http://www.socialnatural.com/2011/how-to-be-socially-savvy/

Listen to Audio Interview With Greg Greenway [MP3]http://www.thesocialsupremacyblueprint.com/evolution/

http://torrenttown.org/download-ebooks/13425-greg-greenway-social-supremacy-blueprint.html

http://tutorialsdl.com/social-supremacy-blueprint-by-greg-greenway/

Jump Start Your Social Life [Kindle Edition] Jason Treu (Author), Brent Smith (Author)

How To Be The Most Engaging Person In The Room... Every Time [Kindle

Edition] Jordan Gray (Author)

http://kingpinlifestyle.com/resources/social-dynamics-in-a-nutshell/

Social Circle Mastery Broad Strokes

We liken cold approaching to hunting; you have to actively chase down new girls all the time and you are constantly starting from 0 each night. Social circle Mastery is more like farming; you plant a seed, nurture it over time, and harvest it when it is ready. You get to lock in your gains and you build your brand over time.

On an immediate level, we use Social Circle Mastery in two different but related ways:1. As a source of beautiful women. Of course, this only happened when we learned how to find, join, and lead social circles that have these beautiful women in them. This is what led us to create the MRB5 model, which I will get into below.

2. As “glue”. With any woman, there’s always a chance that her logistics (other commitments, friends, etc.) will prevent you from getting to know her on the same night you meet her. We’ve all succeeded against heroic odds and those make for some of the best stories, but the mundane reality is those are more rare than we would like and take a lot of work and time for very little reward. For example, the runway model you just met after a fashion show probably isn’t going to be able to go anywhere with you that night, no matter how good you are. By building and managing social circles in the right way, you can absorb her into your life and grow her interest in you over time without you actually doing anything. In the Social Circle Mastery seminar we call this “slow burn game.”

Types of People: The Key Players in Social Circle MasteryThink of your social circle as concentric rings of relationships with different people; the more interaction, time, shared experience, and get emotions you share with a person the closer they are to your core.

The different rings of the concentric circle making up your social circle are:1) You and your best friend2) Your Core or your top 3-4 friends3) Your Family or the top 15-30 people you hang out with4) Your Community or the 30-1000+ people that you interact with.

Understanding these rings is useful so you can understand how much influence you have in different groups. The farther up the ladder they are the more likely they are to invite you places, help you get in places, introduce you to girls and other cool guys, etc…

The basis of social circle game is building a lifestyle where you can farm relationships from the people that naturally come into your life or the one offs. You accomplish this by carefully selecting and screening the people in your family to maximize who comes into your life through your community.

The very first step in social circle mastery is to create this Family. Start by identifying the types of people you have in your family. People typically fall into four categories:

4 People To Look For When Creating Social Circle Mastery

Social Dead Ends: take away value rather than creating it. Try to cut social dead ends out of your group. Like attracts like. If you fill your social circle with bad people, you will repel good people and keep attracting more bad people. When we say bad, we are not necessarily speaking of bad people who do illegal things or proactively try to hurt you. Those types of people should obviously be purged from your social circle. What we are talking about are the types of people who’s personalities repel people. They are hot girl repellant and offend or annoy guys you want to be friends with. Having one of these people with you all the time is like trying to drive a car across the country with a 10,000 lbs boat anchor attached to your bumper. The Social Circle Mastery DVD covers how to figure out of you have any of these guys in your crew and how to handle them if you do.

Social Connector: is the type of person who knows everyone, is always on the phone, and is always on facebook. Every 40-50 man social circle is glued together by one or two people; these people are the social connectors. By adding a social connector you gain access to their network and can thus leverage one relationship into 40 or 50. These people are CRUCIAL for Social Circle Mastery success. If you can add a few of these guys to your inner circle your social circle can triple over night. Without these guys or girls you can be the coolest most interesting guy in the world and it won’t matter. You will basically be cold approaching or have a tiny social circle that never replenishes its self. The Social Circle Mastery DVD set covers how to find these social connectors and how to bring value to them so they want to be your friend.

Value Connector: is the type of person who has access to scarce resources such as hot girls, or exclusive venues. Girlfriends are often better social and value connectors than most guys. Guys are typically friends with guys and only have girl friends they are trying to date, where as girls are friends with girls.

Ultimate Connectors: are people who are both social connectors and value connectors.

When you start to make changes with your social circle by introducing social connectors, you will hit a tipping point with the number and quality of people you hang out with on a regular basis. Tipping Point: The straw that breaks the camel’s back. A small change that makes a big difference. Watch for that change, that way you will know you are on the right track and Social Circle Mastery is within your grasp. Once you have hit the tipping point, start focusing more on your interactions within the social groups as opposed to building your social network.

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Social Circle Mastery: Social Tree Theory

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Social Trees in Social Circle Mastery

Everyone is part of a number of different social trees. Examples of where ‘social trees’ arise include your workplace tree, your school tree, the guys that you go out with tree, your yoga class tree etc. According to our Social Circle Mastery DVD set, Social Tree is any group of people that are organized through a pecking order. In fact, ALL social groups have a pecking order and it important that you start to notice that order.

Also note the interconnectivity between social trees. The Social Circle Mastery DVD set will show you how some trees are distinct, but highly linked, some are completely separate. Some trees are trees within trees (like a fraternity within a University or at your office). Your success with social circle game will have much to do with the number and quality of trees to which you and members of your family are connected.

Understanding how Social Trees affect Social Circle Mastery

Even social trees are relative in value to each other. For example, having a high position on a certain low value social tree (e.g. the leader of two geeky guys who each have no friends) is not as socially valuable as having a low position on a high-value social tree (e.g., the celebrity hanger-on who occasionally gets to sleep with beautiful fans). That being said, Social Circle Mastery teaches you that it is always advisable to be amongst the top of at least one tree. If you are constantly at the bottom of all trees than you will never enjoy the high quality women who date guys who are the leaders of these trees. You don’t have to be the leader of the tree you meet her in, but you must be able to bring her into a situation in the future where she sees that you are respected and cared about in a tree. This could simply be bringing her around your roommate or close buddies. That is more than enough as long as they respect you and treat you well.

One practical use of this Social Circle Mastery principle is on dates, which we often plan so that she can see you in a social environment in which you’re up at the top of the social tree (e.g.,

you’re throwing a party, so you invite her to come with you).

Proper Social Circle Tree Management Creates Warm Approaches

One of the best things you will learn from the Social Circle Mastery DVD’s is that the more interconnected you are with a tree, the more you can warm approach. Warm Approach: You passively have value (possibly through your social circle), and women want you to approach them and will be receptive. You can open by simply saying, “Hi I’m Nick.” The less connected you are with a tree, the more it is like cold approach. Cold Approach You have no value built in and they are not necessarily inviting you/don’t necessarily want you to approach.

You can’t be the leader of all of the people in all of the trees, but you want to be in a group of 3-4 guys who are highly respected within the social circles and with whom you share a mutual respect for each other. Most likely each of you within your group will have different roles (eg. the funny guy, the business man, the organizer, social connector, etc…).

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Social Circle Mastery Overview Part 2

Friday, November 2, 2012

 

Social Circle Mastery: The Basics

 ‘Social Circle Mastery’ is the foundation of “next generation” pick up and dating techniques. It takes us beyond relying only on “cold approach” to meet women and enhance your social life. It has several purposes – to make it easier to meet and seduce “10s” and also to better manage your social life in general and to understand the social dynamics that affect any group situation, such as school or work.

COLD APPROACH VS. SOCIAL CIRCLE Mastery

Most dating in today’s society is done through social circles. On the other hand, cold approach in society is done by naturals as a hobby because their sub- communications are strong due to their social circle status. A lot of guys start down the cold approach path because they are trying to break out of their position within their current social circle, entirely change their social circle, or have recently moved or graduated and have no social circle.

As we discussed in in part one of this series, there are many key differences between Social Circle Mastery and Cold Approach. For example, you would NEVER use routines in Social Circle Mastery because you could quickly burn down the social circle and ruin your name and any chances of dating the women in that circle. Also, physical escalation is much different in your social circles, for example you wouldn’t want to do anything above playful touching in public because of the potential social consequences. This is discussed in great detail in the Social Circle Mastery DVD set.

KEY TERMS FROM THE SOCIAL CIRCLE MASTERY DVD:

Tipping Point: the straw that breaks the camel’s back. A small change that makes a big difference. Introducing/removing certain people in your life may make a huge difference by causing a tipping point in how big and the quality of your social circle.

Thin slicing: “a snapshot judgment” or your first impression. Your frontal cortex grabs all of your memories that are similar to the person, personality type, situation and within the first few seconds of an interaction with something new your brain categorizes it with what you have previously experienced. You control how other people thin slice you, so a good impression puts you ahead. (This may seem random, but Braddock cross pollinates this throughout the DVD set so it’s an important term to keep in mind.

Warm Approach: You passively have value (because of the brand you have created within your social circle), women observe how other men and women in your social circle respond to you and women want you to approach them and will be receptive. As stated in part 1 of this series, when you have warm approaches you can open by simply saying, “Hi I’m Nick”. This is one of the most powerful things this course teaches. If you can master this, your dating life will never be the same. Cold approach you have no value built in and they are not necessarily inviting you/want you to approach.

 

 

PART 1: THE STRUCTURE OF YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE

 

 

TYPES OF CONNECTIONSLet’s quickly rehash the key players in case you didn’t read or understand what I meant in the first part of this series. These are the basic building blocks that will help with the more advanced concepts.

First, let’s define two terms or different types of people: ‘social dead ends’ and ‘connectors’. A social dead end is someone who adds no value to your life and generally brings you down –

usually through things like negativity, inability to progress, or disinterest in evolving as a person, bad social skills with men and women. Many people who go through the exercises at the beginning of our Social Circle Mastery DVD recognize some of these behaviors in themselves. Human beings are imperfect so don’t take it personal or beat yourself up if you do. Simply use that as a jump off point and start getting rid of those behaviors.

A connector (Social Circle Mastery’s use of this term is inspired by Malcolm Gladwell in THE TIPPING POINT, though obviously Braddock changed it to apply to dating science instead of to societal trends). There are actually a couple of different kinds of connectors.

A social connector is someone who has a particular and rare set of social skills. They are CRUCIAL to Social Circle Mastery. Social connectors belong in multiple social circles and introduce people to other people all the time. They are really good at networking and their juice in life is talking to people. Their currency is people. Introduce new people to that person. When you meet them, don’t be in their pocket all night long. When you first start hanging out with them it’s key that you don’t make them baby sit at parties and social gatherings.

Don’t over game in their social circles and don’t bring drama either. Be fluid and low maintenance with them because that is how they operate and treat others. Don’t hold them to a schedule. Be 60% interested and 40% interesting. They will be the glue of your social circle. Every 40- 50 man social circle is glued together by one or two people; these people are one of the keys to Social Circle Mastery.

A ‘value connector’ is a bit different and plays a different role in Social Circle Mastery. Such a person may be social – and is likely to be – but it doesn’t matter if s/he is a recluse. A value connector has access to scarce resources, where a social connector “only” has access to different social networks. A value connector may be a doorman or promoter who can get you into a hot venue. S/he might have access to parties, events, premieres, famous people, and so on. This gives you value as well, one step removed. To gain the respect of value connectors you have to bring independent value to them. Braddock goes into great detail on how to meet and bond with value connectors in the Social Circle Mastery DVD set.

Ultimate connectors are people who are both social connectors and value connectors.

Social dead ends are people who hurt your thin slice. In the Social Circle Mastery DVD Braddock says there are two general types: either they are behind-the-curve dorky and quiet, or they are value thieves. Value thieves are people who act differently when it’s just you and when there are girls around and proactively game your girl behind your back. CUT THESE PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

The better you get at Social Circle Mastery, the bigger your social circle will become and you can start to lower the threshold for what you will put up with and what you won’t. At this point you can quickly recognize and trim toxic people. A concept well covered in the Social Circle Mastery DVD.

Of course, we’re not talking about using people or a mercenary approach to friendship. Most connectors are interesting, positive and passionate people who inspire others around them. Surrounding yourself with high-value people will motivate you to make the best of your life as opposed to surrounding yourself with people whose own failings, insecurities and need to protect their ego justifies settling for the familiar and the routine. To paraphrase Napoleon Hill in his book THINK AND GROW RICH, when you hang around people who are excellent, you become excellent yourself.

The moral of the story, according to Braddock in Social Circle Mastery, is that you must “Be the CEO of you” (Brian Tracey). The people of your life are like little LLCs, you have to manage them.

THE POWER OF FIFTEEN: THE MAKEUP OF YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLESMost people’s social lives can be mapped to a series of concentric circles. There is an innermost “core” of one or two close friends. Then comes an inner core of another 3-5 people and an outer core of another 5-15 people. These aren’t arbitrary numbers – this is how the human mind subconsciously qualifies social relationships.

Doing both the academic and the real-world research to come up with that must have been a pain for Braddock, but it’s an important concept. Social Circle Mastery says that the people in these cores comprise of the people who most influence your life. It has been said that ‘you are the average of the 5 people that you hang around the most’. This is partially true, but it is more accurate to say what Social Circle Mastery states, that most people are influenced by up to 15 people at a time, as different relationships ebb and flow in intensity.

To truly be great at Social Circle Mastery, managing your core is crucial. Your objective should be to fill your core as much as possible with connectors. They should bring value to you and you need to bring value to them. Social Circle Mastery states that your inner core (2 – 5 people), determines quality of women you will be around, you have to give real value to this core. Your (15 – 1000 people) outer core, determines quantity of women.

Understanding that last Social Circle Mastery concept about the inner and outer cores will have an massive impact on your dating life. One of the insights from Social Circle Mastery is that women will judge you based on your friends. This is true for cold approach (if you are around fun, cool people and are the life of the party, you are immediately more attractive) and even more for longer-term relationships, since most women are interested in the social life and opportunities that you bring to her.

On a more advanced level of understanding of the Social Circle Mastery DVD’s concepts, when you are introduced through friends to other friends, your pre-existing alliances often determine your social value and your relative value to the person to which you are being introduced. Don’t go saying “I don’t want to play that game”. As Braddock says, “Beautiful women are hyper-conscious of social value.”

The key principle about how to create a strong inner core is to bring value to peoples’ lives and they will bring value to yours. Braddock says you should work hard on becoming a connector

and have other connectors in your life. If all the slots in your top fifteen are filled with negative people who don’t offer value or exhibit forward momentum in their own lives, then you might need to reassess the role that they play in yours. You can have friends you like and care about who don’t help you meet your goals in life, but these should not be the only friends you have.

The Social Circle Mastery DVD’s state that your top three cores (the approximately 15 most present people in your life) determine your social success –in terms of:(a) social status(b) life orientation(c) at least some degree life success. You can’t expect to fill these spaces with people who can’t help you reach your goals and then complain that these goals are out of reach.

