The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 19

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • MAY 12, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 19 • WWW.CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

By Reginald Owens

That Ain’t Junk Turning trash into cash

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 19 | May 12, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com2

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 12, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 19 | The Pulse 3

ContentsMAY

201112

PULSE BEATS 4 BEYOND THE HEADLINES 7

ON THE BEAT 12 LIFE IN THE NOOG 23

ASK A MEXICAN 30VOLUME 8, ISSUE 19 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“Rusty old metal objects that are of no use to you anymore can earn you a pretty penny or two at Junkyard Mafia.”

— Reginald Owens on one of the many ways to turn junk into cash.

8

“Recycled art has been an important wing of modernism, with famous examples scattered all

through the 20th century.”— Art critic Michael Crumb on the use of junk to create art.

15

“Miss Tess and The Bon Ton Parade are a favorite to many in Chattanooga and her music

is unexplainable.” — Musical maven Tara V on one of the great acts to perform locally this week.

18

“The filmmakers managed to create an engaging experience, one with enough

wit and charm to overcome the relative absurdity of the back story.”

— Film critic John DeVore on the film version of Thor

24


President Jim Brewer, II

Publisher Zachary Cooper

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe

News Editor Gary Poole

Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins

Advertising Sales Jaye Brewer, Rick Leavell

Michelle Pih

Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Leanne Strickland

Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier

Pulse ContributorsGustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb

John DeVore, Janis Hashe Joshua Hurley, Matt Jones Louis Lee, Kelly Lockhart

Reginald Owens, Ernie PaikAlex Teach, Tara V

Editorial CartoonistRick Baldwin

Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494Fax (423) 266-2335

Email [email protected]

Calendar [email protected]

The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is

available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than

one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media1305 Carter Street

Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402

Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to

edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Pulse Beats

Be Wary: Many Storm Scam Artists In The Region

NEWS “What they are giving out is no different than what a woman can buy over the

counter for birth control.” — Hamilton County Commission Chairman Larry Henry

after commissioners initially voted down a family planning state grant over concerns on the “morning after” pill.

"Q"

News Briefs

Residents recovering from the severe storms, tornadoes, straight-line winds and flooding from April 27-28 need to be alert for and re-port potential fraud during recov-ery and rebuilding efforts.

Those who suspect anyone—an inspector, disaster survivor or someone posing as one of these—of fraudulent activities should call FEMA’s toll-free Disaster Fraud Hotline at 866-720-5721.

Here are consumer safety tips from federal and state agencies:

• There is never a fee to apply for FEMA disaster assistance or to receive it.

• There is no fee for FEMA or U.S. Small Busi-ness Administration property damage inspections.

• The only ways to register for FEMA help are to call 800-621-3362 (TTY: 800-462-7585) or visit www.DisasterAssistance.gov. Or visit m.fema.gov from a smartphone or Web-enabled device.

• Government workers will never ask for a fee or payment. They wear a photo ID. Watch out for middle men who promise you will receive money, especially if they ask for an up-front payment.

• Get three written estimates for repair work. Then check credentials and contact your local Bet-ter Business Bureau or Chamber of Commerce to learn about any complaints against the contractor or business.

• Before work begins, make sure you get a writ-ten contract detailing all the work to be performed, the costs, a projected completion date, and how to negotiate changes and settle disputes.

• Make sure the contract clearly states who will obtain the necessary permits. Consider having a lawyer review the contract if substantial costs are involved. Keep a copy of the signed contract.

• If the contractor provides any guarantees, they should be written into the contract clearly, stating what is guaranteed, who is responsible for the guarantee and how long the guarantee is valid.

• Pay only by check or a credit card. A reason-able down payment may be required to buy ma-terials for some projects, but don’t pay anything without a signed contract.

Do not sign completion papers or make the final payment until the work is completed to your sat-isfaction. A reputable contractor will not threaten you or pressure you to sign if the job is not properly finished.

More information about making disaster-related repairs or rebuilding after a disaster is available on-line at www.fema.gov/rebuild

• Many people across Hamilton County have experienced devastating losses as a result of last week’s torna-dos and storms. In an effort to make the recovery process as easy as possible for Hamilton County residents impacted by the storm, the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Health Department is making available free copies of vital records and immunization records. Residents who have lost these records due to the disas-ter may obtain free, certified birth and death certificates at the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Health Department located at 921 E. 3rd Street.

• The City of Chattanooga began the FY2012 budgeting process in January with the preparation of documents by the various departments and agencies demonstrating funding requests for the upcoming fiscal year. The Requested Capital Budget Document presents the initial requests for funding submitted to the Finance Department and City Council for Fiscal Year ending June 30, 2012. The Requested Capital Budget is available for review at www.chattanoo-ga.gov. The Requested Capital Budget Document does not represent the city’s proposed nor approved Capital Budget for the upcoming fiscal year.


Storms & CleanupTo all the power crews who worked around

the clock, thank you so much for all your hard work! I know many of you haven’t seen your families since this happened and I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your hard work. You truly are heroes!Patricia Elide

The devastation from the tornadoes is almost beyond comprehension. Homes and business destroyed, lives lost, entire neighborhoods nearly wiped off the face of the earth. Yet, in all of this what we’ve seen is the very best of our community. Thousands and neighbors and volunteers have leant a hand to help those who lost so much, from the excellent work of the Red Cross to a neighbor bringing over a chainsaw or a broom. Not to mention all the businesses who have gone out of their way to support the storm victims and the people helping to restore power. This is what “community” is all about, and it makes me proud to live in such a wonderful place.Jessica Tolliver

EPB and other utilities did an amazing job in restoring power after the storms, which

were far worse than the 1993 blizzard. They should all be commended for their hard work. However, what is to be done with all the debris still left in people’s yards? Downed trees, damaged transforms, broken utility poles, and so forth. Many of our older and less abled neighbors don’t have the physical ability to move all the brush and

such to their curbs. Will EPB or the various city and county public works crews help out, or are we left to fend for ourselves?Bernard F. Harris

The damage from the April 27 tornadoes was unprecedented in both scale and severity. So far, we have identified 608 broken utility poles and 379 damaged transformers. By comparison, during the Blizzard of ’93 we replaced only 89 broken utility poles and in a typical year we replace roughly 200 poles. We will continue to work until we restore power to all homes and businesses. We would also like to reassure customers that we realize in many areas we have left behind equipment and materials, such as transformer and broken pole parts. Once all customers are back on, we will return to clean up these materials. Thank you for your patience!Thank you to our customers for their patience during this difficult time. We understand your frustration and are doing all we can to restore service to you as quickly as possible.Lacie Newton Electric Power Board

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

[email protected]

We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name,

city and contact information.

Commentary & CrimeNEWS


Politics & CrimeNEWS

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, May 17 meeting of

the Chattanooga City Council.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office,

the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

9. Departmental Reports:a) Department of Human Services b) Department of Parks and Recreation c) Department of Public Works d) Department of Neighborhood Services e) Department of Education, Arts & Culture f) Fire Department g) Police Department h) Department of Personnel i) Department of Finance and Administration j) City Attorney

Each week at the city council meeting, the heads of each department have the oppor-tunity to address the council on any needs or requests. But there’s more than that—the heads of the departments are also there to address citizen concerns directly. So if you have an idea, suggestion or complaint about something covered by one of the above departments, this is a perfect oppor-tunity to direct it to the top person.

• One of Chattanooga’s most (in)famous former canine residents will get the full Dis-covery Channel treatment this Sunday eve-ning. Winston, the pit-bull mix who attacked a Chattanooga police car last year, literally chewing off a portion of the front bumper of the squad car, will be featured in When Ani-mals Bite Back, airing this Sunday, May 15 on the Discovery Channel. Authorities still do not know exactly why Winston attacked the police cruiser, but the story went international rather quickly once police officials released a photo of the damaged vehicle. He was taken to animal court where he was sentenced to obedience school, which he ended up passing with flying colors. Sadly, Winston passed away last Octo-ber from heart-related problems, but his story will live on, thanks to the folks at Discovery Channel.

• Since when did fourth graders start pack-ing heat? That’s a question officials at Eastside Elementary School are asking themselves after a 9-year-old student was found with a loaded handgun on campus. A teacher overheard the boy tell another student to look at the gun, at which point she went to his desk and discovered the loaded weapon. Making matters worse, or

at least more disturbing, the child claimed to be a member of a lo-cal gang. Police took the boy into custody but have to determine where and how he acquired the weapon and whether he was ac-tually in a gang or just boasting to authorities.

• With the recent storms, there have been a depressingly large number of reports of looting and fraud. Yet one theft report stands out simply because of the oddity of what was reported stolen—six fishing poles. A Mountain Creek Road resident told police that a man knocked on the back door and asked about cleaning up some fallen trees. When the homeowner said no, the man then walked to the front of the house and ducked inside the garage. Afterward, a woman saw him dart out of the garage with the purloined poles in hand. He was seen heading toward the Alpine Village apartment complex, but after a search of the area, officers were unable to locate either the man or the fishing poles.

