The golden globes 2014
-
Upload
louise-lister -
Category
Lifestyle
-
view
84 -
download
0
Transcript of The golden globes 2014
Aaron Paul & Lauren
Parsekian
These two are really
cute, and they’re
married, and they
really like each other.
He calls her his “Little
Bird.” Which, you
know, awwwww.
Her dress is lovely; fits
perfectly and suits
her.
Allison Williams
This is a miss for me.
And her eye makeup
frightens me.
Amber Heard
Somebody drove to the
awards ceremony with
the top down on her
Mustang!
The dress might have
been a classic if not for
the ludicrous split and
the weird hair.
(Her Mustang is not
actually a convertible.
Just pretend it is).
Amy Adams
Maybe too much like
an actual costume
from American
Hustle? I like the
unusual combination
of colours, and she
does look really cute,
but I’m not in love
with the top half. (Top
quarter? Top eighth?)
Amy Poehler
Asymmetry gone awry.
She looks great
generally, I just feel like
she put this on wrong.
Like those convertible
jersey dresses
everyone’s making now
(“wear it 12 ways!”). I
just know I’d struggle
with it in vain for half an
hour and then end up
wearing it as a turban.
Anna Gunn
Gorgeous, fits
perfectly, I can’t find
a fault with it; I don’t
know why it doesn’t
wow me. Am I wrong?
Ariel Winter
Ariel Winter is 15, and
her sister has custody
of her because her
mother is a bad person.
So I’m worried that she
has no one to (a) iron
her clothes and (b)
teach her to wrangle
her generous bust.
Someone other than
Sofia Vergara.
Aubrey Plaza
I may say this every
awards season, but I
don’t get Aubrey Plaza.
Her sarcastic shtick is
unfunny. I’ve tried
watching Parks and
Recreation, and I just
don’t find it amusing. I
feel the same way
about this glorified
prom dress.
Berenice Bejo
No, nope, absolutely
not. Did it used to be
a BLAZER??
Caitlin Fitzgerald
I don’t know who this
person is, but I actually
kind of love this. I think
I shouldn’t, but I do. It
looks like something
January Jones would
wear - on the set of
Mad Men. Bonus points
for the random hit of
coral and the stripey
shoes.
Cate Blanchett
Not one of my favourite
looks from our friend
Cate. I love that she
always brings the
quality on the red
carpet, but sometimes
she errs on the side of
joylessness. This might
be less avant garde
(and more palatable)
with a low neckline.
Catt Sadler
I don’t know who Catt
Sadler is, or what
purpose the second
‘t’ in her name
serves, but I’m
getting really tired of
people not wearing
underpants. This
would be pretty if
lined. Lined!!
Drew Barrymore
I like seeing pregnant
women on the red
carpet, because they
tend to look more
normal and human by
virtue of the fact that
their cheekbones aren’t
jutting out.
Drew looks glorious,
and her dress is happy
and pretty and fun.
Edie Falco
Edie came in a
drawstring bag!
Elisabeth Moss
I have no quarrel with
this.
Emilia Clarke
This puzzles me. The
pattern, from here,
looks like TV static,
with blurry patches. I
want to adjust my
monitor. The shape of
the dress is fine, but
my emotional reaction
to the look overall is
one of confusion.
Emma & Gaia Thompson
Emma has been
EVERYWHERE lately,
and I just love her,
because she’s so
smart and funny and
un-Hollywood. So I’m
going to overlook this
mother-of-the-bride
misstep. She doesn’t
look terrible.
Emma Roberts
If someone has to do the
Morticia Addams thing, it
might as well be Emma
Roberts. I do love the
neckline and the
turquoise earrings.
Fishtail hems always
make my think of
octopuses, but she looks
modern and elegant. At
least Kelly Osbourne isn’t
wearing it.
Emma Watson
I’ll illustrate my initial
reaction to this
sequentially, with
emoticons:
1. Oh! This is…
2. …wait, is that…
can it be navy
tights??
3. No, I think it’s
pants!
Emma Watson
Giuliana Rancic
Yeah, whatever.
NEXT!
