Y O U R B A B Y ' S G R E A T S L E E PB E G I N S W I T H Y O U !

7 MindsetShifts for

Sleep Success

W W W . S L U M B E R - B A B Y . C O M

hey there, I'm Jenni, owner of SlumberBaby Sleep Consulting. I'm so happy you're here! Once upon a time I was the sleepless mama to a sleepless baby, so I know exactly how you feel--'tired' doesn't seem to cut it, right? But you also probably feel a little lost; where do you evenbegin to look to take your family from exhausted to rested? Well...right here. That's where. One thing I've learned over the years as a sleep consultant and as a parent is that so much of ourbaby's ability to grow, learn, and change has to do with us and mindsets that allow or prevent usfrom guiding and supporting them in all the ways they need in order to be successful.

I also want you to know I've done my homework. I wascertified as a Pediatric Sleep Consultant through the FamilySleep Institute in 2015 and am also a member of theInternational Association of Child Sleep Consultants. I'vebeen ranked in the top 200 sleep consultants in the US bythe Tuck's Institute. I am on the boards of the MontanaMaternal Mental Health Coalition and Safe Kids Missoula. Iam a Today's Parenting Contributor and I've helped parentsall over the world help their babies and toddlers becomegreat sleepers. I have a dream job!

It's my belief that parents are under-supported when it comes to helping their babies get bettersleep in a developmentally appropriate way, and it's my mission to change the cliche that beinga parent means you have to be exhausted. Mostly, I want to give you what I needed when I was a new mama: a path, a friend, and thesleep your family needs in order to thrive! Let's begin with the way we think about sleep andour babies...with some sleep-positive mindset shifts.

sweet dreams,jenni

Shift #1: "Can my baby do this?" to "My baby can do this." Fear. Right? So many fears, most of them based in what you don't know. I'm asking you to jumpover a canyon from where you are to where you want to be and it doesn't feel like there is asafety net. One of the biggest fears I hear is "I'm not sure my baby can do this" or "I don't think Ihave a baby who sleeps." It's a fear that makes total sense, because in your experience, it'ssomething your baby has never done. But let's think about that in some another area of your baby's life. When it comes time to learn how to walk, will you think, "I don't think my baby can do this!" andlet that voice of fear convince you to carry your little one around for another year, rescuing himevery time he attempts to stand? Of course not. You're going to take 1,000 videos of those firstfew steps and post them to social media like any sane parent would! You're going to help andencourage your baby EVEN when he's frustrated, EVEN when he falls on his bum and cries.Thesame goes for potty training, learning to eat solid foods, and those first words. Yet, for somereason sleep is especially fear-inducing. Let's try to get out of the way so your baby has the roomto try a few things. The first thing I want you to do is take a deep breath. Good. Now, recognize that your baby isAMAZING and CAPABLE! Trust your little one's abilities. Promise your baby that you willwork alongside her development to give her the reins to her own sleep abilities. Say, "You can dothis, and I'm here to help you." (PS--you're baby can also do this MUCH more easily and quickly than you imagine! Detailsahead!)

7 Mindset Shifts to Makefor Sleep Success

So much of the sleep work you'll do with your baby has more to dowith YOUR mindset than your baby's ability to sleep better.Remember, you and your baby are a team and working as a teamwill make accomplishing amazing sleep so much easier! Take yourtime with each shift, this is important work!

Shift #2 : "My baby won't sleep unless I rock/bounce/nurse her all the way tosleep" to "I can give my baby the space & a chance practice sleep skills."

In a minute, I'm going to ask you to take a look at all the things you are currently doing to helpyour baby go to sleep or stay asleep. Trust me, my own list when I was in your shoes was alengthy one. And that's okay! This is a judgment-free zone. Not a single one of us recieved aninstruction manual the day our baby was born. To begin this mindset-shift, let me ask you this: Why would your baby have the ability to go tosleep or stay asleep on her own if you have always done the work of going to sleep for her? Let's take the walking example from Shift #1: If you prevent your baby from ever learning howto walk, then one day set her down and expect her to run around with other kids, it's hardly asurprise when she looks at you with confusion. You've been doing all the work for her, but indoing so you've created a barrier between her and what she is capable of. So, giving your baby incremental, gentle guidance to gaining skills that she's never used isexactly what needs to happen to allow her to trust herself, to build those skills over time, andto do the job of going to sleep. Just like those first steps, at first you're holding on to her as shegets her balance, but soon she's got it! And she's off and running! Getting frustrated that your baby won't sleep without your help when she's never even had theopportunity to do so means that an important step is being skipped--the step of having theopportunity to practice (we'll get into what and why in a sec). But you're here now, and that'sall about to change!

