Some Far-Off Foreign Field

8/6/2019 Some Far-Off Foreign Field

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SOME FAR-OFF FOREIGN FIELD

SYNOPSIS FOR 90' FILM SCRIPT

by

Nick Yapp and Neil Raphael




OUTLINE

SOME FAR-OFF FOREIGN FIELD is the story of a wager on the outcome of an

Anglo-French cricket match at ST BOSANQUET, a small village in Northern

France. The original wager was made in 1789, but the match was

postponed owing to the arrival of the 'sans culottes'.

Two hundred years later, the wager is taken up again, with consequences

that take both teams and both governments by surprise.




OUTLINE AND SYNOPSIS

PROLOGUE

1.1 EXTERIOR: QUAINT VILLAGE.

A short, fat old man is scything the outfield of what is clearly a

village cricket field. There is a small scoreboard and pavilion at the

edge. Although the scythe is twice his height, the ANCIENT is making an

expert job of cutting the grass. This scene should suggest to the

audience that this is an idyllic picture of rural England.

1.2 A car screeches to a halt by the side of the ground. A 30-year

old man, athletic and handsome, leaps from the car and runs across the

field, towards the camera, joining a tall, thin, angular, elderly

priest.

1.3 The camera pulls back to the dark interior of a house where an

elderly man is in bed, his doctor in attendance. The bedridden man has

an injury to the head. We hear the door to the house open and close,

footsteps hurrying upstairs, the young man bursts in followed by the

priest.

1.4 Only now, when they speak in French - with English subtitles - dowe realise that we are not in England but in France. The man, JEAN-LUC

goes to the bed and takes the hand of the bedridden man, his father the

35th COMTE DE GOUGLIE. The DOCTOR reports that, following a cricketing

accident, the COMTE has been comatose for some hours: but, last night,

there had been various ramblings - about the French Revolution, his son

and family honour, La France and repeated requests to see the CURE (the

priest). The DOCTOR also tells JEAN-LUC the end is imminent: JEAN-LUC

begins to cry. The CURE seeks to comfort him.

1.5 The moment the COMTE hears the CURE's voice he sits bolt upright

and grips JEAN-LUC's arms, staring straight into his eyes. He gasps one

word which sounds like 'Lourdes'. And then falls back, dead.

DOCTOR: (QUIZZICAL, TO CURE) Lourdes?!

CURE: (SHAKES HEAD) Pas 'Lourdes'! Lords!!

CUT TO....



....TITLES OVER

2.1 Establishing shots of LORDS CRICKET GROUND, London. It is clearly

a big day, big match, large crowds. Over the PA system we hear a

cultured voice welcoming the visitors to Lords and the Test Match. The

camera pans across the ground to fix on a Hospitality Box. Here we see

SELINA and JEREMY, hosting a group of awful Marketing Managers.

SELINA ASHHURST - Thirty years old, stylish, beautiful and

Head of a PR firm whose speciality is Sports Promotion.

She is clearly not very interested in the cricket but

excels at her job.

JEREMY BREMNER - Thirty-ish, Selina's assistant and

fiancee. In this sequence we see that he is passionately

fond of cricket, chauvinistic in his support for England

and devoid of a sense of humour.

2.2 Overall we hear no conversation but shots of the Hospitality Box

are intercut with actions and sounds of the cricket - willow on leather,

roars of the crowd, applause, comments etc.

OUT OF TITLE CREDITS AND TO....

3.1 VILLAGE OF ST BOSANQUET-SUR-PLANCHER, NORTHERN FRANCE.

THE GRAVEYARD.

The COMTE's coffin is lying in the grave. JEAN-LUC throws in a

handful of soil, and then two gravediggers shovel earth on the coffin.

JEAN-LUC walks away arm in arm with his MOTHER, and accompanied by the

CURE and the DOCTOR. While they walk together, various villagers nod

sympathetically and respectfully to JEAN-LUC, the new COMTE.

The CURE now dangles an anecdotal carrot before JEAN-LUC. The story

begins in 1789, in pre-Revolutionary France; JEAN-LUC's ancestor, the

31st COMTE DE GOUGLIE, being a keen sportsman, built this cricket

field,- indicating it as they pass. At that time, cricket was the

national sport among French aristos; and to foster Anglo-French

relations through sport, the COMTE issued a challenge to the DUKE OF

SUSSEX to bring over an English team for the first ever international

cricket match. In July of that year, the English team arrived at ST

BOSANQUET and the village provided a lavish banquet for them......



3.2 THE POST-FUNERAL MEAL, AT THE DE GOUGLIE CHATEAU.

In a large room, the village notables are sitting at a table and are

halfway through a splendid meal. Enticed by the Cure's story at the

graveyard, JEAN-LUC presses him to continue his account: The Revolution

was now in full swing and the banquet was interrupted by a rout of

scythe-wielding 'sans culottes'. The English arsitos fled but not

before a wager had been struck and documented. It is this wager that

JEAN-LUC must attend to......

3.3 THE CRICKET FIELD, ST BOSANQUET. SAME DAY, SUNSET.

The CURE and JEAN-LUC (cricket bat and ball in hands) are joined by

the MAYOR. In the background, the ANCIENT obsessively scythes the

field. The CURE says it is propitious (one might almost see the hand of

God at work) that the responsibility to pick up this wager has passed to

JEAN-LUC, the first great cricketing DE GOUGLIE in two hundred years and

captain of the French national side. JEAN-LUC is now hooked and wants

to know the details of the wager. While the CURE explains, JEAN-LUC is'knocking in' his bat, tapping a cricket ball up and down, over and over

again. This mildly annoys the CURE, who thinks JEAN-LUC is not

concentrating. The CURE stresses the terms of the wager: 1000 English

gold sovereigns against 100 sous and ownership of the St Bosanquet

cricket field.

CURE: If the English win - please stop doing that,

my son - this (INDICATING THE FIELD), will

become a part of France that is forever

England.

JEAN-LUC CONTINUES TO PAT THE CRICKET BALL

CONTEMPLATIVELY.

MAYOR: As will your home...your heritage.

HE INDICATES JEAN-LUC'S HOUSE, THE ENTIRE VILLAGE,

THE WHOLE OF FRANCE IN AN EXPANSIVE SWEEPING

GESTURE.

JEAN-LUC STOPS PATTING THE BALL. HE THROWS IT TO THE

MAYOR, INDICATING THAT HE WANTS IT THROWN BACK TO

HIM. THE MAYOR OBLIGES. JEAN-LUC STYLISHLY WHACKS

THE BALL EASILY ACROSS THE ENTIRE FIELD, AS IF FOR 6

RUNS. DECISIVELY, HE TURNS TO THE CURE AND NODS.



THE CURE - Thin, elderly, but with a razor sharp mind.

