Rick and Morty - Writing Site€¦ · MORTY (angry) Rick, get back here! Clean this up! RICK...

JERRY'S ADVENTURES IN ZOMBIE-SITTING

A Rick and Morty Sample Script

Written by

J. Rose

Jenna Rose [email protected]

RICK AND MORTY

“Jerry’s Adventures in Zombie-sitting”

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. SMITH HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - DAY

PUSH IN

INT. SMITH HOUSE, DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

MORTY, BETH, and SUMMER eat breakfast at the table. Summer texts. Beth wears her lab coat. Morty looks around, confused. (NOTE: An orange juice pitcher is on the table).

MORTYAre Rick and Dad missing again?

SUMMER(dryly, keeps texting)

Shh, don’t jinx it.

BETH(smiles)

Rick’s just trying to bond with your Dad a little. Jerry promised me he’s completely safe.

MORTYQuestion: was Rick in the room when Dad promised you he was safe?

BETH(raises an eyebrow)

Yes... Why?

A portal opens overhead. A huge alien pig monster exits followed by a battered RICK and JERRY as the portal vanishes. Food and dishes go flying (NOTE: the orange juice does not spill). Beth, Summer, and Morty <SCREAM IN SURPRISE>.

FAVORING RICK, JERRY, AND ALIEN PIG

RICKJerry, defensive maneuver alpha!

Jerry <SCREAMS> and runs, the alien pig on his tail.

Rick and Morty 1.

"Jerry's Adventures in Zombie-sitting"

RICK (CONT’D)Close enough.

Rick pulls out a blaster and shoots at the pig. The shot misses but grazes Jerry’s hair and sets it on fire. Jerry <YELPS> and dumps the orange juice on his head. Rick shoots and misses the pig again but disintegrates Jerry’s pants. Finally, Rick shoots and hits the pig. As it falls dead, some blood and guts land on Jerry who <VOMITS>. His humiliation is complete. Rick puts down the blaster.

RICK (CONT’D)Who’s up for space bacon? It’s the least ‘jobless Jerry’ can do to provide for his family. That and get new pants for our next adventure in an hour.

Jerry approaches and scowls. He’s had it!

JERRYNo! I will not ‘provide for the family’ by being your new adventure punching bag. I’ve almost been maimed six times in the last two weeks. So before I end up like the dead alien pig carcass on our floor, I quit!

WIDEN TO INCLUDE BETH

Beth approaches with a scowl.

BETHDad, I thought you two were bonding. I can’t believe you’ve been dragging Jerry on deadly missions just so he can prove himself to you!

RICK(shrugs, dryly)

I don’t know; that sounds about my speed.

BETHJerry can be a great provider on his own! In fact, uh...

(gets an idea)He’s going to volunteer at my horse hospital to get work experience.

Rick and Morty 2.


JERRY(confused)

Oh, uh...

Beth nudges Jerry. He blinks and finally gets it.

JERRY (CONT’D)(to Rick, smugly)

Yeah, I am! So there!

MEDIUM ON BETH AND JERRY

Jerry gives Rick a cocky grin over his shoulder as he walks away with Beth. But then Jerry looks forward uneasily as he and Beth exit the dining room.

ANGLE ON RICK, MORTY, AND SUMMER

Rick glares toward Jerry. Then he pulls out his flask, takes a swig, and heads across the room in the opposite direction.

MORTY(angry)

Rick, get back here! Clean this up!

RICKYou’re half Jerry, Morty: gain some ‘work experience’ and do it yourself. FYI, I like my space bacon extra crispy.

FAVORING Morty and Summer as they watch Rick walk off screen. Summer <SIGHS IN ANNOYANCE> as Morty glares toward Rick.

FADE TO BLACK.

Rick and Morty 3.


ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. SMITH HOUSE, DINING ROOM - DAY

A little while later, Morty and Summer are done cleaning. Rick sits in a chair with his flask, drunk and complaining. Summer sits, texting. Morty has a broom in hand.

RICK...Reason forty-two why Jerry sucks: he’s a genetic leech ruining my genius influence on the Sanchez family tree. Reason forty-three why Jerry sucks: he can’t even be bait right. Reason forty-four...

Morty glares at Rick and tosses his broom down.

TWO SHOT: RICK AND MORTY

MORTYEnough ragging on my Dad, Rick! You didn’t even tell me you were dragging him on adventures. And you almost got him killed! You know, it’s not easy being a normal guy.

RICK(sarcastic)

Yeah, stumbling through life as a moronic social pawn and mooching off your nearly-ex wife must be really hard.

MORTYAt least he’s there for his family!He stays here, he raises us, he tries to support Mom...

(hesitates)... emotionally, at least.

(angry again)Cut him some slack.

RICKGet off your ‘Average Joe’ soapbox, Morty. You’re just as addicted to being a superior son-of-a-bitch as I am. But without the drinking.

(takes swig from flask)Yet.

Rick and Morty 4.


WIDEN TO INCLUDE SUMMER

SUMMER(annoyed)

Oh my god, you’re both science junkies who can’t survive five minutes without making yourselves feel superior to someone else!

MORTYShut up, Summer!

RICKShut up, Summer!

CLOSE ON RICK AND MORTY, HEAD TO HEAD

MORTYWhy don’t you prove it’s so easy to live a normal life, huh, Rick?

RICKYou first, Rick Junior!