SOCIAL CIRCLE INITIAL INSIGHTS

 

With the concepts of connectors, social dead ends, and trees as a foundation, we can get into some of the deeper insights and strategies. Additionally, Braddock wants you to think of Social Circles as something you can manage, indeed master, as opposed to taking a purely passive approach about who ends up in your life.

An exercise Braddock asks you to do in the Social Circle Mastery DVD is this: Think about your social relationships in terms of cores and trees. Map them out on paper. Ask yourself who is a social connector, who is a value connector (some people may be both) and who is a dead end. What is missing from your social life? Who might you want to cultivate? Are you bringing value to the connectors in your life?

Just by asking yourself these sorts of questions, you will already be taking a giant leap forward over most men.

Now that you have a good foundational understanding of Social Circle Mastery basics, in the articles to come we will dig deeper and deeper into this life changing course. While I will do my best to do justice to Braddock’s Social Circle Mastery concepts, you really must watch the DVD’s again and again to really understand as he goes into greater depth than I could ever do justice in these short articles.

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Social Circle Mastery 101 – Key Points of The SCM DVD’s

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Social Circle Mastery

Basic Rules (Do’s and Don’ts)➢▪ Social Circle Game is NOT cold approach➢▪ Think of it as farming vs hunting➢▪ Do not run gamey cold approach in your social circle➢▪ Let go of the brass ring to grab the gold

Tarzan Theory… how to Climb Other Trees➢▪ Enter a tree however you can.➢▪ Befriend your way up the tree one or a few branches at a time. Work your way to the top if you are at the bottom. Don’t try to jump from the bottom to the top in one jump. (Think High School locker room)➢▪ Never let one branch “one person” be the only one that holds you in the tree. Make multiple friends that can give you access. You don’t want one guy to own you.➢▪ “Don’t outshine the master.” Show respect to those at the top of their tree. Even if they are at the bottom of another tree you are involved in. If it’s their tree, show respect.➢▪ This allows him and makes him want to respect you in your tree.➢▪ You don’t have to be at the top of every tree. You wouldn’t want to be and you don’t have time anyway.

Asshole In your Social Circle: Jerk, yet yet high value through fear or other….Pendulum – (Hostile takeover)o People respond to value or anyone or anything that is a perceived threat to your value.o So…Don’t compete, he’ll crush youo He’s around, I’m not.o Be polite, but not nice to him…Don’t let him feel hostility, just be a ghost around him.o Build value with everyone around him individually when he’s not aroundo Make him come to meo When and if he does come to you and extend the olive branch….Take it. Don’t be a dick about it and don’t act over excited.

Find the powerbrokers of the social circle:➢▪ Align with them on things of interest outside of how you met or how you usually hang out.➢▪ Let him teach you something and show him respect for that. Bond on that and not be a fan boy because he has more value than you.➢▪ You respect seniority, but don’t be impressed by it.

➢▪ Get over the stupid fucking “I have to frame control everyone or hold my frame at all cost.”o Learn when to let others hold court and when to sit back.

Rules for CONSISTENT Hot Girl Game:➢▪ MUST follow: “One gets in, we all get in.”➢▪ Buzz is crucial➢▪ Always follow the waterfall➢▪ One gets in we all get in➢▪ Create a spider webo Domino effect.▪▪ (Get one attracted they all are attracted)▪▪ (Get one of them to hate you, they all hate you)

Gatekeeper Game (How to utilize a situational connector)➢▪ One of the best ways to crack the hottest girls1. Focus on commonalities, connection, and non intense comfort.o (Flirt a little, just don’t go sexual and little or no kino)2. Ignore her group other than basic pleasantries.o Focus on getting to know her without being a pussy3. KEY!!! Disqualify yourself as a potential dating partner while still bringing her value

Example: Gaming a Gatekeeper

o “Wow Amanda, you are awesome. I swear to God you remind me of my best friend Sara from high school. We gotta hang out sometime, you are a blast. This is weird you’re like the girl version of my friend mike. I’ve got to introduce you to my best friend Mike. You two would love each other.”

o The value can and most likely will be imaginary value.o If you just disqualify and never bring value = No RASo Don’t disqualify? She may like you and keep you away from her friends4. Develop a relationship with and just keep popping up5. Get sticky with her friends and don’t game a second before you are sticky

Domino Effect➢▪ Get one girl in the social circle to accept you, then they will all accept you.➢▪ Get one girl attracted to you at the top and all the one’s beneath her will be attracted to you.➢▪ (only early on) Get one of them at the top to hate you, and they will all most likely hate you

Waterfall Principle: (Follow this with sex and Dating in any one social Circle)

➢▪ Waterfalls run down hill, not up hill.➢▪ Always sleep with the hottest girls first and work your way down the list. Not the other way around. Even if this takes a long time.➢▪ Sleep with the hottest first and the rest will be attracted to you➢▪ Date the hottest first and you have the option to date all those below her.

Waterfall (Hottest and work down)

Prized Circles➢▪ Respect this in prized trees➢▪ To much pre selection creates a sleezy vibe➢▪ High self esteem girls will lose attraction unlike in cold approach➢▪ You want to be the guy who could have anyone, but is unspokenly very picky.➢▪ This adds credibility when you finally go for a 10.➢▪ She feels like she beat all the other girls and you picked her over everyone else.➢▪ Be flirty, just don’t sleep around openly in these trees.

Group Think: Classy vs. Slutty

Classy Trees➢▪ There is major group think in each group. Girls will act as the group does.➢▪ If the high value girls in the group are slutty, the younger girls will be more free.➢▪ If the group is known for being full of good girls, most of the girls will take on that identity.

Slutty Trees➢▪ The waterfall still applies (Work from hottest down)➢▪ However, sleezy pre selection works like a charm➢▪ The more of them you sleep with the more of them will want you. (Adri)

Create a Spider Web That’s Hard to Escape➢▪ Make her and her friends deeply invested in you and your friends so it would make them feel like they are losing an important part of their life if you guys were to leave.➢▪ This way if any one girl gets mad or hurt then the group is less likely to walk on you and your friends. If the group enjoys you and your friends company more than hers than they will expect her to straighten up and get over it, or they will isolate her instead of you and your friends.➢▪ Try to get your friends involved with her and her friends as soon as possible.➢▪ Don’t be afraid to be flirty, but run slow motion game. Don’t push so hard early that they are leery of hanging out. Run slow game and always leave them hanging, wanting more.➢▪ The idea here is to become a consistent part of their life. Just like you feel about your closest friends. It would feel strange if your friends were suddenly to remove themselves right?➢▪ That’s the feeling we want to create.➢▪ Once they consider you part of their life the flirting begins.

➢▪ In the early phase do not break rapport any harder than you would during a cold approach or early in the merging of the social circles, because they are deeply invested in the relationship, so the threshold for teasing and breaking rapport is much higher.

OTHER THINGS COVERED IN THE SOCIAL CIRCLE MASTERY DVD’S➢▪ LJBF – how to get out➢▪ MRB5 Model – how to pick up in social circles➢▪ How to infiltrate into high end social circles➢▪ How to make friends with high value guys and girls➢▪ How to influence guys into doing what you want➢▪ How to cultivate wings

Beginnings of a New Social Circle

http://socialcirclemastery.com/social-circle-building-guide-part-2/

Moving to a new city or rebuilding your social life in your current city can seem like a daunting task. Few things are tougher than the prospect of starting from ground zero. Moreover, depending on where you are, while your new city may be busy and seemingly bursting with opportunity, it might seem difficult to align yourself into the slipstream of the social flow.

The aims of this document are to aid you in your endeavor of building or re-building your social life from ground zero, while incorporating the principles from the Social Circle Mastery Home Study product. We will explore many of the initial steps you will take if you are moving to a new city or hitting the restart button in your current city.

You will be provided with 10 tasks, which gradually get more difficult, to help you pave your way to social circle mastery. Depending on your current social situation, and whether you’re moving to a new city or rebuilding life in your current one, some of these tasks may already be accomplished. Nonetheless, the tasks serve as a great way to evaluate where you currently stand.

One Bite at a TimeWhen tackling a new conquest, people often have the urge to take it all down at once. However, as the saying goes, “the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.” Like anything else, building a social circle takes time. More than anything though, it helps to start small and work your way up. Essentially, you want to build upon goals, which get bigger in scope the further you progress.

So while your ultimate goal may be to personally know the owner of every trendy nightclub and

bar in town, work on getting to know the door people first. It’s good to have large goals, but don’t let them clout the importance of the smaller tasks at hand. When you take care of the basics, you’d be surprised how many of the big goals accomplish themselves.

Have Fun!It is important to view the process of building your social circle as a fun process. As we teach with cold-approach, the second anything seems like a chore, your results will suffer. You should embrace the idea that you are on your path to bettering your life, and bettering the lives of those you choose to bring into your social network. If all else fails, keep in mind that the rewards really are worth it. Few things are more rewarding than having built a life where you are surrounded by high-caliber people who care about you.

That said, if you’re starting from scratch, it will take significant work to get to that point. You’ll find though, that while it might be difficult in the beginning, as you start to gain momentum, you social life will begin to compound upon itself. Past a point, when all the foundations are established, new, high-quality people will naturally seem to flow into your life. That is the goal, so keep your eyes on the prize, and lets get started!

Social Circle Game Task 1: Get to know the Neighborhood

Whether you live in a big city or suburbia, it is a good idea to familiarize yourself with a group of places near your residence. While you may not necessarily be going out on a Friday night with Lou from the neighborhood bakery, familiarizing yourself with the local businesses does a number of things for you.

Social Proof: If you ever take a girl out somewhere, it’s pretty cool to seemingly know everyone you come in contact with. So while your relationship with Lou may not seem to be intrinsically “valuable” in itself, the fact that you know Lou, and everybody else in the neighborhood, speaks about the type of person you are and your overall personality.

Cold-Approach Opportunity: If you are at one of your regular spots and happen to see a cute girl, cold approaching her after receiving recognition for the people that work there will help your cause significantly. By knowing the workers, much of the creep factor is removed, and the friendly reactions from the workers (especially if they know you on a first name basis), will transfer over to her reaction towards your approach.

Building State: When you’re going out at night, your night should actually begin in the afternoon. Going from not interacting with anyone all day to jumping into a social setting can seem like going from relaxing in a sauna to being thrown in a tub of ice. On he other hand, if you pepper in interactions throughout your day, by the time the evening comes around, you will find

yourself in more of a social mood and ready to meet girls you actually care about.

Easy Practice: As we teach in our bootcamps, the ability to build and sustain normal, organic rapport is essential to becoming better at meeting women (and people in general). A large majority of this skill set is universal to all interactions, and as they say, practice makes perfect. By having short conversations with the locals, you develop your “conversational muscle” and have the opportunity to work on the fine art of rapport building and transitioning.

So how do you do it? It’s simple: Live your day the way you normally would, but search for opportunities to meet and interact with others. So when Sam behind the coffee counter asks you how your day is going, instead of replying with the usual “fine,” elaborate and try and build conversation with him. You’ll be surprised how many cashiers, workers, store clerks and waitresses are open to conversation.

Most of these workers will find it refreshing that someone is actually interacting with them beyond simply replying to boring questions out of social obligation. Treat the ones that are colder as yellow lights, and make it a challenge for yourself to see if you can convert them to greens. It’ll serve as a great lesson and practice on how to plow through a cold exterior to open someone up.

Social Circle Game Task 2: Develop a Social Routine

Get involved in your community in terms of living an active lifestyle and seeking out things to do. It still surprises me how many people spend a majority of their free time at home. When you’re starting out, your home should primarily be a place of rest, not where you lounge around all day “relaxing.” With a little effort, you’d be surprised at how much you can discover to do in your hometown (even if you live in suburbia).

Fill Your Days: If you’re spending a majority of your free time at home on the computer, you’re not filling your days. Realize that life is too short, and we already spend 25% of it sleeping, so when we’re not, focus on living it. While we all need alone time and time to relax, don’t use relaxing as an excuse for laziness and inactivity. A good gauge to measuring the productivity of your day is by how tired you are come bedtime. If you are collapsing into your sheets as opposed to going to bed as force of habit, you probably aren’t doing enough with your day.

Create an Active Routine: Fuse your personal activities to social settings. For instance, if cardio workouts are an important part of your life, consider trading daily outdoor running with a few cardio classes at your local gym. Instead of sitting in front of the TV all evenings of the week after work, sign-up for improv classes, salsa lessons etc… And while you’re attending these programs, start looking for opportunities to build a social network.

Do not treat the people you meet in these classes as cold-approach targets. The beauty of a string of classes is that you know you will see the same people over and over again. Instead, cultivate a good relationship, and focus more on the friends and social circle aspect of the people you meet. And if you find a girl you’re really attracted to, still remember to play it slow. In this case, time is on your side.

One-Off Opportunities: Explore as many one-off opportunities as you can. In most metropolitan cities, there is an endless supply of music festivals, carnivals, food festivals, parades etc… that come through. It is much easier to meet people in these environments, as everyone tends to be in a festive and happy mood. If you choose to day game at these activities, that’s fine, but keep yourself open to the possibility of fostering relationships for your social circle mastery purposes.

Become a Master of Your Domain: Many people live blindly in the cities they reside in. Wherever you are, there is bound to be a weekly local publication detailing the events and things to do in your city (in the US, some of these publications include The Metro, L.A. Weekly, The New Yorker, etc…). The point is to get familiar with things you can do in your city. As you explore, you’ll begin to cultivate locations to take girls on dates as well.

As you begin to build an active routine, and if you make an effort to be social whenever possible, you’d be surprised how friends start to naturally seep into your life. Remember to be proactive though, no amount of activities in the world will help you if you keep to yourself everywhere you go.

Social Circle Game Task 3: Strength in Numbers

While your journey to building your social circle may start solo, you will invariably need to find a core group of friends, or a “social tree,” that you can call your own. Essentially, your social tree should include you and a few other like-minded individuals with similar goals and social aspirations.

Depending on your situation, it might be easier to start a new social tree fresh instead of attempting to merge your way into an existing one. The benefits of starting your own social circle is that you have the opportunity to lay ground rules from the start, and each person in it is viewed as an equal. On the other hand, the benefit of joining a pre-existing social circle is that if it’s good, all the groundwork is done and you instantly link yourself to an entire network of people.

A core social tree of 4-5 people is ideal. Keep in mind it is not necessary for everyone to be

studied in game. In fact, if everyone does know about game, you’ll likely have to set up ground rules so that your social circle doesn’t turn into a “game den”. That is, instead of viewing your social tree as an assault team whose sole purpose is to pick-up women, you want to have the mentality that you’re all friends that are just focused on making the most out of life and on having a good time.