There is a touch of the clown about him (a la John Cleese)

which he presents to the world. Inside, he is an astute manager of

people and situations.

THE MAYOR - Mid-forties, he is a Law Professor at a nearby

University. Academic, big-boned and big-nosed (a touch of

Gerard Depardieu) and a strong presence.

4.1 ENGLAND. A SOLICITOR'S OFFICE IN BEDFORD ROW, LONDON.

The letter from JEAN-LUC has arrived on crested notepaper, and SELINA

and her SOLICITOR are discussing it. SELINA believes it to be a prank.

SOLICITOR says that he will make inquiries.

4.2 SELINA'S FLAT. THAT EVENING.

SELINA is preparing a meal. JEREMY arrives. She drops the letter

into the conversation, and says that at first she thought he might be

behind a prank; but she remembered he doesn't have a sense of humour.JEREMY's attitude is that it can't be genuine: in his transatlantic PR-

speak says, "what do the French know about cricket, they don't have the

mind-set ?!"

4.3 SELINA'S OFFICE. NEXT DAY.

SELINA is at her desk, JEREMY in attendance. The phone rings. It is

SELINA's solicitor. He tells her the letter is genuine. She puts the

phone down, and smiles - the suggestion being that she is becoming

intrigued. She picks up the letter - significantly in her in-tray -

looks at it and is formulating her next move. Whereupon JEREMY grabs

the phone eager to take up the challenge. He sees this as an

opportunity to put the French (their cheeses, their bloody TGV, their

damn designer Socialism, etc) in their place.

JEREMY dials. The phone is answered. Only then does JEREMY remember

that he doesn't have a word of their 'bloody' lingo. SELINA, laughing,

takes the phone from him and converses fluently in French with JEAN-LUC.

JEREMY fumes in the background, unable to understand but repeatedly

trying to dictate terms. Via a split-screen technique, JEAN-LUC

responds in excellent English. He too is intrigued. A date will be



fixed. He looks forward to meeting her (there is a slight echo of the

creaking Cointreau ad).

5.1 INTERIOR: CAR SPEEDING ALONG FRENCH LANES HEADING TOWARDS ST

BOSANQUET.

From camera angle on rear window, we see backs of heads of JEREMY,

SELINA, and HUGH and SEBASTIAN (JEREMY's two lieutenants). From

snatches of conversation it is clear that the three men are the

spearhead of the English team. JEREMY is now in high spirits at the

impending opportunity to teach the French upstarts a severe lesson as

the hours of battle and triumph approach. SELINA is thoughtful. JEREMY

and his fellow cricketers verbally rubbish St Bosanquet and what they

expect to find. Car passes village sign: ST BOSANQUET-SUR-PLANCHER.

HUGH - A young version of Dudley Moore. Keen, lively,

accident-prone but very public school about it, and

competitive towards SEBASTIAN. In fact, they compete as

much with each other as they do the opposition, much to

JEREMY's annoyance.

SEBASTIAN - A young version of Peter Cook. More languid

than HUGH - forever peering down on him physically and

metaphorically.

5.2 We cut to a long shot from outside the car, and see that JEREMY's

car is but one of a convoy of smart German cars - Golfs, BMW's, Audi's,

which prompts....

6.1 The ANCIENT, still with scythe, seeing the cars approach, hobbles

round corner to the village square where a small welcoming crowd is

gathered, and hisses, "Les Boches arrivent!"

6.2 As the cars turn into the square, we view the following scene

through the villagers' eyes. French protocol insists that the (fairly

tatty) red carpet is laid out for the visitors. We view the occupants

of each car getting out in turn. JEREMY's BMW is first; and he, HUGH

and SEBASTIAN get out holding their weapons (bats) and striking semi-

heroic poses. The villagers are awed, and a few even clap. The

applause increases markedly as SELINA swings her gorgeous legs out of

the car into the sunshine; when she gets out there are approving gasps.



Focus on the second car. Although it is a hot day all its windows are

closed. As the doors open there are plumes of smoke followed by a

quartet of green-faced Oxbridge undergrads, and then the driver, a red-

faced THORNTON RILEY, lighting a new cigarette from the stub of the

previous one.

Car 3 has two or three advertising flashes about it marked 'MWT -

Properties Home and Abroad'. Out steps its single occupant, MARCUS

WOODROW TAYLOR.

Finally, car 4 has two people: PERCY, white-haired, stiff- jointed and

very affable, and clearly delighted at everything he sees; and BORTH, a

stocky and cocky Welsh windbag, hands perpetually in pockets, and the

only professional cricketer in the party (Merionithshire 1978).

Spotlight on JEREMY who snorts with self-satisfaction - the welcome is

as he predicted, complete with 'garlicky' village band (accordion,

clarinet, Souzaphone and drum) well out of synch.

6.3 Whilst the MAYOR steps forward to make a speech, we close in on

JEAN-LUC and SELINA, who have their first chance to size one another up

and down; both are clearly pleased with what they see. Within the heart

of the MAYOR's speech is a welcome to the English team that stresses

that this match will be no pushover: "Our captain JEAN-LUC has assembled

a formidable team of cricket talents". There are some English chuckles

and smirks at this. One or two players have wandered to the side of

the cricket field and are impressed; in fact, it is the epitome of

'village cricket' which they have seen fast disappearing in the English

conurbations. The MAYOR concludes his speech by announcing a SouperChampetre that evening in the village. The visitors are allocated to

their respective village hosts and go off to their lodgings.

7.1 THE SOUPER CHAMPETRE. EVENING.

Establishing shots show a magnificent feast. The naievety of the

English contrasts with the perfidy of the French (conducted by the MAYOR

and the CURE). The English are being plied with food and drink by their

hosts. Some are more receptive than others.

THORNTON RILEY is eating nothing, drinking everything and chain-

smoking; and, via slurred speech, he exhibits great bonhomie. This is

what life is all about.

The Oxbridge quartet are being caroused by the prettiest girls in the

village.

A couple of locals are showing MARCUS WOODROW TAYLOR an exemplary

series of regional property photos. They offer to take him to see some

in the morning.

The local 'SOUS-MAITRESSE' is visiting each of the English in turntrying to sell her wares. She finds no takers until she alights upon



PERCY. He doesn't understand what she wants, but is keen to try

anything.

And in time-honoured fashion, the CURE is cycling round and round the

tables on a comic bicycle - the front wheel is not centrally fastened so

that the bike bobs up and down as he pedals along. The CURE smiles,

nods and encourages all.

7.2 We close in on a group at the centre of a long trestle table. It

consists of the MAYOR, JEAN-LUC, SELINA and JEREMY. Quietly and

confidentially, and in his academic capacity, the MAYOR reveals another

clause in the wager, and he briefly sketches a history lesson: back in

1789, the COMTE, fearing the worst excesses of the Revolution, suggested

to the DUKE OF SUSSEX that their two families should be united, and the

COMTE's daughter was to be betrothed to the DUKE's son.

