The Day of the Village Idiot

8/12/2019 The Day of the Village Idiot

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The Day of the Village Idiot

Written by Joel Leverton

Illustrated by Christine Avis


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The Day of the Village IdiotFirst published in Great Britain 2014

bySimplicity Personified Publications

Copyright Joel Leverton 2014

The moral right of the author has been asserted

Artwork courtesy of Christine Avis

ISBN 4-798-58978-4


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For Kaitlynn, Morrigan,Robin & Caleb


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In the age of the fairy, the goblin and ghoul,The age of the dragon and elf,I tell you the story of one village foolAnd how he promoted himself.

The fool was a man of talent and soul,His music would go on for days,He entertained hundreds to fill up his bowl

With money that people would pay.


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The fool he could dance, he could act, he couldsingA talented man indeed,He performed to the masses who would often briA picnic of bread rolls and mead.

The fool had one day discovered a dog,A tatty and battered old stray.He carried it off to his home in the bogAnd taught it to sit, beg and stay.


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For years they performed as a two man band,The people all cheered and cried,They screamed out for more, they all clapped thehandsAnd some gave them coins on the side.

He danced round and round with this dog he hafoundWho was deaf in his left ear and right,But though this poor mutt could not hear onesound

He got by quite well on his sight.


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Far away from the village they played in each daA much bigger problem was faced,The King and the Queen had both lost their way

And the Kingdom was almost disgraced.

Now theKingdom waspoorer than onemight have known,In fact it hadalmost run outOf the money they earned through the crops that

were grownBefore the disastrous drought.


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Alone in his room in the tower so highThe King was in torment of mind,Hed laugh and cry, hed growl and sigh To thinkwhy shed left him behind.

In his small little mind, his common sense goneHe started to think crazy things,Whys the sea deep? How cold is the sun? How come I dont have any wings?


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The King was insane, it was easy to tellHe was going around the bend,His mind was a mess, he was not at all well,He desperately needed a friend.

But where could they be, these friends of his?The guards had no real ideaAnd the King was so mad that the friends that hhadMight run away filled with fear.


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So the guards grabbed their horses and gallopedawayTo find a new friend for the King,They rode far and wide for many a dayTo carry a friend on their wing.

The first guard rode West as fast as he couldTo the town of Gurrumph-on-Lyne,He stayed at an inn and drank more than he shouOf their cider and whiskey and wine.


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The second guard left for the Eastern shoresTo the coastal town of Mabreath,Where the people who lived were unthinkable bAnd they talked their tourists to death.

But the second guard managed to avoid this pligAnd just by the skin of his teeth,For as he was riding, the town in his sightHis sword he was made to unsheathe.


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A man and his dog came dashing acrossThe plain on which he had come,And following them looking ever so crossWas a sight that made him go numb.

A dragon arose with horns on its noseA wrinkly, grizzly beast,With fur on his head and scales on his toes

And hungry for a luncheon feast.


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The guard gripped his sword and pointed it outAt the dragon who sputtered for breath,As the first amber flames of his mouth he did spAt the guard who was facing his death.

No sooner than this though a little old manAnd his wife came wandering by,And noticed the dragon as only one can

And exclaimed to themselves, My, my!


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What a hideous creature, his wife had declared And turned up her nose in disgust,He certainly is, the old man had shared, A lead on that thing is a must .

Before they could walk but a step or two moreThe dragon had bent down and blown,The flames of his fire burnt them right to the corAnd the fool and the guard were alone.

But it seemed that thebeast had now had itsfillOf flame grillingpassers by,He climbed to the topof a nearby hillAnd unsteadily took

to the sky.


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Now with this hubbub the small man approacHolding his dog in tow,

He looked at the guard before he encroachedAnd bowed to the man down low.

Oh lofty warrior, stron g and sureSo true and willing to fight,My dog and I bow down to the floorFor you saved our skins alright.

That dragon had chased us from pillar to postFrom here to there and back,

He tried to give me a good old roast And my dog he tried to char black.

But you saved the day you wonderful man And for that we owe you one,We will help you as best as we can

Until our repaymentis done.


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The guard looked at him with eyes of sky blueAnd smiled a toothy white grin,Old man , I wonder if I can take youTo see his Royal Highness the King?

The fool was shocked and leapt on the horseExcited to visit the King,Though why he knew not, nor what he would do

What to wear nor indeed what to bring.


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The guard rode at speed and the horse gallopedon,The fool clinging tight at the back,The dog came behind at a leisurely runThe dust hiding all of their tracks.

A day and a night they travelled fastTil the palace was in their sight,The first guard saw theyd returned at last And greeted them all with delight.


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The King is insane the first guard saidRecovering still from the booze,Hes wearin g his dinner on top of his headQuick! Theres no time to lose.

The three men all entered, as well as the dogTo look the King square in the face,But this was quite hard for a roasted hogOn his head was now in its place.

Your highness , murmured the second guardWeve guests for you to see . Be gone! cried the King

his voice coarse and hard,Im eating me pigging tea.


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But Highness its true, weve found an old man To watch as you live out your life,H ell make sure youre well as soon as he can

So you can return to your wife.

My wife! yelled the King ,The strumpet and cow!How awful a woman she is!

Shes married a prince in the Netherlands now And my castles smaller than his.

Your wife is in Kent with your mother -in-law,

She waits for your sense to return,So greet your new guest, take off that boar And let the oldman have his turn.


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The King raised the pig upoff his fat headAnd stared with disgust atthe fool,You enter my castle, onmy floors you tread!I challenge you to a duel!

This was not what the old man expectedA duel with the King was not good,Fighting was not an art he had perfectedNor something he thought that he should.

Your highness, he said, bowing low to the ground,Im sorry to trouble you so, It seems I was lost and now I am found

So if you dont mind Ishall go .


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No! Cried the King, his weapon he drewWhich happened to be a baguette,Well fight to the death, just me and you And we ll see whos the best King yet!

The fool stretched his arm for the nearest swordBut none he could find or see,And quickly he grabbed the roasted boarThat lay on the floor by his feet.

The King swiped his loaf on top of the foolBut the pig that was heldblocked the move,

The King made the bestthat he could of this duelFor his Kingship he neededto prove.


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But the fool, though quite old, was matching the KAnd jabbed with the hog left and right,Then with all of his strength gave a hefty swingAnd hit him with all of his might.

The King staggered backwards hard and farThe fool stepped forward with pride,Forced the pig ontothe Kings head quite hard And then ran away to hide.

The King was confused,bewildered and dazed,A cry he released from histhroat,

He staggered outside andfell from the topOf the castle and into themoat.


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The guards watched in horror, their hearts filledwith dreadAs the King fell so far and so fast,They knew for a fact that the madman was deadAnd these breaths that he took were his last.

With no one around to take the Kings place,

The guards put the crown on the fool,Then looked at each other and back at his faceAnd said to themselves,Hell do.

And so he was King of the land he knew well

And this is the story he wroteThe castle still stands where the idiot dwells,While the real King lies dead in the moat.


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The End

The Day of the Village Idiot

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