Hayden Panatierre
Hayden had to pay for
this Tom Ford, because
he only dresses one
person per awards
show. At least that’s his
excuse. It’s hard to
judge her frock
objectively because of
the frightful hair. But I
don’t think it’s worth the
$10,000 she paid for it.
Heidi Klum
At first I thought the
dress wasn’t too bad,
despite the choppy
mullet and the
grungy choker. But
then…
NO UNDERPANTS
AGAIN.
How did the side of a
person’s backside
come to be
considered worthy of
display?
Helen Mirren
While I don’t love the
bunchy (tulle?)
neckline, and the
shade of green may
be a little too gaudy,
she looks absolutely
amazing in it, so I
wouldn’t insist that
she change anything.
Her hair is cute, too.
Jacqueline Bisset
Something about this
whole look, spiky
fringe included,
makes me think of
David Bowie in
Labyrinth.
Also, she was totally
drunk when she gave
her acceptance
speech.
Jemima Kirke and…Friend
Speaking of drunk
people, Jemima Kirke
always looks
inebriated. These
people are both
suitably dressed for
some kind of night-
time hipster
barbecue.
Jenna Dewan
Jenna Dewan is
Channing Tatum’s wife
(ie. a nobody), but she
looks like an a-lister in
this interesting dress.
There were a few
graphic black and white
frocks on the red
carpet, and they look
amazing. Except Heidi
Klum’s.
Jennifer Lawrence
Love Jennifer Lawrence,
hate the dress. Dior is
intent on dressing her – for
every awards ceremony –
in the most ordinary
dresses they can throw
together. They also
habitually put her in
voluminous ballgowns that
cut in below the backside,
for some reason.
See? WHYEEE?
It looks like something
that was hastily
cobbled together at
the last minute with a
bedsheet and a
couple of yards of
black ribbon.
Love the haircut. BUT
THAT IS ALL.
Jessica Chastain
She was absolutely
everywhere for a
while, but I guess
she’s been on
holiday. This look is
unremarkable. I feel
like we’ve seen her in
it before. And maybe
black isn’t her best
colour. But it’s fine.
Joanna Newsom and Andy Samberg
I don’t really get Joanna
Newsom. I find her voice weird
and affected. But everyone else
thinks she’s amazing. It’s like
an Emperor’s New Clothes
thing. Which is probably the
title of her next album.
She actually looks lovely here,
although I probably would have
gone with either the flounce or
the frilly sleeves, not both. She
looks like a Spanish doll.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Meh.
Julia Roberts
This has to be among
the worst of the
evening. It looks like
she purchased a
generic black
strapless dress and
wore it over a basic
white dress shirt. The
sparkly belt doesn’t
make it better.
Julianna Margulies
I wasn’t totally sure
about this at first (I
thought it might be too
stiff and puffy), but on
the red carpet it had
more movement and
she looked really
striking. Her hair was
cute, too. And there, as
always, is her
swoonworthy husband
in the background.
Julie Bowen
Julie Bowen always
looks utterly mad. If I
picture this dress on
someone else though, I
think it has merit. The
velvet bodice and
ruched sleeves are
really pretty, and the
combination of three
jewel tones is
surprising.
The original is
prettier: the fabric
used for the skirt
looks more drapey. It
might have looked
better on a pale
brunette, like Emilia
Clarke or Michelle
Dockery.
Julie Delpy.
Time for a stylist. Her
hair looks a bit sad,
too.
Kaley Cuoco
Kaley simply doesn’t
have an innate sense
of elegance. Her hair
and makeup are too
“rock chick” and her
dress is too “mildewy
shower curtain.”
Kate Beckinsale
Kate so often opts for
the strapless fishtail
gown and the high
ponytail. It’s a
signature style that
lacks originality and
maybe isn’t terribly
flattering. I’d love to
see her with her hair
out, or maybe in a
side-swept wavy bob.
Kate Mara
The deep U-neck isn’t
pretty, and the
blonde hair is terrible.
It and the pale
beigey-silver fabric
sap all the colour out
of her face.
Kelly Osbourne
This is the exact
expression on my
face right now.
Kerry Washington
Not one of Kerry’s
more exciting looks.
The dishwater grey
shade and over-vest-
thing fastened with a
brooch is awkward.