MORTYFine! Let’s go on an adventure: completely science-free. When you give up, you tell my Mom you appreciate my Dad for who he is.

RICKAnd when you beg me to go to space for something not agonizingly boring, you have to tell Beth every stupid thing Jerry does for a week.

MORTYDeal! Pack clothes, canned food, water, and meet me at the bus stop.

RICK(rolls eyes, disgusted)

Ugh, the bus stop?

MORTY(smugly)

Well, we can’t take the space cruiser. Unless you want to forfeit the bet...

Rick narrows his eyes and gives Morty a dark look: his challenge is accepted. Rick takes another swig from his flask, turns, and exits. Morty follows, still smiling smugly.

Rick and Morty 5.


ANGLE ON SUMMER

SUMMERFinally, a peaceful weekend alone.

She returns to texting with a smile.

CUT TO:

EXT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL - ESTABLISHING - DAY

PUSH IN

INT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS - TRAVELING

Jerry, wearing scrubs with a name tag, follows Beth down a hall. They pass doctors and vet assistants. He looks around uneasily at first but then holds his head high and grins confidently.

JERRYSo, where to first? Hobnobbing with surgeons? Viewing a procedure?

(suggestive, hazes eyes)Some time alone in the break room?

BETHJerry, volunteering here is very serious. This isn’t a hospital drama: lives are at stake, okay?

Beth pauses at a desk with Jerry. She grabs two papers.

JERRY(smiles, nods)

Got it. It’ll just be nice working together. Where do we start?

BETH(reads first paper)

Well, I have to help birth a foal, give check-ups to two show horses, and convince rich people that their Clydesdale doesn’t need a nose job.

JERRYSounds great! Let’s--

Rick and Morty 6.


BETH(reads other paper)

And you have to muck out the outdoor stalls, mop up the operating room, and feed Old Brewster. Careful, he’s a biter.

Jerry’s eyes widen. Beth hands him his list and smiles.

BETH (CONT’D)I know you’ll do a great job. You’re a good provider, Jerry. You just... need a chance.

(kisses him on the cheek)See you at lunch.

Beth exits down the hall. Jerry looks at his list and frowns.

JERRYOkay, this all sounds awful. But I’m a successful horse surgeon’s husband. They can’t expect me to do a normal volunteer’s work, right?

He puffs up his chest and polishes his name tag. A doctor passes, looking at a clipboard. Jerry tries to stop him.

JERRY (CONT’D)Excuse me. I’m a very important volunteer. Jerry Sm--

The doctor doesn’t look up and brushes past him with a faint <MMM HMM>. Jerry raises an eyebrow and tries to stop other hospital staff members, but they’re all busy. He scowls.

JERRY (CONT’D)Great, as if being treated like a lowly servant by Rick isn’t bad enough.

(determined)Fine, I’ll prove to everyone I can handle any work they can dish out!

He crumples his paper and storms down the hall to exit. No one notices his overly-dramatic display. After a beat, Jerry reenters the shot and grabs the crumpled paper.

JERRY (CONT’D)(sheepishly)

I’ll probably need that. Heh.

Jerry exits again, list in hand.

CUT TO:

Rick and Morty 7.


EXT. WOODS - ESTABLISHING - DAY

A large, dense forest far from town. The definition of rural.

EXT. CAMPSITE - CONTINUOUS

On a dirt path, Rick and Morty stop at a sign that reads ‘Campsite’. Morty has a large backpack stuffed with supplies. A bored Rick carries a smaller backpack and his flask.

MORTYHere we are! Camping: a classic normal adventure. And no science to mess things up. Aw geez, smell that fresh air. We’re like the pioneers, Rick; braving the wilds with just our wits and some supplies.

RICK(dry, sarcastic)

Yeah, Morty, it’s great. Now I get why everyone was obsessed with Oregon Trail in the 90s. You’re really proving something to me.

MORTY’S POV: THE CAMPSITE

The campsite is a big dirt patch surrounded by trees: not barren but definitely a place for no-frills camping.

ANGLE ON RICK AND MORTY

MORTY(sincere, excited)

Wow, this place is perfect. First I’ll set up the tent. Rick, you get firewood, and then we can--

RICKHey, I said I’d survive your little ‘normal adventure’. Never said I’d help. This is all I need to keep myself from ‘dying of dysentery’.

He takes a big swig from his flask. Then he pulls a hammock from his backpack, sets it up, and passes out in it. Morty shakes his head, smiles, and opens his backpack to make camp.

MONTAGE - VARIOUS (NOTE: RICK IS PASSED OUT ON THE GROUND IN THE BACKGROUND FOR EACH SCENE)

Rick and Morty 8.


EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY

Morty struggles to get the final pole of his tent up. He completes the task and bites his lip as he waits to see if it holds. The pole holds: he smiles and <SIGHS IN RELIEF>.

Then Morty looks down and sees that he wedged the pole into an anthill. Fire ants come out of the ground, cover the tent, and attack Morty. Morty jumps around and <SCREAMS>.

CUT TO:

EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY

Morty (red welts on his face and arms) struggles to open a tin can with a can opener. Finally he succeeds. Morty smiles.

A <CRACK OF THUNDER> sounds overhead, and a lightning bolt strikes the can out of Morty’s hand. Then rain pours and creates a small mud slide that washes away the can, the can opener, and almost Morty himself. Morty <SCREAMS>.