Creating a Social Circle from Ground ZeroIf you’re starting from ground zero, your best bet is to find others who have also recently moved into the city, or others that are in transitionary periods in their lives. You’ll invariably meet people like this if you build an active routine (Task 2), but other options you have include finding wingmen through bootcamps and/or the forums.

Note that just having an interest in game is not necessarily enough to determine compatibility for someone you’re considering bringing into your social circle. Game aside, you’ll want to build your social tree with people you can see yourself meshing with outside of a pick-up environment. Now if you’re able to find guys that are into game, and who also mesh well with your personality, then all the better.

Joining a Pre-Existing Social CircleJoining a pre-existing circle is generally tougher, and typically requires you to develop a relationship with a “gatekeeper,” or someone who will ingratiate you into the group. From that point, it is in your best interest to start befriending others within the social circle one by one, and slowly ingratiating yourself within the group as a whole.

When joining a social circle, definitely do not treat any of the girls the way you would in a cold-approach setting. In fact, it might be a good idea to go a couple months without actively hitting on any particular person in the circle. Your goal is to be a cool, fun guy that they enjoy hanging out with. Once you start getting regular calls from various people in the social circle to come hang out, you know you’re in.

Social Circle Game Task: Set Ground RulesOne of the biggest benefits from starting a social tree from ground zero, besides being on equal footing with everyone in it, is having the opportunity to develop a set of ground rules. The ground rules and pre-framing that is setup from the start will go a long way in ensuring the sustainability and longevity of your social tree. The most common way for a social tree to implode is when small pet peeves and annoyances build up over time and reach a boiling point.

Additionally, setting ground rules also provides a great opportunity to highlight the things you like about the people in your new social tree. Each person will invariably have their strengths that benefit the group, and positive reinforcement

is the best way to keep everyone doing what they do best.

Here are a few ground rules to consider during your meeting. Others might apply, but these are some concepts to help get the ball rolling:

Winging: If your social tree includes guys that have not studied game, it is particularly important to go over wing rules (you don’t have to use game terminology to get the points across). Essentially, explain the idea that he who goes up to the girls gets his first pick, and explain the general concept of how to wing in a set, and how not to steal the spotlight upon entering the group.

Off-Limits: Have a discussion on which girls are completely off limits. If you all live in an apartment building together, it might not be the best idea to get in relationships with the girls living down the hall, especially if they can serve as social connectors to a whole another network of hot girls. In your discussion, include friends, sisters, ex’s and whoever else you would not particularly want your friends hooking up with.

Boundaries: It’s a good idea to quickly go over the things that each of you can’t stand, as well as other small things that annoy you. Many times, the things that annoy you may not be an issue for someone else and vice verse. By having a clear understanding of everyone’s likes and dislikes, it’ll help tremendously in navigating through your interactions amongst each other.

Non-Judgment: No one likes to be judged. Setup a frame so that future conversations within your social tree regarding the quality of girls you guys interact with are lighthearted. While it may be the dream to pull 10s on a nightly basis, it is inevitable that not every girl you go after will be the hottest on the planet. That said, there should be a collective effort to push each other outside of your respective comfort zones, and to push the boundaries on the quality of girls you all typically go after.

Game: If you and all your friends are aware of game, it could easily become the only subject you guys talk about. Instead, make some sort of loose rule, which limits the amount of game talk you and your friends partake in. The last thing

you want is for game to be the one and only discussion point within you social tree. While game may be a big part of your life, it should not be your life.

Social Circle Game Task: Fall into the LJBF Zone a Few Times

When you’re starting out, you should realize the importance and opportunity that comes with falling into the let’s just be friends (LJBF) zone. While it might be irritating if you have been pursuing a particular girl for a period of time, or if you’re out on a cold-approach crusade, but falling into the LJBF zone is not always a bad thing.

Cold-Approaching to Make FriendsWhile it may suck to lose girls to the friend zone (typically a symptom of not enough physical/verbal escalation and sexualization), when you’re in the process of building your social circle, it may not actually be a bad idea. In fact, it is a good idea to go out a few nights a week with the primary goal of cold-approaching to make new friends.

Believe it or not, most girls do not typically go out with as strong of an agenda as most guys, and are open to the idea of meeting new friends. Hence, if you and the core group of guys you hang out with come off as cool, funny and interesting, there is definitely a possibility that the girls would want to hang out with you all in the future.

Making Friends vs. Getting LaidWhen you’re cold-approaching to make friends, your standards are slightly different than they might be if you were cold-approaching to get laid.

Social Connectors: Social connectors, or individuals who are connected to networks of many others, are the best type of people you can meet throughout the night. Keep in mind that social connectors do not necessarily have to be attractive, since it is many times the case where less attractive guys and girls oftentimes have many hot friends. It is important to note that the social connectors do not necessarily have to be girls either.

Group Theory: In this context, you’re going to want to spend more time ingratiating the group, instead of focusing on just picking out one target. More importantly, when you open the group, instead of narrowing down and isolating your conversation to the girl you’re most attracted to, refocus your attention on the person in the group (guy or girl), that seems to be either the leader or the most social.

Framing: If you do get isolated with a social connector, make an effort to frame yourself into the friend zone so there is no confusion as to your intentions. Examples of doing this include telling her about you great friend “John” who would be a perfect match for her.

Meet-ups: When you go for the meet up in the future, send invites under the frame that you and your friends are going out, and that she and her friends should come meet you guys. If you’re

actively spending a few nights a week cold-approaching to make friends, you can easily send out such an invite to at least a couple groups a week.

Social Circle Game Tactics: Getting Sticky:

Getting Sticky:One of the key concepts in the Social Circle Mastery DVD’s is the idea of “Getting Sticky.” This is an old marketing term and in the book, ‘The Tipping Point’, Malcolm Gladwell speaks of The Stickiness Factor as the specific content of a message that renders its impact memorable. To simplify if means that for you to remember a brand you need to see it 6 to 8 times before it’s “sticky” in your brain. This is crucial in social circle building because you may need to meet a new guy or girl anywhere from 1 to 8 times before you are “sticky” and they consistently remember you. Knowing this can help you relax and keep you from over reaching, feeling frustrated when girls don’t remember you right away, and keep you from trying to pull the trigger to fast. We don’t want to do anything until we are sticky. This could take 1 encounter, this could take 30. Doesn’t matter.

When are you sticky, how can you tell? You will know. When people start saying hi to you consistently, remember your name, specific things about you, girls hug you when they see you or go out of their way to say hi or ask you questions, you are sticky. Being sticky assumes a certain comfort level with each other and in the tribal sense it says, “He’s one of us.” Being sticky does not imply attraction at all. It simply means you are no longer a stranger and you are on their radar. You are no longer cold approaching! This is the crucial part of becoming sticky.

How Being Sticky Works on a Practical Level in Social Circle Game:

Some of the following assumes you’ve read my book “The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game.” The more attraction you have when you met, the more personalized the medium you can use for reconnection. The longer the fuse, the less personalized the communication you want to use. For example, you can call a short fuse anytime, but with a long fuse (for scm purposes a long fuse is a girl you have little or no stickiness with), you might just want to PING them by writing something funny on their Facebook wall every once and a while; this keeps you on their radar but also keeps you from over reaching. NEVER DO TO MUCH IF YOU AREN’T STICKY! If you do, you are missing the entire point of social circle game and might as well just cold approach.

The difference between a long fuse and a short and/or medium fuse in social circle game is that you have become STICKY, she remembers you, and/or opens you. This typically means that you have migrated into her top 15-30. As stated above, in marketing it is common knowledge that you need exposure 6-8 times before you become sticky, so why would your social life be any different? The goal is to burn down the fuses from long to short by pinging and slowly getting

sticky.

Get on their radar and look for situations where you can get multiple encounters via friends, NOT FROM FIRST HAND INVITES TO HER FROM YOU. This is so that you get sticky.

If you are slightly on a girls radar in your distant social circle you can ping her, just keep it very light for as long as it takes to burn down the fuse and become more sticky. The longer the fuse is the less you want to personalize. With medium fuses Facebook and pinging are a great way to flirt. Your Facebook profile or sending value giving texts provide great passive attraction.

Don’t Create Unnecessary Y’s in the road: “Yes or NO” = bad early.Meaning forcing her into a yes or no situation. “Do you want to go on a date?” Is an example of a y in the road. If you are sticky this could be fine. If you are not? This is not proactive.

Keep in mind that in Social Circle game you only want to escalate only when she is ready, and not take any longer than necessary. Every time you escalate, there is a Y in the road and she has to decide whether you are worthy of that escalation. In social circle if you ask her on a date when she is not ready she will likely say no, because she knows she will probably see you again, and if the date goes poorly that will create a lot of awkward moments. However, forcing her to verbalize the “No” make you lose a ton of value in her eyes and you have created the frame that you are the pursuer and she is the prizer. You will be playing from behind from now on and you have created a tough up hill battle that could have been avoided with patience.

With cold approach you need to constantly be pushing because there are no negative consequences if things go poorly on her part if things go poorly and on your part if you don’t push hard enough you may never see her again. Social circle game is not like that. You are playing for the long term, building your value in eyes over time and acting when the timing is perfect.

How to become a connector in Social Circle Mastery

Being a connector is about being able to add value, and/or having access to scarce resources, and providing good emotions. Adding value could be anything to do with something that people can find you useful for. This could cover a wide range of variables. I’m a connector for a different reason with almost each individual friend I have. Understanding how to meet connectors is one of the most important factors in maximizing your social circle game.

I’m a connector with my club manager friend because after a year of kicking it with him via interactions created by our mutual friend, he and I became close friends and in his world close friendships where

people don’t want something from him are rare. I’m a connector to another friend because he’s single like me, has no idea that I teach dating workshops, and loves going out with me because I offer a fun energy and help him feel good while chasing girls. I’m a connector to another friend because we grab lunch once or twice a week and talk about life stuff and I try to give her great non biased advice.

This list could go on and on. Each relationship would have a different glue factor that keeps the relationship sticky. I’m not proactively looking to get anything out of the relationships and I truly care about each of these people. However, over time the law of reciprocity says that if I give them good emotions and find ways to add value to their life, they will be more likely to want to help me in whatever big or small capacity they can.

For example, purely because I’ve developed a great friendship with my friend club manager buddy, I’m one of the first people he calls when he’s going out or going to a special event. This is not because I asked him to or because he feels he owes me. We slowly developed a relationship over time to where he genuinely wants me to go with him because we are friends and I genuinely want to go because I enjoy my time with him as well. This is what social circle mastery is all about. Your ability to cultivate genuine relationships with people over time. The key is to not focus on forcing any one relationship, but instead to try to build a bunch of relationships little by little over time.

For a beginner, the EMPHASIS IS ON BEING PROACTIVE.For example:➢ IDEAL: STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE IN WHAT YOU DO – BE AT THE TOP OF A SKILL, FIELD OR TREE➢ Know a lot of hot girls.➢ Organize events. You organize situations where you put people together. Doesn’t have to be epic.➢ You have great rapport at certain prized places. Example: Go to the same restaurant or bar on certain nights. Get to know the people there. Build social proof and meet the people. These people become part of your community and maybe even your outer core.➢ Find a way to add value to people. If you want higher value – find ways to GET IT. Practical knowledge can facilitate this. You have practical knowledge about accounting / law etc which someone needs. This is dependent on the social circle. E.g. purely. This is your ‘I’ value from which you build relationships around you.➢ Know other connectors – social networking. You have to become a BIG giver if you want to attract the right connectors.

ADD VALUE TO CONNECTORS

– whether perceived or real. Realize that you may have to give 10 or 100 times the value they give for a while. Realize that you may have to spend 10 to 100 times the amount of time adding

value to them compared to the time they spend adding value to you. However, it is totally worth it in the long run, because of what they can add to your life. The value they give you will be worth all that extra energy that you put in.

Social networking is NOT just small talk

– it is about offering a value trade. It includes small talk but is more the identification of how each person can add value to the other person.

Ask yourself are you a value connector, a social connector, a social dead end, or just completely neutral connector where you don’t offer or take value? Be honest with yourself without being negative. Just be honest so you can get a jump off point.

Knowing where you are at currently will help you decide where to go from here.

If you are new to all this or new to a city, don’t think, “I must go for the highest level connectors in my city right away.” Start where you are at. Get social, join classes, find a few people to start going out with. Learn the ropes of your city and just get in the fire fight. You can always change your strategy later, but for now just get going. Trying to become friends with a club owner who doesn’t know you will look try hard. Build a network first and eventually you will meet other connectors who already have a relationship with guys like him and you can get natural organic shared experiences with other connectors and let the relationship build over numerous encounters instead of you trying to jam some value in their face and force a relationship that isn’t ready to grow.

http://socialcirclepower.com/how-to-build-a-social-circle-from-scratch/

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How to pimp your pad for social circle game success

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Setup Your Pad for Social Circle Game Success

As you develop your social circle and fine tune your social circle game, you will want to start having people over regularly. Your home, whether you like it or not, is an extension and reflection of who you are. And while it may not be absolutely necessary to have a decked out home to help you maximize points with women in your social circle, it sure doesn’t hurt. Moreover, if you’re serious about building your social circle to its maximum potential, you will

eventually want to have your home serve as one of the hubs for your social tree. Realize that if your place is the usual pre-party or after-party spot, you will with out a doubt meet more people. This is why I recommend moving to a place as close to the action in your city as possible. If your place is a 40 min drive from where everyone goes out, it is unlikely people in your social circle will ever want to pre or post party there. You could have the biggest mansion in the world, but it would never trump a 2 bed room apartment a block away from the action.

Having an well put together home will not only help your social circle game, but also has spillover effects into your game as a whole. For instance, girls you bring home will feel more comfortable in a well kept home, and the thin slice you get from girls you take on dates is better (side note: whenever you take a girl on a date, you should have her come up to your place for at least a few minutes so she can visualize where she will be going later if she decides to come up after the date).

Having a nice home does not mean you have to be living in a mansion or in a gated community. It just means the interior of your home is well kept, and that it doesn’t look like a dirty frat house (unless of course, you’re in college and live in a frat house). Most girls would agree that a modest but “cool” apartment is more appealing than a mansion with a sloppy or empty interior.

There are four key elements that go into having a home that is guest-friendly:

Seating: Make sure there is enough seating. You do not need one seat for everyone person that’s coming over, but as long as at least half of the people over aren’t forced to stand, you are fine. While chairs work, consider couches, which are more laid-back, along with futons and possibly even beanbags.

Music: You’ll want to have an updated playlist with party music and laid-back music. You don’t necessarily need a 12-speaker sound system. An iPod player or a set of decent computer speakers will work just fine. To find up to date music, visit the website of your local Top 40’s radio station, and there should be a section with songs that the station regularly plays. From there, procure the music however you see fit or use a site like Pandora which has playlists ready.