She looks like a
cartoon beetle.
Kristen Connelly
Fine, but how many
times to people need
to be told? Legs or
bust, not both!
Kristin Chenowith
I like the concept and
colour, but this one
doesn’t have enough
bust/legs! It almost
looks like a turtleneck,
which makes me think
of Star Trek. A wider
or lower neck might
have made all the
difference.
Kyra Sedgwick
I’m not a fan of the
“sporty formal dress”
look; anything that
resembles the kind of
tailoring you’d find on a
swimsuit or something
you’d wear the gym.
But this may be partly
due to the fact that I
don’t frequent gyms,
and resent those who
do.
Laura Carmichael
Hmm. It fits right, but
the details are off.
Laura Dern
Laura looks very weird
here. I’m not sure if
it’s the thinness or the
big brassy hair or the
beige, or the pattern
that at a glance
resembles leopard-
print, or all of the
above. But I’m
underwhelmed.
Lena Dunham
I’m really sick of
talking/hearing about
the way Lena Dunham
looks. Not on moral
grounds, just because
I’m thoroughly bored by
it all. I actually think she
looks pretty great here.
The colour is gorgeous,
and her hair and
makeup are flattering.
Leslie Mann
The frilly peplum does
nothing for me, and
Leslie usually has more
fun with colour, but I
can’t help always
finding her adorable.
Maybe a chunky
turquoise necklace or
something would have
made this look more
fresh and modern?
Lily Rabe
I don’t know who Lily Rabe
is. Could I have Googled it
in the time it has taken me
to type these words?
Possibly.
This is quite lovely, but I’m
just not thrilled about the
black-mesh-over-nude-
lining look that all the kids
are doing these days. It
always looks dingy from a
distance.
Lizzy Caplan
Lizzy obviously hit
her head and woke
up in the 80’s.
Louise Roe
Louise Roe is some
kind of presenter.
Which is probably
ideal, as this dress
screams “D-List.” The
cut-outs and hideous
orange sherbet shade
remind me of cheap
clubwear, a dress code
which really shouldn’t
even exist.
Lupita Nyong’o
I’m not usually into the
cape thing (*ahem*
Gwyneth Paltrow
*cough*) because
people shouldn’t dress
as superheroes unless
they are. However,
Lupita obviously is
some kind of superhero,
and looks stunning in
this vermilion frock.
See? She is obviously
about to fly away and
fight crime. She is no
mere mortal. Easily
one of the best looks
of the night.
Margot Robbie
Margot is an
Australian soap
actress or something,
and just starred in
The Wolf of Wall
Street, a movie I’m
never likely to see.
She looks lovely, if a
bit generic-
Hollywood-actress.
Matthew McConaughey and
Camila Alves
Not one of her best
looks (we’ve seen
this dress so many
times before on so
many people), but
she’s beautiful, so it
doesn’t matter.
Mayim Bialik
Too sedate, but fine.
Megan Mullally
I could have fixed this
in minutes by cutting
off the sleeves,
removing the glasses
and sweeping her
fringe to the side. But
she didn’t ask me,
and now it’s too late.
Melissa McCarthy
The frock fits
beautifully, but the
frayed grey fabric
looks decidedly odd.
Her hair is too severe,
too. Everyone needs
to lighten up. It’s the
Globes, not a funeral.
Melissa Rauch
Everybody needs to
stop lightening up.
It’s the globes, not
Disneyland.
Michael J Fox and Tracy Pollan
Quite lovely, but a
size too small*, so it
doesn’t sit straight
*The dress, not the guy.
Michelle Dockery
I love this. She just
looks exquisite. The
porcelain skin, bobbed
hair, red lipstick and
sparkly dress are
perfect. She looks
elegant and polished.
I’m not usually into
non-colours, but this
fabric is pretty and
luminous.
Mila Kunis
I love this too.
Somehow the silvery
frocks are the
prettiest this year,
and this platinum
shade works
beautifully with Mila’s
olive skin and dark
hair.
Another angle. It
drapes nicely, too.
Minnie Driver
…aaaaand we’re back
to reality.
