthecarandkillmen;andastheporterstoldthesestoriestheirround,black,shiningfaceswouldgrowsolemn,andtheircolorwouldgogreybeneath
thegreasyblack,andtheireyeswouldrollwhiteinthefearandwonderofthethingstheycouldscarethemselvesbytelling.
Therewasone,big,serious,melancholy,lightbrownporterwhooftentoldMelancthastories,forhelikedthewayshehadoflisteningwithintelligenceandsympatheticfeeling,whenhetoldhowthewhitemeninthefarSouthtriedtokillhimbecausehemadeoneofthemwhowasdrunkandcalledhimadamnednigger,andwhorefusedtopaymoneyforhischairtoanigger,getoffthetrainbetweenstations.AndthenthisporterhadtogiveupgoingtothatpartoftheSoutherncountry,forallthewhitemensworethatifheevercamethereagaintheywouldsurelykillhim.
Melancthalikedthisserious,melancholylightbrownnegroverywell,andallherlifeMelancthawantedandrespectedgentlenessandgoodness,andthismanalwaysgavehergoodadviceandseriouskindness,andMelancthafeltsuchthingsverydeeply,butshecouldneverletthemhelpheroraffecthertochangethewaysthatalwaysmadeherkeepherselfintrouble.
Melancthaspentmanyofthelasthoursofthedaylightwiththeportersandwithothermenwhoworkedhard,butwhendarknesscameitwasalwaysdifferent.ThenMelancthawouldfindherselfwiththe,forher,gentlemanlyclasses.Aclerk,orayoungexpressagentwouldbegintoknowher,andtheywouldstand,orperhaps,walkalittlewhiletogether.
Melancthaalwaysmadeherselfescapebutoftenitwaswithaneffort.Shedidnotknowwhatitwasthatshesobadlywanted,butwithallhercourageMelancthaherewasacoward,andsoshecouldnotlearntounderstand.
Melancthaandsomemanwouldstandintheeveningandwouldtalktogether.SometimesMelancthawouldbewithanothergirlandthenitwasmucheasiertostayortoescape,forthentheycouldmakewayforthemselvestogether,andbythrowingwordsandlaughtertoeachother,couldkeepamanfromgettingtoostronginhisattention.
ButwhenMelancthawasalone,andshewasso,veryoften,shewouldsometimescomeveryneartomakingalongstepontheroadthatleadstowisdom.Somemanwouldlearnagooddealaboutherinthetalk,neveraltogethertruly,forMelancthaallherlifedidnotknowhowtotellastorywholly.Shealways,andyetnotwithintention,managedtoleaveoutbigpieces
whichmakeastoryverydifferent,forwhenitcametowhathadhappenedandwhatshehadsaidandwhatitwasthatshehadreallydone,Melancthanevercouldrememberright.Themanwouldsometimescomealittlenearer,woulddetainher,wouldholdherarmormakehisjokesalittleclearer,andthenMelancthawouldalwaysmakeherselfescape.Themanthinkingthatshereallyhadworldwisdomwouldnotmakehismeaningclear,andbelievingthatshewasdecidingwithhimheneverwentsofastthathecouldstopherwhenatlastshemadeherselfescape.
AndsoMelancthawanderedontheedgeofwisdom."Say,Sis,whydon'tyouwhenyoucomeherestayalittlelonger?"theywouldallaskher,andtheywouldholdherforananswer,andshewouldlaugh,andsometimesshedidstaylonger,butalwaysjustintimeshemadeherselfescape.
MelancthaHerbertwantedverymuchtoknowandyetshefearedtheknowledge.Asshegrewoldersheoftenstayedagooddeallonger,andsometimesitwasalmostabalancedstruggle,butshealwaysmadeherselfescape.
NexttotherailroadyarditwastheshippingdocksthatMelancthalovedbestwhenshewandered.Oftenshewasalone,sometimesshewaswithsomebetterkindofblackgirl,andshewouldstandalongtimeandwatchthemenworkingatunloading,andseethesteamersdotheircoaling,andshewouldlistenwithfullfeelingtotheyowlingofthefreeswingingnegroes,astheyran,withtheirpowerfulloosejointedbodiesandtheirchildishsavageyelling,pushing,carrying,pullinggreatloadsfromtheshipstothewarehouses.
Themenwouldcallout,"Say,Sis,lookoutorwe'llcomeandcatchyer,"or"Hi,there,youyallergirl,comehereandwe'lltakeyousailin'."Andthen,too,Melancthawouldlearntoknowsomeoftheseriousforeignsailorswhotoldherallsortsofwonders,andacookwouldsometimestakeherandherfriendsoverashipandshowwherehemadehismessesandwherethemenslept,andwheretheshopswere,andhoweverythingwasmadebythemselves,rightthere,onshipboard.
Melancthalovedtoseethesedarkandsmellyplaces.Shealwayslovedtowatchandtalkandlistenwithmenwhoworkedhard.ButitwasneverfromtheserougherpeoplethatMelancthatriedtolearnthewaysthatleadtowisdom.Inthedaylightshealwayslikedtotalkwithroughmenandtolistentotheirlivesand
abouttheirworkandtheirvariouswaysofdoing,butwhenthedarknesscoveredeverythingallover,Melancthawouldmeet,andstand,andtalkwithaclerkorayoungshippingagentwhohadseenherwatching,andsoitwasthatshewouldtrytolearntounderstand.
AndthenMelancthawasfondofwatchingmenworkonnewbuildings.Shelovedtoseethemhoisting,digging,sawingandstonecutting.Here,too,inthedaylight,shealwayslearnedtoknowthecommonworkmen."Heh,Sis,lookoutorthatrockwillfallonyouandsmashyouallupintolittlepieces.Doyouthinkyouwouldmakeanicejelly?"Andthentheywouldalllaughandfeelthattheirjokeswereveryfunny.And"Say,youprettyyallergirl,woulditscareyoubadtostanduphereontopwhereIbe?Seeifyou'vegotgritandcomeupherewhereIcanholdyou.Allyougottodoistositstillonthatthererockthatthey'rejusthoistin',andthenwhenyougethereI'llholdyoutight,don'tyoubescaredSis."
SometimesMelancthawoulddosomeofthesethingsthathadmuchdanger,andalwayswithsuchmen,sheshowedherpowerandherbreakneckcourage.Oncesheslippedandfellfromahighplace.Aworkmancaughtherandsoshewasnotkilled,butherleftarmwasbadlybroken.
Allthemencrowdedaroundher.Theyadmiredherboldnessindoingandinbearingpainwhenherarmwasbroken.Theyallwentalongwithherwithgreatrespecttothedoctor,andthentheytookherhomeintriumphandallofthemwerebraggingabouthernotsquealing.
JamesHerbertwashomewherehiswifelived,thatday.HewasfuriouswhenhesawtheworkmenandMelanctha.Hedrovethemenawaywithcursessothattheywereallverynearlyfighting,andhewouldnotletadoctorcomeintoattendMelanctha."Whydon'tyouseetothatgirlbetter,you,you'rehermother."
JamesHerbertdidnotfightthingsoutnowanymorewithhisdaughter.Hefearedhertongue,andherschoollearning,andthewayshehadofsayingthingsthatwereverynastytoabrutalblackmanwhoknewnothing.AndMelancthajustthenhatedhimverybadlyinhersuffering.
AndsothiswasthewayMelancthalivedthefouryearsofherbeginningasawoman.AndmanythingshappenedtoMelanctha,butsheknewverywellthatnoneofthemhadledherontotherightway,thatcertainwaythatwastoleadhertoworldwisdom.
MelancthaHerbertwassixteenwhenshefirstmetJaneHarden.Janewasanegress,butshewassowhitethathardlyanyonecouldguessit.Janehadhadagooddealofeducation.Shehadbeentwoyearsatacoloredcollege.Shehadhadtoleavebecauseofherbadconduct.ShetaughtMelancthamanythings.Shetaughtherhowtogothewaysthatleadtowisdom.
JaneHardenwasatthistimetwenty-threeyearsoldandshehadhadmuchexperience.ShewasverymuchattractedbyMelanctha,andMelancthawasveryproudthatthisJanewouldletherknowher.
JaneHardenwasnotafraidtounderstand.Melancthawhohadstrongthesenseforrealexperience,knewthatherewasawomanwhohadlearnedtounderstand.
JaneHardenhadmanybadhabits.Shedrankagreatdeal,andshewanderedwidely.Shewassafethoughnow,whenshewantedtobesafe,inthiswandering.
MelancthaHerbertsoonalwayswanderedwithher.Melancthatriedthedrinkingandsomeoftheotherhabits,butshedidnotfindthatshecaredverymuchtodothem.Buteverydayshegrewstrongerinherdesiretoreallyunderstand.
Itwasnownolonger,eveninthedaylight,theroughermenthatthesetwolearnedtoknowintheirwanderings,andforMelancthathebetterclasseswerenowalittlehigher.Itwasnolongerexpressagentsandclerksthatshelearnedtoknow,butmeninbusiness,commercialtravelers,andevenmenabovethese,andJaneandshewouldtalkandwalkandlaughandescapefromthemallveryoften.Itwasstillthesame,theknowingofthemandthealwaysjustescaping,onlynowforMelancthasomehowitwasdifferent,forthoughitwasalwaysthesamethingthathappenedithadadifferentflavor,fornowMelancthawaswithawomanwhohadwisdom,anddimlyshebegantoseewhatitwasthatsheshouldunderstand.
ItwasnotfromthementhatMelancthalearnedherwisdom.ItwasalwaysJaneHardenherselfwhowasmakingMelancthabegintounderstand.
Janewasaroughenedwoman.Shehadpowerandshelikedtouseit,shehadmuchwhitebloodandthatmadeherseeclear,shelikeddrinkingandthatmadeherreckless.Herwhitebloodwasstronginherandshehadgritandenduranceandavitalcourage.Shewasalwaysgame,howevermuchshewasintrouble.ShelikedMelancthaHerbertforthethingsthatshehadlikeher,andthen
Melancthawasyoung,andshehadsweetness,andawayoflisteningwithintelligenceandsympatheticinterest,tothestoriesthatJaneHardenoftentoldoutofherexperience.
JanegrewalwaysfonderofMelanctha.Soontheybegantowander,moretobetogetherthantoseemenandlearntheirvariouswaysofworking.Thentheybegannottowander,andMelancthawouldspendlonghourswithJaneinherroom,sittingatherfeetandlisteningtoherstories,andfeelingherstrengthandthepowerofheraffection,andslowlyshebegantoseeclearbeforeheronecertainwaythatwouldbesuretoleadtowisdom.
Beforetheendcame,theendofthetwoyearsinwhichMelancthaspentallhertimewhenshewasnotatschoolorinherhome,withJaneHarden,beforethesetwoyearswerefinished,Melancthahadcometoseeveryclear,andshehadcometobeverycertain,whatitisthatgivestheworlditswisdom.
JaneHardenalwayshadalittlemoneyandshehadaroominthelowerpartofthetown.Janehadoncetaughtinacoloredschool.Shehadhadtoleavethattooonaccountofherbadconduct.Itwasherdrinkingthatalwaysmadeallthetroubleforher,forthatcanneverbereallycoveredover.
Jane'sdrinkingwasalwaysgrowingworseuponher.Melancthahadtriedtodothedrinkingbutithadnorealattractionforher.
Inthefirstyear,betweenJaneHardenandMelancthaHerbert,Janehadbeenmuchthestronger.JanelovedMelancthaandshefoundheralwaysintelligentandbraveandsweetanddocile,andJanemeantto,andbeforetheyearwasovershehadtaughtMelancthawhatitisthatgivesmanypeopleintheworldtheirwisdom.
Janehadmanywaysinwhichtodothisteaching.ShetoldMelancthamanythings.ShelovedMelancthahardandmadeMelancthafeelitverydeeply.ShewouldbewithotherpeopleandwithmenandwithMelanctha,andshewouldmakeMelancthaunderstandwhateverybodywanted,andwhatonedidwithpowerwhenonehadit.
MelancthasatatJane'sfeetformanyhoursinthesedaysandfeltJane'swisdom.ShelearnedtoloveJaneandtohavethisfeelingverydeeply.Shelearnedalittleinthesedaystoknowjoy,andshewastaughttoohowverykeenlyshecouldsuffer.ItwasverydifferentthissufferingfromthatMelancthasometimeshad
fromhermotherandfromherveryunendurableblackfather.Thenshewasfightingandshecouldbestrongandvaliantinhersuffering,butherewithJaneHardenshewaslongingandshebentandpleadedwithhersuffering.
Itwasaverytumultuous,verymingledyear,thistimeforMelanctha,butshecertainlydidbegintoreallyunderstand.
IneverywayshegotitfromJaneHarden.Therewasnothinggoodorbadindoing,feeling,thinkingorintalking,thatJanesparedher.SometimesthelessoncamealmosttoostrongforMelanctha,butsomehowshealwaysmanagedtoendureitandsoslowly,butalwayswithincreasingstrengthandfeeling,Melancthabegantoreallyunderstand.
Thenslowly,betweenthem,itbegantobealldifferent.Slowlynowbetweenthem,itwasMelancthaHerbert,whowasstronger.Slowlynowtheybegantodriftapartfromoneanother.
MelancthaHerbertneverreallylosthersensethatitwasJaneHardenwhohadtaughther,butJanedidmanythingsthatMelancthanownolongerneeded.Andthen,too,Melancthanevercouldrememberrightwhenitcametowhatshehaddoneandwhathadhappened.MelancthanowsometimesquarreledwithJane,andtheynolongerwentabouttogether,andsometimesMelancthareallyforgothowmuchsheowedtoJaneHarden'steaching.
Melancthabegannowtofeelthatshehadalwayshadworldwisdom.Shereallyknewofcourse,thatitwasJanewhohadtaughther,butallthatbegantobecoveredoverbythetroublebetweenthem,thatwasnowalwaysgettingstronger.
JaneHardenwasaroughenedwoman.Onceshehadbeenverystrong,butnowshewasweakenedinallherkindsofstrengthbyherdrinking.Melancthahadtriedthedrinkingbutithadhadnorealattractionforher.
Jane'sstrongandroughenednatureandherdrinkingmadeitalwaysharderforhertoforgiveMelanctha,thatnowMelancthadidnotreallyneedheranylonger.NowitwasMelancthawhowasstrongeranditwasJanewhowasdependentonher.
Melancthawasnowcometobeabouteighteenyearsold.Shewasagraceful,paleyellow,goodlooking,intelligent,attractivenegress,alittlemysterioussometimesinherways,andalwaysgoodandpleasant,andalwaysreadytodo
thingsforpeople.
MelancthafromnowonsawverylittleofJaneHarden.JanedidnotlikethatverywellandsometimessheabusedMelanctha,butherdrinkingsooncoveredeverythingallover.
ItwasnotinMelanctha'snaturetoreallylosehersenseforJaneHarden.MelancthaallherlifewasreadytohelpJaneoutinanyofhertrouble,andlater,whenJanereallywenttopieces,Melancthaalwaysdidallthatshecouldtohelpher.
ButMelancthaHerbertwasreadynowherselftodoteaching.Melancthacoulddoanythingnowthatshewanted.Melancthaknewnowwhateverybodywanted.
Melancthahadlearnedhowshemightstayalittlelonger;shehadlearnedthatshemustdecidewhenshewantedreallytostaylonger,andshehadlearnedhowwhenshewantedto,shecouldescape.
AndsoMelancthabeganoncemoretowander.Itwasallnowforherverydifferent.Itwasneverroughermennowthatshetalkedto,andshedidnotcaremuchnowtoknowwhitemenofthe,forher,verybetterclasses.ItwasnowsomethingreallerthatMelancthawanted,somethingthatwouldmoveherverydeeply,somethingthatwouldfillherfullywiththewisdomthatwasplantednowwithinher,andthatshewantedbadly,shouldreallywhollyfillher.
Melancthathesedayswanderedverywidely.Shewasalwaysalonenowwhenshewandered.Melancthadidnotneedhelpnowtoknow,ortostaylonger,orwhenshewanted,toescape.
Melancthatriedagreatmanymen,inthesedaysbeforeshewasreallysuited.Itwasalmostayearthatshewanderedandthenshemetwithayoungmulatto.Hewasadoctorwhohadjustbeguntopractice.Hewouldmostlikelydowellinthefuture,butitwasnotthisthatconcernedMelanctha.Shefoundhimgoodandstrongandgentleandveryintellectual,andallherlifeMelancthalikedandwantedgoodandconsideratepeople,andthentoohedidnotatfirstbelieveinMelanctha.HeheldoffanddidnotknowwhatitwasthatMelancthawanted.Melancthacametowanthimverybadly.Theybegantoknoweachotherbetter.Thingsbegantobeverystrongbetweenthem.Melancthawantedhimsobadlythatnowsheneverwandered.Shejustgaveherselftothisexperience.
MelancthaHerbertwasnow,allalone,inBridgepoint.Shelivednowwiththiscoloredwomanandnowwiththatone,andshesewed,andsometimesshetaughtalittleinacoloredschoolassubstituteforsometeacher.Melancthahadnownohomenoranyregularemployment.LifewasjustcommencingforMelanctha.Shehadyouthandhadlearnedwisdom,andshewasgracefulandpaleyellowandverypleasant,andalwaysreadytodothingsforpeople,andshewasmysteriousinherwaysandthatonlymadebeliefinhermorefervent.
DuringtheyearbeforeshemetJeffersonCampbell,MelancthahadtriedmanykindsofmenbuttheyhadnoneoftheminterestedMelancthaverydeeply.Shemetthem,shewasmuchwiththem,sheleftthem,shewouldthinkperhapsthisnexttimeitwouldbemoreexciting,andalwaysshefoundthatforheritallhadnorealmeaning.Shecouldnowdoeverythingshewanted,sheknewnoweverythingthateverybodywanted,andyetitallhadnoexcitementforher.Withthesemen,sheknewshecouldlearnnothing.Shewantedsomeonethatcouldteachherverydeeplyandnowatlastshewassurethatshehadfoundhim,yesshereallyhadit,beforeshehadthoughttolookifinthismanshewouldfindit.
Duringthisyear'Mis'Herbertasherneighborscalledher,Melanctha'spaleyellowmotherwasverysick,andinthisyearshedied.
Melanctha'sfatherduringtheselastyearsdidnotcomeveryoftentothehousewherehiswifelivedandMelanctha.MelancthawasnotsurethatherfatherwasnowanylongerhereinBridgepoint.ItwasMelancthawhowasverygoodnowtohermother.ItwasalwaysMelanctha'swaytobegoodtoanyoneintrouble.
Melancthatookgoodcareofhermother.Shedideverythingthatanywomancould,shetendedandsoothedandhelpedherpaleyellowmother,andsheworkedhardineverywaytotakecareofher,andmakeherdyingeasy.ButMelancthadidnotinthesedayslikehermotheranybetter,andhermothernevercaredmuchforthisdaughterwhowasalwaysahardchildtomanage,andwhohadatonguethatalwayscouldbeverynasty.
Melancthadideverythingthatanywomancould,andatlasthermotherdied,andMelancthahadherburied.Melanctha'sfatherwasnotheardfrom,andMelancthainallherlifeafter,neversaworheardorknewofanythingthatherfatherdid.
Itwastheyoungdoctor,JeffersonCampbell,whohelpedMelancthatowardtheend,totakecareofhersickmother.JeffersonCampbellhadoftenbeforeseenMelancthaHerbert,buthehadneverlikedherverywell,andhehadneverbelievedthatshewasanygood.Hehadheardsomethingabouthowshewandered.HeknewalittletooofJaneHarden,andhewassurethatthisMelancthaHerbert,whowasherfriendandwhowandered,wouldnevercometoanygood.
Dr.JeffersonCampbellwasaserious,earnest,goodyoungjoyousdoctor.Helikedtotakecareofeverybodyandhelovedhisowncoloredpeople.HealwaysfoundlifeveryeasydidJeffCampbell,andeverybodylikedtohavehimwiththem.Hewassogoodandsympathetic,andhewassoearnestandsojoyous.Hesangwhenhewashappy,andhelaughed,andhiswasthefreeabandonedlaughterthatgivesthewarmbroadglowtonegrosunshine.
JeffCampbellhadneveryetinhislifehadrealtrouble.Jefferson'sfatherwasagood,kind,serious,religiousman.Hewasaverysteady,veryintelligent,andverydignified,lightbrown,greyhairednegro.HewasabutlerandhehadworkedfortheCampbellfamilymanyyears,andhisfatherandhismotherbeforehimhadbeenintheserviceofthisfamilyasfreepeople.
JeffersonCampbell'sfatherandhismotherhadofcoursebeenregularlymarried.Jefferson'smotherwasasweet,little,palebrown,gentlewomanwhoreverencedandobeyedhergoodhusband,andwhoworshippedandadmiredandlovedhardher-good,earnest,cheery,hardworkingdoctorboywhowasheronlychild.
JeffCampbellhadbeenraisedreligiousbyhispeoplebutreligionhadneverinterestedJeffverymuch.Jeffersonwasverygood.Helovedhispeopleandheneverhurtthem,andhealwaysdideverythingtheywantedandthathecouldtopleasethem,buthereallylovedbestscienceandexperimentingandtolearnthings,andheearlywantedtobeadoctor,andhewasalwaysveryinterestedinthelifeofthecoloredpeople.
TheCampbellfamilyhadbeenverygoodtohimandhadhelpedhimonwithhisambition.Jeffersonstudiedhard,hewenttoacoloredcollege,andthenhelearnttobeadoctor.
Itwasnowtwoorthreeyears,thathehadstartedintopractice.EverybodylikedJeffCampbell,hewassostrongandkindlyandcheerfulandunderstanding,and
helaughedsowithpurejoy,andhealwayslikedtohelpallhisowncoloredpeople.
Dr.JeffknewallaboutJaneHarden.Hehadtakencareofherinsomeofherbadtrouble.HeknewaboutMelancthatoo,thoughuntilhermotherwastakensickhehadnevermether.ThenhewascalledintohelpMelancthatotakecareofhersickmother.Dr.CampbelldidnotlikeMelanctha'swaysandhedidnotthinkthatshewouldevercometoanygood.
Dr.CampbellhadtakencareofJaneHardeninsomeofherbadtrouble.JanesometimeshadabusedMelancthatohim.WhatrighthadthatMelancthaHerbertwhoowedeverythingtoher,JaneHarden,whatrighthadagirllikethattogoawaytoothermenandleaveher,butMelancthaHerbertneverhadanysenseofhowtoacttoanybody.Melancthahadagoodmind,Janeneverdeniedherthat,butsheneverusedittodoanythingdecentwithit.ButwhatcouldyouexpectwhenMelancthahadsuchabruteofablackniggerfather,andMelancthawasalwaysabusingherfatherandyetshewasjustlikehim,andreallysheadmiredhimsomuchandheneverhadanysenseofwhatheowedtoanybody,andMelancthawasjustlikehimandshewasproudofittoo,anditmadeJanesotiredtohearMelancthatalkallthetimeasifshewasn't.JaneHardenhatedpeoplewhohadgoodmindsanddidn'tusethem,andMelancthaalwayshadthatweakness,andwantingtokeepinwithpeople,andneverreallysayingthatshewantedtobelikeherfather,anditwassosillyofMelancthatoabuseherfather,whenshewassomuchlikehimandshereallylikedit.No,JaneHardenhadnouseforMelanctha.Ohyes,Melancthaalwayscamearoundtobegoodtoher.Melancthawasalwayssuretodothat.Sheneverreallywentawayandleftone.Shedidn'tusehermindenoughtodothingsstraightoutlikethat.MelancthaHerberthadagoodmind,Janeneverdeniedthattoher,butsheneverwantedtoseeorhearaboutMelancthaHerbertanymore,andshewishedMelancthawouldn'tcomeinanymoretoseeher.Shedidn'thateher,butshedidn'twanttohearaboutherfatherandallthattalkMelancthaalwaysmade,andthatjustmeantnothingtoher.JaneHardenwasverytiredofallthatnow.Shedidn'thaveanyusenowanymoreforMelanctha,andifDr.CampbellsawherhebettertellherJanedidn'twanttoseeher,andshecouldtakehertalktosomebodyelse,whowasreadytobelieveher.AndthenJaneHardenwoulddropawayandforgetMelancthaandallherlifebefore,andthenshewouldbegintodrinkandsoshewouldcovereverythingallover.
JeffCampbellheardallthisveryoften,butitdidnotinteresthimverydeeply.
HefeltnodesiretoknowmoreofthisMelanctha.Heheardher,once,talkingtoanothergirloutsideofthehouse,whenhewaspayingavisittoJaneHarden.Hedidnotseemuchinthetalkthatheheardherdo.HedidnotseemuchinthethingsJaneHardensaidwhensheabusedMelancthatohim.HewasmoreinterestedinJaneherselfthaninanythingheheardaboutMelanctha.HeknewJaneHardenhadagoodmind,andshehadhadpower,andshecouldreallyhavedonethings,andnowthisdrinkingcoveredeverythingallover.JeffCampbellwasalwaysverysorrywhenhehadtoseeit.JaneHardenwasaroughenedwoman,andyetJefffoundagreatmanystronggoodthingsinher,thatstillmadehimlikeher.
JeffCampbelldideverythinghecouldforJaneHarden.HedidnotcaremuchtohearaboutMelanctha.Hehadnofeeling,much,abouther.Hedidnotfindthathetookanyinterestinher.JaneHardenwassomuchastrongerwoman,andJanereallyhadhadagoodmind,andshehadusedittodothingswithit,beforethisdrinkingbusinesshadtakensuchaholduponher.
Dr.CampbellwashelpingMelancthaHerberttotakecareofhersickmother.HesawMelancthanowforlongtimesandveryoften,andtheysometimestalkedagooddealtogether,butMelancthaneversaidanythingtohimaboutJaneHarden.Shenevertalkedtohimaboutanythingthatwasnotjustgeneralmatters,oraboutmedicine,ortotellhimfunnystories.Sheaskedhimmanyquestionsandalwayslistenedverywelltoallhetoldher,andshealwaysrememberedeverythingsheheardhimsayaboutdoctoring,andshealwaysrememberedeverythingthatshehadlearnedfromalltheothers.
JeffCampbellneverfoundthatallthistalkinterestedhimverydeeply.HedidnotfindthathelikedMelancthawhenhesawhersomuch,anybetter.HeneverfoundthathethoughtmuchaboutMelanctha.Heneverfoundthathebelievedmuchinherhavingagoodmind,likeJaneHarden.HefoundhelikedJaneHardenalwaysbetter,andthathewishedverymuchthatshehadneverbegunthatbaddrinking.
MelancthaHerbert'smotherwasnowalwaysgettingsicker.Melancthareallydideverythingthatanywomancould.Melanctha'smotherneverlikedherdaughteranybetter.Sheneversaidmuch,did'Mis'Herbert,butanybodycouldseethatshedidnotthinkmuchofthisdaughter.
Dr.Campbellnowoftenhadtostayalongtimetotakecareof'Mis'Herbert.
Oneday'Mis'HerbertwasmuchsickerandDr.Campbellthoughtthatthisnight,shewouldsurelydie.Hecamebacklatetothehouse,ashehadsaidhewould,tositupandwatch'Mis'Herbert,andtohelpMelanctha,ifsheshouldneedanybodytobewithher.MelancthaHerbertandJeffCampbellsatupallthatnighttogether.'Mis'Herbertdidnotdie.Thenextdayshewasalittlebetter.
ThishousewhereMelancthahadalwayslivedwithhermotherwasalittleredbrick,twostoryhouse.Theyhadnotmuchfurnituretofillitandsomeofthewindowswerebrokenandnotmended.Melancthadidnothavemuchmoneytousenowonthehouse,butwithacoloredwoman,whowastheirneighborandgoodnaturedandwhohadalwayshelpedthem,Melancthamanagedtotakecareofhermotherandtokeepthehousefairlycleanandneat.
Melanctha'smotherwasinbedinaroomupstairs,andthestepsfrombelowledrightupintoit.Therewerejusttworoomsonthisupstairsfloor.MelancthaandDr.Campbellsatdownonthesteps,thatnighttheywatchedtogether,sothattheycouldhearandseeMelanctha'smotherandyetthelightwouldbeshaded,andtheycouldsitandread,iftheywantedto,andtalklowsome,andyetnotdisturb'Mis'Herbert.
Dr.Campbellwasalwaysveryfondofreading.Dr.Campbellhadnotbroughtabookwithhimthatnight.Hehadjustforgottenit.Hehadmeanttoputsomethinginhispockettoread,sothathecouldamusehimself,whilehewassittingthereandwatching.Whenhewasthroughwithtakingcareof'Mis'Herbert,hecameandsatdownonthestepsjustabovewhereMelancthawassitting.Hespokeabouthowhehadforgottentobringhisbookwithhim.Melancthasaidthereweresomeoldpapersinthehouse,perhapsDr.Campbellcouldfindsomethinginthemthatwouldhelppassthetimeforawhileforhim.Allright,Dr.Campbellsaid,thatwouldbebetterthanjustsittingtherewithnothing.Dr.CampbellbegantoreadthroughtheoldpapersthatMelancthagavehim.Whenanythingamusedhiminthem,hereaditouttoMelanctha.Melancthawasnowprettysilent,withhim.Dr.Campbellbegantofeelalittle,abouthowsherespondedtohim.Dr.CampbellbegantoseealittlethatperhapsMelancthahadagoodmind.Dr.Campbellwasnotsureyetthatshehadagoodmind,buthebegantothinkalittlethatperhapsshemighthaveone.
JeffersonCampbellalwayslikedtotalktoeverybodyaboutthethingsheworkedatandabouthisthinkingaboutwhathecoulddoforthecoloredpeople.MelancthaHerbertneverthoughtaboutthesethingsthewaythathedid.
MelancthahadneversaidmuchtoDr.Campbellaboutwhatshethoughtaboutthem.Melancthadidnotfeelthesameashedidaboutbeinggoodandregularinlife,andnothavingexcitementsallthetime,whichwasthewaythatJeffersonCampbellwantedthateverybodyshouldbe,sothateverybodywouldbewiseandyetbehappy.Melancthaalwayshadstrongthesenseforrealexperience.MelancthaHerbertdidnotthinkmuchofthiswayofcomingtorealwisdom.
Dr.Campbellsoongotthroughwithhisreading,intheoldnewspapers,andthensomehowhebegantotalkalongaboutthethingshewasalwaysthinking.Dr.Campbellsaidhewantedtoworksothathecouldunderstandwhattroubledpeople,andnottojusthaveexcitements,andhebelievedyououghttoloveyourfatherandyourmotherandtoberegularinallyourlife,andnottobealwayswantingnewthingsandexcitements,andtoalwaysknowwhereyouwere,andwhatyouwanted,andtoalwaystelleverythingjustasyoumeantit.That'stheonlykindoflifehekneworbelievedin,JeffCampbellrepeated."NoIain'tgotanyuseforallthetimebeinginexcitementsandwantingtohaveallkindsofexperienceallthetime.Igotplentyofexperiencejustlivingregularandquietandwithmyfamily,anddoingmywork,andtakingcareofpeople,andtryingtounderstandit.Idon'tbelievemuchinthisrunningaroundbusinessandI.don'twanttoseethecoloredpeopledoit.IamacoloredmanandIain'tsorry,andIwanttoseethecoloredpeoplelikewhatisgoodandwhatIwantthemtohave,andthat'stoliveregularandworkhardandunderstandthings,andthat'senoughtokeepanydecentmanexcited."JeffCampbellspokenowwithsomeanger.NottoMelanctha,hedidnotthinkofheratallwhenhewastalking.Itwasthelifehewantedthathespoketo,andthewayhewantedthingstobewiththecoloredpeople.
ButMelancthaHerberthadlistenedtohimsayallthis.Sheknewhemeantit,butitdidnotmeanmuchtoher,andshewassuresomedayhewouldfindout,thatitwasnotall,ofrealwisdom.Melancthaknewverywellwhatitwastohaverealwisdom."ButhowaboutJaneHarden?"saidMelancthatoJeffCampbell,"seemstomeDr.Campbellyoufindhertohavesomethinginher,andyougothereveryoften,andyoutalktohermuchmorethanyoudotothenicegirlsthatstayathomewiththeirpeople,thekindyousayyouarereallywanting.Itdon'tseemtomeDr.Campbell,thatwhatyousayandwhatyoudoseemtohavemuchtodowitheachother.AndaboutyourbeingsogoodDr.Campbell,"wentonMelanctha,"Youdon'tcareaboutgoingtochurchmuchyourself,andyetyoualwaysaresayingyoubelievesomuchinthingslikethat,forpeople.Itseemstome,Dr.Campbellyouwanttohaveagoodtimejustlikeallusothers,andthen
youjustkeeponsayingthatit'srighttobegoodandyououghtnottohaveexcitements,andyetyoureallydon'twanttodoitDr.Campbell,nomorethanmeorJaneHarden.No,Dr.Campbell,itcertainlydoesseemtomeyoudon'tknowverywellyourself,whatyoumean,whenyouaretalking."
Jeffersonhadbeentalkingrightalong,thewayhealwaysdidwhenhegotstarted,andnowMelanctha'sansweronlymadehimtalkalittleharder.Helaughedalittle,too,butverylow,soasnottodisturb'Mis'Herbertwhowassleepingverynicely,andhelookedbrightlyatMelancthatoenjoyher,andthenhesettledhimselfdowntoanswer.
"Yes,"hebegan,"itcertainlydoessoundalittlelikeIdidn'tknowverywellwhatIdomean,whenyouputitlikethattome,MissMelanctha,butthat'sjustbecauseyoudon'tunderstandenoughaboutwhatImeant,bywhatIwasjustsayingtoyou.Idon'tsay,never,Idon'twanttoknowallkindsofpeople,MissMelanctha,andIdon'tsaythereain'tmanykindsofpeople,andIdon'tsayever,thatIdon'tfindsomelikeJaneHardenverygoodtoknowandtalkto,butit'sthestrongthingsIlikeinJaneHarden,notallherexcitements.Idon'tadmirethebadthingsshedoes,MissMelanctha,butJaneHardenisastrongwomanandIalwaysrespectthatinher.NoIknowyoudon'tbelievewhatIsay,MissMelanctha,butImeanit,andit'salljustbecauseyoudon'tunderstanditwhenIsayit.Andasforreligion,thatjustain'tmywayofbeinggood,MissMelanctha,butit'sagoodwayformanypeopletobegoodandregularintheirwayofliving,andiftheybelieveit,ithelpsthemtobegood,andifthey'rehonestinit,Iliketoseethemhaveit.No,whatIdon'tlike,MissMelanctha,isthiswhatIseesomuchwiththecoloredpeople,theiralwayswantingnewthingsjusttogetexcited."
JeffersonCampbellherestoppedhimselfinthistalking.MelancthaHerbertdidnotmakeanyanswer.Theybothsatthereveryquiet.
JeffCampbellthenbeganagainontheoldpapers.HesatthereonthestepsjustabovewhereMelancthawassitting,andhewentonwithhisreading,andhisheadwentmovingupanddown,andsometimeshewasreading,andsometimeshewasthinkingaboutallthethingshewantedtobedoing,andthenhewouldrubthebackofhisdarkhandoverhismouth,andinbetweenhewouldbefrowningwithhisthinking,andsometimeshewouldberubbinghisheadhardtohelphisthinking.AndMelancthajustsatstillandwatchedthelampburning,andsometimessheturneditdownalittle,whenthewindcaughtitanditwould
begintogettosmoking.
AndsoJeffCampbellandMelancthaHerbertsatthereonthesteps,veryquiet,alongtime,andtheydidn'tseemtothinkmuch,thattheyweretogether.Theysatthereso,foraboutanhour,andthenitcametoJeffersonveryslowlyandasastrongfeelingthathewassittingthereonthesteps,alone,withMelanctha.HedidnotknowifMelancthaHerbertwasfeelingverymuchabouttheirbeingtherealonetogether.Jeffersonbegantowonderaboutitalittle.Slowlyhefeltthatsurelytheymustbothhavethisfeeling.Itwassoimportantthatheknewthatshemusthaveit.Theybothsatthere,veryquiet,alongtime.
AtlastJeffersonbegantotalkabouthowthelampwassmelling.Jeffersonbegantoexplainwhatitisthatmakesalampgettosmelling.Melancthalethimtalk.Shedidnotanswer,andthenhestoppedinhistalking.SoonMelancthabegantositupstraighterandthenshestartedintoquestion.
"AboutwhatyouwasjustsayingDr.Campbellaboutlivingregularandallthat,Icertainlydon'tunderstandwhatyoumeantbywhatyouwasjustsaying.Youain'tabitlikegoodpeopleDr.Campbell,likethegoodpeopleyouarealwayssayingarejustlikeyou.IknowgoodpeopleDr.Campbell,andyouain'tabitlikemenwhoaregoodandgotreligion.YouarejustasfreeandeasyasanymancanbeDr.Campbell,andyoualwaysliketobewithJaneHarden,andsheisaprettybadoneandyoudon'tlookdownonherandyounevertellhersheisabadone.IknowyoulikeherjustlikeafriendDr.Campbell,andsoIcertainlydon'tunderstandjustwhatitisyoumeanbyallthatyouwasjustsayingtome.IknowyoumeanhonestDr.Campbell,andIamalwaystryingtobelieveyou,butIcan'tsayasIseejustwhatyoumeanwhenyousayyouwanttobegoodandrealpious,becauseIamverycertainDr.Campbellthatyouain'tthatkindofamanatall,andyouain'tneverashamedtobewithqueerfolksDr.Campbell,andyouseemtobethinkingwhatyouaredoingisjustlikewhatyouarealwayssaying,andDr.Campbell,Icertainlydon'tjustseewhatyoumeanbywhatyousay."
Dr.Campbellalmostlaughedloudenoughtowake'Mis'Herbert.HedidenjoythewayMelancthasaidthesethingstohim.HebegantofeelverystronglyaboutitthatperhapsMelancthareallyhadagoodmind.Hewasveryfreenowinhislaughing,butnotsoastomakeMelancthaangry.Hewasveryfriendlywithherinhislaughing,andthenhemadehisfacegetserious,andherubbedhisheadtohelphiminhisthinking.
"IknowMissMelanctha"hebegan,"Itain'tveryeasyforyoutounderstandwhatIwasmeaningbywhatIwasjustsayingtoyou,andperhapssomeofthegoodpeopleIlikesowouldn'tthinkverymuch,anymorethanyoudo,MissMelanctha,aboutthewaysIhavetobegood.Butthat'snomatterMissMelanctha.WhatImeanMissMelancthabywhatIwasjustsayingtoyouis,thatIdon't,no,never,believeindoingthingsjusttogetexcited.YouseeMissMelancthaImeanthewaysomanyofthecoloredpeopledoit.Insteadofjustworkinghardandcaringabouttheirworkingandlivingregularwiththeirfamiliesandsavingupalltheirmoney,sotheywillhavesometobringuptheirchildrenbetter,insteadoflivingregularanddoinglikethatandgettingalltheirnewwaysfromjustdecentliving,thecoloredpeoplejustkeeprunningaroundandperhapsdrinkinganddoingeverythingbadtheycaneverthinkof,andnotjustbecausetheylikeallthosebadthingsthattheyarealwaysdoing,butonlyjustbecausetheywanttogetexcited.NoMissMelanctha,youseeIamacoloredmanmyselfandIain'tsorry,andIwanttoseethecoloredpeoplebeinggoodandcarefulandalwayshonestandlivingalwaysjustasregularascanbe,andIamsureMissMelanctha,thatthatwayeverybodycanhaveagoodtime,andbehappyandkeeprightandbebusy,andnotalwayshavetobedoingbadthingsfornewwaystogetexcited.YesMissMelanctha,Icertainlydolikeeverythingtobegood,andquiet,andIcertainlydothinkthatisthebestwayforalluscoloredpeople.No,MissMelancthatoo,Idon'tmeanthisexceptonlyjustthewayIsayit.Iain'tgotanyothermeaningMissMelanctha,andit'sthatwhatImeanwhenIamsayingaboutbeingreallygood.Itain'tMissMelancthatobepiousandnotlikingeverykindofpeople,andIdon'tsayeverMissMelancthathatwhenotherkindofpeoplecomeregularintoyourlifeyoushouldn'twanttoknowthemalways.WhatImeanMissMelancthabywhatIamalwayssayingis,youshouldn'ttrytoknoweverybodyjusttorunaroundandgetexcited.It'sthatkindofwayofdoingthatIhatesoalwaysMissMelanctha,andthatissobadforalluscoloredpeople.Idon'tknowasyouunderstandnowanybetterwhatImeanbywhatIwasjustsayingtoyou.ButyoucertainlydoknownowMissMelanctha,thatIalwaysmeanitwhatIsaywhenIamtalking."
"YesIcertainlydounderstandyouwhenyoutalksoDr.Campbell.Icertainlydounderstandnowwhatyoumeanbywhatyouwasalwayssayingtome.IcertainlydounderstandDr.Campbellthatyoumeanyoudon'tbelieveit'srighttoloveanybody.""Whysureno,yesIdoMissMelanctha,Icertainlydobelievestronginloving,andinbeinggoodtoeverybody,andtryingtounderstandwhattheyallneed,tohelpthem.""OhIknowallaboutthatwayofdoingDr.Campbell,butthatcertainlyain'tthekindofloveImeanwhenIamtalking.I
meanreal,strong,hotloveDr.Campbell,thatmakesyoudoanythingforsomebodythatlovesyou.""Idon'tknowmuchaboutthatkindofloveyetMissMelanctha.Youseeit'sthiswaywithmealwaysMissMelanctha.IamalwayssobusywithmythinkingaboutmyworkIamdoingandsoIdon'thavetimeforjustfooling,andthentoo,youseeMissMelanctha,Ireallycertainlydon'teverliketogetexcited,andthatkindoflovingharddoesseemalwaystomeanjustgettingallthetimeexcited.ThatcertainlyiswhatIalwaysthinkfromwhatIseeofthemthathaveitbadMissMelanctha,andthatcertainlywouldneversuitamanlikeme.YouseeMissMelancthaIamaveryquietkindoffellow,andIbelieveinaquietlifeforallthecoloredpeople.NoMissMelancthaIcertainlyneverhavemixedmyselfupinthatkindoftrouble."
"YesIcertainlydoseethatveryclearDr.Campbell,"saidMelanctha,"Iseethat'scertainlywhatitisalwaysmademenotknowrightaboutyouandthat'scertainlywhatitisthatmakesyoureallymeanwhatyouwasalwayssaying.YoucertainlyarejusttooscaredDr.Campbelltoreallyfeelthingswaydowninyou.AllyouarealwayswantingDr.Campbell,isjusttotalkaboutbeinggood,andtoplaywithpeoplejusttohaveagoodtime,andyetalwaystocertainlykeepyourselfoutoftrouble.Itdon'tseemtomeDr.CampbellthatIadmirethatwaytodothingsverymuch.Itcertainlyain'treallytomebeingverygood.Itcertainlyain'tanymoretomeDr.Campbell,butthatyoucertainlyareawfulscaredaboutreallyfeelingthingswaydowninyou,andthat'scertainlytheonlywayDr.CampbellIcanseethatyoucanmean,bywhatitisthatyouarealwayssayingtome."