• Sometimes people are just in the wrong place at the wrong time…and with someone else’s child. Chattanooga Police responded to a domestic disturbance call on Crompton Street last week and when the suspect refused to come out of the house, they told him they

were calling in the SWAT team. While they were clearing the area in preparation for the arrival of SWAT, they found a man sleeping in a car in front of the house. When they woke the man and told him he needed to move, in-stead of complying he became belligerent and assaulted officers by kicking and punching them. Once he was subdued, officers not only found meth and Xanax in the car, which they believe the man was under the influence of, but also found a 4-year-old girl. Her mother was quickly located after the man said he had no idea who the girl was, and she was taken into custody after questioning. And while all this was happening, the barricaded man decided he didn’t want to deal with SWAT officers and sur-rendered to police before the special unit could even arrive.


I was a Girl Scout Failure. Yep, I was a Brownie for one day, then told my mother I did not want to go back. I was embarrassed I did not know the songs. But I missed out, as is evident from the visit of a troop of Girl Scouts recently.

Troup leader Brenda Bell-McAdams of Girl Scouts of the Southern Appalachians called and told me about a project her troop, along with Girl Scouts across the US, is working on. Called “It’s Your Story—Tell It! A Leadership Journey”, it’s designed to help girls become more media-savvy, understanding the messages, negative and positive, that media promotes about girls and women—and learning to take control of those messages. Using sections such as “Stereo-types—Easy But Inaccurate,” the program allows girls to figure out for themselves what they want to act like, look like and be.

Girls and leadership? I was immediately on board. So we hosted half the troop on a tour of The Pulse and the Brewer Media radio stations, including Power 94, Groove 93, ESPN, Hippie 106.9 and WPLZ 95.3. I enlisted the help of Donna L, Power radio personal-ity, and we walked the girls through the station, talk-ing to everyone from Donna’s fellow radio personality

Eric Foster to ad exec Chee Chee Gamble, to WPLZ Program Director Gary Poole. Donna helped the girls re-cord a promo for Power 94—and everyone told them about a mil-lion times to stay in school. I took them around “Pulseland” and explained how we put the paper together. Brenda explained that the project is also intended to help the girls understand the right ways to use social media as well.

The next step is that the troop will be making their own videos in support of the project.

Brenda wrote to me, “The girls had a great time visiting the studio. They and I learned a lot!

“The girls have begun the re-make proj-ects and would be thrilled if some of your staff would consider assisting us. The girls

have chosen to re-create a commercial sponsored by the T.J. Maxx Stores that shows women dressed in apparel sold by the store. Most of the women are white, professional looking, slim, young adults. The girls want to make a commercial that reflects a wider customer base that includes girls and women of all ages, sizes and socio-economic backgrounds…

“The girls will need guidance from a professional and I would like to know if the young man who handles videos on your staff and one other person be willing to assist us? We hope to accomplish the re-make in two sessions. In the first session. the girls will write the script and stage the

video. In the second session, we will actually film the video at the store, if allowed. If not, we will film it at the Council or, perhaps, at the broadcast station if that is possible.

“Lastly, the small group that visited the broadcast station was only half of the girls. I’d like to bring the other half through some time before June 8.”

We’ll be helping the girls make the videos, with Josh Lang assisting with video and Donna L and I helping create scripts and voiceovers. Do you have ideas about helping assist this project along? I can tell you from personal experience that role models and men-tors play perhaps the most important roles in shap-ing how girls view their lives, their chances of success, and their self esteem. E-mail Brenda at [email protected] if you would would like to help this project be the best one in the nation.

Maybe after all these years I will finally learn the songs. Is it ever too late to be a Brownie?

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

The Belated BrownieBeyond The HeadlinesOPINION

“The girls want to make a commercial that reflects a wider customer base that includes girls and women of all ages, sizes and socio-economic backgrounds.”


By Reginald Owens, Pulse Feature Writer

Hey! That 1989 Datsun can bring you cold hard cash

Turning Junk Into CashCOVER STORY

That Ain’t Junk

“Rusty old metal objects that are of no use to you anymore can earn you a pretty penny or two at Junkyard Mafia.”

You might call it “junk.” But that so-called junk might very well be treaure in someone else’s eyes. Sure, the purple-tinted glass flower holder that your mother gave you 10 years ago could be considered as a waste of space in your kitchen. But that very same flower holder could be a consid-ered a centerpiece in another person’s home décor. And in some cases, you might even be able to cash in on your junk.

Before you throw it out—think about this: The world has gotten pretty comfortable with using the forever ready-and-willing garbage can as sort of a black hole to permanently dispose of aged and rejected items and objects.


On average each human being produces about 4.4 pounds of waste every day of their more or less sanitary lives, according to The National Recycling Coalition. That would mean every single person could create his or her own monumental pile of waste weighing a little over a ton every single year. Most of this waste gets dumped in various landfills, which are basically enormous holes in the ground where we send all of our trash—and have to pay for through taxes. These landfills create air pollution and often contaminate water systems with waste leakage. If these statistics are alarm-ing to you, take a little bit of comfort in the fact that a range of various organi-zations and establishments have sprung up over the past years that offer what may be considered the best cure for this junk-generat-ing disease. Beyond signing up for the city’s recycling program—and why haven’t you if you haven’t?—here are some ways to creatively and sometimes profitably can your junk.

Greg Ross, proprietor of Estate of Confusion, opened his shop after many years of collecting various objects that others considered as junk. Soon, Ross had ac-cumulated such an extensive collection that he needed somewhere to properly house his items. From the outside, it’s a modest shop located at 301 Main St. on the Southside—but Estate of Confusion has become the go-to place for both companies and individuals with the need to simply get rid of stuff.

“The Estate of Confusion is a variety shop at best— surplus and salvage is what I do,” says Ross. “Overproduction, demolition, architec-tural—basically anything that’s in anybody’s way and needs to be moved.”

Ross had an early understanding that al-though an item may have been discarded as useless rubbish, it could be considered as valuable in another setting and used to its full potential. So, an object’s level of value can de-crease or increase depending on its location, as in: Someone who has two chairs in one room may not appreciate the furniture as much as someone with a room that has no chairs. Mov-ing the chair to the other room makes it all the more desirable.

“If it’s in your way and you just want it out of your way, then you will throw it away,” says

Ross. “By the same token, if you take some-thing that is in your way and someone takes it to where there’s a need for it, then there be-comes a value in the location.”

But how often does somebody grow so tired of a perfectly functional item that they just want it gone from their sight? “There’s some-thing in someone’s way everywhere,” says Ross. “There’s no telling what you’ll find here.” Truly stated. Ross has junk coming into him from ev-erywhere, making his assembly of collectables

both vast and unique. His stock is available for

purchase, whether it be a commercial business or an individual person look-ing for forgotten trea-sures. Walking in, the eye roves everywhere over an astounding array. There are plumbing parts, light shades, and electrical sock-ets. Aside from tools and hardware, there’s a brilliant collection of soda bottles from some decades ago. Car collectors will find a parallel-parked 1989 Dat-sun, a neglected jewel that is most memorable for be-

ing the last line of cars by that name before it was converted to Nissan the next year.

Many of Ross’s items have nearly the same exact story when it comes to how he came upon them. A thousand-pound marble pool table stacked in his shop, for example, was es-timated to be worth around $24,000 when it was new. “It was disassembled and badly crated in the basement of a local department store,” says Ross. “And once it got in the way they were like, ‘take it and get it out of here.’” It was a just a hefty obstacle to the previous owner, but to Ross it’s “bad to the bone.”

Right across from the pool table, there is an impressive organ positioned on a stoop a few inches above the ground, giving it a sort of grand presentation. It’s a Hammond B3 concert organ—one of the most renowned instruments in its class. “Now this one has seen a better day. But every blues band or gospel choir is looking for one of these if they don’t already have one,” says Ross. “It came from a church around the corner where it was just in the way.” Contact Estate of Confusion at (423) 266-7846, www.estateofconfusion.com

The consistent crisis of things “getting in the way” is normally solved by filling up the trash can or taking a quick trip to the closest dump-


“Re:Store is different from a regular thrift store because

we try to really focus on things that will help you build a

house.”



ster. But with local shops like Estate of Con-fusion, you can get rid of something without having to produce more waste and at the same time give someone else a chance to make use of it.

Habitat for Humanity of Greater Chatta-nooga is a nonprofit organization that builds new, more affordable houses for people with incomes too low to afford a home on their own. Volunteers provide all of the manpower on these projects, and the houses are sold at a price that includes absolutely no profit or in-terest. Most people know that part.

But Habitat also manages a sort of thrift store for household goods called Re:Store. Here, you can donate almost anything you can find your home, whether new or old and it will be sold at a price 50-75 percent lower than retail price for those that need it. Whatever profit Re:Store generates from their sales goes directly to Habitat to fund the construction of new houses.