Drinks: For pre-parties, the bare minimum you want to have is beer, hard alcohol and chasers (i.e. orange juice, soda, Redbull). Ideally though, it’s best to make a fun drink for the evening. Invest in a blender and for your hard alcohol and chasers, opt for tequila/rum and margarita/pina-colada mixers (with ice cubes and coconut shavings), and you’re in for a fun night. Alternatively, you could create jugs of party drinks such as jungle juice or scorpion bowls. The idea is to do something slightly different from the norm, which will go a surprisingly long way. Having drinks on hand “just in case” is a good idea. You would be surprised how many times people randomly decide to come over and being drink less kills your social circle game.

Bathrooms: Make sure your bathroom is immaculate. Few things will gross a girl out more than a disgusting bathroom. Make sure your toilet is clean and unstained, and that you have a full stock of toilet paper. Also make sure the bathtub/shower is clean, with no noticeable mold of

gunk growing anywhere – girls look!

Social Circle Game Task: Host Events

Once you get the ball rolling on laying the foundations for your social tree, it’s a good idea to start integrating yourself as a focal point in your developing social circle. The best way to do this is through hosting events either by using your place as a hub, or by initiating outings amongst your friends.

Using your Place as a HubThe easier of the two is to use your place as a hub. Essentially, your aim is to have your home be a regular location for certain events. For instance, your apartment could be a pre- party meeting point, a place for after-parties, or where you and the guys meet up to watch Monday night football.

Another option is to host one-off events at your house. This could range from a laid-back Fourth of July barbeque to a full-blown Friday night pool party. In this case, you’re looking to associate yourself with fun times, while having the opportunity to be in the spotlight, and to showcase the cool sides of your personality. Remember, time + shared experiences = relationships.

Regardless of the event, turning your home into a central meeting point amongst your social tree will significantly increase the stickiness you have amongst your friends, and will further root you in with the tree itself. This holds particularly true if you are joining a pre-existing tree instead of starting a new one from ground zero.

Initiating OutingsIf you choose to follow the path of initiating outings for your social circle, you are essentially taking on the role of a social connector. As such, you will be responsible for figuring out where the good places to go on which nights are, and then subsequently working to get your friends out. This is fun but can be stressful and time consuming.

The most challenging element of initiating outings for your social circle is managing everyone’s schedule and motivating everyone to go out. If you’re starting your social tree from scratch, this should be an easier job (as you’re all bound to be more fired up about going out), than it would be if you’ve joined a pre-existing tree.

This is important, the social repercussions of a failed or bad outing in a pre-existing tree are greater.

For you to take on this role you need: Prerequisite Stickiness in that social circleIn each of the above cases, you will need to make sure that you have the prerequisite stickiness

to serve as host. That is, you have to be close enough to enough people in the social tree to ensure success. Again, this holds especially true if you are joining a pre-existing social tree. Without the prerequisite stickiness, the probability of flakes increases significantly. For instance, if someone you and your friends met a week ago tried to get you all to come out to a certain venue on Friday night, there is a good chance meeting up with him wouldn’t be too high on anyone’s priority list.

Building Your Social Circle: A Total Moron's Field Guide

A few threads here have cropped up regarding social circle. Some people like to get down on social circle "game", dismissing it out-of-hand because it's not "pure" pickup, or because cold approaches are "the only true way". I will respectfully disagree, because although cold approaches are great and everyone should be able to do them, I feel that the zealous fervor with which some people defend cold approaching is a bit off-base. We're all here for different reasons. My reason is simple: I want to enjoy the company of more women. I'm not concerned with the source of them so long as they meet my standards.

This is important because for the longest time I looked at the pickup process like so many MMO-RPGS. You know, the ones where you grind away at a character, relentlessly improving him by getting phat new loot and killing bigger dragons ad nausem. Then I realized that life doesn't work that way. I realized that every time I went out at night with the VERY strong intent of meeting women and "doing approaches", I clammed up and wouldn't open for the life of me. If I may say so, I'm usually very outgoing, friendly and...gasp...charismatic. As soon as I got the predatory, "I'm going to DO APPROACHES" look in my eyes, the entire night was a bust. I felt too needy and I telegraphed it in all my actions.

Then I stopped going out entirely. Between having to change my lifestyle, find work (which I did), and just no longer feeling like I was making progress, I decided to take a break. I was obsessed. During this time, I got real depressed, real sad. I ate a lot of cookies and ice cream, but eventually I got work - GREAT work. I joined the gym recently. And I made a resolution to build my social circle to the point that iCal would one day just up and crash on my computer as a result of TOO MANY APPOINTMENTS. Notice that nowhere there did I say anything about women? Yeah, that's just not a "goal" of mine right now.

I know a lot of people advocate having a strong goal of "MEET WOMEN SLEEP WITH WOMEN", but I feel that it is just not organic. What do I mean by that? Most of the guys I know outside this community do not think that way. They're not constantly self-analyzing, trying to figure out what went wrong, thinking "OK, tonight I'm going to DO APPROACHES!" They are just good people living fairly normal lives. Everything they do is authentic. It's not like they're doing what some book told them to do. In other words, they're normal.

The bottom line is, some people just got lucky and were born with an innate sense of building a social circle. Some people like me were not so gifted. Don't lament this if you're on the same side of the coin as I am - this is just another skill you will have to learn. Some people just have a natural tendency towards certain things. Mozart was born with an innate understanding of music.

That doesn't mean that if you were not, you can never be a great composer. The baroque and classical eras turned out a great number of successful composers by teaching them, not because there were an inordinate number of musical geniuses born in those few hundred years.

The good news is that it's not hard to learn. You have to have a certain level of competency for dealing with other people, which is not something I will cover, but if you can hold a 5 minute conversation with someone and leave them smiling, that's all you need to do.

STEP ZERO: You probably have a cell phone like I do. If not, you should. The first thing I want you to do is look at your phone list and make note of everyone around your age, around your area. For some people this will be 3 or 4 people. For some, it might be ONE. For some, it might be hundreds. It doesn't matter. What we're going to do here is leverage the multiplier effect of networking. The initial number only impacts how many iterations you need to do.

STEP ONE: Pick up your phone and text message everyone on that list. Your message should be short, and it should either suggest something to do, or that you and that person should meet up. Male or female, it should be non-sexual. Your goal here is to make a network, not get a quick lay. Unless I have a specific activity I know the person would like, or that we do together, I usually just suggest drinks or lunch or dinner. I'll often remark that I haven't seen them in a while. Not all of them will reply, not all will want to make plans, etc. You need to repeat this step, along with the next, until you start hanging out with people.

STEP TWO: ALWAYS BE CLOSING! No, I don't mean you should fuck the guy in the next cubicle at work. I mean that every single time, and I MEAN...EVERY SINGLE TIME, you meet someone new and spend any time with them (more than like 30 minutes or so?), close them. Get their info. Make sure they have yours. Make what I call "vague future plans". You know these. "We'll have to hang out soon!" "Yeah, we'll definitely check out that exhibit like you said." This is just good sales technique because it puts you and them on the same page. You want to hang out, so you show them that it's OK that they want to hang out as well. It takes the pressure off. Where do you MEET new people though? Well...I'll get there. This section is for things like work, birthday parties, etc.

So now you're in the habit of getting contact info from everyone you meet. Naturally, many of these people will be in your area and around your age. Where did we see that phrase? Right! In step one. So now you're also in the habit of periodically messaging or calling everyone in your area around your age, and you're slowly building up that list. This is how it starts to catalyze itself.

STEP THREE: Make plans like a madman. I'd say that unless you're really lucky, or good, a lot of your plans will fall through. That's normal. People are stupid, forgetful, and ignorant. Just have enough going on that any given plan falling through is not a big deal. We have to get to that level, so just make many plans. They don't have to be big plans, or even very good plans. The idea is that you are a) out of your house and/or b) with other people. So now you've texted or called everyone on "the list" and made plans with some of them. GO TO THOSE EVENTS YOU PLANNED. Don't bail. This relates to...

STEP THREE POINT FIVE: Accept plans religiously. This is almost the "big secret" to social networking. Say yes as MUCH as you can. If you say no, do so for a good reason. I will always decline plans on a week night that would keep me up past 11pm because I get up at 5 or 6 am some mornings. This is etched in stone because my health and my job are very important to me these days. I will always tell the person why I am declining and ensure them that "we should hang out this weekend or something instead". You have NO IDEA how much this helps. In High School I found out that I didn't get invited to a lot of things with some of my friends because "I usually didn't want to come anyway." I was always the guy who didn't feel like it. That's different from being busy; being busy means that you'd love to but cannot. Not wanting to means your a fucking lame-ass. Say yes to everything unless you are actually afraid for your safety.

STEP FOUR - GENESIS: Be the person who comes up with shit to do. It's wonderful when your friends come up with shit to do, but if you're the one making the plans, you're "the man". Remember, rule three point five says you still have to say yes to just about everything, but when you're not doing stuff that friends come up with, do stuff yourself. Invite people out to a bar or restaurant, or have people over to watch "the game". Whatever it is, you're the focal point, not a hanger-on. This is the same as "giving value". People who just go to other people's events a lot can get by just fine, but they will never reach the stratosphere of social networking. You have to be the genesis of activities sometimes.

BRINGING IT ALL HOME: So here are our pillars - Contact people regularly, Always get contact info from new people you meet, Constantly make plans, Always say yes, and Generate activities. I think by now you should be able to see where I'm going with this. Lets say you have 3 friends. How many people do THEY know? Lets just say that your 3 friends all know 3 different people themselves. And those 3*3 people all know 3 people. That's 3+9+27, 39 people in total. Maybe that doesn't sound like a lot, but it only takes 25% of those people wanting to hang out in a given week to totally book your schedule if you work a normal 40 hour work week. So you see, it doesn't actually take THAT much work to get there. It's just a matter of following the rules and making them into good habits. What if we take it one level deeper? This is where it starts getting insane: those 27 people each knowing 3 people rockets up to an additional 81 people, putting your total at 120. You may not like some of them, some may be flakey, some may move out of state, etc. With 120 people, it doesn't take but 10% of them to want to hang out with you to book you solid. You see how quickly it catalyzes itself?

I want everyone to notice that up until now I have not said one word about getting girls. Gender is irrelevant because eventually you will have many of both gender of friends. Having female friends you don't fuck is a good thing. A girl I met recently explained to me that she's an excellent wing without me even asking. Why? Because I invited her to do shit. It's that easy. If a girl like that, who you have never fucked, likes you, she can and WILL help you get other women. Never mind the social proof of having women in your group when you go out.

This entire system just plays the odds. With that many women in your social circle, you will almost assuredly have many for whom you have whet their appetite. I specifically "tone down" the pickup shit when I'm doing social circle stuff because honestly, it's all a little weird. Social circle game is easy. When I'm "working it" with the women in my circle, I am a vicious merciless flirt and I make gratuitous use of The Claw. The Claw is fantastic in social circle

flirtation. Since you're "in" the circle you're not dangerous, so the Claw has room to work. Use it, love it. It works. Be physically dominating, but don't go overboard. I seem to have a knack for being physically dominating but at the same time keeping it very gentle. Example: Last night I picked a girl up off her feet quite swiftly, but then very gently laid her down across my lap. If you're gentle while being dominating, that's mind-blowingly sexy.

You really want to melt the brains of the women and men in your Circle? Do cold approaches while you're with them. People somehow think this is the coolest shit on the planet, and will heretofore regard you as some manner of super hero.

This is not meant to replace cold approaching entirely, but I can guarantee that it will make your whole game far far tighter. When you're at a bar or lounge and have a woman on either side of you, in your arms, then you can try telling me about "approach anxiety".

Talk to everyone you know. Make plans with everyone you know. Meet everyone that THEY know. Make plans with them and talk to them. Make plans yourself and invite everyone you know to them. Next time, have them invite everyone they know. Hire a personal assistant because you'll have more plans than there are hours in the day. Good luck.

http://socialcircletraining.com/

http://www.peopleskillsdecoded.com/how-to-build-social-skills/

10 Tips to building Social circle

10 Tips to building Social Circle ________________________________________In response to Rain's post about "The Challenges of Becoming the Center of Your Social Circle""It can often be assumed, and therefore exploited, that people who associate with one another share many of the same views, ideas, habits, etc. Which is one reason why material designed for these subgroups works so well within that context and horribly within others. But this sameness represents an often insurmountable wall, at least on a long-term basis."

That's why you build your own social circle attracting everyone who share the same views, ideas, habits, beliefs, etc.

1. You have your core group that share the same passion and you expand with others that share it with you guys.

2. You have the close friends in your group help strengthen your own network by bringing their friends into it and vice versa.

3. Offer value! That's a big one. You have to give value if you want to recieve any. Why would soemone want to be your friend? Realistically if ur just a social guy whos cool and doesn't have a common interest

or doesn't play the same sport as them, WHY would they be friends with you? Sure they could be acquaintances but YOU wouldn't normally even be friensd with someone who has nothing in common with you besides the desperate fact that you want more friends/people to hang out with. Thats not necessarily desperate but just making a point here. You CAN make friends the way you're doing it don't make it an uphill battle and use other things to your advantage.

4. Obviously you're next question is: How do I offer Value? What do I have to offer anyone? Well read a book called Never Eat Alone (which is where I learned alot about networking), and Dale Carnegie's how to win friends. THat would teach you how to network, make friends, and offer value. Am i dodging the question? Nope thats exactly how you offer value, you TEACH/talk to people about how to offer value, how to network, make friends, how to get the value they seek, and expand their social life. (I'm doing it NOW for you if u don't realize.) Other ways to offer value is to give people advice and recommendations. Here are some of mine, read the Power of Now, great spiritual book and inner game advice. It changed the way i thought and helped me right away. Read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, espcially habit #5. Here's your strongest value to offer....... teach people the underground super secret technique and methodology to meeting women!

5. Talk in terms of offering value for others, not in terms of what you can take from them. Even if it's apparent that you just want to hang with them to get into their parties or whatever, talk to them about bringing girls, getting the word out about the party, tell them about parties you know, etc.

6. Stop relying on drifting from one social circle to another and trying to be the 'leader.' Some good friendships are formed when YOU are the mentee, and they are your teacher. Make friends with someone who would love to teach you what they're good at. The first thing you can offer to them is your interest in their skills. Whether its a sport, a club, poker, video games, getting girls (im usually the one teaching them), making money, music, dancing, yoga, fashion. Be someone to explore their world, culture, social clique, etc. I've done it with gay people's world (im not gay but they lived in my dorm and were friends with lots of women).

