Ten Years of NLP.docx

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Ten Years of NLP:

Eight Keys to Personal Change

Bobby G. Bodenhamer, D.Min.

For the past thirteen years I have poured my life into learning Neuro-Linguisti!rogramming "NL!# and applying it in the therapeuti, teahing and $riting $orld. For thepast seven years, I have $or%ed $ith L. Mihael &all, !h.D. in developing the modelNeuro-'emaintis $hih is an advanement of the NL! model.

(ver these years I have had the honor of $or%ing $ith appro)imately *+ therapy lientsinvolving appro)imately hours of therapy. I have also had the uniue privilege ofteahing NL! at Gaston /ollege for the past eleven years. In addition I have taughtnumerous !ratitioner /ertifiation /ourses and Master !ratitioner /ourses. 0henumbers of one-session seminars I have led are too numerous to ount.

Needless to say, the past thirteen years have been uite eventful. 1hat a 2oy and privilegelife has afforded me $ith all the above e)perienes. 1ell, so $hat3 0hat is a uestion Ihave been as%ing myself. 'o $hat3 If I $ere to ta%e all the above and summari4e it do$nto its essene "aording to Bob of ourse#, ho$ $ould I summari4e $hat I have learnedinto one artile3

No$, sine the ma2or thrust of the $or% I do involves assisting therapy lients and lasspartiipants to$ard positive hange, I $ill diret the follo$ing remar%s to $hat I believe isthe essene of personal hange from the strutural vie$point of NL! and Meta-'tates asdeveloped my L. Mihael &all, !h.D. 1e all the merged fields of NL! and Meta 'tates,Neuro-'emantis. 1hat $ere the %ey elements in the lives of those ountless hundreds$hom it has been my privilege to $or% $ith that brought about positive hanges in theirlives3

Eight Key Structural Elements Involve in Personal Change:

In this artile I $ill provide the ground$or% by defining some basi beliefs $e have inNeuro-'emantis about 2ust 5ho$6 your brain $or%s. Note the $ord 5ho$.6 0hat $ord isimportant. In Neuro-'emantis $e plae prime importane on the mental proesses thatdetermine behavior. 1hat do you do inside your head in order to have a problem and$hat do you have to do inside your head in order to 5fi)6 your problem3 1hat %ind of
http://www.neurosemantics.com/nlp/ten-years-of-nlphttp://www.neurosemantics.com/nlp/ten-years-of-nlp


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pitures, feelings, sounds and $ord meanings do you need inside your head in order to dothe problem3 1hat %ind of pitures, feelings, sounds and $ord meanings do you need toativate in your head in order to not to have the problem3 By the $ay, $e believe thatbrains aren7t bro%en8 they 2ust run si% thought patterns really $ell. Indeed, the braindoesn7t are $hether or not you thin% yourself si% or $hether you thin% yourself $ell. 9ourbrain 2ust does $hat you tell it to do. 0his is $hat this artile is about. 0hose $ho hange

their thin%ing understand and aept these beliefs:

!" The #rain $rimarily $rocesses information from the outsie %orl through the fivesenses"9ou e)periene your $orld through $hat you see, hear, feel, smell and taste.No$, importantly to Neuro-'emantis, $e believe that $hen you re-present your $orld onthe sreen of your onsiousness, you utili4e the same programs involved in the event ofreall. 1hen you reall something you have seen before, you $ill reall it $ith a piture";isual#. 1hen you reall something you have heard before, you $ill reall it $ithremembered sounds "


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as very important to us $ill be very lose to our eyes visually. 0hey $ill often be verybright and olorful to let us %no$ this image is important.

E'ercise:'tep ba% and ta%e notie of the movie that you have reated inside your headthat depits your problem state. Note the piture of your problem. Is it a still piture or amovie piture3 Is it in olor or is it bla% and $hite3 Is the piture up and lose or is it far

off3 1hat about any sounds assoiated $ith your problem3 epresentation is, there is yet something more po$erful and more magialreferene. 0hat7s ho$ the brain $or%s. It starts $ith a referent e)periene, the event.


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'omething happens. 0hen $e re-present it on the sreen of our mind $ith the>epresentational 'ystem ";epresentation and oneptual meanings# it is $hat $e operate from.


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&igure )

It doesn7t matter ho$ aurately it maps "pereive# our present reality. 1e $ill operatefrom our pereptions as governed by our higher-level frames of mind. 0his means:

a"0hose that hange reogni4e the value of reating a map "pereption# that aurately,as far as symbolially possible, maps the present moment. 1e are a 5symboli lass of

life.6 1e do that $ith the ;


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patterns of thin%ing are 2ust habituated thought patterns that 5seem real6 beause theyhave beome unonsious and 5feel6 real. But, guess $hat3 0hey an hange.