The first store opened up in Austin, TX in 1997, and Habitat now has 750 stores through-out the US and Canada. Re:Store finally made its way to Chattanooga in May 2004 at 1201 E. Main St. (The Re:Store plant is being com-pletely redesigned as a LEED-certified “green” building and will re-open in the Main St. loca-tion on July 26. In the meantime, Re:Store op-erates out of a temprary location at 3126 Alton Park Blvd.)

With the help of Tina Shaw Cox, director of Habitat Re:Store Operations, Re:Store has completely changed the definition of junk.

“People often think, ‘Oh, that’s just junk. I’m going to throw it away’, but in all actual-ity it’s a very useful item that somebody else can use,” says Cox. With the new definition applied, there is an endless supply of not-junk

at Re:Store. There are door hinges, plywood, toilets, rolls of wall paper, cans of paint, and shelves of assorted tools for sale at thrift-store prices. Aside from used items, there are a few brand-new washing machines, dryers, and mi-crowaves on hand.

“Re:Store is different from a regular thrift store because we try to really focus on things that will help you build a house,” says Cox. When contractors complete a project and have things like leftover construction materials, or if someone remodels their house, simply donat-ing the leftovers could help someone else with the construction of their home.

“We’ve had complete kitchens where some-one buys a new home and doesn’t like the kitchen and will just rip out the whole thing and donate it,” says Cox. “So, [if you’re] upgrad-ing your kitchen and installing all-new cabinets or something, don’t throw those cabinets away because that might be a new look for somebody else’s kitchen.”

Another example of impactful donations has to do with the recent storms that whipped through Chattanooga. “A lot of people re-did their windows recently with the recent tax credits, so when you get your new windows—don’t throw the old ones away,” says Cox. “People whose windows were blown out from the recent storm can come here and purchase a window for about $10, as opposed to going to a big store where it may cost $60-$80.”

If things are a little too big for you to trans-port it in a regular car, Re:Store will actu-ally come pick it up for you for free. A storage truck makes about eight scheduled pickups a day. Call (423) 634-1004 for pick-up.

This makes it easier to donate to Re:Store, and adds to the fight against creating needless waste. As a result of this proactive recycling


service, Chattanooga’s Re:Store has stopped more than 550 tons of waste from being dumped into the landfills.

On top of that, Re:Store upholds their Christian foun-dation by sending tithes to Haiti, donating 10 percent of all profits and building 333 houses in the earthquake-rav-aged country. “You’re recycling, getting a tax write-off, and you’re helping your community build more houses,” says Cox. All of these things make the act of recycling a little more powerful, and give it even more meaning to the average person.

In yet another part of town, there is a locally owned recycling powerhouse by the name of Junkyard Mafia. Dealing strictly with metal, this shop recycles 20,000 tons of scrap metal a year. The number is even higher for larger metals like bulldozers and forklifts. While it started in 1989 with Lee Buff, a sort of private welder who cut steel for commercial accounts, it took a couple attempts before Junkyard Mafia earned the respect they have today.

“Buff eventually opened to the public, but recycling back in the early ’90s wasn’t as nearly as cool as it is in 2011, so it didn’t survive,” says Jennifer Buckner, business manager of Junkyard Mafia. So, they took a second stab at it in 2003 and steadily built their name. Today, the shop is a common contact for con-struction companies, contractors, and individuals alike. Why are they so popular? Because they actually pay you for something that you don’t want. Rusty old metal objects that are of no use to you anymore can earn you a pretty penny or two at Junkyard

Mafia.“We buy every type of metal,” says Buckner. “There are re-

ally very few things that we don’t accept.” And she means it—everything from old trampolines to lawnmowers are acceptable metals and can be recycled.

“We get all sorts of things, ike an airplane that was scrapped as junk after being in an accident,” says Buckner. “We painted it and propped her up out front and that has kind of turned into our logo here.”

The process of recycling the metal involves preparing it, which means torch and cut it to needed specifications, and loading it

up to be sent out to the steel mill where it is processed and reused. Two types of metals are processed and prepared differently. Ferrous metals are made of iron or steel, which is usually derived from cars or old machinery. Non-ferrous metals include materials like copper, aluminum, brass, and lead. So anything that is made with these types of metals is fair game and could earn you some quick cash. Price is determined by weight, so for heavier the wealthier. “We’ve had individuals come here and make over $100,00 by just selling junk, so there’s definitely money to be made,” says Buckner.

For companies that are having a remodeling or clean-out session, they offer a warehouse clean-out service where they set up roll-off containers to help move and package the metal materials. Large or small, they will find a way to bring it in. Junkyard Mafia is a huge factor in the recycling of metal in Chattanooga, and the environment

is healthier because of it. “Metal will not dispose of itself and it will not go away,” says Buckner. “For years and years, people have just been taking this stuff to landfills.”

Contact Junkyard Mafia at (423) 238-3444, or visit them online at www.junkyardmafia.com

Upshot? Before you toss it, check out what it might be worth to you, or to someone else. The old adage “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” has never been truer.

Please also see this week’s Arts feature for how junk is turned into art.



I was eating lunch with a co-worker who decided to fill a lull in the conversation with a question between slurping mouthfuls of lo mein.

(Note: His eating habits would be repulsive to most, but this guy really loved his Asian food. Not “liked”; not “really enjoyed”: I’m talking Julia Roberts-movie everlasting LOVE here, and it allowed me to look past his otherwise disturbing ingestion habits.)

“How do you write? I mean, you know…these articles.” He was referring to an issue of The Pulse on the table that was doing double-duty as a periodical and a placemat for the sloppy bastard.

“What do you mean, ‘how’? It’s what we do for a living, man. Call after call. How can we not write about this stuff?” I replied.

“No, you know what I mean. These are different,” he said as he tapped on the paper with a fork I suspected he was wearing to a nub. (He didn’t believe in the chopstick; he loved the food of the Orient like Elvis loved the Baby Jesus, but he was a firm believer in the volume-enhancing power of the Western fork.) “Did you learn this in school?” An entire piece of broccoli fell from his mouth; he did not notice.

I usually avoided this question because there was never an answer that didn’t sound pompous or inadequate, but his interest was genuine, so like most things, I tried to wing it.

“The basics, yeah, but this isn’t writing. It’s just talking, man. I don’t write, I talk, like you and me sitting here. That story about the guy marrying his step-mom after his dad died?” I said, referencing the paper, “That happened four years ago. I just play it back in my head and try to paint a picture the way I recall it. I tell the facts and just…mix it up with what was going on in my mind as they happen. Nothing special, we just have better material to work

with than any script in Hollywood.”

“Hmmph,” he replied, and for a split second he stopped chewing and raised an eyebrow while simultaneously pulling his mouth into a frown. His hands turned to fists on the table as his chest spasmed and he abruptly coughed, apparently having dislodged whatever was literally starting to choke him. He remained still a few seconds more, shrugged, then went

back at it. Amazing.“We’ve got time to eat,” I tried to assure him

as I raised my own eyebrow in a mix of alarm and rekindled horror. “Relax, fella.”

It’s true, you know. This column is a conversation written by one, but takes place between the two of us once you begin reading it. A stream of conscious observations punctuated by my thoughts from time to time, which come together to stimulate you into creating your own observations as they interact. These words are paint on the unlimited tapestry that is your mind (yours, not mine) and if you pay attention….you’ll catch yourself responding (hence, the “conversation”). See? Just now, you responded by wondering in the very least if I’m somehow bullshitting you here.

It’s not for everyone, of course; some cops drink to ease the pressure, some collect women (or men), others race cars or cut a lot of firewood. I just happen to mix the drinking with the writing and got a call one day to negotiate a price for the work. Go figure.

Unlike the other methods that hide the real issues, writing lays things out on a table for you to sort through

them and eventually put them back into their proper containers. Otherwise things get cluttered and decision-making takes a shot to the gut, and in this line of work…that doesn’t go on very long, or at least very successfully. (And that, for the record, is not meant to be funny; I’ve lost more brothers to their demons than bullets, and that’s why so many Blue pick up this fish wrapper. It reminds them that not only are they not alone, but there are a few of us willing to tell the whole world we might just be crazy.)

All those horrible sights, all the unwanted memories. Quick quiz: Ever see a pet consume its owner after death? Find a drowned 5 year old? Some cops stuff them away, some throw them out. But that’s why we’re here, you and I…to sift through the trash of a cops psyche like looking through a hooker’s window with a mix of curiosity and disgust. Let the healing begin, Hallelujah! (Or…not.)

My partner finally slowed down and just in time, too; he’d begun to hum (or moan) subconsciously, such was his joy. “Need to walk this off? Field trip to the Walnut Street Bridge maybe?” I suggested

“Sure,” he said, but not before fixing a to-go box. We all have our demons.

I put mine on paper…and eventually, he puts his in a toilet bowl.

Let the healing begin.

The Armed Stenographer

Alex Teach

On The BeatOPINION

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, car-penter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

“This column is a conversation written by one, but takes place between the two of us once you begin reading it.