"Idon'tknowaboutthatMissMelanctha,Icertainlydon'tthinkIcan'tfeelthingsverydeepinme,thoughIdosayIcertainlydoliketohavethingsniceandquiet,butIdon'tseeharminkeepingoutofdangerMissMelanctha,whenamanknowshecertainlydon'twanttogetkilledinit,andIdon'tknowanythingthat'smoreawfuldangerousMissMelancthathanbeingstronginlovewithsomebody.Idon'tmindsicknessorrealtroubleMissMelanctha,andIdon'twanttobetalkingaboutwhatIcandoinrealtrouble,butyouknowsomethingaboutthatMissMelanctha,butIcertainlydon'tseemuchinmixingupjusttogetexcited,inthatawfulkindofdanger.NoMissMelancthaIcertainlydoonlyknowjusttwokindsofwaysofloving.Onekindoflovingseemstome,islikeonehasagoodquietfeelinginafamilywhenonedoeshiswork,andisalwayslivinggoodandbeingregular,andthentheotherwayoflovingisjustlikehavingitlikeanyanimalthat'slowinthestreetstogether,andthatdon'tseemtomeverygoodMissMelanctha,thoughIdon'tsayeverthatit'snotallrightwhen
anybodylikesit,andthat'sallthekindsofloveIknowMissMelanctha,andIcertainlydon'tcareverymuchtogetmixedupinthatkindofawayjusttobeintrouble."
JeffersonstoppedandMelancthathoughtalittle.
"ThatcertainlydoesexplaintomeDr.CampbellwhatIbeenthinkingaboutyouthislongtime.Icertainlydidwonderhowyoucouldbesolive,andknowingeverything,andeverybody,andtalkingsobigalwaysabouteverything,andeverybodyalwayslikingyousomuch,andyoualwayslookingasifyouwasthinking,andyetyoureallywasneverknowingaboutanybodyandcertainlynotbeingreallyveryunderstanding.ItcertainlyisallDr.Campbellbecauseyouissoafraidyouwillbelosingbeinggoodsoeasy,anditcertainlydoseemtomeDr.Campbellthatitcertainlydon'tamounttoverymuchthatkindofgoodness."
"PerhapsyouarerightMissMelanctha,"Jeffersonanswered."Idon'tsaynever,perhapsyouain'trightMissMelanctha.PerhapsIoughttoknowmoreaboutsuchwaysMissMelanctha.Perhapsitwouldhelpmesome,takingcareofthecoloredpeople,MissMelanctha.Idon'tsay,no,never,butperhapsIcouldlearnawholelotaboutwomentherightway,ifIhadarealgoodteacher."
'Mis'Herbertjustthenstirredalittleinhersleep.Melancthawentupthestepstothebedtoattendher.Dr.Campbellgotuptooandwenttohelpher.'Mis'Herbertwokeupandwasalittlebetter.NowitwasmorningandDr.CampbellgavehisdirectionstoMelanctha,andthenlefther.
MelancthaHerbertallherlifelong,lovedandwantedgood,kindandconsideratepeople.JeffersonCampbellwasallthethingsthatMelancthahadeverwanted.Jeffersonwasastrong,wellbuilt,goodlooking,cheery,intelligentandgoodmulatto.AndthenatfirsthehadnotcaredtoknowMelanctha,andwhenhedidbegintoknowherhehadnotlikedherverywell,andhehadnotthoughtthatshewouldevercometoanygood.AndthenJeffersonCampbellwassoverygentle.Jeffersonneverdidsomethingslikeothermen,thingsthatnowwerebeginningtobeugly,forMelanctha.AndthentooJeffersonCampbelldidnotseemtoknowverywellwhatitwasthatMelancthareallywanted,andallthiswasmakingMelancthafeelhispowerwithheralwaysgettingstronger.
Dr.Campbellcameineverydaytosee'Mis'Herbert.'Mis'Herbert,afterthatnighttheywatchedtogether,didgetalittlebetter,but'Mis'Herbertwasreally
verysick,andsoonitwasprettysurethatshewouldhavetodie.Melancthacertainlydideverything,allthetime,thatanywomancould.JeffersonneverthoughtmuchbetterofMelancthawhileshedidit.Itwasnotherbeinggood,hewantedtofindinher.HeknewverywellJaneHardenwasright,whenshesaidMelancthawasalwaysbeinggoodtoeverybodybutthatthatdidnotmakeMelancthaanybetterforher.Thentoo,'Mis'HerbertneverlikedMelancthaanybetter,evenonthelastdayofherliving,andsoJeffersonreallyneverthoughtmuchofMelanctha'salwaysbeinggoodtohermother.
JeffersonandMelancthanowsaweachother,veryoften.Theynowalwayslikedtobewitheachother,andtheyalwaysnowhadagoodtimewhentheytalkedtooneanother.They,mostlyintheirtalkingtoeachother,stilljusttalkedaboutoutsidethingsandwhattheywerethinking.Exceptjustinlittlemoments,andnotthoseveryoften,theyneversaidanythingabouttheirfeeling.SometimesMelancthawouldteaseJeffersonalittlejusttoshowshehadnotforgotten,butmostlyshelistenedtohistalking,forJeffersonstillalwayslikedtotalkalongaboutthethingshebelievedin.MelancthawaslikingJeffersonCampbellbettereveryday,andJeffersonwasbeginningtoknowthatMelancthacertainlyhadagoodmind,andhewasbeginningtofeelalittleherrealsweetness.Notinherbeinggoodto'Mis'Herbert,thatneverseemedtoJeffersontomeanmuchinher,buttherewasastrongkindofsweetnessinMelanctha'snaturethatJeffersonbegannowtofeelwhenhewaswithher.
'Mis'Herbertwasnowalwaysgettingsicker.OnenightagainDr.Campbellfeltverycertainthatbeforeitwasmorningshewouldsurelydie.Dr.CampbellsaidhewouldcomebacktohelpMelancthawatchher,andtodoanythinghecouldtomake'Mis'Herbert'sdyingmoreeasyforher.Dr.Campbellcamebackthatevening,afterhewasthroughwithhisotherpatients,andthenhemade'Mis'Herberteasy,andthenhecameandsatdownonthestepsjustabovewhereMelancthawassittingwiththelamp,andlookingverytired.Dr.Campbellwasprettytiredtoo,andtheybothsatthereveryquiet.
"Youlookawfultiredto-night,Dr.Campbell,"Melancthasaidatlast,withhervoicelowandverygentle,"Don'tyouwanttogoliedownandsleepalittle?You'realwaysbeingmuchtoogoodtoeverybody,Dr.Campbell.Iliketohaveyoustayherewatchingto-nightwithme,butitdon'tseemrightyououghttostayherewhenyougotsomuchalwaystodoforeverybody.Youarecertainlyverykindtocomeback,Dr.Campbell,butIcancertainlygetalongto-nightwithoutyou.IcangethelpnextdoorsureifIneedit.Youjustgo'longhometo
bed,Dr.Campbell.Youcertainlydolookasifyouneedit."
Jeffersonwassilentforsometime,andalwayshewaslookingverygentlyatMelanctha.
"Icertainlyneverdidthink,MissMelanctha,Iwouldfindyoutobesosweetandthinking,withme.""Dr.Campbell"saidMelanctha,stillmoregentle,"Icertainlyneverdidthinkthatyouwouldeverfeelitgoodtolikeme.IcertainlyneverdidthinkyouwouldwanttoseeforyourselfifIhadsweetwaysinme."
Theybothsatthereverytired,verygentle,veryquiet,alongtime.AtlastMelancthainalow,eventonebegantotalktoJeffersonCampbell.
"Youarecertainlyaverygoodman,Dr.Campbell,IcertainlydofeelthatmoreeverydayIseeyou.Dr.Campbell,Isuredowanttobefriendswithagoodmanlikeyou,nowIknowyou.Youcertainly,Dr.Campbell,neverdothingslikeothermen,that'salwaysuglyforme.Tellmetrue,Dr.Campbell,howyoufeelaboutbeingalwaysfriendswithme.Icertainlydoknow,Dr.Campbell,youareagoodman,andifyousayyouwillbefriendswithme,youcertainlyneverwillgobackonme,thewaysomanykindsofthemdotoeverygirltheyevergettolikethem.Tellmefortrue,Dr.Campbell,willyoubefriendswithme."
"Why,MissMelanctha,"saidCampbellslowly,"whyyouseeIjustcan'tsaythatrightoutthatwaytoyou.WhysureyouknowMissMelanctha,Iwillbeverygladifitcomesbyandbythatwearealwaysfriendstogether,butyousee,MissMelanctha,Icertainlyamaveryslow-mindedquietkindoffellowthoughIdosayquickthingsallthetimetoeverybody,andwhenIcertainlydowanttomeanitwhatIamsayingtoyou,Ican'tsaythingslikethatrightouttoeverybodytillIknowreallymoreforcertainallaboutyou,andhowIlikeyou,andwhatIreallymeantodobetterforyou.YoucertainlydoseewhatImean,MissMelanctha.""Icertainlydoadmireyoufortalkinghonesttome,JeffCampbell,"saidMelanctha."Oh,Iamalwayshonest,MissMelanctha.It'seasyenoughformealwaystobehonest,MissMelanctha.AllIgottodoisalwaysjusttosayrightoutwhatIamthinking.Icertainlyneverhavegotanyrealreasonfornotsayingitrightoutlikethattoanybody."
Theysattogether,verysilent."Icertainlydowonder,MissMelanctha,"atlastbeganJeffCampbell,"Icertainlydowonder,ifweknowveryright,youandme,
whateachotherisreallythinking.Icertainlydowonder,MissMelanctha,ifweknowatallreallywhateachothermeansbywhatwearealwayssaying.""Thatcertainlydomean,bywhatyousay,thatyouthinkIamabadone,JeffCampbell,"flashedoutMelanctha."Whyno,MissMelanctha,whysureIdon'tmeananythinglikethatatall,bywhatIamsayingtoyou.YouknowwellasIdo,MissMelanctha,IthinkbetterofyoueverydayIseeyou,andIliketotalkwithyouallthetimenow,MissMelanctha,andIcertainlydothinkwebothlikeitverywellwhenwearetogether,anditseemstomealwaysmore,youareverygoodandsweetalwaystoeverybody.Itonlyis,Iamreallysoslow-mindedinmyways,MissMelanctha,forallItalksoquicktoeverybody,andIdon'tliketosaytoyouwhatIdon'tknowforverysure,andIcertainlydon'tknowforsureIknowjustallwhatyoumeanbywhatyouarealwayssayingtome.Andyousee,MissMelanctha,that'swhatmakesmesaywhatIwasjustsayingtoyouwhenyouaskedme."
"Icertainlydothankyouagainforbeinghonesttome,Dr.Campbell,"saidMelanctha."IguessIleaveyounow,Dr.Campbell.IthinkIgointheotherroomandrestalittle.Ileaveyouhere,soperhapsifIain'thereyouwillmaybesleepandrestyourselfalittle.Goodnightnow,Dr.Campbell,IcallyouifIneedyoulatertohelpme,Dr.Campbell,Ihopeyourestwell,Dr.Campbell."
JeffCampbell,whenMelancthalefthim,satthereandhewasveryquietandjustwondered.HedidnotknowverywelljustwhatMelancthameantbywhatshewasalwayssayingtohim.HedidnotknowverywellhowmuchhereallyknewaboutMelancthaHerbert.Hewonderedifheshouldgoonbeingsomuchallthetimewithher.Hebegantothinkaboutwhatheshoulddonowwithher.JeffersonCampbellwasamanwholikedeverybodyandmanypeoplelikedverymuchtobewithhim.Womenlikedhim,hewassostrong,andgood,andunderstanding,andinnocent,andfirm,andgentle.Sometimestheyseemedtowantverymuchheshouldbewiththem.Whentheygotso,theyalwayshadmadeCampbellverytired.Sometimeshewouldplayalittlewiththem,butheneverhadhadanystrongfeelingforthem.NowwithMelancthaHerberteverythingseemeddifferent.Jeffersonwasnotsurethatheknewherejustwhathewanted.HewasnotsureheknewjustwhatitwasthatMelancthawanted.Heknewifitwasonlyplay,withMelanctha,thathedidnotwanttodoit.Butherememberedalwayshowshehadtoldhimheneverknewhowtofeelthingsverydeeply.Herememberedhowshetoldhimhewasafraidtolethimselfeverknowrealfeeling,andthentoo,mostofalltohim,shehadtoldhimhewasnotveryunderstanding.ThatalwaystroubledJeffersonverykeenly,hewantedverybadly
tobereallyunderstanding.IfJeffersononlyknewbetterjustwhatMelancthameantbywhatshesaid.Jeffersonalwayshadthoughtheknewsomethingaboutwomen.Nowhefoundthatreallyheknewnothing.HedidnotknowtheleastbitaboutMelanctha.Hedidnotknowwhatitwasrightthatheshoulddoaboutit.Hewonderedifitwasjustalittleplaythattheyweredoing.Ifitwasaplayhedidnotwanttogoonplaying,butifitwasreallythathewasnotveryunderstanding,andthatwithMelancthaHerberthecouldlearntoreallyunderstand,thenhewasverycertainhedidnotwanttobeacoward.Itwasveryhardforhimtoknowwhathewanted.Hethoughtandthought,andalwayshedidnotseemtoknowanybetterwhathewanted.Atlasthegaveupthisthinking.HefeltsureitwasonlyplaywithMelanctha."No,Icertainlywon'tgoonfoolingwithheranymorethisway,"hesaidatlastoutloudtohimself,whenhewasthroughwiththisthinking."Icertainlywillstopfooling,andbegintogoonwithmythinkingaboutmyworkandwhat'sthematterwithpeoplelike'Mis'Herbert,"andJeffersontookouthisbookfromhispocket,anddrewneartothelamp,andbeganwithsomehardscientificreading.
Jeffersonsatthereforaboutanhourreading,andhehadreallyforgottenallabouthistroublewithMelanctha'smeaning.Then'Mis'Herberthadsometroublewithherbreathing.Shewokeupandwasgasping.Dr.Campbellwenttoherandgavehersomethingthatwouldhelpher.Melancthacameoutfromtheotherroomanddidthingsashetoldher.Theytogethermade'Mis'Herbertmorecomfortableandeasy,andsoonshewasagaininherdeepsleep.
Dr.Campbellwentbacktothestepswherehehadbeensitting.Melancthacameandstoodalittlewhilebesidehim,andthenshesatdownandwatchedhimreading.Byandbytheybeganwiththeirtalking.JeffCampbellbegantofeelthatperhapsitwasalldifferent.Perhapsitwasnotjustplay,withMelanctha.Anywayhelikeditverywellthatshewaswithhim.Hebegantotellheraboutthebookhewasjustreading.
Melancthawasveryintelligentalwaysinherquestions.Jeffersonknewnowverywellthatshehadagoodmind.Theywerehavingaverygoodtime,talkingtheretogether.Andthentheybeganagaintogetquiet.
"ItcertainlywasverygoodinyoutocomebackandtalktomeMissMelanctha,"Jeffersonsaidatlasttoher,fornowhewasalmostcertain,itwasnogameshewasplaying.Melancthareallywasagoodwoman,andshehadagoodmind,andshehadareal,strongsweetness,andshecouldsurelyreallyteachhim."OhI
alwaysliketotalktoyouDr.Campbell"saidMelanctha,"Andthenyouwasonlyjusthonesttome,andIalwayslikeitwhenamanisreallyhonesttome."Thentheywereagainverysilent,sittingtheretogether,withthelampbetweenthem,thatwasalwayssmoking.MelancthabegantoleanalittlemoretowardDr.Campbell,wherehewassitting,andthenshetookhishandbetweenhertwoandpressedithard,butshesaidnothingtohim.Sheletitgothenandleanedalittlenearertohim.Jeffersonmovedalittlebutdidnotdoanythinginanswer.Atlast,"Well,"saidMelancthasharplytohim."Iwasjustthinking"beganDr.Campbellslowly,"Iwasjustwondering,"hewasbeginningtogetreadytogoonwithhistalking."Don'tyoueverstopwithyourthinkinglongenoughevertohaveanyfeelingJeffCampbell,"saidMelancthaalittlesadly."Idon'tknow,"saidJeffCampbellslowly,"Idon'tknowMissMelancthamuchaboutthat.No,Idon'tstopthinkingmuchMissMelancthaandifIcan'teverfeelwithoutstoppingthinking,IcertainlyamverymuchafraidMissMelancthathatIneverwilldomuchwiththatkindoffeeling.Sureyouain'tworriedMissMelanctha,aboutmyreallynotfeelingverymuchallthetime.IcertainlydothinkIfeelsome,MissMelanctha,eventhoughIalwaysdoitwithouteverknowinghowtostopwithmythinking.""IamcertainlyafraidIdon'tthinkmuchofyourkindoffeelingDr.Campbell.""WhyIthinkyoucertainlyarewrongMissMelancthaIcertainlydothinkIfeelasmuchforyouMissMelanctha,asyoueverfeelaboutme,sureIdo.Idon'tthinkyouknowmerightwhenyoutalklikethattome.Tellmejuststraightouthowmuchdoyoucareaboutme,MissMelanctha.""CareaboutyouJeffCampbell,"saidMelancthaslowly."IcertainlydocareforyouJeffCampbelllessthanyouarealwaysthinkingandmuchmorethanyouareeverknowing."
JeffCampbellpausedonthis,andhewassilentwiththepowerofMelanctha'smeaning.Theysattheretogetherverysilent,alongtime."WellJeffCampbell,"saidMelanctha."Oh,"saidDr.Campbellandhemovedhimselfalittle,andthentheywereverysilentalongtime."Haven'tyougotnothingtosaytomeJeffCampbell?"saidMelanctha."Whyyes,whatwasitwewerejustsayingabouttooneanother.YouseeMissMelancthaIamaveryquiet,slowmindedkindoffellow,andIamneversureIknowjustexactlywhatyoumeanbyallthatyouarealwayssayingtome.ButIdolikeyouverymuchMissMelancthaandIamverysureyougotverygoodthingsinyouallthetime.YousuredobelievewhatIamsayingtoyouMissMelanctha.""YesIbelieveitwhenyousayittome,JeffCampbell,"saidMelanctha,andthenshewassilentandtherewasmuchsadnessinit."IguessIgoinandliedownagainDr.Campbell,"saidMelanctha."Don'tgoleavemeMissMelanctha,"saidJeffCampbellquickly."Whynot,whatyou
wantofmeJeffCampbell?"saidMelanctha."Why,"saidJeffCampbellslowly,"Ijustwanttogoontalkingwithyou.Icertainlydoliketalkingaboutallkindsofthingswithyou.Youcertainlyknowthatallright,MissMelanctha.""IguessIgoliedownagainandleaveyouherewithyourthinking,"saidMelancthagently."IcertainlyamverytiredtonightDr.Campbell.GoodnightIhopeyourestwellDr.Campbell."Melancthastoopedoverhim,wherehewassitting,tosaythisgoodnight,andthen,veryquickandsudden,shekissedhimandthen,veryquickagain,shewentawayandlefthim.
Dr.Campbellsatthereveryquiet,withonlyalittlethinkingandsometimesabeginningfeeling,andhewasaloneuntilitbegantobemorning,andthenhewent,andMelancthahelpedhim,andhemade'Mis'Herbertmoreeasyinherdying.'Mis'Herbertlingeredontillaboutteno'clockthenextmorning,andthenslowlyandwithoutmuchpainshediedaway.JeffCampbellstaidtillthelastmoment,withMelanctha,tomakehermother'sdyingeasyforher.WhenitwasoverhesentinthecoloredwomanfromnextdoortohelpMelancthafixthings,andthenhewentawaytotakecareofhisotherpatients.HecamebackverysoontoMelanctha.Hehelpedhertohaveafuneralforhermother.Melancthathenwenttolivewiththegoodnaturedwoman,whohadbeenherneighbor.MelancthastillsawJeffCampbellveryoften.Thingsbegantobeverystrongbetweenthem.
Melancthanowneverwandered,unlessshewaswithJeffCampbell.Sometimessheandhewanderedagooddealtogether.JeffCampbellhadnotgotoverhiswayoftalkingtoherallthetimeaboutallthethingshewasalwaysthinking.Melancthanevertalkedmuch,now,whentheyweretogether.SometimesJeffCampbellteasedherabouthernottalkingtohim."IcertainlydidthinkMelancthayouwasagreattalkerfromthewayJaneHardenandeverybodysaidthingstome,andfromthewayIheardyoutalksomuchwhenIfirstmetyou.TellmetrueMelanctha,whydon'tyoutalkmorenowtome,perhapsitisItalksomuchIdon'tgiveyouanychancetosaythingstome,orperhapsitisyouhearmetalksomuchyoudon'tthinksomuchnowofawholelotoftalking.TellmehonestMelanctha,whydon'tyoutalkmoretome.""YouknowverywellJeffCampbell,"saidMelanctha"YoucertainlydoknowverywellJeff,youdon'tthinkreallymuch,ofmytalking.YouthinkawholelotmoreabouteverythingthanIdoJeff,andyoudon'tcaremuchwhatIgottosayaboutit.Youknowthat'struewhatIamsayingJeff,ifyouwanttoberealhonest,thewayyoualwaysarewhenIlikeyousomuch."Jefflaughedandlookedfondlyather."Idon'tsayeverIknow,youain'tright,whenyousaythingslikethattome,
Melanctha.Youseeyoualwaysliketobetalkingjustwhatyouthinkeverybodywantstobehearingfromyou,andwhenyouarelikethat,Melanctha,honest,Icertainlydon'tcareverymuchtohearyou,butsometimesyousaysomethingthatiswhatyouarereallythinking,andthenIlikeawholelottohearyoutalking."Melancthasmiled,withherstrongsweetness,onhim,andshefeltherpowerverydeeply."IcertainlyneverdotalkverymuchwhenIlikeanybodyreally,Jeff.Yousee,Jeff,itain'tmuchusetotalkaboutwhatawomanisreallyfeelinginher.Youseeallthat,Jeff,better,byandby,whenyougettoreallyfeeling.Youwon'tbesoreadythenalwayswithyourtalking.Yousee,Jeff,ifitdon'tcometruewhatIamsaying.""Idon'teversayyouain'talwaysright,Melanctha,"saidJeffCampbell."PerhapswhatIcallmythinkingain'treallysoveryunderstanding.Idon'tsay,nonevernowanymore,youain'tright,Melanctha,whenyoureallysaythingstome.PerhapsIseeitalltobeverydifferentwhenIcometoreallyseewhatyoumeanbywhatyouarealwayssayingtome.""Youisverysweetandgoodtomealways,JeffCampbell,"saidMelanctha."'DeedIcertainlyamnotgoodtoyou,Melanctha.Don'tIbotheryouallthetimewithmytalking,butIreallydolikeyouawholelot,Melanctha.""AndIlikeyou,JeffCampbell,andyoucertainlyaremother,andfather,andbrother,andsister,andchildandeverything,alwaystome.Ican'tsaymuchabouthowgoodyoubeentome,JeffCampbell,Ineverknewanymanwhowasgoodanddidn'tdothingsugly,beforeImetyoutotakecareofme,JeffCampbell.Good-by,Jeff,comeseemeto-morrow,whenyougetthroughwithyourworking.""SureMelanctha,youknowthatalready,"saidJeffCampbell,andthenhewentawayandlefther.
ThesemonthshadbeenanuncertaintimeforJeffCampbell.HeneverknewhowmuchhereallyknewaboutMelanctha.Hesawhernowforlongtimesandveryoften.Hewasbeginningalwaysmoreandmoretolikeher.Buthedidnotseemtohimselftoknowverymuchabouther.Hewasbeginningtofeelhecouldalmosttrustthegoodnessinher.Butthen,always,really,hewasnotverysureabouther.Melancthaalwayshadwaysthatmadehimfeeluncertainwithher,andyethewassonear,inhisfeelingforher.Henowneverthoughtaboutallthisinrealwordsanymore.Hewasalwayslettingitfightitselfoutinhim.Hewasnownevertakinganypartinthisfightingthatwasalwaysgoingoninsidehim.
JeffalwayslovednowtobewithMelancthaandyethealwayshatedtogotoher.Somehowhewasalwaysafraidwhenhewastogotoher,andyethehadmadehimselfverycertainthatherehewouldnotbeacoward.Heneverfeltanyofthisbeingafraid,whenhewaswithher.Thentheyalwayswereverytrue,andnearto
oneanother.Butalwayswhenhewasgoingtoher,Jeffwouldlikeanythingthatcouldhappenthatwouldkeephimalittlelongerfromher.
Itwasaveryuncertaintime,allthesemonths,forJeffCampbell.Hedidnotknowverywellwhatitwasthathereallywanted.HewasverycertainthathedidnotknowverywellwhatitwasthatMelancthawanted.JeffCampbellhadalwaysallhislifelovedtobewithpeople,andhehadlovedallhislifealwaystobethinking,buthewasstillonlyagreatboy,wasJeffCampbell,andhehadneverbeforehadanyofthisfunnykindoffeeling.Now,thisevening,whenhewasfreetogoandseeMelanctha,hetalkedtoanybodyhecouldfindwhowoulddetainhim,andsoitwasverylatewhenatlasthecametothehousewhereMelancthawaswaitingtoreceivehim.
JeffcameintowhereMelancthawaswaitingforhim,andhetookoffhishatandheavycoat,andthendrewupachairandsatdownbythefire.Itwasverycoldthatnight,andJeffsatthere,andrubbedhishandsandtriedtowarmthem.Hehadonlysaid"Howdoyoudo"toMelanctha,hehadnotyetbeguntotalktoher.Melancthasatthere,bythefire,veryquiet.Theheatgaveaprettypinkglowtoherpaleyellowandattractiveface.Melancthasatinalowchair,herhands,withtheirlong,flutteringfingers,alwaysreadytoshowherstrongfeeling,werelyingquietinherlap.MelancthawasverytiredwithherwaitingforJeffCampbell.Shesatthereveryquietandjustwatching.Jeffwasarobust,dark,healthy,cheerynegro.Hishandswerefirmandkindlyandunimpassioned.Hetouchedwomenalwayswithhisbighands,likeabrother.Healwayshadawarmbroadglow,likesouthernsunshine.Heneverhadanythingmysteriousinhim.Hewasopen,hewaspleasant,hewascheery,andalwayshewanted,asMelancthaoncehadwanted,alwaysnowhetoowantedreallytounderstand.
Jeffsattherethiseveninginhischairandwassilentalongtime,warminghimselfwiththepleasantfire.HedidnotlookatMelancthawhowaswatching.Hesatthereandjustlookedintothefire.Atfirsthisdark,openfacewassmiling,andhewasrubbingthebackofhisblack-brownhandoverhismouthtohelphiminhissmiling.Thenhewasthinking,andhefrownedandrubbedhisheadhard,tohelphiminhisthinking.Thenhesmiledagain,butnowhissmilingwasnotverypleasant.Hissmilewasnowwaveringontheedgeofscorning.Hissmilechangedmoreandmore,andthenhehadalookasifheweredeeplydown,alldisgusted.Nowhisfacewasdarker,andhewasbitterinhissmiling,andhebegan,withoutlookingfromthefire,totalktoMelanctha,whowasnowverytensewithherwatching.
"MelancthaHerbert",beganJeffCampbell,"IcertainlyafterallthistimeIknowyou,Icertainlydoknowlittle,realaboutyou.Yousee,Melanctha,it'slikethiswaywithme";Jeffwasfrowning,withhisthinkingandlookingveryhardintothefire,"Youseeit'sjustthisway,withmenow,Melanctha.Sometimesyouseemlikeonekindofagirltome,andsometimesyouarelikeagirlthatisalldifferenttome,andthetwokindsofgirlsiscertainlyverydifferenttoeachother,andIcan'tseeanywaytheyseemtohavemuchtodo,tobetogetherinyou.Theycertainlydon'tseemtobemademuchlikeasiftheycouldhaveanythingreallytodowitheachother.SometimesyouareagirltomeIcertainlyneverwouldbetrusting,andyougotalaughthensohard,itjustrattles,andyougotwayssobad,Ican'tbelieveyoumeanthemhardly,andyetallthatIjustbeensayingiscertainlyyouonewayIoftenseeyou,andit'swhatyourmotherandJaneHardenalwaysfoundyou,andit'swhatmakesmehateso,tocomenearyou.Andthencertainlysometimes,Melanctha,youcertainlyisalladifferentcreature,andsometimesthentherecomesoutinyouwhatiscertainlyathing,likearealbeauty.Icertainly,Melanctha,nevercantelljusthowitisthatitcomessolovely.Seemstomewhenitcomesit'sgotarealsweetness,thatismorewonderfulthanapureflower,andagentleness,thatismoretenderthanthesunshine,andakindness,thatmakesonefeellikesummer,andthenawaytoknow,thatmakeseverythingallover,andallthat,anditdoescertainlyseemtoberealforthelittlewhileit'slasting,forthelittlewhilethatIcansurelyseeit,anditgivesmetofeellikeIcertainlyhadgotrealreligion.AndthenwhenIgotrichwithsuchafeeling,comesallthatothergirl,andthenthatseemsmorelikelythatthatisreallyyouwhat'shonest,andthenIcertainlydogetawfulafraidtocometoyou,andIcertainlyneverdofeelIcouldbeverytrustingwithyou.AndthenIcertainlydon'tknowanythingatallaboutyou,andIcertainlydon'tknowwhichisarealMelancthaHerbert,andIcertainlydon'tfeelnolonger,Ieverwanttotalktoyou.Tellmehonest,Melanctha,whichisthewaythatisyoureally,whenyouarealone,andreal,andallhonest.Tellme,Melanctha,forIcertainlydowanttoknowit."
Melancthadidnotmakehimanyanswer,andJeff,withoutlookingather,afteralittlewhile,wentonwithhistalking."Andthen,Melanctha,sometimesyoucertainlydoseemsortofcruel,andnottocareaboutpeoplebeinghurtorintrouble,somethingsohardaboutyouitmakesmesometimesrealnervous,sometimessomehowlikeyoualways,likeyourbeing,with'Mis'Herbert.Yousurediddoeverythingthatanywomancould,Melanctha,Icertainlyneverdidseeanybodydothingsanybetter,andyet,Idon'tknowhowtosayjustwhatImean,Melanctha,buttherewassomethingawfulhardaboutyourfeeling,so
differentfromthewayI'malwaysusedtoseegoodpeoplefeeling,andsoitwasthewayJaneHardenand'Mis'Herberttalkedwhentheyfeltstrongtotalkaboutyou,andyet,Melanctha,somehowIfeelsoreallyneartoyou,andyoucertainlyhavegotanawfulwonderful,strongkindofsweetness.Icertainlywouldliketoknowforsure,Melanctha,whetherIgotreallyanythingtobeafraidfor.Icertainlydidthinkonce,Melanctha,Iknewsomethingaboutallkindsofwomen.Icertainlyknownowreally,howIdon'tknowanythingsureatallaboutyou,Melanctha,thoughIbeenwithyousolong,andsomanytimesforwholehourswithyou,andIlikesoawfulmuchtobewithyou,andIcanalwayssayanythingIamthinkingtoyou.Icertainlydoawfulwish,Melanctha,Ireallywasmoreunderstanding.Icertainlydothatsame,Melanctha."
Jeffstoppednowandlookedharderthanbeforeintothefire.Hisfacechangedfromhisthinkingbackintothatlookthatwassolikeasifhewasallthroughandthroughhim,disgustedwithwhathehadbeenthinking.Hesattherealongtime,veryquiet,andthenslowly,somehow,itcamestronglytohimthatMelancthaHerbert,therebesidehim,wastremblingandfeelingitalltobeverybitter."Why,Melanctha,"criedJeffCampbell,andhegotupandputhisarmaroundherlikeabrother."IstooditjustsolongasIcouldbearit,Jeff,"sobbedMelanctha,andthenshegaveherselfaway,tohermisery,"Iwasawfulready,Jeff,toletyousayanythingyoulikedthatgaveyouanypleasure.Youcouldsayallaboutmewhatyouwanted,Jeff,andIwouldtrytostandit,soasyouwouldbesuretobelikingit,Jeff,butyouwastoocrueltome.Whenyoudothatkindofseeinghowmuchyoucanmakeawomansuffer,yououghttogiveheralittlerest,oncesometimes,Jeff.Theycan'tanyofusstanditsoforalways,Jeff.IcertainlydidstanditjustaslongasIcould,soyouwouldlikeit,butI,--ohJeff,youwentontoolongto-nightJeff.Icouldn'tstanditnotaminutelongerthewayyouwasdoingofit,Jeff.Whenyouwanttobeseeinghowthewayawomanisreallymadeof,Jeff,youshouldn'tneverbesocruel,nevertobethinkinghowmuchshecanstand,thestrongwayyoualwaysdoit,Jeff.""Why,Melanctha,"criedJeffCampbell,inhishorror,andthenhewasverytendertoher,andlikeagood,strong,gentlebrotherinhissoothingofher,"WhyMelancthadear,Icertainlydon'tnowseewhatitisyoumeanbywhatyouwasjustsayingtome.WhyMelanctha,youpoorlittlegirl,youcertainlyneverdidbelieveIeverknewIwasgivingyourealsuffering.Why,Melanctha,howcouldyoueverlikemeifyouthoughtIevercouldbesolikearedIndian?""Ididn'tjustknow,Jeff,"andMelancthanestledtohim,"Icertainlyneverdidknowjustwhatitwasyouwantedtobedoingwithme,butIcertainlywantedyoushoulddoanythingyouliked,youwanted,tomakememoreunderstandingforyou.I
triedawfulhardtostandit,Jeff,soasyoucoulddoanythingyouwantedwithme.""GoodLordandJesusChrist,Melanctha!"criedJeffCampbell."Icertainlynevercanknowanythingaboutyoureal,Melanctha,youpoorlittlegirl,"andJeffdrewherclosertohim,"ButIcertainlydoadmireandtrustyouawholelotnow,Melanctha.Icertainlydo,forIcertainlyneverdidthinkIwashurtingyouatall,Melanctha,bythethingsIalwaysbeensayingtoyou.Melanctha,youpoorlittle,sweet,tremblingbabynow,begood,Melanctha.Icertainlycan'tevertellyouhowawfulsorryIamtohurtyouso,Melanctha.IdoanythingIcantoshowyouhowIneverdidmeantohurtyou,Melanctha.""Iknow,Iknow,"murmuredMelanctha,clingingtohim."Iknowyouareagoodman,Jeff.Ialwaysknowthat,nomatterhowmuchyoucanhurtme.""Isuredon'tseehowyoucanthinkso,Melanctha,ifyoucertainlydidthinkIwastryingsohardjusttohurtyou.""Hush,youareonlyagreatbigboy,JeffCampbell,andyoudon'tknownothingyetaboutrealhurting,"saidMelanctha,smilingupthroughhercrying,athim."Yousee,Jeff,IneverknewanybodyIcouldknowrealwellandyetkeeponalwaysrespecting,tillIcametoknowyourealwell,Jeff.""Isuredon'tunderstandthatverywell,Melanctha.Iain'tabitbetterthanjustlotsofothersofthecoloredpeople.Youcertainlyhavebeenunluckywiththekindyoumetbeforeme,that'sall,Melanctha.Icertainlyain'tverygood,Melanctha.""Hush,Jeff,youdon'tknownothingatallaboutwhatyouare,"saidMelanctha."Perhapsyouareright,Melanctha.Idon'tsayeveranymore,youain'tright,whenyousaythingstome,Melanctha,"andJeffersonsighed,andthenhesmiled,andthentheywerequietalongtimetogether,andthenaftersomemorekindness,itwaslate,andthenJefflefther.
JeffCampbell,allthesemonths,hadnevertoldhisgoodmotheranythingaboutMelancthaHerbert.Somehowhealwayskepthisseeinghersomuchnow,tohimself.Melancthatoohadneverhadanyofherotherfriendsmeethim.Theyalwaysactedtogether,thesetwo,asiftheirbeingsomuchtogetherwasasecret,butreallytherewasnoonewhowouldhavemadeitanyharderforthem.JeffCampbelldidnotreallyknowhowithadhappenedthattheyweresosecret.HedidnotknowifitwaswhatMelancthawanted.Jeffhadneverspokentoheratallaboutit.Itjustseemedasifitwerewellunderstoodbetweenthemthatnobodyshouldknowthattheyweresomuchtogether.Itwasasifitwereagreedbetweenthem,thattheyshouldbealonebythemselvesalways,andsotheywouldworkouttogetherwhattheymeantbywhattheywerealwayssayingtoeachother.
JeffersonoftenspoketoMelancthaabouthisgoodmother.HeneversaidanythingaboutwhetherMelancthawouldwanttomeether.Jeffersonneverquiteunderstoodwhyallthishadhappenedso,insecret.HeneverreallyknewwhatitwasthatMelancthareallywanted.Inallthesewayshejust,byhisnature,did,whathesortoffeltMelancthawanted.Andsotheycontinuedtobealoneandmuchtogether,andnowithadcometobethespringtime,andnowtheyhadallout-doorstowander.
Theyhadmanydaysnowwhentheywereveryhappy.JeffeverydayfoundthathereallylikedMelancthabetter.Nowsurelyhewasbeginningtohavereal,deepfeelinginhim.AndstillhelovedtotalkhimselfouttoMelanctha,andhelovedtotellherhowgooditallwastohim,andhowhealwayslovedtobewithher,andtotellheralwaysallaboutit.Oneday,nowJeffarranged,thatSundaytheywouldgooutandhaveahappy,longdayinthebrightfields,andtheywouldbealldayjustalonetogether.Thedaybefore,JeffwascalledintoseeJaneHarden.
JaneHardenwasverysickalmostalldayandJeffCampbelldideverythinghecouldtomakeherbetter.AfterawhileJanebecamemoreeasyandthenshebegantotalktoJeffaboutMelanctha.JanedidnotknowhowmuchJeffwasnowseeingofMelanctha.JanethesedaysneversawMelanctha.JanebegantotalkofthetimewhenshefirstknewMelanctha.JanebegantotellhowinthesedaysMelancthahadverylittleunderstanding.Shewasyoungthenandshehadagoodmind.JaneHardenneverwouldsayMelancthaneverhadagoodmind,butinthosedaysMelancthacertainlyhadnotbeenveryunderstanding.JanebegantoexplaintoJeffCampbellhowineveryway,sheJane,hadtaughtMelanctha.
JanethenbegantoexplainhoweagerMelancthaalwayshadbeenforallthatkindoflearning.JaneHardenbegantotellhowtheyhadwandered.JanebegantotellhowMelancthaoncehadlovedher,JaneHarden.JanebegantotellJeffofallthebadwaysMelancthahadusedwithher.JanebegantotellallsheknewofthewayMelancthahadgoneon,aftershehadlefther.Janebegantotellallaboutthedifferentmen,whiteonesandblacks,Melancthaneverwasparticularaboutthingslikethat,JaneHardensaidinpassing,notthatMelancthawasabadone,andshehadagoodmind,JaneHardenneverwouldsaythatshehadn't,butMelancthaalwayslikedtousealltheunderstandingwaysthatJanehadtaughther,andsoshewantedtoknoweverything,always,thattheyknewhowtoteachher.
JanewasbeginningtomakeJeffCampbellseemuchclearer.JaneHardendidnotknowwhatitwasthatshewasreallydoingwithallthistalking.JanedidnotknowwhatJeffwasfeeling.Janewasalwayshonestwhenshewastalking,andnowitjusthappenedshehadstartedtalkingaboutheroldtimeswithMelancthaHerbert.JeffunderstoodverywellthatitwasalltruewhatJanewassaying.JeffCampbellwasbeginningnowtoseeveryclearly.Hewasbeginningtofeelverysickinsidehim.HeknewnowmanythingsMelancthahadnotyettaughthim.Hefeltverysickandhisheartwasveryheavy,andMelancthacertainlydidseemveryuglytohim.Jeffwasatlastbeginningtoknowwhatitwastohavedeepfeeling.HetookcarealittlelongerofJaneHarden,andthenhewenttohisotherpatients,andthenhewenthometohisroom,andhesatdownandatlasthehadstoppedthinking.Hewasverysickandhisheartwasveryheavyinhim.Hewasverytiredandalltheworldwasverydrearytohim,andheknewverywellnowatlast,hewasreallyfeeling.Heknewitnowfromthewayithurthim.Heknewverywellthatnowatlasthewasbeginningtoreallyhaveunderstanding.Thenextdayhehadarrangedtospend,longandhappy,allaloneinthespringfieldswithMelanctha,wandering.Hewroteheranoteandsaidhecouldnotgo,hehadasickpatientandwouldhavetostayhomewithhim.Forthreedaysafter,hemadenosigntoMelanctha.Hewasverysickallthesedays,andhisheartwasveryheavyinhim,andheknewverywellthatnowatlasthehadlearnedwhatitwastohavedeepfeeling.
AtlastonedayhegotaletterfromMelanctha."Icertainlydon'trightlyunderstandwhatyouaredoingnowtomeJeffCampbell,"wroteMelancthaHerbert."Icertainlydon'trightlyunderstandJeffCampbellwhyyouain'tallthesedaysbeennearme,butIcertainlydosupposeit'sjustanotheroneofthequeerkindofwaysyouhavetobegood,andrepentingofyourselfallofa
sudden.Icertainlydon'tsaytoyouJeffCampbellIadmireverymuchthewayyoutaketobegoodJeffCampbell.IamsorryDr.Campbell,butIcertainlyamafraidIcan'tstanditnomorefromyouthewayyouhavebeenjustacting.Icertainlycan'tstanditanymorethewayyouactwhenyouhavebeenasifyouthoughtIwasalwaysgoodenoughforanybodytohavewiththem,andthenyouactasifIwasabadoneandyoualwaysjustdespiseme.IcertainlyamafraidDr.CampbellIcan'tstanditanymorelikethat.Icertainlycan'tstanditanymorethewayyouarealwayschanging.IcertainlyamafraidDr.Campbellyouain'tmanenoughtodeservetohaveanybodycaresomuchtobealwayswithyou.IcertainlyamawfulafraidDr.CampbellIdon'teveranymorewanttoreallyseeyou.Good-byDr.CampbellIwishyoualwaystoberealhappy."