Naomi Watts
This is the single look
Tom Ford did for free
for the Globes. I’m
not sure it was worth
it. I mean it’s fine, but
I feel like she’s done
this look before, and
better.
Olivia Wilde
Her hair is really
pretty, but again, the
bottle green spangley
dress has become a
red-carpet staple.
Angelina Jolie
probably started it.
But still, it’s fine, and
she looks happy.
Paula Patton
Paula is obviously
being consumed by
some kind of fungi,
which is probably just
as well, because the
dress that is being
consumed is ugly. The
fabric looks cheap, and
highlights lumps and
bumps that aren’t
even there.
Rachel Smith
Rachel Smith is a
nobody who dressed
like a somebody (FYI I’d
like that to be written
on my gravestone). This
is so pretty, it was
worth trawling the
internet to find out who
she was. (It took me
ages, as the one place
that carried her picture
misidentified her).
Rashida Jones
This dress and
hairstyle would be
adequate for a posh
Hollywood lunch or
something.
Reese Witherspoon
Another “sporty
formal” dress. The
colour is lovely, but
on someone with
Reese’s girl-next-door
colouring, it’s a bit
cheap-looking. Am I
being unreasonable?
Robin Wright
Eeeewww.
Sandra Bullock
Someone obviously
stitched a bunch of
Disney princess
costumes together to
make this. It
truncates her legs,
and the colours and
fabrics are ugleeeey.
Sarah Hyland
Bridesmaaaiiid.
Sarah Paulson
See? Another silvery
frock that takes the
cake. She looks like a
ballerina, in the best
way.
Sally Hawkins
Up close, this may look very
pretty. Otherwise I’m not
sure how it happened.
Sofia Vergara
Behold, the monster
of the deep!
Tatiana Maslany
I have no idea who this
person is, but after
Sofia Vergara she is
like a tall cool drink of
water. This simple
silver sheath is so
timeless, and the hair
and makeup is too. Not
dramatic, but
effortlessly chic, which
is often better.
Taylor Schilling
Gorgeous. The green
may be a little too
grass-green, but it’s
still beautiful. I’d wear
it around the house
while sipping
champagne. Or some
kind of low-cal
alchohol-free
champagne substitute.
Diet Coke, for example.
Taylor Swift
*Sigh*
Her again.
Taylor Swift
I can’t really argue
with this. The
watermelon shade is
striking. She looks like
a really glamorous
Valentine’s Day teddy
bear. But I’m just SO
OVER Taylor Swift, I
can’t be objective.
The Damons
Luciana often opts for
things that remind
me of Christmas
ribbon. She seems
like a quality woman,
I just can’t get on
board with her
lacklustre sartorial
choices.
Tina Fey
Nooooo, Tina! You were
making so much
progress! What
HAPPENED?
I actually love the fabric
(anything that looks like
wallpaper) but the vast
Elizabethan flaps on
either side make her
look huge on the lower
half. And her hair is blah.
Tina Fey
Yeah, it’s reversible.
I’m afraid that
doesn’t help, Tina.
Just ditch the flaps.
Ditch the flaps!
It would look really
pretty without.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
Much better. This isn’t the
best picture, but they
both looked stunning on
stage, for all of the twelve
minutes that I could bring
myself to watch. Tina’s
hair was all wavy and
shiny, and Amy’s dress is
a deep teal shade which
complemented Tina’s
garnet frock beautifully.
Uma Thurman
No, Uma.
Zoe Saldana
This looked prettier on the red
carpet than it does in pictures,
but it’s still an odd jumble of
features, whichever way you
look at it. I wish they had stuck
with the black bejewelled
fabric to below the knee, and
then let the lace poke out at
the hem or something. It was
also very tight, and I blame
the dressmakers, not the very
skinny girl.
Zooey Deschanel
Oh Zooey. Somehow you
look both elderly and
childish at the same time.
You can’t just collect beige
things you like and then
wear them all at once. We
may need to stage an
intervention and
confiscate – at the very
least – your hair flowers.
Zosia Mamet
Zosia Mamet is wearing a
beautiful dress. Zosia
Mamet. Is wearing. A
beautiful dress.
This calls to mind Art
Nouveau era ink drawings.
It’s just so…tasteful. It
must have happened by
accident.