The movement to produce art from recycled materials deeply inspires with its imaginative application to both art concepts and art media. Recycled art appears in fine arts as well as folk arts. The contemporary Chinese exhibition at the Cress Gallery brought Long Bin Chen’s magnificent heads sculpted from stacked phone books. In Taos, old televisions containing spray-paint cans were placed by posterboard, then these televisions were shotgunned to produce dynamic ab-stract paintings.

The art of collage often makes use of recycled materials, and many surreal constructions depend on novel juxtaposi-tions of common objects. In fact, recycled art has been an im-portant wing of modernism, with famous examples scattered all through the 20th century. Consequently, the impulse to recycle materials in interesting ways remains an important component of contemporary art production.

The intentionality of recycled art turns on use. Recycling has long been an industrial concept; for example, Kodak would recycle old film stock to reclaim its silver content, but the use of this silver would return it to new film stock. How much artistic photography was done on film containing re-cycled silver? This question seems silly, since the use of the silver remains industrial. When an object or a “ready made” is placed in an aesthetic context, it has been put into aesthetic use, and even its original and industrial design elements are inevitably brought into new aesthetic contemplation.

Our convention views such as-semblages as the work of the artist, but on one level the work becomes a semi-autonomous collaboration. Of course, the original designers do not participate in the artist’s intention. In this context, use and intention are largely synonymous.

An actual industrial collabora-tive art medium is probably most familiar to us from filmmaking, a medium that emerged during the Industrial Age, in which many in-tentions merge into a production that lists the names of many col-laborators. Even filmstock can be recycled. For example, Kubrick re-used stock shot for Doctor Strangelove in 2001: A Space Od-

yssey.Eddie Bridges has

become familiar to many Chattanoogans both because of his pub quiz sessions and his art productions at JJ’s Bohemia. Whimsical and effective, like his mo-biles made from windshield wipers and beer cans, or his electric whips that combine remote con-trols with a lamp cord and washers, Bridges con-

tinually remakes mundane objects into elegant works. Bridges remarks, “We are assaulted regularly with ‘reduce, reuse and recycle’, but we should think about every object that passes through our hands.” This kind of attention produces many and varied reuses. Bridges produced a parodic series of sideshow jars, containing mysterious substances with satiric labels.

On the fine arts end, Jan Chenoweth will also place mys-terious jars into her abstract canvases or other constructions. Possibly, elements in these jars may be recognizable, but their contents are seldom completely clear. Between Bridges and Chenoweth very similar recycled media are used to different

effects, but both preserve a sense of mystery.

Local artist Robin MacKillop produces “leather roses”, with indi-vidual petals arranged and sewn by hand. She appreciates the unique quality of an uncommon material that has essentially been salvaged and turned to fresh effect.

Recycled art dominates at Wind-er Binder Gallery. David Smother-man estimates that 75 percent of artists shown there use recycled materials, At the upcoming Who Fest (May 28, 29), recycled art will also be available.

In the shop, Michael Wimmer, who shows at 4Bridges, has as-semblages and clocks. Kimberly Dawn has created a beery fash-ion statement, displaying a dress made from cut-up beer cans and other alcohol paraphernalia. Daniel Shultle, who produces longboards,

makes collages of his scrap wood. Exotic wood collage can be very beautiful. Christina Glidden displays a necklace of exotic found materials to rival fine arts jewelry.

“Missionary” Mary L. Proctor will paint on scrap metal. She has pieces in the Smithsonian Museum. Bill Hall’s bullet sculptures provide a startling variety of character. Nashville’s Emily Allison creates collages from old coffee tins. Atlanta artist Charlie Henson’s scrap metal “Battleship” awaits at the doorway into the shop. Daniel Johnson turns old doors and washing machines into large visuals by grinding and painting them. He’s from Chickamauga. Chattanooga’s Whitney Nave Jones paints on recycled packing wood and shelves. Look for David Hammock’s work that borders on fine arts. Remember, the chaotic detritus of our world awaits recreation!

Please note: The special AVA gallery show of Outlaw Print-makers runs only until May 16. Six artists—wow!

The Art of JunkFeatureARTS

By Michael Crumb, Pulse Arts Writer

“Recycled art has been an important wing of modernism, with famous examples scattered all through the 20th century.”


Arts & Events CalendarARTS

ThursdayRuddigore1 p.m. Lee University Conn Center, 150 11th St., NE., Cleveland. (423) 614-8340.Spring Tour of Habitat Homes5 p.m. The Mill of Chattanooga, 1601 Gulf St. (423) 756-0507. www.themillofchattanooga.comThe Historic Pub Crawl: Southside Edition5:30 p.m. Alleia, 25 East Main St. (423) 265-3247.Agape Art Academy Student Art Opening Reception5:30 p.m. Reflections Gallery, Eastgate Town Center, 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-3072.Art + Issues: Race in Chattanooga6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.orgHandsOn Hunter: Mastering the Wave in Watercolor with Alan Shuptrine6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org

Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comThird Day in Concert7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.govDale Jones8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

FridayDynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comMembers opening for Beverly Semmes6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.orgChattanooga Girls Choir 2011 Spring Concert & Silent Auction7 p.m. Ridgedale Baptist Church, 1831 Hickory Valley Rd. (423) 296-1006.Fish & Chips ChattaCaribbean Style7 p.m. The Mill of Chattanooga, 1601 Gulf St. (423) 266-6918. www.themillofchattanooga.comRuddigore7 p.m. Lee University Conn Center, 150 11th St., NE, Cleveland. (423) 614-8340.My Children, My Africa7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.comDale Jones7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

The House on Pooh Corner7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comScenic City Chorale7:30 p.m. Brainerd Baptist Church, 300 Brookfield Ave. (423) 755-6100.Manifest Poetry Slam8 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.The Women8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comFemale Impersonation ShowMidnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SaturdayKids Fish ‘n’ Fun Derby8:30 a.m. Camp Jordan, 323 Camp Jordan Pkwy. www.tnaqua.orgDay Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 20119 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. www.tvrail.comChattanooga Walk 4 Hearing9 a.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 894-3138.Greenway Challenge Adventure Race10 a.m. Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann Store Rd. northchick.org/GreenwayChallenge2011 Tour of Roses10 a.m. Self Guided, Downtown Chattanooga. (423) 899-5719. www.chattanoogarose.orgBrainerd Farmers Market10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 458-6281.

Chattanooga River Market10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.comThe E Play10:30 a.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comCity of Chattanooga CarnivalNoon. First Cumberland Presbyterian, 1505 North Moore Rd. (423) 698-2556.Art till DarkNoon. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.comMy Children, My Africa2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. www.ensembletheatreofchattanooga.comCSO Guild Gala: A Night in Vegas6 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 267-8583. www.chattanoogasymphony.orgEveryday Heroes ALS Gala6:30 p.m. Chattanoogan Hotel, 1201 Broad St. (423)855-0645.

Historic Pub Crawl: Southside EditionThe Social, Alleia, Porker’s, Urban Stack, St. John’s, The Terminal, The Choo Choo.$35 (includes T-shirt, does not include food or beverages)5:30 p.m. Meet at The Social, 1110 Market St. or Alleia, 25 E. Main St.(423) 265-3247.

The Women“Jungle red nails” in Clare

Boothe Luce’s tale of female intrigue.

$30 opening night, includes reception

7 p.m. reception, 8 p.m. showChattanooga Theater Center,

Main Stage, 400 River St. Music: (423) 697-3383,

Theatre: (423) 697-3246.

THURSDAY FRIDAY


The Queen’s Concert Series7 p.m. Delta Queen, 100 River St. (423) 468-4500. www.deltaqueenhotel.comSpirits in the Wild7 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 North Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1319. www.chattzoo.orgRuddigore7 p.m. Lee University Conn Center, 150 11th St., NE. (423) 614-8340.Lookouts vs. Tennessee Smokies7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.comThe House on Pooh Corner7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Dale Jones7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.comThe Women8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comSaturday Night Movie with Ms. Kitty8 p.m. Baylor School Student Center, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505.Stand Up Comedy!10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com

Hippie Radio 106.9 Moonlight Cruise11 p.m. Southern Belle Riverboat, 201 Riverfront Pkwy. www.chattanoogariverboat.comFemale Impersonation ShowMidnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SundayDay Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 20119 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. www.tvrail.comGreenway Womens 5k9 a.m. Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann Store Rd. northchick.org/GreenwayChallengeSee Spot Run A K9 5K10 a.m. Collegedale Greenway, Tucker Rd. (423) 238-5879.Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comChattanooga Market: EPB Strawberry Festival11 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. www.chattanoogamarket.com2011 Tour of RosesNoon. Self Guided, Downtown Chattanooga. (423) 899-5719. www.chattanoogarose.orgLookouts vs. Tennessee Smokies2:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.comThe House on Pooh Corner2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Open Improvisational Jam3 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.orgChattanooga Bach Choir3:30 p.m. Christ Episcopal Church, 663 Douglas St. www.chattanoogabachchoir.org“Songbook: Aretha Franklin”6 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658.My Children, My Africa6:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.comDale Jones8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

MondayBluff and Bridges Downtown Tour7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Lookouts vs. Tennessee Smokies7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.comChattanooga Ghost Tour8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

TuesdayTuesday Night Live! Fundraiser5:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comSongwriter’s Line-up7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

Lookouts vs. Tennessee Smokies7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.comChattanooga Ghost Tour8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

WednesdayDynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comLookouts vs. Tennessee Smokies11:15 a.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.comLookouts Autograph Party1:30 p.m. Big River Grille, 222 Broad St. 423) 267-2739.Main Street Farmers Market4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.comJewish Film Series: Walk on Water5:30 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.comChattanooga Ghost Tour8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125.