Get into a sleep-positive mindset!

Get into a sleep-positive mindset!

Shift #3: "I'm doing this WRONG or RIGHT" to "I have both Sustainable and Unsustainable Practices in place."

I'm going to get fired up for a second, okay? ENOUGH with the parent guilt. I feel so heartbroken when parents come to me practicallyloathing themselves for getting into habits that have left their whole family exhausted. It's timeto focus on you and your baby, not the world. Stop it. (And I'm saying this with so much love and compassion I'm about to burst). But, really,shut that voice down. Your baby is just fine. Breathe, pat yourself on the back. Nothing is more paralyzing than guilt when it comes to parenting. Rather than think about your current practices, sleep crutches, or crazy things you're doing tohelp your baby sleep (trust me, I've seen them all and done most of them myself...) as "right" or"wrong" I want you to start thinking about those practices as SUSTAINABLE andUNSUSTAINABLE. Also, lose the number of anyone who routinely tells you you're doingthings right or wrong, you don't have time for that BS starting now. This, my friends, is where you get to grant yourself ALL the grace and start focusing on yourprocess with your baby. What a relief, right? You are nailing it as a parent. AND, some things you're doing that worked for a bit have become unsustainable. AND that's okay. AND we all do it. AND you deserve help and support to turn those unsustainable practices into sustainable ones.AND you CAN. So can your baby. This is also where sleep training becomes a unique experience for every family. Something Imight think is totally unsustainable is something you could do forever and ever. Thesedifferences are so cool! I'll help you identify which practices work and which might be standingin the way of your baby's sleep and we'll go from there. :)

Shift #4 : "Sleep Training is Selfish" to

"Being a rested parent benefits my baby in so many ways" AND "Healthy sleep nourishes my baby."

As a Maternal Mental Health Advocate I've written and spoken extensively about this topic.The messaging that sleep training is selfish is just more GUILT aimed at parents who want to finda way to give their baby the gift of sleep AND the gift of a rested parent. I'm going to be very honest for a second: When I was a sleep deprived parent, I felt like I wasbarely human. I had anxiety, I felt like a failure, I fought with my husband. And (gulp--hard tosay), I started to resent my baby. I decided she deserved better than that. She deserved a mama who was playful, energetic, happy,patient, and rested. And that's what I gave her. Sleep deprivation at any age is not something to take lightly. Sleep is a basic human need, andwithout it, your ability to attach, nurture, nourish, and care for your baby in the awesome wayyou know you are capable of suffers. Period. Here are a few posts you can check out when you have a second: Don't Call me Selfish For Sleep Training My Kids The Far-Reaching Damage of Sleep Debt Escaping Nap Jail: Finding Freedom in a Sleep Schedule Stress and Sleep Training 6 Myths of Sleep Training Attachment Theory And Sleep This IG Post or This one (you should probably just follow @slumber.baby...

Get into a sleep-positive mindset!

Get into a sleep-positive mindset!

Shift #5: "Sleep training is a bad thing" to "Every baby is 'trained' (guided) to sleep how they sleep."

Confused by this one? Let me explain. Sleep Training is a very limited term to describe a wide range of guidance-based practices; it's notblack and white, it looks different for every family, it can be PROactive or REactive (mostcommon), and progress is unique to every baby. Here's another shift you need to make: SLEEP TRAINING DOES NOT MEAN "CRY IT OUT". But somehow, everyone assumes this is the case. Erase that assumption. I don't believe CIOreflects how babies learn and my approach to every aspect of baby sleep reflects that in spades. Here's an example of two sleep-trained babies: Baby A sleeps all night in his crib, waking once to nurse and goes back to sleep until morning.Baby B wakes every 30 minutes and needs to be nursed and rocked back to sleep each time. Both babies have been "trained" to do exactly what they do. Our actions/reactions build aframework of habits for our baby. "Training", after all, is just building habits, expectations, andresponses to behavior. Your baby responds to your guidance and consistency, and whatever youconsistently do trains your baby to expect that. When your baby is used to something happeningbecause of repetition, that's training. Mind=blown, right? So, I'm not sure where all the negativity comes from if, really, it's something everyone does insome form or another. AND this is the little slice of knowledge that helps guide our practicewhen it comes to change! So the next time your friend gives you a bunch of grief for wanting to "sleep train", just say,"You're sleep training, too." Because she is. She's just training her baby to a different set of habits. This also allows you to shift your thinking from "do I sleep train or not?" to "what kind of sleephabits do I want to guide my baby towards?" (Answer: lasting, healthy ones.)

