Revising the Body (Part 3)

Today we will discuss1. Style2. Tone3. Conciseness4. Errors in grammar & mechanics5. Errors in usage & idiom

STYLE

Common problemsINF. = informal– Pronoun P.O.V. – Contractions

Characteristics of the academic style

Pronoun point of viewOur convention: Use the third person p.o.v.

In our country. . .

Other expressions– a lot of problems– kids, tots– It is not that difficult.– Juveniles got unjustly imprisoned.– The researcher got to see the results– This happened way before . . .– Before*, stem cells were harvested

from…

APPLY! Scan your draft for these words and other informal expressions

Distancing for counter-A’s Distancing - linguistic signals that tend to disassociate a writer from an assertionIn your ARP, which of the types of arguments (pro-, counter-, refutation) should you disassociate from?

Without distancingTS: The age of criminal responsibility should not be decreased to 15.

[Counterargument]The age of criminal responsibility

should be lowered because the lenient treatment dealt to child-criminals emboldens them to commit more serious crimes. According to the MMDA. . . . [evidence]

Strategies for distancing• Attribution – identify the

source Proponents of HB XXX claim that the age of criminal responsibility should be lowered because the lenient treatment dealt to child-criminals emboldens them to commit more serious crimes. Passivization

It has been claimed that the age of criminal responsibility should be lowered because the lenient treatment dealt to child-criminals emboldens them to commit more serious crimes.

Let’s apply! 1. Find your counter-arguments. 2. Put in distancing.

Managing tone

Managing toneTone – the writer’s attitude towards the subject/topic as shown by his/her word choice

Generally: ( - ) 0 ( + ) Your ARP tone: objective, detached

Certain CAS departments are pushing for accreditation.Certain CAS departments are supporting accreditation.Certain CAS departments are willing to undergo accreditation.

Let’s apply!Scan a section your draft. Check its tone.Are there any words that sound biased? Replace these with more neutral words.

Conciseness

Sentence constructionLess is more.1. Avoid redundancy.2. Be concise. Use shorter

structures: single words instead of phrases; phrases instead of clauses.

3. Avoid expletive and passive constructions.

The wives or husbands of the respondents

Male participants who were thirty years old

ExpletivesSentences that begin with there

To date, there are 30 children who have died because of dengue. To date, 30 children have died because of dengue.

Active vs. Passive voice sentences

The active voice is usually preferred to the passive voice.These implications are presented by the researcher.The researcher presents these implications.

Common sources of wordiness

“said” Chiropractic is a therapeutic method that involves manipulation of the spine. The said / aforementioned technique involves. . . .– This technique involves. . . .

Common sources of wordiness

Redundant word pairsPeople will see and perceive the effectiveness of sex education in lowering or decreasing the rate of teenage pregnancy.Unnecessary wordsDadufalza, in her book entitled Reading into Writing 2 published in 1994 said. . . .

Let’s applyReread a section of your paper.Edit it to make it more concise.

Common errors in grammar & mechanics

Some common mechanical errors

internet * = Internet(near) homophones

One of it’s* many featuresThis* problemsThe Philippines* response to the

issuePhilippines have* many problems.There* mother is sick.

Some common mechanical errors

Study the rules for hyphenationCapitalization – capitalize only proper nouns

diabetes, Lou Gehrig's disease

GRAMMAR: Pronoun errors

Pronoun-referent agreement– The United Nations reported in their*

study… Missing pronoun antecedent

The committee has made a decision.The committee are discussing the options.

GRAMMAR: Parallelism (//)

Parallel structures for: a series of coordinate phrases:– Stem cell therapy prevents mutation

and effective in curing cancer.

GRAMMAR: Parallelism (//)Parallel structures for correlative pairs: either… or, neither.. .nor, not only… but also– Not only does it have advantages but

disadvantages as well.*– It has not only advantages but

disadvantages as well.

Not only it has advantages …

Passive forms, verbs that function as adjectives

These recommendations are base* on the following findings.The following are consider* wrong.Having been discussed* the definition of globalization, this paper presents the following findings. . . .