Arts & Events CalendarARTS

Chattanooga Rogue ShowArt from Miki Boni and Cynthia Wilson at slashed prices.10 a.m. – 5 p.m.55 E. Main St., 2nd Floor(423) 475-5533.

Songbook: Aretha Franklin

Celebrating the Queen of Soul with song and poetry.

Free6 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658.

www.bessiesmithcc.org

SATURDAY SUNDAY


There is so much going on in Chattanooga, that I “smh” at those who complain there is nothing to do. Especially where music is involved. This week I wanted to take you on an Eight-Day Musical Journey designed to reach all audiences and give us all an opportunity for new and unique Chatt-town nights.

Wednesday, May 11Fare Thee Well, The Waters Brothers, and Go Get Em Sheriff

The Honest Local Music Series has exploded, occurring every other Wednesday while alternating weekly with regional acts at 35 Patten Parkway. This night will bring together an especially biased night as each band has a member employed at The Honest Pint. Now you bandies, don’t rush to fill out an application just yet. But if you do, make sure and bring a demo. www.thehonestpint.com

Thursday, May 12 Southern Comfort: A Benefit Show with Nathan Farrow Band

Rhythm & Brews in cahoots with Big River will spend Thursday boot scootin’ to Nathan Farrow Band and raising money for storm relief. Nathan Farrow Band will provide a mix of outlaw country and songs of today. All proceeds will support our tornado-damaged neighbors.www.rhythm-brews.com

Friday, May 13 AJ Varcarcel and The Bitter Lesson

I love beer. I love music. If you and I have this in common then heading to the Moccasin Bend Brewery to taste their newest Black I.P.A. Rockin Chakra and hear the sounds of A.J. Varcarcel and The Bitter Lesson may be the way to go. Tunes travel only 15 feet from the brew kettles, giving a detailed view of where the local brews are born. Show starts at 8:30 p.m., so get there early to sample the brew you will be talking about for the rest of the night. www.bendbrewingbeer.com

Saturday, May 14 Gregory Tardy with the Mark Boling Trio

Saturday night step away to the sounds of Knoxville Jazz at Barking Legs Theater.Chattanooga audiences may not be aware of the wealth of jazz talent that resides in Knoxville as a result of UTK’s superb jazz program. These gentlemen provide the third installment of the jazz series at Barking Legs. www.barkinglegs.org

Sunday, May 15 Julie Gribble at the Chattanooga Market and EPB Strawberry Festival

Sundays at The First Tennessee Pavilion provide talented music acts each week. While our own Mark “PorkChop” Holder appears at the Saturday River Market, Sunday is held for country/Americana artist, Julie Gribble. This Atlanta native has been featured on The Late Late Show with Craig

Ferguson and has a pretty sweet resume, which can be found at juliegribble.com. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Monday, May 16Lon Eldridge at The CampHouse

Local blues man Lon Eldridge has begun sharing his voice and tunes every Monday at 7 p.m. with those who wish to explore an amazing worldwide coffee selection, non-smoking and all-ages environment with the ability to bring your own bottle of wine. www.thecamphouse.com

Tuesday, May 17Brian Olive at JJ’s Bohemia

Brian Olive is on tour to support the debut of his second solo album, Two of Everything, on June 7. A former member of The Greenhornes, Brian was able to work with Dan Auerbach of The

Black Keys. Dan will have Brian on his side along with Dr. John at The Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival later this year. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Wednesday, May 18Miss Tess and The Bon Ton Parade with The Bowsters

We end the journey where we began, at The Honest Pint. Miss Tess and The Bon Ton Parade are a favorite to many in Chattanooga and her music is unexplainable. A mash-up of soul, gypsy, and rock will glide through the chandeliers while The Bowsters out of Ringgold open. Cover again will only be 3 bucks to match newly added $3 Newcastle draft.www.thehonestpint.com

Still worried there is nothing to do in Chattanooga? That’s not even half of it.

“Miss Tess and The Bon Ton Parade are a favorite to many in Chattanooga and her music is unexplainable.”

An Eight-Day Music JourneyFeatureMUSIC

By Tara V, Pulse Music Writer


Be aware that this writer ap-proaches the new, debut co l laborat ive album from Thao & Mirah—featuring Thao Nguyen, leader

of the group Thao with The Get Down Stay Down, and K Records artist Mirah—coming from the Mirah camp. Mirah’s songs are in-triguing, provocative, yet sweet-sounding, although she could simply get by solely with her gorgeous, versatile voice, which can

elevate anything graced by it. This critic hasn’t really been taken by Thao’s catalog and hasn’t completely warmed to her voice, which sports a seemingly affected enuncia-tion, somewhat reminiscent of Chan Mar-shall (Cat Power), but in a more generally spirited, non-anti-social mode.

The self-titled album from Thao and Mirah ostensibly is centered on an NPR-friendly sound, with acoustic instruments enhanced with varied flourishes or incongruous ele-ments, like the Casio keyboard drum sounds on the duet “How Dare You.” However, there’s no true continuity on the album, which sports a number of unexpected turns; to its credit, it’s an album that doesn’t get into a rut, with each arrangement and se-lected instrumentation shifting for each song. Still, fans of either Thao or Mirah may likely find most of it to be a head-scratcher

of an album.Mirah’s “Rubies and Rocks” is an approxi-

mation of a soul-funk number, with horn vamps and fitting percussion, and Mirah pulls it off with a pointed, large-and-in-charge delivery—actually, a whole album in this style might be interesting to hear. Her “Spaced Out Orbit” channels Ray Bradbury-esque sci-fi uneasiness with sparse electronics and an echoing clatter, but it doesn’t quite gel in the end. Thao’s “Likable Man” is like a hobo patchwork that can destroy brain cells, with a drunk sax and her weird facsimile of a drawl; it’s shambling, but unexpectedly, the more it sounds like it’s just about to fall apart, the more it works. Thao & Mirah has its share of hits and misses and is brazenly inconsistent, full of odd yet welcome experiments for cu-rious listeners. — Ernie Paik

New Music ReviewsMUSIC

StarlickerDouble Demon(Delmark)

Thao & MirahThao & Mirah(Kill Rock Stars)

“The playing is extremely fierce, yet focused, like guided missiles screaming articulately and tearing through the atmosphere.”

The introduction of amplified instruments in the jazz realm with the dawn of fusion in the late ’60s opened up the possibilities of more aggressive, furious jazz numbers. One of the most exciting, white-hot jazz records this writer has heard lately is the debut album Double Demon from the trio Star-licker, but it manages to create its formidable intensity with just acoustic instruments and no dis-tortion to hide behind—every note is loud and clear. Bandleader and composer Rob Mazurek, known as a member of Chicago Under-ground and Exploding Star Orchestra, plays the cornet alongside Tortoise co-founder and drum-mer John Herndon and vibraphone player Jason Adasiewicz.

The song tempos are fast, like an evolved, fu-ture-generation hard bop, and the listener can tell that the band members are pushing them-selves and also pulling each other. Incredibly, Mazurek wrote all six compositions on the album in a whirlwind day-and-a-half, and in the liner notes, he explains that Double Demon is true ensemble music, where the sound is shaped in a consensual manner, without showboating—there’s room for the players to stretch, but it’s not totally scattered and chaotic, like free jazz. Unusually for a trio, there is no bass player, so the only instrument in the low range is the bass

drum, which is deeply felt; most of the action is in the mid-to-high end, sonically working its way down with an atypical clustering of sound.

Adasiewicz nimbly plays the vibes with a firm yet mellifluous style, and Mazurek has an admi-rable control over his instrument, laying down bright melodies that are magnetic, sticking with the listener almost immediately. Herndon plays with an approach that’s often heavy on the ride cymbal and snare drum, with a nearly constant barrage of sound that actually inspires energy, rather than being wearying. On Starlicker’s im-pressive debut, the playing is extremely fierce, yet focused, like guided missiles screaming ar-ticulately and tearing through the atmosphere. — Ernie Paik

Starlicker will perform at the Barking Legs The-ater on Thursday, May 12.


ThursdaySouthern Comfort: Helping Our Neighbors6 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.comOpen Mic Night7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.comThird Day in Concert7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.govBlues Jam with Rick Rushing7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comRock Blues Band8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comStarlicker7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.orgJimmy Harris8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com.