7. Friendships are built over time and are easier to build over common interests. When you meet someone over a business meeting, make sure you FOLLOW-up or else it would turn out pretty pointless most of the time. Just say "It was a pleasure meeting you, keep in touch." Whether its through facebook, email, a quick voicemail.

8. Ping people occasionally. Pinging means to just throw a quick voicemail message or a call to someone to ask how they are doing, be genuinely interested (or try to be) in their life, ask for updates on their whatever from the last time you talked. It doesn't have to be all structured and formal, just make them feel significant and know that someone was thinking of them. (That's where Dale Carnegie's advice comes in directly.) It's important to invest your time and attention to nurture your friendships, but don't think it requires alot of time and attention to do so. I juggle a few social circles and sometimes I don't talk to one of them for a month or so.

9. Make friends with the super-connectors. These are people LIKE you who have a massive network of friends or know alot of people. Does this mean they are the big pimps and center of every social gathering/party? No! It simply means they are the source and hub to connect others. It could be a club promoter, a party thrower, the leader of any club (thats the main one, talk to the leader of your lair). You could be in the background but be very appreciated and acknowledged by the high rollers of any place. They also share the same ideas, beliefs, mindset, and goals as YOU do. So there you have something in common.

10. This is the most important when you're building your social network. "People are inherently selfish" -Who the fuck knows Even you are and understanding that is important. When people stop picking up your phone calls, or don't care enough to return your message, get bored of you pinging them, only try to TAKE value from YOU by talkign to you only for their self-gain, or make excuses of how they're busy to hang out, etc. is COMPLETELY normal! Who cares, its life. In fact if you take a look at yourself you'll realize that you do this all the time. Usually it's the close friends that would continuously give value to you with nothing in return but your good friendship to them. The best way to maintian a relation/friendship is to make it a Win/Win friendship where you both gain something, mutual benefits. This is the most important one because most people blame it on themselves, or think they suck at life and no one wants to hang out with them just because they feel 'rejected' by someone. I'm someone who is fairly good at social networking, friends with expert networkers in the PUA community, business world, and other worlds and I'm telling you it's 100% NORMAL for this to happen and it STILL does happen. Just like PUA's get FLAKES, it's no big deal, life goes on and you keep working at it to expand your social life bigger and bigger.

I really went out of my way to type this up but i guess i could just post it for my lair. I lead the lair here at Indiana University. Talk to people about this topic and that's offering alot of value in and itself. They would get back to you and thank you when they go out and strengthen their own network. Then what do you know? You guys are friends and you have a new social circle!

The Rapport Ladder – Part 1

Posted In Social Circle Dynamics September 6, 2011 | 7 comments

By Greg Greenway.

Let me ask you a question. Do you have a friend that you enjoy hanging out with?

You guys are cool, the two of you get along, and you can spend time together on a 1-on-1 basis.

However, this same friend, you wouldn’t introduce he or she to your boss for example, or university friends maybe.

Have you ever met someone who always talks about parties or events they go to. They’re always telling you about the great time they had over the weekend, or showing you pictures of their adventures…

But this person NEVER seems to invite you along. Even though you guys hang out with each other and seem to have a good relationship.

This is all due to the RAPPORT LADDER. It is a hierarchy of levels of rapport that dictate the social relationship of one individual to another.

 

 

Level 1 – No Rapport

Pretty self explanatory. There is no rapport or relationship between the 2 individuals. They are strangers.

 

Level 2 – 1on1 Rapport

This is probably the most common stage for most people.

This is the level where you’ll have enough rapport with an individual that they will be comfortable spending time with you on a 1on1 basis.

Going for a coffee, having a quiet chat at the bar. That kind of thing etc.

Most friendships and casual acquaintances are at this level.

 

Level 3 – Introducing Rapport

This is the level of rapport you should all be aiming for, and is the most beneficial for enhancing your social circle.

Introductory rapport is when you have reached a stage in your relationship with someone that they will actively introduce you to others in their social circles.

This is crucial. If people that you meet don’t feel comfortable introducing you into their social circle, then you’re stuck and you can’t get this area of your life handled.

 

Level 4 – Commodity Rapport

Rapport with you is a commodity.

People actively seek you out to try and be part of your social circle. The first 3 levels are absolutely critical for succeeding in your social life. However, this level, is really only useful if you are building your own social circle.

If you have created your own social circle, you will likely be the one with the most SOCIAL POWER in that circle.

When you have SOCIAL POWER in a certain social setting and you reach this level. People will keep trying to meet you, and being introduced to you will be the goal of many on the fringes of that circle.

 

Level 5 – Rapport Defining

YOU define rapport.

You set trends and people look to you for instruction and use you as a benchmark.

A rare level, reserved for those at the very top of social circles with a high visibility to all the members of that circle.

 

Study the RAPPORT LADDER, because understanding it will take you a long way to your SOCIAL CIRCLE goals.

The Rapport Ladder – Part 2

Posted In Social Circle Dynamics September 28, 2011 | 2 comments

By Greg Greenway.

So in The Rapport Ladder Part – 1, I introduced revealed the mechanisms that underpin how two people relate to each other in a social environment.

Understanding how the ladder works is really important for navigating your way through Social Circles.

In this part I’m going to briefly show how you can move through the different levels of THE RAPPORT LADDER.

First off, here’s the LADDER again, so you can remind yourself of the levels.

 

 

Level 1 – Level 2

This is the most common transition. It is the process where 2 people meet and they’re strangers; to those 2 people forming a relationship.

Moving from Level 1 to Level 2, is largely due to what I call HUMAN RAPPORT.

In a nutshell, HUMAN RAPPORT is anything that makes you a person that people want to be around.

The most powerful features of HUMAN RAPPORT, or RAPPORT ACCELERATORS are:

Familiarity / Face Time Commonalities / Similarity Recognition

Working on these 3 features will rapidly move you from Level 1 to Level 2.

 

Level 2 – Level 3

As you get to Level 2 of the rapport ladder, face time, commonalities and recognition will not be enough to move to the other levels.

These are the stages where your UTILITY to the individual must be demonstrated to move to the level of INTRODUCTORY RAPPORT.

UTILITY is a way of subjectively appraising one person’s arbitrary value to that of another person. I know that sounds a little confusing, but don’t worry, I’ll cover UTILITY in more detail in another article.

You will only be at the level of INTRODUCTORY RAPPORT with a person when your utility with them is high. This results in them introducing you to others in their social circles.

 

Level 3 – Level 4

Imagine the scenario where you are at an event or party, and people continuously come to introduce themselves to you. Everybody is looking for you, everyone is trying to meet you, everyone is trying to be your friend.

You move from INTRODUCTORY RAPPORT to COMMODITY RAPPORT, by being an authority in that given SOCIAL CIRCLE. Your value is so high in that situation; you fit the UTILITY of the majority of members of this SOCIAL CIRCLE.

If you were in an SOCIAL CIRCLE based on investing money, and you were well known for making millions of returns on your investment, everyone who’s UTILITY was success in investment (the majority of those in the SOCIAL CIRCLE), would seek you out and desire to be in rapport with you.

 

Level 4 – Level 5

To get to the RAPPORT DEFINING level you must not only be an authority with a high UTILITY to the people in the social circle, you must also have a strong level of HUMAN RAPPORT with them.

If people are desiring to meet you as in level 4, they may not actually know you, or have a relationship with you. To get to level 5, you must have a strong relationship, or at the very least be very visible to the other members of the social circle.

Superstar celebrities are an example of people who are in the RAPPORT DEFINING category.

When this is the case, those individuals, will look to you as a benchmark and as a trend setter.

 

I hope this helps you understand THE RAPPORT LADDER better. Its an important concept that will help you in your SOCIAL CIRCLE goals.

How To Remain In A Social Circle

Posted In Accessing Social Circles June 13, 2012 | 1 comment

Getting access into a Social Circle is only half the job. If you don’t pay special attention to a specific concept then you may gain access to the Social Circle or group, but it will be very short lived. 

There are 2 types of people in any social circle that you have to pay attention to. The first is the person with Social Influence, the second which this article is about, is the person with Social Power.

Social Influence (SI) is the number of people a person can connect with at any given time. Social Power (SP) is the possession of command or control over a persons thought or behaviour. People with SI connect you to other people, people with SP connect you to resources.

SP is entirely based on context. Your boss would have Social Power in your workplace, but would have no Social Power in your friends Social Circle.

It’s effectively the head of a Social Circle. If a person or person’s seem to have control over what everyone does, thinks or say’s then that individual has the most Social Power.

The person with Social Power has a very important role in every Social Circle.

They provide endorsement into the Social Circle.

Once in a Social Circle, in order for you to remain a fixture in that circle or group, you need to be endorsed. That is someone needs to give all the other members of the group/circle the indication that you have been accepted.

The person with Social Power does this. They have the biggest impact on what the people in the social circle/group think and perceive. So without their “endorsement”, you will never remain in the Social Circle.

You get the person of SP’s endorsement by building rapport with them using The Rapport Accelerators. Once you’ve got to 1-on-1 Rapport with the person of SP then you’ll have cracked that Social Circle and you’ll be a permanent member if you choose to be.

How To Make Friends And Build Rapport

Posted In Social Circle Tips January 6, 2012 | 7 comments

By Greg Greenway.

How to make friends easily?

How to build Rapport quickly and powerfully?

What’s the quickest way to connect with people?

The trick is using 6 key strategies that I call Rapport Accelerators.

They will turbo-charge your relationships with people, and you can begin to implement the techniques as soon as you finish reading this.

 

1. Familiarity

Sometimes called the “Mere Exposure Effect”.

This is the principle that the more someone sees you, the more likeable you are to them.

It’s why the hospitality industry is a multi billion dollar industry worldwide. Those companies understand how powerful it is for rapport, that they see their clients regularly.

You can create the same effect in your everyday life.

You do this by having a routine. Go to the same bars, coffee shops, gyms, supermarkets at a regular time. You don’t have to do this forever, but a few weeks is ideal. Especially if you have just moved to a new area, or you are kick starting your social circle.

Having a routine around the people or type of people you are trying to build rapport with, will mean that they get to see you on a regular basis thus building Rapport due to Familiarity.

 

2. Commonalities & Similarities

Similarity refers to how closely attitudes, values, interests and personality match between people. Research has consistently shown that similarity leads to friendships and intimate relationships.

If you’ve heard of the saying, birds of a feather flock together, then thats what we are talking about here.

Commonality is slightly different. It’s a deliberate attempt to find something in common in order to build up camaraderie and trust.

You don’t have to be similar to someone to have things in common.

Similarity is stronger, but commonality is easier. You don’t want to be faking similarity. If you are similar to someone, they will feel a stronger affinity to you.

The best form of Commonality is shared experiences or bonding. Think about phone calls vs a holiday away together.

When you have a chance to share experiences with people, take it. It will be fantastic for your Rapport building efforts.

 

3. Recognition

I mentioned this when I gave you 4 tips to kick start your Soclai Circle in the New Year.

Read it here

In a nutshel, if you remember personal details about someone, you will build Rapport with them fast. This in my opinion is the most powerful of the Rapport Accelerators.

So try it out. Pay attention to what people are saying and make an effort to remember at least one personal detail about them.

 

4. Zapper vs Sapper

My old sports coach came up with a scheme to encourage us to give more to the collective effort of the team.

The scheme wanted us to be ZAPPERS not SAPPERS.

This idea works really well when building Rapport.

A Zapper is someone who infuses people with their positive energy. They ZAP you with their personality and good emotions.

A Sapper is someone who is consistently negative. The SAP your energy and your emotional resources. They give you shitty deals and are generally takers.

Everyone loves a Zapper, and although Sappers are everywhere, socially savvy people are very aware of others who Sap their resources.

You want people to enjoy being around you, so ensure you are making an effort to be a Zapper and not a Sapper.

 

5. Mirroring

This is a pseudo psychology trick, that you would probably have seen on TV or in movies. It’s when you copy someones body language or voice tone to try and build Rapport with them.

While you are talking, they cross their arms, so you cross your arms also.

You are sitting down, and someone leans towards you, you lean toward them also.

This technique works well in the short term, if you are trying to build Rapport with someone in that present moment. It’s more a means of influence than a way of building strong Rapport, but I figured I would include it anyway, as it can still be effective in interactions.

 

6. Reciprocity

The act of giving in order to receive. I’ve left this till last, because although it is a Rapport Accelerator, I’ve developed the concept of giving,  into something I call Utility, which I will talk more about in my next article.

The main thing to remember about Reciprocity is that your Rapport with people will grow if you are constantly giving without expecting something in return.

If you know exactly what to give people, then you can sky rocket your standing with a person, and this is how my Utility Theory works.

But more about that next time…

Social Circle Tips For The New Year

Posted In Social Circle Tips, Uncategorized December 29, 2011 | 11 comments

By Greg Greenway.

As the New Year approaches, it’s the perfect time to put new philospohies into practice, kick start your self improvement.

Well I want to give you 4 tips for the New Year that you can use to kick start your social circle.

You can go put these tactics into practice straight away and you’ll see an instant improvement in your Social life.

 

1. Have a Plan.

There’s a saying that goes:

“You need the map before you get into the woods.”

I really like that saying, it’s important to know what your goals look like. Know what your ideal social life looks like.

If you know what your explicit goals are, and you know what you want your ideal life to look like, then it becomes ten times easier to get there.

So, think hard about what you want to achieve. Write it down. Try and create a mental picture. Then you have a start point (where you are now) and an end point (where you want to be).

Then by using the strategies in Social Circle Training, you can start working towards reaching that goal.

 

2. Create a Routine

One of the biggest hurdles you’ll face when trying to improve your social life is adding new people to your Social Circle.

It’s a common problem to try and do too much when first meeting someone, as you are eager to add them to your circle. Well this can be detrimental as your eagerness can actually hurt your chances.

Try Hard = Die Hard

Remember that.

If you try too hard to gain rapport with people, it will come across as needy, and this is something that you want to avoid.

Creating a routine gets around this problem as you will naturally see people over and over again. When you see people regularly, you don’t have to do too much in any interaction.

You can spread out how you build your relationship with a person making it much more low key, less pressure and more natural.

So, create a routine in the New Year. Try and go to the same place regularly. The same gym, the same coffee shop, the same bar etc.

 

3. Talk to everyone

Once you’ve created your routine, talk to everyone. There are so many opportunities for conversations every single day. The cashier at the supermarket, the ticket person on your train, the person at the petrol station. These are all people you can begin talking to very easily.

I often hear people talking about how they need to get “warmed up” before they can start being social. Well being social is like a muscle. You have to keep it exercised and keep it warmed up. If you’re in the habit of talking to everyone then it will be very easy to strike up a conversation in those situations where it is important to your social circle.

 

4. Recognition

I had an old school teacher who was absolutely outstanding with people. Every time he would talk to someone, that person would leave with a smile on their face. Watching hi work a room was a thing of beauty.