Shift #6: "My baby won't go back to sleep in the night unless I...(fill in theblank)" to

"I'm reacting rather than guiding." When your baby is a newborn, she's the boss. No question about it, right? You soothe ondemand, you feed on demand, you do what you have to do to make it through the day. This (very naturally) leads to your baby being forming habits. Cool. But it also leads to US, the parent, forming some habits, too. We become REactive--meaning, ourbaby does a thing and we react to it. In short: Our babies train us. Then we get so used to REacting, that months later we realize that reacting is all we're doing andit's become a little bit nuts. Baby is behind the wheel. Listen up: If you are ready for things to change and you're waiting for your baby to raise his/herlittle hand and volunteer to switch things up, you're going to be waiting a long time. Because your baby doesn't know any other way of doing things. Why would she? She's new here!Also, she's totally fine with the status quo. But YOU are the one who knows what a differencebetter sleep will make for everyone. This shift is all about zooming out--seeing where you are and where you'd like things to be,taking into account your baby's developmental stage, and the PLANNING incremental changesthat take you to your goal. Let's get you behind the wheel, and take this one mile at a time. I hope this is how you'll address many things as your child grows. It's about support, baby steps(pun intended) and building change upon a foundation of strong, loving attachment. Notpulling the rug out from under your baby or making big drastic changes. In short, rather than your baby calling the ALL the shots, you begin to be the guide to new, moresustainable habits. By the way, your baby will still call MANY of the shots...good thing they'reso cute!

Get into a sleep-positive mindset!

Get into a sleep-positive mindset!

Shift #7: "I will not allow my baby to be upset" to "My baby has a right to emotions, discomfort is a part of change, and my goal is

to always support my child through anything he/she experiences." I saved the most common sleep-preventing mindset for last. Get comfy, this one is a doozy. We were about a block away from our house one day and my daughter--diaper-free because we werepotty training--had an accident. She freaked out. She sobbed uncontrollably as I carried her home inher soaked pants. Which response is appropriate? (A) Yell at her (B) Give up on potty training altogether. She's upset soit means potty training is bad. (C) Stay calm. Clean her up, put her in some dry pants, and try again. (C), Obviously. (I hope). Sending my daughter the message that she's incapable simply because she's upset or because she had anaccident is never something I want to do. I want to send her the message that she's learning, that I'mhere for her, that feeling upset is okay, and that she can do this--discomfort never means failure. Iwasn't about to give up on her. So why did it take me roughly 1,000 tries to help her sleep? I mean, she would get upset the moment Iput her down and in I would swoop, believing whole-heartedly that she was in pain, that she wouldnever sleep on her own, that I was abusing and neglecting her. All of these thoughts happened overthe course of .0025 seconds. And I would react, stepping in, rescuing. That calm mama who was okaywith her daughter's many emotional responses wasn't on the scene yet. Here's the thing: your baby finds enormous comfort in her ability to predict. That's why babies thriveon routines. Currently, she loves what's happening in regards to sleep because it's what she knows...shecan predict it. And that's where you're stuck. You need to teach her to predict something new--not less loving, notless supportive--just different. Because it's something new, when you make changes--even incrementally--your baby experiencesdiscomfort. Her ability to predict has been jostled a bit, and that can mean some upset. Imagine yourbaby saying, "Hey! This isn't what we normally do!" As your baby gets used to the "new normal", she'llfind enormous comfort there once again. The good news is that babies learn new habits SO FAST.

Get into a sleep-positive mindset! Here's a sleep example: One thing I often recommend, especially if a baby has an "eating to sleep" habitin place, is that the non-feeding partner does the soothing for more night wakings than the feedingpartner OR that after feedings, the baby is handed-off to the non-feeding partner for the remainder ofthe lay-down to bed. This is easy to say, but in practice in can look like this:Baby is used to nursing all the way to sleep and at every wake up, and did so at bedtime. This meansmama is the only one baby "wants". 45 minutes later, the baby is awake and upset. Mom and dad knowthat baby doesn't need to eat again, so dad goes in. Baby is like, "WAIT. YOU ARE NOT WHO IWANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW!!!" Insert loud mad baby. Is this baby being neglected? Unloved? Abused? In pain? No. Nor is baby trying to "control" you. Baby is frustrated. And her ability to predict has been disrupted. So why does mama RUSH in to rescue baby from being upset, and feed her all the way to sleep again?Because we view any time spent upset as something we need to stop and prevent with every ounce ofour energy. Let me ask you this: As your child grows, will you never change anything if it means frustrating yourchild? Will you allow your toddler to eat nothing but whipped cream, because anything else makes himmad? No, because you know what is healthy and nourishing for your little one. When your baby learnsto walk, or taste new foods, and gets upset when she falls down or tastes something she doesn'tlike...will you give up? I hope not. Let's shift. Let's not give up. Let's give your baby permission to experience all emotions, with you by herside supporting, encouraging, providing calm and consistency. It's okay if your baby experiences discomfort as you shift habits and introduce new routines. It's okay foryour baby to be mad, or to want something else to be happening. Your baby is concerned with thismoment, but YOU are the one with the big picture in mind, and knowledge, and a plan. And there ARE ways to limit your baby's discomfort with change--you're doing some of that work rightnow because as you shift your mindset your ability to be calm and consistent increases. Your baby cansense that, trust me. Most approaches to sleep start with putting baby to bed--but I think that makes it too hard. I ask you tostart in a different spot--Zooming out, then building a sleep foundation, THEN following a veryspecific plan that gets you to your sleep goals using consistency, comfort, and intuition as your guides.