SELINA greatly amused. JEREMY darkly suspicious. JEAN-LUC also

amused, but there is subtle suggestion that he would more seriously

entertain the idea. SELINA says, "But of course that would never happen

today !"; although the feeling we get is that she is beginning to fall

under the spell of the night, the wine, JEAN-LUC. The MAYOR, straight-

faced, replies that it is part of a documented wager. The CURE passes

behind on his bicycle; and at this point, one - just the first ? - of

the English visitors slumps from his chair.

And meanwhile, out on the field, the ANCIENT 'grim reaper' still

scythes.

8.1 ST BOSANQUET. MIDDLE OF NIGHT.

The Oxbridge quartet are being caroused by a second shift of village

girls, who are being chased in and out of houses, round the trees in the

village square, etc.

8.2 THORNTON RILEY - a glowing cigarette, a rasping cough, and the

sound of an immense torrent of piss coming from behind a tree. He comes

out from behind the tree and picks up his wine glass.

8.3 BORTH at table. He is still eating, slowly and conscientiously.

9.1 ST BOSANQUET. EARLY NEXT MORNING, EXTERIOR.

Tracking shot of the debris of last night's feast. A head is face

down in a plate of food, BORTH's. Against a background of snoring, wehear a cock crow. The English are in post- celebratory disarray.



9.2 As befits the captain, JEREMY is up first, checking on his team

members. He bumps into the Oxbridge quartet and is pleased at their

keenness, says 'well done', and moves on. At which point, the third

shift of village girls bursts into view and the well prick-teased and

knackered Oxbridge four take up their pursuit.

9.3 JEREMY continues his tour, knocking up the team as he goes. He

calls on MARCUS who is having a hearty breakfast. Again offering a

'well done', a satisfied JEREMY goes on. After which, MARCUS leaves the

dining room to go to his car where the two locals from last night wait

for him. All get in car, which moves off.

9.4 JEREMY bumps into THORNTON sitting outside the village bar,

routinely none the worse for the night before. He is eating breakfast

and is ordering a 'cafe cognac, sans cafe'. JEREMY tells him net

practice is at half-ten. THORNTON lights a duty free and raises a

glass.

9.5 JEREMY cannot find PERCY, who is missing presumed not- that-

important, but the real problem is in rousing HUGH and SEBASTIAN. They

really overdid it the night before and are in bed in dreadful states.

JEREMY gives them a rocket and tells them they have half an hour to set

a better example and get to net practice. JEREMY continues his tour of

village.

9.6 JEREMY is approached by an elderly local woman who tells him in

rapid French, (which he doesn't understand - but is sub- titled) that

SELINA was supposed to sleep at her house. However, the bed was not

slept in; the inference being that SELINA sleeping at JEREMY's lodging

is disapproved of in St Bosanquet.

Then, the old woman sees SELINA and JEAN-LUC, a hundred yards off,

slowly walking across the meadow, SELINA with flowers entwined in her

gorgeous hair. The old woman points at them, now clearly delighted at

the thought that JEAN-LUC and SELINA spent the night together. JEREMYlooks round...but SELINA and JEAN-LUC, unaware of the interest in them,

have ducked down behind the hedgerow. JEREMY looks, but, too late, he

sees nothing and turns back. The woman smiles as she now sees SELINA

stand up again.

This time JEREMY turns round to see SELINA, who is then suddenly pulled

down by JEAN-LUC. JEAN-LUC's head then appears, frowning. He, too, is

pulled down. Then, both heads appear, trying to look innocent. JEREMY,

angry, storms off towards them across the field.



9.7 JEREMY striding across the field in pursuit of SELINA and JEAN-LUC

to face them down. As he closes in on them, he is suddenly waylaid by

the CURE, whose head also pops up over the hedge; all the steam is taken

out of him. The CURE invites JEREMY to join the party that is about to

go to a bank in the nearby town of Fess-Poilues for the pre-arranged

viewing of the original wager.

10.1 FESS-POILUES. THE MAIN STREET.

JEREMY, JEAN-LUC, SELINA and the CURE entering La Banque, where they

they are met by the Mayor and the BANK MANAGER. They are taken to the

vaults, where, on a shelf covered in dust, they are shown the box

containing the documents relating to the wager. Significantly, there is

no dust on the box.

The box is opened by JEAN-LUC. He is clearly not familiar with the

contents. The CURE and the MAYOR step forward and search through the

box. They appear horrified. Something is missing. The documents

relating to the wager are there, as is the bag of 100 sous; but there is

no sign of the 1000 sovereigns. Instead there is a promisory note tied

with a crimson ribbon, which, being in English, they pretend they

cannot read. SELINA reads what turns out to be her ancestor's

handwriting, with some emotion. Fearing the Revolutionary worst, the

DUKE OF SUSSEX took his sovereigns back to London where they were to be

safely invested in the HORSHAM FUND.

SELINA is amused yet intrigued. JEAN-LUC smiles and says the terms of

the wager have been broken, but maybe the match can go ahead. SELINA

says all the terms can still stand and produces her VISA card. JEAN-LUCsmiles again at her pluck - "all the terms ?", and ties the crimson

ribbon round her wrist. JEREMY now pushes his face in; his attitude is

that all this is an attempt by French to wriggle out of the cricket

match. He insists that everything goes ahead; the CURE and MAYOR

happily note his insistence. The CURE makes his excuses to leave for

it is Sunday and he has to take Mass.

As they reach the Bank door, a red BMW Cabriolet has pulled up directly

outside and an elegant pin-striped woman gets out. As the group exits

the Bank, the MAYOR remains inside and the PIN STRIPE enters the Bank.

10.2 OUTSIDE BANQUE. ACROSS STREET.

MARCUS WOODROW TAYLOR looking in window of Immobilisier. His

attentive hosts are still with him and are pointing out properties for

him to view.

In background we see the group leave Banque. They do not see MARCUS.

11.1 ST BOSANQUET. LATER THAT MORNING.

SELINA, JEREMY, JEAN-LUC and the CURE arrive back in the village in

the CURE's ricketty 2CV. He parks near the church. JEREMY hurries

across to the badly hungover HUGH and SEBASTIAN who are lethargicallypractising on the cricket field. He is now a man with a mission other



than cricket; he tells them to get the team together PDQ, whilst he

attends to something else.

11.2 JEREMY goes to his car in the village square, drives it round to

a secluded area and dials on his car-phone. He is phoning England to a

stockbroker friend: What is the Horsham Fund?!

12.1 A SERIES OF INTERCUT SCENES, ALTERNATING BETWEEN FRANCE AND

ENGLAND.

