THE ENEMIES OF INTIMACYRelationship 911 – Part 3

Message #1319Pastor Keith StewartMarch 12-13, 2016

   

1.  INTIMACY CHALLENGES “Marriage is neither heaven nor hell; it’s purgatory.”- Abraham Lincoln  Intimacy allows you to “into-me-see.”  …and the two shall be one.                                                         Ephesians 5.31b (Living Bible)  q  Bonding – “Square pegs in round holes”

  “Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring in a shop window. You may love it but when you get home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.”- Jean Kerr  q  Balancing – “I’ll let you be you, if you'll let me be me.” 

  “I believe it (youthful love) must always be lost in some way: every natural love has to be crucified before it can achieve resurrection. Happy old couples have come through a difficult death and rebirth. But far more have missed the rebirth.”- C.S. Lewis  “Getting married is like getting a phone call in the middle of the night, first you get the ring, then you wake up.”- Tim Kimmel 

 

 q  Blending – “Shall we dance?” 

  The Law of Entropy: Things that are isolated move toward deterioration.   q  Becoming – “To have and to hold from this day forward.” 

  “The mark of maturity is measured by the freedom to act independently and yet relate dependently.”  My people are destroyed because they don't know me....                                           Hosea 4.6   In Hebrew, the word “know” is the word is “yada.” It's used about 500 times in the OT.    Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain…                    Genesis 4.1 (KJV)

   2.  INTIMACY OBSTACLES q  The 50/50 plan  The spouse who says “I’ll meet you halfway” is usually a poor judge of distance.  “Each horse thinks his pack is the heaviest.”- Thomas Fuller  The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.  Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.                                                                                    1 Corinthians 7.3-4 (The Message)  Healthy relationships are built on mutual caring, not mutual needing.  Psychiatrist Allen Fay said that a patient once said to me, “Marriage is a 50/50 proposition, isn't it?” He said, “No, in marriage, each person has to do a little more than what he thinks his share is.”- Dr. Allen Fay, PRQ: Prescription for a Quality Relationship  “Bad math makes a good marriage.”   q  Death, taxes and troubles             “In marriages where a child died or was born with a disability, 70% of the couples separate or divorce within 5 years.”- Dr. Mavis Heatherington   q  Questioning reality but not our fantasies.  

“You know more about how they interact with you personally, but things like kindness, attentiveness, attractiveness are transitory, they are certainly not reliable predictors of their future behavior.  I'm sure you had those with your spouse when the relationship you're in right now began.”- Dr. Diane Medved, The Case Against Divorce “However, there is one value you know your partner holds, because it's been demonstrated:  He or she has no compunction about stealing someone out of a marriage.  Conversely, the first thing your new mate learned about you was that you were willing to be unfaithful.  He or she knows that you can be deceptive with the one you've promised to honor. That you're great with excuses. That you can be distracted away from commitment.”- Dr. Diane Medved, The Case Against Divorce   q  Not knowing or not expressing needs            No one can know what anyone else is really thinking except that person alone.                                                                             1 Corinthians 2:11a (New Living Translation)  Express it instead of expect it.