LET 'S DREAM A LITTLE DREAM TOGETHER

Now that you've shifted your mindest, it's time to get to work! To know where you want to gowith your baby's sleep, you have to know where you are, and that's different for every parent!The answers you write here will begin to help you figure out a path to better sleep for yourwhole family!

THE CURRENT S ITUATION

How would more sleep impact you, your baby, and your whole family?(Example: I'd feel a lot more calm and more joyful in my role as parent.)

In your own words, what is your #1 struggle with your baby's or toddler's sleep right now?

If you could change 3 specific things about your baby's/toddler's sleep, what would they be?

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workbook part 1

SLUMBERBABY 'S SWEET DREAM STARTER K IT - PART 1

In a1-3 sentences, write your biggest dreams for your baby's/toddler's/family's sleep. Whatdoes that look like? How does it feel? What is different about how things are now? Don't thinkabout what is holding you back right now...just dreams!

Describe a typical 24-hours for you and your baby (include what happens in the night)!

What does your baby/toddler currently need in order to go to sleep/stay asleep? (Forexample: nursing, to be in motion, pacifier, etc).

1

2

3

4

DREAMS DO COME TRUE!

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Circle/highlight the practices currently in place that you find sustainable (you are fine ifthey continue). Place an X through the ones you find are no longer sustainable.

TIME WHAT 'S HAPPENING? RESPONSE

24-HOUR SLEEP TRACKERCOMPANY NAME

DATE: (DD/MM/YYYY)

Use this to track your baby's sleep & waking for the next 24-hours. You'lluse this in the next section.

TIME WHAT 'S HAPPENING? RESPONSE

24-HOUR SLEEP TRACKERCOMPANY NAME

DATE: (DD/MM/YYYY)

How much sleep did your baby get over the course of the last 24 hours?

On average, how much time was your baby awake before he/she goes down for another sleep?

How has your baby's mood been over the last 24-48 hours? How has your mood been?

Check out the next 2 pages (Sleep Guidelines at any age and Optimal Schedules). Is your babygetting enough sleep? How about Awake-Time? How does your baby's last 24 hours compare tothese sleep guidelines? REMEMBER--These aren't timings or schedules that you can force yourbaby onto. Rather, these can help inform your goals and your plan. It's about baby steps!Takesome notes here...

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USE YOUR SLEEP TRACKER ON THE PREVIOUS PAGES TO ANSWERTHESE ( JUST DO YOUR BEST) !

A BIRD 'S EYE VIEW

workbook part 2

Let's first acknowledge that you'reexhausted and that thinking, planning, andputting all of these gears into action takes alot of focus and energy.

That's why I've done it for you...I've takenevery aspect of your baby's sleep (and yearsof experience) and put it together in a waythat works for babies and parents. I took my most elite coaching package andturned it into a virtual sleep support programfor you. I'll show you how to start in the right spot--with your baby's development and currenthabits Together, we'll put together a strong sleepfoundation, and I'll give you a day-by-day,night by night plan to follow that guaranteesbetter sleep.

SLUMBERBABY 'S SWEET DREAMS STARTER K IT - PART 3

I know you are feeling SUPER inspired. That's the beauty of shifting ourmindset--it allows us to see hope where before we felt desperate. My

dream for you is that you take that hope and RUN with it, and begin usingyour new sleep-positive mindset to create amazing sleep for your baby.

Find a sleep package HERE!

"I 'M FEELING HOPEFUL,BUT PUTTING ALL OF

THESE PIECES TOGETHERSEEMS IMPOSSIBLE!"

YOU'RE DOING GREAT, KEEP GOING!

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Register for my freeworkshop here!