IN FRANCE IN ENGLAND

A. JEAN-LUC with SELINA in his A. First of a series of phone

father's house, the room over- calls. JEREMY's friend calls looking

the cricket field. An a MERCHANT BANKER.

emotional scene in which he

explains that the cricket

match is important for him

personally. A gift from a

prodigal son to a much-loved,

but now deceased, father.

JEAN-LUC says that he believes

SELINA understands his emotion.

She must feel it too. Her

ancestors are also involved.

B. JEREMY back on field trying B. MERCHANT BANKER calls

to drive his tired team (minus FINANCIAL ADVISOR to the errant PERCY

and MARCUS) Treasury. What is the Horsham

to practice. THORNTON in net, Fund?

batting, looking for and

demanding an ashtray.

C. The CURE in church, berobed C. The FINANCIAL ADVISOR to



and about to deliver the sermon the Treasury calls the

to a rapt and eager audience. ASSISTANT GOVERNOR to the

His text is the Parable of the Bank of England. What is the

Eleven Foolish Virgins. The Horsham Fund?

audience do not miss the point.

D. MARCUS visiting the first D. ASSISTANT GOVERNOR hedges. grotty

property. "Horsham Fund? What Horsham

Fund?! Never heard of it!"

Simultaneously, he reaches

over to another phone on his

desk and presses a button.

IN FRANCE IN ENGLAND

E. A DESK TOP. Papers on desk

suggest we are now in a very

high place - 11 Downing

Street. Phone on desk rings.

A well-tailored sleeve, a

sharply-turned cuff with a

well-manicured hand reach out

to answer the ringing phone.

13.1 ST BOSANQUET. INTERIOR: CHURCH.

CURE is now giving Holy Communion. Breaking the respectful silence is

the muffled ring of a portable phone. The CURE smiles. The

congregation smiles. The CURE puts down the chalice and exits to the

vestry.



13.2 THE VESTRY.

From the folds of his cassock, the CURE extracts a slimline portable

phone - definitely state-of-the-art - and answers it. He listens;

murmurs 'd'accord' a couple of times and finishes the conversation and

puts the phone back in his cassock. This has clearly been good news.

Suddenly, he punches the air in extremis delecta, gives thanks to God

and crosses himself; then recomposes himself and walks quietly back into

the body of the Church.

14.1 ST BOSANQUET. LUNCHTIME, SAME DAY.

After Mass. Continuing their impressive hospitality, the French lay

the tables under the trees by the cricket pitch with splendid food and

fine wine. But, after the excesses of the previous night, the English

have no stomach for food. On the contrary, at JEREMY's orders, it is

the English who now ply the French with wine, urging them to drink

heavily. The English, save THORNTON who is working his way through a

case of Entre- Deux-Mers, stick to l'eau minerale. The plan works. TheFrench become increasingly tipsy. JEREMY, SEBASTIAN and HUGH are well

pleased at the new turn of events and the woeful condition of the

opposition. SELINA, however, is not happy. This is underhand and she

tells JEREMY so. JEAN-LUC overhears and is also not happy; but he also

has something else clearly on his mind that he is trying to convey to

SELINA.

14.2 The old village woman comes over to JEREMY. Eventually, through

sign language, she communicates to him that his car- phone is ringing.

JEREMY leaves table and hurries away. JEAN- LUC still trying to tell

SELINA something important.

14.3 At this time a luxury coach passes the field and pulls into the

village square. The villagers all rush to it. SELINA looks at JEAN-

LUC, intrigued: sheepishly, JEAN-LUC goes towards the coach followed by

SELINA.

Some seconds later, a red BMW Cabriolet passes through the village

square; the same elegant PIN STRIPE woman is at the wheel.

14.4 The coach disgorges its passengers - the real French team. Six

cloned, moustachioed Frenchman, strongly reinforced by four ex-pats:VIJAY BOXWALLAH (slow left arm, ex-Bengali, now French, sous-chef):

'DUTCH' STOTTLEMEYER (ex-pro baseball batter and now Paris correspondent

of the Herald Tribune and husband of French Government official);

'ROCKET' ROD MULDOON (lightning fast bowler and Aussie-born naturalised

French mime artist resplendent in white shirt, flannels and face); and

STAFFORD HEATHCLIFF (Yorkshire Tourist Board representative in Clerment

Ferraud, square-jawed Tyke and just the man for a quick fifty in five

days). Clearly the English will have their work cut out.

15.1 JEREMY AT HIS CAR.

JEREMY IS ANSWERING THE PHONE, TO A DRY AND MONOTONE



VOICE.

VOICE: Am I speaking to Mr Jeremy Bremner, sir?

JEREMY: Yes.

VOICE: Are you alone, sir?

JEREMY: Yes ! What? Who is this ?

VOICE: This is Superintendent Smedley of the Special

Branch, and I believe, sir, you have been

inquiring as to the Horsham Fund?

JEREMY: Yes. Yes.

VOICE: Er, where are you?

JEREMY: In France! St Bosanquet!

VOICE: Oh, shit! (ASIDE) The prat's in France. (BACK

TO JEREMY) Stay right where you are. Don't

move. (JEREMY AS THOUGH ABOUT TO RAISE HANDS)

Don't do anything except cancel the match!

JEREMY: Certainly not. What do policemen know about

cricket?

VOICE: I know we always lose to the effing West

Indians.

JEREMY: Well, we're not losing this time. It's in the

bag.

JEREMY SLAMS DOWN PHONE, GETS OUT OF CAR. JUST THEN

HE SPOTS THE COACH WITH ALL THE FUSS AROUND IT. HE'S

NOT SURE WHAT'S GOING ON, AND HE LOOKS ANXIOUS.

16.1 ST BOSANQUET. EDGE OF FIELD.

SELINA IS ROUNDING ON JEAN-LUC, ACCUSING HIM OF



MACHIAVELLIAN TRICKERY.

SELINA: This is not fair. This isn't the way we

planned it.

JEAN-LUC: But I've been trying to tell you.

16.2 JEREMY comes marching across. Walking awkwardly, sideways and

backwards to take in what he sees, he registers that this is the actual

French team. They are all superbly attired in whites and are attending

to their pads, bats, boxes, etc.

JEREMY SWEEPS UP TO SELINA.

JEREMY: Come on, Selina. If that's the way they want

to play it...

SELINA, CLOSE TO TEARS OF RAGE, GOES OFF WITH

JEREMY. JEAN-LUC, HEAD DOWN, JOINS THE FRENCH TEAM.

17.1 THE ENGLISH CAMP. THE 'HENRY V' SEQUENCE.

HUGH and SEBASTIAN are enthusing about the quality of the wicket the

French have prepared; and BORTH, the pro, points out they are two men

short. JEREMY doesn't want to hear any of this and is now very strong.JEREMY (a la HENRY V) begins to inspire his team, saying they're still

good enough to beat the French.