No$, many have an 5invested6 interest in getting you to believe that these thought patternsare 5real6 and that you an do nothing about them. Don7t buy that limiting frame. 9ou anhange these thought patterns. 9ou an 5rene$ your mind.6 9ou an thin% on things that

are pure, 2ust, right, lovely, et. Indeed, you an thin% on anything you hoose to thin% on.Eust give yourself permission.

c" 0hey reogni4e that the $ords and images inside our heads are not 5real6 in the sensethat they are set in onrete C they are hangeable. 0hey are 2ust 5symbols6 of the e)ternal$orld. 1e have instruments that $ill detet the nerve ells and the neuro-transmitters thatallo$ one nerve ell to ommuniate $ith another nerve ell. &o$ever, an neuro-sientistgo inside the brain and findA measure a piture, a sound, a feeling or a $ord3 No, they are5abstrations6 of the mind hene our oneptual states that are generated at the momentof thought and then they disappear until $e thin% the thought again. Beause the imagesand $ord meanings inside our head are not 5real6 in the sense that they are set inonrete, they only have the reality $e give them.

/onsider this8 thin% of a mildly unpleasant memory and note $hat pops into your mind andho$ you feel. No$, thin% of a pleasant memory and notie $hat pops into your mind andho$ you feel. 1hih type thin%ing best serves you3 1hy $ould you $ant to 5reate6 animage and a thought inside your head that ma%es you feel bad3 &ave you ever thoughtabout 2ust not doing that anymore3


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6" The a%esome $o%er of ,no%ing the ifference #et%een associating anissociating" Before I e)plain this differene, onsider this simple e)erise. Imagineyourself $al%ing up to your refrigerator. 9ou open the refrigerator door. (ne inside therefrigerator you open the vegetable dra$er. Inside the vegetable dra$er you see a lemon.9ou ta%e out the lemon, lose the vegetable dra$er and then the refrigerator door. Lemonin hand, you $al% over to your %ithen abinet8 ta%e out a utting board and a %nife. 9ou

proeed to slie the lemon in half then you ta%e one of the halves and slie the half in halfand you have t$o-uarter slies of lemon. 9ou then pi% up one of the uarter slies oflemon and put it in your mouth and suee4e the lemon as you feel the lemon 2uie pouringinto your mouth. Is your mouth $atering 5as if6 you atually had a slie of lemon in yourmouth3 Most people7s mouth $ill $ater. 0his little e)erise illustrates that the braindoesn7t %no$ the differene bet$een $hat you imagine and $hat you are atuallye)periening in the present.

'imilarly, suppose $e onsiously or unonsiously imagine ourselves as a little boy orlittle girl ba% in our dysfuntional family. 'uppose $e reall hearing and seeing a parentsreaming at us. 1e hear them telling us ho$ stupid they believe $e are. &o$ do youthin% you $ould feel even though you are no$ a gro$n adult and not a hild3 9ou $ould

feel bad, $ouldn7t you3 0hat is $hat I mean by assoiating. eall a mildly painful memory.Get a piture of it. No$, in the piture note $hether or not you see yourself or you 2ust seethe other people and environment in that piture. If you do not see yourself, mentally, youhave assoiated ba% into that memory and you $ill tend to e)periene the same negativefeelings you had $hen you e)periened it.

No$, beause the brain does not %no$ the differene bet$een $hat you represent by

imagination or by urrent input "unless you inform it#, $hen you mentally plae yourselfba% into some painful memory, you $ill have negative feelings very similar to $hat youe)periened during that event. If you see yourself in that piture as the younger you, $eall that dissoiating. 1hen people say something li%e, 50hat doesn7t bother me anymore8 Ihave distaned myself from it.6 0hey have in fat dissoiated from the memory by seeingthemselves in the piture and by pushing the piture a$ay from their eyes so it is at adistane. 0his diminishes the feelings $hereas assoiating into a memory tends toinrease the feelings "for most people#.

1hen $e onsiously or unonsiously assoiate ba% into our past hurtful memories andoperate from the mental frames "oneptual meanings# that $e gave them, $e areonfusing the map $ith the territory. 1hen $e do this $e are living our adult lives inside

the painful e)perienes of hildhood. 0he thin%ing $e developed then served us then but itdoesn7t serve us in adulthood. If you find yourself:

"Eumping to /onlusions# generali4ation

"Being Narro$ Minded# entration

"!laying the 5blame game6# transdutive reasoning


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"!ersonali4ing# egoentrism

"Ma%ing mountains out of molehills.# indutive logi or astraphi4ing

"Bla% and $hite thin%ing# thin%ing in absolutes and

"Blo%ing out past positive e)amples.# irreversability

then you are operating from hildhood frames. Eohn Burton, @d.D. has an artile on theNeuro-'emantis7 $eb site that defines the thin%ing styles of hildren. 0he title of theartile is 5&ypnoti Language: 'olutions in a 1ord.6

If I $ere to list one ommon element of the problems that I have onfronted during thesethirteen years as a therapist, I $ould list assoiating into past painful memories. 0heproblem of unonsiously assoiating into hildhood problem states and bringing thatfor$ard into the adult $orld lies at the root of many problems that I see therapeutially.