CUT TO:

EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY

A very battered Morty drops a lit match onto a pile of sticks then cringes and holds his hands in front of his face. The logs light without issue. Morty’s stance relaxes. He smiles at the successful fire.

A <CRACK> sounds off screen. A broken branch drops and hits Morty hard. <GROANING>, he struggles out from under it and crawls to where Rick is still passed out. He <SIGHS DEEPLY>.

END OF MONTAGE

CUT TO:

INT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL, BREAK ROOM - DAY

Beth sits at a table. Jerry stumbles in, <PANTING> and exhausted. Horse dung stains his scrubs, blood dots his shoes, and his arms have bite marks. Beth smiles.

BETHJerry! Great, you’re done with your morning duties. Now you can get a head start on your afternoon list.

Rick and Morty 9.


JERRY(eyes widen)

Afternoon list?

Jerry collapses into a chair at the table. Beth’s <PHONE BEEPS>. She reads the screen and <SIGHS WITH ANNOYANCE>.

BETHOh great, Globetrotter the racehorse is here, and his owner wants him personally attended to until his surgery.

(pockets phone, scowls)That horse is just getting a bad molar removed after his derby tomorrow. No one here has time to baby-sit him until then.

JERRY(jumps up, big smile)

I’ll do it! I’ll watch the horse!

BETHJerry, are you sure?

JERRYAbsolutely! I’ll sit quietly with him all afternoon if I have to.

BETHWell... all right. Thanks, Jerry.

(stands, smiles)Sorry to stick you with this. Globetrotter is the most famous horse we’ve ever had; a top racer in tomorrow’s national derby. That’s why his owner is so demanding.

JERRY(eyes widen, nervous)

Oh... The horse is that important?

BETH(nods)

Caring for him as a patient will be great for the hospital’s reputation.

(hugs him, pulls back)You’ll do fine. Globetrotter and his care instructions should be in the deluxe paddock suite at the end of the hall. I trust you, Jerry.

Rick and Morty 10.


Beth exits. Jerry’s eyes remain wide. He <GULPS NERVOUSLY>.

CUT TO:

INT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL, DELUXE PADDOCK - DAY

Jerry reads Globetrotter’s care instructions as he paces in front of the horse. The deluxe paddock has racehorse paintings, hay and apples on silver platters, a TV, and other fancy frills. Globetrotter is a tall horse with golden brown fur, a blond mane, and a muscular build. He is hooked up to machines monitoring his vitals including a heart monitor that <BEEPS STEADILY>. Globetrotter eats from the food platters as Jerry reads.

JERRYHorse must be brushed every half hour, must drink room temp spring water, must have limb massages, cannot touch synthetic fibers...

Jerry stops pacing (facing away from Globetrotter) and <SIGHS> as he looks up from the paper.

JERRY (CONT’D)Okay, Jerry, this horse is high-maintenance and could decide the future of the hospital. But you’ll be okay. Just bring your ‘A’ game.

He grins. Behind him, Globetrotter tries to swallow an apple in one bite. The horse’s eyes go wide.

JERRY (CONT’D)(in pep talk mode)

Come on, you’re Jerry Smith! You found a wife, you raised kids, you’ve survived being Rick’s son-in-law! You can take care of a horse!

Jerry enthusiastically pumps a fist in the air. Globetrotter begins to <CHOKE SILENTLY>.

JERRY (CONT’D)(with gusto)

I’ll show them all that I’m a damn good provider, a damn good employee, and the best damn horse baby-sitter this hospital ever saw!

Globetrotter fidgets and twitches in his struggle to breathe. Jerry looks at his instructions again.

Rick and Morty 11.


JERRY (CONT’D)I guess we’ll start with his chakra cleansing, then I’ll read him his daily two chapters of Black Beauty.

Globetrotter collapses with a <GASP> as Jerry finally turns around. The heart monitor <BEEPS ERRATICALLY>.

JERRY (CONT’D)(joking)

Or we could watch the Colts play the Cowboys, Globetrotter. Heh...

(notices horse’s state)Globetrotter...?

CLOSE ON GLOBETROTTER’S LIFELESS BODY

JERRY (O.S.) (CONT’D)(absolutely panicked)

Oh no, no, no, no, no!

ANGLE ON JERRY AND GLOBETROTTER

Jerry rushes to the horse’s side and sees the apple stuck in Globetrotter’s throat. He pounds the horse’s chest for CPR: no improvement. He grabs the horse’s neck from behind and attempts the Heimlich Maneuver but only succeeds in winding himself. Finally, Jerry reaches inside Globetrotter’s mouth and yanks out the apple. Globetrotter twitches, and Jerry smiles at the potential sign of life. But then the horse goes still: the heart monitor <FLATLINES>.

CLOSER on Jerry’s panicked, terror-stricken face.

JERRY (CONT’D)Oh my God! Oh my God!

FULL ON JERRY AND GLOBETROTTER

Jerry throws a blanket over the horse then rushes out of the room. And cut to...

EXT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS

Jerry gets in the car and drives off at a high speed. And cut to...

Rick and Morty 12.


INT. SMITH HOUSE, RICK’S GARAGE - DAY

A few minutes later, Jerry enters the garage, grabs an empty box, and tosses in various gadgets and chemical vials.

JERRYI can fix this. I can fix this...

He exits the garage at a run with his box of lab items.