Mark “Porkchop” Holder9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechattSmoking Popes, Girl In A Coma, The Love Language10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

FridayJohnny Cash Tribute Band5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.comMark Kelly Hall and Charlsey Etheridge6 p.m. Good Dog Restaurant, 34 Frazier Ave. (423) 475-6175. www.eatatgooddog.comBen Friberg6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 East 11th Street, St. A110. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.comJimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comRock Blues Band8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comWendall Cain8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.comDana Rogers8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Jerry Fordham9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechattPlumb Krazy9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.comStevie Monce9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.www.myspace.com/jimstrikerFlibberty Gibbett9 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.comDJ E and Dancing9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.comDJ and Dancing9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.DJ and Dancing9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. www.thepalmshamilton.comCadillac Saints9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comDownstream10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.comDave Matthews Tribute Band10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.comKaraoke & Dancing10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883. www.cbcburns.com

Saturday Johnny Cash Tribute Band5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.www.choochoo.comJimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comTimberwolf8 p.m. The Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comDavid Jacobs-Strain8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org.Hegarty & DeYoung8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro,1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.comDana Rogers8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

StarlickerTrio featuring members of Tortoise and Exploding Star Orchestra.$87:30 p.m.Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave,(423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org

Gregory Tardy and the Mark Boling Trio

Knoxville jazz savants play the Legs.

$10 advance, $12 door8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave,(423) 624-5347.

www.barkinglegs.org

Concert Calendar MUSIC

THURSDAY SATURDAY


Gregory Tardy with the Mark Boling Trio8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.orgPlumb Krazy9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.comDJ and Dancing9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. www.thepalmshamilton.comThe Most Important Band in the World9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstrikerButch Ross9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechattGabe Newell and Muddy Soul9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comBreakfast Club10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Downstream10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Sunday Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966.myspace.com/debbiesloungeIrish Sessions Music6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.comJohn Byrne Band7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.comOpen Mic with Mike McDade7 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechattBenefit For Andy Elliott8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.comKaraoke with DJ Randy9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.comBlushin’ Roulettes, Gwyneth and Monko10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday Old Time Music Jam7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

Monday Night Blues with Lon Eldridge7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.comChristabel and the Jons8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemiaBig Band Nite8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Karaoke with DJ Randy9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday Brian Olive, Mean Daddy Jack and the Noise Complaints8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemiaTrain in Concert7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.govOpen Mic with Mike McDade8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

WednesdayJimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford

Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comBen Friberg7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comOpen Mic Night8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comMiss Tess and the Bon Ton Parade with The Bowsters8 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.comPrime Cut Trio8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comOld No. 79 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.comKaraoke with DJ Randy9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com

Concert Calendar MUSIC

Blushin’ Roulettes, Gwyneth and MonkoCool free show at JJ’s.No cover10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Brian Olive, Mean Daddy Jack and the

NoiseEx-Greenhornes Olive’s in town promoting soon-

to-be-released Two of Everything.

$78 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.(423) 266-1400.

myspace.com/jjsbohemia

SUNDAY TUESDAY


“It’s not that I’m a label junkie, it’s just

that designer clothing and shoes look better,

fit better and last longer.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts.

It's All About The Bargains

Chuck Crowder

Life In The ‘NoogOPINION

They say the road to financial ruin is paved with bargains. But the ride might just be worth the trip.

Like most Americans, there’s nothing I like better than a deal. And over time I’ve been able to acquire many cool things for which I can proudly say I didn’t pay anywhere close to retail. It’s knowing where to go and then being persistent, proactive and—more importantly—reactive when a normally expensive something is staring you in the eye on the cheap.

I recognize and appreciate the finer things in life but, like most people, I can’t afford those things—unless the markdowns are through the roof. I’m really into mid-century designer furniture, for example. The chairs and tables and stuff that, in addition to winning design awards based on their aesthetics, are damn comfortable as well. But if you try and buy that stuff retail or at auction, well, even the knock-offs are way more expensive than most people will plunk down for a La-Z-Boy. So you have to be creative in your acquisition of these post-modern masterpieces.

The trick is to only purchase from people who don’t know what they’re sitting on (so to speak). People cleaning out their hip great-uncle’s basement and find this chair that wouldn’t quite go with the overstuffed living room suite and projection television of their own Rooms-To-Go furnished homestead. “Hell, it’s a weird lookin’ chear and not much to set on, let’s just put it in the yardsell or on Crayagslist.” Then, as I’m doing my rounds of seeing what I can find, it shows up as “gimme $20 OBO (or best offer).” Sold.

I currently have an original Herman Miller designer molded fiberglass chair from the ’60s that I got at a yard sale for $10. It’s worth $300. I found an original Eames lounge chair (sans ottoman) in the extremely rare and hard-to-find rosewood shell at a resale shop for $650.

Then a year later I found a matching ottoman in the same rare rosewood on eBay for $300. You know the chair and ottoman—they were in Frazier’s apartment on the TV series. These sets sell on auction sites for $2,000 to $3,000 (and up) all day long. A coup, to say the least—and yes, it’s extremely comfortable.

I also like nice clothes. I’m that guy who’d rather have one nice suit than three cheap ones. It’s not that I’m a label junkie, it’s just that designer clothing and shoes look better, fit better and last longer. But you’re never going to find this stuff on the cheap in most retail stores. You’d be surprised though, if you look hard enough and often enough at the discount liquidation stores, you can find good designer stuff that’s less expensive than the cheaply made stuff.

If you know me, then you know that my fashion M.O. is to wear sport jackets with jeans and T-shirts. There’s nothing

I like better than finding a good deal on a sport coat. Recently I was able to find a Burberry sport coat at that lost airline baggage hotspot 40 minutes down the road for $75. It didn’t quite fit me to a T, so I took it to a good tailor and had the entire thing altered for another $75 so it now it fits me like a glove (even though it’s not a glove, it’s a jacket). They sell the same jacket on the Burberry Web site for $800. I also just found a cool leather fully lined Cole Haan sport coat at a local discount clothing store for $60. No telling what that thing goes for at retail. And as for shoes, there’s no place like Becky’s. Nothing over $50.

I will say that I never go bargain shopping with the intention of finding that one thing that I’m looking for (or even need). If specifics are involved, save your time and if time is of the essence, save the effort. Because I have never entered into the pursuit of bargainhood thinking that I’m going to find something. The trick is to visit your resources often, and be ready to pounce on a deal when it’s right in front of you.

Patience is key in the whole bargain-basement scenario. Remember the year it took me to match that rare chair with a rare (affordable) ottoman? I knew I’d eventually find one. I just kept on looking until I did. You have to be diligent, and above all patient.

Fact is, there are many outlets for bargains in and around the ‘noog that don’t have the word “outlet” in their names. Find the hole-in-the-wall stores, the best-kept secrets. Learn how to tell an original from a knock-off. And know a good deal when you see one. That’s the trick to obtaining the finer things in life, without acquiring the debt to really enjoy them.


Blockbuster movie season has begun with yet another Marvel comic-book film featuring a lesser-known character, a character I have always considered somewhat silly. Thor, the comic, is loosely based on the Nordic thunder god of the same name, a mythological legend full of warrior bravado, he-roic deeds, and magical realms.

I must admit that my preference for superhero origins has always been based on farfetched pseudoscience; give me ra-dioactive spiders, gamma bombs, and exploding planets any day of the week. There is far too much lore required when dealing with ancient civilizations and their folk stories. I can’t keep up.

It is much easier to accept a hero when his powers can be explained sufficiently in a couple of sentences. To truly un-derstand Thor—and I can’t claim that I do—you have to un-derstand the history of Asgard, learn the players of the realm, and the various powers associated with them. All I need to know about Batman is that his parents were killed by a crimi-nal and he’s unbelievably rich.

Plus, Thor wears preposterous helmets and carries a ham-mer. That’s pretty lame. Yet somehow, despite my aversion to the character itself, the filmmakers managed to create an engaging experience, one with enough wit and charm to overcome the relative absurdity of the back story. Were I to guess, the credit for this rests almost solely with the film’s director, the impeccable Kenneth Branagh.

Thor is the son of Odin, the Allfather, ruler of the nine realms and king of Asgard. He is heir to the throne, beating out his brother Loki for the position. The ancient legends in

Norse mythology are true, but forgotten in modern times. Asgard has been at war with the race of Frost Gi-ants for eons, though an uneasy truce has been reached.

On the day Thor is to be crowned king of As-gard, a group of Frost Giants breaks into the realm in order to steal something shiny and blue. While they are unsuccessful, Thor sees it as an act of war and wants to eliminate them as a threat altogether. Odin says no, Thor tries anyway, and gets cast out of Asgard to Earth where he is to learn humility.