At which point PERCY blithely rolls up, adjusting his crotch, which has

had a good going-over.

PERCY: What a popsy! These French ladies are...

ooh-la-la! Not for thirty years! Imagine!

Thirty years!

PERCY's arrival is warmly welcomed by his teammates. JEREMY seizes the

moment to inspire them.

MUSIC UNDER BEGINS TO USE WALTON'S SCORE FROM 'HENRY

V'.



17.2 FROM ENGLISH TEAM'S POINT-OF-VIEW OVER FRENCH CAMP.

Laughter from the French and clear high spirits.

JEREMY now gives a cricketing pastiche of the 'Harfleur' speech as a

pep talk (not forgetting the "I see you stand like greyhounds in the

slips" bit). This is his finest moment and he comes across as the man

of the hour. SELINA impressed.

The English team is inspired, none more so than THORNTON who scrunches

up a lit cigarette in his fist. BORTH panting to be 'at them'.

SEBASTIAN sneers "who needs Marcus ?".

18.1 TWENTY KILOMETRES AWAY.

MARCUS is turning away from a heap of rubble masquerading as a classic

barn; say he has to get back for cricket. The two agents provocateurs

persuade him there is one more property, the best, they've left for

last, "comme un dessert".

19.1 ST BOSANQUET. THE CRICKET FIELD - CENTRE.

JEREMY, JEAN-LUC, MAYOR and CURE (IN BACKGROUND AS

EMMINENCE GRIS). MAYOR SPINS COIN.

JEREMY: (CALLS) Femme!

THE MAYOR PICKS UP COIN AND EXAMINES IT.

JEREMY: (SMUG) The lady has fallen on my side. We'll

bat.

MAYOR: The destiny of St Bosanquet is in your hands,

arms and legs. May honour befall the best

team.

THEY MOVE AWAY TO THEIR RESPECTIVE CAMPS. THE CURE AND

THE MAYOR TO A TABLE AND BENCH UNDER THE TREES.

20.1 ENGLAND - RAF STATION. CHOPPER ON TARMAC. ENGINE ON: ROTORS

TURNING.

A SHOUTED CONVERSATION BETWEEN SUPT SMEDLEY AND

CHARLES GOODENOUGH. CHARLES IS MID-THIRTIES, ATHLETIC

AND A CLIVE LLOYD LOOKALIKE (ie BLACK).



CHARLES: Have you told them I'm coming?

SMEDLEY: I'm getting no answer from France, sir.

Perhaps there's no one there.

CHARLES: Mmmm. Great! Why me?

SMEDLEY: Join the FO and see the world, eh sir?

CHARLES: But why on a Sunday?!

CHARLES, BRIEFCASE IN HAND, RUNS AT HALF-CROUCH TO

CHOPPER. THE HELICOPTER TAKES OFF.

SMEDLEY: (WATCHING, TO HIMSELF) Hope we effing win for

once, 'sir'.

21.1 ST BOSANQUET - THE CRICKET FIELD.

A pastiche montage echoing old British Movietone News clips of cricket

matches. The action is of a few runs, some dashingly fearsome bowling

from JEAN-LUC, Gallic cries of 'owzat' and 'well played m'sieur', and

four English wickets falling. The stiff-upper-lipped commentary

suggests that: "...they may be Frogs but it's the English who are

hopping mad. And whatever happens, our boys must keep their heads, and

in the country that invented the Madame La Guillotine, that's not

easy....

At which point, JEREMY strides purposefully to the wicket.

22.1 ST BOSANQUET - THE ENGLISH CORNER.

SELINA approaches HUGH and SEBASTIAN and asks him how things are

going. HUGH and SEBASTIAN are stiffly trying to reassure each other

that it doesn't matter, that everything's okay, and that SEBASTIAN

doesn't resent the fact that HUGH ran him out. SELINA immediately

realises that it does matter and presses for evaluation. SEBASTIAN says

48 for 4 isn't really that wonderful a start, and a lot is on the

shoulders of this pair - BORTH and JEREMY.

23.1 ST BOSANQUET - POINT-OF-VIEW OF BATSMEN AT WICKET.

JEREMY is at the non-striker's end; BORTH is playing with consummate

ease. From BORTH's view, we now see VIJAY BOXWALLAH, resplendant in

'turban marron', come on to weave his magic; he coils his way up to bowl

and tosses the ball up. As a result, BORTH isn't seen to be so happy

against spin.

Then, BORTH's attention is distracted by flashing lights coming out of

the sun. As the lights blind and noise increases we see that it is a

helicopter descending from the sun's path (shades of LOCAL HERO). BORTH



has lost all concentration as the helicopter lands, and is ignominiously

bowled; he storms from the wicket.

23.2 THE HELICOPTER (IN A FIELD OF CHAROLAIS CATTLE).

Door opens. CHARLES GOODENOUGH steps out, runs at half- crouch to edge

of field.

23.3 THE ENGLISH CAMP.

CHARLES hurries over and asks for JEREMY BREMNER. THORNTON RILEY

points a smoking Gauloise in direction of wicket.

THORNTON: Backs to the wall time, old boy.

SELINA wants to know reason for CHARLES's dramatic arrival, while HUGH

and SEBASTIAN are sizing him up as a cricketer not a diplomat ("It is,

isn't it?", "You know who!", "Clive thingey!" etc) and, despite hisprotestations, start putting pressure on CHARLES to make up the team

shortfall.

CHARLES is telling SELINA about the Horsham Fund. The original 1000

sovereigns was invested in property, and astute management and re-

investment have resulted in a Holding Company owning large chunks of

prime property inculding vast tracts of Central London. It is worth

zillions and is now at stake.

CHARLES's attitude is actually ambivalent. Officially, he is there to

put a stop to these ridiculous proceedings, but, personally, he's the

bog-standard Sunday FO locum and is brassed off at having his weekends

interrupted to go troubleshooting. However, the ludicrous nature of the

situation is rather appealing to him.

HUGH and SEBASTIAN press him him to pad up.

In the background, at the wicket, there is a regular to-ing and fro-ing

as further English fall to the cunning of BOXWALLAH and the freaked-out

mimic bowling of MULDOON.

24.1 THIRTY MILES AWAY.

MARCUS is salivating over a ten-bedroom mansion for œ35,000; it is asnip. He has totally forgotten the cricket.

25.1 ST BOSANQUET. THE FIELD.

SELINA IS STILL QUIZZING CHARLES. SHE WANTS TO KNOW

WHO COULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THE HORSHAM FUND. CHARLES

REPLIES THAT VERY FEW IN ENGLAND KNEW, BUT HE DOESN'T

KNOW ABOUT THE FRENCH SIDE.

CHARLES: I imagine whoever issued the challenge



knew.