Errors in comparison

Comparing different entitiesThe Philippines’ population greater than Singapore.*Missing reference of “that”The Philippines’ population is greater than that of* the population of Singapore.Its’

Writing numbers (NUM)One, two, … nine, 10, 11, etc.1.5One-half, one-third, one fourth, two-thirds; 2/5, 3/192 kilometers, 6 liters, 2 percent

Comma vs. semi-colon[,] vs [;]MSG can enhance favor___ it can also prevent Parkinson’s disease.However ___ overconsumption can lead to brain tissue damage.MSG binds with the neural endings ____ thus causing neurons to fire impulses.

Single quotes [‘x’] vs. double quotes [“x”]

[“ ”]Patients may suffer from “myocardial infarction and arthrosclerosis” (De Guzman, 2008, p. 6).

• [‘ ’]Macapagal (2012, p. 1) reported that “Senator Juan Ponce Enrile himself pointed out the lack of a clear legal definition of the term: ‘Political dynasty is a hard concept to define. . . . There should be a law on political dynasty.’ ”

Others Properly introduce acronyms• The English Language and Cultural

Enrichment Program (ELCEP) is . . . • The English Language and Cultural

Enrichment Program or ELCEP . . .

Errors in usage and unidiomatic expressions

Usage errorsStressed out vs. stressedThe researchers _______ the following points.

Stressed out – informal way of saying one feels anxious and worried, as in “I’m all STRESSED OUT.”Stressed – emphasized: She STRESSED the following points.

Mature vs. maturedJuveniles should not be imprisoned because they are not yet ___________. Mature – an adjective; fully developed, as in “A MATURE person”; ant: IMMATURE (not immatured*)Matured – a verb; brought to full development: “My insurance MATURED last month.”

Secure vs. securedA child should be raised in a _________ environment.

Secure – an adj.; free of fear: “I am SECURE in my identity”; ant: INSECURE (not insecured*)Secured – a verb; guarded, fastened: “The area has been SECURED”

mainA main* problem with chemotherapy is its effect on healthy cells. main – primary, principal The main problem with . . . A major problem with

All kinds of people, may they be* young or old, can be affected by the disease.

May they be blessed by the Lord. All kinds of people, be they young or old, can be affected by the disease. The motive, be it good or bad, is no longer important.

The researchers implied* the following findings. . . .

Idiomatic expressionsIdiomatic – “containing expressions that are natural to a native speaker of a language”Verb + preposition

Verb + Preposition1. Based ___ their research

Based ON their research2. The effects of this policy ____ society

The effects of this policy ON society3. X stops Y _[prep]_ [happen]

X stops Y FROM HAPPENING4. X allows Y _[prep]_ [happen]

X allows Y TO HAPPEN

Verb + PrepositionX discourages Y _[prep]_ [do]X hinders Y _[prep]_ [happen]X prevents Y _[prep]_ [happen]

X encourages Y [prep] [happen]X allows Y [prep] [happen]X compels Y [prep] [happen / do something]

Reporting verbs that cannot be followed by a that-clause (“that X is…”)

• The author discusses that *X is The author discusses X

• The author presents that * X is • The author describes that * X is• The author supports that * X is

The author researched on* X … researched XThe author discusses on/ about* XThe author mentions about* X

NOTE ON “MENTION”: a brief or casual reference

Others Philippines* is an archipelagic country.Other reason* is the presence of. . . .

Commonly misused wordsAccount– People should account* the brain

development of children in the issue.– Sexual abuse is accounted as* / accounts*

42% of the cases involving children filed in 2011 .

Tackle This paper tackles* the definition of poverty.

Similar words, different meanings

wood vs. woodswork vs. workspaper vs. papersdamage vs. damageseconomic vs. economical

The amount of peopleThe problem roots from / The problem is rooted from

A Recap!Today we discussed:

1. Style2. Tone3. Conciseness4. Errors in grammar & mechanics5. Errors in usage & idiom