JeffCampbellsatinhisroom,veryquiet,alongtime,afterhegotthroughreadingthisletter.Hesatverystillandfirsthewasveryangry.Asifhe,too,didnotknowverybadlywhatitwastosufferkeenly.AsifhehadnotbeenverystrongtostaywithMelancthawhenheneverknewwhatitwasthatshereallywanted.Heknewhewasveryrighttobeangry,heknewhereallyhadnotbeenacoward.HeknewMelancthahaddonemanythingsitwasveryhardforhimtoforgiveher.Heknewverywellhehaddonehisbesttobekind,andtotrusther,andtobeloyaltoher,andnow;--andthenJeffsuddenlyrememberedhowonenightMelancthahadbeensostrongtosuffer,andhefeltcomebacktohimthesweetnessinher,andthenJeffknewthatreally,healwaysforgaveher,andthatreally,itallwasthathewassosorryhehadhurther,andhewantedtogostraightawayandbeacomforttoher.Jeffknewverywell,thatwhatJaneHardenhadtoldhimaboutMelancthaandherbadways,hadbeenatruestory,andyethewantedverybadlytobewithMelanctha.Perhapsshecouldteachhimtoreallyunderstanditbetter.Perhapsshecouldteachhimhowitcouldbealltrue,andyethowhecouldberighttobelieveinherandtotrusther.
Jeffsatdownandbeganhisanswertoher."DearMelanctha,"Jeffwrotetoher."Icertainlydon'tthinkyougotitalljustrightintheletter,Ijustbeenreading,thatyoujustwroteme.Icertainlydon'tthinkyouarejustfairorveryunderstandingtoallIhavetosuffertokeepstraightontoreallyalwaystobelieveinyouandtrustyou.Icertainlydon'tthinkyoualwaysarefairtorememberrighthowharditisforaman,whothinkslikeIwasalwaysthinking,nottothinkyoudothingsverybadveryoften.Icertainlydon'tthink,Melanctha,Iain'trightwhenIwassoangrywhenIgotyourlettertome.Iknowverywell,Melanctha,thatwithyou,Ineverhavebeenacoward.Ifinditveryhard,andIneversaiditanydifferent,itishardtometobeunderstanding,andtoknow
reallywhatitisyouwanted,andwhatitisyouaremeaningbywhatyouarealwayssayingtome.Idon'tsayever,itain'tveryhardforyoutobestandingthatIain'tveryquicktobefollowingwhicheverwaythatyouarealwaysleading.Youknowverywell,Melanctha,ithurtsmeverybadandwayinsidemewhenIhavetohurtyou,butIalwaysgottoberealhonestwithyou.Thereain'tnootherwayformetobe,withyou,andIknowverywellithurtsmetoo,awholelot,whenIcan'tfollowsoquickasyouwouldhaveme.Idon'tliketobeacowardtoyou,Melanctha,andIdon'tliketosaywhatIain'tmeaningtoyou.Andifyoudon'twantmetodothingshonest,Melanctha,whyIcan'tevertalktoyou,andyouarerightwhenyousay,youneveragainwanttoseeme,butifyougotanyrealsenseofwhatIalwaysbeenfeelingwithyou,andifyougotanyrightsense,Melanctha,ofhowhardIbeentryingtothinkandtofeelrightforyou,Iwillbeverygladtocomeandseeyou,andtobeginagainwithyou.Idon'tsayanythingnow,Melanctha,abouthowbadIbeenthisweek,sinceIsawyou,Melanctha.Itdon'teverdoanygoodtotalksuchthingsover.AllIknowisIdomybest,Melanctha,toyou,andIdon'tsay,no,never,IcandoanydifferentthanjusttobehonestandcomeasfastasIthinkit'srightformetobegoinginthewaysyouteachmetobereallyunderstanding.Sodon'ttalkanymorefoolishness,Melanctha,aboutmyalwayschanging.Idon'tchange,never,andIgottodowhatIthinkisrightandhonesttome,andInevertoldyouanydifferent,andyoualwaysknewitverywellthatIalwayswoulddojustso.Ifyoulikemetocomeandseeyouto-morrow,andgooutwithyou,Iwillbeverygladto,Melanctha.Letmeknowrightaway,whatitisyouwantmetobedoingforyou,Melanctha.
Verytrulyyours,JeffersonCampbell
"Pleasecometome,Jeff."Melancthawrotebackforheranswer.JeffwentveryslowlytoMelanctha,gladashewas,stilltobegoingtoher.Melancthacame,veryquick,tomeethim,whenshesawhimfromwhereshehadbeenwatchingforhim.Theywentintothehousetogether.Theywereverygladtobetogether.Theywereverygoodtooneanother.
"Icertainlydidthink,Melanctha,thistimealmostreally,youneverdidwantmetocometoyouatallanymoretoseeyou,"saidJeffCampbelltoher,whentheyhadbegunagainwiththeirtalkingtoeachother."Youcertainlydidmakemethink,perhapsreallythistime,Melanctha,itwasallover,mybeingwithyouever,andIwasverymad,andverysorry,too,Melanctha."
"Wellyoucertainlywasverybadtome,JeffCampbell,"saidMelanctha,fondly.
"Icertainlyneverdosayanymoreyouain'talwaysright,Melanctha,"Jeffansweredandhewasveryreadynowwithcheerfullaughing,"Icertainlyneverdosaythatanymore,Melanctha,ifIknowit,butstill,really,Melanctha,honest,IthinkperhapsIwasn'trealbadtoyouanymorethanyoujustneededfromme."
JeffheldMelancthainhisarmsandkissedher.Hesighedthenandwasverysilentwithher."Well,Melanctha,"hesaidatlast,withsomemorelaughing,"well,Melanctha,anywayyoucan'tsayeveritain't,ifweareeverfriendsgoodandreally,youcan'tsay,no,never,butthatwecertainlyhaveworkedrighthardtogetbothofustogetherforit,soweshallsuredeserveitthen,ifwecaneverreallygetit.""Wecertainlyhaveworkedrealhard,Jeff,Ican'tsaythatain'tallrightthewayyousayit,"saidMelanctha."Icertainlynevercandenyit,Jeff,whenIfeelsowornwithallthetroubleyoubeenmakingforme,youbadboy,Jeff,"andthenMelancthasmiledandthenshesighed,andthenshewasverysilentwithhim.
AtlastJeffwastogoaway.Theystoodthereonthestepsforalongtimetryingtosaygood-bytoeachother.AtlastJeffmadehimselfreallysayit.Atlasthemadehimself,thathewentdownthestepsandwentaway.
OnthenextSundaytheyarranged,theyweretohavethelonghappydayofwanderingthattheyhadlostlasttimebyJaneHarden'stalking.NotthatMelancthaHerberthadheardyetofJaneHarden'stalking.
JeffsawMelancthaeverydaynow.Jeffwasalittleuncertainallthistimeinsidehim,forhehadneveryettoldtoMelancthawhatitwasthathadsonearlymadehimreallywanttoleaveher.Jeffknewthatforhim,itwasnotrightheshouldnottellher.Heknewtheycouldonlyhaverealpeacebetweenthemwhenhehadbeenhonest,andhadreallytoldher.OnthislongSundayJeffwascertainthathewouldreallytellher.
Theywereveryhappyallthatdayintheirwandering.Theyhadtakenthingsalongtoeattogether.Theysatinthebrightfieldsandtheywerehappy,theywanderedinthewoodsandtheywerehappy.Jeffalwayslovedinthiswaytowander.Jeffalwayslovedtowatcheverythingasitwasgrowing,andhelovedallthecolorsinthetreesandontheground,andthelittle,new,brightcolored
bugshefoundinthemoistgroundandinthegrasshelovedtolieonandinwhichhewasalwayssobusysearching.Jefflovedeverythingthatmovedandthatwasstill,andthathadcolor,andbeauty,andrealbeing.
Jefflovedverymuchthisdaywhiletheywerewandering.Healmostforgotthathehadanytroublewithhimstillinsidehim.JefflovedtobetherewithMelancthaHerbert.Shewasalwayssosympathetictohimforthewayshelistenedtoeverythinghefoundandtoldher,thewayshefelthisjoyinallthisbeing,thewaysheneversaidshewantedanythingdifferentfromthewaytheyhadit.Itwascertainlyabusyandahappyday,thistheirfirstlongdayofreallywandering.
Latertheyweretired,andMelancthasatdownontheground,andJeffthrewhimselfhisfulllengthbesideher.Jefflaythere,veryquiet,andthenhepressedherhandandkisseditandmurmuredtoher,"Youcertainlyareverygoodtome,Melanctha."Melancthafeltitverydeepanddidnotanswer.Jefflaytherealongtime,lookingupabovehim.Hewascountingallthelittleleaveshesawabovehim.Hewasfollowingallthelittlecloudswithhiseyesastheysailedpasthim.Hewatchedallthebirdsthatflewhighbeyondhim,andallthetimeJeffknewhemusttelltoMelancthawhatitwasheknewnow,thatwhichJaneHarden,justaweekago,hadtoldhim.Heknewverywellthatforhimitwascertainthathehadtosayit.Itwashard,butforJeffCampbelltheonlywaytoloseitwastosayit,theonlywaytoknowMelancthareally,wastotellherallthestrugglehehadmadetoknowher,totellhersoshecouldhelphimtounderstandhistroublebetter,tohelphimsothatneveragainhecouldhaveanywaytodoubther.
Jefflaytherealongtime,veryquiet,alwayslookingupabovehim,andyetfeelingveryclosenowtoMelanctha.Atlastheturnedalittletowardher,tookherhandscloserinhistomakehimfeelitstronger,andthenveryslowly,forthewordscameveryhardforhim,slowlyhebeganhistalktoher.
"Melanctha,"beganJeff,veryslowly,"Melanctha,itain'trightIshouldn'ttellyouwhyIwentawaylastweekandalmostnevergotthechanceagaintoseeyou.JaneHardenwassick,andIwentintotakecareofher.Shebegantotelleverythingsheeverknewaboutyou.Shedidn'tknowhowwellnowIknowyou.Ididn'ttellhernottogoontalking.Ilistenedwhileshetoldmeeverythingaboutyou.Icertainlyfounditveryhardwithwhatshetoldme.Iknowshewastalkingtruthineverythingshesaidaboutyou.Iknewyouhadbeenfreeinyourways,Melanctha,IknewyoulikedtogetexcitementthewayIalwayshatetoseethe
coloredpeopletakeit.Ididn'tknow,tillIheardJaneHardensayit,youhaddonethingssobad,Melanctha.WhenJaneHardentoldme,Igotverysick,Melanctha.Icouldn'tbearhardly,tothink,perhapsIwasjustanotherlikethemtoyou,Melanctha.Iwaswrongnottotrustyouperhaps,Melanctha,butitdidmakethingsveryuglytome.Itrytobehonesttoyou,Melanctha,thewayyousayyoureallywantitfromme."
MelancthadrewherhandsfromJeffCampbell.Shesatthere,andtherewasdeepscorninheranger.
"Ifyouwasn'tallthroughjustselfishandnothingelse,JeffCampbell,youwouldtakecareyouwouldn'thavetotellmethingslikethis,JeffCampbell."
Jeffwassilentalittle,andhewaitedbeforehegavehisanswer.ItwasnotthepowerofMelanctha'swordsthatheldhim,for,forthem,hehadhisanswer,itwasthepowerofthemoodthatfilledMelanctha,andforthathehadnoanswer.Atlasthebrokethroughthisawe,withhisslowfightingresolution,andhebegantogivehisanswer.
"Idon'tsayever,Melanctha,"hebegan,"itwouldn'thavebeenmorerightformetostopJaneHardeninhertalkingandtocometoyoutohaveyoutellmewhatyouwerewhenIneverknewyou.Idon'tsayit,nonevertoyou,thatthatwouldnothavebeentherightwayformetodo,Melanctha.ButIcertainlyamwithoutanykindofdoubting,Icertainlydoknowforsure,Ihadagoodrighttoknowaboutwhatyouwereandyourwaysandyourtryingtouseyourunderstanding,everykindofwayyoucouldtogetyourlearning.Icertainlydidhavearighttoknowthingslikethataboutyou,Melanctha.Idon'tsayitever,Melanctha,andIsayitveryoften,Idon'tsayeverIshouldn'thavestoppedJaneHardeninhertalkingandcometoyouandaskedyouyourselftotellmeallaboutit,butIguessIwantedtokeepmyselffromhowmuchitwouldhurtmemore,tohaveyouyourselfsayittome.PerhapsitwasIwantedtokeepyoufromhavingithurtyousomuchmore,havingyoutohavetotellittome.Idon'tknow,Idon'tsayitwastohelpyoufrombeinghurtmost,ortohelpme.PerhapsIwasacowardtoletJaneHardentellme'steadofcomingstraighttoyou,tohaveyoutellme,butIcertainlyamsure,Melanctha,Icertainlyhadarighttoknowsuchthingsaboutyou.Idon'tsayitever,ever,Melanctha,Ihadn'tthejustrighttoknowthosethingsaboutyou."Melancthalaughedherharshlaugh."Youneedn'thavebeenundernokindofworry,JeffCampbell,aboutwhetheryoushouldhaveaskedme.Youcouldhaveasked,itwouldn'thavehurtnothing.Icertainly
neverwouldhavetoldyounothing.""Iamnotsosureofthat,Melanctha,"saidJeffCampbell."Icertainlydothinkyouwouldhavetoldme.IcertainlydothinkIcouldmakeyoufeelitrighttotellme.IcertainlydothinkallIdidwrongwastoletJaneHardentellme.IcertainlydoknowIneverdidwrong,tolearnwhatshetoldme.Icertainlyknowverywell,Melanctha,ifIhadcomeheretoyou,youwouldhavetolditalltome,Melanctha."
Hewassilent,andthisstrugglelaythere,strong,betweenthem.Itwasastruggle,suretobegoingonalwaysbetweenthem.Itwasastrugglethatwasassurealwaystobegoingonbetweenthem,astheirmindsandheartsalwaysweretohavedifferentwaysofworking.
AtlastMelancthatookhishand,leanedoverhimandkissedhim."Isureamveryfondofyou,JeffCampbell,"Melancthawhisperedtohim.
NowforalittletimetherewasnotanykindoftroublebetweenJeffCampbellandMelancthaHerbert.Theywerealwaystogethernowforlongtimes,andveryoften.Theygotmuchjoynow,bothofthem,frombeingallthetimetogether.
Itwassummernow,andtheyhadwarmsunshinetowander.Itwassummernow,andJeffCampbellhadmoretimetowander,forcoloredpeoplenevergetsicksomuchinthesummer.Itwassummernow,andtherewasalovelysilenceeverywhere,andallthenoises,too,thattheyheardaroundthemwerelovelyones,andaddedtothejoy,inthesewarmdays,theylovedsomuchtobetogether.
Theytalkedsometoeachotherinthesedays,didJeffCampbellandMelancthaHerbert,butalwaysinthesedaystheirtalkingmoreandmorewaslikeitalwaysiswithreallovers.Jeffdidnottalksomuchnowaboutwhathebeforealwayshadbeenthinking.SometimesJeffwouldbe,asifhewasjustwakingfromhimselftobewithMelanctha,andthenhewouldfindhehadbeenreallyallthelongtimewithher,andhehadreallyneverneededtobedoinganythinking.
ItwassometimespurejoyJeffwouldbetalkingtoMelanctha,inthesewarmdayshelovedsomuchtowanderwithher.SometimesJeffwouldloseallhimselfinastrongfeeling.Veryoftennow,andalwayswithmorejoyinhisfeeling,hewouldfindhimself,hedidnotknowhoworwhatitwashehadbeenthinking.AndMelancthaalwayslovedverywelltomakehimfeelit.Shealwaysnowlaughedalittleathim,andwentbackalittleinhimtohisbefore,always
thinking,andsheteasedhimwithhisalwaysnowbeingsogoodwithherinhisfeeling,andthenshewouldsowellandfreely,andwithherpure,strongwaysofreaching,shewouldgivehimallthelovesheknewnowverywell,howmuchhealwayswantedtobesurehereallyhadit.
AndJefftookitstraightnow,andhelovedit,andhefelt,strong,thejoyofallthisbeing,anditswelledoutfullinsidehim,andhepoureditalloutbacktoherinfreedom,intenderkindness,andinjoy,andingentlebrotherfondling.AndMelancthalovedhimforitalways,herJeffCampbellnow,whoneverdidthingsugly,forher,likeallthemenshealwaysknewbeforealwayshadbeendoingtoher.Andtheyloveditalways,moreandmore,together,withthisnewfeelingtheyhadnow,intheselongsummerdayssowarm;they,alwaystogethernow,justthesetwosodear,moreandmoretoeachotheralways,andthesummereveningswhentheywandered,andthenoisesinthefullstreets,andthemusicoftheorgans,andthedancing,andthewarmsmellofthepeople,andofdogsandofthehorses,andallthejoyofthestrong,sweetpungent,dirty,moist,warmnegrosouthernsummer.
Everydaynow,Jeffseemedtobecomingnearer,tobereallyloving.Everydaynow,Melancthapoureditallouttohim,withmorefreedom.Everydaynow,theyseemedtobehavingmoreandmore,bothtogether,ofthisstrong,rightfeeling.Moreandmoreeverydaynowtheyseemedtoknowmorereally,whatitwaseachotheronewasalwaysfeeling.MoreandmorenoweverydayJefffoundinhimself,hefeltmoretrusting.Moreandmoreeverydaynow,hedidnotthinkanythinginwordsaboutwhathewasalwaysdoing.EverydaynowmoreandmoreMelancthawouldletouttoJeffherreal,strongfeeling.
Onedaytherehadbeenmuchjoybetweenthem,morethantheyeveryethadhadwiththeirnewfeeling.Allthedaytheyhadlostthemselvesinwarmwandering.Nowtheywerelyingthereandresting,withagreen,bright,light-fleckedworldaroundthem.
Whatwasitthatnowreallyhappenedtothem?WhatwasitthatMelancthadid,thatmadeeverythinggetalluglyforthem?WhatwasitthatMelancthafeltthen,thatmadeJeffrememberallthefeelinghehadhadinhimwhenJaneHardentoldhimhowMelancthahadlearnedtobesoveryunderstanding?Jeffdidnotknowhowitwasthatithadhappenedtohim.Itwasallgreen,andwarm,andverylovelytohim,andnowMelancthasomehowhadmadeitallsouglyforhim.WhatwasitMelancthawasnowdoingwithhim?Whatwasitheusedtobe
thinkingwastherightwayforhimandallthecoloredpeopletobealwaystryingtomakeitright,thewaytheyshouldbealwaysliving?WhywasMelancthaHerbertnowallsouglyforhim?
MelancthaHerbertsomehowhadmadehimfeeldeeplyjustthen,whatverymoreitwasthatshewantedfromhim.JeffCampbellnowfeltinhimwhateverybodyalwayshadneededtomakethemreallyunderstanding,tohim.Jefffeltastrongdisgustinsidehim;notforMelancthaherself,tohim,notforhimselfreally,inhim,notforwhatitwasthateverybodywanted,inthem;heonlyhaddisgustbecausehenevercouldknowreallyinhim,whatitwashewanted,tobereallyrightinunderstanding,forhim,heonlyhaddisgustbecausehenevercouldknowreallywhatitwasreallyrighttohimtobealwaysdoing,inthethingshehadbeforebelievedin,thethingshebeforehadbelievedinforhimselfandforallthecoloredpeople,thelivingregular,andtheneverwantingtobealwayshavingnewthings,justtokeepon,alwaysbeinginexcitements.Alltheoldthinkingnowcameupverystronginsidehim.Hesortofturnedawaythen,andthrewMelancthafromhim.
Jeffnever,evennow,knewwhatitwasthatmovedhim.Henever,evennow,waseversure,hereallyknewwhatMelancthawas,whenshewasrealherself,andhonest.Hethoughtheknew,andthentherecametohimsomemoment,justlikethisone,whenshereallywokehimuptobestronginhim.Thenhereallyknewhecouldknownothing.Heknewthen,henevercouldknowwhatitwasshereallywantedwithhim.Heknewthenhenevercouldknowreallywhatitwashefeltinsidehim.Itwasallsomixedupinsidehim.AllheknewwashewantedverybadlyMelancthashouldbetherebesidehim,andhewantedverybadly,too,alwaystothrowherfromhim.WhatwasitreallythatMelancthawantedwithhim?Whatwasitreally,he,JeffCampbell,wantedsheshouldgivehim?"Icertainlydidthinknow,"JeffCampbellgroanedinsidehim,"IcertainlydidthinknowIreallywasknowingallright,whatIwanted.IcertainlydidreallythinknowIwasknowinghowtobetrustingwithMelanctha.Icertainlydidthinkitwaslikethatnowwithmesure,afterallI'vebeenthroughallthistimewithher.AndnowIcertainlydoknowIdon'tknowanythingthat'sveryrealabouther.OhthegoodLordhelpandkeepme!"andJeffgroanedhardinsidehim,andheburiedhisfacedeepinthegreengrassunderneathhim,andMelancthaHerbertwasverysilenttherebesidehim.
ThenJeffturnedtolookandseeher.Shewaslyingverystilltherebyhim,andthebitterwateronherfacewasbiting.Jeffwassoverysorrythen,alloverand
insidehim,thewayhealwayswaswhenMelancthahadbeendeephurtbyhim."Ididn'tmeantobesobadagaintoyou,Melanctha,dearone,"andhewasverytendertoher."Icertainlydidn'tnevermeantogotobesobadtoyou,Melanctha,darling.Icertainlydon'tknow,Melanctha,darling,whatitismakesmeactsotoyousometimes,whenIcertainlyain'tmeaninganythinglikeIwanttohurtyou.Icertainlydon'tmeantobesobad,Melanctha,onlyitcomessoquickonmebeforeIknowwhatIamactingtoyou.Icertainlyamallsorry,hard,tobesobadtoyou,Melanctha,darling.""Isuppose,Jeff,"saidMelanctha,verylowandbitter,"Isupposeyouarealwaysthinking,Jeff,somebodyhadoughttobeashamedwithustwotogether,andyoucertainlydothinkyoudon'tseeanywaytoit,Jeff,formetobefeelingthatwayever,soyoucertainlydon'tseeanywaytoit,onlytodoitjustsooftenforme.Thatcertainlyisthewayalwayswithyou,JeffCampbell,ifIunderstandyourightthewayyouarealwaysactingtome.ThatcertainlyisrightthewayIamsayingittoyounow,JeffCampbell.Youcertainlydidn'tanywaytrustmenownomore,didyou,whenyoujustactedsobadtome.IcertainlyamrightthewayIsayitJeffnowtoyou.IcertainlyamrightwhenIaskyouforitnow,totellmewhatIaskyou,aboutnottrustingmemorethenagain,Jeff,justlikeyouneverreallyknewme.Youcertainlyneverdidtrustmejustthen,Jeff,youhearme?""Yes,Melanctha,"Jeffansweredslowly.Melancthapaused."IguessIcertainlynevercanforgiveyouthistime,JeffCampbell,"shesaidfirmly.Jeffpausedtoo,andthoughtalittle."Icertainlyamafraidyounevercannomorenowagain,Melanctha,"hesaidsadly.
Theylaythereveryquietnowalongtime,eachonethinkingveryhardontheirowntrouble.AtlastJeffbeganagaintotellMelancthawhatitwashewasalwaysthinkingwithher."Icertainlydoknow,Melanctha,youcertainlynowdon'twantanymoretobehearingmejusttalking,butyousee,Melanctha,really,it'sjustlikethiswayalwayswithme.Yousee,Melanctha,itslikethiswaynowallthetimewithme.Youremember,Melanctha,whatIwasoncetellingtoyou,whenIdidn'tknowyouverylongtogether,abouthowIcertainlyneverdidknowmorethanjusttwokindsofwaysofliving,onewaythewayitisgoodtobeinfamiliesandtheotherkindofway,likeanimalsareallthetimejustwitheachother,andhowIdidn'teverlikethatlastkindofwaymuchforanyofthecoloredpeople.YouseeMelanctha,it'slikethiswaywithme.Igotanewfeelingnow,youbeenteachingtome,justlikeItoldyouonce,justlikeanewreligiontome,andIseeperhapswhatreallylovingislike,likereallyhavingeverythingtogether,newthings,littlepiecesalldifferent,likeIalwaysbeforebeenthinkingwasbadtobehaving,allgotogetherlike,tomakeonegoodbigfeeling.Yousee,Melanctha,it'scertainlylikethatyoumakemebeenseeing,
likeIneverknowbeforeanywaytherewasofallkindsoflovingtocometogethertomakeonewayreallytrulylovely.Iseethatnow,sometimes,thewayyoucertainlybeenteachingme,Melanctha,really,andthenIloveyouthosetimes,Melanctha,likearealreligion,andthenitcomesovermeallsudden,Idon'tknowanythingrealaboutyouMelanctha,dearone,andthenitcomesovermesudden,perhapsIcertainlyamwrongnow,thinkingallthiswaysolovely,andnotthinkingnowanymoretheoldwayIalwaysbeforewasalwaysthinking,aboutwhatwastherightwayforme,toliveregularandallthecoloredpeople,andthenIthink,perhaps,Melancthayouarereallyjustabadone,andIthink,perhapsIcertainlyamdoingitsobecauseIjustamtooanxioustobejusthavingallthetimeexcitements,likeIdon'teverlikereallytobedoingwhenIknowit,andthenIalwaysgetsobadtoyou,Melanctha,andIcan'thelpitwithmyselfthen,never,forIwanttobealwaysrightreallyintheways,Ihavetodothem.Icertainlydoverybadlywanttoberight,Melanctha,theonlywayIknowisrightMelancthareally,andIdon'tknowanyway,Melanctha,tofindoutreally,whethermyoldway,thewayIalwaysusedtobethinking,orthenewway,youmakesolikearealreligiontomesometimes,Melanctha,whichwaycertainlyistherealrightwayformetobealwaysthinking,andthenIcertainlyamawfulgoodandsorry,Melanctha,Ialwaysgiveyousomuchtrouble,hurtingyouwiththebadwaysIamacting.Can'tyouhelpmetoanyway,tomakeitallstraightforme,Melanctha,soIknowrightandrealwhatitisIshouldbeacting.Yousee,Melanctha,Idon'twantalwaystobeacowardwithyou,ifIonlycouldknowcertainwhatwastherightwayformetobeacting.Icertainlyamrealsure,Melanctha,thatwouldbethewayIwouldbeacting,ifIonlyknewitsureforcertainnow,Melanctha.Can'tyouhelpmeanywaytofindoutrealandtrue,Melanctha,dearone.Icertainlydobadlywanttoknowalways,thewayIshouldbeacting."
"No,Jeff,dear,Icertainlycan'thelpyoumuchinthatkindoftroubleyouarealwayshaving.AllIcandonow,Jeff,istojustkeepcertainlywithmybelievingyouaregoodalways,Jeff,andthoughyoucertainlydohurtmebad,Ialwaysgotstrongfaithinyou,Jeff,moreinyoucertainly,thanyouseemtobehavinginyouractingtome,alwayssobad,Jeff."
"Youcertainlyareverygoodtome,Melanctha,dearone,"Jeffsaid,afteralong,tendersilence."Youcertainlyareverygoodtome,Melanctha,darling,andmesobadtoyoualways,inmyacting.Doyoulovemegood,andright,Melanctha,always?""Alwaysandalways,youbesureofthatnowyouhaveme.OhyouJeff,youalwaysbesostupid.""Icertainlynevercansaynowyouain'tright,
whenyousaythattomeso,Melanctha,"Jeffanswered."Oh,Jeffdear,Iloveyoualways,youknowthatnow,allright,forcertain.Ifyoudon'tknowitrightnow,Jeff,really,Iproveittoyounow,forgoodandalways."Andtheylaytherealongtimeintheirloving,andthenJeffbeganagainwithhishappyfreeenjoying.
"Isureamagoodboytobelearningallthetimetherightwayyouareteachingme,Melanctha,darling,"beganJeffCampbell,laughing,"Youcan'tsayno,never,Iain'tagoodscholarforyoutobeteachingnow,Melanctha,andIamalwayssoreadytocometoyoueveryday,andneverplayinghookyeverfromyou.Youcan'tsayever,Melanctha,nowcanyou,Iain'tarealgoodboytobealwaysstudyingtobelearningtoberealbright,justlikemyteacher.Youcan'tsayevertome,Iain'tagoodboytoyounow,Melanctha.""Notnearsogood,JeffCampbell,assuchagood,patientkindofteacher,likeme,whoneverteachesanywaysitain'tgoodherscholarsshouldbeknowing,oughttobereallyhaving,Jeff,youhearme?Icertainlydon'tthinkIamrightforyou,tobeforgivingalways,whenyouaresobad,andIsopatient,withallthishardteachingalways.""Butyoudoforgivemealways,sure,Melanctha,always?""Alwaysandalways,youbesureJeff,andIcertainlyamafraidInevercanstopwithmyforgiving,youalwaysaregoingtobesobadtome,andIalwaysgoingtohavetobesogoodwithmyforgiving.""Oh!Oh!"criedJeffCampbell,laughing,"Iain'tgoingtobesobadforalways,sureIain't,Melanctha,myowndarling.Andsureyoudoforgivemereally,andsureyoulovemetrueandreally,sure,Melanctha?""Sure,sure,Jeff,boy,surenowandalways,surenowyoubelieveme,sureyoudo,Jeff,always.""IsurehopeIdoes,withallmyheart,Melanctha,darling.""Isuredothatsame,Jeff,dearboy,nowyoureallyknowwhatitistobeloving,andIproveittoyounowso,Jeff,younevercanbeforgetting.Youseenow,Jeff,goodandcertain,whatIalwaysbeforebeensayingtoyou,Jeff,now.""Yes,Melanctha,darling,"murmuredJeff,andhewasveryhappyinit,andsothetwoofthemnowinthewarmairofthesultry,southern,negrosunshine,laythereforalongtimejustresting.
AndnowforareallongtimetherewasnoopentroubleanymorebetweenJeffCampbellandMelancthaHerbert.ThenitcamethatJeffknewhecouldnotsayoutanymore,whatitwashewanted,hecouldnotsayoutanymore,whatitwas,hewantedtoknowabout,whatMelancthawanted.
Melancthasometimesnow,whenshewastiredwithbeingallthetimesomuchexcited,whenJeffwouldtalkalongtimetoheraboutwhatwasrightforthem
bothtobealwaysdoing,wouldbe,asifshegavewayinherhead,andlostherselfinabadfeeling.Sometimeswhentheyhadbeenstrongintheirloving,andJeffwouldhaveriseinsidehimsomestrangefeeling,andMelancthafeltitinhimasitwouldsoonbecoming,shewouldloseherselftheninthisbadfeelingthatmadeherheadactasifsheneverknewwhatitwastheyweredoing.Andslowlynow,JeffsoonalwayscametobefeelingthathisMelancthawouldbehurtverymuchinherheadinthewaysheneverlikedtothinkof,ifshewouldevernowagainhavetolistentohistrouble,whenhewastellingaboutwhatitwashestillwaswantingtomakethingsforhimselfreallyunderstanding.
NowJeffbegantohavealwaysastrongfeelingthatMelancthacouldnolongerstandit,withallherbadsuffering,tolethimfightoutwithhimselfwhatwasrightforhimtobedoing.Nowhefelthemustnot,whenshewastherewithhim,keepon,withthiskindoffightingthatwasalwaysgoingoninsidehim.JeffCampbellneverknewyet,whathethoughtwastherightway,forhimselfandforallthecoloredpeopletobeliving.Jeffwascomingalwayseachtimeclosertobereallyunderstanding,butnowMelancthawassobadinhersufferingwithhim,thatheknewshecouldnotanylongerhavehimwithherwhilehewasalwaysshowingthatheneverreallyyetwassurewhatitwas,therightway,forthemtobereallyloving.
Jeffsawnowhehadtogosofast,sothatMelancthaneverwouldhavetowaitanytogetfromhimalwaysallthatsheeverwanted.Henevercouldbehonestnow,henevercouldbenow,anymore,tryingtobereallyunderstanding,foralwayseverymomentnowhefeltittobeastrongthinginhim,howverymuchitwasMelancthaHerbertalwayssuffered.
Jeffdidnotknowverywellthesedays,whatitwas,wasreallyhappeningtohim.Allhekneweverynowandthen,whentheyweregettingstrongtogetexcited,thewaytheyusedtowhenhegavehisfeelingoutsothathecouldbealwayshonest,thatMelancthasomehowneverseemedtohearhim,shejustlookedathimandlookedasifherheadhurtwithhim,andthenJeffhadtokeephimselffrombeinghonest,andhehadtogosofast,andtodoeverythingMelancthaeverwantedfromhim.
Jeffdidnotlikeitverywellthesedays,inhistruefeeling.HeknewnowverywellMelancthawasnotstrongenoughinsidehertostandanymoreofhisslowwayofdoing.Andyetnowheknewhewasnothonestinhisfeeling.NowhealwayshadtoshowmoretoMelancthathanhewaseverfeeling.Nowshemade
himgosofast,andheknewitwasnotrealwithhisfeeling,andyethecouldnotmakehersuffersoanymorebecausehealwayswassoslowwithhisfeeling.
ItwasveryhardforJeffCampbelltomakeallthiswayofdoing,right,insidehim.IfJeffCampbellcouldnotbestraightout,andrealhonest,henevercouldbeverystronginsidehim.NowMelanctha,withhermakinghimfeel,always,howgoodshewasandhowverymuchshesufferedinhim,madehimalwaysgosofastthen,hecouldnotbestrongthen,tofeelthingsoutstraighttheninsidehim.Alwaysnowwhenhewaswithher,hewasbeingmore,thanhecouldalreadyyet,befeelingforher.Alwaysnow,withher,hehadsomethinginsidehimalwaysholdinginhim,alwaysnow,withher,hewasfaraheadofhisownfeeling.
JeffCampbellneverknewverywellthesedayswhatitwasthatwasgoingoninsidehim.Allheknewwas,hewasuneasynowalwaystobewithMelanctha.Allheknewwas,thathewasalwaysuneasywhenhewaswithMelanctha,notthewayheusedtobefromjustnotbeingveryunderstanding,butnow,becausehenevercouldbehonestwithher,becausehewasnowalwaysfeelingherstrongsuffering,inher,becauseheknewnowhewashavingastraight,goodfeelingwithher,butshewentsofast,andhewassoslowtoher;Jeffknewhisrightfeelingnevergotachancetoshowitselfasstrong,toher.
AllthiswasalwaysgettingharderforJeffCampbell.Hewasveryproudtoholdhimselftobestrong,wasJeffCampbell.HewasverytendernottohurtMelanctha,whenheknewshewouldbesuretofeelitbadlyinherheadalongtimeafter,hehatedthathecouldnotnowbehonestwithher,hewantedtostayawaytoworkitoutallalone,withouther,hewasafraidshewouldfeelittosuffer,ifhekeptawaynowfromher.Hewasuneasyalways,withher,hewasuneasywhenhethoughtabouther,heknewnowhehadagood,straight,strongfeelingofrightlovingforher,andyetnowhenevercoulduseittobegoodandhonestwithher.
JeffCampbelldidnotknow,thesedays,anythinghecoulddotomakeitbetterforher.Hedidnotknowanythinghecoulddo,tosethimselfreallyrightinhisactingandhisthinkingtowardher.Shepulledhimsofastwithher,andhedidnotdaretohurther,andhecouldnotcomeright,sofast,thewayshealwaysneededheshouldbedoingitnow,forher.
Thesedayswerenotveryjoyfulonesnowanymore,toJeffCampbell,with
Melanctha.Hedidnotthinkitouttohimselfnow,inwords,abouther.Hedidnotknowenough,whatwashisrealtrouble,withher.
Sometimesnowandagainwiththem,andwithallthistroubleforalittlewhilewellforgottenbyhim,Jeff,andMelancthawithhim,wouldbeveryhappyinastrong,sweetloving.Sometimesthen,Jeffwouldfindhimselftobesoaringveryhighinhistrueloving.SometimesJeffwouldfindthem,inhisloving,hissoulswellingoutfullinsidehim.AlwaysJefffeltnowinhimself,deepfeeling.
AlwaysnowJeffhadtogosomuchfasterthanwasrealwithhisfeeling.YetalwaysJeffknewhowhehadaright,strongfeeling.AlwaysnowwhenJeffwaswondering,itwasMelancthahewasdoubting,intheloving.Nowhewouldoftenaskher,wassherealnowtohim,inherloving.Hewouldaskheroften,feelingsomethingqueeraboutitallinsidehim,thoughyethewasneverreallystronginhisdoubting,andalwaysMelancthawouldanswertohim,"YesJeff,sure,youknowit,always,"andalwaysJefffeltadoubtnow,inherloving.
AlwaysnowJefffeltinhimself,deeploving.Alwaysnowhedidnotknowreally,ifMelancthawastrueinherloving.
AllthesedaysJeffwasuncertaininhim,andhewasuneasyaboutwhichwayheshouldactsoasnottobewrongandputthembothintobadtrouble.Alwaysnowhewas,asifhemustfeeldeepintoMelancthatoseeifitwasreallovinghewouldfindshenowhadinher,andalwayshewouldstophimself,withher,foralwayshewasafraidnowthathemightbadlyhurther.
Alwaysnowhelikeditbetterwhenhewasdetainedwhenhehadtogoandseeher.Alwaysnowheneverlikedtogotobewithher,althoughheneverwantedreally,nottobealwayswithher.Alwaysnowheneverfeltreallyateasewithher,evenwhentheyweregoodfriendstogether.Alwaysnowhefelt,withher,hecouldnotbereallyhonesttoher.AndJeffnevercouldbehappywithherwhenhecouldnotfeelstrongtotellallhisfeelingtoher.Alwaysnoweverydayhefoundithardertomakethetimepass,withher,andnotlethisfeelingcomesothathewouldquarrelwithher.
Andsooneevening,late,hewastogotoher.Hewaitedalittlelong,beforehewenttoher.Hewasafraid,inhimself,tonight,hewouldsurelyhurther.Heneverwantedtogowhenhemightquarrelwithher.
Melancthasattherelookingveryangry,whenhecameintoher.Jefftookoffhis
hatandcoatandthensatdownbythefirewithher.
"Ifyoucomeinmuchlatertomejustnow,JeffCampbell,Icertainlyneverwouldhaveseenyounomorenevertospeaktoyou,'thoutyourapologisingrealhumbletome.""ApologisingMelanctha,"andJefflaughedandwasscornfultoher,"Apologising,Melanctha,Iain'tproudthatkindofway,Melanctha,Idon'tmindapologisingtoyou,Melanctha,allImind,Melancthaistobedoingofthingswrong,toyou.""That'seasy,tosaythingsthatway,Jefftome.ButyouneverwasveryproudJeff,tobecourageoustome.""Idon'tknowaboutthatMelanctha.Igotcouragetosaysomethingshard,whenImeanthem,toyou.""Oh,yes,Jeff,Iknowallaboutthat,Jeff,tome.ButImeanrealcourage,torunaroundandnotcarenothingaboutwhathappens,andalwaystobegameinanykindoftrouble.That'swhatImeanbyrealcourage,tome,Jeff,ifyouwanttoknowit.""Oh,yes,Melanctha,Iknowallthatkindofcourage.IseeplentyofitallthetimewithsomekindsofcoloredmenandwithsomegirlslikeyouMelanctha,andJaneHarden.Iknowallabouthowyouarealwaysmakingafusstobeproudbecauseyoudon'thollersomuchwhenyourunintowhereyouain'tgotanybusinesstobe,andsoyougethurt,thewayyououghtto.Andthen,youkindofpeopleareverybravethen,sure,withallyourkindsofsuffering,butthewayIseeit,goingroundwithallmypatients,thatkindofcouragemakesallkindoftrouble,forthemwhoain'tsonoblewiththeircourage,andthentheygotit,alwaystobebearingit,whentheendcomes,tobehurtthehardest.It'slikerunningaroundandbeinggametospendallyourmoneyalways,andthenaman'swifeandchildrenaretheonesdoallthestarvingandtheydon'tevergetanameforbeingbrave,andtheydon'teverwanttobedoingallthatsuffering,andtheygottostanditandsaynothing.That'sthewayIseeitagooddealnowwithallthatkindofbravenessinsomeofthecoloredpeople.Theyalwaysmakealotofnoisetoshowtheyaresobravenottoholler,whentheygotsomuchsufferingtheyalwaysbringallonthemselves,justbydoingthingstheygotnobusinesstobedoing.Idon'tsay,never,Melanctha,theyain'tgotgoodcouragenottoholler,butIneverdidseemuchinlookingforthatkindoftroublejusttoshowyouain'tgoingtoholler.Noitsallrightbeingbraveeveryday,justlivingregularandnothavingnewwaysallthetimejusttogetexcitements,thewayIhatetoseeitinallthecoloredpeople.NoIdon'tseemuch,Melanctha,inbeingbravejusttogetitgood,whereyou'vegotnobusiness.Iain'tashamedMelanctha,rightheretotellyou,Iain'tashamedevertosayIain'tgotnolongingtobebrave,justtogoaroundandlookfortrouble.""Yesthat'sjustlikeyoualways,Jeff,youneverunderstandthingsright,thewayyouarealwaysfeelinginyou.Youain'tgotnowaytounderstandright,howitdependswhatwaysomebodygoestolookfor
newthings,thewayitmakesitrightforthemtogetexcited."
"NoMelanctha,IcertainlyneverdosayIunderstandmuchanybody'sgotarighttothinktheywon'thaverealbadtrouble,iftheygoandlookhardwheretheyarecertainsuretofindit.NoMelanctha,itcertainlydoessoundveryprettyallthistalkingaboutdangerandbeinggameandneverhollering,andallthatwayoftalking,butwhentwomenarejustfighting,thestrongmanmostlygetsontopwithdoinggoodhardpounding,andthemanthat'sgettingallthatpounding,hemostlyneverlikesitsofarasIhavebeenableyettoseeit,andIdon'tseemuchdifferencewhatkindofnoblewaytheyaremadeofwhentheyain'tgotanykindofbusinesstogettogethertheretobefighting.ThatcertainlyistheonlywayIeverseeithappenright,Melanctha,wheneverIhappentobeanywhereIcanbelooking."
"That'sbecauseyounevercanseeanythingthatain'tjustsosimple,Jeff,witheverybody,thewayyoualwaysthinkit.ItdomakeallthedifferencethekindofwayanybodyismadetodothingsgameJeffCampbell."
"MaybeMelanctha,Icertainlyneversaynoyouain'tright,Melanctha.Ijustbeentellingittoyouallstraight,Melanctha,thewayIalwaysseeit.Perhapsifyourunaroundwhereyouain'tgotanybusiness,andyoustandupverystraightandsay,Iamsobrave,nothingcanevereverhurtme,maybenothingwilleverhurtyouthenMelanctha.Ineverhaveseenitdoso.InevercansaytrulyanydifferentlytoyouMelanctha,butIalwaysamreadytobelearningfromyou,Melanctha.Andperhapswhensomebodycutsintoyourealhard,withabrickheisthrowing,perhapsyouneverwilldoanyholleringthen,Melanctha.Icertainlydon'teversayno,Melanctha,toyou,Ionlysaythatain'tthewayyetIeverseeithappenwhenIhadachancetobetherelooking."