This is what I mean when I say there is too much to ex-plain. Who are all of these people? What is Asgard? Is it

a city in the clouds? Is it a planet? Why are most of them Nordic white people ex-cept for that one guy who is Asian? Thor claims that magic and science are one in the same in Asgard. But what does that mean? For some reason, I find this harder to believe than a man that can swing between buildings on spider silk and scale walls. Thor’s mythol-ogy is just too ridiculous.

However, I believe the film works because Branagh un-derstands how silly all of this really is. The few good comic book films have all been a bit tongue-in-cheek and Thor is a perfect example. Branagh respects the source material, enough to keep it from being campy, but also realizes that the ability to suspend disbelief is difficult when dealing with ancient Norse gods.

The actors themselves are present and capable, but none have quite the charisma of Robert Downey Jr., so the parts could easily be cast differently without affecting the out-

come. Natalie Port-man has proven that she can be effective even when placed in a series of poorly writ-ten space operas that ruined the childhoods of millions born be-tween 1972 and 1989. Chris Hemsworth is blue eyed and blond enough for the part. The rest are just filler.

A movie about Thor will unfortunately suf-fer in the same way

any film about Superman will. When dealing with a character so immensely powerful, suspense is difficult to create. Thor and Superman are never in any real danger. This film tries to deal with this by taking away Thor’s powers, but like Superman II, the effect doesn’t really work well. Even when Thor takes a pounding, he doesn’t seem to notice very much. However, Thor managed to succeed in a way that the Superman fran-chise never has. Namely, Thor gets to throw a few punches. All Superman has managed to do is stand around being in-vincible. While the suspense isn’t there, at least it’s fun to watch.

Summer movie season has officially started. We are in for a few more comic book movies, some remakes, and a couple of reboots. This isn’t my favorite time of the year in terms of movies, but if the rest of the summer is at least as entertain-ing as Thor, the summer of 2011 looks to be tolerable.

Film FeatureSCREEN

If He Had a HammerBy John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

“The filmmakers managed to create an engaging experience, one with enough wit and charm to overcome the relative absurdity of the back story.”

ThorStarring Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman Directed by Kenneth BranaghRated PG-13Length: 1 hour, 54 minutes


New Movie ReviewsSCREEN

The Power of Pink Taffeta Invades The MultiplexBridesmaids Picked as her best friend’s maid of honor, lovelorn and broke Annie looks to bluff her way through the expensive and bizarre rituals with an oddball group of bridesmaids. What Judd Apatow did with humanizing a 40-year-old virgin, director Paul Feig is doing for the feminine side of pre-nuptial festivities. And considering that Apatow produced the film, his raunchy yet often spot-on touch for the realities of modern twenty-somethings ritu-als and behaviors comes through in this distaff version of The Hangover. What is more inter-esting is that in the era of all-testosterone-all-the-time Hollywood flicks (just look at recent box-office numbers), a film starring a group of talented and not-yet-A-list women is a very welcome addition to the box-office selection. The delightfully talented Kristen Wiig finally gets a chance to show studio ex-ecutives that talent is often more important than exploding cars and comic-book hammers. Stars: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne Director: Paul Feig

Everything Must Go After Nick Halsey loses his job, the rest of his life begins to crumble as his wife leaves him and he starts drinking again. Oddly enough, selling his worldly possessions on his front lawn with the help of two neighbors might be the key to his preservation. Will Ferrell has become a very wealthy man by starring in a long series of brain-dead movies, some quite successful and some not-so. Still, as he proved in the excellent and sadly overlooked Stranger Than Fiction, he is quite capable working within a character-driven indie film. Based on a Raymond Carver short story, the film is helmed by promising first-time writer-director Dan Rush, getting a chance to show the studios what he is capable of. In fact, this film may end up being less about Ferrell and more and Rush, which is not necessarily a bad thing. As long as Rush isn’t tapped to make a sequel to Land of the Lost.Stars: Will Ferrell, Rebecca Hall, Christopher Jordan Wallace Director: Dan Rush

Priest A priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece. Director Scott Stewart re-teams with his Legion star, Paul Bettany, for another doom-and-gloom horror flick, this one (to no surprise in today’s film world) based on a popular graphic novel. One begins to wonder if the more effective way to break into Hollywood screenwriting is noth through sending in scripts but penning a graphic novel. Bettany has the proper inten-sity and screen presence to pull off the titular character, but one has to wonder if he’s get-ting tired of genre action/horror movies and wishes a return to the costume dramas that first put him on the Hollywood map. Yet, considering the somewhat surprising success of Legion and the likely strong box office draw of Priest (hey, not everyone is going to go see Bridesmaids), it appears that Stewart and Bettany may be working together for years to come. Stars: Paul Bettany, Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q Director: Scott Charles Stewart


The Roots of Rootbeer Liqueur, Redux

Riley's Spirits WithinWINE & SPIRITS

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits

Back again, because this one deserves a rerun…

Remember last week when we learned that flavored vodka was a new phenomenon? Well, the same can’t be said for liqueurs, which for centuries have been known as the original flavored alcoholic beverages. What’s your fancy? Hey, believe me, anything goes: cherry, orange, apple, pear, banana, blackber-ry, black cherry–and now even rootbeer! Yes, that’s right, and it’s perfect for shots and mixed drinks, and even better, it’s this week’s “Great Buy”. Great Buys are included in my weekly col-umn, brought to you by Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson (Chattanooga’s fa-vorite place to shop for adult beverages), in which we pick some-thing special from a large selection of wine and spirits from around the globe, then share it with Chat-tanooga’s readership of The Pulse. This week’s selection is Black Maker Rootbeer Liqueur.

Alcoholic beverages known as li-queurs have been around for cen-turies, and were once used as medicines by the healers known as apothecaries during Roman times. During the Middle Ages, liqueurs were toasted as a symbol of peace. Liqueurs are made by the infusion of such key ingredients as flowers, herbs, fruits and spices into water and/or alcohol along with the key ingredient of sugar. This separates liqueurs from spirits, which have no added sugar whether flavored or not. Once all of these ingredients are combined together, they are aged for a short period of time.

Along with apothecaries, “Black Makers” were medicine men who lived like hermits in the hills and for-ests of the White Mountains, a scenic mountain range located in the Alas-

kan Yukon Territory, which stands some 3,100 feet sandwiched be-tween Beaver and Preacher Creeks. Prospectors, looking for gold, gave the mountain this name because of its abundance of white limestone. Black Makers were somewhat elder-ly, self-taught herbalists not known for their social graces, but more so for their healing concoctions sold in nearby village general stores.

Black Maker Rootbeer Liqueur is made much like those ancient reci-pes of yore, with a clear neutral spir-it for starters, which is then infused with wintergreen, nutmeg, cinna-mon, clove, ginger, anise, sweet birch, and of course, sugar. Once infused, it sits while all the ingredi-ents marry together. After all, the Latin word for liqueur is “liqui fac-ere,” which means “to liquefy”. The results are, dare I say, spectacular, just like rootbeer candy on the taste buds, followed by a creamy cola-like aftertaste with little or no burn or bite. This liqueur is 70 proof.

Try it today for whatever ails you at Riley’s: regular price $21.99—Riley’s price $16.99 plus tax. Cheers!


Free Will AstrologyENTERTAINMENT

Solution To Last Week's Crossword

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “If you wish to bake an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the uni-verse,” said astronomer Carl Sagan in his book Cos-mos. In other words, the pie can’t exist until there’s a star orbited by a habitable planet that has spawned intelligent creatures and apples. A lot of preliminar-ies have to be in place. Keep that in mind, Taurus, as you start out down the long and winding path toward manifesting your own personal equivalent of the iconic apple pie. In a sense, you will have to create an entire world to serve as the womb for your brain-child. To aid you in your intricate quest, make sure to keep a glowing vision of the prize always burning in the sacred temple of your imagination.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I’ll quote Wikipedia: “Dawn should not be confused with sunrise, which is the moment when the leading edge of the sun itself appears above the horizon.” In other words, dawn comes before the sun has actually showed itself. It’s a ghostly foreshadowing—a pale light appearing out of nowhere to tinge the blackness. Where you are right now, Gemini, is comparable to the last hour before the sunrise. When the pale light first appears, don’t mistake it for the sun and take premature ac-tion. Wait until you can actually see the golden rim rising.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): When some read-ers write to me, they address me as “Mr. Brezsny.” It reminds me of what happens when a check-out clerk at Whole Foods calls me “sir”: I feel as if I’ve been hit in the face with a cream pie—like someone is bashing my breezy, casual self-image with an un-welcome blast of dignity and decorum. So let’s get this straight, people: I am not a mister and I am not a sir. Never was, never will be. Now as for your chal-lenges in the coming week, Cancerian: I expect that you, too, may feel pressure to be overly respectable, uncomfortably formal, excessively polite, and in too much control. That would be pushing you in a direc-tion opposite to the one I think you should go.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): At one point in the story Alice in Wonderland, a large talking bird known as the Dodo organizes a race with unusual rules. There is no single course that all the runners must follow. Rath-er, everybody scampers around wherever he or she wants, and decides when to begin and when to end. When the “race” is all over, of course, it’s impossible to sort out who has performed best, so the Dodo de-clares everyone to be the winner. I encourage you to organize and participate in activities like that in the coming weeks, Leo. It’s an excellent time to drum up playful victories and easy successes not only for yourself, but for everyone else, too.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In his book The Rough Guide to Climate Change, Bob Henson talks about the “five places to go before global warming messes them up.” One such beautiful spot is Colorado’s Rocky Mountain National Park. Vast swatches of its trees are being ravaged by hordes of pine beetles, whose populations used to be kept under control by frigid winters before the climate began to change. Australia’s Great Barrier Reef and Switzerland’s Al-pine glaciers are among the other natural beauties that are rapidly changing form. I suggest that you apply this line of thought to icons with a more per-sonal meaning, Virgo. Nothing stays the same for-ever, and it’s an apt time in your astrological cycle to get all you can out of useful and wonderful resources that are in the midst of transformation.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): There’s not a whole lot of funny stuff reported in the Bible, but one notable