Note: 9ou may have tried through years of reading andA or attending trainings to 5fi)6 yourthin%ing $ithout it $or%ing. @)periene has taught me that often times a person $ill needassistane in ativating these assoiated frames in order to bring them to onsious level.From there it beomes fairly easy to meta-state "apply a resoure state to the problemstate# and reframe them. But %no$ this, you an hange your thin%ing no matter ho$unonsious the problem state. If you do not %no$ $hether or not you are assoiating intosome past memory, you an bet you are doing 2ust that unonsiously if you are havingproblems $ith un$anted behaviors and thoughts.

@)erise: For many people to dissoiate "pop out of that memory and see themselves inthe event# an ma%e a profound hange. 'o, reall the event that triggered your problemstate. >eall the event by getting a piture of it. No$, as you loo% at the piture, do you see

yourself in the piture or do you 2ust see the other person"s# and the surrounding people ifothers $ere there ta%e note of the physial plae $here you $ere at that time.

If you do not see yourself that means that you are realling the painful memory assoiated.0his means that your brain is telling your body that you are still there e)periening thatpainful e)periene no$ in the present. 'o, pop out of that painful memory and see yourselfin the memory.

you pop out and see yourself there, note that you are vie$ing it from another perspetive.9ou are vie$ing it from the 5no$6 $hih means that you an bring the resoures of yourpresent life $ith all the subseuent learnings to bear on that event.


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7"Peo$le %ho change ,no% ho% to a$$ly higher meta1level states to lo%er level$ro#lems"


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&igure 2

!lay $ith your brain. Get a thought of anger. No$, apply to your anger the thought offorgiveness. 0a%e the same anger and apply the thought of love. 1hat about ta%ing youranger and applying the thought of almness to it, $hat happens3 1ould you have everguessed ho$ easy you ould hange your states of mind by applying one thought toanother thought3

@very time $e ta%e a thought and apply another thought to it, the original thought $illmodulate or hange in some $ay. 1e all this Meta-'tating applying one thought toanother thought.


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. No$, aess a resoure state C a thought-feeling that one you apply to the problemstate $ill hange and maybe even eliminate it. In our e)ample above $e applied faith andourage to fear. 1hat thought-feeling state of mind an you aess no$ that one it isapplied to the problem state, $ill positively hange and maybe even eliminate the problemthought-state3

. 'tep into the resoure state "#. Be totally in it e)periening it. 0hen, apply theresoure state to the problem state.

4o% to o it 8

1hat happens $hen you bring the resoure state to bear or apply it to the problem state3&aving trouble3 If so, thin% of your problem state. &old it in mind. No$, put that thoughtaside.


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&irst Position

1hen you assoiate into your o$n body, you live in first position. 0his permits you to loo%at the $orld from your o$n vie$point. In the first position, you do not ta%e into aountanyone else7s position. 9ou simply thin%, 5&o$ does this onversation or ommuniationaffet me36

First position is the normal and healthy position of seeing, hearing, and feeling from out ofself. It is the position needed in order to spea% $ith authentiity, to present yourself, yourthoughts, feelings, and responses ongruently, to dislose, listen, inuire, and be present$ith another. 1hen you visually reall a memory and do not see yourself in the piture,you are assoiated into that memory C you are 5inside6 that memory loo%ing through youreyes, hearing the sounds and feeling the feelings as if there.

Secon Position

1hen you are in seond position, you are 5$al%ing in the other person7s shoes.6 9ou ta%einto onsideration ho$ a ommuniation or event $ould loo%, feel and sound from anotherperson7s point of vie$. In the seond position, you imagine yourself entering the otherperson7s body. In this position you imagine loo%ing at yourself through their eyes. 'eondposition is to understand, feel $ith, e)periene empathy for and see things from another7spoint of vie$. &ere you7ll feel in aord $ith the other and have a strong sense of his or herpereptive.

1hat do you loo% li%e, sound li%e and $hat feelings do you get from the other person7svie$point of you3 In the seond position you develop the ability in e)periening empathy.0his position gives muh fle)ibility $hen involved in onflit $ith someone. From theseond position you an appreiate ho$ they feel about your onversation and behavior.Build rapport before going seond position.