CUT TO:


A few minutes later, Jerry enters the paddock door with the box of lab items hidden under his shirt. He locks the door and runs to Globetrotter. Jerry desperately injects, shocks, and prods the horse in a frenzied race to save its life!

CUT TO:

EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY

CLOSE on Morty as he wakes up on the ground, a battered mess. WIDEN to reveal campsite but no Rick. Morty stands up.

MORTYRick? Where are you?

Morty walks behind the tattered tent. He sees Rick sitting with a spoon by a closed pot set over a fire. A copper coil attaches the pot to a plastic bucket over a bowl of water.

MORTY (CONT’D)(smugly)

Ha! You’re making some chemical compound that’ll probably grow pizza from the ground or turn rocks into supercomputers! I win the bet!

RICK(dryly)

My flask’s empty. I’m making moonshine, which doesn’t count as science since a halfwit hillbilly could do it. You wanted to go science-free, right?

MORTY(very defensive)

Yes! That’s exactly what I wanted: to show you being normal isn’t bad.

Rick and Morty 13.


Morty turns to the campsite but frowns.

MORTY’S POV: THE CAMPSITE

PANNING as Morty’s eyes rove over the flimsy tent, dented food cans, broken branches, and his own blackened fire pit.

ANGLE ON RICK AND MORTY

Morty hears a digital <WHIRRING> start in the distance.

MORTY (CONT’D)(smirks, turns to Rick)

I knew you’d crack first! What’s that sound, Rick? Secret space cruiser? Interdimensional RV? Sonic shower? Well, I’m gonna find out!

Morty runs off screen. Rick ladles moonshine into his flask as he watches him go.

CUT TO:

EXT. WOODS - CONTINUOUS

Morty bursts into a clearing. The <WHIRRING> is louder. He crouches by a bush. There is a large alien ship in a valley.

MORTY’S POV: THE ALIENS

Warrior-like aliens surround the ship. (Note: armed alien guards ride hover boards). The ALIEN LEADER exits the ship.

ALIEN LEADERCitizens! Our secret location is secure, our weapons are ready, and our surprise invasion begins now!

CLOSE ON MORTY

Morty’s eyes go wide.

ALIEN LEADER (O.S.) (CONT’D)We have even avoided detection by the great defenders, Rick and Morty! Whoever brings me their heads will lead our first colony!

Rick and Morty 14.


MORTYOh shit, oh shit--

Morty backs up but slips and tumbles into the alien crowd.

ANGLE ON MORTY AND ALIENS

Morty looks up as the aliens look down at him for a beat.

ALIEN LEADERKill Morty!

The aliens <CHEER>. Morty <SCREAMS> and runs into the woods.

CUT TO:


Jerry sits <PANTING> near Globetrotter. Items from Rick’s lab are scattered around him. He looks at the covered body with despair. Suddenly, there’s a twitch under the blanket. Jerry smiles.

JERRY(like Dr. Frankenstein)

Yes! Yes! It’s alive!

Jerry stands and pulls away the blanket to reveal Globetrotter who has clearly seen better, ‘more lively’ days. The horse rises. His body is pale, his mane is stringy, his gaze is cockeyed, his jaw is slack, and flies <BUZZ> around him. (Note: he’s still hooked up to the heart monitor but it <NO LONGER BEEPS>). Globetrotter <NEIGHS>: it sounds like a <GRATING GROAN>.

JERRY (CONT’D)Okay, not perfect, but alive. Alive’s good. Alive keeps me out of Rick missions and divorce court.

The horse bites his own leg. Blackish, thick blood oozes out.

JERRY (CONT’D)(shocked)

Hey, whoa, do not do that!

Jerry wipes away the blood with the blanket: he notices its strange color and consistency. He raises an eyebrow but looks up when the paddock door handle <JIGGLES>. Someone <KNOCKS>.

Rick and Morty 15.


BETH (O.S.)Jerry? It’s time for Globetrotter to exercise in the corral with the other horses. Is everything okay?

Jerry tosses all of Rick’s stuff back into the box and hides it. Then he scrambles to make the horse presentable (some of Globetrotter’s mane and tail come out as he brushes him).

JERRYEverything’s great! Just wanted to give me and the horse some privacy.

(realizes sexual innuendo)To let Globetrotter relax, I mean!

Jerry puts a rein over Globetrotter and pulls him forward. He unlocks and opens the door to reveal Beth. He smiles.

JERRY (CONT’D)He’s all yours!

Jerry hands her the reins and ushers her and Globetrotter out. He shuts the door with a <DEEP SIGH>. And cut to...

INT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL, HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Beth raises an eyebrow at the door. She doesn’t observe Globetrotter closely (he looks a little better thanks to Jerry’s quick grooming). Her phone <BEEPS>. She looks at the screen as she leads the horse down the hall. And cut to...

INT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL, DELUXE PADDOCK - CONTINUOUS

Jerry <SIGHS WITH RELIEF>. But then he observes some things with concern: the clumps of hair on the floor, the bloody blanket, the flies <BUZZING>. He goes to the heart monitor.

JERRYWeird. Globetrotter’s heart monitor never started beeping again. And this room smells like death even though he’s alive. And he bit himself, like he was hungry...

(shocked realization)Oh my god, I made Globetrotter into a zombie! And Beth’s leading him to a corral of horses! And everyone knows I’m the last one he was with!

Jerry rushes out of the room in full-blown panic.

