The Pulse 10.10 » March 7-13, 2013

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March 7, 2013 Vol. 10 • No. 10

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

TheBalladofCadillac

Dave

Theof

CadillacDave

fear & Loathing in Chattanoogaa Saga of Journalism, Drugs & redemption

By Rich Bailey

The Bowl • Talk of The Noog• Chad’s Records moves in with Winder Binder• Sheriff Jim: Black President, White Insecurity• The Great Wine, Whiskey & Beer Rebellion of 2013

DIZZYTowN Memorial Auditorium:Venue or Monument?oN The BeaT Excessive ForcelIfe IN The NoogHealthy? Pay Up

2 • The Pulse • march 7-13, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

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When a fire broke out on the morning of Feb. 21, destroying Toast Cafe on Vine Street, next-door neighbor Chad’s Records also felt the burn. While firefight-ers saved Chad’s from the flames, smoke and water damaged forced the record store to close, lest its large collection of valuable vinyl find itself warped and rendered unsalable.

Closed indefinitely (like Toast itself), owner Chad Bledsoe might have remained out of busi-ness were it not for an offer from his cousin, David Smotherman, owner of Winder Binder Gallery & Bookstore on Frazier Avenue.

Smotherman suggested Chad move his business and inventory into the store and Bledsoe quickly accepted.

“Were cousins, so it made sense to work together to get him back open and over here on the North Shore,” Smotherman said. “I have always wanted vinyl in the gal-lery, but never wanted to compete against a family member, so this ended up being a great ending to what could have been a bad story.”

Smotherman said he’s moving things around to make space for the collection.

“We’ll start off slowly with about 500 square feet, then slow-ly add more with demand,” he said. “Chad had about 900 square feet on Vine Street and we’ll try to have him up to that by the sum-mer,”

Winder Binder will end up with a slightly smaller “living

room” area and less room in the tin toy section, Smotherman said, but added he’s excited about the union and the addition of Chad and his vinyl to his shop.

Bledsoe’s stock begins arriving this weekend, just in time for Art Til Dark Opening Weekend on Saturday, March 9. Stop by, shop, welcome Chad to Winder Binder, say “hey” to Dave and celebrate all things local—cool art, books and records.

—Bill Ramsey

WeATheRVANe

Sheriff Jim relays fears, ‘insecurity’over Obama

On the same day last week that news broke in the Times Free Press that Chattanooga police of-ficers had brutally beaten a sus-pect—fracturing his legs to the point that a bone jutted from one in a graphic example of excessive force—Sheriff Jim Hammond’s face appeared above the fold of last Thursday’s paper under a headline that asserted that inse-curity-driven gun sales were re-lated to fears over our first black president.

Hammond said that fear is not his own, but that he was simply relaying what he had heard from citizens when he told the TFP that insecurity was the result of “Mostly fear, mostly fear and un-certainty. Part of it is [the] first black president. I mean, we all see that. We may dance around it, but a lot of people are fearful of, ‘Ah, this is going to ruin our coun-try.’” Yes, of course, that’s it.

The sheriff then appeared before County Commissioners to explain (read: revise) his re-marks, telling that body, “What you see in those headlines was not Sheriff Jim Hammond. It was editorial staff taking words and making their own headlines.”

Not quite, sheriff. Commis-sioner Greg Beck was quoted in the TFP last Friday saying Hammond did not portray the conversation accurately, adding “He [Hammond] is saying what a lot of people are saying, but he shouldn’t be the one saying it. I caution all elected officials not to fuel that kind of tension and re-sentment.”

Beck later said in the same sto-ry that he did not believe it war-ranted a headline or prominent placement in the paper. But that is not for Beck to decide. While an open hostility toward the presi-dent does indeed exist—and that is scary in itself—to suggest that people here are living in fear of crime because of the president’s race is absurd (which Beck also noted).

Heidi Beirich, director of the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Intelligence Project, told the TFP that, “Whites will become the mi-norities in the 2040s, according to the U.S. Census. That’s caus-ing anxiety amongst some folks.” Pair that with the unspoken fears of many in the so-called New South that the long, white reign is nearing its inevitable end and you easily find the recipe for such anxiety. But that doesn’t make it rational or reasonable.

Landing on a day when CBS’s “This Morning” glowingly re-ported on the city’s super-fast, gigabit Internet speeds and refer-ring to Chattanooga’s “inspiring” rebirth, these stories provide a hefty, dark counterweight to the Good News feed that hovers over Chattanooga in the national me-dia.

If this is the Old South rising again, we wanted no part of it then and certainly do not now.

—B.R.

AlKyhOl

The Great Wine, Whiskey & Beer Rebellion of 2013

A triad of alcohol-related issues foamed to a head last week in booze-soaked-and-cloaked Chat-tanooga that could be woven into a reality show dubbed “The Great Chattanooga Wine, Whiskey & Beer Rebellion.”

The State Legislature was once again confronted with the wine-in-grocery-stores bill, a first-time review of a local initiative to allow a whiskey distillery to take root here and a statewide campaign to reform 1950’s-era beer tax policy that is the root cause of Tennes-see’s dubious rank as the nation’s highest beer-tax state. That’s a lot of roots.

The long battle in the fight to allow wine in grocery stores fi-nally achieved a moment of vic-tory, passing a crucial State Sen-ate committee on its way to the House and full Senate for review and vote. Concessions in the new bill offer a cherry to liquor store owners, allowing them to operate more than one store and also sell mass-produced beer such as Bud Light and other brands, along with mixers, corkscrews and re-lated products banned from sale in their stores. The new bill also allows each county and city to vote on whether to allow sales of wine in grocery stores. Progress.

An initiative approved by a ma-jority of Hamilton County Com-missioners last year that would lift the ban on distilleries here spearheaded by Chattanooga Whiskey also landed in the Capi-tol where it was met with delay after an entanglement involv-ing distilleries in Gatlinburg. But the local initiative, which would allow cities in Hamilton County in which voters have ap-proved liquor-by-the-drink and local package referendums to OK whiskey distilleries, should arrive without further opposition. Prog-ress.

On Friday, supporters of a statewide campaign to reform Tennessee’s beer-tax policy gath-ered for a rally at Mellow Mush-room on Broad Street downtown. On hand were the bill’s sponsor, State Rep. Cameron Sexton (R-Crossville), Chattanooga area beer distributors, brewers and lo-cal beer enthusiasts.

The Beer Tax Reform Act of 2013, filed on Jan. 29 by Sexton and State Sen. Kelsey (R-Ger-mantown), proposes to modern-ize Tennessee’s beer tax with a simple modification: It would calculate wholesale tax on vol-ume rather than price and solve Tennessee’s odd (and nationally unparalleled) tax policy that cur-rently results in the beer tax rate

TAlK OF The NOOGNeWs COMMeNTARy • BulleTINs& Push NOTIFICATIONs AT DIAl-uP sPeeDFacEbOOK/chattanoogapulse • TWITTEr @chattapulseEmaIL loVe letteRs, aDVIce & tRash talK to [email protected]

THEBOWLNORTh shORe

Chad’s Records moving in withWinder Binder


Corporate names would added in front of the names of the venues in print and promotional materi-als, but not attached to the actual buildings, as we understand the plan.

Billed and promoted as a public meeting to discuss the future of the venues, the affair was mostly an opportunity for veterans to reminisce and crazily suggest that selling or leasing the Auditorium would be akin to the U.S. Govern-ment selling the Vietnam Veterans War Memorial. As City Council members droned on about the two theaters existing as city-owned community jewels that were never intended to turn a profit, Crutch-field told WDEF-TV that selling naming rights might just cure all that ails the twin, taxpayer-sup-ported venues, which can drain city coffers to the tune of as much as $1 million a year.

Nice idea, but the braintrust never attempted to address the elephant in the room—that the Auditorium and Tivoli are poorly managed and booked; that cash-only bars and broken ATM ma-chines hamper modern patrons’ convenience; that alcohol needs to be allowed inside both; and that parking can be nightmare around each. Now that elephant is about to squat on Crutchfield’s desk. Her fans cry foul at criticism, but the stakes are high.

Playing the Veteran Card is a smokescreen. Nobody—nobody—is refusing to acknowledge the sacrifices made by veterans in service to our country; to suggest that selling or leasing a build-ing dedicated in their honor is a blasphemous slap in the face is preposterous. Indeed, what cheek

would be slapped were the Audi-torium be renamed the Rick Davis Gold & Diamonds Soldiers & Sail-ors Memorial Auditorium (as Bill Colrus joked on Nooga.com)?

City Councilman Jack Benson conveniently absolved himself from the argument, citing politics surrounding the support of the sale or lease of the two venues by candidates for council, then made odd metaphors about art making the city’s other aging structures look pretty simply by existing—adding that we need a few, but not too many. WTF?