Theysattheretogether,quietbythefire,andtheydidnotseemtofeelveryloving.
"Icertainlydowonder,"Melancthasaiddreamily,atlastbreakingintotheirlongunlovingsilence."IcertainlydowonderwhyalwaysithappenstomeIcareforanybodywhoain'tnowaysgoodenoughformeevertobethinkingtorespecthim."
JefflookedatMelanctha.Jeffgotupthenandwalkedalittleupanddowntheroom,andthenhecameback,andhisfacewassetanddarkandhewasvery
quiettoher.
"Ohdear,Jeff,sure,whyyoulooksosolemnnowtome.SureJeffIneverammeaninganythingrealbywhatIjustbeensaying.WhatwasIjustbeensayingJefftoyou.Ionlycertainlywasjustthinkinghoweverythingalwayswasjusthappeningtome."
JeffCampbellsatverystillanddark,andmadenoanswer.
"Seemstome,Jeffyoumightbegoodtomealittletonightwhenmyheadhurtsso,andIamsotiredwithallthehardworkIhavebeendoing,thinking,andIalwaysgotsomanythingstobeatroubletome,livinglikeIdowithnobodyeverwhocanhelpme.SeemstomeyoumightbegoodtomeJefftonight,andnotgetangry,everylittlethingIameversayingtoyou."
"Icertainlywouldnotgetangryeverwithyou,Melanctha,justbecauseyousaythingstome.ButnowIcertainlybeenthinkingyoureallymeanwhatyouhavebeenjustthensayingtome.""ButyousayallthetimetomeJeff,youain'tnowaysgoodenoughinyourlovingtome,youcertainlysaytomeallthetimeyouain'tnowaysgoodorunderstandingtome.""ThatcertainlyiswhatIsaytoyoualways,justthewayIfeelittoyouMelancthaalways,andIgotitrightinmetosayit,andIhavegotarightinmetobeverystrongandfeelit,andtobealwayssuretobelieveit,butitain'trightforyouMelancthatofeelit.WhenyoufeelitsoMelanctha,itdoescertainlymakeeverythingallwrongwithourloving.ItmakesitsoIcertainlynevercanbeartohaveit."
Theysattherethenalongtimebythefire,verysilent,andnotloving,andneverlookingtoeachotherforit.Melancthawasmovingandtwitchingherselfandverynervouswithit.Jeffwasheavyandsullenanddarkandveryseriousinit.
"Ohwhycan'tyouforgetIsaidittoyouJeffnow,andIcertainlyamsotired,andmyheadandallnowwithit."
Jeffstirred,"AllrightMelanctha,don'tyougomakeyourselfsicknowinyourhead,feelingsobadwithit,"andJeffmadehimselfdoit,andhewasapatientdoctoragainnowwithMelancthawhenhefeltherreallyhavingherheadhurtwithit."It'sallrightnowMelancthadarling,sureitisnowItellyou.Youjustliedownnowalittle,dearone,andIsitherebythefireandjustreadawhileandjustwatchwithyousoIwillbehereready,ifyouneedmetogiveyousomethingtohelpyouresting."AndthenJeffwasagooddoctortoher,andvery
sweetandtenderwithher,andMelancthalovedhimtobetheretohelpher,andthenMelancthafellasleepalittle,andJeffwaitedtherebesideheruntilhesawshewasreallysleeping,andthenhewentbackandsatdownbythefire.
AndJefftriedtobeginagainwithhisthinking,andhecouldnotmakeitcomecleartohimself,withallhisthinking,andhefelteverythingallthickandheavyandbad,nowinsidehim,everythingthathecouldnotunderstandright,withallthehardworkhemade,withhisthinking.Andthenhemovedhimselfalittle,andtookabooktoforgethisthinking,andthenasalways,heloveditwhenhewasreading,andthenverysoonhewasdeepinhisreading,andsoheforgotnowforalittlewhilethathenevercouldseemtobeveryunderstanding.
AndsoJeffforgothimselfforawhileinhisreading,andMelancthawassleeping.AndthenMelancthawokeupandshewasscreaming."Oh,Jeff,Ithoughtyougoneawayforalwaysfromme.Oh,Jeff,nevernowgoawaynomorefromme.Oh,Jeff,sure,sure,alwaysbejustsogoodtome"
TherewasaweightinJeffCampbellfromnowon,alwayswithhim,thathecouldneverliftoutfromhim,tofeeleasy.HealwayswastryingnottohaveitinhimandhealwayswastryingnottoletMelancthafeelit,withhim,butitwasalwaysthereinsidehim.NowJeffCampbellalwayswasserious,anddark,andheavy,andsullen,andhewouldoftensitalongtimewithMelancthawithoutmoving.
"Youcertainlyneverhaveforgiventome,whatIsaidtoyouthatnight,Jeff,nowhaveyou?"Melancthaaskedhimafteralongsilence,lateoneeveningwithhim."Itain'teverwithmeaquestionlikeforgiving,Melanctha,Igotinme.It'sjustonlywhatyouarefeelingforme,makesanydifferencetome.Iain'teverseenanythingsinceinyou,makesmethinkyoudidn'tmeanitright,whatyousaidaboutnotthinkingnowanymoreIwasgood,tomakeitrightforyoutobereallycaringsoverymuchtoloveme."
"Icertainlyneverdidseenomanlikeyou,Jeff.Youalwayswantingtohaveitallclearoutinwordsalways,whateverybodyisalwaysfeeling.Icertainlydon'tseeareason,whyIshouldalwaysbeexplainingtoyouwhatImeanbywhatIamjustsaying.Andyouain'tgotnofeelingeverforme,toaskmewhatImeant,bywhatIwassayingwhenIwassotired,thatnight.IneverknowanythingrightIwassaying.""Butyoudon'tevertellmenow,Melanctha,soIreallyhearyousayit,youdon'tmeanitthesameway,thewayyousaidittome.""OhJeff,you
sostupidalwaystomeandalwaysjustbotheringwithyouralwaysaskingtome.AndIdon'tneveranywayremembereveranythingIbeensayingtoyou,andIamalwaysmyhead,soithurtsmeithalfkillsme,andmyheartjumpsso,sometimesIthinkIdiesowhenithurtsme,andIamsobluealways,IthinksometimesItakesomethingtojustkillme,andIgotsomuchtobotherthinkingalwaysanddoing,andIgotsomuchtoworry,andallthat,andthenyoucomeandaskmewhatImeanbywhatIwasjustsayingtoyou.Icertainlydon'tknow,Jeff,whenyouaskme.Seemstome,Jeff,sometimesyoumighthavesomekindofarightfeelingtobecarefultome.""Youain'tgotnorightMelancthaHerbert,"flashedoutJeffthroughhisdark,frowninganger,"youcertainlyain'tgotnorightalwaystobeusingyourbeinghurtandbeingsick,andhavingpain,likeaweapon,soastomakemedothingsitain'tneverrightformetobedoingforyou.Youcertainlyain'tgotnorighttobealwaysholdingyourpainouttoshowme.""Whatdoyoumeanbythemwords,JeffCampbell.""IcertainlydomeanthemjustlikeIamsayingthem,Melanctha.Youactalways,likeIbeenresponsibleallmyselfforallourlovingoneanother.Andifitsanythinganywaythateverhurtsyou,youactlikeasifitwasmemadeyoujustbeginitallwithme.Iain'tnocoward,youhearme,Melanctha?Ineverputmytroublebackonanybody,thinkingthattheymademe.Icertainlyamrightreadyalways,Melanctha,youcertainlyhadoughttoknowme,tostandallmyowntroubleforme,butItellyoustraightnow,thewayIthinkitMelanctha,Iain'tgoingtobeasifIwasthereasonwhyyouwantedtobeloving,andtobesufferingsonowwithme.""Butain'tyoucertainlyoughttobefeelingitso,toberight,JeffCampbell.DidIeverdoanythingbutjustletyoudoeverythingyouwantedtome.DidIevertrytomakeyoubelovingtome.DidIeverdonothingexceptjustsittherereadytoendureyourlovingwithme.ButIcertainlynever,JeffCampbell,didmakeanykindofwayasifIwantedreallytobehavingyouforme."
JeffstaredatMelanctha."Sothat'sthewayyousayitwhenyouarethinkingrightaboutitall,Melanctha.WellIcertainlyain'tgotawordtosayevertoyouanymore,Melanctha,ifthat'sthewayitsstraightouttoyounow,Melanctha."AndJeffalmostlaughedouttoher,andheturnedtotakehishatandcoat,andgoawaynowforeverfromher.
Melancthadroppedherheadonherarms,andshetrembledalloverandinsideher.Jeffstoppedalittleandlookedverysadlyather.Jeffcouldnotsoquicklymakeitrightforhimself,toleaveher.
"Oh,Icertainlyshallgocrazynow,Icertainlyknowthat,"Melancthamoanedas
shesatthere,allfallenandmiserableandweaktogether.
Jeffcameandtookherinhisarms,andheldher.Jeffwasverygoodthentoher,buttheyneitherofthemfeltinsideallright,astheyoncedid,tobetogether.
Fromnowon,Jeffhadrealtormentinhim.
WasittruewhatMelancthahadsaidthatnighttohim?Wasittruethathewastheonehadmadeallthistroubleforthem?Wasittrue,hewastheonlyone,whoalwayshadhadwrongwaysinhim?WakingorsleepingJeffnowalwayshadthistormentgoingoninsidehim.
Jeffdidnotknownowanymore,whattofeelwithinhim.Hedidnotknowhowtobeginthinkingoutthistroublethatmustalwaysnowbebadinsidehim.Hejustfeltaconfusedstruggleandresentmentalwaysinhim,aknowing,no,Melancthawasnotrightinwhatshehadsaidthatnighttohim,andthenafeeling,perhapshealwayshadbeenwronginthewayhenevercouldbeunderstanding.Andthenwouldcomestrongtohim,asenseofthedeepsweetnessinMelanctha'slovingandahatingthecoldslowwayhealwayshadtofeelthingsinhim.
AlwaysJeffknew,sure,Melancthawaswronginwhatshehadsaidthatnighttohim,butalwaysMelancthahadhaddeepfeelingwithhim,alwayshewaspoorandslowintheonlywayheknewhowtohaveanyfeeling.JeffknewMelancthawaswrong,andyethealwayshadadeepdoubtinhim.Whatcouldheknow,whohadsuchslowfeelinginhim?Whatcouldheeverknow,whoalwayshadtofindhiswaywithjustthinking.Whatcouldheknow,whohadtobetaughtsuchalongtimetolearnaboutwhatwasreallyloving?Jeffnowalwayshadthistormentinhim.
Melancthawasnowalwaysmakinghimfeelherway,strongwhenevershewaswithhim.Didshegoontodoitjusttoshowhim,didshedoitsonowbecauseshewasnolongerloving,didshedoitsobecausethatwasherwaytomakehimbereallyloving.Jeffneverdidknowhowitwasthatitallhappenedsotohim.
Melancthaactednowthewayshehadsaiditalwayshadbeenwiththem.NowitwasalwaysJeffwhohadtodotheasking.NowitwasalwaysJeffwhohadtoaskwhenwouldbethenexttimeheshouldcometoseeher.Nowalwaysshewasgoodandpatienttohim,andnowalwaysshewaskindandlovingwithhim,andalwaysJefffeltitwas,thatshewasgoodtogivehimanythingheeverasked
orwanted,butnevernowanymoreforherownsaketomakeherhappyinhim.Nowshedidthesethings,asifitwasjusttopleaseherJeffCampbellwhoneededsheshouldnowhavekindnessforhim.Alwaysnowhewasthebeggar,withthem.AlwaysnowMelancthagaveit,notofherneed,butfromherbountytohim.AlwaysnowJefffounditgettingharderforhim.
SometimesJeffwantedtotearthingsawayfrombeforehim,alwaysnowhewantedtofightthingsandbeangrywiththem,andalwaysnowMelancthawassopatienttohim.
Now,deepinsidehim,therewasalwaysadoubtwithJeff,ofMelanctha'sloving.Itwasnotadoubtyettomakehimreallydoubting,forwiththat,Jeffnevercouldbereallyloving,butalwaysnowheknewthatsomething,andthatnotinhim,somethingwaswrongwiththeirloving.JeffCampbellcouldnotknowanyrightwaytothinkoutwhatwasinsideMelancthawithherloving,hecouldnotuseanywaynowtoreachinsidehertofindifshewastrueinherloving,butnowsomethinghadgonewrongbetweenthem,andnowheneverfeltsureinhim,thewayonceshehadmadehim,thatnowatlasthereallyhadgottobeunderstanding.
Melancthawastoomanyforhim.Hewashelplesstofindoutthewayshereallyfeltnowforhim.OftenJeffwouldaskher,didshereallylovehim.Alwaysshesaid,"YesJeff,sure,youknowthat,"andnowinsteadofafullsweetstronglovewithit,Jeffonlyfeltapatient,kindenduranceinit.
Jeffdidnotknow.Ifhewasrightinsuchafeeling,hecertainlyneveranymoredidwanttohaveMelancthaHerbertwithhim.JeffCampbellhatedbadlytothinkMelancthaneverwouldgivehimlove,justforhissake,andnotbecausesheneededitherself,tobewithhim.SuchawayoflovingwouldbeveryhardforJefftobeenduring.
"Jeffwhatmakesyouactsofunnytome.Jeffyoucertainlynowarejealoustome.SureJeff,nowIdon'tseeeverwhyyoubesofoolishtolooksotome.""Don'tyoueverthinkIcanbejealousofanybodyeverMelanctha,youhearme.It'sjust,youcertainlydon'teverunderstandme.It'sjustthiswaywithmealwaysnowMelanctha.Youloveme,andIdon'tcareanythingwhatyoudoorwhatyoueverbeentoanybody.Youdon'tloveme,thenIdon'tcareanymoreaboutwhatyoueverdoorwhatyoueverbetoanybody.ButIneverwantyoutobebeinggoodMelancthatome,whenitain'tyourlovingmakesyouneedit.Icertainly
don'teverwanttobehavinganyofyourkindofkindnesstome.Ifyoudon'tloveme,Icanstandit.AllIneverwanttohaveisyourbeinggoodtomefromkindness.Ifyoudon'tloveme,thenyouandIcertainlydoquitrighthereMelanctha,allstrongfeeling,tobealwayslivingtoeachother.ItcertainlyneverisanybodyIeveramthinkingaboutwhenIamthinkingwithyouMelanctha,darling.That'sthetruewayIamtellingyouMelanctha,always.It'sonlyyourlovingmeevergivesmeanythingtobothermeMelanctha,soallyougottodo,ifyoudon'treallyloveme,isjustcertainlytosaysotome.Iwon'tbotheryoumorethenthanIcanhelptokeepfromitMelanctha.Youcertainlyneednevertobeinanyworry,never,aboutmeMelanctha.YoujusttellmestraightoutMelanctha,real,thewayyoufeelit.Icertainlycanstanditallright,ItellyoutrueMelanctha.AndIneverwillcaretoknowwhyornothingMelanctha.LovingisjustlivingMelancthatome,andifyoudon'treallyfeelitnowMelancthatome,thereain'tevernothingbetweenusthenMelanctha,isthere?That'sstraightandhonestjustthewayIalwaysfeelittoyounowMelanctha.OhMelanctha,darling,doyouloveme?OhMelanctha,please,please,tellmehonest,tellme,doyoureallyloveme?"
"OhyousostupidJeffboy,ofcourseIalwaysloveyou.AlwaysandalwaysJeffandIalwaysjustsogoodtoyou.OhyousostupidJeffanddon'tknowwhenyougotitgoodwithme.Ohdear,JeffIcertainlyamsotiredJefftonight,don'tyougobeabothertome.YesIloveyouJeff,howoftenyouwantmetotellyou.OhyousostupidJeff,butyesIloveyou.NowIwon'tsayitnomorenowtonightJeff,youhearme.YoujustbegoodJeffnowtomeorelseIcertainlygetawfulangrywithyou.YesIloveyou,sure,Jeff,thoughyoudon'tanywaydeserveitfromme.Yes,yesIloveyou.YesJeffIsayittillIcertainlyamverysleepy.YesIloveyounowJeff,andyoucertainlymuststopaskingmetotellyou.OhyougreatsillyboyJeffCampbell,sureIloveyou,ohyousillystupid,myownboyJeffCampbell.YesIloveyouandIcertainlyneverwon'tsayitonemoretimetonightJeff,nowyouhearme."
YesJeffCampbellheardher,andhetriedhardtobelieveher.Hedidnotreallydoubtherbutsomehowitwaswrongnow,thewayMelancthasaidit.JeffalwaysnowfeltbaffledwithMelanctha.Something,heknew,wasnotrightnowinher.Somethinginheralwaysnowwasmakingstrongerthetormentthatwastearingeveryminuteatthejoyheoncealwayshadhadwithher.
AlwaysnowJeffwondereddidMelancthalovehim.Alwaysnowhewaswondering,wasMelanctharightwhenshesaid,itwashehadmadealltheir
beginning.WasMelanctharightwhenshesaid,itwashehadtherealresponsibilityforallthetroubletheyhadandstillwerehavingnowbetweenthem.Ifshewasright,whatabrutehealwayshadbeeninhisacting.Ifshewasright,howgoodshehadbeentoendurethepainhehadmadesobadsooftenforher.Butno,surelyshehadmadeherselftobearit,forherownsake,notforhistomakehimhappy.Surelyhewasnotsotwistedinallhislongthinking.Surelyhecouldrememberrightwhatitwashadhappenedeverydayintheirlongloving.SurelyhewasnotsopooracowardasMelancthaalwaysseemedtobethinking.Surely,surely,andthenthetormentwouldgetworseeveryminuteinhim.
OnenightJeffCampbellwaslyinginhisbedwithhisthinking,andnightafternightnowhecouldnotdoanysleepingforhisthinking.Tonightsuddenlyhesatupinhisbed,anditallcamecleartohim,andhepoundedhispillowwithhisfist,andhealmostshoutedoutalonetheretohim,"Iain'tabrutethewayMelancthahasbeensaying.ItsallwrongthewayIbeenworriedthinking.Wedidbeginfair,eachnotfortheotherbutforourselves,whatwewerewanting.MelancthaHerbertdiditjustlikeIdidit,becauseshelikeditbadenoughtowanttostandit.It'sallwronginmetothinkitanywayexceptthewaywereallydidit.Icertainlydon'tknownowwhethersheisnowrealandtrueinherloving.Iain'tgotanywayevertofindoutifsheisrealandtruenowalwaystome.AllIknowisIdidn'tevermakehertobegintobewithme.Melancthahasgottostandforherowntrouble,justlikeIgottostandformyowntrouble.Eachmanhasgottodoitforhimselfwhenheisinrealtrouble.Melanctha,shecertainlydon'trememberrightwhenshesaysImadeherbeginandthenImadehertrouble.NobyGod,Iain'tnocowardnorabruteeitherevertoher.IbeenthewayIfeltithonest,andthatcertainlyisallaboutitnowbetweenus,andeverybodyalwayshasjustgottostandfortheirowntrouble.IcertainlyamrightthistimethewayIseeit."AndJefflaydownnow,atlastincomfort,andheslept,andhewasfreefromhislongdoubtingtorment.
"YouknowMelanctha,"JeffCampbellbegan,thenexttimehewasalonetotalkalongtimetoMelanctha."YouknowMelanctha,sometimesIthinkawholelotaboutwhatyouliketosaysomuchaboutbeinggameandneverdoinganyhollering.SeemstomeMelanctha,Icertainlydon'tunderstandrightwhatyoumeanbynothollering.Seemstomeitcertainlyain'tonlywhatcomesrightawaywhenoneishit,thatcountstobebravetobebearing,butallthatcomeslaterfromyourgettingsickfromtheshockofbeinghurtonceinafight,andallthat,andallthebeingtakencareofforyearsafter,andthesufferingofyourfamily,
andallthat,youcertainlymuststandandnotholler,tobecertainlyreallybravethewayIunderstandit.""WhatyoumeanJeffbyyourtalking.""Imean,seemstomereallynottoholler,istobestrongnottoshowyoueverhavebeenhurt.Seemstome,togetyourheadhurtfromyourtroubleandtoshowit,ain'tcertainlynobraverthantosay,oh,oh,howbadyouhurtme,pleasedon'thurtmemister.Itjustcertainlyseemstome,likemanypeoplethinkthemselvessogamejusttostandwhatweallofusalwaysjustgottobestanding,andeverybodystandsit,andwedon'tcertainlynoneofuslikeit,andyetwedon'tevermostofusthinkwearesomuchbeinggame,justbecausewegottostandit."
"IknowwhatyoumeannowbywhatyouaresayingtomenowJeffCampbell.Youmakeafussnowtome,becauseIcertainlyjusthavestoppedstandingeverythingyouliketobealwaysdoingsocrueltome.Butthat'sjustthewayalwayswithyouJeffCampbell,ifyouwanttoknowit.Youain'tgotnokindofrightfeelingforallIalwaysbeenforgivingtoyou.""Isaiditonceforfun,Melanctha,butnowIcertainlydomeanit,youthinkyougotarighttogowhereyougotnobusiness,andyousay,Iamsobravenothingcanhurtme,andthensomething,likealways,ithappenstohurtyou,andyoushowyourhurtalwayssoeverybodycanseeit,andyousay,Iamsobravenothingdidhurtmeexcepthecertainlydidn'thaveanyrightto,andseehowbadIsuffer,butyouneverhearmemakeaholler,thoughcertainlyanybodygotanyfeeling,toseemesuffer,wouldcertainlynevertouchmeexcepttotakegoodcareofme.SometimesIcertainlydon'trightlyseeMelanctha,howmuchmoregamethatisthanjusttheordinarykindofholler.""No,JeffCampbell,andmadethewayyouisyoucertainlyain'tlikelyevertobemuchmoreunderstanding.""No,Melanctha,noryouneither.Youthinkalways,youaretheonlyonewhoevercandoanywaytoreallysuffer.""Well,andain'tIcertainlyalwaysbeentheonlypersonknowshowtobearit.No,JeffCampbell,Icertainlybegladtoloveanybodyreallyworthy,butImadeso,Ineverseemtobeableinthisworldtofindhim.""No,andyourkindofwayofthinking,youcertainlyMelancthanevergoingtoanywaybeableevertobefindingofhim.Can'tyouunderstandMelanctha,ever,hownomancertainlyeverreallycanholdyourloveforlongtimestogether.YoucertainlyMelanctha,youain'tgotdowndeeployalfeeling,trueinsideyou,andwhenyouain'tjustthatmomentquickwithfeeling,thenyoucertainlyain'tevergotanythingmoretheretokeepyou.YouseeMelanctha,itcertainlyisthiswaywithyou,itis,thatyouain'tevergotanywaytorememberrightwhatyoubeendoing,oranybodyelsethathasbeenfeelingwithyou.YoucertainlyMelanctha,nevercanrememberright,whenitcomeswhatyouhavedoneandwhatyou
thinkhappenstoyou.""ItcertainlyisalleasyforyouJeffCampbelltobetalking.Yourememberright,becauseyoudon'tremembernothingtillyougethomewithyourthinkingeverythingallover,butIcertainlydon'tthinkmucheverofthatkindofwayofrememberingright,JeffCampbell.IcertainlydocallitrememberingrightJeffCampbell,torememberrightjustwhenithappenstoyou,soyouhavearightkindoffeelingnottoactthewayyoualwaysbeendoingtome,andthenyougohomeJeffCampbell,andyoubeginwithyourthinking,andthenitcertainlyisveryeasyforyoutobegoodandforgivingwithit.No,thatain'ttome,thewayofrememberingJeffCampbell,notasIcanseeitnottomakepeoplealwayssuffer,waitingforyoucertainlytogettodoit.SeemstomelikeJeffCampbell,Inevercouldfeelsolikeamanwaslowandtobescorningofhim,likethatdayinthesummer,whenyouthrewmeoffjustbecauseyougotoneofthosefitsofyourremembering.No,JeffCampbell,itsrealfeelingeverymomentwhenitsneeded,thatcertainlydoesseemtomelikerealremembering.Andthatway,certainly,youdon'tneverknownothinglikewhatshouldberightJeffCampbell.NoJeff,it'smethatalwayscertainlyhashadtobearitwithyou.It'salwaysmethatcertainlyhashadtosuffer,whileyougohometoremember.Noyoucertainlyain'tgotnosenseyetJeff,whatyouneedtomakeyoureallyfeeling.No,itcertainlyismeJeffCampbell,thatalwayshasgottoberememberingforusboth,always.That'swhat'sthetruewaywithusJeffCampbell,ifyouwanttoknowwhatitisIamalwaysthinking.""YouiscertainlyrealmodestMelanctha,whenyoudothiskindoftalking,yousureisMelanctha,"saidJeffCampbelllaughing."IthinksometimesMelancthaIamcertainlyawfulconceited,whenIthinksometimesIamalloutdoors,andIthinkIcertainlyamsobright,andbetterthanmosteverybodyIevergotanythingnowtodowith,butwhenIhearyoutalkthiswayMelanctha,IcertainlydothinkIamarealmodestkindoffellow.""Modest!"saidMelanctha,angry,"Modest,thatcertainlyisaqueerthingforyouJefftobecallingyourselfevenwhenyouarelaughing.""Wellitcertainlydoesdependawholelotwhatyouarethinkingwith,"saidJeffCampbell."IneverdidusetothinkIwassomuchonbeingrealmodestMelanctha,butnowIknowreallyIam,whenIhearyoutalking.IseeallthetimetherearemanypeoplelivingjustasgoodasIam,thoughtheyarealittledifferenttome.NowwithyouMelancthaifIunderstandyourightwhatyouaretalking,youdon'tthinkthatwayofnootheronethatyouareeverknowing.""Icertainlycouldberealmodesttoo,JeffCampbell,"saidMelanctha,"IfIcouldmeetsomebodyonceIcouldkeeprightonrespectingwhenIgotsoIwasreallyknowingwiththem.ButIcertainlynevermetanybodylikethatyet,JeffCampbell,ifyouwanttoknowit.""No,Melanctha,andwiththewayyougotofthinking,itcertainlydon'tlooklikeasifyoueverwillMelanctha,with
yourneverrememberinganythingonlywhatyoujustthenarefeelinginyou,andyounotunderstandingwhatanyoneelseiseverfeeling,iftheydon'thollerjustthewayyouaredoing.NoMelanctha,Icertainlydon'tseeanywaysyouarelikelyevertomeetone,sogoodasyouarealwaysthinkingyoube.""No,JeffCampbell,itcertainlyain'tthatwaywithmeatallthewayyousayit.It'sbecauseIamalwaysknowingwhatitisIamwanting,whenIgetit.Icertainlydon'tneverhavetowaittillIhaveit,andthenthrowawaywhatIgotinme,andthencomebackandsay,that'samistakeIjustbeenmaking,itain'tthatneveratalllikeIunderstoodit,Iwanttohave,bad,whatIdidn'tthinkitwasIwanted.It'sthatwayofknowingrightwhatIamwanting,makesmefeelnobodycancomerightwithme,whenIamfeelingthings,JeffCampbell.IcertainlydosayJeffCampbell,Icertainlydon'tthinkmuchofthewayyoualwaysdoit,alwaysneverknowingwhatitisyouareeverreallywantingandeverybodyalwaysgottosuffer.NoJeff,Idon'tcertainlythinkthereismuchdoubtingwhichisbetterandthestrongerwithustwo,JeffCampbell."
"Asyouwill,MelancthaHerbert,"criedJeffCampbell,andheroseup,andhethunderedoutablackoath,andhewasfiercetoleavehernowforever,andthenwiththesamemovement,hetookherinhisarmsandheldher.
"Whatasillygooseboyyouare,JeffCampbell,"Melancthawhisperedtohimfondly.
"Ohyes,"saidJeff,verydreary."Inevercouldkeepreallymadwithanybody,notwhenIwasalittleboyandplaying.Iusedmosttocrysometimes,Icouldn'tgetrealmadandkeeponalongtimewithit,thewayeverybodyalwaysdidit.It'scertainlynousetomeMelanctha,Icertainlycan'teverkeepmadwithyouMelanctha,mydearone.Butdon'tyoueverbethinkingit'sbecauseIthinkyourightinwhatyoubeenjustsayingtome.Idon'tMelancthareallythinkitthatway,honest,thoughIcertainlycan'tgetmadthewayIoughtto.NoMelanctha,littlegirl,reallytruly,youain'trightthewayyouthinkit.IcertainlydoknowthatMelanctha,honest.Youcertainlydon'tdomerightMelanctha,thewayyousayyouarethinking.Good-byeMelanctha,thoughyoucertainlyismyownlittlegirlforalways."Andthentheywereverygoodalittletoeachother,andthenJeffwentawayforthatevening,fromher.
Melancthahadbegunnowoncemoretowander.Melancthadidnotyetalwayswander,butalittlenowsheneededtobegintolookforothers.NowMelancthaHerbertbeganagaintobewithsomeofthebetterkindofblackgirls,andwith
themshesometimeswandered.Melancthahadnotyetcomeagaintoneedtobealone,whenshewandered.
JeffCampbelldidnotknowthatMelancthahadbegunagaintowander.AllJeffknew,wasthatnowhecouldnotbesooftenwithher.
Jeffneverknewhowithadcometohappentohim,butnowheneverthoughttogotoseeMelancthaHerbert,untilhehadbefore,askedherifshecouldbegoingtohavetimethentohavehimwithher.ThenMelancthawouldthinkalittle,andthenshewouldsaytohim,"LetmeseeJeff,to-morrow,youwasjustsayingtome.IcertainlyamawfulbusyyouknowJeffjustnow.ItcertainlydoesseemtomethisweekJeff,Ican'tanywaysfixit.SureIwanttoseeyousoonJeff.IcertainlyJeffgottodoalittlemorenow,Ibeengivingsomuchtime,whenIhadnobusiness,justtobewithyouwhenyouaskedme.NowIguessJeff,Icertainlycan'tseeyounomorethisweekJeff,thewayIgottodothings.""AllrightMelanctha,"Jeffwouldanswerandhewouldbeveryangry."IwanttocomeonlyjustcertainlyasyouwantmenowMelanctha.""NowJeffyouknowIcertainlycan'tbeneglectingalwaystobewitheverybodyjusttoseeyou.YoucomeseemenextweekTuesdayJeff,youhearme.Idon'tthinkJeffIcertainlybesobusy,Tuesday."JeffCampbellwouldthengoawayandleaveher,andhewouldbehurtandveryangry,foritwashardforamanwithagreatprideinhimself,likeJeffCampbell,tofeelhimselfnobetterthanabeggar.Andyethealwayscameasshesaidheshould,onthedayshehadfixedforhim,andalwaysJeffCampbellwasnotsureyetthathereallyunderstoodwhatitwasMelancthawanted.AlwaysMelancthasaidtohim,yesshelovedhim,sureheknewthat.AlwaysMelancthasaidtohim,shecertainlydidlovehimjustthesameasalways,onlysureheknewnowshecertainlydidseemtoberightbusywithallshecertainlynowhadtobedoing.
JeffneverknewwhatMelancthahadtodonow,thatmadeheralwaysbesobusy,butJeffCampbellnevercaredtoaskMelancthasuchaquestion.BesidesJeffknewMelancthaHerbertwouldnever,insuchamatter,givehimanykindofarealanswer.JeffdidnotknowwhetheritwasthatMelancthadidnotknowhowtogiveasimpleanswer.Andthenhowcouldhe,Jeff,knowwhatwasimportanttoher.JeffCampbellalwaysfeltstronglyinhim,hehadnorighttointerferewithMelancthainanypracticalkindofamatter.Theretheyhadalways,neveraskedeachotheranykindofquestion.Theretheyhadfeltalwaysineachother,notanyrighttotakecareofoneanother.AndJeffCampbellnowfeltlessthanhehadever,anyrighttoclaimtoknowwhatMelancthathoughtit
rightthatsheshoulddoinanyofherwaysofliving.AllJefffeltarightinhimselftoquestion,washerloving.
Jefflearnedeverydaynow,moreandmore,howmuchitwasthathecouldreallysuffer.Sometimesithurtsoinhim,whenhewasalone,itwouldforcesomeslowtearsfromhim.Buteveryday,nowthatJeffCampbell,knewmorehowitcouldhurthim,helosthisfeelingofdeepawethatheoncealwayshadhadforMelanctha'sfeeling.Sufferingwasnotsomuchafterall,thoughtJeffCampbell,ifevenhecouldfeelitsoithurthim.Ithurthimbad,justthewayheknewheoncehadhurtMelanctha,andyethetoocouldhaveitandnotmakeanykindofaloudhollerwithit.
Intenderheartednatures,thosethatmostlyneverfeelstrongpassion,sufferingoftencomestomakethemharder.Whenthesedonotknowinthemselveswhatitistosuffer,sufferingisthenveryawfultothemandtheybadlywanttohelpeveryonewhoeverhastosuffer,andtheyhaveadeepreverenceforanybodywhoknowsreallyhowtoalwayssurfer.Butwhenitcomestothemtoreallysuffer,theysoonbegintolosetheirfearandtendernessandwonder.Whyitisn'tsoverymuchtosuffer,whenevenIcanbeartodoit.Itisn'tverypleasanttobehavingallthetime,tostandit,buttheyarenotsomuchwiserafterall,alltheothersjustbecausetheyknowtoohowtobearit.
Passionatenatureswhohavealwaysmadethemselves,tosuffer,thatisallthekindofpeoplewhohaveemotionsthatcometothemassharpasasensation,theyalwaysgetmoretender-heartedwhentheysuffer,anditalwaysdoesthemgoodtosuffer.Tender-hearted,unpassionate,andcomfortablenaturesalwaysgetmuchharderwhentheysuffer,forsotheylosethefearandreverenceandwondertheyoncehadforeverybodywhoeverhastosuffer,fornowtheyknowthemselveswhatitistosufferanditisnotsoawfulanylongertothemwhentheyknowtoo,justaswellasalltheothers,howtohaveit.
AndsoitcameinthesedaystoJeffCampbell.Jeffknewnowalways,wayinsidehim,whatitistoreallysuffer,andnoweverydaywithit,heknewhowtounderstandMelancthabetter.JeffCampbellstilllovedMelancthaHerbertandhestillhadarealtrustinherandhestillhadalittlehopethatsomedaytheywouldoncemoregettogether,butslowly,everyday,thishopeinhimwouldkeepgrowingalwaysweaker.Theystillwereagooddealoftimetogether,butnowtheyneveranymorewerereallytrustingwitheachother.Inthedayswhentheyusedtobetogether,Jeffhadfelthedidnotknowmuchwhatwasinside
Melanctha,butheknewverywell,howverydeepalwayswashistrustinher;nowheknewMelancthaHerbertbetter,butnowheneverfeltadeeptrustinher.NowJeffnevercouldbereallyhonestwithher.Heneverdoubtedyet,thatshewassteadyonlytohim,butsomehowhecouldnotbelievemuchreallyinMelanctha'sloving.
MelancthaHerbertwasalittleangrynowwhenJeffaskedher,"InevergivenobodybeforeJeff,evermorethanonechancewithme,andIcertainlybeengivingyoumostahundredJeff,youhearme.""Andwhyshouldn'tyouMelanctha,givemeamillion,ifyoureallyloveme!"Jeffflashedoutveryangry."Icertainlydon'tknowasyoudeservethatanywaysfromme,JeffCampbell.""Itain'tdeserving,IamevertalkingabouttoyouMelanctha.Itsloving,andifyouarereallylovingtomeyouwon'tcertainlyneveranywayscallthemchances.""DeedJeff,youcertainlyaregettingawfulwiseJeffnow,ain'tyou,tome.""NoIain'tMelanctha,andIain'tjealouseithertoyou.Ijustamdoubtingfromthewayyouarealwaysactingtome.""OhyesJeff,that'swhattheyallsay,thesameway,whentheycertainlygotjealousyallthroughthem.Youain'tgotnocausetobejealouswithmeJeff,andIamawfultiredofallthistalkingnow,youhearme."
JeffCampbellneveraskedMelancthaanymoreifshelovedhim.Nowthingswerealwaysgettingworsebetweenthem.NowJeffwasalwaysverysilentwithMelanctha.NowJeffneverwantedtobehonesttoher,andnowJeffneverhadmuchtosaytoher.
Nowwhentheyweretogether,itwasMelancthaalwaysdidmostofthetalking.Nowsheoftenhadothergirlstherewithher.MelancthawasalwayskindtoJeffCampbellbutsheneverseemedtoneedtobealonenowwithhim.ShealwaystreatedJeff,likeherbestfriend,andshealwaysspokesotohimandyetsheneverseemednowtoveryoftenwanttoseehim.
EverydayitwasgettingharderforJeffCampbell.Itwasasifnow,whenhehadlearnedtoreallyloveMelanctha,shedidnotneedanymoretohavehim.Jeffbegantoknowthisverywellinsidehim.
JeffCampbelldidnotknowyetthatMelancthahadbegunagaintowander.JeffwasnotveryquicktosuspectMelanctha.AllJeffknewwas,thathedidnottrusthertobenowreallylovingtohim.
Jeffwasnolongernowinanydoubtinsidehim.HeknewverywellnowhereallylovedMelanctha.Heknewnowverywellshewasnotanymorearealreligiontohim.JeffCampbellknewverywelltoonowinsidehim,hedidnotreallywantMelanctha,nowifhecouldnolongertrusther,thoughhelovedherhardandreallyknewnowwhatitwastosuffer.
EverydayMelancthaHerbertwaslessandlessneartohim.Shealwayswasverypleasantinhertalkandtobewithhim,butsomehownowitneverwasanycomforttohim.
MelancthaHerbertnowalwayshadalotoffriendsaroundher.JeffCampbellneverwantedtobewiththem.NowMelancthabegantofindit,shesaiditoftentohim,alwayshardertoarrangetobealonenowwithhim.Sometimesshewouldbelateforhim.ThenJeffalwayswouldtrytobepatientinhiswaiting,forJeffCampbellknewverywellhowtoremember,andheknewitwasonlyrightthatheshouldnowendurethisfromher.
ThenMelancthabegantomanageoftennottoseehim,andonceshewentawaywhenshehadpromisedtobetheretomeethim.
ThenJeffCampbellwasreallyfilledupwithhisanger.Nowheknewhecouldneverreallywanther.Nowheknewheneveranymorecouldreallytrusther.
JeffCampbellneverknewwhyMelancthahadnotcometomeethim.Jeffhadheardalittletalkingnow,abouthowMelancthaHerberthadcommencedoncemoretowander.JeffCampbellstillsometimessawJaneHarden,whoalwaysneededadoctortobeoftentheretohelpher.JaneHardenalwaysknewverywellwhathappenedtoMelanctha.JeffCampbellneverwouldtalktoJaneHardenanythingaboutMelanctha.JeffwasalwaysloyaltoMelanctha.JeffneverletJaneHardensaymuchtohimaboutMelanctha,thoughheneverletherknowthatnowhelovedher.ButsomehowJeffdidknownowaboutMelanctha,andheknewaboutsomementhatMelancthametwithRoseJohnsonveryoften.
JeffCampbellwouldnotlethimselfreallydoubtMelanctha,butJeffbegantoknownowverywell,hedidnotwanther.MelancthaHerbertdidnotlovehimever,Jeffknewitnow,thewayheoncehadthoughtthatshecouldfeelit.Onceshehadbeengreaterforhimthanhehadthoughthecouldeverknowhowtofeelit.NowJeffhadcometowherehecouldunderstandMelancthaHerbert.Jeffwasnotbittertoherbecauseshecouldnotreallylovehim,hewasbitteronlythathe
hadlethimselfhavearealillusioninhim.Hewasalittlebittertoo,thathehadlostnow,whathehadalwaysfeltrealintheworld,thathadmadeitforhimalwaysfullofbeauty,andnowhehadnotgotthisnewreligionreally,andhehadlostwhathebeforehadtoknowwhatwasgoodandhadrealbeauty.
JeffCampbellwassoangrynowinhim,becausehehadbeggedMelancthaalwaystobehonesttohim.Jeffcouldstanditinhernottolovehim,hecouldnotstanditinhernottobehonesttohim.
JeffCampbellwenthomefromwhereMelancthahadnotmethim,andhewassoreandfullofangerinhim.
JeffCampbellcouldnotbesurewhattodo,tomakeitrightinsidehim.Surelyhemustbestrongnowandcastthislovingfromhim,andyet,washesurehenowhadrealwisdominhim.WashesurethatMelancthaHerbertneverhadhadarealdeeplovingforhim.WashesureMelancthaHerbertneverhaddeservedareverencefromhim.AlwaysnowJeffhadthistormentinhim,butalwaysnowhefeltmorethatMelancthaneverhadrealgreatnessforhim.
JeffwaitedtoseeifMelancthawouldsendanywordtohim.MelancthaHerbertneversentalinetohim.
AtlastJeffwrotehislettertoMelanctha."DearMelanctha,Icertainlydoknowyouain'tbeenanywaysickthislastweekwhenyounevermetmerightthewayyoupromised,andneversentmeanywordtosaywhyyouactedawayyoucertainlynevercouldthinkwastherightwayyoushoulddoittome.JaneHardensaidshesawyouthatdayandyouwentoutwalkingwithsomepeopleyoulikenowtobewith.Don'tbemisunderstandingmenowanymoreMelanctha.Iloveyounowbecausethat'smyslowwaytolearnwhatyoubeenteaching,butIknownowyoucertainlyneverhadwhatseemstomerealkindoffeeling.Idon'tloveyouMelancthaanymorenowlikearealreligion,becausenowIknowyouarejustmadelikeallusothers.Iknownownomancaneverreallyholdyoubecausenomancaneverberealtotrustinyou,becauseyoumeanrightMelanctha,butyounevercanremember,andsoyoucertainlyneverhavegotanywaytobehonest.SopleaseyouunderstandmerightnowMelanctha,itneverisIdon'tknowhowtoloveyou.Idoknownowhowtoloveyou,Melanctha,really.Yousuredoknowthat,Melanctha,inme.Youcertainlyalwayscantrustme.AndsonowMelanctha,Icansaytoyoucertainlyrealhonestwithyou,Iambetterthanyouareinmyrightkindoffeeling.Andso
Melanctha,Idon'tneveranymorewanttobeatroubletoyou.YoucertainlymakemeseethingsMelanctha,Ineveranyotherwaycouldbeknowing.Youbeenverygoodandpatienttome,whenIwascertainlybelowyouinmyrightfeeling.IcertainlyneverhavebeennearsogoodandpatienttoyoueveryanywayMelanctha,IcertainlyknowthatMelanctha.ButMelanctha,withme,itcertainlyis,alwaystobegoodtogether,twopeoplecertainlymustbethinkingeachoneasgoodastheother,tobereallylovingrightMelanctha.Anditcertainlymustneverbeanykindoffeeling,ofoneonlytaking,andoneonlyjustgiving,Melanctha,tome.Iknowyoucertainlydon'treallyeverunderstandmenowMelanctha,butthat'snomatter.IcertainlydoknowwhatIamfeelingnowwithyourealMelanctha.Andsogood-byenowforgoodMelanctha.IsayIcannevereverreallytrustyourealMelanctha,that'sonlyjustcertainlyfromyourwayofnotbeingeverequalinyourfeelingtoanybodyreal,Melanctha,andyourwaynevertoknowrighthowtoremember.ManywaysIreallytrustyoudeepMelanctha,andIcertainlydofeeldeepallthegoodsweetnessyoucertainlygotrealinyouMelanctha.ItsonlyjustinyourlovingmeMelanctha.YounevercanbeequaltomeandthatwayIcertainlynevercanbearanymoretohaveit.AndsonowMelanctha,Ialwaysbeyourfriend,ifyouneedme,andnowweneverseeeachotheranymoretotalkto."