FADE TO BLACK.

Rick and Morty 16.


ACT TWO

EXT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL, CORRAL - DAY

Jerry rushes out of the hospital and over to the corral, sweating and <BREATHING HEAVILY>.

JERRYWait! Don’t put him in the corral! He’s the trotting dead!

(stops at fence, confused)Huh?

JERRY’S POV: THE CORRAL

Horses graze and trot inside the corral. Globetrotter stands beside another horse and lightly gums his head.

ANGLE ON JERRY

JERRY (CONT’D)(dryly, sotto)

Yeah: dumb animal, flat teeth, my complete lack of mad scientist capabilities. Probably should have seen the lack of threat coming.

ANGLE ON GLOBETROTTER

The other horse steps away from Globetrotter. Globetrotter follows but twists his front leg. Now the leg is at a disturbingly unnatural angle. Globetrotter doesn’t react and just gums the horse again.

ANGLE ON JERRY

Jerry <GASPS> and runs into the corral to Globetrotter

JERRY (CONT’D)Okay, Globetrotter, let’s go back to your paddock before someone comes along and sees all this.

Jerry pulls Globetrotter out of the corral to the hospital doors. But before he can get inside, Beth exits the hospital. Jerry instantly blocks the horse as best he can.

Rick and Morty 17.


BETHHey Jerry! Globetrotter’s owner wants his surgery done before the derby, so it’s been moved up. Can you make sure he’s in the operating room in one hour?

JERRY(overly enthusiastic)

Sure! I’ll just give him a pep talk first. See you then! Love you! Bye!

Jerry runs through the hospital doors with Globetrotter in tow. Beth watches them go. Her eyes narrow suspiciously.

CUT TO:

ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL, DELUXE PADDOCK - DAY

Jerry paces, his phone at his ear. A <SOTTO RINGING> indicates he’s making a call. Globetrotter lies on the floor.

JERRYCome on, Rick, answer! I’m ready to admit I need help now! Dammit!

Jerry hangs up and turns to Globetrotter. His leg is still twisted, his complexion is worse, and flies <BUZZ> around him again. He has all the earmarks of a decaying corpse.

JERRY (CONT’D)Okay, Jerry, you can’t fix the horse. All you can do is cover up what happened to him. And you’ve got an hour until the surgery...

Globetrotter moves his tail: it falls off. Jerry cringes and reattaches it with medical tape. Then he blinks and smiles.

JERRY (CONT’D)Wait, the surgery! If I can make sure he dies on the table, then it’s just a routine accident, and Beth will never know!

Globetrotter <ZOMBIE-GROAN NEIGHS>. Jerry frowns at him.

JERRY (CONT’D)Okay, maybe a horse dying during a tooth removal won’t look good for Beth. But at least it won’t look spectacularly negligent for the hospital or for me.

Rick and Morty 18.


Globetrotter’s cockeyed gaze meets Jerry’s eyes.

JERRY (CONT’D)(scowls, annoyed)

Oh who asked you? We’re doing this!

Jerry pulls out the box of Rick’s stuff and picks up a vial marked ‘Flesh-Eating Bacteria’. He grins.

JERRY (CONT’D)And I think I know how...

PULL BACK as Jerry <MANIACALLY LAUGHS> and Globetrotter <ZOMBIE-GROAN NEIGHS> with him.

CUT TO:

EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY

Morty races into the campsite where Rick lies passed out by his pot of moonshine. The sounds of <ALIENS YELLING AND LASERS BLASTING> come from off screen. Morty runs to Rick and desperately shakes him to wake him up.

MORTYOh my god, Rick, wake up! Aliens! Invasion! They want our fucking heads! We have to get out of here! Holy shit, why do you pick the worst times to black out? They’re coming! I don’t want to die! Rick!

The aliens enter, grab Morty, and drag him <SCREAMING> back to the woods. Rick sits up, groggy. The aliens grab him too.

RICK(bored, dryly)

Huh, what? Oh, we’re going somewhere? Hey, just be gentle; it’s called a hangover.

The aliens drag Rick off screen after Morty.

CUT TO:

INT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL, OPERATING ROOM - DAY

Jerry has Globetrotter on the operating table with a sheet draped over him. Jerry opens the vial of flesh-eating bacteria and holds it over the horse’s exposed ear.

Rick and Morty 19.


JERRYOkay, time for binge-watching The Walking Dead to come in handy. I’ll just put the flesh-eating bacteria in his ear, it’ll destroy his brain, then no more zombie.

WIDEN to include Beth as she enters the operating room, dressed in scrubs and ready for the oral surgery.

BETHJerry? What are you still doing here?

Jerry hides the vial behind his back and turns to her in surprise.

JERRYBeth! Uh... hi! I just thought I’d assist with the surgery. You know, like a good volunteer.

BETHJerry, I appreciate the effort, but you’re not trained. Besides, I don’t need any help. Removing a tooth isn’t exactly complicated.

JERRYThen at least let me watch! Please?I’ve never seen you work before.

BETHWell... okay, Jerry. Just let me get my gloves.

Beth turns away from the horse and Jerry to put on her gloves. Jerry tilts the vial over Globetrotter’s ear.

OVER THE SHOULDER SHOT: JERRY OVER BETH’S SHOULDER

BETH (CONT’D)You know, I was a little worried about you volunteering here, Jerry. But you’ve done great work. I’m proud of you. Everyone’s impressed.