The bottom line is the EAC’s

“Founding Administrator,” as Crutchfield refers to herself, and the city are each culpable in this easily fixable mess. The Audito-rium and Tivoli are indeed grand, historic buildings—but they are also the city’s only two non-com-mercial concert and arts venues capable of hosting crowds of more than 1,000 people, and many more in the Auditorium’s case. In this context, they are both ven-ues and monuments—to the arts. Leasing them to a professional management agency would im-prove both, bring the city valuable revenue and give the people what they so desperately desire.

Patrons also clearly want to en-joy a drink in their seats. Drop-ping the silly ban on alcohol with-in both venues is just a late 20th-century thing to do and is also simple common sense. A simple cleaning fee added to each ticket would assure maintenance and upkeep. Why is this so hard?

In what could be viewed as a last-ditch effort to save her job and prove she is actually attempting to rescue the Memo-rial Auditorium (and the Tivoli Theatre, to a lesser extent)

from a sea of red ink, Education, Arts & Culture Department Administrator Missy Crutchfield recently rolled out a herd of patriots to burnish her brainchild of offering for sale naming rights to the twin venues to “appropriate” corporate businesses that aren’t really naming rights at all.

Venue or Monument?Dizzy Town

POlITICs, The MeDIA & OTheR sTRANGe BeDFellOWs

rising exponentially higher every year.

In 2008, according to pro-ponents, Tennessee caught and passed Alaska as the top state taxer of beer. By 2012, Tennes-see had increased that lead by 12 points and, if the state keeps rising at the current average an-nual price increase of $1.15, in five years the average tax rate will be $42.75 per barrel—29 percent higher than Alaska.

The statewide “Fix the Beer Tax” campaign launched Jan. 30 in Nashville and has since ral-lied in Memphis, Knoxville and Johnson City, resulting each time in an explosion of social media in support of reform, as it did here.

All three of these efforts are playing a role in dismantling Tennessee’s archaic liquor laws. If any of these bills are passed, Ten-nessee will take a leap forward into the late 20th century and Chattanoogans will benefit.

—B.R.

suGAR, suGAR

Frat Daddies hot for Greeks, not freaks at UTC

In January, we covered the ris-ing popularity of Sugar Babies, most notably in the burst of en-rollment from UTC students. Now seekingarrangement.com, the hookup site behind the Sugar Baby/Daddy connection, has re-leased data revealing the popu-larity of Sugar relationships in so-rorities and fraternities. The new study polled 9,000 members and determined 1-in-3 Sugar Babies claim sorority affiliation, while 1-in-2 Sugar Daddies claim fra-ternity affiliation.

A list detailing the fraternities and sororities most likely to be nests for Sugar Babies or Sugar Daddies included many Greek organizations at our beloved in-stitution of higher learning. Six of UTC’s fraternities made the list: Alpha Phi Alpha, Sigma Chi, Phi Delta Theta, Pi Kappa Alpha, Kappa Sigma and Lambda Chi Alpha. Four UTC Panhellenic so-rorities made the list as well, in-cluding Delta Zeta, Chi Omega, Alpha Delta Pi and Kappa Delta. This list was not specific to UTC

and does not mean Greek life (or the campus in general) is filled with Sugar.

“Women in sororities are taught early on that it isn’t just what you know, but who you know,” said Brandon Wade, CEO of Seeking Arrangement. “The Sugar Baby lifestyle exposes you to all the right people, in the same way a sorority does.”

Wade also weighed in on for-mer frat boys living the sweet life saying, “Fraternities began as secret societies for affluent and well-connected men. It’s only natural that they would convert into the Sugar Daddy-ism.”

After researching Sugar Daddies in Chattanooga, a few especially notable characters popped up. Unfortunately, their fraternity affiliations are un-known, but odds are they were once members. One user, “Nash-gent,” states his net worth is up to $10 million, yet his monthly bud-get for Sugar is between $1,000 and $3,000. Obviously he never learned to put some of his income into a “just-for-fun” fund.

“Todd,” 35, from Chattanooga, sports a picture of himself next to the 007 “Skyfall” promo standup at the movie theater. He actually does favor Daniel Craig, however it’s a little pretentious to assume you’re the original Sugar Daddy to ambitious young super-spies.

But the top local Sugar Dad-dy I found was “tnsxyguy.” The name alone elicits mystery and intelligence. His net worth is be-tween $2 and $5 million and his budget is negotiable. This Daddy has a picture of himself next to the Playboy Mansion “tours start here” sign, a snapshot with two half-dressed (and likely intoxicat-ed twentysomethings) on a boat and—best of all—photos of what I imagine to be his front porch, garden and hot tub. A great fit for a sorority girl to fulfill her “Bach-elor” fantasies without going on national television.

After all, when you’re planning to buy some Sugar, you might as well spend big or stay home.

—Julia Sharp

• Got a tip for The Bowl? Send your Talk of the Noog, tips, love letters, advice and trash talk to: [email protected]. Letters and feed-back are always welecome!


The cartoon depicts a police officer in a shooting stance with four people gathered be-hind him.

The first person behind the officer says “There’s a bad guy, officer! Do something!”

The second adds, “But don’t do it too soon, or too late!”

The third adds, “And not in disproportionate numbers!”

And the fourth finally adds, “And remember, whatever you do, you could always be our scapegoat.”

It’s captioned “The training they don’t give at the police academy,” and it’s one of the most succinct encapsulations

of high-stress cop-decisions I’ve ever seen.

Last week, a graphic video of local police using force to affect an arrest was released prompting discord from every corner of the city, from citizens to administrators. The video recorded events that prompt-

ed the police chief to fire the officers question, brought in the FBI to assess the ac-tion for civil-rights violations and present their findings to a grand jury to determine if criminal charges should be brought forth. (In other words, it prompted the chief to cover every base. That’s not a knock on him; that’s his job.)

Sounds pretty cut and dried, right? Well, the officers are suing to get their jobs back, there’s been no word from the FBI, and the grand jury failed to indict them and found no evidence to bring criminal charges against these officers after reviewing the video in its entirety (an act usually omit-ted by the critics of such vid-eos).

To add to the confusion, the defendants’ attorney ini-tially stated the “victim” was armed only with an MP3 play-er (which he claimed he had sworn testimony prove this), but the video showed a knife that was eventually dropped and hidden by a fellow Bureau of Prisons resident at the facil-ity where this took place, and that the defendant who admit-ted to having just consumed cocaine refused more than 80 documented orders to stop, lie down on his face and put his hands behind his back.

The conclusion of two ob-servers? That this clearly in-dicates a white supremacist social order and racism within the police department and that this department should be disarmed in order to re-duce acts of violence against the public (which I found were strangely specific conclusions given the broad nature of the use of force).

The conclusion of a third observer? That this guy should probably have just lain the #%*@ down and put his hands behind his back. (I don’t believe I have to say anything here.)

Yet sadly, a fourth observer may as well have suggested we all order an ice cream cone and place it on our heads like a hat, because apparently that sug-gestion would have as much relevance to some as others.

The point I’m trying to make here is not a judgment call of support or shock for the offi-cers involved, or even for the coked-up felon, who earned himself a rapid admission to a trauma center as a result of the initial attack he commit-ted that instigated the police response and his refusal to cooperate after the arrival he effectively insisted upon.

My point is that you don’t al-ways have to “lose” to lose. You just have to show up.

It’s a frustrating job, one in which the only benefits are a shitload of free coffee and a pension check after 25 years. But anyone of those calls dur-ing that period can have a life-altering, if not devastating ef-fect on the officer or officers, and you never know when that’s going to occur. And even if you live through it and keep your job post-incident, who’s to say it won’t have mental ripple effects on both yourself and those around you? You shot the bad guy, but the bul-let went through him or her and then into an innocent kid down the road. He pointed a gun at you … but it turned out to be a toy.

There are probably a thou-sand variants of these events played out in real life by thou-sands of cops over the years, but what do you do? Not work? Work in perpetual fear?

It’s a great job. No, serious-ly—but some need to realize that perfection can’t be de-manded any more effectively than respect can, and that a cigar really is just a cigar on occasion.

The difference between re-tirement and termination? Just one call, just one traffic stop.

No pressure, folks.

David Horsey is a two-time Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist whose art currently adorns my Facebook page (address noted below, eager

fans and haters).

Excessive ForceOn the Beat Alex TeACh

• Alex Teach is a police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alex.teach.