As CHARLES and SELINA are still locked earnest conversation, the

scoreboard shows 63 for 8. Meanwhile, HUGH and SEBASTIAN see the import

of the situation and are strapping pads on CHARLES's legs and shoving a

box down the front of his trousers without his being aware of this, as

his conversation with SELINA reaches a climax. SELINA has deduced that

JEAN-LUC knew exactly what he was doing and set all this up. She has

been right royally duped. She is furious.

25.2 THE SAME.

The ninth wicket (PERCY) falls. PERCY begins to walk back from the

wicket. JEREMY shouts from the centre

JEREMY: Where's Marcus?

THORNTON: God knows, skipper.

JEREMY BANGS BAT ON GROUND, BEGINS TO TRUDGE BACK TO

ENGLISH CAMP.

HUGH: It's all right!

HUGH AND SEBASTIAN SHOVE A BAT IN CHARLES'S HAND AND

PROPEL HIM ON TO THE FIELD.

CHARLES joins JEREMY half way to wicket. From mid-shot we guess thatCHARLES is beginning to tell JEREMY all about the Horsham Fund: JEREMY

grabs CHARLES's arm and stops shock still. CHARLES and JEREMY,

occasionally glowering at JEAN-LUC, and in full animated flow now, inch

their they way to the wicket.

The MAYOR hurries over to the English Camp, and addresses HUGH and

SEBASTIAN. He has a tattered copy of Wisden in his hand.

MAYOR: May I remind you, messieurs, that by the Laws

of your Cricket, only two minutes is allowed

for a batsman to reach the wicket.

SEBASTIAN: (CALLS) For God's sake, Jeremy, get a move

on!

CHARLES QUICKENS PACE, JEREMY STILL SHOCKED. THEY

REACH THE WICKET JUST IN TIME, AND CHARLES TAKES

GUARD.



26.1 THE FIELD.

Another Movietone pastiche covering JEREMY nursing CHARLES through a

heroic last wicket stand. The commentary points up this heroism: "The

English are one man short and it looks like curtains. But, hang on! Did

I say 'curtains'!? Well, hold your chevaux Francois, because here's

Goodtime Charlie Goodenough. And true to his name, Charlie's a real darkhorse for the situation".

Frequently the camera returns to MULDOON who is bored fielding at long

off and so runs through his entire mime repertoire, including Walking

Into the Wind, Assembling a Deck Chair and Escaping from a Stuck Set of

Revolving Doors. The commentary makes frequent punning references to

what he's doing.

26.2 THE SAME.

Approaching a 50-run final wicket stand, JEREMY drives a ball high

towards MULDOON. He mimes that he has caught it but it falls to ground.

CHARLES and JEREMY hoodwinked, halt in mid- run. MULDOON then picks up

ball and hurls the wicket down. CHARLES is run out.

England's total is 112.

27.1 ENGLAND. A VAST CITY OFFICE WITH ROW UPON ROW OF COMPUTERS.

SMEDLEY sits alone, hunched over computer. The screen is basically

blank. Around him are manuals, discs, coffee cups and a truncheon. The

phone rings; it is the ASSISTANT GOVERNOR of the Bank of England, who

has finally broken off from his golf to give information to access

SMEDLEY to the computer.

After various deadend suggestions to and fro, SMEDLEY gets into the

Horsham Fund file. SMEDLEY looks astonished as all is revealed: the

history, the finances and the geography all scroll up before his bulging

eyes. The ASSISTANT GOVERNOR's voice becomes more strident as the

computer scrolls.

A G: What's on the screen? Smedley! What's happening

now?

WE NOW SEE COMPUTER GRAPHICS SHOWING A PACMAN-TYPE

CREATURE, BUT STEREOTYPICALLY FRENCH (BERET, STRIPED

SWEATER AND HOLDING A BAGUETTE AS CLUB), GOBBLING UP

CHUNKS OF LONDON.

SMEDLEY: There's this minute figure. Clearly of

French origin. Unhappily he doesn't seem to

respond to my controls.



A G: Where is he now? Isn't it awful! Isn't all this

dreadful! Now what's happening??

SMEDLEY: The mannekin is devouring London...Madame

Tussaud's....all the MacDonalds...and now,

oh, bugger me. It's gone, sir!

A.G: What's 'gone' Smedley?

SMEDLEY: It's the Bank of England swallowed up. (A.G.

APOPLECTIC) But what I want to know, sir, is

who's behind all this, who's controlling

him?

28.1 ST BOSANQUET. BENEATH THE TREES. THE TEA INTERVAL.

The tea interval nears its end. At one end of long trestle table are

SELINA, CHARLES AND JEREMY, clearly discussing implications of Horsham

Fund. CHARLES's view is that the match should still be called off,

although he fancies himself as a useful change bowler on a pitch sure to

take further spin. JEREMY's view is the French are all perfidious

bastards and he's keener than ever to give them the thrashing of theirlives. SELINA is very unhappy, not caring now about implications of the

Horsham Fund, and furious with JEAN-LUC.

At the other end of the table are JEAN-LUC looking unhappy, but the

MAYOR and the CURE looking delighted. The CURE leaves, heading Church-

wards.

As the tea finishes some English ex-pats draw up in their cars to watch

what's going on.

28.2 As the English team takes the field, SELINA bustles up to JEAN-

LUC, confronts him with all she now knows about Horsham Fund. He

professes complete innocence. She doesn't believe a word. He grabs her

arm: he doesn't know what is happening but he'll find out. She must

trust him. Angrily, she shakes her head and shakes him off.

29.1 THE FIELD. THE START OF THE FRENCH INNINGS.

The innings gets off to a false start, thanks to MULDOON, who puts on

imaginary pads, gloves, box and carries imaginary head- guard. To the

amusement of some (THORNTON, PERCY) and the annoyance of others (JEREMY,

BORTH, his partner STAFFORD HEATHCLIFF at the other end) he takes

imaginary guard and is immediately felled by an imaginary bouncer. The

French crowd applauds MULDOON's art. Order is restored and the inningsproper begins.



30.1 THE MEADOW.

The gorgeous SELINA in tears. She has a stick in her gorgeous hand,

and, like an angry child, is swatting the heads of the flowers that

earlier that day were entwined in her gorgeous hair.

Then, as she walks, she sees the red BMW Cabriolet parked by the

Presbytery. She stops, puzzled. She walks towards car to investigate.

31.1 THE FRENCH CAMP.

JEAN-LUC wants some answers from the MAYOR. His father would never

have countenanced such an underhand plot for financial gain.

JEAN-LUC: There would be no honour in a victory such

as this. Maybe there would be honour only

in defeat!

A surprised MAYOR tries to placate JEAN-LUC, is unsuccessful and

believes that JEAN-LUC cannot now be trusted to play his part. JEAN-

LUC, in some turmoil, thinks about what he can do next.