Jerry hesitates and raises an eyebrow.

Rick and Morty 20.


BETH (CONT’D)I know you have confidence issues, but you’d make a reliable, honest, hardworking employee for anyone. You’re a good provider, Jerry.

Jerry lowers the vial, his face guilt-stricken.

BETH (CONT’D)And when we get home, we can tell my Dad how wrong he is about you.

He takes a <DEEP BREATH> and raises the vial again, his hand shaking. Beth turns around and points at him.

BETH (O.S.) (CONT’D)(exclamation of discovery)

Ah ha!


Jerry blinks and lowers the vial. Beth approaches, scowling.

BETH (CONT’D)I knew you were up to something! What did you do, Jerry?

JERRY(utterly breaks down)

Globetrotter choked to death, so I used stuff from Rick’s lab to fix him, but he became a zombie! So I thought I could kill him and make it look like he died in surgery! And I’m sorry! Please forgive me!

Beth glares at him for a beat then <SIGHS DEEPLY>. Her eyes go down.

BETH(disappointed)

Just get the stuff you took from my Dad’s lab and bring it here. Now.

Jerry hesitates but then frowns and nods. He exits the room.

CUT TO:

EXT. ALIEN MOTHERSHIP IN THE WOODS - DAY

Rick and Morty 21.


FULL ON ALIEN SHIP

Armed guards on hover boards drag a handcuffed Rick and Morty forward into the middle of the alien crowd. The guards step to the ground and toss Rick and Morty to their knees. Rick seems bored. Morty looks around fearfully. The crowd parts as the Alien Leader approaches with an evil grin.

ALIEN LEADERRick and Morty. We’ve heard of your exploits! Who knew you’d be so easy to defeat? Now your planet is ours!

The aliens <CHEER>. Then Morty blinks, looks to Rick, and looks back to the Alien Leader. He grins, shaking his head.

MORTYYou know, buddy, this is Rick Sanchez. Sure, we seem defenseless. But I know he’s secretly got a gadget somewhere to stop you with one push of a button! Right, Rick?

RICKYeah, no, I’ve got nothing.

MORTY(confidence wavers)

What?

RICKScience-free weekend, Morty. I take bets very seriously. So enjoy your ‘normal’ death. Oh, and incidentally, fuck you for dragging me down with you.

Morty’s eyes widen as he looks back up at the Alien Leader. His last hope for salvation is now gone.

CLOSE ON ALIEN LEADER

ALIEN LEADERAnd now with your execution, our domination of earth is guaranteed!

The Alien Leader draws a blaster and aims at Rick and Morty.

ANGLE ON RICK, MORTY, AND ALIEN LEADER

Morty <SCREAMS>, writhes in panic, then kicks one of the armed alien guards in the crotch.

Rick and Morty 22.


The alien cringes and drops his blaster. The blaster fires and destroys Morty’s cuffs. Morty grabs the blaster, stands, <SCREAMS>, and shoots at the aliens in a frenzy for survival.

CLOSE ON RICK

Rick still sits on the ground. He raises his cuffed hands.

RICKCan someone help a scientist out?

A stray blast hits his cuffs and breaks them.

RICK (CONT’D)Thanks. I was losing my buzz.

Rick pulls out his flask and takes a swig. The <SOUNDS OF MORTY’S BATTLE> continue around him.

CUT TO:


Globetrotter is still on the operating table under a blanket. Jerry hands Beth the box of what he took from Rick’s lab.

JERRYOkay, here’s everything. Now what?

BETHNow we’re going to call my father and have him come fix this mess.

CLOSE ON JERRY

JERRYUh, the thing is, I tried that already, and Rick’s phone is dead.

CLOSE ON BETH

BETH(angry)

Then I don’t know, Jerry! We’ve got a half-dead horse, no help, and a derby tomorrow! Just because I’m my father’s daughter doesn’t mean I can rewrite the fabric of reality!

Rick and Morty 23.



JERRYBeth, I’m really sorry again for turning the horse into a zombie.

BETHJerry, I’m not mad that you turned the horse into a zombie.

Jerry raises a skeptical eyebrow.

BETH (CONT’D)Okay, I’m not happy you screwed up something as simple as baby-sitting a horse. But what I’m mad about is that you didn’t come to me so we could solve the problem together!

JERRYWhat?

BETH(sad, frustrated)

You left me out of the adventure, Jerry, just like Rick. And I expect better of you. I don’t care if you suck at being a provider. I care that you’re honest with me!

JERRY(touches her shoulder)

You’re right. Even if I was embarrassed, I should have come to you because we’re partners.

Beth and Jerry share a small smile.

JERRY (CONT’D)And since we’re partners, we’ll fix this problem together. Right now.

Jerry takes the box and puts it on the operating table.

JERRY (CONT’D)You’re a horse surgeon, I can take orders, and we’ve got a box of science crap. Let’s cure this horse or kill him trying. What do you say?

BETH(bites lip then nods)

Okay, Jerry, let’s do this.

Rick and Morty 24.


ANGLE ON OPERATING TABLE

Beth pulls the blanket away. Globetrotter’s pupils point in different directions, his coat is ashen, he’s half bald, his tongue is swollen, and his leg is mangled.

BETH (O.S.) (CONT’D)(dryly)

Wow, Jerry, seriously?

JERRY (O.S.)Uh, heh. Let’s get to work.