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pulse »PICKs

THU03.07

MusIC

scenic City Roots• catch st. paul & the Broken Bones (above), JohnnYsWIm, the steeldrivers and chattanooga’s Wtm Blues Band live at the inaugural program, broadcast live on hippie Radio 106.9 and filmed for re-broadcast on WtcI-tV. Just $10, $5 for students with ID.7 p.m. • Track 29 • 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 • track29.co

exhIBIT

“Fire & salt”• new salt-glazed stoneware by Roger harvey will be featured in this exhibit during march.11 a.m.-6 p.m. • In-Town Gallery26A Frazier Ave. • (423) 267-9214 intowngallery.com

• For the second consecutive week, some of chattanooga’s top bands congregate on the stage of Rhythm & Brews for two nights of shows that offer great value and showcase some of the city’s best musical talent.

Following last week’s first and second rounds of the Road to nightfall, this week offers up the final rounds in which 12 bands compete for a coveted nightfall headlining spot this summer. a local committee of music experts chose the bands, but audiences determine the winners. next Friday, the finals commence and a winner will be chosen in a musical death match, this time determined by judges.

While the competition is more showcase than battle of the bands—at least that’s the intent—this annual local music blowout is the bargain

of a fortnight, as British committee member and pulse music writer Richard Winham might say. Winham offers his Round 3 and 4 primer and odds on page 10.

Regardless of who wins, all the bands—and local live music fans— benefit from this event. go forth, rock the vote and celebrate live and local music in chattanooga.

McKay’s Road to Nightfall:Rounds 3 & 4$7 • 8 p.m. Friday & saturday, march 8 & 9Rhythm & Brews • 221 market st.rhythm-brews.com

THELIST• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.

FRI03.08MusIC

Road to Nightfall, Part II• local bands vie for a headline spot and cash as the competition continues tonight and saturday.8 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews • 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

TheATRe

“The Foreigner”• closed Door entertainment presents the first production in the newly rennovated community theatre inside the memorial auditorium. 7:30 p.m. • Community Theatre Memorial Auditorium • 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 642-TIXS • chattanoogaonstage.com

SAT03.09MusIC

Get The led Out• Billed as “america’s led Zeppelin,” gtlo presents a two-hour set that spans the career of the legendary British supergroup. more on this show in chattanooga live on page 10.8 p.m. • Track 29 • 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 • track29.co

PICK OF The lITTeR »the RoaD to nIghtFall, paRt II

Rock theVote12 Chattanooga bands, 1 stage, 2 nights

MusIC eVeNT

Great southern Old Time Fiddlers’ Convention• Fiddlers fiddle around around all day in perfomances and contests at the fourth annual “convention” of southern fiddlers in a revival of all that is good about old-time music. great music celebrating a regional music hallmark.Noon-8 p.m. • Lindsay Street Hall, 906 Lindsay St. • (423) 755-9111 oldchattanooga.com

ABOVe ashley hicks of ashley & The X’s, one of 12 bands compet-ing this weekend during the Road to nightfall at Rhythm & Brews.


According to their website, along with The Earl Scruggs Revue, New Grass Revival, Hot Rise, Nickel Creek and Leftover Salmon, The Infamous String-dusters are part of blue-grass’s ever-evolving “transgressive tradi-tion.” Transgression, it seems, is woven into the fabric of the music. Ever since a very nervous Elvis Pres-ley told Bill Monroe he’d had the temerity to turn Monroe’s “Blue Moon of Kentucky” from a gen-tly swaying waltz to a hopped-up rocker in 4/4 time, musicians have been messin’ with the music. Monroe reportedly was all for it. After listening to Presley’s take on his song, he began playing it

the same way.The Stringdusters aren’t per-

formers; they’re players. Dobro player Andy Hall and the fleet-fingered banjo picker, Chris

Pandolfi, were both schooled at Boston’s Berklee College of Mu-sic. After leaving school in 2005, they moved to Nashville where they

met fiddler Jeremy Garrett and mandolin player Jesse Cobb. They found bassist Travis Book through an audition. The other original member was guitarist Chris Eldridge, who’d been with Hall and Pandolfi at Berklee and was the reason they moved to Nashville. He left soon after the release of their first album

in 2007. That’s when Andy Fal-co joined the band. He’s still the “newest” member.

One reason the band’s lineup has been so stable is because they are all players and they’re hav-ing a blast. “I think the beauty of what’s going on here is that the hard part is over,” Pandolfi said. “I think we all have the univer-sal feeling that we will never find a playing situation that will be anything like this, even close to as satisfactory. And the beautiful thing is that when we came to-gether it was a musical attraction. We’re five very different guys in the band, but there’s just such camaraderie, and that, above all else, is the thing that makes the music.”

Falco echoed those sentiments, saying more than once dur-

ing our conversation that he felt “lucky” to be a part of the band. He is. Most musicians would give a year’s pay to be playing in a band with such a democratic and freewheeling approach to music making. Pandolfi usually writes the set list, but everybody in the band has an opportunity to add or subtract songs.

“Somebody might say, ‘Hey, you remember that bluegrass tune? Let’s do that tonight,’” Falco said. “Oh yeah, that’d be fun, let’s do that,” is apparently a typical re-sponse.

That same let’s-just-have-some-fun attitude carries over into their life offstage. While we were talking, Falco’s bandmates were all out skiing in Park City, Utah, a stop on their February ski tour. “We love doing outdoor

stuff,” Falco said, who would have been with them but for a knee injury sustained ski-ing a couple of years ago.

“We love skiing, we love cycling, we love mountain biking, we love all these things,” he added. “We don’t go out on tour and eat fast food and sleep as late as we can. We want to go out on tour and play music, but we also want to do all the other things we love; and the peo-ple who come to our shows are just like us. They love the out-doors. I honestly feel when I look out at the people who’ve come to our shows that

they’re people I could be friends with.”

They call their music “high country.” It’s acoustic music but it has the energy and intensity of rock as played by a group of friends energized equally by the music and the life it allows them to lead.

The Infamous stringdusterswith old time travelers$15/$178 p.m. • Friday, march 8track 29 • 1400 market st.(423) 521-2929track29.co

High CountryMusic & LifeBy Richard winham

Despite winning the International Bluegrass Associa-tion’s 2007 Album of the Year, Song of the Year and Emerging Artist of the Year in for their first album,

Fork In The Road, The Infamous Stringdusters have always in-sisted that they’re not a bluegrass band—until now. “I’ll be hon-est with you, there was a period when I did all I could to avoid using the word ‘bluegrass’ when I was talking about what we do,” said guitarist Andy Colson in a recent telephone conversa-tion. “But you know what, I’m not afraid anymore to say, ‘Hey, we’re a bluegrass band.’”

• Richard Winham is the produc-er and host of WUTC-FM’s af-ternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.

The Infamous Stringdusters fear bluegrass tag no more, but still mess with the music

party, redefined.tWO fLOOrS • One big party • Live MuSic • dancing • 409 Market St • 423.756.1919

THU •MAR 7 423 Bass LoveFRI •MAR 8 STEREOTYPE 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor

SAT •MAR 9 STEREOTYPE 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor

SUN •MAR 10 PEE WEE MOORE & FRIENDS Live on the 1st Floor

MON & TUE •MAR 11/12 DJ SPICOLI Dancing on the 2nd Floor

WED •MAR 13 JOHNATHAN WIMPEE & ANDY ELLIOT Open Players Jams

open 7 days a week » full menu until 2am » 21+ » smoking allowed

RAW


Despite the fact that many perceive it as a battle of the bands, it’s actually a battle of the fans. The winners aren’t chosen on merit, but on their popu-larity among the people attending the shows. The band with the most fans in the house wins. Func-tion and Smooth Dialects were last week’s winners, but only their most ra-bid fans would argue that they are “better” (whatever that might mean) than the other bands on last week-end’s bill. As they did last weekend, bands compete again at 8 p.m. on Friday and Saturday at Rhythm & Brews with only a $7 cover each night. Here’s a primer:

friday, March 8Paul hadfield and

Tucker hollow Band Originally from Paducah, Ky., Hadfield mixes Seger’s soul with Mellencamp’s melodicism and storytell-ing. There’s nothing star-tlingly original about his songs, but like your favor-ite comfort food they’re easily digested and satisfy-ing.

LaGarron Chastain (guitar/vocals), Stephen Hare (bass/vocals), Daniel Hooker (drums)

soul Mechanic Funky, soulful, jazzy blues-based improv in the Derek Trucks mode with a guitarist who studied under Jimmy Her-

ring, a drummer who has subbed with B.B. King and Earth, Wind & Fire (and many others), an ace bass guitarist and (newly add-ed) Jon Elliott on sax—if the competition were for the best players—they’d be the ones to beat.

Tyler Reddick (bass/vocals), Clark Jackson (lead guitar), Tyler Wright (drums), Jon Elliot (saxo-phone/vocals)

Ashley & The x’s Heartbeat drums and ringing guitars bring The Smiths to mind, and Ash-ley Hicks’ lazily slurred, just-behind-the-beat vocal adds to that impression.