AndthenJeffCampbellthoughtandthought,andhecouldnevermakeanywayforhimnow,toseeitdifferent,andsoatlasthesentthislettertoMelanctha.
AndnowsurelyitwasalloverinJeffCampbell.SurelynowheneveranymorecouldknowMelanctha.Andyet,perhapsMelancthareallylovedhim.Andthenshewouldknowhowmuchithurthimneveranymore,anyway,toseeher,andperhapsshewouldwritealinetotellhim.ButthatwasafoolishwayforJeffevertobethinking.OfcourseMelancthaneverwouldwriteawordtohim.Itwasallovernowforalways,everythingbetweenthem,andJefffeltitarealrelieftohim.
FormanydaysnowJeffCampbellonlyfeltitasareliefinhim.Jeffwasalllockedupandquietnowinsidehim.Itwasallsettlingdownheavyinhim,andthesedayswhenitwassinkingsodeepinhim,itwasonlytherestandquietofnotfightingthathecouldreallyfeelinsidehim.JeffCampbellcouldnotthinknow,orfeelanythingelseinhim.Hehadnobeautynoranygoodnesstoseearoundhim.Itwasadull,pleasantkindofquiethenowhadinsidehim.Jeffalmostbegantolovethisdullquietinhim,foritwasmorenearlybeingfreeforhimthananythinghehadknowninhimsinceMelancthaHerbertfirsthad
movedhim.Hedidnotfinditarealrestyetforhim,hehadnotreallyconqueredwhathadbeenworkingsolonginhim,hehadnotlearnedtoseebeautyandrealgoodnessyetinwhathadhappenedtohim,butitwasrestevenifhewassoddennowallthroughhim.JeffCampbelllikeditverywell,nottohavefightingalwaysgoingoninsidehim.
AndsoJeffwentoneveryday,andhewasquiet,andhebeganagaintowatchhimselfinhisworking;andhedidnotseeanybeautynowaroundhim,anditwasdullandheavyalwaysnowinsidehim,andyethewascontenttohavegonesofarinkeepingsteadytowhatheknewwastherightwayforhimtocomebackto,toberegular,andseebeautyineverykindofquietwayofliving,thewayhehadalwayswanteditforhimselfandforallthecoloredpeople.Heknewhehadlostthesenseheoncehadofjoyallthroughhim,buthecouldwork,andperhapshewouldbringsomerealbeliefbackintohimaboutthebeautythathecouldnotnowanymoreseearoundhim.
AndsoJeffCampbellwentonwithhisworking,andhestaidhomeeveryevening,andhebeganagainwithhisreading,andhedidnotdomuchtalking,andhedidnotseemtohimselftohaveanykindoffeeling.
AndonedayJeffthoughtperhapshereallywasforgetting,onedayhethoughthecouldsooncomebackandbehappyinhisoldwayofregularandquietliving.
JeffCampbellhadnevertalkedtoanyoneofwhathadbeengoingoninsidehim.JeffCampbelllikedtotalkandhewashonest,butitnevercameoutfromhim,anythinghewaseverreallyfeeling,itonlycameoutfromhim,whatitwasthathewasalwaysthinking.JeffCampbellalwayswasveryproudtohidewhathewasreallyfeeling.Alwaysheblushedhottothinkthingshehadbeenfeeling.OnlytoMelancthaHerbert,haditevercometohim,totellwhatitwasthathewasfeeling.
AndsoJeffCampbellwentonwiththisdullandsodden,heavy,quietalwaysinhim,andheneverseemedtobeabletohaveanyfeeling.Onlysometimesheshiveredhotwithshamewhenherememberedsomethingsheoncehadbeenfeeling.Andthenonedayitallwokeup,andwassharpinhim.
Dr.Campbellwasjustthenstayinglongtimeswithasickmanwhomightsoonbedying.Onedaythesickmanwasresting.Dr.Campbellwenttothewindowto
lookoutalittle,whilehewaswaiting.Itwasveryearlynowinthesouthernspringtime.Thetreeswerejustbeginningtogetthelittlezigzagcrinklesinthem,whichtheyoungbudsalwaysgivethem.Theairwassoftandmoistandpleasanttothem.Theearthwaswetandrichandsmellingforthem.Thebirdsweremakingsharpfreshnoisesallaroundthem.Thewindwasverygentleandyeturgenttothem.Andthebudsandthelongearthworms,andthenegroes,andallthekindsofchildren,werecomingouteveryminutefartherintothenewspring,watery,southernsunshine.
JeffCampbelltoobegantofeelalittlehisoldjoyinsidehim.Thesoddenquietbegantobreakupinhim.Heleanedfaroutofthewindowtomixitallupwithhim.Hisheartwentsharpandthenitalmoststoppedinsidehim.WasitMelancthaHerberthehadjustseenpassingbyhim?WasitMelanctha,orwasitjustsomeothergirl,whomadehimfeelsobadinsidehim?Well,itwasnomatter,Melancthawasthereintheworldaroundhim,hedidcertainlyalwaysknowthatinhim.MelancthaHerbertwasalwaysinthesametownwithhim,andhecouldneveranymorefeelhernearhim.Whatafoolhewastothrowherfromhim.Didheknowshedidnotreallylovehim.SupposeMelancthawasnowsufferingthroughhim.Supposeshereallywouldbegladtoseehim.Anddidanythingelsehedid,reallymeananythingnowtohim?Whatafoolhewastocastherfromhim.AndyetdidMelancthaHerbertwanthim,wasshehonesttohim,hadMelancthaeverlovedhim,anddidMelancthanowsufferbyhim?Oh!Oh!Oh!andthebitterwateroncemoreroseupinhim.
Allthatlongday,withthewarmmoistyoungspringstirringinhim,JeffCampbellworked,andthought,andbeathisbreast,andwandered,andspokealoud,andwassilent,andwascertain,andthenindoubtandthenkeentosurelyfeel,andthenallsoddeninhim;andhewalked,andhesometimesranfasttolosehimselfinhisrushing,andhebithisnailstopainandbleeding,andhetorehishairsothathecouldbesurehewasreallyfeeling,andhenevercouldknowwhatitwasright,henowshouldbedoing.AndthenlatethatnighthewroteitallouttoMelancthaHerbert,andhemadehimselfquicklysenditwithoutgivinghimselfanytimetochangeit.
"Ithascometomestrongto-dayMelanctha,perhapsIamwrongthewayInowamthinking.Perhapsyoudowantmebadlytobewithyou.PerhapsIhavehurtyouonceagainthewayIusedto.IcertainlyMelanctha,ifIeverthinkthatreally,Icertainlydowantbadnottobewrongnoweveranymoretoyou.Ifyoudofeelthewayto-dayitcametomestrongmaybeyouarefeeling,thensayso
Melancthatome,andIcomeagaintoseeyou.Ifnot,don'tsayanythinganymoreevertome.Idon'twantevertobebadtoyouMelanctha,really.Ineverwantevertobeabothertoyou.InevercanstandittothinkIamwrong;really,thinkingyoudon'twantmetocometoyou.TellmeMelanctha,tellmehonesttome,shallIcomenowanymoretoseeyou.""Yes"cametheanswerfromMelanctha,"IbehomeJefftonighttoseeyou."
JeffCampbellwentthateveninglatetoseeMelancthaHerbert.AsJeffcamenearertoher,hedoubtedthathewantedreallytobewithher,hefeltthathedidnotknowwhatitwashenowwantedfromher.JeffCampbellknewverywellnow,wayinsidehim,thattheycouldnevertalktheirtroubleoutbetweenthem.WhatwasitJeffwantednowtotellMelancthaHerbert?WhatwasitthatJeffCampbellnowcouldtellher?Surelyhenevernowcouldlearntotrusther.SurelyJeffknewverywellallthatMelancthaalwayshadinsideher.Andyetitwasawful,neveranymoretoseeher.
JeffCampbellwentintoMelanctha,andhekissedher,andheheldher,andthenhewentawayfromherandhestoodstillandlookedather."WellJeff!""YesMelanctha!""Jeffwhatwasitmadeyouactsotome?""YouknowverywellMelanctha,it'salwaysIamthinkingyoudon'tloveme,andyouareactingtomegoodoutofkindness,andthenMelancthayoucertainlyneverdidsayanythingtomewhyyounevercametomeetme,asyoucertainlydidpromisetomeyouwouldthatdayIneversawyou!""Jeffdon'tyoureallyknowforcertain,Ialwaysloveyou?""NoMelanctha,deedIdon'tknowitinme.DeedandcertainsureMelanctha,ifIonlyknowthatinme,Icertainlyneverwouldgiveyouanybother.""Jeff,Icertainlydoloveyoumoreseemstomealways,youcertainlyhadoughttofeelthatinyou.""SureMelanctha?""SureJeffboy,youknowthat.""ButthenMelancthawhydidyouactsotome?""OhJeffyoucertainlybeensuchabothertome.IjusthadtogoawaythatdayJeff,andIcertainlydidn'tmeannottotellyou,andthenthatletteryouwrotecametomeandsomethinghappenedtome.Idon'tknowrightwhatitwasJeff,Ijustkindoffainted,andwhatcouldIdoJeff,yousaidyoucertainlyneveranymorewantedtocomeandseeme!""AndnomatterMelanctha,evenifyouknew,itwasjustkillingmetoactsotoyou,youneverwouldhavesaidnothingtome?""Noofcourse,howcouldIJeffwhenyouwrotethatwaytome.IknowhowyouwasfeelingJefftome,butIcertainlycouldn'tsaynothingtoyou.""WellMelanctha,IcertainlyknowIamrightproudtooinme,butIcertainlynevercouldactsotoyouMelanctha,ifIeverknewanywayatallyoueverreallylovedme.NoMelancthadarling,youandmecertainlydon'tfeelmuchthesamewayever.Any
wayMelanctha,IcertainlydoloveyoutrueMelanctha.""AndIloveyoutooJeff,eventhoughyoudon'tnevercertainlyseemtobelieveme.""NoIcertainlydon'tanywaybelieveyouMelanctha,evenwhenyousayittome.Idon'tknowMelancthahow,butsureIcertainlydotrustyou,onlyIdon'tbelievenoweverinyourreallybeinglovingtome.IcertainlydoknowyoutrustmealwaysMelanctha,onlysomehowitain'teverallrighttome.Icertainlydon'tknowanywayotherwiseMelanctha,howIcansayittoyou.""WellIcertainlycan'thelpyounowaysanymoreJeffCampbell,thoughyoucertainlysayitrightwhenyousayItrustyouJeffnowalways.YoucertainlyisthebestmanJeffCampbell,Ievercanknow,tome.Ineverbeenanywaysthinkingitcanbeeverdifferenttome.""WellyoutrustmethenMelanctha,andIcertainlyloveyouMelanctha,andseemsliketomeMelanctha,youandmehadoughttobealittlebetterthanwecertainlyeveraredoingnowtobetogether.Youcertainlydothinkthatway,too,Melancthatome.Butmaybeyoudoreallyloveme.Tellme,please,realhonestnowMelancthadarling,tellmesoIreallyalwaysknowitinme,doyoureallytrulyloveme?""Ohyoustupid,stupidboy,JeffCampbell.Loveyou,whatdoyouthinkmakesmealwaystoforgiveyou.IfIcertainlydidn'talwaysloveyouJeff,IcertainlyneverwouldletyoubealwaysbeingallthetimesuchabothertomethewayyoucertainlyJeffalwaysaretome.Nowdon'tyoudasseveranymoresaywordslikethatevertome.YouhearmenowJeff,orIdosomethingrealbadsometime,soIreallyhurtyou.NowJeffyoujustbegoodtome.YouknowJeffhowbadIneedit,nowyoushouldalwaysbegoodtome!"
JeffCampbellcouldnotmakeananswertoMelanctha.Whatwasitheshouldnowsaytoher?Whatwordscouldhelphimtomaketheirfeelinganybetter?JeffCampbellknewthathehadlearnedtolovedeeply,that,healwaysknewverywellnowinhim,Melancthahadlearnedtobestrongtobealwaystrusting,thatheknewtoonowinsidehim,butMelancthadidnotreallylovehim,thathefeltalwaystoostrongforhim.Thatfactalwayswasthereinhim,anditalwaysthrustitselffirm,betweenthem.Andsothistalkdidnotmakethingsreallybetterforthem.
JeffCampbellwasneveranymoreatormenttoMelanctha,hewasonlysilenttoher.JeffoftensawMelancthaandhewasveryfriendlywithherandheneveranymorewasabothertoher.Jeffneveranymorenowhadmuchchancetobelovingwithher.Melancthaneverwasalonenowwhenhesawher.
MelancthaHerberthadjustbeengettingthickinhertroublewithJeffCampbell,whenshewenttothatchurchwhereshefirstmetRose,wholaterwasmarried
regularlytoSamJohnson.Rosewasagood-looking,betterkindofblackgirl,andhadbeenbroughtupquiteliketheirownchildbywhitefolks.Rosewaslivingnowwithcoloredpeople.Rosewasstayingjustthenwithacoloredwoman,whohadknown'Mis'HerbertandherblackhusbandandthisgirlMelanctha.
RosesoongottolikeMelancthaHerbertandMelancthanowalwayswantedtobewithRose,whenevershecoulddoit.MelancthaHerbertalwayswasdoingeverythingforRosethatshecouldthinkofthatRoseeverwanted.Rosealwayslikedtobewithnicepeoplewhowoulddothingsforher.Rosehadstrongcommonsenseandshewaslazy.RoselikedMelancthaHerbert,shehadsuchkindoffinewaysinher.Then,too,Rosehaditinhertobesorryforthesubtle,sweet-natured,docile,intelligentMelancthaHerbertwhoalwayswassobluesometimes,andalwayshadhadsomuchtrouble.Then,too,RosecouldscoldMelanctha,forMelancthaHerbertnevercouldknowhowtokeepherselffromtrouble,andRosewasalwaysstrongtokeepstraight,withhersimpleselfishwisdom.
Butwhydidthesubtle,intelligent,attractive,halfwhitegirlMelancthaHerbert,withhersweetnessandherpowerandherwisdom,demeanherselftodoforandtoflatterandtobescolded,bythislazy,stupid,ordinary,selfishblackgirl.ThiswasaqueerthinginMelancthaHerbert.
Andsonowinthesenewspringdays,itwaswithRosethatMelancthabeganagaintowander.Rosealwaysknewverywellinherselfwhatwastherightwaytodowhenyouwandered.Roseknewverywell,shewasnotjustanycommonkindofblackgirl,forshehadbeenraisedbywhitefolks,andRosealwayssawtoitthatshewasengagedtohimwhenshehadanyonemanwithwhomsheeveralwayswandered.Rosealwayshadstronginherthesenseforproperconduct.RosealwayswastellingthecomplexandlesssureMelanctha,whatwastherightwaysheshoulddowhenshewandered.
RoseneverknewmuchaboutJeffCampbellwithMelancthaHerbert.RosehadnotknownaboutMelancthaHerbertwhenshehadbeenalmostallhertimewithDr.Campbell.
JeffCampbelldidnotlikeRosewhenhesawherwithMelanctha.Jeffwouldnever,whenhecouldhelpit,meether.RosedidnotthinkmuchaboutDr.Campbell.Melancthanevertalkedmuchabouthimtoher.Hewasnotimportant
nowtobewithher.
RosedidnotlikeMelanctha'soldfriendJaneHardenwhenshesawher.JanedespisedRoseforanordinary,stupid,sullenblackgirl.JanecouldnotseewhatMelancthacouldfindinthatblackgirl,toendureher.ItmadeJanesicktoseeher.ButthenMelancthahadagoodmind,butshecertainlyneverdidcaremuchtoreallyuseit.JaneHardennowreallynevercaredanymoretoseeMelanctha,thoughMelancthastillalwaystriedtobegoodtoher.AndRose,shehatedthatstuckup,meanspeaking,nasty,drunkthing,JaneHarden.RosedidnotseehowMelancthacouldbeartoeverseeher,butMelancthaalwayswassogoodtoeverybody,sheneverwouldknowhowtoacttopeoplethewaytheydeservedthatsheshoulddoit.
RosedidnotknowmuchaboutMelanctha,andJeffCampbellandJaneHarden.AllRoseknewaboutMelancthawasheroldlifewithhermotherandherfather.RosewasalwaysgladtobegoodtopoorMelanctha,whohadhadsuchanawfultimewithhermotherandherfather,andnowshewasaloneandhadnobodywhocouldhelpher."HewasaawfulblackmantoyouMelanctha,Iliketogetmyhandsonhimsohecertainlycouldfeelit.IjustwouldMelanctha,nowyouhearme."
PerhapsitwasthissimplefaithandsimpleangerandsimplemoralwayofdoinginRose,thatMelancthanowfoundsuchacomforttoher.Rosewasselfishandwasstupidandwaslazy,butshewasdecentandknewalwayswhatwastherightwaysheshoulddo,andwhatshewanted,andshecertainlydidadmirehowbrightwasherfriendMelancthaHerbert,andshecertainlydidfeelhowverymuchitwasshealwayssufferedandshescoldedhertokeepherfrommoretrouble,andsheneverwasangrywhenshefoundsomeofthedifferentwaysMelancthaHerbertsometimeshadtodoit.
AndsoalwaysRoseandMelancthaweremoreandmoretogether,andJeffCampbellcouldnowhardlyeveranymorebealonewithMelanctha.
OnceJeffhadtogoawaytoanothertowntoseeasickman."WhenIcomebackMondayMelanctha,IcomeMondayeveningtoseeyou.YoubehomealoneonceMelancthatoseeme.""SureJeff,Ibegladtoseeyou!"
WhenJeffCampbellcametohishouseonMondaytherewasanotetherefromMelanctha.CouldJeffcomedayafterto-morrow,Wednesday?Melancthawasso
sorryshehadtogooutthatevening.ShewasawfulsorryandshehopedJeffwouldnotbeangry.
Jeffwasangryandhesworealittle,andthenhelaughed,andthenhesighed."PoorMelanctha,shedon'tknowanywaytoberealhonest,butnomatter,IsuredoloveherandIbegoodifonlyshewillletme."
JeffCampbellwentWednesdaynighttoseeMelanctha.JeffCampbelltookherinhisarmsandkissedher."IcertainlyamawfulsorrynottoseeyouJeffMonday,thewayIpromised,butIjustcouldn'tJeff,nowayIcouldfixit."Jefflookedatherandthenhelaughedalittleather."YouwantmetobelievethatreallynowMelanctha.AllrightIbelieveitifyouwantmetoMelanctha.Icertainlybegoodtoyoutonightthewayyoulikeit.IbelieveyoucertainlydidwanttoseemeMelanctha,andtherewasnowayyoucouldfixit.""OhJeffdear,"saidMelanctha,"Isurewaswrongtoactsotoyou.It'sawfulhardformeevertosayittoyou,Ihavebeenwronginmyactingtoyou,butIcertainlywasbadthistimeJefftoyou.ItdocertainlycomehardtometosayitJeff,butIcertainlywaswrongtogoawayfromyouthewayIdidit.OnlyyoualwayscertainlybeensobadJeff,andsuchabothertome,andmakingeverythingalwayssohardforme,andIcertainlygotsomewaytodoittomakeitcomebacksometimestoyou.YoubadboyJeff,nowyouhearme,andthiscertainlyisthefirsttimeJeffIeveryetsaidittoanybody,Ieverbeenwrong,Jeff,youhearme!""AllrightMelanctha,Isuredoforgiveyou,causeit'scertainlythefirsttimeIeverheardyousayyoueverdidanythingwrongthewayyoushouldn't,"andJeffCampbelllaughedandkissedher,andMelancthalaughedandlovedhim,andtheyreallywerehappynowforalittletimetogether.
Andnowtheywereveryhappyineachotherandthentheyweresilentandthentheybecamealittlesadderandthentheywereveryquietoncemorewitheachother.
"YesIcertainlydoloveyouJeff!"Melancthasaidandshewasverydreamy."Sure,Melanctha.""YesJeffsure,butnotthewayyouarenoweverthinking.IloveyoumoreandmoreseemstomeJeffalways,andIcertainlydotrustyoumoreandmorealwaystomewhenIknowyou.IdoloveyouJeff,sureyes,butnotthekindofwayoflovingyouareeverthinkingitnowJeffwithme.Iain'tgotcertainlynohotpassionanymorenowinme.YoucertainlyhavekilledallthatkindoffeelingnowJeffinme.YoucertainlydoknowthatJeff,nowthewayIamalways,whenIamlovingwithyou.YoucertainlydoknowthatJeff,
andthat'sthewayyoucertainlydolikeitnowinme.Youcertainlydon'tmindnowJeff,tohearmesaythistoyou."
JeffCampbellwashurtsothatitalmostkilledhim.Yeshecertainlydidknownowwhatitwastohaverealhotloveinhim,andyetMelancthacertainlywasright,hedidnotdeservesheshouldevergiveittohim."AllrightMelancthaIain'teverkicking.IalwayswillgiveyoucertainlyalwayseverythingyouwantthatIgotinme.Itakeanythingyouwantnowtogiveme.Idon'tsayneverMelancthaitdon'thurtme,butIcertainlydon'tsayeverMelancthaitoughtevertobeanydifferenttome."AndthebittertearsroseupinJeffCampbell,andtheycameandchokedhisvoicetobesilent,andheheldhimselfhardtokeepfrombreaking.
"GoodnightMelanctha,"andJeffwasveryhumbletoher."GoodnightJeff,Icertainlyneverdidmeananywaytohurtyou.Idoloveyou,sureJeffeverydaymoreandmore,allthetimeIknowyou.""IknowMelanctha,Iknow,it'snevernothingtome.Youcan'thelpit,anybodyeverthewaytheyarefeeling.It'sallrightnowMelanctha,youbelieveme,good-nightnowMelanctha,Igotnowtoleaveyou,good-byMelanctha,suredon'tlooksoworriedtome,sureMelancthaIcomeagainsoontoseeyou."AndthenJeffstumbleddownthesteps,andhewentawayfasttoleaveher.
AndnowthepaincamehardandharderinJeffCampbell,andhegroaned,andithurthimso,hecouldnotbearit.Andthetearscame,andhisheartbeat,andhewashotandwornandbitterinhim.
NowJeffknewverywellwhatitwastoloveMelanctha.NowJeffCampbellknewhewasreallyunderstanding.NowJeffknewwhatitwastobegoodtoMelanctha.NowJeffwasgoodtoheralways.
SlowlyJefffeltitacomfortinhimtohaveithurtso,andtobegoodtoMelancthaalways.NowtherewasnowayMelancthaeverhadhadtobearthingsfromhim,worsethanhenowhaditinhim.NowJeffwasstronginsidehim.Nowwithallthepaintherewaspeaceinhim.Nowheknewhewasunderstanding,nowheknewhehadahotloveinhim,andhewasgoodalwaystoMelancthaHerbertwhowastheonehadmadehimhaveit.Nowheknewhecouldbegood,andnotcryoutforhelptohertoteachhimhowtobearit.EverydayJefffelthimselfmoreastrongman,thewayheoncehadthoughtwashisrealself,thewayheknewit.NowJeffCampbellhadrealwisdominhim,andit
didnotmakehimbitterwhenithurthim,forJeffknewnowallthroughhimthathewasreallystrongtobearit.
AndsonowJeffCampbellcouldseeMelancthaoften,andhewaspatient,andalwaysveryfriendlytoher,andeverydayJeffCampbellunderstoodMelancthaHerbertbetter.AndalwaysJeffsawMelancthacouldnotlovehimthewayheneededsheshoulddoit.MelancthaHerberthadnowaysheeverreallycouldremember.
AndnowJeffknewtherewasamanMelancthametveryoften,andperhapsshewantedtotrytohavethismantobegood,forher.JeffCampbellneversawthemanMelancthaHerbertperhapsnowwanted.JeffCampbellonlyknewverywellthattherewasone.ThentherewasRosethatMelancthanowalwayshadwithherwhenshewandered.
JeffCampbellwasveryquiettoMelanctha.Hesaidtoher,nowhethoughthedidnotwanttocomeanymoreespeciallytoseeher.Whentheymet,healwayswouldbegladtoseeher,butnowheneverwouldgoanywhereanymoretomeether.Sureheknewshealwayswouldhaveadeeploveinhimforher.Suresheknewthat."YesJeff,IalwaystrustyouJeff,Icertainlydoknowthatallright."JeffCampbellsaid,allrighthenevercouldsayanythingtoreproachher.Sheknewalwaysthathereallyhadlearnedallthroughhimhowtoloveher."Yes,Jeff,Icertainlydoknowthat."Sheknewnowshecouldalwaystrusthim.Jeffalwayswouldbeloyaltoherthoughnowsheneverwasanymoretohimlikeareligion,buthenevercouldforgettherealsweetnessinher.ThatJeffmustrememberalways,thoughnowhenevercantrusthertobereallylovingtoanymanforalways,sheneverdidhaveanywaysheevercouldremember.Ifsheeverneededanybodytobegoodtoher,JeffCampbellalwayswoulddoanythinghecouldtohelpher.Henevercanforgetthethingsshetaughthimsohecouldbereallyunderstanding,butheneveranymorewantstoseeher.Hebelikeabrothertoheralways,whensheneedsit,andhealwayswillbeagoodfriendtoher.JeffCampbellcertainlywassorryneveranymoretoseeher,butitwasgoodthattheynowkneweachotherreally."Good-byeJeffyoualwaysbeenverygoodalwaystome.""Good-byeMelancthayouknowyoualwayscantrustyourselftome.""Yes,Iknow,IknowJeff,really.""IcertainlygottogonowMelanctha,fromyou.Igothistime,Melancthareally,"andJeffCampbellwentawayandthistimeheneverlookedbacktoher.ThistimeJeffCampbelljustbrokeawayandlefther.
JeffCampbelllovedtothinknowhewasstrongagaintobequiet,andtoliveregular,andtodoeverythingthewayhewantedittoberightforhimselfandallthecoloredpeople.Jeffwentawayforalittlewhiletoanothertowntoworkthere,andheworkedhard,andhewasverysadinsidehim,andsometimesthetearswouldriseupinhim,andthenhewouldworkhard,andthenhewouldbeginoncemoretoseesomebeautyintheworldaroundhim.Jeffhadbehavedrightandhehadlearnedtohavearealloveinhim.Thatwasverygoodtohaveinsidehim.
JeffCampbellnevercouldforgetthesweetnessinMelancthaHerbert,andhewasalwaysveryfriendlytoher,buttheyneveranymorecameclosetooneanother.MoreandmoreJeffCampbellandMelancthafellawayfromallknowingofeachother,butJeffnevercouldforgetMelanctha.Jeffnevercouldforgettherealsweetnessshehadinher,butJeffneveranymorehadthesenseofarealreligionforher.JeffalwayshadstronginhimthemeaningofallthenewkindofbeautyMelancthaHerbertoncehadshownhim,andalwaysmoreandmoreithelpedhimwithhisworkingforhimselfandforallthecoloredpeople.
MelancthaHerbert,nowthatshewasallthroughwithJeffCampbell,wasfreetobewithRoseandthenewmenshemetnow.
RosewasalwaysnowwithMelancthaHerbert.Roseneverfoundanywaytogetexcited.RosealwayswastellingMelancthaHerberttherightwaysheshoulddo,sothatshewouldnotalwaysbeintrouble.ButMelancthaHerbertcouldnothelpit,alwaysshewouldfindnewwaystogetexcited.
Melancthawasallreadynowtofindnewwaystobeintrouble.AndyetMelancthaHerbertneverwantednottodoright.AlwaysMelancthaHerbertwantedpeaceandquiet,andalwaysshecouldonlyfindnewwaystogetexcited.
"Melanctha,"Rosewouldsaytoher,"Melanctha,Icertainlyhavegottotellyou,youain'trighttoactsowiththatkindoffeller.Youbetterjusthadsticktoblackmennow,Melanctha,youhearmewhatItellyou,justthewayyoualwaysseemedoit.They'rerealbadmen,nowItellyouMelancthatrue,andyoubetterhadheartome.Ibeenraisedbyrealnicekindofwhitefolks,Melanctha,andIcertainlyknowsawfulwell,soonaseverIcansee'emacting,whatisawhitemanwillactdecenttoyouandthekinditain'tnevernogoodtoacoloredgirltoevergowith.NowyouknowrealMelancthahowIalwaysmeanrightgoodtoyou,andyouain'tgotnowaylikemeMelanctha,whatwasraisedbywhite
folks,toknowrightwhatisthewayyoushouldbeactingwithmen.Idon'tneverwanttoseeyouhavebadtroublecomehardtoyounowMelanctha,andsoyoujustheartomenowMelanctha,whatItellyou,forIknowsit.Idon'tsaynevercertainlytoyouMelanctha,youneverhadoughttohavenothingtodoeverwithnowhitemen,thoughitain'tnevertomeMelanctha,thebestkindofawayacoloredgirlcanhavetobeacting,noIneverdosaytoyouMelanctha,youhadn'tneveroughttobewithwhitemen,thoughitain'tneverthewayIfeeliteverreal,rightforadecentcoloredgirltobealwaysdoing,butnotneverMelanctha,nowyouhearme,nonotnevernokindofwhitemenlikeyoubeenwithalwaysnowMelancthawhenIseeyou.YoujustheartomeMelanctha,youcertainlyhadoughttoheartomeMelanctha,IsayitjustlikeIknowsitawfulwell,Melanctha,andIknowsyoudon'tknownobetter,Melanctha,howtoactso,thewaysIseenitwiththemkindofwhitefellers,themasnevercanknowwhattodorightbyadecentgirltheyhaveevergottobewiththem.NowyouheartomeMelanctha,whatItellyou."
AndsoitwasMelancthaHerbertfoundnewwaystobeintrouble.Butitwasnotverybadthistrouble,forthesewhitemenRoseneverwantedsheshouldbewith,nevermeantverymuchtoMelanctha.Itwasonlythatshelikedittobewiththem,andtheyknewallaboutfinehorses,anditwasjustgoodtoMelanctha,nowalittle,tofeelrealrecklesswiththem.ButmostlyitwasRoseandotherbetterkindofcoloredgirlsandcoloredmenwithwhomMelancthaHerbertnowalwayswandered.
Itwassummernowandthecoloredpeoplecameoutintothesunshine,fullblownwiththeflowers.Andtheyshoneinthestreetsandinthefieldswiththeirwarmjoy,andtheyglistenedintheirblackheat,andtheyflungthemselvesfreeintheirwideabandonmentofshoutinglaughter.
Itwasverypleasantinsomeways,thelifeMelancthaHerbertnowledwithRoseandalltheothers.ItwasnotalwaysthatRosehadtoscoldher.
Therewasnotanybodyofallthesecoloredpeople,exceptingonlyRose,whoevermeantmuchtoMelancthaHerbert.ButtheyalllikedMelanctha,andthemenalllikedtoseeherdothings,shewassogamealwaystodoanythinganybodyevercoulddo,andthenshewasgoodandsweettodoanythinganybodyeverwantedfromher.
Thesewerepleasantdaysthen,inthehotsouthernnegrosunshine,withmanysimplejokesandalwayswideabandonmentoflaughter."JustlookatthatMelancthatherearunning.Don'tshejustgolikeabirdwhensheisflying.HeyMelancthathere,Icomeandcatchyou,heyMelanctha,Iputsaltonyourtailtocatchyou,"andthenthemanwouldtrytocatchher,andhewouldfallfullontheearthandrollinanagonyofwide-mouthedshoutinglaughter.AndthiswasthekindofwayRosealwayslikedtohaveMelancthadoit,tobeengagedtohim,andtohaveagoodwarmniggertimewithcoloredmen,nottogoaboutwiththatkindofwhiteman,nevercouldknowhowtoactright,toanydecentkindofgirltheycouldevergettobewiththem.
Rose,alwaysmoreandmore,likedMelancthaHerbertbetter.RoseoftenhadtoscoldMelancthaHerbert,butthatonlymadeherlikeMelancthabetter.AndthenMelancthaalwayslistenedtoher,andalwaysactedeverywayshecouldtopleaseher.AndthenRosewassosorryforMelanctha,whenshewassobluesometimes,andwantedsomebodyshouldcomeandkillher.
AndMelancthaHerbertclungtoRoseinthehopethatRosecouldsaveher.MelancthafeltthepowerofRose'sselfish,decentkindofnature.Itwassosolid,simple,certaintoher.MelancthaclungtoRose,shelovedtohaveherscoldher,shealwayswantedtobewithher.Shealwaysfeltasolidsafetyinher;Rosealwayswas,inherway,verygoodtoletMelancthabelovingtoher.Melancthaneverhadanywayshecouldreallybeatroubletoher.Melancthaneverhadanywaythatshecouldevergetrealpower,tocomecloseinsidetoher.Melancthawasalwaysveryhumbletoher.MelancthawasalwaysreadytodoanythingRosewantedfromher.MelancthaneededbadlytohaveRosealwayswillingtoletMelancthaclingtoher.Rosewasasimple,sullen,selfish,blackgirl,butshehadasolidpowerinher.Rosehadstrongthesenseofdecentconduct,shehadstrongthesenseofdecentcomfort.Rosealwaysknewverywellwhatitwasshewanted,andsheknewverywellwhatwastherightwaytodotogeteverythingshewanted,andsheneverhadanykindoftroubletoperplexher.AndsothesubtleintelligentattractivehalfwhitegirlMelancthaHerbertlovedanddidfor,anddemeanedherselfinservicetothiscoarse,decent,sullen,ordinary,black,childishRoseandnowthisunmoralpromiscuousshiftlessRosewastobemarriedtoagoodmanofthenegroes,whileMelancthaHerbertwithherwhitebloodandattractionandherdesireforarightpositionwasperhapsnevertobereallyregularlymarried.Sometimesthethoughtofhowallherworldwasmadefilledthecomplex,desiringMelancthawithdespair.Shewonderedoftenhowshecouldgoonlivingwhenshewassoblue.SometimesMelancthathoughtshe
wouldjustkillherself,forsometimesshethoughtthiswouldbereallythebestthingforhertodo.
Rosewasnowtobemarriedtoadecentgoodmanofthenegroes.HisnamewasSamJohnson,andheworkedasadeck-handonacoastingsteamer,andhewasverysteady,andhegotgoodwages.
RosefirstmetSamJohnsonatchurch,thesameplacewhereshehadmetMelancthaHerbert.RoselikedSamwhenshesawhim,sheknewhewasagoodmanandworkedhardandgotgoodwages,andRosethoughtitwouldbeveryniceandverygoodnowinherpositiontogetreally,regularlymarried.
SamJohnsonlikedRoseverywellandhealwayswasreadytodoanythingshewanted.Samwasatall,squareshouldered,decent,aserious,straightforward,simple,kindly,coloredworkman.Theygotonverywelltogether,SamandRose,whentheyweremarried.Rosewaslazy,butnotdirty,andSamwascarefulbutnotfussy.Samwasakindly,simple,earnest,steadyworkman,andRosehadgoodcommondecentsenseinher,ofhowtoliveregular,andnottohaveexcitements,andtobesavingsoyoucouldbealwayssuretohavemoney,soastohaveeverythingyouwanted.
ItwasnotverylongthatRoseknewSamJohnson,beforetheywereregularlymarried.SometimesSamwentintothecountrywithalltheotheryoungchurchpeople,andthenhewouldbeagreatdealwithRoseandwithherMelancthaHerbert.SamdidnotcaremuchaboutMelancthaHerbert.HelikedRose'swaysofdoing,alwaysbetter.Melanctha'smysteryhadnocharmforSamever.Samwantedanicelittlehousetocometowhenhewastiredfromhisworking,andalittlebabyallhisownhecouldbegoodto.SamJohnsonwasreadytomarryassoonaseverRosewantedheshoulddoit.AndsoSamJohnsonandRoseonedayhadagrandrealweddingandweremarried.Thentheyfurnishedcompletely,alittleredbrickhouseandthenSamwentbacktohisworkasdeckhandonacoastingsteamer.
RosehadoftentalkedtoSamabouthowgoodMelancthawasandhowmuchshealwayssuffered.SamJohnsonneverreallycaredaboutMelancthaHerbert,buthealwaysdidalmosteverythingRoseeverwanted,andhewasagentle,kindlycreature,andsohewasverygoodtoRose'sfriendMelanctha.MelancthaHerbertknewverywellSamdidnotlikeher,andsoshewasveryquiet,andalwaysletRosedothetalkingforher.Sheonlywasverygoodtoalwayshelp
Rose,andtodoanythingsheeverwantedfromher,andtobeverygoodandlistenandbequietwheneverSamhadanythingtosaytoher.MelancthalikedSamJohnson,andallherlifeMelancthalovedandwantedgoodandkindandconsideratepeople,andalwaysMelancthalovedandwantedpeopletobegentletoher,andalwaysshewantedtoberegular,andtohavepeaceandquietinher,andalwaysMelancthacouldonlyfindnewwaystobeintrouble.AndMelancthaneededbadlytohaveRose,tobelieveher,andtoletherclingtoher.RosewastheonlysteadythingMelancthahadtoclingtoandsoMelancthademeanedherselftobelikeaservant,towaiton,andalwaystobescolded,bythisordinary,sullen,black,stupid,childishwoman.
RosewasalwaystellingSamhemustbegoodtopoorMelanctha."YouknowSam,"Rosesaidveryoftentohim,"YoucertainlyhadoughttobeverygoodtopoorMelanctha,shealwaysdohavesomuchtroublewithher.YouknowSamhowItoldyoushehadsuchabadtimealwayswiththatfather,andhewasawfulmeantoheralwaysthatawfulblackman,andhenevertooknokindofcareevertoher,andheneverhelpedherwhenhermotherdiedsohard,thatpoorMelanctha.Melanctha'smayouknowSam,alwayswasjustrealreligious.OnedayMelancthawasreallittle,andsheheardhermasaytoherpa,itwasawfulsadtoher,MelancthahadnotbeentheonetheLordhadtookfromthemsteadofthelittlebrotherwhowasdeadinthehousetherefromfever.ThathurtMelancthaawfulwhensheheardhermasayit.Shenevercouldfeelitright,andIdon'tnowaysblameMelanctha,Sam,fornotfeelingbettertohermaalwaysafter,thoughMelanctha,justlikealwayssheis,alwayswasrealgoodtohermaafter,whenshewassosick,anddiedsohard,andnobodynevertohelpMelancthadoit,andshejustallalonetodoeverythingwithoutnohelpcometohernoway,andthatuglyawfulblackmanshehaveforafatherneverallthetimecomenearher.Butthat'salwaysthewayMelancthaisjustdoingSam,thewayIbeentellingtoyou.Shealwaysisbeingjustsogoodtoeverybodyandnobodyevertheretothankherforit.IneverdidseenobodyeverSam,havesuchbadluck,seemstomealwayswiththem,likethatpoorMelancthaalwayshasit,andshealwayssogoodwithit,andnevernomurmurinher,andnevernocomplainingfromher,andjustneversayingnothingwithit.YouberealgoodtoherSam,nowyouhearme,nowyouandmeismarriedrighttogether.HecertainlywasanawfulblackmantoherSam,thatfathershehad,actingalwaysjustlikeabrutetoherandshesogameandnevertotellanybodyhowithurther.Andshesosweetandgoodalwaystodoanythinganybodyevercanbewanting.Idon'tseeSamhowsomemencanbetoactsoawful.ItoldyouSam,howonceMelancthabrokeherarmbadandshewassosickandithurtherawfulandhe
neverwouldletnodoctorcomeneartoherandhedosomethingssoawfultoher,shedon'tneverwanttotellnobodyhowbadhehurther.That'sjustthewaySamwithMelancthaalways,younevercanknowhowbaditis,ithurtsher.YouhearmeSam,youalwaysberealgoodtohernowyouandmeismarriedrighttoeachother."
AndsoRoseandSamJohnsonwereregularlymarried,andRosesatathomeandbraggedtoallherfriendshowniceitwastobemarriedreallytoahusband.
RosedidnothaveMelancthatolivewithher,nowRosewasmarried.MelancthawaswithRosealmostasmuchaseverbutitwasalittledifferentnowtheirbeingtogether.
RoseJohnsonneveraskedMelancthatolivewithherinthehouse,nowRosewasmarried.RoselikedtohaveMelancthacomeallthetimetohelpher,RoselikedMelancthatobealmostalwayswithher,butRosewasshrewdinhersimpleselfishnature,shedidnoteverthinktoaskMelancthatolivewithher.
Rosewashardheaded,shewasdecent,andshealwaysknewwhatitwassheneeded.RoseneededMelancthatobewithher,shelikedtohaveherhelpher,thequick,goodMelancthatodofortheslow,lazy,selfish,blackgirl,butRosecouldhaveMelancthatodoforherandshedidnotneedhertolivewithher.
SamneveraskedRosewhyshedidnothaveher.SamalwaystookwhatRosewantedshouldbedoneforMelanctha,astherightwayheshouldacttowardher.
ItcouldnevercometoMelancthatoaskRosetolether.ItnevercouldcometoMelancthatothinkthatRosewouldaskher.ItwouldneverevercometoMelancthatowantit,ifRoseshouldaskher,butMelancthawouldhavedoneitforthesafetyshealwaysfeltwhenshewasnearher.MelancthaHerbertwantedbadlytobesafenow,butthislivingwithher,that,Rosewouldnevergiveher.Rosehadstrongthesensefordecentcomfort,Rosehadstrongthesenseforproperconduct,Rosehadstrongthesensetogetstraightalwayswhatshewanted,andshealwaysknewwhatwasthebestthingsheneeded,andalwaysRosegotwhatshewanted.