I managed to ask him what his secret was. What was he doing or saying that made everyone he met to so happy to have chatted with him for a brief moment.

Well what he shared was so simple it was genius.

His secret was RECOGNITION.

He told me that he would always remember a personal detail about someone, and then he would bring it up when he saw them again.

Details like their family life, their job, their passions, their hopes, their fears.

Once I started incorporating this tactic into my interactions with people, I started to connect with them on a much deeper level. I actually believe it is one of the most powerful ways to build rapport with someone.

So try it out. Pay attention to what people are saying and make an effort to remember at least one personal detail about them. It doesn’t even have to be their name.

The barista at my local coffee shop; I always forget her name, but I always remember that she has an unruly puppy called skye. Skye has a penchant for chewing up her uniform so I always bring this up when I see her.

I get my morning mocha for free with an extra flake as a result.

The Power Of Inside Jokes

Posted In Social Circle Tips April 25, 2012 | 10 comments

It is essential you know the biggest mistake most people make that you absolutely must avoid if you want to implant yourself in a high end social circle…or any social circle for that matter.

A common complaint I get from some of my students, is that they’ve managed to get their foot through the door of a social circle, but after a couple of meetings, or attending one of the social circle’s activities, they never get a second invite.

It’s always a result of 2 things.

I’ll cover the second thing in another article, but today I’m going to address one of the reasons.

Get this wrong and you’ll constantly find yourself in a social “no man’s land”…

Getting the first invite, but never getting the second, third and so on.

The mistake many make is becoming identified as a Freeloader.

Every Social Circle has 5 types of people.

 

People with Social Power…

People with Social Influence…

Social Cheerleaders…

Social Loafers…

and Social Freeloaders…

 

The most effective way to avoid being seen as a Freeloader is to learn the inside jokes of the group.

Let’s practice this real quick.

Below is a picture of Cecil’s relatives…

 

Now if you’re thinking what the hell, or have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, that’s ok.

Only my friends from a specific social circle will know the connection between the name Cecil, rubber ducks, and why this is funny.

And that’s how inside jokes work. The people who understand the inside jokes are obviously meant to be in the social circle. Those who don’t understand the inside jokes are quickly identified as freeloaders and they are filtered out pretty quickly.

Have you ever been in the scenario when you’re with a social group you have just met, and you feel like they keep having these secret jokes that you have no idea the meaning of?

Almost like they’re speaking a secret language only they understand? Well the members of the social circle are not doing this to be mean or to make you feel left out. It’s a defence mechanism. 

When faced with a new member who may or may not be a right fit for the social circle, the group has to make sure the new addition isn’t a freeloader and is willing to become invested.

However if you learn the groups inside jokes quickly, by asking specific key questions you’ll be in a situation where within 30 mins you’re laughing and joking with everyone, and by the time you leave, they’ll be begging you to come hang out with them again as soon as you can.

Go out and try it tonight. Look out for the inside jokes and try to understand them as soon as possible, so you can avoid being seen as a Freeloader

Value vs Utility

Posted In Social Circle Tips January 12, 2012 | 16 comments

By Greg Greenway.

Everybody harks on about adding value as a way of building relationships and getting better with people socially. Well in practice, giving value is much too simplistic.

What is of value to me is not necessarily of value to you.

I value things like personal freedom, my free time, friendship etc

Compare that with someone who values things like their career or making money for example.

It’s safe to say that if you wanted my help with something or to build rapport with me, appealing to what I value would be the best way to go about getting it.

That would be different to a person who values different things.

Different people place different amounts of value on different things. This is why Value as a term isn’t good enough.

This is why we use UTILITY.

UTILITY is the measure of relative satisfaction or gratification from any perceived outcome.

It’s subjective value, specific to each individual and can even be specific to certain situations.

 

The Utility Game

Human Rapport and the Rapport Accelerators often provide enough Utility to people, but there are times when it doesn’t.

When you are providing Human Rapport and you reach a sticking point ie, you aren’t getting to Introductory Rapport, you need to look at what Utlity it is that you are not providing.

People’s Utilities are diverse and they may change from time to time.

Figuring them out is the trick…this is The Utility Game.

Playing the Utility Game is essential to getting really good socially. We know it’s all about giving targeted and specific value, so how do we figure this out.

You listen.

People give off a mountain of information when they talk, you just need to practice listening to the information and sifting it out.

Once you get to a stage of being able to identify people’s Utilities you can be much more savvy in how you give to others, ensuring that you’re really hitting ehat they actually want.

When people talk to you, listen to what they place emphasis on, what they seem passionate about, what makes them smile or frown. Use all this infrotmation to identify their Utility and then give it to them.

How To Network

Posted In Social Circle Tips June 16, 2012 | 5 comments

How To Network effectively can put you in front of your most desired business and professional contacts. This can mean the best clients with the deepest pockets; or that one connection to the job or career of your dreams.

Whatever your goal, next time you find yourself at a professional gathering, or networking event, use the tips below to effectively maximise the potential of the event.

Stage 1 – Before The Event

Objectives

Know ahead of time what you want to achieve. Increase your network? Get access to resources? Simply to mingle. Having objectives will give you a targeted and more focused approach.

Mindsets To Adopt

This is a big one. You are not going to “Work The Room”. I see this a lot. Someone gets it into their head, that they need to work a room, and go around trying to meet as many people as possible. That may work in a room of people who aren’t very socially savvy, but when around socially powerful and people with influence in your area of interest this tactic will just serve to annoy people.

You want to build Rapport as opposed to “Pitching” yourself or business, and that rapport should be with a few people. Ironically it’s most effective to approach networking not as networking at all, but more as socialising, with a little more refinement.

 

Stage 2 – At The Event

Observe The Room

Don’t just dive in. You want to observe the room and know where the hotspots are. Being comfortable with your surroundings will make you more comfortable in general. If you are shy then you may want to stand somewhere that has a high traffic flow etc.

Introduce Yourself

Big warm smile, solid eye contact “Hey, I’m Greg” Simplicity always wins.

Building Rapport

As I said before, it’s all about building rapport. Your Utility is generally irrelevant, everyone has something to offer. When you have rapport with someone, you have their trust, and they are more open and receptive to your ideas. Building rapport should always be your goal.

Don’t talk about work or business initially. There will be plenty of time for that. Share a story about yourself, find out the other person’s interests and passions. You want to concentrate on your commonalities and similarities.

Facilitate Other Introductions

This is golden, and often neglected. If you talk to someone and then introduce them to someone else that is relevant, it does 2 things.

1. It shows you were paying attention

2. It makes you valuable because the majority of people at a networking event are there to meet others.

Million Dollar Introductions

If I said I was giving out a million dollars for the best introduction, how would you introduce me? That’s how you want to introduce people. You want to sell them in the introduction.

After you’ve made the introduction, don’t just leave. Stay for a few minutes and help the conversation along until it’s in full flow.

Exchanging Contact Details

Do this in the middle of the interaction or towards the end, just don’t do it at the end of the conversation. If you look like you are only after the details, then you will like a mercenary. Not good.

Have your card ready to exchange, so when you ask for their card it’s a straight swap.

Take the card, read it back and front, before putting it away.

Exit Strategies

You never want to get bogged down talking to the same person forever, especially if you only have an hour or so.

“Great talking to you, if you don’t mind excusing me for just a sec, [I need to say hello to someone quickly] or [I need to get another drink] or [I'm just going to use the little boys room].”

The reason doesn’t matter as long as you don’t interrupt the person, and you say:  ”It was great talking to you…”

 

Stage 3 – After The Event

Follow up strategies

Email within 24 hours using any “callback” references from your conversations. Perfect time to send a photo as well if you have one.

Your follow up from their depends on a number of factors, and I’m sure you’re getting tired by this point, so I won’t go through all of them.

Essentially if you want a resource, follow up soon and often to continue building rapport. If you are increasing your network, then you can follow up with less frequency. If you built enough rapport when you met, then at this stage you want to invite them for lunch or breakfast to talk about your opportunity.

If you’re just increasing your network, and have nothing in particular you want to access yet, then you want to arrange a breakfast or lunch (max 30mins – an hour), whenever seems comfortable.

Go In For The Kill

At some point you have to go in for the kill. Don’t beat around the bush, high powered/influence people aren’t stupid, they will likely know you want something, but will appreciate being courted. It flatters their ego. However, you have to just come out with what you want dependent on your objectives, and as per usual always concnetrate on what’s in it for them.

The only time when you don’t have to concentrate on what’s in it for them is when you are after an introduction to someone else. If you’ve built enough rapport then simply asking for it will be enough, especially as people with Social Influence are natural connectors, and it’s just what they do.

 

Ok, so that’s my networking tips in brief. Hopefully there are some useful bits and bobs in there for you to use at your next social or professional gathering.

How to use Slow Burn in a Social Circle

Posted In Social Circle Game September 20, 2011 | 3 comments

By Greg Greenway.

One of the most important aspects to remember when embarking on social circle game, is the mindset shift.

Due to the nature of sharing social circles with your potential partner, concepts such as DISCRETION and ABUNDANCE MENTALITY, are so much more important.

Additionally, you are very likely to run into the same women on repeated occasions, meaning you can afford to take your time in the dating/seduction process.

This is when you would use SLOW BURN Game. It is highly effective and practical in a social circle.

Slow burn works by stretching out the dating process, so that you don’t have to rush any of your interactions. In a scenario where you meet a woman that you aren’t sure you will see again, there is a tendency for some men to try and speed up the interaction. ie go for the phone number, or even try to get the girl home the same night or day.

Obviously this can and does work for men on occasion, but very often it doesn’t end up in a significant relationship of any kind. The girl might flake on the phone number; may not be ready to have an intimate encounter with you. There are a variety of reasons beyond your control that would mean a woman would not entertain your advances at a particular given time.

Think about it from a woman’s point of view? Sometimes you’re asking her to make a decision about you based on very little information. A woman who may not want to get to know you after a few minutes, could very easily get into a significant relationship with you if she knew you better.

In a social circle setting, SLOW BURN allows this process to happen.

Because you are all part of the same social circle, you can be fairly certain that you will see the woman again; most likely multiple times.

The first time you may just be introduced to her and you have a brief conversation.

The next time, you may talk further and you find out more about her while she also learns more about your personality as well.

During the course of time that she see’s you on different occasions it allows her to observe you and really see all the good points about your personality and vice versa.

After you’ve seen her a few times over the course of some weeks or months, the FAMILIARITY EFFECT will also kick in.

This is very common in social circle situations. The FAMILIARITY EFFECT or EXPOSURE EFFECT as it sometimes is called, describes the phenomenon of people having more positive emotions to a person the after they have seen them a few times.

Pretty self explanatory, but in a social circle setting, this effect is magnified. For people invested in a social circle, that circle is a place of highly positive emotions. These emotions can also be transferred to the members of the group speeding up rapport. Add that to the other RAPPORT ACCELERATOR that is shared experiences and you have a powerful mix.

I remember a girl who was part of my extended social circle. I saw this girl quite often, but each interaction was never really more than a few minutes long. Simple small talk about each others lives. Pretty mundane stuff actually.

Well, I remember telling her that I was moving away to Los Angeles. She was visibly upset and affected. Complained that she was losing a friend and that she would miss me. Yes I may have seen her quite a lot, but the cumulative time we were actually talking or in each others company would amount to a couple of hours max.

The FAMILIARITY EFFECT is very powerful. It’s why SLOW BURN works so well in a social circle. When you are introduced to someone new in a social circle that takes your fancy, there may not be an opportunity at that point to try and advance the relationship. It may also be inappropriate and could potentially damage your involvement in the social circle.

Be aware of this next time you’re meeting someone that you like in your social circle. There is no need to dive head first at 100 miles an hour. You have time and you can use SLOW BURN to your advantage. Let her have time to grow into your life and grow her interest in you.

Dating Hierarchy in a Social Circle

Posted In Social Circle Game July 25, 2011 | 7 comments

By Greg Greenway.

In every social circle there are invisible hierarchies, or ladders which the women in that circle  are all subtlety aware of. Each woman is somewhat aware of their position on this “imaginary” ladder, and it affects their dating behaviour.

These ladders can be based on a number of different criteria. They can be based on beauty, intelligence, sophistication, money and even promiscuity (or lack of). The higher up in the ladder a woman is placed, the more social power she is going to have in that social group.

If we use a “beauty” ladder, for example. Imagine a social circle or social scene that consists of catwalk models. The most beautiful (and likely the most successful), will almost always be the alpha female, or the female with the most social power. She will likely be the woman that others in the group or scene turn to for direction, and lead the status quo of the group.

One such example is the super model scene of the 90s where Naomi Campbell was the top girl and many reports stated that she had the power to influence many decisions of the bookers and talent agents, including denying some newer models work because she had an issue with them

A little off topic, but how does that tie in with you and your dating life?

The main effect, that you have to pay attention to when dating in your social circle, is that regardless of the basis of the ladder, women will rarely ever date down the ladder. Say you are dating a woman at the bottom of the ladder. You break up with her and you decide that you want to date a woman higher up the ladder. You’re going to find this very difficult.

For a woman to date the same guys as another woman lower down this imaginary ladder, it would mean that she was lowering her perceived value to the level of the woman lower down. Most girls will have anxiety doing this, especially if they have a lot invested in the group. So your advances will become quickly scuppered as the new girl you have your eyes on will want to keep her “place” in the group.

In order to identify what criteria is being used for the ladder, you have to understand the groups utility and especially the dating utility. These vary from group to group. Say for example the

dating utility of a social circle is “promiscuity”. Then the girls who are more promiscuous or slutty, will find themselves lower down the ladder. This may not have an effect on how the girls interact with each other, but will almost certainly have an effect on how they perceive you and your actions to the group. Date the girls that are perceived as being more slutty, then the prim and proper girls will be less open to your advances and vice versa.

This is a lot more important and common in social circles where beauty isn’t the driving force. High school is an example, and so is the workplace. This also applies to the women that you are seen with outside of the social circle as well.

I have painted a rather black and white picture to illustrate the point, and in reality it is not this set in stone. There are shades of grey, but this is something that the majority of women in social circles are aware of on some level.

How do you use this knowledge to your advantage?

Simple…

You take your time.

When meeting a woman for the first time, especially one that has a lot of social influence, it may be an idea to give it a while before you dive in and make your move. She may introduce you to her social circle or social scene and their may be a number of other women more suited to your tastes. And if you weren’t aware of these ladders, you may have already disqualified yourself from what could be your dream girl.

Something to consider next time you strike up a conversation at the bar.

Reveal a secret = Make a friend

Hey,

Today I want to talk about something that you can’t guess by yourself unless you’re super smart and you watch how people make friends… like a scientist.