Ashley Hicks (vocals/banjo), Eric Parham (gui-tar/keyboards/bass), Dan Walker (percussion), Matt “Yosh” Shigekawa (guitar)

slim Pickins With nimble picking and Ten-nessee champ Boulware’s boundless fiddling, these guys are hands-down the best bluegrass bangers in Chattanooga. But even for those averse to nasal sing-ing and dueling banjos, these guys have something to offer, with sets ranging

from old-time gospel to Grisman’s newgrass.

Randy Steele (banjo/vo-cals), Deron Stevens (man-dolin), John Boulware (fiddle) Brad Clark (gui-tar/vocals), Justin Hupp (bass)

Amber Fults & The Ambivalent lovers The young woman with the shy, twinkling smile has come of age and her band is one of the best in the city. Butch Ross’ edgy leads, Kilgore’s and White’s rock solidness and Hayley Gra-ham’s harmonies alongside Fults’ winsome vocal—no wonder they came so close to winning last year.

Amber Fults (vocals/gui-tar), Hayley Graham (vo-cals), Butch Ross (guitar/keyboards), Travis Kilgo-re (bass), Hunter White (drums)

uncle lightnin’ Like the Brit originals they ad-mire, Uncle Lightnin’ have always felt free to range across the spectrum of American music, mixing honky tonk, hillbilly and blues with boogie and Brit invasion classics (based on vintage Americana). Those who’ve tried to pin them down “have had difficulty,” according to the band. Re-ally? Are you surprised? The whole point was never to be pinned down.

Richard Tate (guitar/ vocals), Millard Ramsey (guitar/vocals), Dan My-ers (guitar), Milton Ham-rick (keyboards/pedal steel), Andrew Heck (bass), Doug Bales (drums)

Saturday, March 9leon G and The Nu-

mac Band Leon mixes Al Green’s sensual soul with George Clinton’s loose-

Battle of the FansMusic

By Richard winham

The second half of The Road to Nightfall competition continues on Friday and Sat-urday at Rhythm & Brews. Like last week,

both nights are a bargain—three-plus hours of mu-sic from a host of talented musicians for less than the price of eight songs from iTunes.

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»P15


Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week * 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192

thehonestpint.com * Facebook.com/thehonestpint

St. Patrick’s Day • Sunday, March 17 Music 2 pm to Midnight

The Molly Maguires John Lathim & Company • The Fabled Canelands

Olta • The Punknecks

Double Decker Pub Shuttle

4 pm to MidnightStops at Hair of the Dog Pub

The Terminal Brewhouse & The Honest Pint


John Wheel-er’s “Cadil-lac Dave” books must be unique in

the annals of Chattanooga non-fiction.

If you took all the histories and memoirs ever published about Chattanooga and brought them all together in one hypo-thetical and impossibly com-plete library, not only would the “Cadillac Dave” books in-clude one of the only first-hand accounts of 1960’s campus radicalism at the University of Chattanooga (and later UTC), they would surely be the only history or memoir to be cross-referenced in both the “Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll” and “Religion” categories.

“The ‘Cadillac Dave’ books are a story of redemption,” ac-cording to Wheeler. The book covers—there are four volumes, plus a new collected “reader”—show they are authored by Dave Jackson, an alias he used when he was a marijuana and cocaine distributor, but he revealed his identity during book promo-tions last year.

Wheeler first told his story in the four volumes published in 2011 and 2012. Fearing that four 200-page books might be too much for some, he published a one-volume “Chronicles of Ca-dillac Dave” this month that

comes in it at 500 pages. Much of the original Chattanooga ma-terial was abbreviated but can be found in Volume One, which remains in print (all four vol-umes and the collected chron-icles are available at Winder Binder Gallery & Bookstore).

“They deal with topics rang-ing from the drug and rock ‘n’ roll counterculture of the late ’60s and the entire 1970s to marijuana smuggling in Ari-zona and Texas, large-scale marijuana distribution all over the Southeast, and dealings with Colombian cocaine dealers in Miami and L.A.,” he added. “They cover a wide range of ex-

periences. A lot of them are il-legal. Some of them aren’t very commendable, but they’re all true.”

Wheeler’s story begins in 1966 when he was in high school sniffing glue, doing small burglaries and roaring around Chattanooga in a black Chevelle SS396 with Maltese crosses on the windows and a “Rebels” li-cense plate up front.

At the University of Chatta-nooga and then UTC, he was at the center of a small but tumul-tuous swirl of late-60’s campus protest. Former Chattanooga Times Free Press executive edi-tor Tom Griscom was Wheeler’s

editor at The Echo, the UTC stu-dent newspaper. He remembers Wheeler as a part of an anti-war group.

“It was a very conspicuous group of people,” Griscom re-called. “Some of them were clearly anti-war. Some were into drug culture, the peace-love type thing. There were some that were just anti-whatever. There were others who I think were looking for a place to fit in, they might have been little bit off the beaten path. John was a great writer. He would sit there out in front of the student center with them and sometimes read poetry, sing with guitars and stuff.”

When UT trustees were meeting in Chattanooga one cold winter day, campus po-lice sprayed Cardiac Hill with water, creating a sheet of ice to keep student protesters away. Wheeler was one of two student observers invited to attend the trustees’ meeting.

Wheeler was the student newspaper’s star columnist and a stringer for the Chattanooga Times. He somehow managed to get a column into print in The Echo that was not only politi-cally radical, but also included an ever-popular but seldom-published four-letter word for carnal congress. That impropri-ety—unignorable because the

TheBalladofCadillac

Dave

Theof

CadillacDave

fear & Loathing in Chattanoogaa Saga of Journalism, Drugs & redemption

By Rich Bailey

»P14

John “Cadillac Dave” Wheeler and friend, circa 1970s. photo courtesyJohn Wheeler

“John really was a badass. I’m trying not to say that, but that’s what he was and he wanted to be seen that way.”Tom griscomFormer executive editor of the Times Free Press and Wheeler’s editor at The Echo, the UTC student newspaper


newspaper was taxpayer-funded—stirred up far more controversy than his radical politics. Griscom resigned in protest, but came back the following year as editor.

“He looked like somebody you wouldn’t want to tangle with ... John really was a ba-dass,” added Griscom. “I’m trying not to say that, but that’s what he was and he wanted to be seen that way.”

Wheeler paints a vivid scene of his bud-dies spiriting him out the back door of the UTC student center incognito to avoid the campus and city cops staking out his car, which they knew from an informant had dope in its trunk. Despite that narrow es-cape, expulsion soon followed and Wheeler went on to become a major player in the Southeastern drug trade.

Both Griscom and Wheeler graduated from Chattanooga to conservative national politics. While Wheeler was distributing cocaine, Griscom was serving as press sec-retary for then-U.S. Sen. Howard Baker and later as communications director for President Ronald Reagan. Wheeler eventu-ally made it to conservative D.C., too, after detouring through three jail terms, more than a few years as a wanted fugitive and an unfinished assignment as ghost writer for a self-described “mafia whore.”

Looking back in print 30 years later, Wheeler doesn’t exactly wallow in what he has now left behind. From the first page it’s clear that he’s putting some distance into his you-are-there retelling. But there’s not a bit of preaching while he’s telling tales on his earlier self. He takes the reader vividly through some harrowing experiences, as seen from his catbird seat at the epicenter of late-70’s drug culture—and in the cross hairs of every level of law enforcement.

After many recounted episodes of deal-ing, doping and carnal congress, Wheeler’s bumpy road to Damascus begins with some spontaneous and heartfelt appeals to God, even while he remained deeply embedded in a drug-fueled career as a bigtime coke dealer. This nascent religious awakening helps him make it through—barely—what he sees even 30 years later as a satanic en-counter, even though he admits there was

a lot of “rocket fuel” (25 percent PCP, 75 percent cocaine) in his system at the time. Were the neighbors at his safe house try-ing to kill him? Was he trying to throw his girlfriend off a bridge, or was she really the devil?

His final conversion comes a few weeks later. He’s gotten out of the mental hospital he checked himself into to avoid an invol-untary commitment after the bridge epi-sode, but he’s still in “the life.”

“I got saved down in Miami in a biker’s duplex with a chopper sittin’ in the living room and a naked go-go girl on the couch beside me, all the drugs spread out on the

table, and a picture of the devil on the wall. That was March 18, 1981,” Wheeler said.

After his conversion, facing federal gun charges, he stares down the temptation to let his Colombian cartel amigos make the legal problems go away. Instead he stays clean and argues his case in court.