CUT TO:

EXT. ALIEN MOTHERSHIP IN THE WOODS - DAY

PAN over the ground surrounding the alien mothership to show battered alien bodies scattered everywhere.

CLOSE ON MORTY

Morty stands at the center of the fallen. (Note: two empty hover boards are nearby). He falls to his knees with a <TIRED MOAN>. He turns at the sound of a <SLOW CLAP> off screen.

WIDEN to include Rick who finishes his <SLOW CLAP>.

RICKCongratulations, Morty, you took out an entire landing party with a laser blaster. Which means...

(smiles, excited)I win the bet! Yeah, baby!

MORTY(on verge of breakdown)

What? Rick, who cares? I just killed dozens of aliens! I...

RICKNo, you shot dozens of alien actors with lasers that can’t penetrate their species’ skin.

(to aliens)All right, fellas, show’s over.

The aliens rise, smiling. Morty looks on in confusion.

RICK (CONT’D)Morty, this bet was pointless. I already know I can’t be normal.

(MORE)

Rick and Morty 25.


But you could be. Except these days you’re in too deep with me. So when the chips are down you need science to help your world make sense again. Also, half a day of our ‘normal’ camping adventure kicked your ass.

MORTY(realization dawning)

So you...

RICKStaged an invasion so you’d accept you can’t handle reality anymore as a quote-unquote ‘normal’ guy because being normal is fucking useless against the universe? Yup.

ANGLE ON RICK

RICK (CONT’D)Well, lesson learned and now we can finally head home. The first piece of technology I’m using is a shower. And the ice maker. I like my moonshine on the rocks.

A blaster fires from off screen and singes his lab coat. Rick turns and glares.

RICK (CONT’D)Hey, what the--

Morty <SCREAMS IN RAGE> and runs after Rick with the blaster drawn. He’s the shooter, and he’s clearly only just started.

RICK (CONT’D)Holy shit!

Rick dives on one of the hover boards and flies it away off screen. Morty jumps onto a hover board too and follows him, firing at will. He’s pissed, and he won’t be stopped.

The aliens look in the direction they went for a beat.

ALIEN LEADERUh... so, when do we get paid?

CUT TO:


RICK (CONT’D)

Rick and Morty 26.


LOW ANGLE ON BETH AND JERRY

Beth and Jerry, stained with fluids from the chemicals and the horse, lean over the operating table. Beth smiles.

BETHJerry, he’s breathing! His color’s back! He looks alive! We did it!

JERRYHa, yes! Beth, you’re brilliant!

Jerry leans over and kisses her. Beth reciprocates. They separate and share a smile. Then they pull back the sheet.

CLOSE ON GLOBETROTTER

Globetrotter sits up. He looks severely improved: his features suggest an animal that’s strong, alert, and quick. He stands up with ease. He has some stitch lines on his body.

ANGLE ON BETH AND JERRY

JERRY (CONT’D)Wow, Beth, if you’re this good, maybe I should kill and resurrect a few more of your patients.

They <LAUGH> together for a beat then stop.

BETH(serious)

But seriously, don’t.

JERRY(serious)

Right.

Globetrotter <NEIGHS O.S>: it’s now a <HARSH, GROWLING> sound. Beth and Jerry blink and look to the horse.

FULL ON BETH, JERRY, AND GLOBETROTTER

Globetrotter <SNORTS>. His ears go back, his eyes narrow, and he gnashes his teeth. Jerry approaches cautiously. Globetrotter lunges forward to bite him. Beth pulls Jerry back, but he <SCREAMS> as the horse’s teeth graze his arm, drawing blood.

BETHOh my god! Jerry, are you okay?

Rick and Morty 27.


JERRYYeah. But what the hell? I get he’s pissed at me but -- Beth!

The horse lunges for Beth. Jerry pushes her to safety.

JERRY (CONT’D)Okay, he’s got no reason to be pissed at you. What happened?

BETH(moment of realization)

He’s quicker, stronger, hungrier... What if instead of curing his zombie-ism, we enhanced it?

JERRYBut why bite us? We’re not horses.

BETHClearly he’s not a picky eater anymore!

They <SCREAM> as Globetrotter sends the operating table flying with a swift kick then rushes between them at an unnaturally fast speed. He licks his lips and eyes them.

JERRYHe’s tasted human flesh! Run!

Beth and Jerry race out of the operating room. And cut to...

EXT. ST. EQUIS HOSPITAL, PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS

Beth and Jerry fling themselves into the car. Jerry tosses Beth the keys and she starts it.

BETHWe’ve got to get to my Dad’s lab!

JERRYYeah! Dealing Rick being a smug bastard is better than death. Go!

Beth peels out of the parking lot just as the horse crashes through a hospital window and follows them in hot pursuit.

CUT TO:

INT. SMITH HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Summer is on the couch, relaxing and texting. A beat passes.

Rick and Morty 28.


Jerry and Beth <CRASH> through a wall with their car and jump out. Summer <SCREAMS> and dives behind the easy chair as Globetrotter enters. He rears up, bares his teeth, and gives a <LOUD NEIGH-GROWL>. Then he chases Beth and Jerry who run around the room <SCREAMING>.

Rick crashes through the opposite wall on his hover board. Morty flies in, still shooting, and continues to chase his grandpa. <EVERYONE SCREAMS AND YELLS> as the chaos grows.