I didn’t guess it, it took me a while to realize and understand, gathering information pieces from pretty much everywhere until it finally clicked in my mind.

So, want to make a friend? Reveal a secret. They will instinctively feel close to you and want to spend more time with you.

Why does it work?

If someone reveals a secret to you, would you betray them? Maybe you won’t, because, he can reveal that and get you embarrassed.

So if you give someone one of your secrets, he or she will think that she can trust you now. You won’t make him or her look bad to other people.

Maybe you’re used to doing this with your long term friends… yeah that’s how much that works… it works after a long while.

Only friends reveal secrets to each other. Maybe you’re used to doing this with your long term friends… yeah that’s how much that works… it works after a long while.

But if you want friends fast, then do it early on !

What secret to reveal? What am I f*cking talking about?

Well, reveal something a lil bit weird about you. For me, it’s clear, I’m into Self Improvement books too much.

If you hop on my car and I turn the key, the radio goes on and you hear Brian Tracy Talking LOL… or David Allen, or Richard Bandler… I always have these CDs playing in my car. Either that or some CD about business or marketing.

And I mention it whenever I want to make someone feel close to me.

So, pick something a bit weird,… but not too weird. Maybe you do something on Sunday that’s a lil out there. Or maybe you’re into Japanese movies or you listen to the music that your parents used to dance to!

Anyway,… reveal something weird,… but not too weird.

How does it work?

Use this with someone you don’t know that well and see how they open up to you more. They’ll start to listen closely to you, their face will relax and they’ll have a more sincere look in their eyes.

That’s when you know you’re talking to a real person and not a mask and you’re about to start becoming close.

Go on! Play with this until the next article.

Expand Your Social Circle With These 4 Tips And Date More Women

Posted by Carlos | Posted on 28-08-2010

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If you want to meet more women, then make sure you expand your social circle. I’ll show you why and how to do it with ANY social circle within days.

Before I explain how to expand your social circle, I want you to know what’s in it for you if you do first:

- The freedom to choose who to date after you expand your social circle… and more

- The freedom to create a lifestyle that attracts the people and events into your life that make you confident and happy

- The freedom of creating a social circle as big as you want that gives you endless amounts of fun and a way to achieve your goals, no matter what goals you have

That’s what I want to give you. I can almost hear you think: “Why is he telling me this?”

When you expand your social circle you will have the 3 freedoms I just described. Once you read my tips for how to expand your social circle you’ll realize just how important your circle of friends is for your dating success and for your success in life.

I already talked about meeting women through your social circle in my previous blog about how to improve your lifestyle, but I’ve got even more tips for you! Time to get down to business. Let’s take a look at my tips.

Tip #1 To Expand Your Social Circle: Be Pro-active

Ninety percent of the population on this little rock in space we call planet Earth makes friends in a reactive way. Not good!

Just imagine how your social circle came into existence…

You go to college and so happen to sit next to this dude in Spanish class. This dude starts talking about basketball and as a NBA junkie you react. You discover you two have other things in common as well, so you become friends… but…

What would have happened if you did NOT sit down next to the guy? Chances are he would have never become your friend. This is the “voodoo” behind expanding your social circle that many people suffer from: they let their lives be determined by pure chance a little too much.

That’s NOT how to expand your social circle man.

Don’t let this be you: don’t just REACT to the people and events in your direct environment. No. If we use the basketball example then you should pro-actively seek out other NBA junkies.

Be pro-active when you want to expand your social circle (still using the basketball example here):

- Find NBA fan clubs and get heavily involved in them: go to all meetings and connect with people- Go to as many NBA games of your favorite team(s) as you can and talk to the people there- Get on a forum or in a Facebook group about basketball and get to know the people there

I can almost hear you think: “What’s in it for me? What’s the use? Why befriend pro-actively instead of in a reactive way?”

1) You never know who your new friends know, but they always know women. They always know single women you can meet. Know what I mean? Let that social circle magic work FOR YOU, not against you: get introduced, to everyone… everywhere.

2) Pro-actively socializing means practising your conversational skills and your social skills. Women talk. Women talk a whole damn lot. So trust me: you NEED the practice.

3) The women at the events or clubs or sites of your favorite pass time. Think about it. Why are they there? They are either with someone or it’s a favorite pass time of theirs. That makes talking to them wayyyyy easier, because a social circle usually starts with a common interest.

Let’s be real here for a second my friend: you need some confidence to say more than 3 words to total strangers, but I’ve got your back with my Inner Game newsletter. It helps you improve your confidence so you can actually start doing the 3 things I just mentioned.

Tip #2 On How To Expand Your Social Circle: Befriend A Connector

What is a connector? It’s important that you know this so you can expand your social circle. Here’s what Wikipedia reveals:

“Connectors are said by author Malcolm Gladwell to be people in a community who know large numbers of people and who are in the habit of making introductions. A connector is essentially the social equivalent of a computer network hub. Connectors usually know people across an array of social, cultural, professional, and economic circles, and make a habit of introducing people who work or live in different circles.”

In my own words: connectors are the people with a HUGE social circle who hook you up. They easily expand your social circle.

They’re the ones that introduce you to the boys that have the exam before you need to make it. Hell, they’re probably the most popular people in school.

They’re the ones that introduce you to another guy from the company about a better job while you didn’t see any job vacancies. They’re the ones that expand your social circle FOR YOU.

They’re the ones that introduce you to a woman from their own social circle that might be your type…

How to find them? First you have to know the two types of connectors before you can ever hope to expand your social circle:

1) The ultra-social2) The working connector

The ultra-socialIt’s easy to find them, because they always seem to have access to things you’re looking for or would like to have. And off course: they always have people around them because they’re ultra-social.

As soon as you see or hear about “the guy who knows someone who can?” You’re about to meet a connector. Befriend him (or her!), because again: you never know who they know. You don’t know the women he can introduce you to… lots of women…

Since they know people from all walks of life? A connector almost guarantees that you’ll make new friends every time you hang out with them. It’s the fastest way to expand your social circle.

The working connectorThe working connector HAS TO socialize. It’s his job. He (or she) is either a DJ, promoter, doorman or bartender. People who have one of these 4 jobs need to expand their circle of friends or they will get less tips. Or … they get fired because they don’t bring in enough money for the clubs and bars they work for.

Befriending a working connector is easy once you know the tricks. You see, most people who go clubbing don’t say more than “Hi!” and which drink they like to the working connector. Go deeper than that.

Next time you meet a DJ, promoter, doorman, or bartender? Say “Hi”, ask how he or she is doing, ask what kind of music is being played and if they like it… and work from there.

Then go to the exact same club or bar a couple of days or a week after that and ask the same stuff, introduce yourself, ask his or her name… and work from there. Now THAT is how to expand your social circle man!

Soon you will expand your social circle with a working connector that not only know lots of people and many women, but who can also get you discounts, free drinks, access to the VIP area for free…

As you can see: there are lots of benefits that come with being friends with a working connector! Hell, make it your goal to add a dozen of them to your social circle and your life will change forever. Take it from me.

Here’s a juicy secret: befriend female connectors and especially female working connectors. You want to hear why?

It’s because when you’re in the club and the women there see you having fun with popular women (the connectors), they’ll assume they have competition. Women want what they can’t have just like all humans do, so do you see the benefit here?

Tip #3 To Expand Your Social Circle: Become A Connector Yourself

Connectors have HUGE amounts of social power and not only because they have to be socialize for their jobs or because they like to talk a lot.

No.

Connectors understand a very important principle about how to expand your social circle: “do a favor and get a favor”. And it works just like the entire La Cosa Nostra mafia operation used to run, except for the hardcore crime, murder, and plundering off course.

Because connectors use this principle so well, they don’t even have to be pro-active about meeting new people because new people will find them. Why? Because more and more people want access to the connections that the connector has! OR… they simply want to be just as cool as he or she is.

The moment you start working with “do a favor and get a favor”? You’ll become a connector yourself.

What that means for your social circle? You’ll expand it of course!

And it means you’ll be able to attract the people and events into your life that you want. I’m not kidding: you will be able to get almost anything you want, because you can use your connections to get it.

Here’s an example of how to use “do a favor and get a favor” to expand your social circle:

- You’re in college and there’s a big geek in your class who most people seem to ignore. But the geek has a skill: downloading top-notch quality movies and burning them on DVDs, so you

befriend him. Now every time someone wants to buy a movie they come to you and they owe you a favor.

- One of the guys that got a movie off of you has family that works in a clothing factory. A girl who else gets one of your DVDs works at a restaurant. You ask both of them to respect the favor and give you a discount. Now you know someone who can provide movies, someone for clothing, and someone who can give a guy a discount when he’s on a date in her restaurant.

Do you see how this concept works? You simply look for a skill that someone in your environment has and you give your entire social circle and their friends access to the skill.

Since (as self help guru Dale Carnegie says) everyone’s your master in some area of life? All these people also have skills, so then you can send people to them if they need their skill.

In short: you will grow into someone who knows someone with skill A, someone with skill B, and so on and so on. Your social circle will get more powerful the more favors you do for people, hell, it’s why the mafia became as big as it got.

Guess what they call these kinds of people? Connectors. Connectors and mafiosi hahaha!

All kidding aside, being someone who has access to all kinds of skills means YOUR life becomes a whole lot easier too when YOU need to get something done.

It also means that expanding your social circle happens on auto-pilot: more and more people will come to you to get A done or to get B done… and so on…

And hey… you can bet your ass that women need stuff done too. A whole lot of stuff! It’s an easy way to meet women.

Tip #4 To Expand Your Social Circle: Simply Say “Hi!”

You’re a regular at more places than you’d think. In case you don’t know: a regular is someone who visits a place often. And you do that with your…

- Your work- Your college- Your favorite club

And there are probably many other places where you come often, but these are the best ones because MANY people are regulars at work, college, or clubs.

There you go and think again: “Why is that important?”

It’s important because to expand your social circle, you have to think long term. Here’s what you do.

1) You say “Hi” to ANY woman and ANY man that seems interesting at the places where you’re a regular

2) Next time you go there? Look for all the people you said “Hi” to and you greet them again and ask how their day is going

3) The time after that when you go there? You look for them again and everyone you see you introduce yourself to, ask their names, and invite them for a cup of coffee (or a drink). You will be amazed by how large your social circle will become when you do this…

It’s real easy to do number 3 and expand your social circle because of it. Just say something like:

“Hi! You know, I never got your name? What’s your name? My name is …. and it’s nice to meet you! I always see you here, and yet we never went and got ourselves a cup of cofee. Let’s change that! Let’s grab a cup of coffee.”

Here’s why saying “Hi” at places where you’re a regular works so well and why you will hear “YES” a lot when you offer to grab a cup of coffee or a drink somewhere:

In Robert Cialdini’s awesome book Influence, he shares a key insight about liking someone. Here it goes:

“We tend to like people who are similar to us more than people who are not so similar to us.”

In my own words: the people you say “Hi” to several times see that you’re in or that you like the same place as they do. That makes you similar to them and because you’re similar to them? It’s easier to BE LIKED by them. It’s easier to become their friends.

Just admit it.

Little did you know that the simple word “Hi” had so much power, right?

These 4 awesome tips about how to expand your social circle I just gave you help you to:

- They help you expand your circle of friends FOR YOU after you break up with your girlfriend and need to get out more. Once you get out more you obviously meet more women…

- They help you quickly build a new social circle when you’ve moved from one city to another city where you don’t know anyone yet. You’ll have new friends (and new women) within weeks!

- They help you practice your social skills and your conversational skills. Once you do that you’re only one step away from creating a circle of friends that introduces you to hot, interesting women

And right about now this EXTREME movie junkie is gonna go ahead and watch himself some movies. I’m thinking about watching the new Predators. Why? Because I loved the first movie with the invisible aliens in the jungle fighting Mister Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) himself. It was freaking awesome!

But you know what? I want to do you a favor. Hehe, see how I’m expanding my social circle here?

Listen: you may not watch as many movies as I do, but this tip is still something to remember. If you go to www.solarmovie.com you can watch the latest and greatest movies online for free in high quality. I’m not supposed to promote piracy on my blog so I will say this only to please the authorities: please buy the DVD of the movie if you like what you see online.

And hey… remember who gave you these tips to expand your social circle. Remember who gave you the free movies link too.

To More Dating Success,

Carlos XumaWin With Women

P.S. Want more free tips about what I've talked about today? About improving your confidence, approaching women, creating attraction, and more? Make sure you get your secrets, ebooks, and email updates by signing up for my newsletter below NOW. Remember, it only takes 60 seconds to learn more about meeting and dating women, so do it. Sign up below.

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How To Improve Your Social Skills & Expand Your Social Circle

Posted by Carlos | Posted on 03-09-2010

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Everybody wants to know how to expand your social circle, but you FIRST need to improve your social skills to do that. How? Good question!

How do you improve your social skills? This blog post gives you the answers you seek…

And in previous blog posts I talked about how to expand your social circle, but today we take a step back…

Why? Didn’t I tell you everything you need to know about how to improve your social skills and social circle? Nope!

Because I can talk about expanding your social circle all I want, but if you don’t know how to talk to people then it’s all worthless.

Sure I can show you the best ways to make friends, but if you SUCK at making new friends? Then it’s all worthless. You need to improve your social skills to expand your social circle and meet more women dude.

Take me for example. My best friends used to be books… and then movies and the videogames I played on my Xbox. I’ve come along way from that to befriending the most popular people in town. At first making new friends was hard. It was difficult. My social circle used to be one person deep: me, and that was it…

Have you ever felt alone because you didn’t have that many friends? Have you ever felt bored out of your freaking mind because none of your friends could hang out while you had nothing to do? Then pay attention to today’s blog post on how to improve your social skills…

The tips below will help you on your way to improve your social skills and make new friends, even if you have ZERO friends right now.

So if you want to improve your social skills and get as many friends as you want? Want to get a huge social circle? Then dude, welcome to my wonderful world of tricks to start doing that! Let’s take a look…

How To Improve Your Social Skills Tip #1: The Minute Mission

Have you ever noticed that every time you’re in a store and someone talks to the guy or woman behind the counter, that the conversation never lasts more than a minute?

No? Then start paying more attention if you want to expand your social circle, damn!

These wannabe conversations are nothing more than playing polite, because the conversation never goes any further than:

“Busy day?” or “How’s your day going?” Or it’s some useless comment about the weather or what you’re buying. Bad news my friend: it’s very likely that you’re playing polite all the time. Stop doing that!

If you want to improve your social skills, then you need to get better at the art of conversation. You need to get a feel for what topics and what comments people respond well too.

Once you know that, then people in general will respond to you in a much more positive way. They will like you more. They will become your friends much more easily if only you just keep talking and agree to talk again soon.

That’s all there is to it. A bigger social circle and better social skills start with understanding people better.