AndsoRosehadMelancthaHerbertalwaystheretohelpher,andshesatandwaslazyandshebraggedandshecomplainedalittleandshetoldMelancthahowsheoughttodo,togetgoodwhatshewantedlikesheRosealwaysdidit,andalwaysMelancthawasdoingeverythingRoseeverneeded."Don'tyou
botherso,doingthatMelanctha,IdoitorSamwhenhecomeshometohelpme.Sureyoudon'tmindliftingitMelanctha?YouisverygoodMelancthatodoit,andwhenyougooutMelanctha,youstopandgetsomericetobringmeto-morrowwhenyoucomein.Sureyouwon'tforgetMelanctha.IneverseeanybodylikeyouMelancthatoalwaysdothingssoniceforme."AndthenMelancthawoulddosomemoreforRose,andthenverylateMelancthawouldgohometothecoloredwomanwhereshelivednow.
AndsothoughMelancthastillwassomuchwithRoseJohnson,shehadtimeswhenshecouldnotstaythere.Melancthanowcouldnotreallyclingthere.RosehadSam,andMelancthamoreandmorelosttheholdshehadhadthere.
MelancthaHerbertbegantofeelshemustbeginagaintolookandseeifshecouldfindwhatitwasshehadalwayswanted.NowRoseJohnsoncouldnolongerhelpher.
AndsoMelancthaHerbertbeganoncemoretowanderandwithmenRoseneverthoughtitwasrightsheshouldbewith.
OnedayMelancthahadbeenverybusywiththedifferentkindsofwaysshewandered.Itwasapleasantlateafternoonattheendofalongsummer.Melancthawaswalkingalong,andshewasfreeandexcited.Melancthahadjustpartedfromawhitemanandshehadabunchofflowershehadleftwithher.Ayoungbuck,amulatto,passedbyandsnatchedthemfromher."Itcertainlyisrealsweetinyousister,tobegivingmethemprettyflowers,"hesaidtoher.
"Idon'tseenowayitcanmakethemsweetertohavewithyou,"saidMelanctha."Whatonemangives,anothermanhadcertainlyjustasmuchgoodrighttobetaking.""Keepyouroldflowersthen,Icertainlydon'tneverwanttohavethem."MelancthaHerbertlaughedathimandtookthem."No,Ididn'tnohowthinkyoureallydidwanttohavethem.Thankyoukindlymister,forthem.Icertainlyalwaysdoadmiretoseeamanalwayssokindofrealpolitetopeople."Themanlaughed,"Youain'tnobody'sfoolIcansayforyou,butyoucertainlyareadamnedprettykindofgirl,nowIlookatyou.Wantmentobepolitetoyou?Allright,Icanloveyou,that'srealpolitenow,wanttoseemetryit.""Icertainlyain'tgotnotimethiseveningjustonlylefttothankyou.Icertainlygottoberealbusynow,butIcertainlyalwayswilladmiretoseeyou."Themantriedtocatchandstopher,MelancthaHerbertlaughedanddodgedsothathecouldnottouchher.Melancthawentquicklydownasidestreetnearherandsothemanforthat
timelosther.
ForsomedaysMelancthadidnotseeanymoreofhermulatto.OnedayMelancthawaswithawhitemanandtheysawhim.Thewhitemanstoppedtospeaktohim.AfterwardsMelancthaleftthewhitemanandshethensoonmethim.Melancthastoppedtotalktohim.MelancthaHerbertsoonbegantolikehim.
JemRichards,thenewmanMelancthahadbeguntoknownow,wasadashingkindoffellow,whohadtodowithfinehorsesandwithracing.SometimesJemRichardswouldbebettingandwouldbegoodandlucky,andbemakinglotsofmoney.SometimesJemwouldbebettingbadly,andthenhewouldnotbehavinganymoney.
JemRichardswasastraightman.JemRichardsalwaysknewthatbyandbyhewouldwinagainandpayit,andsoJemmostlydidwinagain,andthenhealwayspaidit.
JemRichardswasamanothermenalwaystrusted.Mengavehimmoneywhenhelostallhis,fortheyallknewJemRichardswouldwinagain,andwhenhedidwintheyknew,andtheywereright,thathewouldpayit.
MelancthaHerbertallherlifehadalwayslovedtobewithhorses.MelancthalikeditthatJemknewallaboutfinehorses.HewasarecklessmanwasJemRichards.Heknewhowtowinout,andalwaysallherlife,MelancthaHerbertlovedsuccessfulpower.
MelancthaHerbertalwayslikedJemRichardsbetter.Thingssoonbegantobeverystrongbetweenthem.
JemwasmoregameeventhanMelanctha.Jemalwayshadknownwhatitwastohaverealwisdom.Jemhadalwaysallhislifebeenunderstanding.
JemRichardsmadeMelancthaHerbertcomefastwithhim.Henevergaveheranytimewithwaiting.SoonMelancthaalwayshadJemwithher.Melancthadidnotwantanythingbetter.NowinJemRichards,Melancthafoundeverythingshehadeverneededtocontenther.
MelancthawasnowlessandlesswithRoseJohnson.Rosedidnotthinkmuchof
thewayMelancthanowwasgoing.JemRichardswasallright,onlyMelancthaneverhadnosenseoftherightkindofwaysheshouldbedoing.RoseoftenwastellingSamnow,shedidnotlikethefastwayMelancthawasgoing.RosetoldittoSam,andtoallthegirlsandmen,whenshesawthem.ButRosewasnothingjustthentoMelanctha.MelancthaHerbertnowonlyneededJemRichardstobewithher.
AndthingswerealwaysgettingstrongerbetweenJemRichardsandMelancthaHerbert.JemRichardsbegantotalknowasifhewantedtogetmarriedtoher.Jemwasdeepinhislovenowforher.AndasforMelanctha,Jemwasalltheworldnowtoher.AndsoJemgaveheraring,likewhitefolks,toshowhewasengagedtoher,andwouldbyandbybemarriedtoher.AndMelancthawasfilledfullwithjoytohaveJemsogoodtoher.
MelancthaalwayslovedtogowithJemtotheraces.Jemhadbeenluckylatelywithhisbetting,andhehadaswellturn-outtodrivein,andMelancthalookedveryhandsometherebesidehim.
MelancthawasveryproudtohaveJemRichardswanther.MelancthaloveditthewayJemknewhowtodoit.MelancthalovedJemandlovedthatheshouldwanther.Shelovedittoo,thathewantedtobemarriedtoher.JemRichardswasastraightdecentman,whomothermenalwayslookeduptoandtrusted.Melancthaneededbadlyamantocontenther.
Melanctha'sjoymadeherfoolish.MelancthatoldeverybodyabouthowJemRichards,thatswellmanwhoownedallthosefinehorsesandwassogame,nothingeverscaredhim,wasengagedtobemarriedtoher,andthatwastheringhegaveher.
MelancthaletoutherjoyveryoftentoRoseJohnson.Melancthahadbegunagainnowtogothere.
Melanctha'sloveforJemmadeherfoolish.MelancthahadtohavesomeonealwaysnowtotalktoandsoshewentoftentoRoseJohnson.
MelancthaputallherselfintoJemRichards.Shewasmadandfoolishinthejoyshehadthere.
RoseneverlikedthewayMelancthadidit."NoSamIdon'tsayneverMelancthaain'tengagedtoJemRichardsthewayshealwayssaysit,andJemheisallright
forthatkindofmanheis,thoughhedothinkhimselfsosmartandlikeheownstheearthandeverythinghecangetwithit,andhesuregaveMelancthaaringlikehereallymeantheshouldbemarriedrightsoonwithit,onlySam,Idon'teverlikeitthewayMelancthaisgoing.WhensheisengagedtohimSam,sheain'tnotrighttotakeonsoexcited.Thatain'tnodecentkindofawayagirlevershouldbeacting.Thereain'tnokindofamangoingstandthat,notlikeIknowsmenSam,andIsuredoesknowthem.IknowsthemwhiteandIknowsthemcolored,forIwasraisedbywhitefolks,andtheydon'tnoneofthemlikeagirltoactso.That'sallrighttobesowhenyouisjustonlyloving,butitain'tnowaysrighttobeactingsowhenyouisengagedtohim,andwhenhesays,allrighthegetreallyregularlymarriedtoyou.YouseeSamIamrightlikeIamalwaysandIknowsit.JemRichards,heain'tgoingtothelasttogetrealmarried,notifIknowsitright,thewayMelancthanowisactingtohim.Ringsoranythingain'tnothingtothem,andtheydon'tneverdonogoodforthem,whenagirlactsfoolishlikeMelancthaalwaysnowisacting.IcertainlywillberightsorrySam,ifMelancthahasrealbadtroublecomenowtoher,butIcertainlydon'tnowayslikeitSamthekindofwayMelancthaisactingtohim.Idon'tneversaynothingtoherSam.Ijustlistenstowhatsheissayingalways,andIthinksitoutlikeIamtellingtoyouSambutIdon'tneversaynothingnomorenowtoMelanctha.Melancthadidn'tsaynothingtomeaboutthatJemRichardstillshewasalllikefinishedwithhim,andIneverdidlikeitSam,much,thewayshewasacting,notcominghereneverwhenshefirstranwiththosemenandmethim.AndIdidn'tneversaynothingtoher,Sam,aboutit,anditain'tnothingevertome,onlyIdon'tnevernomorewanttosaynothingtoher,soIjustlistenstowhatshegottotelllikeshewantsit.NoSam,Idon'tneverwanttosaynothingtoher.Melancthajustgottogoherownway,notasIwanttoseeherhavebadtroubleevercomehardtoher,onlyitain'tinmeneverSam,afterMelancthadidso,evertosaynothingmoretoherhowsheshouldbeacting.YoujustseeSamlikeItellyou,whatwayJemRichardswillacttoher,youseeSamIjustamrightlikeIalwaysamwhenIknowsit."
MelancthaHerbertneverthoughtshecouldeveragainbeintrouble.Melanctha'sjoyhadmadeherfoolish.
AndnowJemRichardshadsomebadtroublewithhisbetting.Melancthasometimesfeltnowwhenshewaswithhimthattherewassomethingwronginsidehim.MelancthaknewhehadhadtroublewithhisbettingbutMelancthaneverfeltthatthatcouldmakeanydifferencetothem.
MelancthaoncehadtoldJem,sureheknewshealwayswouldlovetobewithhim,ifhewasinjailoronlyjustabeggar.NowMelancthasaidtohim,"SureyouknowJemthatitdon'tnevermakeanykindofdifferenceyou'rehavinganykindoftrouble,youjusttrymeJemandbegame,don'tlooksoworriedtome.JemsureIknowyoulovemelikeIloveyoualways,anditsallIevercouldbewantingJemtome,justyourwantingmealwaystobewithyou.IgetmarriedJemtoyousooneverasyoucanwantme,ifyouoncesayitJemtome.Itain'tnothingtomeever,anythinglikehavinganymoneyJem,whyyoulooksoworriedtome."
MelancthaHerbert'slovehadsurelymadehermadandfoolish.ShethrustitalwaysdeepintoJemRichardsandnowthathehadtroublewithhisbetting,Jemhadnowaythatheeverwantedtobemadetofeelit.JemRichardsnevercouldwanttomarryanygirlwhilehehadtrouble.Thatwasnowayamanlikehimshoulddoit.Melanctha'slovehadmadehermadandfoolish,sheshouldbesilentnowandlethimdoit.JemRichardswasnotakindofmantowantawomantobestrongtohim,whenhewasintroublewithhisbetting.Thatwasnotthekindofatimewhenamanlikehimneededtohaveit.
Melancthaneededsobadlytohaveit,thislovewhichshehadalwayswanted,shedidnotknowwhatsheshoulddotosaveit.Melancthasawnow,JemRichardsalwayshadsomethingwronginsidehim.Melancthasoondarednotaskhim.Jemwasbusynow,hehadtosellthingsandseementoraisemoney.JemcouldnotmeetMelancthanowsooften.
ItwasluckyforMelancthaHerbertthatRoseJohnsonwascomingnowtohaveherbaby.Ithadalwaysbeenunderstoodbetweenthem,RoseshouldcomeandstaytheninthehousewhereMelancthalivedwithanoldcoloredwoman,sothatRosecouldhavetheDoctorfromthehospitalnearbytohelpher,andMelancthatheretotakecareofherthewayMelancthaalwaysusedtodoit.
MelancthawasverygoodnowtoRoseJohnson.Melancthadideverythingthatanywomancould,shetendedRose,andshewaspatient,submissive,soothinganduntiring,whilethesullen,childish,cowardly,blackRosiegrumbled,andfussed,andhowled,andmadeherselftobeanabominationandlikeasimplebeast.
AllthistimeMelancthawasalwaysbeingeverynowandthenwithJemRichards.MelancthawasbeginningtobestrongerwithJemRichards.Melanctha
wasneversostrongandsweetandinhernatureaswhenshewasdeepintrouble,whenshewasfightingsowithallshehad,shecouldnotdoanyfoolishthingwithhernature.
AlwaysnowMelancthaHerbertcamebackagaintobenearertoRoseJohnson.AlwaysnowMelancthawouldtellallabouthertroublestoRoseJohnson.Rosehadbegunnowalittleagaintoadviseher.
MelancthaalwaystoldRosenowaboutthetalksshehadwithJemRichards,talkswheretheyneitherofthemlikedverywellwhattheotheronewassaying.MelancthadidnotknowwhatitwasJemRichardswanted.AllMelancthaknewwas,hedidnotlikeitwhenshewantedtobegoodfriendsandgetreallymarried,andthenwhenMelancthawouldsay,"allright,IneverwearyourringnomoreJem,weain'tnotanymoretomeeteverlikeweevergoingtogetreallyregularmarried,"thenJemdidnotlikeiteither.WhatwasitJemRichardsreallywanted?
MelancthastoppedwearingJem'sringonherfinger.PoorMelanctha,sheworeitonastringshetiedaroundhernecksothatshecouldalwaysfeelit,butMelancthawasstrongnowwithJemRichards,andheneversawit.AndsometimesJemseemedtobeawfulsorryforit,andsometimesheseemedkindofgladofit.MelancthanevercouldmakeoutreallywhatitwasJemRichardswanted.
TherewasnootherwomanyettoJem,thatMelancthaknew,andsoshealwaystrustedthatJemwouldcomebacktoher,deepinhislove,thewayoncehehadhaditandhadmadealltheworldlikesheoncehadneverbelievedanybodycouldreallymakeit.ButJemRichardswasmoregamethanMelancthaHerbert.Heknewhowtofighttowinout,better.Melancthareallyhadalreadylostit,innotkeepingquietandwaitingforJemtodoit.
JemRichardswasnotyethavingbetterluckinhisbetting.Heneverbeforehadhadsuchalongtimewithoutsomegoodcomingtohiminhisbetting.SometimesJemtalkedasifhewantedtogooffonatripsomewhereandtrysomeotherplaceforluckwithhisbetting.JemRichardsnevertalkedasifhewantedtotakeMelancthawithhim.
AndsoMelancthasometimeswasreallytrusting,andsometimesshewasallsickinsideherwithherdoubting.WhatwasitJemreallywantedtodowithher?He
didnothaveanyotherwoman,inthatMelancthacouldbereallytrusting,andwhenshesaidnotohim,nosheneverwouldcomenearhim,nowhedidnotwanttohaveher,thenJemwouldchangeandswear,yessurehedidwanther,nowandalwaysrightherenearhim,buthenevernowanymoresaidhewantedtobemarriedsoontoher.ButthenJemRichardsneverwouldmarryagirl,hesaidthatveryoften,whenhewasinthiskindoftrouble,andnowhedidnotseeanywayhecouldgetoutofhistrouble.ButMelancthaoughttowearhisring,suresheknewheneverhadlovedanykindofwomanlikehelovedher.Melancthawouldweartheringalittlewhile,andthentheywouldhavesomemoretrouble,andthenshewouldsaytohim,noshecertainlyneverwouldanymorewearanythinghegaveher,andthenshewouldwearitonthestringsonobodycouldseeitbutshecouldalwaysfeelitonher.
PoorMelanctha,surelyherlovehadmadehermadandfoolish.
AndnowMelancthaneededalwaysmoreandmoretobewithRoseJohnson,andRosehadcommencedagaintoadviseher,butRosecouldnothelpher.Therewasnowaynowthatanybodycouldadviseher.ThetimewhenMelancthacouldhavechangeditwithJemRichardswasnowallpastforher.Roseknewit,andMelancthatoo,sheknewit,anditalmostkilledhertoletherselfbelieveit.
TheonlycomfortMelancthaeverhadnowwaswaitingonRosetillshewassotiredshecouldhardlystandit.AlwaysMelancthadideverythingRoseeverwanted.SamJohnsonbegannowtobeverygentleandalittletendertoMelanctha.ShewassogoodtoRoseandSamwassogladtohavehertheretohelpRoseandtodothingsandtobeacomforttoher.
RosehadahardtimetobringherbabytoitsbirthandMelancthadideverythingthatanywomancould.
Thebabythoughitwashealthyafteritwasborndidnotlivelong.RoseJohnsonwascarelessandnegligentandselfishandwhenMelancthahadtoleaveforafewdaysthebabydied.RoseJohnsonhadlikedherbabywellenoughandperhapsshejustforgotitforawhile,anywaythechildwasdeadandRoseandSamwereverysorry,butthenthesethingscamesoofteninthenegroworldinBridgepointthattheyneitherofthemthoughtaboutitverylong.WhenRosehadbecomestrongagainshewentbacktoherhousewithSam.AndSamJohnsonwasalwaysnowverygentleandkindandgoodtoMelancthawhohadbeensogoodtoRoseinherbadtrouble.
MelancthaHerbert'stroubleswithJemRichardswerenevergettinganybetter.Jemalwaysnowhadlessandlesstimetobewithher.WhenJemwaswithMelancthanowhewasgoodenoughtoher.JemRichardswasworriedwithhisbetting.NeversinceJemhadfirstbeguntomakealivinghadheeverhadsomuchtroubleforsuchalongtimetogetherwithhisbetting.JemRichardswasgoodenoughnowtoMelancthabuthehadnotmuchstrengthtogiveher.Melancthacouldneveranymorenowmakehimquarrelwithher.Melancthanevernowcouldcomplainofhistreatmentofher,forsurely,hesaiditalwaysbyhisactionstoher,surelyshemustknowhowamanwaswhenhehadtroubleonhismindwithtryingtomakethingsgoalittlebetter.
SometimesJemandMelancthahadlongtalkswhentheyneitherofthemlikedverywellwhattheotheronewassaying,butmostlynowMelancthacouldnotmakeJemRichardsquarrelwithher,andmoreandmore,Melancthacouldnotfindanywaytomakeitrighttoblamehimforthetroubleshenowalwayshadinsideher.Jemwasgoodtoher,andsheknew,forhetoldher,thathehadtroubleallthetimenowwithhisbetting.MelancthaknewverywellthatforheritwasallwronginsideJemRichards,butMelancthahadnownowaythatshecouldreallyreachhim.
ThingsbetweenMelancthaandJemRichardswerenownevergettinganybetter.MelancthanowmoreandmoreneededtobewithRoseJohnson.RosestilllikedtohaveMelancthacometoherhouseanddothingsforher,andRoselikedtogrumbletoherandtoscoldherandtotellMelancthawhatwasthewayMelancthaalwaysshouldbedoingsoshecouldmakethingscomeoutbetterandnotalwaysbesomuchintrouble.SamJohnsoninthesedayswasalwaysverygoodandgentletoMelanctha.Samwasnowbeginningtobeverysorryforher.
JemRichardsnevermadethingsanybetterforMelanctha.OftenJemwouldtalksoastomakeMelancthaalmostcertainthatheneveranymorewantedtohaveher.ThenMelancthawouldgetveryblue,andshewouldsaytoRose,sureshewouldkillherself,forthatcertainlynowwasthebestwayshecoulddo.
RoseJohnsonneversawittheleastbitthatway."Idon'tseeMelancthawhyyoushouldtalklikeyouwouldkillyourselfjustbecauseyou'reblue.I'dneverkillmyselfMelancthacauseIwasblue.I'dmaybekillsomebodyelsebutI'dneverkillmyself.IfIeverkilledmyself,Melancthait'dbebyaccidentandifIeverkilledmyselfbyaccident,Melanctha,I'dbeawfulsorry.AndthatcertainlyisthewayyoushouldfeelitMelanctha,nowyouhearme,notjusttalkingfoolishlike
youalwaysdo.Itcertainlyisonlyyourwayjustalwaysbeingfoolishmakesyouallthattroubletocometoyoualwaysnow,Melanctha,andIcertainlyrightwellknowsthat.YoucertainlynevercanlearnnowayMelancthaeverwithallIcertainlybeentellingtoyou,eversinceIknowyougood,thatitain'tnevernowaylikeyoudoalwaysistherightwayyoubeactingeverandtalking,thewayIcertainlyalwayshaveseenyoudosoMelancthaalways.IcertainlyamrightMelancthaaboutthemwaysyouhavetodoit,andIknowsit;butyoucertainlynevercannowayslearntoactrightMelanctha,Icertainlydoknowthat,IcertainlydomybestMelancthatohelpyouwithitonlyyoucertainlyneverdoactrightMelanctha,nottonobodyever,Icanseeit.YouneveractrightbymeMelancthanomorethanbyeverybody.IneversaynothingtoyouMelancthawhenyoudoso,forIcertainlyneverdolikeitwhenIjustgottosayittoyou,butyoujustcertainlydonewiththatJemRichardsyoualwayssaywantedrealbadtobemarriedtoyou,justlikeIalwayssaidtoSamyoucertainlywasgoingtodoit.AndIcertainlyamrealkindofsorrylikeforyouMelanctha,butyoucertainlyhadoughttohavecometoseemetotalktoyou,whenyoufirstwasengagedtohimsoIcouldshowyou,andnowyougotallthistroublecometoyouMelancthalikeIcertainlyknowyoualwayscatchit.Itcertainlyain'tneverMelancthaIain'trealsorrytoseetroublecomesohardtoyou,butIcertainlycanseeMelancthaitallisalwaysjustthewayyoualwaysbehavingitinyounotnevertodoright.Andnowyoualwaystalklikeyoujustkillyourselfbecauseyouaresoblue,thatcertainlyneverisMelanctha,nokindofawayforanydecentkindofagirltodo."
RosehadbeguntobestrongnowtoscoldMelancthaandshewasimpatientveryoftenwithher,butRosecouldnowneveranymorebeahelptoher.MelancthaHerbertnevercouldknownowwhatitwasrightsheshoulddo.MelancthaalwayswantedtohaveJemRichardswithherandnowheneverseemedtowanther,andwhatcouldMelancthado.Surelyshewasrightnowwhenshesaidshewouldjustkillherself,forthatwastheonlywaynowshecoulddo.
SamJohnsonalways,moreandmore,wasgoodandgentletoMelanctha.PoorMelanctha,shewassogoodandsweettodoanythinganybodyeverwanted,andMelancthaalwayslikeditifshecouldhavepeaceandquiet,andalwaysshecouldonlyfindnewwaystobeintrouble.SamoftensaidthisnowtoRoseaboutMelanctha.
"Icertainlydon'tneverwantSamtosaybadthingsaboutMelanctha,forshecertainlyalwaysdohavemostawfulkindoftroublecomehardtoher,butI
nevercansayIlikeitrealrightSamthewayMelancthaalwayshastodoit.Itsnowjustthesamewithherlikeitisalwaysshehasgottodoit,nowthewaysheiswiththatJemRichards.Hecertainlynowdon'tneverwanttohaveherbutMelancthasheain'tgotnorightkindofspirit.NoSamIdon'tneverlikethewayanymoreMelancthaisactingtohim,andthenSam,sheain'tneverrealrighthonest,thewayshealwaysshoulddoit.Shecertainlyjustdon'tkindofneverSamtellrightwhatwaysheisdoingwithit.Idon'tneverliketosaynothingSamnomoretoheraboutthewayshealwayshastobeacting.Shealwayssay,yesallrightRose,Idothewayyousayit,andthenSamshedon'tnevernowaysdoit.Shecertainlyisrightsweetandgood,Sam,isMelanctha,nobodyevercanhearmesaysheain'talwaysreadytodothingsforeverybodyanywaysheevercanseetodoit,onlySamsomewayssheneverdoesactrealrightever,andsomeways,Sam,sheain'teverrealhonestwithit.AndSamsometimesIhearawfulkindofthingsshebeendoing,somegirlsknowaboutherhowshedoesit,andsometimestheytellmewhatkindofwaysshehastodoit,andSamitcertainlydoseemtomelikemoreandmoreIcertainlyamawfulafraidMelancthaneverwillcometoanygood.AndthenSam,sometimes,youhearit,shealwaystalklikeshekillherselfallthetimesheissoblue,andSamthatcertainlyneverisnokindofwayanydecentgirleverhadoughttodo.YouseeSam,howIamrightlikeIalwaysiswhenIknowsit.Youjustbecareful,Sam,nowyouhearme,youbecarefulSamsure,Itellyou,MelancthamoreandmoreIseeherIcertainlydofeelMelancthanowayisreallyhonest.Youbecareful,Samnow,likeItellyou,forIknowsit,nowyouheartome,Sam,whatItellyou,forIcertainlyalwaysisright,Sam,whenIknowsit."
AtfirstSamtriedalittletodefendMelanctha,andSamalwayswasgoodandgentletoher,andSamlikedthewaysMelancthahadtobequiettohim,andtoalwayslistenasifshewaslearning,whenshewasthereandheardhimtalking,andthenSamlikedthesweetwayshealwaysdideverythingsonicelyforhim;butSamneverlikedtofightwithanybodyever,andsurelyRoseknewbestaboutMelancthaandanywaySamneverdidreallycaremuchaboutMelanctha.Hermysteryneverhadhadanyinterestforhim.SamlikeditthatshewassweettohimandthatshealwaysdideverythingRoseeverwantedthatsheshouldbedoing.ButMelancthaneverwouldbeimportanttohim.AllSameverwantedwastohavealittlehouseandtoliveregularandtoworkhardandtocomehometohisdinner,whenhewastiredwithhisworkingandbyandbyhewantedtohavesomechildrenallhisowntobegoodto,andsoSamwasrealsorryforMelanctha,shewassogoodandsosweetalwaystothem,andJemRichardswasabadmantobehavesotoher,butthatwasalwaysthewayagirlgotitwhenshe
likedthatkindoffastfellow.AnyhowMelancthawasRose'sfriend,andSamnevercaredtohaveanythingtodowiththekindoftroublealwayscametowomen,whentheywantedtohavemen,whonevercouldknowhowtobehavegoodandsteadytotheirwomen.
AndsoSamneversaidmuchtoRoseaboutMelanctha.Samwasalwaysverygentletoher,butnowhebeganlessandlesstoseeher.SoonMelancthanevercameanymoretothehousetoseeRoseandSamneveraskedRoseanythingabouther.
MelancthaHerbertwasbeginningnowtocomelessandlesstothehousetobewithRoseJohnson.ThiswasbecauseRoseseemedalwayslessandlessnowtowanther,andRosewouldnotletMelancthanowdothingsforher.MelancthawasalwayshumbletoherandMelancthaalwayswantedineverywayshecouldtodothingsforher.Rosesaidno,sheguessedshedothatherselflikeshelikestohaveitbetter.Melancthaisrealgoodtostaysolongtohelpher,butRoseguessedperhapsMelancthabettergohomenow,Rosedon'tneednobodytohelphernow,sheisfeelingrealstrong,notlikejustaftershehadallthattroublewiththebaby,andthenSam,whenhecomeshomeforhisdinnerhelikesitwhenRoseisallalonetherejusttogivehimhisdinner.Samalwaysissotirednow,likehealwaysisinthesummer,somanypeoplealwaysonthesteamer,andtheymakesomuchworksoSamisrealtirednow,andhelikesjusttoeathisdinnerandneverhavepeopleinthehousetobeatroubletohim.
EachdayRosetreatedMelancthamoreandmoreasifsheneverwantedMelancthaanymoretocometheretothehousetoseeher.MelancthadarednotaskRosewhysheactedinthiswaytoher.MelancthabadlyneededtohaveRosealwaystheretosaveher.MelancthawantedbadlytoclingtoherandRosehadalwaysbeensosolidforher.MelancthadidnotdaretoaskRoseifshenownolongerwantedhertocomeandseeher.
MelancthanowneveranymorehadSamtobegentletoher.RosealwayssentMelancthaawayfromherbeforeitwastimeforSamtocomehometoher.OnedayMelancthahadstayedalittlelonger,forRosethatdayhadbeengoodtoletMelancthabegintodothingsforher.MelancthathenleftherandMelancthametSamJohnsonwhostoppedaminutetospeakkindlytoher.
ThenextdayRoseJohnsonwouldnotletMelancthacomeintoher.Rosestoodonthesteps,andthereshetoldMelancthawhatshethoughtnow
ofher.
"IguessMelancthaitcertainlyain'tnowaysrightforyoutocomeherenomorejusttoseeme.Icertainlydon'tMelancthanowaysliketobeatroubletoyou.IcertainlythinkMelancthaIgetalongbetternowwhenIdon'thavenobodylikeyouare,alwaysheretohelpme,andSamhedosogoodnowwithhisworking,hepayalittlegirlsomethingtocomeeverydaytohelpme.IcertainlydothinkMelancthaIdon'tneverwantyounomoretocomeherejusttoseeme.""WhyRose,whatIeverdonetoyou,Icertainlydon'tthinkyouisrightRosetobesobadnowtome.""Icertainlydon'tnowaysMelancthaHerbertthinkyougotanyrightevertobecomplainingthewayIbeenactingtoyou.IcertainlyneverdothinkMelancthaHerbert,youhearme,nobodyeverbeenmorepatienttoyouthanIalwaysbeentolikeyou,onlyMelanctha,Ihearmorethingsnowsoawfulbadaboutyou,everybodyalwaysistellingtomewhatkindofawayyoualwayshavebeendoingsomuch,andmealwayssogoodtoyou,andyounevernoways,knowinghowtobehonesttome.NoMelancthaitain'teverinme,nottowantyoutohavegoodluckcometoyou,andIlikeitrealwellMelancthawhenyousometimelearnhowtoactthewayitisdecentandrightforagirltobedoing,butIdon'tnowayseverlikeitthekindofthingseverybodytellmenowaboutyou.NoMelanctha,Ican'tneveranymoretrustyou.Icertainlyamrealsorrytohaveneveranymoretoseeyou,butthereain'tnootherway,Ievercanbeactingtoyou.That'sallIevergotanymoretosaytoyounowMelanctha.""ButRose,deed;Icertainlydon'tknow,nomorethanthedead,nothingIeverdonetomakeyouactsotome.AnybodysayanythingbadaboutmeRose,toyou,theyjustapackofliarstoyou,theycertainlyisRose,Itellyoutrue.IcertainlyneverdonenothingIeverbeenashamedtotellyou.WhyyouactsobadtomeRose.Samhecertainlydon'tthinkeverlikeyoudo,andRoseIalwaysdoeverythingIcan,youeverwantmetodoforyou.""Itain'tnevernousestandingtheretalking,MelancthaHerbert.Ijustcantellittoyou,andSam,hedon'tknownothingaboutwomeneverthewaytheycanbeacting.IcertainlyamverysorryMelanctha,tohavetoactsonowtoyou,butIcertainlycan'tdonootherwaywithyou,whenyoudothingsalwayssobad,andeverybodyistalkingsoaboutyou.Itain'tnousetoyoutostandthereandsayitdifferenttomeMelanctha.IcertainlyamalwaysrightMelancthaHerbert,thewayIcertainlyalwayshavebeenwhenIknowsit,toyou.NoMelanctha,itjustis,younevercanhavenokindofawaytoactright,thewayadecentgirlhastodo,andIdonemybestalwaystobetellingittoyouMelancthaHerbert,butitdon'tneverdonogoodtotellnobodyhowtoactright;theycertainlynevercanlearnwhentheyain'tgotnosenserighttoknowit,andyouneverhavenosenserightMelanctha
tobehonest,andIain'tneverwishingnoharmtoyoueverMelancthaHerbert,onlyIdon'tneverwantanymoretoseeyoucomehere.Ijustsaytoyounow,likeIalwaysbeensayingtoyou,youdon'tknownevertherightway,anykindofdecentgirlhastobeacting,andsoMelancthaHerbert,meandSam,wedon'tneveranymorewantyoutobesettingyourfootinmyhousehereMelancthaHerbert,Ijusttellyou.Andsoyoujustgoalongnow,MelancthaHerbert,youhearme,andIdon'tneverwishnoharmtocometoyou."
RoseJohnsonwentintoherhouseandclosedthedoorbehindher.Melancthastoodlikeonedazed,shedidnotknowhowtobearthisblowthatalmostkilledher.SlowlythenMelancthawentawaywithouteventurningtolookbehindher.
MelancthaHerbertwasallsoreandbruisedinsideher.MelancthahadneededRosealwaystobelieveher,MelancthaneededRosealwaystoletherclingtoher,Melancthawantedbadlytohavesomebodywhocouldmakeheralwaysfeelalittlesafeinsideher,andnowRosehadsentherfromher.MelancthawantedRosemorethanshehadeverwantedalltheothers.Rosealwayswassosimple,solid,decent,forher.AndnowRosehadcastherfromher.Melancthawaslost,andalltheworldwentwhirlinginamadwearydancearoundher.
MelancthaHerbertneverhadanystrengthaloneevertofeelsafeinsideher.AndnowRoseJohnsonhadcastherfromher,andMelancthacouldneveranymorebenearher.MelancthaHerbertknewnow,wayinsideher,thatshewaslost,andnothinganymorecouldeverhelpher.
MelancthawentthatnighttomeetJemRichardswhohadpromisedtobeattheoldplacetomeether.JemRichardswasabsentinhismannertoher.Byandbyhebegantotalktoher,aboutthetriphewasgoingtotakesoon,toseeifhecouldgetsomeluckbackinhisbetting.Melancthatrembled,wasJemtoonowgoingtoleaveher.JemRichardstalkedsomemorethentoher,aboutthebadluckhealwayshadnow,andhowheneededtogoawaytoseeifhecouldmakeitcomeoutanybetter.
ThenJemstopped,andthenhelookedstraightatMelanctha.
"TellmeMelanctharightandtrue,youdon'tcarereallynothingmoreaboutmenowMelanctha,"hesaidtoher.
"Whyyouaskmethat,JemRichards,"saidMelanctha.
"WhyIaskyouthatMelanctha,GodAlmighty,becauseIjustdon'tgiveadamnnowforyouanymoreMelanctha.ThatthereasonIwasasking."
Melancthanevercouldhaveforthisananswer.JemRichardswaitedandthenhewentawayandlefther.
MelancthaHerbertneveragainsawJemRichards.MelancthaneveragainsawRoseJohnson,anditwashardtoMelancthaneveranymoretoseeher.RoseJohnsonhadworkedintobethedeepestofallMelanctha'semotions.
"No,Idon'tneverseeMelancthaHerbertnomorenow,"RosewouldsaytoanybodywhoaskedheraboutMelanctha."No,Melancthashenevercomesherenomorenow,afterwehadallthattroublewithheractingsobadwiththemkindofmenshelikedsomuchtobewith.Shedon'tnevercometonogoodMelancthaHerbertdon't,andmeandSamdon'twantnomoretoseeher.Shedidn'tdorighteverthewayItoldher.Melancthajustwouldn't,andIalwayssaidittoher,ifshedon'tbemorekindofcareful,thewayshealwayshadtobeacting,Ineverdidwantnomoresheshouldcomehereinmyhousenomoretoseeme.Iain'tnowayseveragainstanygirlhavinganykindofaway,tohaveagoodtimelikeshewantsit,butnotthatkindofawayMelancthaalwayshadtodoit.IexpectsomedayMelancthakillherself,whensheactsobadlikeshedoalways,andthenshegotsoawfulblue.Melancthaalwayssaysthat'stheonlywaysheevercanthinkitaeasywayforhertodo.No,IalwaysamrealsorryforMelanctha,sheneverwasnojustcommonkindofnigger,butshedon'tneverknownotwithallthetimeIalwayswastellingittoher,noshenevernowaycouldlearn,whatwastherightwaysheshoulddo.Icertainlydon'tneverwantnokindofharmtocomebadtoMelanctha,butIcertainlydothinkshewillmostkillherselfsometime,thewayshealwayssayitwouldbeeasywayforhertodo.Ineverseenobodyevercouldbesoawfulblue."
ButMelancthaHerbertneverreallykilledherselfbecauseshewassoblue,thoughoftenshethoughtthiswouldbereallythebestwayforhertodo.Melancthaneverkilledherself,sheonlygotabadfeverandwentintothehospitalwheretheytookgoodcareofherandcuredher.
WhenMelancthawaswellagain,shetookaplaceandbegantoworkandtoliveregular.ThenMelancthagotverysickagain;shebegantocoughandsweatandbesoweakshecouldnotstandtodoherwork.
Melancthawentbacktothehospital,andtheretheDoctortoldhershehadtheconsumption,andbeforelongshewouldsurelydie.Theysentherwhereshewouldbetakencareof,ahomeforpoorconsumptives,andthereMelancthastayeduntilshedied.
FINIS
THEGENTLELENA
Lenawaspatient,gentle,sweetandgerman.Shehadbeenaservantforfouryearsandhadlikeditverywell.
LenahadbeenbroughtfromGermanytoBridgepointbyacousinandhadbeeninthesameplacethereforfouryears.
ThisplaceLenahadfoundverygood.Therewasapleasant,unexactingmistressandherchildren,andtheyalllikedLenaverywell.
TherewasacooktherewhoscoldedLenaagreatdealbutLena'sgermanpatienceheldnosufferingandthegoodincessantwomanreallyonlyscoldedsoforLena'sgood.
Lena'sgermanvoicewhensheknockedandcalledthefamilyinthemorningwasasawakening,assoothing,andasappealing,asadelicatesoftbreezeinmidday,summer.Shestoodinthehallwayeverymorningalongtimeinherunexpectantandunsufferinggermanpatiencecallingtotheyoungonestogetup.Shewouldcallandwaitalongtimeandthencallagain,alwayseven,gentle,patient,whiletheyoungonesfellbackoftenintothatprecious,tense,lastbitofsleepingthatgivesastrengthofjoyousvigorintheyoung,overthemthathavecometothereadinessofmiddleage,intheirawakening.
Lenahadgoodhardworkallmorning,andonthepleasant,sunnyafternoonsshewassentoutintotheparktositandwatchthelittletwoyearoldgirlbabyofthefamily.
Theothergirls,allthemthatmakethepleasant,lazycrowd,thatwatchthechildreninthesunnyafternoonsoutinthepark,alllikedthesimple,gentle,germanLenaverywell.Theyall,too,likedverywelltoteaseher,foritwassoeasytomakehermixedandtroubled,andallhelpless,forshecouldneverlearntoknowjustwhattheotherquickergirlsmeantbythequeerthingstheysaid.
Thetwoorthreeofthesegirls,theonesthatLenaalwayssatwith,alwaysworkedtogethertoconfuseher.Stillitwaspleasant,allthislifeforLena.
Thelittlegirlfelldownsometimesandcried,andthenLenahadtosootheher.Whenthelittlegirlwoulddropherhat,Lenahadtopickitupandholdit.Whenthelittlegirlwasbadandthrewawayherplaythings,Lenatoldhershecouldnothavethemandtookthemfromhertoholduntilthelittlegirlshouldneedthem.
ItwasallapeacefullifeforLena,almostaspeacefulasapleasantleisure.Theothergirls,ofcourse,didteaseher,butthenthatonlymadeagentlestirwithinher.
Lenawasabrownandpleasantcreature,brownasblonderacesoftenhavethembrown,brown,notwiththeyellowortheredorthechocolatebrownofsunburnedcountries,butbrownwiththeclearcolorlaidflatonthelighttonedskinbeneath,theplain,sparebrownthatmakesitrighttohavebeenmadewithhazeleyes,andnottooabundantstraight,brownhair,hairthatonlylaterdeepensitselfintobrownfromthestrawyellowofagermanchildhood.
Lenahadtheflatchest,straightbackandforwardfallingshouldersofthepatientandenduringworkingwoman,thoughherbodywasnowstillinitsmildergirlhoodandworkhadnotyetmadetheselinestooclear.
TherarerfeelingthattherewaswithLena,showedinalltheevenquietofherbodymovements,butinallitwasthestrongestinthepatient,old-worldignorance,andearthmadepurenessofherbrown,flat,softfeaturedface.Lenahadeyebrowsthatwereawondrousthickness.Theywereblack,andspread,andverycool,withtheirdarkcolorandtheirbeauty,andbeneaththemwereherhazeleyes,simpleandhuman,withtheearthpatienceoftheworking,gentle,germanwoman.
YesitwasallapeacefullifeforLena.Theothergirls,ofcourse,didteaseher,butthenthatonlymadeagentlestirwithinher.
"WhatyougotonyourfingerLena,"Mary,oneofthegirlsshealwayssatwith,onedayaskedher.Marywasgoodnatured,quick,intelligentandIrish.
Lenahadjustpickedupthefancypapermadeaccordionthatthelittlegirlhaddroppedbesideher,andwasmakingitsqueaksadlyasshepulleditwithherbrown,strong,awkwardfinger.
"Why,whatisit,Mary,paint?"saidLena,puttingherfingertohermouthtotastethedirtspot.
"That'sawfulpoisonLena,don'tyouknow?"saidMary,"thatgreenpaintthatyoujusttasted."
Lenahadsuckedagooddealofthegreenpaintfromherfinger.Shestoppedandlookedhardatthefinger.ShedidnotknowjusthowmuchMarymeantbywhatshesaid.
"Ain'titpoison,Nellie,thatgreenpaint,thatLenasuckedjustnow,"saidMary."SureitisLena,itsrealpoison,Iain'tfoolin'thistimeanyhow."
Lenawasalittletroubled.Shelookedhardatherfingerwherethepaintwas,andshewonderedifshehadreallysuckedit.
Itwasstillalittlewetontheedgesandsherubbeditoffalongtimeontheinsideofherdress,andinbetweenshewonderedandlookedatthefingerandthought,wasitreallypoisonthatshehadjusttasted.
"Ain'tittoobad,Nellie,Lenashouldhavesuckedthat,"Marysaid.
Nelliesmiledanddidnotanswer.Nelliewasdarkandthin,andlookedItalian.Shehadabigmassofblackhairthatsheworehighuponherhead,andthatmadeherfacelookveryfine.
Nelliealwayssmiledanddidnotsaymuch,andthenshewouldlookatLenatoperplexher.
Andsotheyallthreesatwiththeirlittlechargesinthepleasantsunshinealongtime.AndLenawouldoftenlookatherfingerandwonderifitwasreallypoisonthatshehadjusttastedandthenshewouldrubherfingeronherdressalittle
harder.