“Thanksgiving 1982, I was standing be-fore a federal judge in Norfolk [Va.]. Every lawyer had told me. ‘It’s impossible; you’re going to federal prison.’ The judge stopped the witness on the way to the [witness] stand, halted the proceedings and said, ‘I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I’m go-ing to let you go. I’m going to give you pro-bation.’ If that’s not God, I don’t know what is.”

Ten years later Wheeler made it to Wash-ington, D.C.

“Flash forward to 1992, August. I’m driv-ing my own car through Secret Service se-curity clearance at the White House to walk inside and interview Vice President Dan Quayle” as the founding editor of the Chris-tian American, a national newspaper pub-lished by Pat Robertson of The 700 Club. “God did that, I didn’t,” he said.

“What happened to put me in that mental hospital and what happened as a result of that—which brought me to that deliverance moment in Miami—that’s the whole reason the books were written. Everything else is back story,” he said.

“It’s a long story. Some of it is degenerate. A lot of it makes me look kind of foolish,” Wheeler said. “If I were going to portray myself as a hero, I probably didn’t do a very good job, because I did a lot of stupid things. Most of them are right there in the book.”

He’s been gratified by response to the books at book-signings last year and at his 45th reunions at the three high schools he attended: Baylor, Brainerd and Central.

“Some people think it’s reprehensible, some people are scandalized,” he said. “One pastor told me that it was a celebration of carnality and I should repent and take the books off the market. Four of five pastors that I’ve talked to about it disagreed with that.”

For more information or to purchase Wheeler’s books, visit cadillac-dave.com.

«P12

“I got saved down in Miami in a biker’s duplex with a chopper sittin’ in the living room and a naked go-go girl on the couch beside me, all the drugs spread out on the table, and a picture of the devil on the wall. That was March 18, 1981.” John wheeler, aka “Cadillac Dave”

“If I were going to portray myself as a hero, I probably didn’t do a very good job, because I did a lot of stupid things. Most of them are right there in the book.”John wheeler


ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREETHOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD

BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

LIVE MUSIC

CHATTANOOGA

MARCH

3.15 ROAD TO NIGHTFALL 3.16 THAT 90’S SHOW 3.21 SINNER OF ATTENTION 3.22 FLY BY RADIO

6WED.9pBANDITOS

with CLEAR PLASTIC MASKS & 8 KNIVES

8FRI.8pROAD TO NIGHTFALL

ROUND 3: PAUL HADFIELD & TUCKER HOLLOW BAND,SOUL MECHANIC, ASHELY & THE X’S, SLIM PICKINS,AMBER FULTS & THE AMBIVALENT LOVERS, UNCLE LIGHTNIN’ROUND 4: LEON G & THE NUMAC BAND, BIRDS WITH FLEAS,JORDAN HALLQUIST & THE OUTFIT, JENNIFER HOPE & THEF.N.G.’s GABRIEL NEWELL & MUDDY SOUL, SINNER OF ATTENTION

9SAT.8P

10SUN.8pGLASS HAMMER

with AMBER FULTS

14THU.9pJILL ANDREWS

with HUMMING HOUSE

Facebook.com/theofficechatt

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm$1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts,

$2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

901 Carter St(Inside Days Inn)423-634-9191

Thursday, March 7: 9 p.m.Open Mic

with Hap Henninger

Friday, March 8: 9pmAmanda Rose • Blue River Hex

Saturday, March 9: 10pmHap Henninger

Tuesday, March 12: 7pmServer/Hotel Appreciation Night$5 Pitchers ● $2 Wells ● $1.50 Domestics

Thu 03.07

Open Mic7 p.m. the camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.comscenic City Roots: st. Paul & The Broken Bones, JOhNNysWIM, The steeldrivers, WTM Blues Band7 p.m. track 29, 1400 market st. (423) 266-4323 track29.coOpen Mic with hap henninger9 p.m. the office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191Copper Into steel, 2/3 Goat, Nick lutskoand the sam Jackson 59 p.m. the honest pint, 35 patten pkwy. (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com

FRI 03.08

Road to Nightfall: Paul hadfield & Tucker hollow Band, soul Mechanic, Ashley & the x’s, slim Pickins, Amber Fults & the Ambivalent lovers, uncle lightnin’8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.comTom Goss8 p.m. Barking legs theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.orghusky Burnette8 p.m. acoustic café, 61 RBc Drive, Ringgold, ga.

(706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.comCactus Kegsouthside saloon & Bistro, 1301 chestnut st. (423) 757-4730 southsidesaloonandbistro.comRiver City sessionsthe camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.comRoughwork9 p.m. skyZoo, 5709 lee hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochattanooga.comThe Infamous stringdusters, Old Time Travelers9 p.m. track 29, 1400 market st. (423) 266-4323 track29.coAmanda Rose, Blue River hex9 p.m. the office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191Bud lightning9:30 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.comDiarrhea Planet, Gold Plated Gold10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400sterotype10 p.m. Raw, 409 market st. (423) 756-1919

sAT 03.09

Road to Nightfall: leon G & the Numac Band, Birds With Fleas, Jordan hallquist & The Outfit, Jennifer hope & the FNG’s, Gabriel Newell & Muddy soul, sinner of Attention8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.comhusky Burnette8 p.m. skyZoo, 5709 lee hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochattanooga.comCourtney Daly & the sleepwalkers8 p.m. acoustic café, 61 RBc Drive, Ringgold, ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com

Get The led Out8 p.m. track 29, 1400 market st. (423) 266-4323 track29.co

hap henninger9 p.m. the office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191Queen B & the Well strung Band9:30 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.comRavensouthside saloon & Bistro, 1301 chestnut st. (423) 757-4730 southsidesaloonandbistro.comKelsey’s Woods10 p.m. t-Bones, 1419 chestnut st. (423) 266-4240 tboneschattanooga.comsterotype10 p.m. Raw, 409 market st. (423) 756-1919

suN 03.10

Glass hammer, Amber Fults8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com

WeD 03.13

Courtney Daly, Ivan Wilson8 p.m. acoustic café, 61 RBc Drive, Ringgold, ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com

Chattanooga [email protected]

TRACKs TO heAVeN track 29 is not known as a haven for tribute bands, but this talented bunch of professional musicians are the exception. gtlo has spent 10 years perfecting their Zeppelin tribute to much acclaim. now dubbed by the media as “the american led Zeppelin,” gtlo presents a two-hour set each night that spans the mythic career of the legendary British supergroup. “get the led out didn’t just pass Zeppelin 101 with flying colors—they’re working on their ph.D. they didn’t just do their Zep homework—they’re teaching the class,” one newspaper raved. If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, visit t29 on saturday for a spring clean for the may Queen.

BAND NAMe OF The WeeK: 2/3 GOAT as pulse music columnist Richard Winham put it, “any band called 2/3 goat has got to be worth an ear.” the pint has a reputation for featuring an eclectic lineup of great new bands from out of town. two-thirds goat is not your average new York city-based farm band. their 2011 sophomore album, stream of conscience, was recorded entirely on vintage equipment and the title track is a stance against mountaintop-removal coal mining.

limbed swing and sighing chorines. Satur-day night music that still works on Sunday morning.

Birds With Fleas Formed around the partnership between Matt Siegel and Spencer Karges, who first met in their high school choir, Birds With Fleas sounds like Mumford around the campfire. Close harmonies, cranky banjo picking and me-lodic floorboard-stomping songs connect the past with the immediate present.

Matt Siegel (vocals/ukulele/banjo/harmonica), Denver Davis (bass/vocals), Spencer Karges (guitar/vocals), Kelsey Stoner (piano/vocals), Stephen Smith (drums/vocals)

Jordan hallquist & The Outfit Tak-ing on the persona of the “broken, bruised and scarred” working man, Hallquist often appropriates Springsteen’s recent world-weary tone. He also shares his sense of dynamics, along with his love for semi-nal three-chord rock ‘n’ roll.

Jordan Hallquist (vocals/guitar), Robert Williams (bass), Jeremy Muse (drums)

Jennifer hope & The FNG’s If Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours had been writ-ten and recorded in Nashville it would’ve sounded a lot like this.

Jennifer Hope Brumlow (vocals/gui-tar), Todd Garland (drums), John Lazen-by (bass/banjo), Callie Harmon (guitar/mandolin/lap steel)

Gabriel Newell & Muddy soul New-ell may well be the best singer in Chatta-nooga. His rich, expressive voice, impas-sioned delivery and richly melodic songs have long made him a contender. But as we all know, that’s merely the beginning.

Gabriel Newell (vocals/guitar), Ben Par-ris (saxophone), Brad Newell, Bill Robin-son, Lynn Buckner

sinner of Attention Shouting “Rock is not dead,” this young trio sets out to prove it—with mixed results. They’ve got attitude to burn, but their grinding, grun-gy guitar-driven tunes too often settle into a groove and just sit there.