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>obert Dilts"JJ# speified the Fourth !ereptual !osition in his boo% /hanging Belief'ystems $ith NL!. &e defined the Fourth !osition as 51e6 C from the perspetive of thesystem. Many refer to it as the 5'ystems6 !osition. In this position, $e have 5assoiated inthe perspetive of the $hole system.6 0o ta%e fourth position, step aside and adopt theperspetive of the $hole system so that you an there onsider $hat $ould ontribute tothe best interest of the system. In the fourth position, everyone in the system is ta%en

aount of. < uestion to as% is, 51hat are my plae, responsibility and position in thissystem3 < linguisti format for this position goes: 5If $e onsider our ommon goals6 0hefourth position "'ystems !osition# allo$s us to understand the onte)ts "ultural, linguisti,business, family, et.# that influene all of the larger systems and onte)ts of our $orld.

In using this for myself, I have modified it some$hat. Dilt7s model alls for assoiating intothe system. I first assoiate into the system and then go to the third position to vie$ob2etively my position in relation to others in the team. 0hen I go seond position to eahperson in the team and then ba% to the assoiated systems position. I rotate ba% andforth through these positions as I deem neessary. I have found this most useful as haveother lients that I have oahed.

&ifth Position

Marilyn


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By ta%ing this meta-position to everything, $e an then learn to ta%e on multiple pereptualpositions and even hange rapidly bet$een them. Doing so inreases our fle)ibility ofonsiousness so that $e don7t get stu% in any one position.

I love the fifth position for therapeuti purposes. For people $ho hold spiritual beliefs, theirfifth position is ultimately in their spiritual plae.


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over-influened by other people7s vie$s. In my NL! lasses, after I e)plain the seondposition, and ho$ those $ho live in seond position tend to let the state of othersdetermine their state, I say, 5'eond position funtions as the position of o-dependeny.6Eust about every time I do this, sighs ome from students as they reali4e $hat and ho$they have aused themselves to allo$ others to ontrol their states.

< person stu% in third position $ould beome detahed and unfeeling. (thers pereivethese people as 5old hearted.6 Indeed, I have found that those $ho live in third positionfind themselves as the loners of the $orld. Many, but not all, also $ill have theharateristis of the person $ho lives in a $orld of $ords. 0hese people provide soietyits thin%ers and philosophers. Living life detahed permits a person to analy4e ob2etively.

@veryone moves from one position to the other. For most, moving from one position toanother flo$s $ith everyday life. 0he ability to move from one to the other, eitheronsiously or unonsiously, permits one to at $ith $isdom and respond appropriately.By moving among the three pereptual positions, you $ill add rihness and hoie to youronversations.

E'ercise: E'ercise: Perce$tual Positions

!. >eall the problem state and be in it for 2ust a moment. 1e $ill soon 5leave6 there.

(. &irst Position 8


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6. &ifth Position 8No$ move to the fifth position $ay out in the universe, all the $ay out$ith God if you have that belief. Go $ay out in the universe "$ith God# vie$ing thee)periene of your problem from this position, ho$ does the situation hange from thatposition3 &o$ do you feel3 Do you feel more rela)ed and alm being $ay out there3

If you believe in God or some ?niversal Being, ho$ do you feel being in the presene of

God3 1hat happens to the tension, fear, an)iety, et assoiated $ith the problem statebeing in the presene of deity3

Note: Many $ho have overome their problems have found the +thth !osition most peopleare very rela)ed and alm $hih provides the proper state for resolving their problems.'ine learning that state of mind, I have found it most useful not only in solving mypersonal problems but in deision ma%ing as $ell. 0o my %no$ledge, I have never made abad deision $hen I leave my body $ith its problem state "dissoiate C nd !osition# andgo out and be $ith Eesus and from there loo% ba% and see myself from &is perspetive"+th !osition#. 0his position $ill serve you $ell. 1hy3 1hen you are inside "assoiated#into your higher values, beliefs, et. represented by your +th position, you ma%e greathoies and you $ill find it easy to let go of hurt, anger, guilt, bitterness, et.!osition

e)tremely helpful. 0hey learn ho$ to go there at $ill through onsistent pratie. In the +

I enourage the reader to 5proess6 the materials found in this artile.


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Note: Permission to 0e$rint - !ermission is granted to reprint and distribute this artileas long as it is distributed in total inluding the information about the author.

>uthor

Bobby G. Bodenhamer, D.Min.

The Institute of Neuro1Semantics+K /eelia DrGastonia, N/ +H!hone *H-KH-++Fa) *H-KH-+H+

bobbybodenhameryahoo.omhttp:AA$$$.neurosemantis.om

Dr. Bodenhamer first trained for the ministry, earned a dotorate in Ministry, and servedfive hurhes as pastor. &e is presently serving as pastor of a small hurh in Gastonia,N/. &e began NL! training in JJ, studying $ith Dr. Gene >ooney of L.@.

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