The MAYOR goes to the scorer's table. Takes scorebook from scorer.

The MAYOR erases JEAN-LUC's name from No.5 and puts him down to No.11.

32.1 EXTERIOR: SIDE OF PRESBYTERY.

SELINA peers at BMW which has Paris number plates. Nothing much to bededuced there. She leaves car and crosses to Presbytery. She peers in

through window. Nothing.

32.2 SELINA walks round Presbytery towards front door. As she does

she sees PIN STRIPE woman exiting Presbytery and walking to Church. PIN

STRIPE enters Church.

SELINA keeps her distance but follows.

A video camera hidden inside a gargoyle's head tracks SELINA's

progress.

33.1 INTERIOR: CHURCH.

PIN STRIPE entering Confessional Chamber. SELINA tiptoes across, sits

at pew with clear view of Confessional. She waits...and waits.

34.1 ST BOSANQUET. THE FIELD.

A Movietone pastiche. The opening of the French innings is typically

Gallic - by turn magnificent and appalling. MULDOON smashes fifteen

runs off BORTH in the first over, but is then indecorously out. At the

other end, HEATHCLIFF is grinding the occasional run. A French clone is

soon dismissed and replaced by another one. The commentary follows the

usual pattern: "The French innings zooms skyward with 'Rocket' Rod



Muldoon, but soon the rocket falls back to earth and turns out to be a

damp squib. Well, never mind, Rod, better luck next mime."

34.2 THE SAME.

A third wicket falls. JEAN-LUC seizes his bat, and leaves the French

camp to head for the wicket; but the scorer calls BOXWALLAH's name.

JEAN-LUC looks at scorer who displays innocence and indicates the MAYOR.

JEAN-LUC storms towards MAYOR. The MAYOR shrugs his shoulders and

tells JEAN-LUC that he, JEAN-LUC, is no longer in charge: too much

depends on this.

34.3 THE SAME.

HEATHCLIFF has dropped anchor.

34.4 THE SAME.

JEAN-LUC is certain he has been manipulated. Wants to find SELINA to

clear his name. SELINA is not about. The old woman (who approved of

their supposed night together) tells JEAN-LUC that she saw SELINA going

towards the church.

35.1 INTERIOR: THE CHURCH.

SELINA looks at watch. Time has clearly passed and PIN STRIPE has not

reappeared.

35.2 EXTERIOR: THE CHURCH.

JEAN-LUC (still padded-up) approaching. The gargoyle-video camera

follows his progress.


SELINA gets up from pew, crosses to confessional booth. She gingerly

draws aside curtain. The confessional is empty. SELINA enters, just as

JEAN-LUC comes into church. He sees SELINA enter confessional; he takes

a pew, looks at watch, and waits....

36.1 THE FIELD.

A brief montage during which the French middle-order has prospered.

Scoreboard shows 80 for 5. Though the heart of the French team is

virtually gone, the backbone of the team remains - the stubborn (and to

the English, turncoat) HEATHCLIFF. The more scorn and sarcasm is heaped

on him by the English fielders, the more unhealthy satisfaction

HEATHCLIFF derives from the situation.

The MAYOR sits at his table, as if holding court, quietly confident.




An impatient JEAN-LUC snatches another look at watch. Gets up and

goes to confessional. Rips back curtain. No one there. He starts to

tap on the panelling. Panel slides back revealing stone stairway.

JEAN-LUC heads down stairs.

38.1 THE FIELD.

Another snatch of the French innings. The score is now 95 for 6; only

another eighteen wanted. The MAYOR is calling up the ice bucket and

champagne.

39.1 INTERIOR: DARK TUNNEL UNDER CHURCH.

SELINA feeling her way along dimly lit, cold passageway. She (and we)

can hear muffled electronic noises. She moves towards source of noise.

Reaches the appropriate door that is shut. Out of the darkness, a hand

appears and grabs her shoulder. She squeals. Whirls round. It is

JEAN-LUC.

A whispered row between the two. JEAN-LUC insists he can now prove his

innocence: flings open door.

39.2 From the intruders POV, we see the CURE and PIN STRIPE in a high-

tech office (video screens, computer links, telephones, large map of

Central London, large plastic board with exchange rates felt-tipped on

it). PIN STRIPE in process of rubbing out one figure for franc rate

against pound, and inserting higher figure.

40.1 INTERIOR: THE CURE'S HI-TECH OFFICE.

JEAN-LUC demands to know what is happening. The CURE says that all is

going according to plan. Points to TV screen, (closed circuit TV of the

cricket match): HEATHCLIFF still stonewalling whilst his partners knock

the runs. CURE introduces PIN STRIPE, MADELEINE BOUCHER, who is in

charge of Foreign Exchange on the Paris Bourse, and who has a hot-line

to the French Finance Minister.

MADELEINE smiles and says that as the French victory nears, the pound

is steadily falling against the franc. It is too early to write off

Britain, but much of the City of London may well achieve Third World

status.

The CURE is also in touch with the MAYOR by portable phone, via much

lifting of cassock.

We see a wicket fall on TV screen. The score is now 104 for 7: nine

runs to win.

JEAN-LUC: Now, do you understand?

SELINA LESS DOUBTFUL. JEAN-LUC GRABS HER HAND.

JEAN-LUC: It is time to put a stop to this.

HE HURRIES HER AWAY, BACK TO THE FIELD.



Roars from French supporters, which don't help JEAN-LUC who needs calm

to decide what to do.

44.1 THE PITCH.

JEREMY's third ball to HEATHCLIFF results in an almighty shout for

LBW. Not Out! The pressure is getting to the usually implacable

HEATHCLIFF.

45.1 EDGE OF FIELD. THE FRENCH CAMP.

The CURE arrives to savour the moment of glory. SELINA moves away

towards the meadow. Roars and counter-roars from English and French

supporters. The CURE goes to JEAN-LUC.

CURE: The game is in God's hands, my son.

46.1 INTERIOR: CURE'S OFFICE.

MADELEINE watches the action on closed-circuit TV. The pressure gets

to JEREMY as his fourth ball of the over is a rank long hop that

HEATHCLIFF middles hard but straight at PERCY. PERCY snatches at the

ball, largely in self-defence, and drops the catch. But, no run.

The pound and the franc pause, uncertain as to which should forge

ahead.


CURE: (LOOKING TO HEAVENS, TO JEAN-LUC) You see ?!

Tension mounts. Two balls to go and still six wanted.

48.1 THE PITCH.

JEREMY's fifth ball: HEATHCLIFF, suddenly needing to abandon his usual

caution, flails the air and is bowled. 107 for 9. (HEATHCLIFF has

taken nearly two hours to score 18 runs).


Consternation. The French supporters thrust bat and gloves into JEAN-

LUC's hands. The MAYOR wishes to hector JEAN-LUC about his duty to

France.