case occurred when God told Abraham that he and his wife Sarah would finally be able to conceive their first child. This made Abraham laugh out loud, since he was 99 years old at the time and Sarah was 90. It may have been a while since God has delivered any humorous messages to you, Libra, but my sense is that She’s gearing up for such a transmission even as we speak. To receive this cosmic jest in the right spirit, make sure you’re not taking yourself too damn seriously.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): No one in history has ever drunk the entire contents of a regulation-size ketchup bottle in less than 39 seconds. So says the Guinness Book of World Records. However, I believe it’s possible that a Scorpio daredevil will soon break this record. Right now your tribe has an almost supernaturally enormous power to rapidly extract the essence of anything you set your mind to extracting. You’ve got the instincts of a vacuum cleaner. You’re an expert at tapping into the source and siphoning off exactly what you need. You know how to suck—in the best sense of that word—and you’re not shy about sucking.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “I’m not super-stitious,” said Michael Scott, the former boss in the TV show The Office. “I’m just a little stitious.” From my perspective, Sagittarius, you shouldn’t indulge yourself in being even a little stitious in the coming weeks. You have a prime opportunity to free your-self from the grip of at least some of your irrational fears, unfounded theories, and compulsive fetishes. I’m not saying that you suffer from more of these delusions than any of the rest of us. It’s just that you now have more power than the rest of us to break away from their spell.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In Plato’s Repub-lic, Socrates speaks derisively about people who are eu a-mousoi, an ancient Greek term that literally means “happily without muses.” These are the plod-ding materialists who have no hunger for inspiration and no need of spiritual intelligence. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Capricorn, you can’t afford to be eu a-mousoi in the coming weeks. Mundane satisfactions won’t be nearly enough to feed your head and heart. To even wake up and get out of bed each morning, you’ve got to be on fire with a shimmering dream or a beautiful prospect.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In his Book of Imagi-nary Beings, Argentinian writer Jorge Luis Borges reports the following: “Chang Tzu tells us of a perse-vering man who after three laborious years mastered the art of dragon-slaying. For the rest of his days, he had not a single opportunity to test his skills.” I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because my read-ing of the astrological omens suggests that you, too, may be in training to fight a beast that does not exist. Luckily, you’re also in an excellent position to realize that fact, quit the unnecessary quest, and redirect your martial energy into a more worthy endeavor.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The 16th-century Eng-lish writer John Heywood was a prolific creator of epigrams. I know of at least 20 of his proverbs that are still invoked, including “Haste makes waste,” “Out of sight, out of mind,” “Look before you leap,” “Beggars shouldn’t be choosers,” “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and “Do you want to both eat your cake and have it, too?” I bring this up, Aries, because I suspect you’re in a Heywoodian phase of your long-term cycle. In the coming weeks, you’re likely to un-earth a wealth of pithy insights and guiding principles that will serve you well into the future.


Jonesin' Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0519.

Jonesin' Crossword — "Dance Party"ENTERTAINMENT

Across1 Fireplace grate left-overs6 “___ Head” (Freud work about mythology)13 ‘60s adjective14 They make Chevys shine16 Brings out a smile in17 More hardened18 Getting to home plate while listening to Ravel?20 Like some tacos21 Request, as a ciga-rette22 Dropped watermelon sounds23 Female precursor to vampires24 Part of QED26 Transgress27 Spurts of energy28 Do a new format on a paragraph30 La Quebrada’s home

32 Take down34 Excuses37 Skip a walk through the rain, perhaps39 “Tiny Bubbles” crooner41 Hit the town44 Yoga practice need46 Word after greater or lesser47 For two, to the French48 Stern milieu50 Where: Lat.51 Remove one’s hat52 The gray area be-tween getting a fashion magazine or not?54 The writing on the wall56 Stick around57 Pens in58 English soccer great Wayne59 Ignore, as faults60 Ed of “Up”

Down1 Protected, like a Round Table knight2 Kindred spirit3 It may have its kinks4 Tinker-Chance link5 Some admins6 Ian who’s Blackbeard in a 2011 movie7 Bother persistently8 Bit of coffee sediment9 Lambasted director Boll10 Automated servant for dispensing dip?11 Self-evident logical statements12 Deem appropriate13 Talkative sort15 Madrid misses, for short19 Oscar the Grouch’s pet worm23 Crystal clear25 Switching around

faucets in a restroom?27 “The Family Circus” cartoonist Keane29 Injectable firmer31 Olivia Newton-John film with a few Top 40 hits33 Sucker35 Not nice to animals36 More in need of a makeover38 Amy Lowell or James Joyce40 Like some potato salad41 Cop’s credential42 Decks out43 Do some cabinet work45 ___ del Fuego48 Learning methods49 Spread options52 Discover alternative53 “___ my lunch break”55 Dandified dude


Dear Mexican, I can’t help thinking of Mexico as a Tea Party paradise. Mexi-

can taxes are very low. There are few regulations, and environ-mentalists, socialists, and liberals are few and far between. There is no Obamacare, and Mexico is the home of Carlos Slim, the world’s richest man, a tribute to Mexican crony capitalism. Ap-parently, carrying guns and using them is no problem, regardless of the laws, and there is that priceless opportunity of shooting a “bad” guy. Certainly, Mexico would benefit from an infusion of our Tea Party “patriots”! Perhaps Mexico could send a delega-tion of some of the babes from Estrella TV to a Tea Party con-vention to convince the Tea Party that Mexico is its true home? — Pan Blanco de Rio Rancho

Why is it that right-wing Republicans are trying their damned hardest to turn America into Mexico when they press for laws that make the rich richer, remove regulations and turn out the poor onto the streets to fend for themselves and die? They are jealous of the wealthy Mexican oligarchs that run that country with no concern for the poor. They would love it if they could torture anyone who disagreed with them, asked to spend their taxes on lazy unemployed folks or any other “socialism,” all in the name of Jesus Christ. — Koch Blocker

Dear Gabachos,Dual Tea Party-esque interpretations of Mexico—LOVE

IT. Both legit, by the way. Pan: Damn straight Mexico is a libertarian paradise, and that portions of the country are government-free, ruled by those who have bullets and mon-ey. Koch: damn straight the GOP establishment wants to turn the United States into Mexico at its worst, a Darwinian wasteland where money rules above all and the government governs solely for the rich. The missing analysis for both of you, however, are the Mexicans themselves: we belong to the Tequila Party.

Dear Mexican,I’m Mexican and very proud of it! I came to the United States

20 years ago, and the first thing besides getting a job and work-ing very hard was enrolling in GED classes. One of the things that makes me mad is that some people in the same situation as mine don’t want to learn English and get better opportunities. Are they huevones or what? I got my education in Mexico and I also went to college here. I am sick and tired of the stereotypes people gives to Mexicans, that we are all cholos and cochinos. I love my culture but la neta, some people de a tiro la chinga…no quieren progresar. ¡Qué se pongan en acción!

Learn English! It’s better to be bilingual que nada. ¡Apantallen a los gringos que nada más saben un idioma!— Baja’s Chick

Dear Chica, I agree 100 porciento, but don’t be so harsh on your paisa-

nos. Immigrants throughout this nation’s history have learned English, but not all of them, and always to their detriment—and they know this. A 2007 Pew Hispanic Center report found 71 percent of Mexican immigrants surveyed reported they spoke little to no English, the largest proportion of all Latino groups in this country. Sounds like a bola of dum-mies, but they ain’t—a 2006 Pew study found 96 percent of Latino immigrants felt it was important to teach English to their children, a ratio even higher than what gabachos felt. Even more telling, only 2 percent of those immigrants felt it wasn’t important for their niños to learn inglés; meanwhile, a disturbing 27 percent of non-Latinos think Mexi kids don’t have to learn the language, the better to keep raza down.

Mexico—A Tea Party Paradise?Ask A Mexican, By Gustavo ArellanoOPINION

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video ques-tion at www.youtube.com/askamexicano!

The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 19

Documents

Transcript of The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 19