Trevor Card (vocals/guitar), Josh Rader (bass), Nick Rader (drums)

Whoever wins each night will compete with last week’s winners for the ultimate prize, a headlining gig at Nightfall. Finals take place a 8 p.m on Friday, March 15, at Rhythm & Brews. The ultimate winner will be determined by a panel of judges, not by the fans.

McKay’s Road to NightfallRounds 3 & 4$7 • 8 p.m.Friday, march 8 • saturday, march 9Rhythm & Brews • 221 market st.rhythm-brews.com

«P10


Thu 03.07

“Fire & salt”11 a.m.-6 p.m. (through march 31) In-town gallery, 26a Frazier ave. (423) 267-9214 intowngallery.comTaste5-9 p.m. stratton hall, 3146 Broad st. (423) 667-4332 showclix.com“Cellobration: From Russia with love”7:30 p.m. utc Fine arts center, 752 Vine st. (423) 425-4371 utc.edu/academic/musicBook Chat: “The Forest unseen”7-8:30 p.m. chattanooga arboretum & nature center, 400 garden Road (423) 821-9582 chattanooganaturecenter.org

FRI 03.08

The Music of Tom Goss8 p.m. Barking legs theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org“The Foreigner”7:30 p.m. community theatre, memorial auditorium,

399 mccallie ave. (423) 642-tIXs chattanoogaonstage.comTim Wilson7:30 & 9:30 p.m. the comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.comPaul strickland9:30 p.m. Vaudeville cafe, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

sAT 03.09

Great southern Old Time Fiddlers’ Conventionnoon-8 p.m. lindsay street hall, 906 lindsay st. (423) 755-9111 oldchattanooga.com“Mythic Journeys” Book launch/signing, poetry reading with music by Pickled Pepper Pickers1-3 p.m. pasha coffee & tea, 3914 st. elmo ave. (423) 475-5482“The Foreigner”7:30 p.m. community theatre, memorial auditorium, 399 mccallie ave. (423) 642-tIXs chattanoogaonstage.com

shamrock Celebration Wine Tasting2-5 p.m. georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield pkwy, (706) 937-WIne georgiawines.comTim Wilson7 & 9:30 p.m. the comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.comPaul strickland10:30 p.m. Vaudeville cafe, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

suN 03.10

Chattanooga Coffee Throwdown: Preliminary Round2-6 p.m. thrive studio, 191 River st. (423) 605-3125 thrivestudio.netOpen Improvisational Jam3-5 p.m. Barking legs theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org

MON 03.11

Recital: Grace Ng & siyao li6-7 p.m. lee university, 1120 n. ocoee st. cleveland(423) 614-8000 leeuniversity.edusouthside Casual Classics7:30 p.m. the camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 505-6688 southsidecasualclassics.Recital: stephen Frey & Nathaniel hoppel8-9 p.m. lee university, 1120 n. ocoee st. cleveland(423) 614-8000 leeuniversity.edu

Tue 03.12

Recital: Priscilla Wortman & Michael Payne8-9 p.m. lee university, 1120 n. ocoee st. cleveland(423) 614-8000 leeuniversity.edu

WeD 03.13

Chattanooga state student Art exhibit9 a.m.-5 p.m. (through march 29) association for Visual artists, 700 Frazier ave. (423) 265-4282 avarts.org

Arts [email protected]

GReAT sOuTheRN OlD TIMe FIDDleRs’ CONVeNTION local and regional fiddlers rosin up their bows and play hard at this fourth annual event/revival on saturday, held this year at lindsay street hall. Doors open at noon, with performances, dance, banjo, traditional song, string band and fiddle contests (in that order) happening all afternoon and into the evening. admission is $5 per person, children under 12 are admitted free. Food and drinks will be available, so get your fire off the mountain (above are fiddlers on lookout mountain, circa 1919, who participated in a similar contest of old) and celebrate all things string in the valley below.

• For those who might describe their experience with shake-speare as “Bad about the Bard,” the six-week class “shakespeare for the elizabethan Impaired” might be just your cup of tea—lit-erally, because Janis hashe will teach the class at the english Rose tea Room, beginning march 12 and running through april 16. plays covered will include “a mid-summer night’s Dream,” “ham-let” and “Richard III,” with two class sessions spent on each play. as with the just-completed “oscar Wilde: nothing except my genius,” students can sign up for the whole series or for individual classes.

hashe created the class 14 years ago and has successfully taught it through colleges and at the chattanooga theatre centre. she is the producing director of shakespeare chattanooga, which has presented “the othello project” and “twelfth night” at the ctc, the original compila-tion, “songs, sonnets and so-liloquies from shakespeare” in Renaissance park and others.

“I designed the class for people who didn’t like his work when they were introduced to it, but now would like to find out what all the fuss is about,” hashe says, But, she notes, “I usu-ally have quite a few people who do love shakespeare and just enjoy the opportunity of read-ing and discussing his work.”

pre-registration is required and enrollment is limited to 15 students per class. to register and for more information, con-tact hashe at (423) 622-2862.

shakespeare for the elizabethan Impairedmarch 12-april 16the english Rose tea Room1401 market st.(423) [email protected]

BARD TO The BONe

Shakespeare for the Semi-Williterate


By gaby Dixon

five kids, one tour bus. Will there be enough bacon? This is how co-

median Jim Gaffigan will be making his way from the New York City apartment he shares with his wife Jeannie and five young kids to Chattanooga, where he will perform on March 17 at the Tivoli Theatre.

The family-packed tour bus will undoubtedly serve as a goldmine of new material for the seasoned comedian most notable for his Hot Pockets, bacon and other food-related bits from his 2006 “Beyond the Pale” and 2009 “King Baby” tours.

Gaffigan, who has made an unprecedented amount of ap-pearances on the late night talk shows of Conan O’Brien and David Letterman, will make Chattanooga one of the first stops on his “White Bread” tour, giving us the opportunity to hear fresh material that the deadpan, observational hu-morist co-wrote with his wife (Jeannie Gaffigan is also pro-ducing the tour) as he told me in a recent phone interview.

“It’s rather unusual for a co-median and I didn’t really fore-see it. I always knew my wife was funny,” he said. “It just ended up happening that way and now I’m completely code-pendent. It’s a secret weapon.”

With wife Jeannie produc-ing all of his shows, Gaffigan is looking forward to having his family along for his tour. “It’s going to be pretty crazy, but as a father you want to try to limit

the time you’re away from your kids.”

Although Gaffigan’s recently released book is titled “Dad Is Fat,” he generally keeps most of his fatherly humor away from the stage. “The book is a combination of observational and story tell-ing,” he said. “I i n t e n t i o n a l l y did not do that much kid mate-rial in my act. I had some, but not a lot because I remember being 26, doing stand-up and seeing people talk about their wife and kids and I’m sitting there going. ‘I can’t get a date, I don’t know what you’re talking about.’”

Realizing that family mate-rial doesn’t appeal to all audi-ences, Gaffigan has reserved most of that for his hilarious string of tweets on his Twitter account.

“When Twitter came along I was like all right, I’ll do a lot of kid stuff here. I won’t edit myself. And I’ve been getting some pretty positive feedback on Twitter, so I had all these observations that prompted stories, talking about the ex-

perience of being a parent but more of the fact that I don’t feel qualified to be a parent, be-cause I’m a self-admitted lazy guy and sort of a selfish guy, so it follows sort of that journey. It’s not a complain-about-your-kids or an I-love-my-kids book,

it’s just focusing on being funny.”

Gaffigan drew from his fam-ily in the early

years of his stand-up career, taking inspiration from his sister to create his signature “inner voice,” on stage. “It was inspired by my sister, but a lot of it is the inner critic that we all have in those moments of insecurity and kind of just em-powering it.”

Expect much hilarity to en-sue with “Dad Is Fat.” Along with his new book, Gaffigan will soon be filming a pilot epi-sode for a new sitcom on CBS titled “Gaffigan,” about his life with his wife and children (all of whom are under the age of 8), all living in their two bed-room apartment in New York. Mira Sorvino has recently been cast to play Gaffigan’s wife on the show.

Like almost every stand-up comedian, Gaffigan’s loyalty lies with the stage. “I love stand up,” he said. “As a comedian, you get rather spoiled by the control you have. You’re essen-tially a one-man band up there. I love acting, but there’s a lot of variables that you have no control over. I enjoy the ending and I the process, but the work that goes into getting an acting job is such a leap.”

“Portlandia” fans will be able to catch him guest star-ring on several episodes of the IFC show alongside creators/stars Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen, a project Gaffi-gan was pleased to be a part of, commending the creative duo’s improvisational humor.