So you need to go on a more than a minute mission to improve your social skills. Mission briefing:

Every time you go to a store to buy something? Talk to the person behind the counter longer than a minute. Talk for as long as you possibly can and until the people waiting in line almost want to bitchslap you out of the freaking store so they can pay for what they’re buying.

Same goes for school, college, work, the bus station, and even social events like birthdays and parties. Sitting next to a senior citizen on a bench? Seeing someone who’s sitting or standing somewhere and just looking around with nothing to do?

Then talk your ass off dude! Every conversation in your life should last longer than a minute from now on.

Trust me, you need the practice to improve your social skills.

Talk to as much different people as possible longer than a minute, even if the people themselves look boring.

Why?

The more diverse the kinds of people you’re used to talking to, the easier it becomes to talk to women later on. The more you improve your social skills. This is because you’ll be prepared for almost ANY reaction…

And you’ll quickly discover that no two conversations with women are the same. So you need to prepare!

No conversation with women is ever the same. Every conversation is different, so the more experience you get with conversations? The better you can improvise and come up with things to say to keep it interesting for the women you’re talking to.

How To Improve Your Social Skills Tip #2: Heavy Talks

The more work you put into your longer than a minute mission, the more comfortable you will feel around people… and the more comfortable you will feel talking to people.

Once you’re comfortable like that it’s time for a bigger challenge: seeking heavy conversations. What I mean is talking about difficult topics with people you don’t really know that well.

Why do this? Why seek heavy conversations to improve your social skills? Here’s the reason why:

If you want to meet women and then actually date them, then sooner or later there’s a conversation about sex pretty early on, maybe even BEFORE the first date. Most people are not comfortable talking about it, but you need to feel comfortable about it or your job of getting dates becomes much more difficult. I guarantee it.

Women also have a habit of doing an “interrogation” when they’re interested in you: they start firing one question after another at you to see if they should be MORE or LESS interested in you. The “interrogation” usually happens during the first conversation after you get a woman’s phone number, email, Facebook, or any other form of contact information.

She could ask about politics, your ex(es), about what you want to do with your life. Tough questions. Difficult conversations. Do you see now why it’s smart to get used to having difficult conversations?

So how do you take this next step? How do you become comfortable with talking about topics like sex, exes, politics and other heavy stuff?

Here are some good starting points for you to improve your social skills by talking in “weighty ways”:

1) Most men hardly ever talk about sex with their male friends… and if they do? They’re bragging about how they screwed some chicks brain out, but nothing more. No explanations of techniques or anything. Start talking about sex with your friends and go in-depth: how do you do this or that? What do you enjoy most? What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you? Etc. That’s how you start to improve your social skills man.

2) Politics and religion always lead to heated discussions. Try to find people with a DIFFERENT political point of view and/or a different religion and discuss what you believe and what they believe.

3) Talk to much older people about intimate topics. Here’s the deal: would you feel awkward if you discussed sex with your grandfather? Off course you would! That’s why having conversations about intimate topics like sex, exes, love, etc. with much older people helps you get comfortable talking about intimate stuff more than anything else.

Yes, it’s challenging to talk about heavy and intimate stuff with people you don’t know that well. That’s why you’re doing it…

Don’t believe me? Think about it: 9 out of 10 times you won’t know a woman you want to date well.

If you practice talking about heavy and intimate topics, you’ll be more than ready for it when a woman mentions sex or exes or whatever… OR… you can start talking about it yourself.

Here’s a juicy secret: women expect men to not be open. Women expect men to hide or only reveal a part of their feelings. Women expect men to not talk that much, and especially not about heavy topics. Then you come around after you tried to improve your social skills… and guess what happens?

Attraction happens! Why?

You’re a guy who talks openly about everything, who shares his feelings, who can talk for hours. You will instantly stand out from all other men a woman will have met. She will see you as a very confident guy, only because you can talk about everything with her. She will love you for it!

And in case you’re just looking to make more friends: you still need to get comfortable talking about heavy and intimate topics. Why? Because truly social people can talk about anything with anyone for as long as they want. Be one of these truly social people starting today!

Improve Your Social Skills By Improving Your Confidence 1st

Time out! Let’s not go too fast here.

Listen, if you are now where I was back in January 2003… then you may be a little people shy. You may have social anxiety where you’re not only afraid of approaching women, but afraid of talking to total strangers as well. That’s okay. You can fix this… by improving your confidence.

And I just want to say: I’ve been there. Everyone has his insecurities. I used to be insecure about my incredibly bad eye-sight that forced me to wear glasses throughout high school. What are you insecure about?

No matter what you’re insecure about and no matter how people shy you are? I can help you to improve your social skills thanks to my knowledge of human psychology. Inside my Inner Game newsletter you will discover how to instantly improve your confidence, get rid of your people shyness, and more thanks to a psychology technique called “Mind Lines”…

So if you want to improve your confidence, then definitely check out my daily Inner Game newsletter with free tips right away.

Moving on… to other things you can do to expand your social circle and to improve your social skills.

How To Improve Your Social Skills Tip #4: Dale Carnegie

We’ve covered a lot of ways to get comfortable with having a conversation with everyone about any topic. Just imagine how this improves your social skills: you can become friends with the coolest people you’ll see all around you, because you can now talk about anything with them…

There’s one more important insight you need to know to improve your social skills. It’s one from self help guru Dale Carnegie:

This one comes straight out of his masterpiece How To Win Friends & Influence People:

“Everyone you will ever meet is your friend, because there are only friends and future friends…”

Don’t worry: this is NOT a hippie, “we love peace” type statement about how you should love Mother Nature. This is VERY practical advice. See everyone as friends and future friends. Why?

1) If you really start believing in this mindset (if only to improve your social skills), then you’ll see everyone as a “friendly”. This motivates you to help more people. Since people like to help you when you’ve helped them, you will make more friends. It’s a do a favor and get a favor world my friend.

2) Read the Dale Carnegie quote again. Now think about what you have always done when a woman rejected you: you walked away all frustrated. Instead of taking it personal that you’re not right for her, why not befriend her? The woman who rejects you is your future friend… because maybe your future friend has a friend that IS right for you…

3) The first law of social circle mastery is: you’ll never know who people know. Maybe that old lady you were talking to in the partk has the hottest grand daughters ever. Maybe her son can hook you up with a job. You just never know, know what I’m saying? Everyone can be a benefit to your life, you just don’t know how yet. It’s your job to find out. That’s why everyone’s your friend.

Do you realize the benefits of seeing the world as a bunch of friends and future friends now?

Great! I knew you would. You’ve learned quite a lot in this blog post dude! Don’t believe me?

Check out all the amazing stuff you’ve learned about how to improve your social skills just now which will definitely help you expand your social circle:

- How to feel more comfortable around people- How to feel comfortable talking to people in general, and total strangers in particular- How to feel comfortable talking about heavy and intimate topics, even with women- How to get over people shyness, social anxiety, or whatever you want to call it- How to use the mindset of everyone is your friend or future friend to improve your social skills

Okay, so before I end this blog post on improving your social skills, I have to admit something:

I’m a caffein junkie, but if you have been reading my other blog posts than you already knew that. Say it loud: I’m a caffein junkie and I’m proud… or something. But here’s the real news:

I used to always… ALWAYS drink my cup of black gold (coffee) to satisfy my sick need of caffein. Until recently. Recently my supermarket ran out of coffee. Can you believe that sh*t? So I was forced to settle for drinking energydrink. The fuckers!

Without thinking about it I grabbed this red and black half a liter can of energydrink with a flame on it. It’s called Burn, but I thought that was just a silly brand name like Nike or Adidas. Until I drank that biatch: caffein burned through my system like CRAZY! It was unbelievable. I was shocked.

This Burn stuff is stronger than the coffee I make. And that tells you something. It tells you a lot. I’m drinking this Burn stuff from now on, because the caffein levels in it are INSANE. Long live caffein!

Okay I should really shut the hell up now. I hope you liked these tips for how to improve your social skills… and I’ll talk to you soon in yet another blog post filled with the awesomest dating tips on the planet.

To More Dating Success,

Carlos XumaWin With Women

P.S. Want more free tips about what I've talked about today? About improving your confidence, approaching women, creating attraction, and more? Make sure you get your secrets, ebooks, and email updates by signing up for my newsletter below NOW. Remember, it only takes 60 seconds to learn more about meeting and dating women, so do it. Sign up below.

- See more at: http://www.win-with-women.com/social-skills/how-to-improve-your-social-skills-and-expand-your-social-circle#sthash.cPvl8DgX.dpuf

More On Social Skills…

I’d like to take some time and share some more secrets of social kills with you that have helped me improve my life a lot.

First off, the more social skills you have, the easier it is to make new friends. With new friends come birthdays, parties, holidays and I don’t know what else… and invitations for them.

If you really want to improve your social skills AND dating success, them I highly recommend you accept EVERY invitation to hang out and to catch up later with someone if you’re already busy.

Why?

Because you never know who might show up too.

I’ve experienced first hand how the hottest, smartest, and funniest women can show up on some random nobody’s birthday. So, always go.

Secondly, if you ever find yourself in situations where the conversation with a woman goes stale? Then you simply haven’t got enough social skills to keep the conversation going.

In other words: with enough social skills there is no such thing as an awkward silence…

Hell, with enough social skills there is no such thing as having trouble attracting women because you’ve talked to a shitload of women before and can simply tell from experience what they do and do not respond well too.

I hope you realize now how important improving your social skill is.

Improving Your Social Skills One Obstacle At A Time

The main reason why most men never get to improve their social skills is because they aim too high. Don’t do that!

Don’t immediately aim for being able to talk to women really well if you can’t even keep a conversation with yourself going for a couple minutes.

Start slow if you want to improve your social skills. Here are some increasingly difficult step you can take:

1) Try talking to one of your parents or any other family member for 5-10 minutes straight. Don’t talk about yourself. Ask them questions and follow-up on their answers.

2) Improve your social skills by talking to a friend you have the least in common with for 5-10 minutes straight AND make sure it’s a fun conversation from start to finish

3) Talk to a random stranger like he/she’s your friend and have a fun conversation for around 5 minutes. Repeat this with 14-21 strangers over the course of a week, which is only 2 to 3 strangers a day when you think about it.

4) Work on your social skills by talking to a girl/woman your age who you’re friends with or very familiar with and talk to her for 5 minutes and make sure she’s enjoying it. Repeat this with 5-10 people depending on how many women you know. Colleagues and family members of friends count too.

5) Repeat the step above, but now try to keep the conversation going for half an hour. Try to tease her a little bit, be dominant a little bit or use any of the other attractive character traits.

6) Talk to a random woman your age you’ve never met before and practice your social skills by having a fun conversation about anything you want. Keep it going for 3-5 minutes and then say goodbye and walk away. Repeat this with 7-14 women over the course of a week, which is only 1 to 2 women a day.

7) Talk to a random woman your age who seems to be your type and who you’ve never met before. Try having a fun conversation with her for 3-5 minutes and try to tease her a little bit, be dominant, etc. Repeat this with 7-14 women over the course of a week, then do the same the week afterwards but now ask for their number.

One thing’s for damn sure when you’re improving your social skills in this step-by-step way:

You’ll feel more and more comfortable around other people with each new step. By the time you get to step 7 it’s no biggie to talk to hot women anymore!

Now tell me…

Do you want to know more about meeting women after reading how big an advantage having good social skills is in the dating game? Then I know just for the thing for you…

Check out our page on how to get with a girl and how you can make it easy for yourself. The biggest enemy that prevents you from getting the results with women you want is called… you, so we’ll start with how to accept and improve yourself on that page.

Anyways, this movie maniac is about to watch himself some Transformers 3 because I’m somewhat of a geek who likes techie stuff (including robots). Talk to you later…

And I hope you liked my thoughts on what to use your social skills for and on how to improve your social skills.

To More Dating Success, - See more at: http://www.win-with-women.com/category/social-skills#sthash.ewe6rocm.dpuf

Golden Rule of building a new social circle (Social Circle Mastery)

In our Social Circle Mastery seminar Mr. M and I call this the “Golden Rule” for starting a new tree. Go for respect first and popularity second. It’s easy to gain popularity. It’s brutal to earn back the respect that you gave away up front. This applies with guys and girls.

Sometimes you may try to appease an asshole of the social circle or try to ‘go along to get along’ by doing what you think is popular, but the truth is you are only digging a deeper hole. This goes back to the old David D quote of, “Trying to trade status for acceptance and approval.” (We’ve all messed this one up). I know lots of guys who are popular, but are nowhere near acquiring a power broker seat within their social circle. Guys in the power broker seats date the hottest and most women in any given social circle.  This is key for social circle mastery

This does not mean become the lame try hard guy who tries to play leader all the either. That will get you opposite of respect just as fast. You can easily gain respect without trying to be the leader. Just be real and act out of your own intentions regardless of what the group says or does without being to rigid either way.

This could, and may, turn into a 10 page post on social circle mastery someday, but for now simply remember the golden rule of building a new social circle.

Respect first, popularity second. When you get good, you go for both at the same time.

Few of the things I think of when I think of respect. I’m sure there are many more….1. Strong Boundaries2. Don’t give people any more respect than they earn.3. Honesty at all cost.4. Authentic at all cost. (Fuck what everyone thinks)5. Shine by actions, not by words.6. Abundance mentality (With everything)7. People must earn your praise. Your praise is as rare as Gold. You don’t hand it out unless people truly deserve it.8. You are never jealous. (See number 6)9. Only laugh if something is truly funny. (No courtesy laughs) Yet, you would never withhold laughter.10. You like, but don’t need others validation.11. Apologize rarely, but it means a lot when you do.12. Keep your secrets. Why would you share them with people who don’t matter?13. “Don’t spend major time with minor people.” -Deleanor Roosevelt (I.E. Negative, people who make excuses…etc)14. It’s hard to get “in” with you. You are nice to everyone, but you don’t get close to just anyone. They have to earn it. “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.” -George Washington15. Your time is precious. Don’t let people disrespect your time, yet expect you to respect theirs.16. Don’t ask advice from the weak. Better yet, don’t ask advice from anyone who isn’t living the life you want to live.17. Never lean or leak emotionally on other people. (May be the quickest way to lose respect. People who are not self reliant are disgusting!) This does not mean you can’t ask favors or advice. This means you are emotionally fragile and need others approval to know you are ok.18. Never change your beliefs, values, sense of humor, or bend the truth in the face of value.

(Read this one 100 times. Most important. Every time I have broke this law I’ve hated myself for it!!! Anytime someone breaks this law around me, I’ve hated them for it.)19. Has no problem teasing or qualifying people of high value, because you don’t consider them higher value. You just consider them people. People with high and low value characteristics.20. Favorite David D quote……Learn to say “No” a lot. Also, be ok hearing “No.”