CURE: It would seem that the game is now in your

hands, my son.

JEAN-LUC looks around crowd, finally spots SELINA in meadow with back

to game. As JEAN-LUC makes his way to wicket, HEATHCLIFF pauses on his

way back, to give him verbose advice about how to play the final ball.



49.2 MARCUS arrives, apologising for his lateness, but clutching a

deal for a 17th Century chateau at a bargain price. He doesn't wait to

change and rushes on to the field.

49.3 JEAN-LUC walking to wicket. Under normal circumstances, six runs

would not be a problem for a player of JEAN-LUC's stature; but he is

burdened with conflicting thoughts and emotions.

49.4 SELINA looks back at cricket, but now JEAN-LUC has his back to

her.

50.1 INTERIOR: JEAN-LUC'S FATHER'S ROOM.

Reverse of opening shot of film, with a long shot of cricket field, as

hush descends on everyone there. We now zoom in on pitch as JEAN-LUC

takes guard at the wicket.

50.2 A quick-cut montage of the principal characters:

JEREMY polishing ball.

SELINA in field.

HUGH and SEBASTIAN for once united in purpose, geeing each other up.

CURE and MAYOR holding hands in excitement.

English supporters.

French supporters.

THORNTON so tense he's furiously smoking an unlit cigarette.

The epicentre is JEAN-LUC.

51.1 THE PITCH.

SLOW MOTION. Jeremy runs up to bowl. JEAN-LUC swings

mightily. The ball goes up and up and up. Batsmen cross. The ball

plummets earthwards, towards a jittery CHARLES on the boundary. He is

trying to align himself with the ball heading his way, at last snatching

at the the ball, juggling it, but finally grasping it safely! CHARLEShas achieved his purpose!

The English camp is wild with delight. Gloom in French camp.

52.1 INTERIOR: CURE'S OFFICE.

The franc plummets on MADELEINE's board. She swears. All the VDU's

go mad.

53.1 THE FIELD.

JEREMY sneers as he shakes hands with JEAN-LUC.



JEREMY: So, the best team did win.

54.1 SELINA runs from meadow, seeking JEAN-LUC.


The players leaving the field. The scorer pointing to something on

the field of play; and the MAYOR desperately thumbing through back pages

of Wisden.

54.3 SELINA smiling at JEAN-LUC. She is certain he threw away his

wicket, and looks for some verification from him.

54.4 The MAYOR raises his hands (Wisden in one, like General Booth

with his Bible). He halts the players coming off the field.

MAYOR: Un moment! Un moment, messieurs!

He gestures the scorer to come forward. The scorer gives a lightning

explanation in French. Essentially, since MARCUS arrived and made his

way on to the pitch, the English had twelve men on the field. The last

delivery, therefore, was a no-ball. JEAN-LUC could not be dismissed,

and the crossed run counts. Another ball has to be bowled, only five

runs are needed to win, and, as the batsmen crossed, DUTCH STOTTLEMEYER

must face the bowling.

54.5 Uproar!! Agincourt! Mary Queen of Scots! Crecy, Poitiers, and

all stations to Paris, Austerlitz! The Channel Tunnel! Peugeot

franchises! L'amour! Sacha Distel! Nouvelle cuisine! All surface in the

aftermath.

We focus on JEAN-LUC and SELINA, the calm at the edge of the storm.

They are together, and SELINA gazes up at him. She asks for an

explanation as to what's happening. He explains

JEAN-LUC: It is no longer in our hands. (INDICATING)

Like so many things, it is for the

Americans to decide.

55.1 THE FIELD.

The players go out on to the pitch again to replay the final ball.

In quasi-baseball stance, DUTCH prepares to face JEREMY's re- bowled

final ball. Shown at NORMAL SPEED, JEREMY bowls and DUTCH connects.

There is an almighty thwack of the bat as it cracks in two, but the ball

is 'homered' out of the field, landing on JEAN-LUC's father's grave.

The French are the victors. Jeremy fumes. Charles is appalled. Jean-

Luc laughs

56.1 EDGE OF FIELD.



The MAYOR attempts a final triumphal speech, standing on the teetering

scoring table, but is brushed aside by a confident and happy JEAN-LUC.

It is his family's wager and the outcome is solely in his hands. He

calls CHARLES to bring his briefcase over.

CHARLES takes a map from his case and unfolds it on the scorer's table.

JEAN-LUC asks him to indicate the territory that comprises the Horsham

Fund. CHARLES does so, stabbing his finger on block after block. As he

does so, there are growing gasps of delight from the French. JEAN-LUC

shakes his head.

JEAN-LUC: (TURNING TO CURE) Monsieur le Cure, you

remember my father's dying words ?

(THE CURE NODS) An eye for an eye. A tooth

for a tooth. A field for a field.

JEAN-LUC POINTS WITH HIS FINGER AT A GREEN SPOT ON

CHARLES'S MAP.

CHARLES: Oh my God. I can't see the FO swallowing

that.

JEAN-LUC: (FIRMLY) My father's dying wish must be

fulfilled!

56.2 THE CRICKET PITCH.

With the crowd in the distance, the ANCIENT has stopped scything and

is at the wicket, his scythe resting over his hunched shoulder. The

camera freezes on his final act: he removes the bails on the stumps.

DISSOLVE TO.......

EPILOGUE

57.1 LORDS CRICKET GROUND.

Freezing shot of the weathervane of 'OLD FATHER TYME' above the

ground.

Height of summer. The ground is packed with spectators for a Test

Match. The camera pans along the flags of the ICC flying from the

pavilion. On the end is the latest edition, the Tricoleurs, as we hear

the public address system: "Bonjour, mesdames et messieurs. La France

vous souhaite a Lords pour la deuxieme rencontre entre L'Angleterre et

La France......".



The camera pans across to an executive box. And there, together and

very much in love, are SELINA and JEAN-LUC and a four-month old demon

fast bowler.

TO CREDITS OVER....

The camera panning over neighbouring boxes in which we see JEREMY and

MADELEINE BOUCHER, PERCY with SOUS-MAITRESSE, BORTH, HUGH and SEBASTIAN,

BOXWALLAH and DUTCH, the OXBRIDGE QUARTET and the FRENCH CLONES, MARCUS,

CHARLES, THORNTON (sipping orange juice and sucking anti-smoking

pastilles), HEATHCLIFF (lecturing to all around) and, last of all,

ROCKET ROD, who is elaborately miming Mixing A Cocktail. He raises an

imaginary glass to all and camera.

MULDOON: Sante! (THEN CLAPS HAND OVER MOUTH)

THE END

58.1 A VAST CITY OFFICE.

The office is empty save for SMEDLEY, gaunt-eyed and exhausted, but

obsessively trying to control stereotypical computer-graphic French

pacman.

Some Far-Off Foreign Field

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