“It’s all improv,” he said. “It’s a pretty amazing experience because these guys are do-ing a different kind of show, rather than some kind of tra-ditional gag. Some of the net-work’s television jokes are just crude. They’re also just some of the nicest people in the world. Sometimes in entertainment you can run into some pretty peculiar egos.”

Gaffigan, who is not from a showbiz family and who grad-uated from business school at Georgetown, said that his education “prepared me for the fact that I didn’t want to work in finance. I did a stand-up seminar. My friend and I were doing improv and he dared me, and it was like I had been wait-ing for someone to dare me to do stand-up and we were going to do it together. But he ended up chickening out and then I did it on the side for a while and kept my day job for a long time. I’ve enjoyed it, it’s terrify-ing and fun, and there’s some-thing magical about the whole process.”

Jim Gaffigan$39.75/$49.75 7: 30 p.m. sunday, march 17tivoli theatre709 Broad st.chattanoogaonstage.com

Gaffigan Family Road ShowOn tour with his wife and five kids, comedian Jim Gaffigan takes his family act on the road

Comic Relief


Unfortunately, during the 1980s and the Reagan administration, the work done to combat hunger in the richest nation on Earth was nearly undone for the sake of tax cuts and defense spending. A new narrative was created, one in which the government was not the answer, de-spite evidence to the con-trary. Instead, the problem of hunger was handed off to private charities and faith-based initiatives. The focus shifted and the hun-gry were shamed.

It is estimated now that 50 million Americans are “food insecure,” mean-ing that they don’t know where their next meal is coming from. One in two children will rely on pub-lic assistance for a meal at some point in their lives. “A Place at the Table” is a new documentary that hopes to be “Hunger in America”

for a new generation. The film travels to three

distinctly American lo-cations: a small town in Colorado, a “food desert” in Mississippi and low-in-come housing in Philadel-phia. The problems facing these families are myriad. One mother works as a waitress, bringing home $120 every two weeks. She is forced to move back in with her parents, seven people in a single-family home, keeping them from qualifying for food stamps because the household

Hunger Rising

By John DeVore

In 1968, CBS released a documentary hosted by Charles Kuralt titled “Hun-ger in America.” Television was much less fractured then, which allowed a large number of viewers to witness the realities of hunger in the lives of

10 million Americans. The documentary was so powerful that it shocked the nation into action, and for a time hunger was powerfully addressed. People called their representatives and demanded action. Legislation was passed. By the end of the 1970s, our hunger problem was drastically reduced. It was a testament to engaged democracy.

Screen

1,000 Words

THE PULSE 2013 SHORT STORY CONTESTh

Enter The Pulse’s Annual Short Story Competition. All entries are limited to 1,000 words and must have a southern theme. submit stories in document format, include your name, phone number and a brief biography. only entries emailed following these rules will be considered. stories will be judged by an expert panel. The judges’ top choice will be published on April 18 in The Pulse and win a pair of tickets to the Celebration of Southern Literature (April 18-20). Three runners-up will be published in subsequent issues of The Pulse.

Email to: [email protected]: 2013 Short Story Contest

Deadline: March 28, 2013

chattanoogapulse.com • facebook/chattanoogapulsE

THE TALK OF THE NOOG

Hunger was once drastically reduced in America, due in part to a 1968 documentary. But since the 1980s, it has again risen to near epidemic levels. Can a new documentary help drive people to action?

ABOVe Rosie, a fifth-grader, lives in a closet with her sister and can’t focus at school because she’s hungry.


makes too much to quali-fy. Her daughter, Rosie, a fifth-grader, lives in a clos-et with her sister and can’t focus at school because she’s hungry. A mother in Mississippi can’t afford to buy fruits and vegetables for her child, choosing quantity over quality so that her dollar can stretch farther. As a result, her daughter, Tremonica, a second-grader, is over-weight and asthmatic. In Philly, Barbie is out of work, relying entirely on food stamps and govern-ment assistance to feed her children. When she does find work, she loses her assistance, making her ability to provide for family even harder. These are the faces of 50 million Americans.

The film talks to a vari-ety of experts, policy mak-ers, physicians, pastors and teachers. It argues that hunger is inherently solvable in our country. We don’t have a scarcity problem—the U.S. has more than enough food for everyone. Instead, it’s a problem of access, of cost, of improperly ap-plied subsidies. Billions of dollars a year are spent to subsidize agribusinesses that produce corn and soy, which in turn has made processed foods cheaper to produce. A significant number of Americans in-creasingly rely on charities and faith-based services

for their monthly food supply because it’s simply too expensive to buy at the store. Pockets of Ameri-can towns exist in areas without supermarkets, depending on small mar-kets or convenience stores for food, meaning that fresh foods are scarce. The qualifications for SNAP benefits are so narrow that most struggling families don’t qualify or qualify for such a small amount it makes little difference to their overall situation.

The film’s greatest suc-cess comes from address-ing and dismissing the cultural perception of the “welfare queen.” Ameri-

cans tend to value individ-ualism and self-reliance above all. While this is a positive trait at times, it can also lead to a callous view of those who struggle, placing blame rather than offering help.

Lacking the power to feed your family is humili-ating and stressful; very few Americans are on food stamps by choice. Rather than arguing about the role of government or wor-rying that someone some-where might be undeserv-edly benefitting from ac-tion, we as a nation need to re-evaluate how we can best help our neighbors for the good of everyone. If the film is to be believed, we’ve done it before. We can do it again.

“A Place at the Table” was released widely on March 1, but it hasn’t yet reached our theaters. If you want to see it on the big screen, call your local theater and request they bring it here. Alternately, it is available On Demand through Comcast and for rent via iTunes. See this film and think about how you can get involved. Spread awareness, en-courage others, call your congressman. We can do better than this.

ABOVe Barbie Izquierdo is out of work, relying entirely on food stamps and government assistance to feed her children.

Rather than arguing about the role of government or worrying that someone somewhere might be undeservedly benefitting from action, we as a nation need to re-evaluate how we can best help our neighbors for the good of everyone.


Free Will Astrology ROB BRezsNy

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen,” says musician and businessman Derek Sivers. Numerous studies dem-onstrate that when you talk about your great new idea before you actually do it, your brain chemistry does an unex-pected thing. It gives you the feeling that you have already accomplished the great new idea -- thereby sapping your willpower to make the effort necessary to accomplish it! The moral of the story: Don’t brag about what you’re going to do someday. Don’t enter-tain people at parties with your fabulous plans. Shut up and get to work. This is especially important advice for you right now.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Maybe you’re not literally in exile. You haven’t been forced to abandon your home and you haven’t been driven from your power spot against your will. But you may never-theless be feeling banished or displaced. It could be due to one of the conditions that storyteller Michael Meade names: “We may experience exile as a lack of recognition, a period of transition, an identity crisis, a place of stuckness, or else having a gift and

no place to give it.” Do any of those describe your current predicament, Aries? The good news, Meade says, is that exile can shock you awake to the truth about where you belong. It can rouse your irrepressible mo-

tivation to get back to your rightful place.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Do you have a recurring nightmare that has plagued you? If so, I suspect it will recur again soon. Only this time, Taurus, you will beat it. You will trick or escape or defeat the monster that’s chasing you. Or else you will outrun the molten lava or disperse the tornado or fly up off the ground until the earth stops shaking.

Congratulations on this epic shift, Taurus. Forever after you will have more power over the scary thing that has had so much power over you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The follow-ing request for advice appeared on Reddit.com: “My identical twin is stuck in an al-ternate dimension and she can only com-municate with me by appearing as my own reflection in mirrors and windows. How can I tell her I don’t like what she’s done to her hair?” This question is a variant of a type of dilemma that many of you Geminis are

experiencing right now, so I’ll respond to it here. I’m happy to say that you will soon get an unprecedented chance to commune directly with your alter egos. Your evil twin will be more available than usual to engage in meaningful dialog. So will your doppel-ganger, your shadow, your mirror self, and your stuntperson.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Usually I advise Cancerians to draw up precise bor-ders and maintain clear boundaries. As a Crab myself, I know how important it is for our well-being that we neither leak our life force all over everything nor allow others to leak their life force all over us. We thrive on making definitive choices and strong com-mitments. We get into trouble when we’re wishy-washy about what we want. OK. Hav-ing said all that fatherly stuff, I now want to grant you a partial and temporary license to get a little wild and fuzzy. Don’t overdo it, of course, but explore the smart fun you can have by breaking some of your own rules and transgressing some of the usual limits.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the course of formulating his theory of evolution, Charles Darwin read many books. He developed a rather ruthless approach to getting what he needed out of them. If there was a par-ticular part of a book that he didn’t find use-ful, he simply tore it out, cast it aside, and kept the rest. I recommend this as a general strategy for you in the coming week, Leo. In every situation you’re in, figure out what’s most valuable to you and home in on that. For now, forget the irrelevant and extrane-ous stuff.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Here’s a pas-sage from Charles Dickens’ novel *Great Expectations*: “It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.” Judging from the astrological omens, Virgo, I suspect your life may be like that in the coming days.