MarylaughedatherandteasedherandNelliesmiledalittleandlookedqueerlyather.
Thenitcametime,foritwasgrowingcooler,forthemtodragtogetherthelittleones,whohadbeguntowander,andtotakeeachonebacktoitsownmother.AndLenaneverknewforcertainwhetheritwasreallypoison,thatgreenstuffthatshehadtasted.
Duringthesefouryearsofservice,LenaalwaysspentherSundaysoutatthehouseofheraunt,whohadbroughtherfouryearsbeforetoBridgepoint.
Thisaunt,whohadbroughtLena,fouryearsbefore,toBridgepoint,wasahard,ambitious,wellmeaning,germanwoman.Herhusbandwasagrocerinthetown,andtheywereverywelltodo.Mrs.Haydon,Lena'saunt,hadtwodaughterswhowerejustbeginningasyoungladies,andshehadalittleboywhowasnothonestandwhowasveryhardtomanage.
Mrs.Haydonwasashort,stout,hardbuilt,germanwoman.Shealwayshitthegroundveryfirmlyandcompactlyasshewalked.Mrs.Haydonwasallacompactandwellhardenedmass,eventoherface,reddishanddarkenedfromitsearlyblonde,withitshearty,shinycheeks,anddoubledchinwellcoveredoverwiththeuprollfromhershort,squareneck.
Thetwodaughters,whowerefourteenandfifteen,lookedlikeunkneaded,unformedmoundsoffleshbesideher.
Theeldergirl,Mathilda,wasblonde,andslow,andsimple,andquitefat.Theyounger,Bertha,whowasalmostastallashersister,wasdark,andquicker,andshewasheavy,too,butnotreallyfat.
Thesetwogirlsthemotherhadbroughtupveryfirmly.Theywerewelltaughtfortheirposition.Theywerealwaysbothwelldressed,inthesamekindsofhatsanddresses,asisbecomingintwogermansisters.Themotherlikedtohavethemdressedinred.Theirbestclotheswerereddresses,madeofgoodheavycloth,andstronglytrimmedwithbraidofaglisteningblack.Theyhadstiff,redfelthats,trimmedwithblackvelvetribbon,andabird.Themotherdressedmatronly,inabonnetandinblack,alwayssatbetweenhertwobigdaughters,
firm,directing,andrepressed.
Theonlyweakspotinthisgoodgermanwoman'sconductwasthewayshespoiledherboy,whowasnothonestandwhowasveryhardtomanage.
Thefatherofthisfamilywasadecent,quiet,heavy,anduninterferinggermanman.Hetriedtocuretheboyofhisbadways,andmakehimhonest,butthemothercouldnotmakeherselfletthefathermanage,andsotheboywasbroughtupverybadly.
Mrs.Haydon'sgirlswerenowonlyjustbeginningasyoungladies,andsotogetherniece,Lena,married,wasjustthenthemostimportantthingthatMrs.Haydonhadtodo.
Mrs.HaydonhadfouryearsbeforegonetoGermanytoseeherparents,andhadtakenthegirlswithher.ThisvisithadbeenforMrs.Haydonmostsuccessful,thoughherchildrenhadnotlikeditverywell.
Mrs.Haydonwasagoodandgenerouswoman,andshepatronizedherparentsgrandly,andallthecousinswhocamefromallabouttoseeher.Mrs.Haydon'speoplewereofthemiddlingclassoffarmers.Theywerenotpeasants,andtheylivedinatownofsomepretension,butitallseemedverypoorandsmellytoMrs.Haydon'samericanborndaughters.
Mrs.Haydonlikeditall.Itwasfamiliar,andthenhereshewassowealthyandimportant.Shelistenedanddecided,andadvisedallofherrelationshowtodothingsbetter.Shearrangedtheirpresentandtheirfutureforthem,andshowedthemhowinthepasttheyhadbeenwronginalltheirmethods.
Mrs.Haydon'sonlytroublewaswithhertwodaughters,whomshecouldnotmakebehavewelltoherparents.Thetwogirlswereverynastytoalltheirnumerousrelations.Theirmothercouldhardlymakethemkisstheirgrandparents,andeverydaythegirlswouldgetascolding.ButthenMrs.Haydonwassoverybusythatshedidnothavetimetoreallymanageherstubborndaughters.
Thesehardworking,earth-roughgermancousinsweretotheseamericanbornchildren,uglyanddirty,andasfarbelowthemaswereitalianornegroworkmen,andtheycouldnotseehowtheirmothercouldeverbeartotouchthem,andthenallthewomendressedsofunny,andwereworkedallroughand
different.
Thetwogirlsstuckuptheirnosesatthemall,andalwaystalkedinEnglishtoeachotherabouthowtheyhatedallthesepeopleandhowtheywishedtheirmotherwouldnotdoso.ThegirlscouldtalksomeGerman,buttheyneverchosetouseit.
Itwashereldestbrother'sfamilythatmostinterestedMrs.Haydon.Heretherewereeightchildren,andoutoftheeight,fiveofthemweregirls.
Mrs.HaydonthoughtitwouldbeafinethingtotakeoneofthesegirlsbackwithhertoBridgepointandgetherwellstarted.EverybodylikedthatsheshoulddosoandtheywereallwillingthatitshouldbeLena.
Lenawasthesecondgirlinherlargefamily.Shewasatthistimejustseventeenyearsold.Lenawasnotanimportantdaughterinthefamily.Shewasalwayssortofdreamyandnotthere.Sheworkedhardandwentveryregularlyatit,butevengoodworkneverseemedtobringhernear.
Lena'sagejustsuitedMrs.Haydon'spurpose.Lenacouldfirstgoouttoservice,andlearnhowtodothings,andthen,whenshewasalittleolder,Mrs.Haydoncouldgetheragoodhusband.AndthenLenawassostillanddocile,shewouldneverwanttodothingsherownway.Andthen,too,Mrs.Haydon,withallherhardnesshadwisdom,andshecouldfeeltherarerstraintherewasinLena.
LenawaswillingtogowithMrs.Haydon.Lenadidnotlikehergermanlifeverywell.Itwasnotthehardworkbuttheroughnessthatdisturbedher.Thepeoplewerenotgentle,andthemenwhentheyweregladwereveryboisterous,andwouldlayholdofherandroughlyteaseher.Theyweregoodpeopleenougharoundher,butitwasallharshanddrearyforher.
Lenadidnotreallyknowthatshedidnotlikeit.Shedidnotknowthatshewasalwaysdreamyandnotthere.ShedidnotthinkwhetheritwouldbedifferentforherawayoffthereinBridgepoint.Mrs.Haydontookherandgotherdifferentkindsofdresses,andthentookherwiththemtothesteamer.Lenadidnotreallyknowwhatitwasthathadhappenedtoher.
Mrs.Haydon,andherdaughters,andLenatraveledsecondclassonthesteamer.Mrs.Haydon'sdaughtershatedthattheirmothershouldtakeLena.Theyhatedto
haveacousin,whowastothem,littlebetterthananigger,andtheneverybodyonthesteamertherewouldseeher.Mrs.Haydon'sdaughterssaidthingslikethistotheirmother,butsheneverstoppedtohearthem,andthegirlsdidnotdaretomaketheirmeaningveryclear.AndsotheycouldonlygoonhatingLenahard,together.TheycouldnotstopherfromgoingbackwiththemtoBridgepoint.
Lenawasverysickonthevoyage.Shethought,surelybeforeitwasoverthatshewoulddie.Shewassosickshecouldnotevenwishthatshehadnotstarted.Shecouldnoteat,shecouldnotmoan,shewasjustblankandscared,andsurethateveryminuteshewoulddie.Shecouldnotholdherselfin,norhelpherselfinhertrouble.Shejuststaidwhereshehadbeenput,pale,andscared,andweak,andsick,andsurethatshewasgoingtodie.
MathildaandBerthaHaydonhadnotroublefromhavingLenaforacousinonthevoyage,untilthelastdaythattheywereontheship,andbythattimetheyhadmadetheirfriendsandcouldexplain.
Mrs.HaydonwentdowneverydaytoLena,gaveherthingstomakeherbetter,heldherheadwhenitwasneedful,andgenerallywasgoodanddidherdutybyher.
PoorLenahadnopowertobestronginsuchtrouble.Shedidnotknowhowtoyieldtohersicknessnorendure.Shelostallherlittlesenseofbeinginhersuffering.Shewassoscared,andthenatherbest,Lena,whowaspatient,sweetandquiet,hadnotself-control,noranyactivecourage.
PoorLenawassoscaredandweak,andeveryminuteshewassurethatshewoulddie.
AfterLenawasonlandagainalittlewhile,sheforgotallherbadsuffering.Mrs.Haydongotherthegoodplace,withthepleasantunexactingmistress,andherchildren,andLenabegantolearnsomeEnglishandsoonwasveryhappyandcontent.
AllherSundaysoutLenaspentatMrs.Haydon'shouse.LenawouldhavelikedmuchbettertospendherSundayswiththegirlsshealwayssatwith,andwhooftenaskedher,andwhoteasedherandmadeagentlestirwithinher,butitnevercametoLena'sunexpectantandunsufferinggermannaturetodosomethingdifferentfromwhatwasexpectedofher,justbecauseshewouldlikeitthatwaybetter.Mrs.HaydonhadsaidthatLenawastocometoherhouse
everyotherSunday,andsoLenaalwayswentthere.
Mrs.HaydonwastheonlyoneofherfamilywhotookanyinterestinLena.Mr.Haydondidnotthinkmuchofher.Shewashiswife'scousinandhewasgoodtoher,butshewasforhimstupid,andalittlesimple,andverydull,andsuresomedaytoneedhelpandtobeintrouble.Allyoungpoorrelations,whowerebroughtfromGermanytoBridgepointweresure,beforelong,toneedhelpandtobeintrouble.
ThelittleHaydonboywasalwaysverynastytoher.Hewasahardchildforanyonetomanage,andhismotherspoiledhimverybadly.Mrs.Haydon'sdaughtersastheygrewolderdidnotlearntolikeLenaanybetter.Lenaneverknewthatshedidnotlikethemeither.Shedidnotknowthatshewasonlyhappywiththeotherquickergirls,shealwayssatwithinthepark,andwholaughedatherandalwaysteasedher.
MathildaHaydon,thesimple,fat,blonde,olderdaughterfeltverybadlythatshehadtosaythatthiswashercousinLena,thisLenawhowaslittlebetterforherthananigger.Mathildawasanovergrown,slow,flabby,blonde,stupid,fatgirl,justbeginningasawoman;thickinherspeechanddullandsimpleinhermind,andveryjealousofallherfamilyandofothergirls,andproudthatshecouldhavegooddressesandnewhatsandlearnmusic,andhatingverybadlytohaveacousinwhowasacommonservant.AndthenMathildarememberedverystronglythatdirtynastyplacethatLenacamefromandthatMathildahadsoturneduphernoseat,andwhereshehadbeenmadesoangrybecausehermotherscoldedherandlikedallthoseroughcow-smellypeople.
Then,too,MathildawouldgetverymadwhenhermotherhadLenaattheirparties,andwhenshetalkedabouthowgoodLenawas,tocertaingermanmothersinwhosesons,perhaps,Mrs.HaydonmightfindLenaagoodhusband.Allthiswouldmakethedull,blonde,fatMathildaveryangry:Sometimesshewouldgetsoangrythatshewould,inherthick,slowway,andwithjealousangerblazinginherlightblueeyes,tellhermotherthatshedidnotseehowshecouldlikethatnastyLena;andthenhermotherwouldscoldMathilda,andtellherthatsheknewhercousinLenawaspoorandMathildamustbegoodtopoorpeople.
MathildaHaydondidnotlikerelationstobepoor.ShetoldallhergirlfriendswhatshethoughtofLena,andsothegirlswouldnevertalktoLenaatMrs.
Haydon'sparties.ButLenainherunsufferingandunexpectantpatienceneverreallyknewthatshewasslighted.WhenMathildawaswithhergirlsinthestreetorintheparkandwouldseeLena,shealwaysturneduphernoseandbarelynoddedtoher,andthenshewouldtellherfriendshowfunnyhermotherwastotakecareofpeoplelikethatLena,andhow,backinGermany,allLena'speoplelivedjustlikepigs.
Theyoungerdaughter,thedark,large,butnotfat,BerthaHaydon,whowasveryquickinhermind,andinherways,andwhowasthefavoritewithherfather,didnotlikeLena,either.ShedidnotlikeherbecauseforherLenawasafoolandsostupid,andshewouldletthoseIrishandItaliangirlslaughatherandteaseher,andeverybodyalwaysmadefunofLena,andLenanevergotmad,orevenhadsenseenoughtoknowthattheywereallmakinganawfulfoolofher.
BerthaHaydonhatedpeopletobefools.Herfather,too,thoughtLenawasafool,andsoneitherthefathernorthedaughtereverpaidanyattentiontoLena,althoughshecametotheirhouseeveryotherSunday.
LenadidnotknowhowalltheHaydonsfelt.Shecametoheraunt'shouseallherSundayafternoonsthatshehadout,becauseMrs.Haydonhadtoldhershemustdoso.InthesamewayLenaalwayssavedallofherwages.Sheneverthoughtofanywaytospendit.Thegermancook,thegoodwomanwhoalwaysscoldedLena,helpedhertoputitinthebankeachmonth,assoonasshegotit.Sometimesbeforeitgotintothebanktobetakencareof,somebodywouldaskLenaforit.ThelittleHaydonboysometimesaskedandwouldgetit,andsometimessomeofthegirls,theonesLenaalwayssatwith,neededsomemoremoney;butthegermancook,whoalwaysscoldedLena,sawtoitthatthisdidnothappenveryoften.WhenitdidhappenshewouldscoldLenaverysharply,andforthenextfewmonthsshewouldnotletLenatouchherwages,butputitinthebankforheronthesamedaythatLenagotit.
SoLenaalwayssavedherwages,forsheneverthoughttospendthem,andshealwayswenttoheraunt'shouseforherSundaysbecauseshedidnotknowthatshecoulddoanythingdifferent.
Mrs.HaydonfeltmoreandmoreeveryyearthatshehaddonerighttobringLenabackwithher,foritwasallcomingoutjustasshehadexpected.Lenawasgoodandneverwantedherownway,shewaslearningEnglish,andsavingallherwages,andsoonMrs.Haydonwouldgetheragoodhusband.
AllthesefouryearsMrs.HaydonwasbusylookingaroundamongallthegermanpeoplethatsheknewfortherightmantobeLena'shusband,andnowatlastshewasquitedecided.
ThemanMrs.HaydonwantedforLenawasayounggerman-americantailor,whoworkedwithhisfather.Hewasgoodandallthefamilywereverysaving,andMrs.HaydonwassurethatthiswouldbejustrightforLena,andthentoo,thisyoungtailoralwaysdidwhateverhisfatherandhismotherwanted.
Thisoldgermantailorandhiswife,thefatherandthemotherofHermanKreder,whowastomarryLenaMainz,wereverythrifty,carefulpeople.Hermanwastheonlychildtheyhadleftwiththem,andhealwaysdideverythingtheywanted.Hermanwasnowtwenty-eightyearsold,buthehadneverstoppedbeingscoldedanddirectedbyhisfatherandhismother.Andnowtheywantedtoseehimmarried.
HermanKrederdidnotcaremuchtogetmarried.Hewasagentlesoulandalittlefearful.Hehadasullentemper,too.Hewasobedienttohisfatherandhismother.Healwaysdidhisworkwell.HeoftenwentoutonSaturdaynightsandonSundays,withothermen.Helikeditwiththembutheneverbecamereallyjoyous.Helikedtobewithmenandhehatedtohavewomenwiththem.Hewasobedienttohismother,buthedidnotcaremuchtogetmarried.
Mrs.HaydonandtheelderKredershadoftentalkedthemarriageover.Theyallthreelikeditverywell.LenawoulddoanythingthatMrs.Haydonwanted,andHermanwasalwaysobedientineverythingtohisfatherandhismother.BothLenaandHermanweresavingandgoodworkersandneitherofthemeverwantedtheirownway.
TheelderKreders,everybodyknew,hadsavedupalltheirmoney,andtheywerehard,goodgermanpeople,andMrs.HaydonwassurethatwiththesepeopleLenawouldneverbeinanytrouble.Mr.Haydonwouldnotsayanythingaboutit.HeknewoldKrederhadalotofmoneyandownedsomegoodhouses,andhedidnotcarewhathiswifedidwiththatsimple,stupidLena,solongasshewouldbesurenevertoneedhelportobeintrouble.
Lenadidnotcaremuchtogetmarried.Shelikedherlifeverywellwhereshewasworking.ShedidnotthinkmuchaboutHermanKreder.Shethoughthewasagoodmanandshealwaysfoundhimveryquiet.Neitherofthemeverspoke
muchtotheother.Lenadidnotcaremuchjustthenaboutgettingmarried.
Mrs.HaydonspoketoLenaaboutitveryoften.Lenaneveransweredanythingatall.Mrs.Haydonthought,perhapsLenadidnotlikeHermanKreder.Mrs.HaydoncouldnotbelievethatanygirlnotevenLena,reallyhadnofeelingaboutgettingmarried.
Mrs.HaydonspoketoLenaveryoftenaboutHerman.Mrs.HaydonsometimesgotveryangrywithLena.ShewasafraidthatLena,foronce,wasgoingtobestubborn,nowwhenitwasallfixedrightforhertobemarried.
"Whyyoustandtheresostupid,whydon'tyouanswer,Lena,"saidMrs.HaydononeSunday,attheendofalongtalkingthatshewasgivingLenaaboutHermanKreder,andaboutLena'sgettingmarriedtohim.
"Yesma'am,"saidLena,andthenMrs.HaydonwasfuriouswiththisstupidLena."Whydon'tyouanswerwithsomesense,Lena,whenIaskyouifyoudon'tlikeHermanKreder.Youstandtheresostupidanddon'tanswerjustlikeyouain'theardawordwhatIbeensayingtoyou.Ineverseeanybodylikeyou,Lena.Ifyougoingtoburstoutatall,whydon'tyouburstoutsuddeninsteadofstandingtheresosillyanddon'tanswer.AndhereIamsogoodtoyou,andfindyouagoodhusbandsoyoucanhaveaplacetoliveinallyourown.Answerme,Lena,don'tyoulikeHermanKreder?Heisafineyoungfellow,almosttoogoodforyou,Lena,whenyoustandtheresostupidanddon'tmakenoanswer.Thereain'tmanypoorgirlsthatgetthechanceyougotnowtogetmarried."
"Why,Idoanythingyousay,AuntMathilda.Yes,Ilikehim.Hedon'tsaymuchtome,butIguessheisagoodman,andIdoanythingyousayformetodo."
"WellthenLena,whyyoustandtheresosillyallthetimeandnotanswerwhenIaskedyou."
"Ididn'thearyousayyouwantedIshouldsayanythingtoyou.Ididn'tknowyouwantedmetosaynothing.Idowhateveryoutellmeit'srightformetodo.ImarryHermanKreder,ifyouwantme."
AndsoforLenaMainzthematchwasmade.
OldMrs.KrederdidnotdiscussthematterwithherHerman.Sheneverthoughtthatsheneededtotalksuchthingsoverwithhim.Shejusttoldhimaboutgetting
marriedtoLenaMainzwhowasagoodworkerandverysavingandneverwantedherownway,andHermanmadehisusuallittlegruntinanswertoher.
Mrs.KrederandMrs.Haydonfixedthedayandmadeallthearrangementsfortheweddingandinvitedeverybodywhooughttobetheretoseethemmarried.
InthreemonthsLenaMainzandHermanKrederweretobemarried.
Mrs.HaydonattendedtoLena'sgettingallthethingsthatsheneeded.Lenahadtohelpagooddealwiththesewing.Lenadidnotsewverywell.Mrs.HaydonscoldedbecauseLenadidnotdoitbetter,butthenshewasverygoodtoLena,andshehiredagirltocomeandhelpher.Lenastillstayedonwithherpleasantmistress,butshespentallhereveningsandherSundayswithherauntandallthesewing.
Mrs.HaydongotLenasomenicedresses.Lenalikedthatverywell.Lenalikedhavingnewhatsevenbetter,andMrs.Haydonhadsomemadeforherbyarealmillinerwhomadethemverypretty.
Lenawasnervousthesedays,butshedidnotthinkmuchaboutgettingmarried.Shedidnotknowreallywhatitwas,that,whichwasalwayscomingnearer.
Lenalikedtheplacewhereshewaswiththepleasantmistressandthegoodcook,whoalwaysscolded,andshelikedthegirlsshealwayssatwith.Shedidnotaskifshewouldlikebeingmarriedanybetter.Shealwaysdidwhateverherauntsaidandexpected,butshewasalwaysnervouswhenshesawtheKrederswiththeirHerman.Shewasexcitedandshelikedhernewhats,andeverybodyteasedherandeverydayhermarryingwascomingnearer,andyetshedidnotreallyknowwhatitwas,thisthatwasabouttohappentoher.
HermanKrederknewmorewhatitmeanttobemarriedandhedidnotlikeitverywell.Hedidnotliketoseegirlsandhedidnotwanttohavetohaveonealwaysnearhim.Hermanalwaysdideverythingthathisfatherandhismotherwantedandnowtheywantedthatheshouldbemarried.
Hermanhadasullentemper;hewasgentleandheneversaidmuch.Helikedtogooutwithothermen,butheneverwantedthatthereshouldbeanywomenwiththem.Themenallteasedhimaboutgettingmarried.Hermandidnotmindtheteasingbuthedidnotlikeverywellthegettingmarriedandhavingagirlalwayswithhim.
Threedaysbeforetheweddingday,HermanwentawaytothecountrytobegoneoverSunday.HeandLenaweretobemarriedTuesdayafternoon.WhenthedaycameHermanhadnotbeenseenorheardfrom.
TheoldKredercouplehadnotworriedmuchaboutit.Hermanalwaysdideverythingtheywantedandhewouldsurelycomebackintimetogetmarried.ButwhenMondaynightcame,andtherewasnoHerman,theywenttoMrs.Haydontotellherwhathadhappened.
Mrs.Haydongotverymuchexcited.Itwashardenoughtoworksoastogeteverythingallready,andthentohavethatsillyHermangooffthatway,sonoonecouldtellwhatwasgoingtohappen.HerewasLenaandeverythingallready,andnowtheywouldhavetomaketheweddinglatersothattheywouldknowthatHermanwouldbesuretobethere.
Mrs.Haydonwasverymuchexcited,andthenshecouldnotsaymuchtotheoldKredercouple.Shedidnotwanttomakethemangry,forshewantedverybadlynowthatLenashouldbemarriedtotheirHerman.
Atlastitwasdecidedthattheweddingshouldbeputoffaweeklonger.OldMr.KrederwouldgotoNewYorktofindHerman,foritwasverylikelythatHermanhadgonetheretohismarriedsister.
Mrs.Haydonsentwordaround,aboutwaitinguntilaweekfromthatTuesday,toeverybodythathadbeeninvited,andthenTuesdaymorningshesentforLenatocomedowntoseeher.
Mrs.HaydonwasveryangrywithpoorLenawhenshesawher.Shescoldedherhardbecauseshewassofoolish,andnowHermanhadgoneoffandnobodycouldtellwherehehadgoneto,andallbecauseLenaalwayswassodumbandsilly.AndMrs.Haydonwasjustlikeamothertoher,andLenaalwaysstoodtheresostupidanddidnotanswerwhatanybodyaskedher,andHermanwassosillytoo,andnowhisfatherhadtogoandfindhim.Mrs.Haydondidnotthinkthatanyoldpeopleshouldbegoodtotheirchildren.Theirchildrenalwaysweresothankless,andneverpaidanyattention,andolderpeoplewerealwaysdoingthingsfortheirgood.DidLenathinkitgaveMrs.Haydonanypleasure,toworksohardtomakeLenahappy,andgetheragoodhusband,andthenLenawassothanklessandneverdidanythingthatanybodywanted.ItwasalessontopoorMrs.Haydonnottodothingsanymoreforanybody.Leteverybodytakecareof
themselvesandnevercometoherwithanytroubles;sheknewbetternowthantomeddletomakeotherpeoplehappy.Itjustmadetroubleforherandherhusbanddidnotlikeit.Healwayssaidshewastoogood,andnobodyeverthankedherforit,andthereLenawasalwaysstandingstupidandnotansweringanythinganybodywanted.Lenacouldalwaystalkenoughtothosesillygirlsshelikedsomuch,andalwayssatwith,butwhoneverdidanythingforherexcepttotakeawayhermoney,andherewasherauntwhotriedsohardandwassogoodtoherandtreatedherjustlikeoneofherownchildrenandLenastoodthere,andnevermadeanyanswerandnevertriedtopleaseheraunt,ortodoanythingthatherauntwanted."No,itain'tnouseyourstandin'thereandcryin',now,Lena.ItstoolatenowtocareaboutthatHerman.Youshouldhavecaredsomebefore,andthenyouwouldn'thavetostandandcrynow,andbeadisappointmenttome,andthenIgetscoldedbymyhusbandfortakingcareofeverybody,andnobodyeverthankful.Iamgladyougotthesensetofeelsorrynow,Lena,anyway,andItrytodowhatIcantohelpyououtinyourtrouble,onlyyoudon'tdeservetohaveanybodytakeanytroubleforyou.Butperhapsyouknowbetternexttime.Yougohomenowandtakecareyoudon'tspoilyourclothesandthatnewhat,youhadnobusinesstobewearin'thatthismorning,butyouain'tgotnosenseatall,Lena.Ineverinmylifeseeanybodybesostupid."
Mrs.HaydonstoppedandpoorLenastoodthereinherhat,alltrimmedwithprettyflowers,andthetearscomingoutofhereyes,andLenadidnotknowwhatitwasthatshehaddone,onlyshewasnotgoingtobemarriedanditwasadisgraceforagirltobeleftbyamanontheverydayshewastobemarried.
Lenawenthomeallalone,andcriedinthestreetcar.
PoorLenacriedveryhardallaloneinthestreetcar.Shealmostspoiledhernewhatwithherhittingitagainstthewindowinhercrying.Thensherememberedthatshemustnotdoso.
Theconductorwasakindmanandhewasverysorrywhenhesawhercrying."Don'tfeelsobad,yougetanotherfeller,youaresuchanicegirl,"hesaidtomakehercheerful."ButAuntMathildasaidnow,Inevergetmarried,"poorLenasobbedoutforheranswer."Whyyoureallygottroublelikethat,"saidtheconductor,"Ijustsaidthatnowtojoshyou.Ididn'teverthinkyoureallywasleftbyafeller.Hemustbeastupidfeller.Butdon'tyouworry,hewasn'tmuchgoodifhecouldgoawayandleaveyou,lookin'tobesuchanicegirl.Youjusttellallyourtroubletome,andIhelpyou."Thecarwasemptyandtheconductorsat
downbesidehertoputhisarmaroundher,andtobeacomforttoher.Lenasuddenlyrememberedwhereshewas,andifshedidthingslikethatherauntwouldscoldher.Shemovedawayfromthemanintothecorner.Helaughed,"Don'tbescared,"hesaid,"Iwasn'tgoingtohurtyou.Butyoujustkeepupyourspirit.Youarearealnicegirl,andyou'llbesuretogetarealgoodhusband.Don'tyouletnobodyfoolyou.You'reallrightandIdon'twanttoscareyou."
Theconductorwentbacktohisplatformtohelpapassengergetonthecar.AllthetimeLenastayedinthestreetcar,hewouldcomeineverylittlewhileandreassureher,abouthernottofeelsobadaboutamanwhohadn'tnomoresensethantogoawayandleaveher.She'dbesureyettogetagoodman,sheneedn'tbesoworried,hefrequentlyassuredher.
Hechattedwiththeotherpassengerwhohadjustcomein,averywelldressedoldman,andthenwithanotherwhocameinlater,agoodsortofaworkingman,andthenanotherwhocamein,anicelady,andhetoldthemallaboutLena'shavingtrouble,anditwastoobadthereweremenwhotreatedapoorgirlsobadly.AndeverybodyinthecarwassorryforpoorLenaandtheworkmantriedtocheerher,andtheoldmanlookedsharplyather,andsaidshelookedlikeagoodgirl,butsheoughttobemorecarefulandnottobesocareless,andthingslikethatwouldnothappentoher,andtheniceladywentandsatbesideherandLenalikedit,thoughsheshrankawayfrombeingnearher.
SoLenawasfeelingalittlebetterwhenshegotoffthecar,andtheconductorhelpedher,andhecalledouttoher,"Youbesureyoukeepupagoodheartnow.Hewasn'tnogoodthatfellerandyouwereluckyfortolosehim.You'llgetarealmanyet,onethatwillbebetterforyou.Don'tyoubeworried,you'rearealnicegirlasIeverseeinsuchtrouble,"andtheconductorshookhisheadandwentbackintohiscartotalkitoverwiththeotherpassengershehadthere.
Thegermancook,whoalwaysscoldedLena,wasveryangrywhensheheardthestory.SheneverdidthinkMrs.HaydonwoulddosomuchforLena,thoughshewasalwaystalkingsograndaboutwhatshecoulddoforeverybody.Thegoodgermancookalwayshadbeenalittledistrustfulofher.Peoplewhoalwaysthoughttheyweresomuchneverdidreallydothingsrightforanybody.NotthatMrs.Haydonwasn'tagoodwoman.Mrs.Haydonwasareal,good,germanwoman,andshedidreallymeantodowellbyhernieceLena.Thecookknewthatverywell,andshehadalwayssaidso,andshealwayshadlikedandrespectedMrs.Haydon,whoalwaysactedverypropertoher,andLenawasso
backward,whentherewasamantotalkto,Mrs.HaydondidhavehardworkwhenshetriedtomarryLena.Mrs.Haydonwasagoodwoman,onlyshedidtalksometimestoogrand.Perhapsthistroublewouldmakeherseeitwasn'talwayssoeasytodo,tomakeeverybodydoeverythingjustlikeshewanted.ThecookwasverysorrynowforMrs.Haydon.Allthismustbesuchadisappointment,andsuchaworrytoher,andshereallyhadalwaysbeenverygoodtoLena.ButLenahadbettergoandputonherotherclothesandstopallthatcrying.Thatwouldn'tdonothingnowtohelpher,andifLenawouldbeagoodgirl,andjustberealpatient,herauntwouldmakeitallcomeoutrightyetforher."IjusttellMrs.Aldrich,Lena,youstayhereyetalittlelonger.Youknowsheisalwayssogoodtoyou,Lena,andIknowsheletyou,andItellherallaboutthatstupidHermanKreder.Igotnopatience,Lena,withanybodywhocanbesostupid.Youjuststopnowwithyourcrying,Lena,andtakeoffthemgoodclothesandputthemawaysoyoudon'tspoilthemwhenyouneedthem,andyoucanhelpmewiththedishesandeverythingwillcomeoffbetterforyou.YouseeifIain'trightbywhatItellyou.YoujuststopcryingnowLenaquick,orelseIscoldyou."
Lenastillchokedalittleandwasverymiserableinsideherbutshedideverythingjustasthecooktoldher.
ThegirlsLenaalwayssatwithwereverysorrytoseeherlooksosadwithhertrouble.MarytheIrishgirlsometimesgotveryangrywithher.MarywasalwaysveryhotwhenshetalkedtoLena'sauntMathilda,whothoughtshewassogrand,andhadsuchstupid,stuckupdaughters.Marywouldn'tbeafatfoollikethatuglytemperedMathildaHaydon,notforanythinganybodycouldevergiveher.HowLenacouldkeepongoingtheresomuchwhentheyallalwaysactedasifshewasjustdirttothem,Marynevercouldsee.ButLenaneverhadanysenseofhowsheshouldmakepeoplestandroundforher,andthatwasalwaysallthetroublewithher.AndpoorLena,shewassostupidtobesorryforlosingthatgawkyfoolwhodidn'teverknowwhathewantedandjustsaid"ja"tohismammaandhispapa,likeababy,andwasscaredtolookatagirlstraight,andthensneakedawaythelastdaylikeasifsomebodywasgoingtodosomethingtohim.Disgrace,Lenatalkingaboutdisgrace!Itwasadisgraceforagirltobeseenwiththelikesofhim,letalonetobemarriedtohim.ButthatpoorLena,sheneverdidknowhowtoshowherselfoffforwhatshewasreally.Disgracetohavehimgoawayandleaveher.Marywouldjustliketogetachancetoshowhim.IfLenawasn'tworthfifteenlikeHermanKreder,Marywouldjusteatherownheadallup.ItwasagoodriddanceLenahadofthatHermanKrederandhis
stingy,dirtyparents,andifLenadidn'tstopcryingaboutit,--Marywouldjustnaturallydespiseher.
PoorLena,sheknewverywellhowMarymeantitall,thisshewasalwayssayingtoher.ButLenawasverymiserableinsideher.Shefeltthedisgraceitwasforadecentgermangirlthatamanshouldgoawayandleaveher.LenaknewverywellthatherauntwasrightwhenshesaidthewayHermanhadactedtoherwasadisgracetoeveryonethatknewher.MaryandNellieandtheothergirlsshealwayssatwithwerealwaysverygoodtoLenabutthatdidnotmakehertroubleanybetter.ItwasadisgracethewayLenahadbeenleft,toanydecentfamily,andthatcouldneverbemadeanydifferenttoher.
Andsotheslowdaysworeon,andLenaneversawherAuntMathilda.AtlastonSundayshegotwordbyaboytogoandseeherauntMathilda.Lena'sheartbeatquickforshewasverynervousnowwithallthisthathadhappenedtoher.ShewentjustasquicklyasshecouldtoseeherAuntMathilda.
Mrs.Haydonquick,assoonasshesawLena,begantoscoldherforkeepingherauntwaitingsolongforher,andfornotcominginalltheweektoseeher,toseeifherauntshouldneedher,andsoheraunthadtosendaboytotellher.Butitwaseasy,evenforLena,toseethatherauntwasnotreallyangrywithher.Itwasn'tLena'sfault,wentonMrs.Haydon,thateverythingwasgoingtohappenallrightforher.Mrs.Haydonwasverytiredtakingallthistroubleforher,andwhenLenacouldn'teventaketroubletocomeandseeheraunt,toseeifsheneededanythingtotellher.ButMrs.Haydonreallynevermindedthingslikethatwhenshecoulddothingsforanybody.Shewastirednow,allthetroubleshehadbeentakingtomakethingsrightforLena,butperhapsnowLenahearditshewouldlearnalittletobethankfultoher."YougetallreadytobemarriedTuesday,Lena,youhearme,"saidMrs.Haydontoher."YoucomehereTuesdaymorningandIhaveeverythingallreadyforyou.YouwearyournewdressIgotyou,andyourhatwithallthemflowersonit,andyoubeverycarefulcomingyoudon'tgetyourthingsalldirty,yousocarelessallthetime,Lena,andnotthinking,andyouactsometimesyounevergotnoheadatallonyou.Yougohomenow,andyoutellyourMrs.AldrichthatyouleaveherTuesday.Don'tyougoforgettingnow,Lena,anythingIevertoldyouwhatyoushoulddotobecareful.Youbeagoodgirl,nowLena.YougetmarriedTuesdaytoHermanKreder."AndthatwasallLenaeverknewofwhathadhappenedallthisweektoHermanKreder.Lenaforgottherewasanythingtoknowaboutit.ShewasreallytobemarriedTuesday,andherAuntMathildasaidshewasagoodgirl,andnow
therewasnodisgraceleftuponher.
Lenanowfellbackintothewayshealwayshadofbeingalwaysdreamyandnotthere,thewayshealwayshadbeen,exceptforthefewdaysshewassoexcited,becauseshehadbeenleftbyamantheverydayshewastohavebeenmarried.Lenawasalittlenervousalltheselastdays,butshedidnotthinkmuchaboutwhatitmeantforhertobemarried.
HermanKrederwasnotsocontentaboutit.Hewasquietandwassullenandheknewhecouldnothelpit.Heknewnowhejusthadtolethimselfgetmarried.ItwasnotthatHermandidnotlikeLenaMainz.Shewasasgoodasanyothergirlcouldbeforhim.Shewasalittlebetterperhapsthanothergirlshesaw,shewassoveryquiet,butHermandidnotliketoalwayshavetohaveagirlaroundhim.Hermanhadalwaysdoneeverythingthathismotherandhisfatherwanted.HisfatherhadfoundhiminNewYork,whereHermanhadgonetobewithhismarriedsister.
Herman'sfatherwhenhehadfoundhimcoaxedHermanalongtimeandwentonwholedayswithhiscomplainingtohim,alwaystroubledbutgentleandquitepatientwithhim,andalwayshewasworryingtoHermanaboutwhatwastherightwayhisboyHermanshouldalwaysdo,alwayswhateveritwashismothereverwantedfromhim,andalwaysHermannevermadehimanyanswer.
OldMr.Krederkeptonsayingtohim,hedidnotseehowHermancouldthinknow,itcouldbeanydifferent.Whenyoumakeabargainyoujustgottostickrighttoit,thatwastheonlywayoldMr.Kredercouldeverseeit,andsayingyouwouldgetmarriedtoagirlandshegoteverythingallready,thatwasabargainjustlikeoneyoumakeinbusinessandHermanhehadmadeit,andnowHermanhewouldjusthavetodoit,oldMr.Krederdidn'tseetherewasanyotherwayagoodboylikehisHermanhad,todoit.AndthentoothatLenaMainzwassuchanicegirlandHermanhadn'toughttoreallygivehisfathersomuchtroubleandmakehimpayoutallthatmoney,tocomeallthewaytoNewYorkjusttofindhim,andtheybothloseallthattimefromtheirworking,whenallHermanhadtodowasjusttostandup,foranhour,andthenhewouldbeallrightmarried,anditwouldbealloverforhim,andtheneverythingathomewouldneverbeanydifferenttohim.
Andhisfatherwenton;therewashispoormothersayingalwayshowherHermanalwaysdideverythingbeforesheeverwanted,andnowjustbecausehe
gotnotionsinhim,andwantedtoshowpeoplehowhecouldbestubborn,hewasmakingallthistroubleforher,andmakingthempayallthatmoneyjusttorunaroundandfindhim."YougotnoideaHerman,howbadmamaisfeelingaboutthewayyoubeenactingHerman,"saidoldMr.Kredertohim."ShesaysshenevercanunderstandhowyoucanbesothanklessHerman.Ithurtsherverymuchyoubeensostubborn,andshefindyousuchanicegirlforyou,likeLenaMainzwhoisalwaysjustsoquietandalwayssavesupallherwages,andsheneverwantingherownwayatalllikesomegirlsarealwaysallthetimetohaveit,andyoumamatryingsohard,justsoyoucouldbecomfortableHermantobemarried,andthenyouactsostubbornHerman.YoulikeallyoungpeopleHerman,youthinkonlyaboutyourself,andwhatyouarejustwanting,andyourmamasheisthinkingonlywhatisgoodforyoutohave,foryouinthefuture.Doyouthinkyourmamawantstohaveagirlaroundtobeabother,forherself,Herman.ItsjustforyouHermansheisalwaysthinking,andshetalksalwaysabouthowhappyshewillbe,whensheseesherHermanmarriedtoanicegirl,andthenwhenshefixeditallupsogoodforyou,soitneverwouldbeanybothertoyou,justthewayshewantedyoushouldlikeit,andyousayyesallright,Idoit,andthenyougoawaylikethisandactstubborn,andmakeallthistroubleeverybodytotakeforyou,andwespendmoney,andIgottotravelallroundtofindyou.YoucomehomenowwithmeHermanandgetmarried,andItellyourmamashebetternotsayanythingtoyouabouthowmuchitcostmetocomeallthewaytolookforyou--HeyHerman,"saidhisfathercoaxing,"Hey,youcomehomenowandgetmarried.AllyougottodoHermanisjusttostandupforanhourHerman,andthenyoudon'tnevertohaveanymorebothertoit--HeyHerman!--youcomehomewithmeto-morrowandgetmarried.HeyHerman."
Herman'smarriedsisterlikedherbrotherHerman,andshehadalwaystriedtohelphim,whentherewasanythingsheknewhewanted.Shelikeditthathewassogoodandalwaysdideverythingthattheirfatherandtheirmotherwanted,butstillshewisheditcouldbethathecouldhavemorehisownway,iftherewasanythingheeverwanted.
ButnowshethoughtHermanwithhisgirlwasveryfunny.ShewantedthatHermanshouldbemarried.Shethoughtitwoulddohimlotsofgoodtogetmarried.ShelaughedatHermanwhensheheardthestory.Untilhisfathercametofindhim,shedidnotknowwhyitwasHermanhadcomejustthentoNewYorktoseeher.WhensheheardthestoryshelaughedagooddealatherbrotherHermanandteasedhimagooddealabouthisrunningaway,becausehedidn't
wanttohaveagirltobeallthetimearoundhim.
Herman'smarriedsisterlikedherbrotherHerman,andshedidnotwanthimnottoliketobewithwomen.Hewasgood,herbrotherHerman,anditwouldsurelydohimgoodtogetmarried.Itwouldmakehimstandupforhimselfstronger.Herman'ssisteralwayslaughedathimandalwaysshewouldtrytoreassurehim."SuchanicemanasmybrotherHermanactinglikeasifhewasafraidofwomen.WhythegirlsalllikeamanlikeyouHerman,ifyoudidn'talwaysrunawaywhenyousawthem.ItdoyougoodreallyHermantogetmarried,andthenyougotsomebodyyoucanbossaroundwhenyouwantto.ItdoyougoodHermantogetmarried,youseeifyoudon'tlikeit,whenyoureallydoneit.Yougoalonghomenowwithpapa,HermanandgetmarriedtothatLena.Youdon'tknowhowniceyoulikeitHermanwhenyoutryoncehowyoucandoit.Youjustdon'tbeafraidofnothing,Herman.Yougoodenoughforanygirltomarry,Herman.AnygirlbegladtohaveamanlikeyoutobealwayswiththemHerman.YoujustgoalonghomewithpapaandtryitwhatIsay,Herman.OhyousofunnyHerman,whenyousitthere,andthenrunawayandleaveyourgirlbehindyou.IknowsheiscryinglikeanythingHermanfortoloseyou.Don'tbebadtoherHerman.YougoalonghomewithpapanowandgetmarriedHerman.I'dbeawfulashamedHerman,toreallyhaveabrotherdidn'thavespiritenoughtogetmarried,whenagirlisjustdyingfortohavehim.YoualwayslikemetobewithyouHerman.Idon'tseewhyyousayyoudon'twantagirltobeallthetimearoundyou.YoualwaysbeengoodtomeHerman,andIknowyoualwaysbegoodtothatLena,andyousoonfeeljustlikeasifshehadalwaysbeentherewithyou.Don'tactlikeasifyouwasn'tanicestrongman,Herman.ReallyIlaughatyouHerman,butyouknowIlikeawfulwelltoseeyourealhappy.YougohomeandgetmarriedtothatLena,Herman.SheisarealprettygirlandrealniceandgoodandquietandshemakemybrotherHermanveryhappy.YoujuststopyourfussingnowwithHerman,papa.Hegowithyouto-morrowpapa,andyouseehelikeitsomuchtobemarried,hemakeeverybodylaughjusttoseehimbesohappy.Reallytruly,that'sthewayitwillbewithyouHerman.YoujustlistentomewhatItellyouHerman."Andsohissisterlaughedathimandreassuredhim,andhisfatherkeptontellingwhatthemotheralwayssaidaboutherHerman,andhecoaxedhimandHermanneversaidanythinginanswer,andhissisterpackedhisthingsupandwasverycheerfulwithhim,andshekissedhim,andthenshelaughedandthenshekissedhim,andhisfatherwentandboughttheticketsforthetrain,andatlastlateonSundayhebroughtHermanbacktoBridgepointwithhim.