Globetrotter flips the couch over. Jerry and Beth crawl behind it. The horse goes for Morty, and Rick uses the distraction to tuck and roll off of his hover board and take shelter behind the couch too. The sounds of <MORTY SHOOTING> and the horse <NEIGH-GROWLING> continue in the background.

CLOSE ON RICK, BETH, AND JERRY

RICKAnd I thought my weekend was crazy.

BETHDad, this is serious! Jerry took some things from your lab to save a horse, but it turned into a zombie that now craves human flesh!

JERRYBut more importantly, why the hell is our son on a death rampage with some crazy alien gun?

RICKWho knows? He probably snapped when he realized half his genes come from the world’s most incompetent man! Who screws up volunteering?

BETHOkay, enough! I’m sick of you two fighting. You’re my Dad, and you’re my husband: you both love me so cut the crap and call a truce, okay?

RICK(hesitantly)

Whatever...

JERRY(hesitantly)

Okay...

BETHGood. Dad, you fix the zombie problem. Jerry, you’re his backup. Backup, Dad, not bait. And I’ll go talk to Morty.

Rick and Morty 29.


Rick, Jerry, and Beth nod then head their separate ways.

ANGLE ON BETH AND MORTY

Morty is on the ground now, scowling and <PANTING>, blaster in hand. Beth approaches, scowling. In the background, Rick and Jerry alternate between chasing Globetrotter and Globetrotter chasing them.

BETH (CONT’D)Morty Smith, drop that blaster and stop making my house a crater!

MORTYNot now, Mom! Rick--

BETHI don’t care what Rick did, Morty. I care what you’re doing. And right now you’re being a dangerous, selfish ass just like him. Give me that gun! You’re better than Rick!

She holds out her hand. Morty hesitates then frowns. He gives her the blaster with a defeated <SIGH>. Beth smiles.

BETH (CONT’D)Thank you, Morty.

She turns, shoots, and singes the top of Rick’s hair

ANGLE ON RICK

RICKHey, I thought you were fixing my ‘shoot Grandpa’ problem!

ANGLE ON BETH AND MORTY

BETH(grins as Morty smiles)

He deserved that though, I bet.

ANGLE ON RICK, JERRY, AND GLOBETROTTER

Globetrotter lunges at Rick and Jerry. Rick shoves Jerry away then opens a wall panel to reveal a set of scientific-looking guns. He removes a tranquilizer gun but trips on a piece of furniture as he fires at Globetrotter. The tranquilizer dart hits Jerry’s leg.

Rick and Morty 30.


Jerry rips it out, sees Globetrotter charging Rick, runs forward, and jams the dart into the horse’s chest. Globetrotter and Jerry crash to the floor. Globetrotter is subdued. Beth and Morty approach.

JERRYHa! Look at that! I just did something to help my family!

(slurs as dart kicks in)So, Rick, what kooky science thing are you gonna do to fix the horse?

Rick grabs the blaster from Beth, aims, and shoots Globetrotter through the head.

JERRY (CONT’D)(getting drowsy/giddy)

Oh, I guess that works.

BETHUh, Dad, that horse has a pretty important derby tomorrow, so...

RICKDon’t worry, I’ll work it out.

MORTYRick, I’m still pissed at you. But my Mom’s right: if I use technology and rage to deal with my problems, it just validates the idea that normal people can’t cope. So maybe we could both just forgive and--

RICKYeah, sure, Morty. I’ll be in the liquor cabinet and then my lab. Jerry, I expect to see you and the horse corpse out there pronto. I’ll fix both of you, I guess.

JERRY(slurred, going limp)

I can’t feel my left side.

Summer storms across the screen, her hair and clothes a mess.

SUMMERI wanted one day of peace from you people! Is that too much to ask?

Rick, Morty, Beth, and Jerry just watch her pass by.

FADE TO BLACK.

Rick and Morty 31.


TAG

EXT. WOODS, NEW CAMPSITE - DAY

Jerry and Morty sit by a lake, fishing and smiling. A tent and camping supplies are behind them. Jerry has a backpack.

MORTYGeez, Dad, it’s great the derby last weekend worked out, huh?

JERRYYup. Rick cloned Globetrotter, the horse won, he went back to his owner, and your Mom’s job is safe. All’s well that ends well, I guess.

MORTYAnd thanks for going camping with me. It’s fun to do with someone who actually helps me make camp. And who doesn’t stage an alien attack.

There are <SOUNDS OF PEOPLE APPROACHING FROM THE WOODS> off screen. Jerry and Morty look to the woods as the Alien Leader and some of his guards come forward, looking furious.

ALIEN LEADERWe’ve found Morty! That means Rick can’t be far! And he owes us money!

MORTYOh shit...

JERRY(smooth, cocky)

Relax, Morty. I may be a normal guy, but I’m always prepared to take care of my family.

Jerry pulls a blaster from his backpack, aims it, and fires. The blast hits the Alien Leader but has no effect. Jerry’s eyes widen. Morty runs away, yelling as he exits.

MORTYLasers can’t hurt them! Run!

Jerry jumps up and scrambles after Morty as the aliens give chase. Jerry and Morty <SCREAM>, and the aliens <YELL>.

FADE TO BLACK.

END

Rick and Morty 32.


Rick and Morty - Writing Site€¦ · MORTY (angry) Rick, get back here! Clean this up! RICK...

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