The emotional tone could be sharply mixed, with high contrasts between vivid sensa-tions. The nature of your opportunities may seem warm and bright one moment, cool and dark the next. If you regard this as in-teresting rather than difficult, it won’t be a problem, but rather an adventure.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “I worked as a hair stylist in Chicago’s Gold Coast for 20 years with some of the most gorgeous woman and men in the world,” writes sculp-tor Rich Thomson. “Once I asked a photog-rapher who shot for the big magazines how he picked out the very best models from among all these great-looking people. His response: ‘Flaws. Our flaws are what make us interesting, special, and exotic. They define us.’” My challenge to you, Libra, is to meditate on how your supposed imper-fections and oddities are essential to your unique beauty. It’s a perfect moment to celebrate -- and make good use of -- your idiosyncrasies.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The ge-nius of Leonardo da Vinci was in part fu-eled by his buoyant curiosity. In his work as an artist, musician, inventor, engineer, and writer, he drew inspiration from pretty much everything. He’s your role model for the coming week, Scorpio. Just assume that you will find useful cues and clues wherever you go. Act as if the world is full of teachers who have revelations and guid-ance specifically meant for you. Here’s some advice from da Vinci himself: “It should not be hard for you to stop some-times and look into the stains of walls, or ashes of a fire, or clouds, or mud or like places, in which, if you consider them well, you may find really marvelous ideas.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Ready for a reality check? It’s time to as-sess how well you know the fundamental facts about where you are located. So let me ask you: Do you know which direction

north is? Where does the water you drink come from? What phase of the moon is it today? What was the indigenous culture that once lived where you live now? Where is the power plant that generates the elec-tricity you use? Can you name any constel-lations that are currently in the night sky? What species of trees do you see every day? Use these questions as a starting point as you deepen your connection with your specific neighborhood on planet Earth. Get yourself grounded!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There’s a writer I know whose work is bril-liant. Her ideas are fascinating. She’s a champion of political issues I hold dear. She’s well-read and smarter than me. Yet her speech is careless and sloppy. She ram-bles and interrupts herself. She says “uh,” “you know,” and “I mean” so frequently that I find it hard to listen, even when she’s saying things I admire. I considered telling her about this, but decided against it. She’s an acquaintance, not a friend. Instead, I re-solved to clean up my own speech—to make sure I don’t do anything close to what she does. This is a strategy I suggest for you, Capricorn: Identify interesting people who are not fully living up to their potential, and change yourself in the exact ways you wish they would change.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The German word *Verschlimmbesserung* refers to an attempted improvement that actually makes things worse. Be on guard against this, Aquarius. I fear that as you tin-ker, you may try too hard. I’m worried you’ll be led astray by neurotic perfectionism. To make sure that your enhancements and en-richments will indeed be successful, keep these guidelines in mind: 1. Think about how to make things work better, not how to make things look better. 2. Be humble and relaxed. Don’t worry about saving face and don’t overwork yourself. 3. Forget about short-term fixes; serve long-range goals.


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ACROSS1. Cool, in 1990s rap parlance5. Disaster, like the four movies in the theme entries9. Hide words from the kids, maybe14. Host with rumors of retiring in 201415. One woodwind16. The present17. “Edit” menu option18. It may be more19. Orange Muppet20. Pattern for highland families23. ___ Majesty24. Mass ___ (Boston thoroughfare, to locals)25. Word after Gator or Power26. “Now I see!”

27. Richard or Maurice of 1940s fast food32. Trips around the earth36. Village Voice award37. Golfer Palmer38. Yoko of “Dear Yoko”39. SeaWorld star attraction40. Geometric shape: abbr.41. Outside the box43. Comet, for example45. “I’m amazed!”46. Columbus Day’s mo.47. Dizzy Gillespie genre48. Gp. that regulates carry-on luggage51. Itinerary collected by a rock historian56. The South57. “___ Window”58. Vizquel of baseball

59. “Fanny” author Jong60. Prefix meaning “within”61. Clue weapon62. Ford’s famous flop63. TV chef Paula64. Scrape spot

DOwN1. Stuffed doll material2. Therefore3. Conjunctions seen with a slash4. Honk the horn5. Simon in South American history6. With a high BMI7. ___ pit8. Category for Daniel Day-Lewis9. Sound purchase?10. After-dinner wine11. Krabappel of

“The Simpsons”12. ___ to rest13. Soapmaking caustic21. California/Nevada lake22. Makes new friends?26. Hill of the Clarence Thomas scandal27. Secondary study28. Not in any way29. Having ___ hair day30. Super-long ride31. Two, in Toulouse32. Pop singer Anthony33. “Moral ___” (Cartoon Network show)34. Way back when35. Exhausted39. Market divisions?41. Maritime patrol gp.42. Club on the fairway44. Option given by Howie Mandel47. Wesley Snipes title role48. Pumbaa’s cartoon buddy49. Rickman, in the “Harry Potter” films50. Terms and conditions option51. Snipe or thrush52. Line on a graph53. Pleasant54. It may be spliced55. Monkees member Peter56. Wallace of “E.T.”

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I do go to the doctor once a year for a check up, but given that my monthly health insurance premium is nearly double what a “wellness visit” costs off the rack, I’d say they’ve taken enough money from me to cover that tab. My only other health care costs are generic prescription drugs that are not only cheap, they’re not covered under my plan anyway. Oh, and I go to the dentist—but that’s not covered, either.

Being self-employed, I have to pay 100 percent of my insurance premium under an “individual plan.” If you work somewhere that offers health insur-ance as a benefit, then you only pay a portion of your premium out of your pay-check and the company covers the rest. You and your coworkers as a group participate in your own “group plan.”

The overall health of your company’s “group” de-termines what each person in the group pays. In other words, you pay the same amount out of your pay-check as the three-pack-a-day smoker in the ware-house or the 300-pound secretary in the cubical next door. In the infinite wisdom of health insur-ance mathematics, the monetary risk of one sick person is spread out over the premiums paid by each member of the group so that the insurance com-pany always wins. Very Vegas.

Meanwhile there’s me. I don’t have co-workers, sick or healthy. I don’t have an

employer picking up a big portion of my health plan premium. I’m not even part of any group. Or am I?

In an effort to simplify things, as far as determin-ing an accurate monthly premium rate for a one-off like myself, all individual plan members such as my-self are lumped into a big happy group of our own. The risk of each individual member is spread across the entire group and rates are averaged out. So, my rates are determined by the health of a bunch of people I’ve never even seen, let alone met. And appar-ently unlike me, they’ve all been using their health insurance a lot, hence the rate increase I’m about to start paying.

Is it me or does this seem unfair? If I’m watch-ing my diet, exercising and not running to the doctor every time I have a sniffle shouldn’t I be rewarded with reduced premiums? My car insurance company thinks so.

Until adding my teen-age daughter to my policy a year or so ago, I paid the lowest rates my car insur-ance company offers. In fact, over the years they’ve not only proactively sent me notices of premium reductions based on my good driving record, but even sent rebate checks

every now and then for a percentage of what I’d paid in any given year. And if my daughter maintains a clean driving record and a good report card, her rates will drop as well. How is this any different than health insurance? It’s because I go to the doctor, but don’t have auto acci-dents—and that’s bullshit.

I actually had a claim on my car insurance for an ac-cident that happened just last year. Between the cost of damages for both my car and the car I hit, I’d say the total bill to my insurer was likely around $25,000—a far cry from the cost of a single doctor’s visit. How-ever, when I received my next car insurance premi-um statement my annual fee was exactly the same as it was the year before—and the year before that. No in-crease due to “rising body shop costs.”

Health insurance com-panies have shell-game explanations of why their brand of coverage is dif-ferent than auto insurance and how spreading out risk across the entire popula-tion of members is good for everyone. I know, because I wrote marketing copy for the insurer in question for nearly a decade. But in all that time I never quite bought in to their logic and business practices. They’ve got people snowed and scared to death of the an-tidote—Obamacare.

Healthy? Pay UpLife in the Noog ChuCK CROWDeR

• Chuck Crowder is a local writer and man about town. His opin-ions are his own.

Recently, I received a notice from my “not for profit,” locally based health care insurer that my rates are going up $15 a month next year due to “rising health care costs.” This baffled me, since I personally haven’t

“cost” my insurance company much of anything in at least a year or two.

The Pulse 10.10 » March 7-13, 2013

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