ItwasalwaysveryhardtokeepMrs.Krederfromsayingwhatshethought,toherHerman,butherdaughterhadwrittenheraletter,soastowarnhernottosayanythingaboutwhathehadbeendoing,tohim,andherhusbandcameinwithHermanandsaid,"Herewearecomehomemama,Hermanandme,andweareverytireditwassocrowdedcoming,"andthenhewhisperedtoher."YoubegoodtoHerman,mama,hedidn'tmeantomakeussomuchtrouble,"andsooldMrs.Kreder,heldinwhatshefeltwassostronginhertosaytoherHerman.Shejustsaidverystifflytohim,"I'mgladtoseeyoucomehometo-day,Herman."ThenshewenttoarrangeitallwithMrs.Haydon.
Hermanwasnowagainjustlikehealwayshadbeen,sullenandverygood,andveryquiet,andalwaysreadytodowhateverhismotherandhisfatherwanted.Tuesdaymorningcame,Hermangothisnewclothesonandwentwithhisfatherandhismothertostandupforanhourandgetmarried.Lenawasthereinhernewdress,andherhatwithalltheprettyflowers,andshewasverynervousfornowsheknewshewasreallyverysoontobemarried.Mrs.Haydonhadeverythingallready.EverybodywastherejustastheyshouldbeandverysoonHermanKrederandLenaMainzweremarried.
Wheneverythingwasreallyover,theywentbacktotheKrederhousetogether.Theywereallnowtolivetogether,LenaandHermanandtheoldfatherandtheoldmother,inthehousewhereMr.Krederhadworkedsomanyyearsasatailor,withhissonHermanalwaystheretohelphim.
IrishMaryhadoftensaidtoLenasheneverdidseehowLenacouldeverwanttohaveanythingtodowithHermanKrederandhisdirtystingyparents.TheoldKredersweretoanIrishnature,astingy,dirtycouple.Theyhadnotthefree-hearted,thoughtless,fighting,mudbespattered,ragged,peat-smokedcabindirtthatirishMaryknewandcouldforgiveandlove.Theirswasthegermandirtofsaving,ofbeingdowdyandlooseandfoulinyourclothessoastosavethemandyourselfinwashing,havingyourhairgreasytosaveitinthesoapanddrying,havingyourclothesdirty,notinfreedom,butbecausesoitwascheaper,keepingthehousecloseandsmellybecausesoitcostlesstogetitheated,livingsopoorlynotonlysoastosavemoneybutsotheyshouldneverevenknowthemselvesthattheyhadit,workingallthetimenotonlybecausefromtheirnaturetheyjusthadtoandbecauseitmadethemmoneybutalsothattheynevercouldbeputinanywaytomakethemspendtheirmoney.
ThiswastheplaceLenanowhadforherhomeandtoheritwasverydifferent
thanitcouldbeforanirishMary.Shetoowasgermanandwasthrifty,thoughshewasalwayssodreamyandnotthere.Lenawasalwayscarefulwiththingsandshealwayssavedhermoney,forthatwastheonlywaysheknewhowtodoit.Sheneverhadtakencareofherownmoneyandsheneverhadthoughthowtouseit.
LenaMainzhadbeen,beforeshewasMrs.HermanKreder,alwayscleananddecentinherclothesandinherperson,butitwasnotbecausesheeverthoughtaboutitorreallyneededsotohaveit,itwasthewayherpeopledidinthegermancountrywhereshecamefrom,andherAuntMathildaandthegoodgermancookwhoalwaysscolded,hadkeptheronandmadeher,withtheirscoldings,alwaysmorecarefultokeepcleanandtowashrealoften.ButtherewasnodeepneedinallthisforLenaandso,thoughLenadidnotliketheoldKreders,thoughshereallydidnotknowthat,shedidnotthinkabouttheirbeingstingydirtypeople.
HermanKrederwascleanerthantheoldpeople,justbecauseitwashisnaturetokeepcleaner,buthewasusedtohismotherandhisfather,andheneverthoughtthattheyshouldkeepthingscleaner.AndHermantooalwayssavedallhismoney,exceptforthatlittlebeerhedrankwhenhewentoutwithothermenofaneveningthewayhealwayslikedtodoit,andheneverthoughtofanyotherwaytospendit.Hisfatherhadalwayskeptallthemoneyforthemandhealwayswasdoingbusinesswithit.AndthentooHermanreallyhadnomoney,forhealwayshadworkedforhisfather,andhisfatherhadneverthoughttopayhim.
AndsotheybeganallfourtoliveintheKrederhousetogether,andLenabegansoonwithittolookcarelessandalittledirty,andtobemorelifelesswithit,andnobodyevernoticedmuchwhatLenawanted,andsheneverreallyknewherselfwhatsheneeded.
TheonlyrealtroublethatcametoLenawiththeirlivingallfourtheretogether,wasthewayoldMrs.Krederscolded.Lenahadalwaysbeenusedtobeingscolded,butthisscoldingofoldMrs.Krederwasverydifferentfromthewaysheeverbeforehadhadtoendureit.
Herman,nowhewasmarriedtoher,reallylikedLenaverywell.Hedidnotcareverymuchaboutherbutsheneverwasabothertohimbeingtherearoundhim,onlywhenhismotherworriedandwasnastytothembecauseLenawasso
careless,anddidnotknowhowtosavethingsrightforthemwiththeireating,andalltheotherwayswithmoney,thattheoldwomanhadtosaveit.
HermanKrederhadalwaysdoneeverythinghismotherandhisfatherwantedbuthedidnotreallylovehisparentsverydeeply.WithHermanitwasalwaysonlythathehatedtohaveanystruggle.Itwasallalwaysallrightwithhimwhenhecouldjustgoalonganddothesamethingovereverydaywithhisworking,andnottohearthings,andnottohavepeoplemakehimlistentotheiranger.Andnowhismarriage,andhejustknewitwould,wasmakingtroubleforhim.Itmadehimhearmorewhathismotherwasalwayssaying,withherscolding.HehadtoreallyhearitnowbecauseLenawasthere,andshewassoscaredanddullalwayswhensheheardit.Hermanknewverywellwithhismother,itwasallrightifoneateverylittleandworkedhardalldayanddidnothearherwhenshescolded,thewayHermanalwayshaddonebeforetheyweresofoolishabouthisgettingmarriedandhavingagirltheretobeallthetimearoundhim,andnowhehadtohelphersothegirlcouldlearntoo,nottohearitwhenhismotherscolded,andnottolooksoscared,andnottoeatmuch,andalwaystobesuretosaveit.
HermanreallydidnotknowverywellwhathecoulddotohelpLenatounderstandit.HecouldneveranswerhismotherbacktohelpLena,thatneverwouldmakethingsanybetterforher,andhenevercouldfeelinhimselfanywaytocomfortLena,tomakeherstrongnottohearhismother,inalltheawfulwaysshealwaysscolded.ItjustworriedHermantohaveitlikethatallthetimearoundhim.Hermandidnotknowmuchabouthowamancouldmakeastrugglewithamother,todomuchtokeepherquiet,andindeedHermanneverknewmuchhowtomakeastruggleagainstanyonewhoreallywantedtohaveanythingverybadly.Hermanallhislifeneverwantedanythingsobadly,thathewouldreallymakeastruggleagainstanyonetogetit.Hermanallhislifeonlywantedtoliveregularandquiet,andnottalkmuchandtodothesamewayeverydaylikeeveryotherwithhisworking.AndnowhismotherhadmadehimgetmarriedtothisLenaandnowwithhismothermakingallthatscolding,hehadallthistroubleandthisworryalwaysonhim.
Mrs.HaydondidnotseeLenanowveryoften.ShehadnotlostherinterestinhernieceLena,butLenacouldnotcomemuchtoherhousetoseeher,itwouldnotberight,nowLenawasamarriedwoman.AndthentooMrs.Haydonhadherhandsfulljustthenwithhertwodaughters,forshewasgettingthemreadytofindthemgoodhusbands,andthentooherownhusbandnowworriedhervery
oftenaboutheralwaysspoilingthatboyofhers,sohewouldbesuretoturnoutnogoodandbeadisgracetoagermanfamily,andallbecausehismotheralwaysspoiledhim.AllthesethingswereveryworryingnowtoMrs.Haydon,butstillshewantedtobegoodtoLena,thoughshecouldnotseeherveryoften.SheonlysawherwhenMrs.HaydonwenttocallonMrs.KrederorwhenMrs.KredercametoseeMrs.Haydon,andthatnevercouldbeveryoften.ThentoothesedaysMrs.HaydoncouldnotscoldLena,Mrs.Krederwasalwaystherewithher,anditwouldnotberighttoscoldLena,whenMrs.Krederwasthere,whohadnowtherealrighttodoit.AndsoherauntalwayssaidnicethingsnowtoLena,andthoughMrs.HaydonsometimeswasalittleworriedwhenshesawLenalookingsadandnotcareful,shedidnothavetimejustthentoreallyworrymuchaboutit.
Lenanowneveranymoresawthegirlsshealwaysusedtositwith.ShehadnowaynowtoseethemanditwasnotinLena'snaturetosearchoutwaystoseethem,nordidshenoweverthinkmuchofthedayswhenshehadbeenusedtoseethem.TheyneveranyofthemhadcometotheKrederhousetoseeher.NotevenIrishMaryhadeverthoughttocometoseeher.Lenahadbeensoonforgottenbythem.TheyhadsoonpassedawayfromLenaandnowLenaneverthoughtanymorethatshehadeverknownthem.
TheonlyoneofheroldfriendswhotriedtoknowwhatLenalikedandwhatsheneeded,andwhoalwaysmadeLenacometoseeher,wasthegoodgermancookwhohadalwaysscolded.ShenowscoldedLenahardforlettingherselfgoso,andgoingoutwhenshewaslookingsountidy."IknowyougoingtohaveababyLena,butthat'snowayforyoutobelooking.Iamashamedmosttoseeyoucomeandsithereinmykitchen,lookingsosloppyandlikeyouneverusedtoLena.IneverseeanybodylikeyouLena.Hermanisverygoodtoyou,youalwayssayso,andhedon'ttreatyoubadeventhoughyoudon'tdeservetohaveanybodygoodtoyou,yousocarelessallthetime,Lena,lettingyourselfgolikeyouneverhadanybodytellyouwhatwastherightwayyoushouldknowhowtobelooking.No,Lena,Idon'tseenoreasonyoushouldletyourselfgosoandlooksountidyLena,soIamashamedtoseeyousittherelookingsougly,Lena.NoLenathatain'tnowayeverIseeawomanmakethingscomeoutbetter,lettingherselfgosoeverywayandcryingallthetimelikeasifyouhadrealtrouble.IneverwantedtoseeyoumarryHermanKreder,Lena,Iknewwhatyougottostandwiththatoldwomanalways,andthatoldman,heissostingytooandhedon'tsaythingsoutbutheain'tanybetterinhisheartthanhiswifewithherbadways,IknowthatLena,Iknowtheydon'thardlygiveyouenoughtoeat,
Lena,IamrealsorryforyouLena,youknowthatLena,butthatain'tanywaytobegoingroundsountidyLena,evenifyouhavegotallthattrouble.YouneverseemedolikethatLena,thoughsometimesIgotaheadachesoIcan'tseetostandtobeworkinghardly,andnothingcomesrightwithallmycooking,butIalwaysseeLena,Ilookdecent.That'stheonlywayagermangirlcanmakethingscomeoutrightLena.YouhearmewhatIamsayingtoyouLena.NowyoueatsomethingniceLena,Igotitallreadyforyou,andyouwashupandbecarefulLenaandthebabywillcomeallrighttoyou,andthenImakeyourAuntMathildaseethatyouliveinahousesoonallalonewithHermanandyourbaby,andtheneverythinggobetterforyou.YouhearmewhatIsaytoyouLena.Nowdon'tletmeeverseeyoucomelookinglikethisanymoreLena,andyoujuststopwiththatalwayscrying.Youain'tgotnoreasontobesittingtherenowwithallthatcrying,Ineverseeanybodyhavetroubleitdidthemanygoodtodothewayyouaredoing,Lena.YouhearmeLena.YougohomenowandyoubegoodthewayItellyouLena,andIseewhatIcando.ImakeyourAuntMathildamakeoldMrs.Krederletyoubetillyougetyourbabyallright.Nowdon'tyoubescaredandsosillyLena.Idon'tliketoseeyouactsoLenawhenreallyyougotanicemanandsomanythingsreallyanygirlshouldbegratefultobehaving.NowyougohomeLenato-dayandyoudothewayIsay,toyou,andIseewhatIcandotohelpyou."
"YesMrs.Aldrich"saidthegoodgermanwomantohermistresslater,"YesMrs.Aldrichthat'sthewayitiswiththemgirlswhentheywantsotogetmarried.Theydon'tknowwhentheygotitgoodMrs.Aldrich.Theyneverknowwhatitisthey'rereallywantingwhentheygotit,Mrs.Aldrich.There'sthatpoorLena,shejustbeenherecryingandlookingsocarelesssoIscoldher,butthatwasnogoodthatmarryingforthatpoorLena,Mrs.Aldrich.ShedolooksopaleandsadnowMrs.Aldrich,itjustbreakmyhearttoseeher.ShewasagoodgirlwasLena,Mrs.Aldrich,andIneverhadnotroublewithherlikeIgotwithsomanyyounggirlsnowadays,Mrs.Aldrich,andIneverseeanygirlanybettertoworkrightthanourLena,andnowshegottostanditallthetimewiththatoldwomanMrs.Kreder.My!Mrs.Aldrich,sheisabadoldwomantoher.IneverseeMrs.Aldrichhowoldpeoplecanbesobadtoyounggirlsandnothavenokindofpatiencewiththem.IfLenacouldonlylivewithherHerman,heain'tsobadthewaymenare,Mrs.Aldrich,butheisjustthewayalwayshismotherwantshim,heain'tgotnospiritinhim,andsoIdon'treallyseenohelpforthatpoorLena.Iknowheraunt,Mrs.Haydon,meantitallrightforherMrs.Aldrich,butpoorLena,itwouldbebetterforherifherHermanhadstayedthereinNewYorkthattimehewentawaytoleaveher.Idon'tlikeitthewayLenaislookingnow,Mrs.
Aldrich.Shelookslikeasifshedon'thavenolifeleftinherhardly,Mrs.Aldrich,shejustdragsaroundandlookssodirtyandafterallthepainsIalwaystooktoteachherandtokeepherniceinherwaysandlooking.Itdon'tdonogoodtothem,forthemgirlstogetmarriedMrs.Aldrich,theyaremuchbetterwhentheyonlyknowit,tostayinagoodplacewhentheygotit,andkeeponregularwiththeirworking.Idon'tlikeitthewayLenalooksnowMrs.Aldrich.IwishIknewsomewaytohelpthatpoorLena,Mrs.Aldrich,butshesheisabadoldwoman,thatoldMrs.Kreder,Herman'smother.IspeaktoMrs.Haydonrealsoon,Mrs.Aldrich,IseewhatwecandonowtohelpthatpoorLena."
ThesewerereallybaddaysforpoorLena.HermanalwayswasrealgoodtoherandnowheevensometimestriedtostophismotherfromscoldingLena."Sheain'twellnowmama,youletherbenowyouhearme.Youtellmewhatitisyouwantsheshouldbedoing,Itellher.Iseeshedoesitrightjustthewayyouwantitmama.Youletbe,Isaynowmama,withthatalwaysscoldingLena.Youletbe,Isaynow,youwaittillsheisfeelingbetter."Hermanwasgettingreallystrongtostruggle,forhecouldseethatLenawiththatbabyworkinghardinsideher,reallycouldnotstanditanylongerwithhismotherandtheawfulwaysshealwaysscolded.
ItwasanewfeelingHermannowhadinsidehimthatmadehimfeelhewasstrongtomakeastruggle.ItwasnewforHermanKrederreallytobewantingsomething,butHermanwantedstronglynowtobeafather,andhewantedbadlythathisbabyshouldbeaboyandhealthy,Hermanneverhadcaredreallyverymuchabouthisfatherandhismother,thoughalways,allhislife,hehaddoneeverythingjustastheywanted,andhehadneverreallycaredmuchabouthiswife,Lena,thoughhealwayshadbeenverygoodtoher,andhadalwaystriedtokeephismotheroffher,withtheawfulwayshealwaysscolded,buttobereallyafatherofalittlebaby,thatfeelingtookholdofHermanverydeeply.Hewasalmostready,soastosavehisbabyfromalltrouble,toreallymakeastrongstrugglewithhismotherandwithhisfather,too,ifhewouldnothelphimtocontrolhismother.
SometimesHermanevenwenttoMrs.Haydontotalkallthistroubleover.Theydecidedthentogether,itwasbettertowaitthereallfourtogetherforthebaby,andHermancouldmakeMrs.Krederstopalittlewithherscolding,andthenwhenLenawasalittlestronger,Hermanshouldhavehisownhouseforher,nextdoortohisfather,sohecouldalwaysbetheretohelphiminhisworking,butsotheycouldeatandsleepinahousewheretheoldwomancouldnotcontrolthem
andtheycouldnothearherawfulscolding.
Andsothingswenton,thesameway,alittlelonger.PoorLenawasnotfeelinganyjoytohaveababy.Shewasscaredthewayshehadbeenwhenshewassosickonthewater.Shewasscarednoweverytimewhenanythingwouldhurther.Shewasscaredandstillandlifeless,andsurethateveryminuteshewoulddie.Lenahadnopowertobestronginthiskindoftrouble,shecouldonlysitstillandbescared,anddull,andlifeless,andsurethateveryminuteshewoulddie.
Beforeverylong,Lenahadherbaby.Hewasagood,healthylittleboy,thebaby.Hermancaredverymuchtohavethebaby.WhenLenawasalittlestrongerhetookahousenextdoortotheoldcouple,soheandhisownfamilycouldeatandsleepanddothewaytheywanted.ThisdidnotseemtomakemuchchangenowforLena.Shewasjustthesameaswhenshewaswaitingwithherbaby.Shejustdraggedaroundandwascarelesswithherclothesandalllifeless,andsheactedalwaysandlivedonjustasifshehadnofeeling.Shealwaysdideverythingregularwiththework,thewayshealwayshadhadtodoit,butshenevergotbackanyspiritinher.Hermanwasalwaysgoodandkind,andalwayshelpedherwithherworking.Hedideverythingheknewtohelpher.Healwaysdidalltheactivenewthingsinthehouseandforthebaby.Lenadidwhatshehadtodothewayshealwayshadbeentaughtit.Shealwaysjustkeptgoingnowwithherworking,andshewasalwayscareless,anddirty,andalittledazed,andlifeless.Lenanevergotanybetterinherselfofthiswayofbeingthatshehadhadeversinceshehadbeenmarried.
Mrs.Haydonneversawanymoreofherniece,Lena.Mrs.Haydonhadnowsomuchtroublewithherownhouse,andherdaughtersgettingmarried,andherboy,whowasgrowingup,andwhoalwayswasgettingsomuchworsetomanage.SheknewshehaddonerightbyLena.HermanKrederwasagoodman,shewouldbegladtogetonesogood,sometimes,forherowndaughters,andnowtheyhadahometoliveintogether,separatefromtheoldpeople,whohadmadetheirtroubleforthem.Mrs.Haydonfeltshehaddoneverywellbyherniece,Lena,andsheneverthoughtnowsheneededanymoretogoandseeher.Lenawoulddoverywellnowwithoutheraunttotroubleherselfanymoreabouther.
Thegoodgermancookwhohadalwaysscolded,stilltriedtodoherdutylikeamothertopoorLena.ItwasveryhardnowtodorightbyLena.Lenaneverseemedtohearnowwhatanyonewassayingtoher.Hermanwasalwaysdoingeverythinghecouldtohelpher.Hermanalways,whenhewashome,tookgoodcareofthebaby.Hermanlovedtotakecareofhisbaby.Lenaneverthoughttotakehimoutortodoanythingshedidn'thaveto.
ThegoodcooksometimesmadeLenacometoseeher.Lenawouldcomewithherbabyandsitthereinthekitchen,andwatchthegoodwomancooking,andlistentohersometimesalittle,thewaysheusedto,whilethegoodgermanwomanscoldedherforgoingaroundlookingsocarelesswhennowshehadnotrouble,andsittingtheresodull,andalwaysbeingjustsothankless.SometimesLenawouldwakeupalittleandgetbackintoherfaceherold,gentle,patient,andunsufferingsweetness,butmostlyLenadidnotseemtohearmuchwhenthegoodgermanwomanscolded.LenaalwayslikeditwhenMrs.Aldrichhergoodmistressspoketoherkindly,andthenLenawouldseemtogobackandfeelherselftobelikeshewaswhenshehadbeeninservice.ButmostlyLenajustlivedalongandwascarelessinherclothes,anddull,andlifeless.
ByandbyLenahadtwomorelittlebabies.Lenawasnotsomuchscarednowwhenshehadthebabies.Shedidnotseemtonoticeverymuchwhentheyhurther,andsheneverseemedtofeelverymuchnowaboutanythingthathappenedtoher.
Theywereverynicebabies,allthesethreethatLenahad,andHermantookgoodcareofthemalways.Hermanneverreallycaredmuchabouthiswife,Lena.TheonlythingsHermaneverreallycaredforwerehisbabies.Hermanalwayswas
verygoodtohischildren.Healwayshadagentle,tenderwaywhenheheldthem.Helearnedtobeveryhandywiththem.Hespentallthetimehewasnotworking,withthem.Byandbyhebegantoworkalldayinhisownhomesothathecouldhavehischildrenalwaysinthesameroomwithhim.
LenaalwayswasmoreandmorelifelessandHermannowmostlyneverthoughtabouther.Hemoreandmoretookallthecareoftheirthreechildren.Hesawtotheireatingrightandtheirwashing,andhedressedthemeverymorning,andhetaughtthemtherightwaytodothings,andheputthemtotheirsleeping,andhewasnowalwayseveryminutewiththem.Thentherewastocometothem,afourthbaby.Lenawenttothehospitalnearbytohavethebaby.Lenaseemedtobegoingtohavemuchtroublewithit.Whenthebabywascomeoutatlast,itwaslikeitsmotherlifeless.Whileitwascoming,Lenahadgrownverypaleandsicker.WhenitwasalloverLenahaddied,too,andnobodyknewjusthowithadhappenedtoher.
ThegoodgermancookwhohadalwaysscoldedLena,andhadalwaystothelastdaytriedtohelpher,wastheonlyonewhoevermissedher.SherememberedhowniceLenahadlookedallthetimeshewasinservicewithher,andhowhervoicehadbeensogentleandsweet-sounding,andhowshealwayswasagoodgirl,andhowsheneverhadtohaveanytroublewithher,thewayshealwayshadwithalltheothergirlswhohadbeentakenintothehousetohelpher.ThegoodcooksometimesspokesoofLenawhenshehadtimetohaveatalkwithMrs.Aldrich,andthiswasalltherememberingtherenoweverwasofLena.
HermanKredernowalwayslivedveryhappy,verygentle,veryquiet,verywellcontentalonewithhisthreechildren.Heneverhadawomananymoretobeallthetimearoundhim.Healwaysdidallhisownworkinhishouse,whenhewasthrougheverydaywiththeworkhewasalwaysdoingforhisfather.Hermanalwayswasalone,andhealwaysworkedalone,untilhislittleoneswerebigenoughtohelphim.HermanKrederwasverywellcontentnowandhealwayslivedveryregularandpeaceful,andwitheverydayjustlikethenextone,alwaysalonenowwithhisthreegood,gentlechildren.
FINIS
EndoftheProjectGutenbergEBookofThreeLives,byGertrudeStein
***ENDOFTHISPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKTHREELIVES***
*****Thisfileshouldbenamed15408.txtor15408.zip*****Thisandallassociatedfilesofvariousformatswillbefoundin:http://www.gutenberg.net/1/5/4/0/15408/
ProducedbyS.R.Ellison,SuzanneShell,andtheOnlineDistributedProofreadingTeam.
Updatededitionswillreplacethepreviousone--theoldeditionswillberenamed.
CreatingtheworksfrompublicdomainprinteditionsmeansthatnooneownsaUnitedStatescopyrightintheseworks,sotheFoundation(andyou!)cancopyanddistributeitintheUnitedStateswithoutpermissionandwithoutpayingcopyrightroyalties.Specialrules,setforthintheGeneralTermsofUsepartofthislicense,applytocopyinganddistributingProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworkstoprotectthePROJECTGUTENBERG-tmconceptandtrademark.ProjectGutenbergisaregisteredtrademark,andmaynotbeusedifyouchargefortheeBooks,unlessyoureceivespecificpermission.IfyoudonotchargeanythingforcopiesofthiseBook,complyingwiththerulesisveryeasy.YoumayusethiseBookfornearlyanypurposesuchascreationofderivativeworks,reports,performancesandresearch.Theymaybemodifiedandprintedandgivenaway--youmaydopracticallyANYTHINGwithpublicdomaineBooks.Redistributionissubjecttothetrademarklicense,especiallycommercialredistribution.
***START:FULLLICENSE***
THEFULLPROJECTGUTENBERGLICENSEPLEASEREADTHISBEFOREYOUDISTRIBUTEORUSETHISWORK
ToprotecttheProjectGutenberg-tmmissionofpromotingthefreedistributionofelectronicworks,byusingordistributingthiswork(oranyotherworkassociatedinanywaywiththephrase"ProjectGutenberg"),youagreetocomply
withallthetermsoftheFullProjectGutenberg-tmLicense(availablewiththisfileoronlineathttp://gutenberg.net/license).
Section1.GeneralTermsofUseandRedistributingProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworks
1.A.ByreadingorusinganypartofthisProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicwork,youindicatethatyouhaveread,understand,agreetoandacceptallthetermsofthislicenseandintellectualproperty(trademark/copyright)agreement.Ifyoudonotagreetoabidebyallthetermsofthisagreement,youmustceaseusingandreturnordestroyallcopiesofProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworksinyourpossession.IfyoupaidafeeforobtainingacopyoforaccesstoaProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworkandyoudonotagreetobeboundbythetermsofthisagreement,youmayobtainarefundfromthepersonorentitytowhomyoupaidthefeeassetforthinparagraph1.E.8.
1.B."ProjectGutenberg"isaregisteredtrademark.Itmayonlybeusedonorassociatedinanywaywithanelectronicworkbypeoplewhoagreetobeboundbythetermsofthisagreement.ThereareafewthingsthatyoucandowithmostProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworksevenwithoutcomplyingwiththefulltermsofthisagreement.Seeparagraph1.Cbelow.TherearealotofthingsyoucandowithProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworksifyoufollowthetermsofthisagreementandhelppreservefreefutureaccesstoProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworks.Seeparagraph1.Ebelow.
1.C.TheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundation("theFoundation"orPGLAF),ownsacompilationcopyrightinthecollectionofProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworks.NearlyalltheindividualworksinthecollectionareinthepublicdomainintheUnitedStates.IfanindividualworkisinthepublicdomainintheUnitedStatesandyouarelocatedintheUnitedStates,wedonotclaimarighttopreventyoufromcopying,distributing,performing,displayingorcreatingderivativeworksbasedontheworkaslongasallreferencestoProjectGutenbergareremoved.Ofcourse,wehopethatyouwillsupporttheProjectGutenberg-tmmissionofpromotingfreeaccesstoelectronicworksbyfreelysharingProjectGutenberg-tmworksincompliancewiththetermsofthisagreementforkeepingtheProjectGutenberg-tmnameassociatedwiththework.YoucaneasilycomplywiththetermsofthisagreementbykeepingthisworkinthesameformatwithitsattachedfullProjectGutenberg-tmLicensewhenyou
shareitwithoutchargewithothers.
1.D.Thecopyrightlawsoftheplacewhereyouarelocatedalsogovernwhatyoucandowiththiswork.Copyrightlawsinmostcountriesareinaconstantstateofchange.IfyouareoutsidetheUnitedStates,checkthelawsofyourcountryinadditiontothetermsofthisagreementbeforedownloading,copying,displaying,performing,distributingorcreatingderivativeworksbasedonthisworkoranyotherProjectGutenberg-tmwork.TheFoundationmakesnorepresentationsconcerningthecopyrightstatusofanyworkinanycountryoutsidetheUnitedStates.
1.E.UnlessyouhaveremovedallreferencestoProjectGutenberg:
1.E.1.Thefollowingsentence,withactivelinksto,orotherimmediateaccessto,thefullProjectGutenberg-tmLicensemustappearprominentlywheneveranycopyofaProjectGutenberg-tmwork(anyworkonwhichthephrase"ProjectGutenberg"appears,orwithwhichthephrase"ProjectGutenberg"isassociated)isaccessed,displayed,performed,viewed,copiedordistributed:
ThiseBookisfortheuseofanyoneanywhereatnocostandwithalmostnorestrictionswhatsoever.Youmaycopyit,giveitawayorre-useitunderthetermsoftheProjectGutenbergLicenseincludedwiththiseBookoronlineatwww.gutenberg.net
1.E.2.IfanindividualProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworkisderivedfromthepublicdomain(doesnotcontainanoticeindicatingthatitispostedwithpermissionofthecopyrightholder),theworkcanbecopiedanddistributedtoanyoneintheUnitedStateswithoutpayinganyfeesorcharges.Ifyouareredistributingorprovidingaccesstoaworkwiththephrase"ProjectGutenberg"associatedwithorappearingonthework,youmustcomplyeitherwiththerequirementsofparagraphs1.E.1through1.E.7orobtainpermissionfortheuseoftheworkandtheProjectGutenberg-tmtrademarkassetforthinparagraphs1.E.8or1.E.9.
1.E.3.IfanindividualProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworkispostedwiththepermissionofthecopyrightholder,youruseanddistributionmustcomplywithbothparagraphs1.E.1through1.E.7andanyadditionaltermsimposedbythecopyrightholder.AdditionaltermswillbelinkedtotheProjectGutenberg-tmLicenseforallworkspostedwiththepermissionofthecopyrightholderfoundat
thebeginningofthiswork.
1.E.4.DonotunlinkordetachorremovethefullProjectGutenberg-tmLicensetermsfromthiswork,oranyfilescontainingapartofthisworkoranyotherworkassociatedwithProjectGutenberg-tm.
1.E.5.Donotcopy,display,perform,distributeorredistributethiselectronicwork,oranypartofthiselectronicwork,withoutprominentlydisplayingthesentencesetforthinparagraph1.E.1withactivelinksorimmediateaccesstothefulltermsoftheProjectGutenberg-tmLicense.
1.E.6.Youmayconverttoanddistributethisworkinanybinary,compressed,markedup,nonproprietaryorproprietaryform,includinganywordprocessingorhypertextform.However,ifyouprovideaccesstoordistributecopiesofaProjectGutenberg-tmworkinaformatotherthan"PlainVanillaASCII"orotherformatusedintheofficialversionpostedontheofficialProjectGutenberg-tmwebsite(www.gutenberg.net),youmust,atnoadditionalcost,feeorexpensetotheuser,provideacopy,ameansofexportingacopy,orameansofobtainingacopyuponrequest,oftheworkinitsoriginal"PlainVanillaASCII"orotherform.AnyalternateformatmustincludethefullProjectGutenberg-tmLicenseasspecifiedinparagraph1.E.1.
1.E.7.Donotchargeafeeforaccessto,viewing,displaying,performing,copyingordistributinganyProjectGutenberg-tmworksunlessyoucomplywithparagraph1.E.8or1.E.9.
1.E.8.YoumaychargeareasonablefeeforcopiesoforprovidingaccesstoordistributingProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworksprovidedthat
-Youpayaroyaltyfeeof20%ofthegrossprofitsyouderivefromtheuseofProjectGutenberg-tmworkscalculatedusingthemethodyoualreadyusetocalculateyourapplicabletaxes.ThefeeisowedtotheowneroftheProjectGutenberg-tmtrademark,buthehasagreedtodonateroyaltiesunderthisparagraphtotheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundation.Royaltypaymentsmustbepaidwithin60daysfollowingeachdateonwhichyouprepare(orarelegallyrequiredtoprepare)yourperiodictaxreturns.RoyaltypaymentsshouldbeclearlymarkedassuchandsenttotheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundationattheaddressspecifiedinSection4,"Informationabout
donationstotheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundation."
-Youprovideafullrefundofanymoneypaidbyauserwhonotifiesyouinwriting(orbye-mail)within30daysofreceiptthats/hedoesnotagreetothetermsofthefullProjectGutenberg-tmLicense.YoumustrequiresuchausertoreturnordestroyallcopiesoftheworkspossessedinaphysicalmediumanddiscontinuealluseofandallaccesstoothercopiesofProjectGutenberg-tmworks.
-Youprovide,inaccordancewithparagraph1.F.3,afullrefundofanymoneypaidforaworkorareplacementcopy,ifadefectintheelectronicworkisdiscoveredandreportedtoyouwithin90daysofreceiptofthework.
-YoucomplywithallothertermsofthisagreementforfreedistributionofProjectGutenberg-tmworks.
1.E.9.IfyouwishtochargeafeeordistributeaProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworkorgroupofworksondifferenttermsthanaresetforthinthisagreement,youmustobtainpermissioninwritingfromboththeProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundationandMichaelHart,theowneroftheProjectGutenberg-tmtrademark.ContacttheFoundationassetforthinSection3below.
1.F.
1.F.1.ProjectGutenbergvolunteersandemployeesexpendconsiderableefforttoidentify,docopyrightresearchon,transcribeandproofreadpublicdomainworksincreatingtheProjectGutenberg-tmcollection.Despitetheseefforts,ProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworks,andthemediumonwhichtheymaybestored,maycontain"Defects,"suchas,butnotlimitedto,incomplete,inaccurateorcorruptdata,transcriptionerrors,acopyrightorotherintellectualpropertyinfringement,adefectiveordamageddiskorothermedium,acomputervirus,orcomputercodesthatdamageorcannotbereadbyyourequipment.
1.F.2.LIMITEDWARRANTY,DISCLAIMEROFDAMAGES-Exceptforthe"RightofReplacementorRefund"describedinparagraph1.F.3,theProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundation,theowneroftheProjectGutenberg-tmtrademark,andanyotherpartydistributingaProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworkunderthisagreement,disclaimallliabilitytoyoufordamages,costsandexpenses,includinglegalfees.YOUAGREETHATYOUHAVENO
REMEDIESFORNEGLIGENCE,STRICTLIABILITY,BREACHOFWARRANTYORBREACHOFCONTRACTEXCEPTTHOSEPROVIDEDINPARAGRAPHF3.YOUAGREETHATTHEFOUNDATION,THETRADEMARKOWNER,ANDANYDISTRIBUTORUNDERTHISAGREEMENTWILLNOTBELIABLETOYOUFORACTUAL,DIRECT,INDIRECT,CONSEQUENTIAL,PUNITIVEORINCIDENTALDAMAGESEVENIFYOUGIVENOTICEOFTHEPOSSIBILITYOFSUCHDAMAGE.
1.F.3.LIMITEDRIGHTOFREPLACEMENTORREFUND-Ifyoudiscoveradefectinthiselectronicworkwithin90daysofreceivingit,youcanreceivearefundofthemoney(ifany)youpaidforitbysendingawrittenexplanationtothepersonyoureceivedtheworkfrom.Ifyoureceivedtheworkonaphysicalmedium,youmustreturnthemediumwithyourwrittenexplanation.Thepersonorentitythatprovidedyouwiththedefectiveworkmayelecttoprovideareplacementcopyinlieuofarefund.Ifyoureceivedtheworkelectronically,thepersonorentityprovidingittoyoumaychoosetogiveyouasecondopportunitytoreceivetheworkelectronicallyinlieuofarefund.Ifthesecondcopyisalsodefective,youmaydemandarefundinwritingwithoutfurtheropportunitiestofixtheproblem.
1.F.4.Exceptforthelimitedrightofreplacementorrefundsetforthinparagraph1.F.3,thisworkisprovidedtoyou'AS-IS'WITHNOOTHERWARRANTIESOFANYKIND,EXPRESSORIMPLIED,INCLUDINGBUTNOTLIMITEDTOWARRANTIESOFMERCHANTIBILITYORFITNESSFORANYPURPOSE.
1.F.5.Somestatesdonotallowdisclaimersofcertainimpliedwarrantiesortheexclusionorlimitationofcertaintypesofdamages.Ifanydisclaimerorlimitationsetforthinthisagreementviolatesthelawofthestateapplicabletothisagreement,theagreementshallbeinterpretedtomakethemaximumdisclaimerorlimitationpermittedbytheapplicablestatelaw.Theinvalidityorunenforceabilityofanyprovisionofthisagreementshallnotvoidtheremainingprovisions.
1.F.6.INDEMNITY-YouagreetoindemnifyandholdtheFoundation,thetrademarkowner,anyagentoremployeeoftheFoundation,anyoneprovidingcopiesofProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworksinaccordancewiththisagreement,andanyvolunteersassociatedwiththeproduction,promotionanddistributionofProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworks,harmlessfromall
liability,costsandexpenses,includinglegalfees,thatarisedirectlyorindirectlyfromanyofthefollowingwhichyoudoorcausetooccur:(a)distributionofthisoranyProjectGutenberg-tmwork,(b)alteration,modification,oradditionsordeletionstoanyProjectGutenberg-tmwork,and(c)anyDefectyoucause.
Section2.InformationabouttheMissionofProjectGutenberg-tm
ProjectGutenberg-tmissynonymouswiththefreedistributionofelectronicworksinformatsreadablebythewidestvarietyofcomputersincludingobsolete,old,middle-agedandnewcomputers.Itexistsbecauseoftheeffortsofhundredsofvolunteersanddonationsfrompeopleinallwalksoflife.
Volunteersandfinancialsupporttoprovidevolunteerswiththeassistancetheyneed,iscriticaltoreachingProjectGutenberg-tm'sgoalsandensuringthattheProjectGutenberg-tmcollectionwillremainfreelyavailableforgenerationstocome.In2001,theProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundationwascreatedtoprovideasecureandpermanentfutureforProjectGutenberg-tmandfuturegenerations.TolearnmoreabouttheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundationandhowyoureffortsanddonationscanhelp,seeSections3and4andtheFoundationwebpageathttp://www.pglaf.org.
Section3.InformationabouttheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundation
TheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundationisanonprofit501(c)(3)educationalcorporationorganizedunderthelawsofthestateofMississippiandgrantedtaxexemptstatusbytheInternalRevenueService.TheFoundation'sEINorfederaltaxidentificationnumberis64-6221541.Its501(c)(3)letterispostedathttp://pglaf.org/fundraising.ContributionstotheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundationaretaxdeductibletothefullextentpermittedbyU.S.federallawsandyourstate'slaws.
TheFoundation'sprincipalofficeislocatedat4557MelanDr.S.Fairbanks,AK,99712.,butitsvolunteersandemployeesarescatteredthroughoutnumerouslocations.Itsbusinessofficeislocatedat809North1500West,SaltLakeCity,UT84116,(801)596-1887,emailbusiness@pglaf.org.EmailcontactlinksanduptodatecontactinformationcanbefoundattheFoundation'swebsiteand
officialpageathttp://pglaf.org
Foradditionalcontactinformation:[email protected]
Section4.InformationaboutDonationstotheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundation
ProjectGutenberg-tmdependsuponandcannotsurvivewithoutwidespreadpublicsupportanddonationstocarryoutitsmissionofincreasingthenumberofpublicdomainandlicensedworksthatcanbefreelydistributedinmachinereadableformaccessiblebythewidestarrayofequipmentincludingoutdatedequipment.Manysmalldonations($1to$5,000)areparticularlyimportanttomaintainingtaxexemptstatuswiththeIRS.
TheFoundationiscommittedtocomplyingwiththelawsregulatingcharitiesandcharitabledonationsinall50statesoftheUnitedStates.Compliancerequirementsarenotuniformandittakesaconsiderableeffort,muchpaperworkandmanyfeestomeetandkeepupwiththeserequirements.Wedonotsolicitdonationsinlocationswherewehavenotreceivedwrittenconfirmationofcompliance.ToSENDDONATIONSordeterminethestatusofcomplianceforanyparticularstatevisithttp://pglaf.org
Whilewecannotanddonotsolicitcontributionsfromstateswherewehavenotmetthesolicitationrequirements,weknowofnoprohibitionagainstacceptingunsoliciteddonationsfromdonorsinsuchstateswhoapproachuswithofferstodonate.
Internationaldonationsaregratefullyaccepted,butwecannotmakeanystatementsconcerningtaxtreatmentofdonationsreceivedfromoutsidetheUnitedStates.U.S.lawsaloneswampoursmallstaff.
PleasechecktheProjectGutenbergWebpagesforcurrentdonationmethodsandaddresses.Donationsareacceptedinanumberofotherwaysincludingincludingchecks,onlinepaymentsandcreditcarddonations.Todonate,pleasevisit:http://pglaf.org/donate
Section5.GeneralInformationAboutProjectGutenberg-tmelectronicworks.
ProfessorMichaelS.HartistheoriginatoroftheProjectGutenberg-tmconceptofalibraryofelectronicworksthatcouldbefreelysharedwithanyone.Forthirtyyears,heproducedanddistributedProjectGutenberg-tmeBookswithonlyaloosenetworkofvolunteersupport.
ProjectGutenberg-tmeBooksareoftencreatedfromseveralprintededitions,allofwhichareconfirmedasPublicDomainintheU.S.unlessacopyrightnoticeisincluded.Thus,wedonotnecessarilykeepeBooksincompliancewithanyparticularpaperedition.
MostpeoplestartatourWebsitewhichhasthemainPGsearchfacility:
http://www.gutenberg.net
ThisWebsiteincludesinformationaboutProjectGutenberg-tm,includinghowtomakedonationstotheProjectGutenbergLiteraryArchiveFoundation,howtohelpproduceourneweBooks,andhowtosubscribetoouremailnewslettertohearaboutneweBooks.